Work Text:
When Kuroko asks Kagami to be his boyfriend after the winter cup, it had been carefully planned, had been thought over for months, and had been completely derailed by the redhead himself.
“Kuroko,” Kagami starts, his deep voice echoing in the empty locker room. “Are we dating?” he asks as if it’s as easy as that. Kuroko is shocked, he’s silenced even. He swallows the lump in his throat but can’t do anything to fight the heat rising to his face. “No,” he croaks out. “Oh,” Kagami responds, looking down and it pains Kuroko’s heart to see him so dejected despite them reaching the apex of their sport.
“Would you like too?” Kuroko fumbles out, quickly enough for the words to get jumbled in his mouth. “What?” Kagami asks, and he’s looking at Kuroko with too much hope in his eyes. “I said would you like to?” Kuroko repeats and he’s sure he’s as red as he’s ever been. “...Date, I mean,” he clarifies.
This time, Kagami is the silent one. “...Would you?” he asks carefully, testing the waters. Kuroko thinks about it but not for long. He nods. “Yes, I would like that very much,” he says matter-of-factly. The way Kagami smiles at him makes every fear he had fly out of his body. “I would like that too,” Kagami responds.
“So I guess we’re dating,” Kuroko says. It’s his first confession. Kagami is his first boyfriend. He would not have his first kiss for another week.
+++
Kuroko has known he would have to have this talk since the minute he heard Kagami got an offer to play for a perennial basketball powerhouse college in the United States.
“North Carolina, Tetsuya!! Do you even know how big that is?!” Kagami’s voice rings in his ear. Kuroko opens his mouth to respond but quickly closes it. “I mean that’s where Michael Jordan played!! They’ve made March Madness every year since like the 1970s!!”
Kuroko lets Kagami go on. Kagami rattles off statistics Kuroko understands on a fundamental level but not in the same way that Kagami does. Kuroko likes to hear the sound of Kagami’s voice when he talks like this, unabashedly excited. He finds a small space where Kagami has paused for breath.
“That all sounds wonderful, Taiga-kun.” A small smile plays on Kuroko’s lips. “But I couldn’t find North Carolina on a map.” Kuroko thinks if he can smile through the creeping edges of anxiety he’ll be okay.
Kuroko has known this was coming. It seems like Kagami knows too because it’s been a dead silence between them since Kuroko arrived at Kagami’s apartment. There are boxes scattered around Kagami’s apartment. Kuroko can hear the sound of a bike bell outside. They’re sitting two feet apart on the couch. Distance.
Kuroko hates this, hates what’s bound to come next. He can hear Kagami inhale and he knows the words are coming. Knows that he has to let go. “I’m sorry” is all Kagami can get out before Kuroko starts to feel tears stinging at his eyes. “I’m sorry it has to end this way,” Kagami says, doing his best to keep himself together. “Me too,” Kuroko says, using the back of his hands to wipe at his eyes.
“Tetsuya, I need you to know that I don’t regret a moment of us together,” Kagami’s voice is strained and pleading. Kuroko knows he’s sincere. “If there was a way to keep things how they are and also play in America, believe me I’d choose it in a heartbeat,” he says. And Kuroko knows he would. Knows that Kagami doesn’t want things to change. “But there’s not,” Kuroko says definitively, coldly even.
Kagami looks pained. “There’s not,” he repeats softly. They sit in silence again. Kuroko balling his fists where they rest on the tops of his thighs. He looks down and his tears stain his pants. They’re like this for a while. Kagami, silent as Kuroko struggles to get his emotions under control. After a while, Kuroko takes a deep breath and wills himself to stand up. “I should go,” he says as he silently begs the universe to dawn on him a reason to stay.
Kagami nods solemnly and gets up to walk Kuroko out. Just as Kuroko crosses the threshold into the apartment hallway, he hears a soft voice say his name. He turns to see red eyes looking at him with a pain he’s never seen before. He feels a calloused hand gently cup his cheek. He feels guilty but he leans into the touch.
Kagami presses his lips to Kuroko’s. It’s a chaste kiss. It makes Kuroko’s heart break. Tears slide out of his eyes as he kisses Kagami back, with just enough want to let him know how much this hurts. They break too soon and Kagami says, in the most beautiful way that only he can, “I love you, Tetsuya,” and Kuroko is sure he means it. “I love you too,” he responds.
Kuroko does not see Kagami off at the airport.
+++
Kagami was in PJ pants the first time Kuroko called him. He paused the Bulls game to answer. “Hello?”
Kuroko’s voice was even, but something was audibly off, Kagami picked up. “Hello Kagami-kun.” A beat of silence. “Do you have a moment to talk?”
Kagami made the mental note to switch to Japanese when speaking with Kuroko even though it had been years since he lived in Japan. “Sure, what’s up?”
“I’m not entirely sure how to phrase this,” Kuroko started. “How did you adjust your first time coming to America?”
“Huh? I guess I slept on the plane mostly, and did my best to stay up the entire day when we landed here,” Kagami replied. As slow as ever.
“Let me rephrase. How did you deal with the culture change? How did you come to live here?” Kuroko asked keeping his voice even.
“Live?” A small pause from Kagami. “I don’t think I really got used to things here until half way through middle school. Meeting Tatsuya helped some. Talking to him in Japanese was nice since my English was bad at first. And making friends with the guys in LA helped too. I guess the culture itself wasn’t that different to me. It didn’t matter where I was, I just wanted to play basketball.”
Another beat of silence. “Why do you ask?” Kagami pressed a bit further. He and Kuroko hadn’t spoken in some time, probably since the last time their teams played one another. It was nice to hear the other’s voice.
Kuroko was silent for what felt like eons. “I am… having a difficult time living here. It is my dream to play basketball at this level but, everything outside of the court has been… an adjustment. I have also realized that my English is not at the level it needs to be. Things are quite… strange here.”
Kagami hummed in agreement. “Do you remember developing your phantom shot?” Kagami asked.
“Well yes but I don’t see how that’s relevant to our conversation Kagami-kun.”
“Hear me out, you needed to find a way to change your play to take on the Generation of Miracles, right? Well it’s kind of the same here. You just have to find your own way of living here. It takes time to develop just like a new style of play.” Of course Kagami-kun would relate it to basketball. “And if you need anyone to teach you English, I’d be your best option.”
“Kagami-kun, you almost failed our English class at Seirin,” Kuroko said, a small smile making its way across his face.
“That’s because the Japanese speak English too formally!! No one talks like that in America!!!” Kagami practically shouts. “I’ve been in America for YEARS and gotten by just fine.” Kuroko laughs, a quiet and breathy laugh but enough of a sound for Kagami to notice. It brings a warm feeling to his bones.
They fall into a comfortable silence before one of them yawns, followed by the other. “Kagami-kun, is it alright to call you again? For that English lesson?”
“Yeah, Yes, Of course,” Kagami says without any hesitation and a mouth full of confirmations that all try to escape at once. “But don’t think you can back-talk me anymore. I’m your teacher now and that means respect!” Kuroko laughs again.
“Then it’s a plan. Goodnight, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko says.
“Good night, Kuroko,” Kagami replies.
Click.
And that’s how it starts.
+++
Along with the weekly phone calls, comes daily texting. It starts when Kuroko sends Kagami a picture of a red turnip with the message “What is this?” Kagami feels the buzzing of his phone while he’s on his morning run and slows to a more reasonable pace to respond.
“Text in English and I’ll tell you,” he replies cheekily. He continues his run at a jogging pace. It’s another two songs before Kuroko responds, this time with a picture of a dirty and less primed Turnip and the English words below it “It looks like you.”
Kagami huffs in fake-anger. Responds, “I’ve agreed to be your teacher and this is how you repay me?” and continues on.
Kuroko’s next message comes quicker and with no text. It’s a picture of the same turnip with a poorly drawn face over it that has frayed eyebrows, a signature scowl, and a speech bubble with the words “ball is life” written in English inside of it. It makes Kagami stop in the middle of his run. He contemplates calling Kuroko right then and there but thinks this would mean Kuroko wins.
Kagami snaps a picture of a blue recycling bin and draws a blank expression with rounded eyes and a small speech bubble that says “What is this?” in Kanji. He doesn’t notice the sunrise in the background until Kuroko’s next message points it out. “Is that what LA is like? What time is it?” Kagami reads.
“6:30. The sunsets are nicer,” he responds with a small smile creeping across his features. He sends a quick message on impulse. “The next time we play each other, I’ll take you to the pier.”
Kuroko doesn’t respond instantly and Kagami reminds himself that Kuroko is probably translating in real time. He starts on his run again to try and burn off the weariness that sits in his stomach. Soon enough, he feels a buzz against his thigh.
“I would really enjoy that,” is all the message reads. Kagami is sure he looks like an idiot smiling at his phone in the middle of an abandoned boardwalk but he can’t help the warm sensation that fills him. He types out a few messages, erases them, then settles on a response.
“It’s a turnip by the way.”
+++
The next time they call, Kuroko calls Kagami. It seemed like they had been playing phone tag all week, trying to find a time that works with both of their schedules but finally, finally, they catch each other.
“Hey, Kuroko!” Kagami’s English chimes into his ear. Kagami sounds physically distant and is accompanied by the sound of a knife hitting a cutting board. “If you need me to take you off speaker phone, let me know but I’m cooking right now and it kind of requires two hands,” he explains.
Kuroko smiles and plugs in his headphones to hear Kagami better without having Kagami hold the phone. “That’s alright Kagami-kun,” he says, then shifting his thought process to English. “What are you cooking?” He asks, preparing a pen and paper to write down the words he doesn’t recognize. The words still feel weird in his mouth but it’s becoming easier to understand them.
Kagami, too, switches to English. “I’m making stuffed salmon over rice pilaf.” Kuroko hums a bit, he’s missed Kagami’s cooking since they attended high school together.
“It sounds delicious,” Kuroko responds, “How do you make it?” Then Kagami goes into step-by-step detail of how to prepare the dish. Kuroko writes down the words he doesn’t understand, things like mincing and braising and Kagami not only gives him the Japanese translation but he explains to Kuroko in a more simple English what the words mean.
“And then you place it in the oven to cook at 350 degrees for half an hour,” Kagami says his voice being overtaken by the clanging of the pan against the oven rack.
There’s a pause of silence, “350 is hot.” And Kagami responds, “Farenheit, not celsius.” And Kuroko understands a bit better now.
It’s silent again and Kuroko misses the deep baritone of Kagami’s voice, even if he can only understand about half of what he’s saying. So he decides to remedy that. “Kagami,” he drops the honorific when speaking English. He should probably be using Kagami’s first name as well but the other man never pushed it so he doesn’t see the harm. “Please tell me about your week.”
And so Kagami does. He goes day-by-day since the last time they talked. Kuroko writes down the days of the week even though he already knows them. He does his best to be a better note-taker than he was in high school English. “And what about your week?” Kagami asks.
Kuroko is a bit stunned. He can’t recall anyone asking him such a small but significant question. His thoughts begin to spiral and tears prick at his eyes. No one has really asked him how he’s doing aside from Kagami. There’s silence while Kuroko spirals but Kagami’s voice pulls him out of it. “Hey, if you can’t find the words in English, that’s okay. I just want to hear how you’re doing.”
It takes everything in Kuroko not to cry on the phone to Kagami about all of the struggles he’s having. It’s been a few weeks since his initial call but it doesn’t seem like things have gotten any easier. He feels the crushing weight of isolation and loneliness wash over him each day. His teammates are nice enough, he gets along with them well, but he never truly feels part of a team, the way he did in high school. On top of this, is the general feeling of being out of place. Picking up your entire life to move halfway around the world had been scary for Kuroko and if he’s being honest with himself, he’s still scared. He clears his throat.
“I am doing okay,” he responds in Japanese, finding comfort in his mother tongue. “To be completely honest, Kagami-kun, it is still a bit difficult to live here. My teammates are nice but I don’t really know anybody.”
Kagami ponders this. “Your contract is almost up, right?” Kuroko nods in agreement then realizes Kagami can’t see him. “Yes, at the end of this season,” he responds.
“Then you should come play here,” Kagami says. “One of our guys is retiring so we’ll need an extra man and I don’t think our GM has signed anyone yet.” Not for the first time tonight, Kuroko is speechless. “I don’t know what to say Kagami-kun”
“You don’t have to say anything right now but, maybe give it some thought? If you want to, I can put in a word for you with our general manager. It’d be nice to play with you again.” Another punch to the gut that leaves Kuroko stunned.
“I’ll think about it,” responds Kuroko, and he will.
“Good,” Kagami says and then Kuroko hears the loud, shrill beep of an oven timer. “Ah, my food is done. Is it alright if we end here?” Kagami asks.
“Yes, that’s alright. Have a good night Kagami-kun,” a beat of silence, “And thank you.” A small smile creeps its way onto Kagami’s face. “No problem, Kuroko. Have a good night.”
Click.
+++
Kagami is the one to pick Kuroko up from the airport and he’s impossibly hard to miss. Kuroko exits into the pick up area and can feel his attention drawn to the tall man in sunglasses and a baseball cap avoiding the crowds of people.
“No sign Kagami-kun?” Kuroko asks in an even toned but clearly sarcastic manner.
Kagami snorts and peers over his sunglasses with deep red eyes. Seeing Kagami again in-person has Kuroko’s stomach doing flips. “What am I? Your personal chauffeur?” Kagami asks with the same inflection.
“For the time being, yes. I do not have my driver's license yet,” Kuroko says and he can’t stop a smile from playing on his lips. Kagami is here. Kagami is so close Kuroko could reach out and touch his arm, bump his shoulder, wrap his arms around Kagami’s torso.
And then he does . Kuroko doesn’t know what comes over him but he hugs kagami and the smaller man realizes how touch-starved he’s been. Kagami is caught off guard, the witty response lost somewhere in his mouth. It takes him a second but Kagami hugs back, wraps a soft arm around kurokos waist and an even more delicate one around his shoulders, weaving his hand into Kuroko’s hair.
If Kuroko could stay pressed to Kagami’s chest like this he would, but Kagami tears away all too soon for his liking. “I’m pretty sure I’m parked in a fire lane,” he says as he takes the handle of Kuroko’s suitcase. At this, Kuroko laughs and shifts his duffle bag. “It’s nice to see that Los Angeles hasn’t changed you at all.”
+++
Kagami is indeed parked in a fire lane and as such, has received a ticket. “God damnit,” Kagami swears in English and it makes Kuroko puff air out of his nose. “Is this word part of our lesson?” Kuroko asks in a semi-broken English. Kagami’s face goes about as red as his hair. “No,” he says sternly, “No swear words for you” as he puts Kuroko’s luggage behind the seats of his overpriced sports car. Kuroko puts his duffle bag gingerly in the foot area of the passenger’s seat and climbs in.
“That’s not fair Kagami-kun,” Kuroko responds in his native language as they speed out of the airport parking lot. “I feel like I’m not getting the full american experience if you don’t teach me those words,” Kuroko prods in a way only he can.
“You’d be too powerful for your own good if I taught you those words,” Kagami responds. “It’s better for the world if Kuroko Tetsuya does not know the word ‘fuck’.”
Kuroko laughs. “I guess I’ll have to learn it from Aomine-kun then,” and Kagami huffs in response. “You have the best English teacher in the world and you’d decide to go to that goblin? I bet he doesn’t even speak English with his teammates. Probably just steals the ball and tells them to stay out of his way.”
They spend the rest of the car ride with a playful banter between them. Being around Kagami, in Kagami’s space, it eases Kuroko’s heart. The warmth of familiarity in a place so grandiose is not lost on Kuroko. It feels like home.
And soon enough they are home. Well, Kagami’s home rather. The apartment Kagami lives in is large and minimalistic. Beyond the entrance way, to the right there’s a kitchen that could easily fit four people, straight ahead a living room adorned with a large sofa and television that curved, to the left, a hallway with two doors on the left, two on the right, and one room at the very end.
“Your apartment is very nice Kagami-kun,” Kuroko says, taking in his surroundings. Even though the apartment has a lot of empty space, something about it feels comforting. “Please stay as long as you’d like,” Kagami responds earnestly. It causes a heat to rise to Kuroko’s face. “At least until you find an apartment,” he amends as if Kuroko hadn’t found where he wanted to live the second he stepped in.
“The guest room is the second door on the right. The one before that is the bathroom, across from your room is the home gym and across from the bathroom is the study,” Kagami says, ushering Kuroko into his apartment and down the hall. “Make yourself at home,” he continues, pushing open the door to the guest room and rolling Kuroko’s suitcase in. “Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes,” and just as Kagami goes to leave, Kuroko grabs his hand quickly. A deep bow and a “Thank you Kagami” in English escape his lips. Kagami seems flustered by this. “No problem,” he responds in English, gives Kuroko’s hand a quick squeeze and then leaves him to his devices.
+++
Kuroko finds that Kagami swears a lot more in English than he ever did in Japanese. He hears a faint curse from the kitchen and Kuroko looks over from where he’s sitting on the couch, where he’s reading. “What happened?” He asks, the English words still foreign in his mouth but slowly finding a place there.
“I cut my finger,” Kagami calls back then Kuroko hears the sound of running water. The smaller man gently sets his book down and goes to retrieve the first aid kit from the bathroom. He brings it back as Kagami is drying off his hand.
“Silly but with your body,” Kuroko says, pulling the bandages out and gently grasping Kagami’s hand to wrap it. Kagami hums for a moment, trying to think of the word. “Clumsy?” He says, more of a question than anything else.
“Yes. Kagami is very clumsy.” And this makes Kagami huff which in turn makes Kuroko smile. “I’m not clumsy,” Kagami says. “I’ve cut thousands of damn onions in my life and I’ve cut myself maybe three times,” he grumbles as Kuroko finishes wrapping the bandaid around his finger.
“Maybe we should start a swear-jar Kagami-kun,” Kuroko smiles pleasantly and lets go of Kagami’s hand in order to clean up. “Absolutely not,” Kagami says and turns back to the half cut onion on the chopping board.
A week later, there’s a mason jar on the kitchen counter with two dollars deposited in it.
+++
“Hey,” Kagami catches Kuroko’s attention. They’re both in Kagami’s home gym, Kagami on the bike and Kuroko doing free weights. Kuroko stops his reps and turns his attention to Kagami’s back. “Do you want to play streetball today?” Kagami asks in English. Kuroko is silent as he ponders it. He and Kagami have found a solid rhythm in the weeks that Kuroko has been in Los Angeles but they hadn’t played together yet. “I know team practice doesn’t start for another few months but man, I’m itching to play again.” Kagami says as he winds down on the bike. “Itching?” Kuroko asks. “Ah, wanting. Itch, Scratch.” Kagami says and Kuroko can see the processing he does to switch to Japanese. “Kayumi?” Kagami thinks out loud.
Kuroko looks at him curiously, gently sets down his weight, walks up to Kagami and places his hand on his upper shoulder, scratching gently. Kagami feels the skin-on-skin contact and nearly super jumps out of the way. “W-What are you doing?” he sputters in Japanese. “You said you were itchy, Kagami-kun.” Kuroko responds, confused.
“Itching to play basketball!” Kagami yells. “Ah,” Kuroko replies. “Then yes, I will play with you. I think it will be fun to play together again even if it’s not an official game.”
Kagami smiles a bit “Yeah. It’ll be nice. I’m uh going to shower and we’ll head out after lunch,” He says, wiping down his face with a towel.
+++
“Kise-kun would like to have dinner,” Kuroko reads out from his phone. Kagami turns his attention from the television to Kuroko, who is sitting a little too closely for an innocent house mate. “ Just Kise?” Kagami inquiries. “I’ll ask,” Kuroko responds and they both hear a ding two minutes later. “Aomine-kun will be joining us as well,” Kuroko says.
Kagami lets out a puff of air and slides down the couch. “Are you… pouting, Kagami-kun?” Kuroko asks through a crooked smile. “No! It’s just he beat me before the season ended so I’m sure he’s going to be insufferable,” Kagami whines. “Do we have to go?”
“You do not have to do anything, Kagami-kun. But I think seeing our friends again would be nice,” Kuroko wants to say more about how foreign everything still feels but doesn’t want to guilt Kagami into going. There’s a beat of silence and Kuroko is sure he can hear the gears turning in Kagami’s head. “Alright, I’ll go,” Kagami says and Kuroko senses a warmth in his chest. “I’ll tell them to make the reservation for four then.”
+++
Dinner goes about as well as it could go between two NBA stars, a world-traveling supermodel, and a man going through bouts of culture shock. “Kagami-kun I am begging you,” he says as a response to Kagami’s taunt of Aomine’s last game. Kise looks equally exasperated as Aomine had started the bickering as soon as they sat down. “They do this every time,” Kise says directing his attention to the man sitting across from him.
Kuroko nods in agreement. “I truly wish we could have one group outing without causing a scene,” he says but can’t find it in him to get actually upset with the two. Kuroko has missed this, has missed his friends. It’s easing the pain he bares slowly. Well it would have had he not heard “FUCK YOU!” From Kagami. “That’s another donation to the swear-jar kagami-kun,” he points out. “FUCK OFF!” and Kuroko raises an eyebrow at him.
Kagami grumbles something about Kuroko bleeding him dry and he quickly settles himself down. Aomine looks between them with a questioning glance before looking at Kise. Kise shrugs slightly and quickly changes the topic, taking a sip of his drink.
Later in the night, Kuroko quietly slips away to the restroom and is met with a casual looking Aomine as he washes his hands. “So you’re living with Kagami now?” He asks suspicion laced in his voice. Kuroko internally flinches and turns to Aomine after turning off the faucet. “For the time being, yes,” he responds carefully. “Until I find an apartment of my own,” he amends.
“And how long will it take to find an apartment of your own?” Aomine pushes further. “You signed with his team , Tetsuya. Those kinds of decisions carry weight. And from what it looks like you haven’t discussed any of that weight with him,” Aomine says. Kuroko knows his friend is just looking out for his best interest but he could really be spared the lecture tonight.
“To be honest, Aomine-kun, I don’t see how that’s any of your concern,” he says flippantly, piercing blue eyes meeting empathetic darker ones. “It’s my concern because you’re my friend and I’m worried about you,” Aomine says.
Kuroko meets him with silence as he moves to walk past the taller man. Just as he reaches for the door, he hears Aomine speak again. “You know he won’t choose you over basketball. I don’t know what the whole ploy was behind getting you to sign with him but you aren’t his first choice,” he says. Kuroko doesn’t turn around. Doesn’t face Aomine. Doesn’t need to. “ I wouldn’t make him choose,” He seethes out in a tone dangerously teetering on breaking his calm facade. “And besides,” he continues, “Does Kise know the same about you?” And with that, Kuroko leaves the bathroom and returns to the table.
When he returns, Kise has somehow racked up glass after glass of alcoholic beverage and is clearly drunk. “Where is Aominiichi?” He slurs to Kuroko as he sits down next to Kagami, shifting his chair a few inches closer than it was prior. “He’s still in the restroom,” Kuroko responds curtly. He turns to Kagami and gives him a questioning look.
“I’ve already cut Kise off and settled the bill,” he says in English to avoid riling the blonde up. Kuroko nods. “Good. Aomine-kun should return soon,” he responds and the sound of Aomine’s name catches Kise’s attention.
“I want to go back with Aominiichi,” the blonde whines. “ Heyyyy, ” he says, a sly look coming across his features. “You guys live together right? Are you sleeping together again?” He asks and Kagami slams his drink on the table, heat rising to his face. While Kuroko is expressionless, he feels mortified. “Daiki and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we first moved in together. I mean we still can’t. Even tonight he said we’d try--” Aomine is quick to cut Kise off.
“That’s enough Ryouta,” he says as he slips his arm under Kise’s and lifts him up. “We’re going home. As repayment for the dinner, I’ll go easy on you in our next game, Kagami,” Aomine says, turning his back to the two and raising his hand to wave nonchalantly. Before Kagami could say anything, Aomine and Kise are gone. And then there’s silence.
“I’m sorry for the way Kise-kun is when he gets drunk,” Kuroko says, not making an effort to stand up from his chair. Kagami nods in agreement. “I don’t know what those two see in each other,” he scoffs, finishes his drink, and stands up.
Maybe Aomine’s words had gotten to him somehow but something boldens in Kuroko. “I don’t know Kagami-kun but don’t you think it’d be nice? To have someone to go home with? To have someone by your side?” He asks.
Kagami looks down at the man sitting in the chair. “Kuroko?” He asks carefully and is quickly met with pushback. “Nevermind Kagami-kun. Let’s return,” Kuroko says and stands up from his chair with a force. The home is never said but hangs in the air between them for the rest of the night.
+++
Kuroko woke up to silence. Usually he could hear the sound of food sizzling in a pan or the oven timer going off but today, he was met with nothing. He groggily sat up and toed on his slippers before making his way out to the kitchen only to find it empty. Strange Kuroko thought as he reached for a mug from the cabinet and started the electric kettle for his morning tea. He investigated around the apartment further, noticed Kagami’s keys and shoes were still where he left them the previous night.
Kuroko made a cup of coffee for Kagami, cream no sugar, and shuffled carefully back down the hallway and to Kagami’s room. He knocked carefully as to not spill anything and voiced a quiet “Kagami-kun may I come in?” He was met with silence for a moment before hearing a distant and gruff “Yeah.”
He precariously opened the door and noticed Kagami still laying in bed. His room was dark and it took a minute for Kuroko’s eyes to adjust. He toed his way in and sat Kagami’s cup of coffee on his bedside table. A small acknowledgement of “Thank you” and he was met with silence again.
Kuroko looked at Kagami carefully, while the other man stared at the wall unmoving. He cycled through thoughts in his head.
Maybe Kagami-kun is tired?
No, his eyes are open.
Maybe Kagami-kun wanted you to cook breakfast?
No, he would’ve asked last night.
Maybe Kagami-kun is upset?
What is he upset about?
Did he lose a game?
No, it’s the off-season.
Did he get broken up with?
No, Kagami-kun isn’t seeing anyone.
Did he get in a fight with his dad?
No, they talked a few nights ago.
Is it is his mom?
Today is June 3rd. Today is the day his mom died.
Kuroko feels a heaviness settle in his stomach. “May I sit Kagami-kun?” He asks, and is met with Kagami shifting backwards to make room for him. Kuroko sits tentatively on the edge of Kagami’s bed, takes a sip of his tea before setting it down and speaks. “Today is…” his voice falters. The anniversary? No, it’s not to be celebrated. The day your mom died? No, too harsh.
Before Kuroko can find the proper phrasing he hears a small “Yeah” from Kagami. Silence again. “Would you like to talk about it?” Kuroko asks softly, being respectful of Kagami’s space. There aren’t any words exchanged but Kuroko hears the sound of blankets shifting and feels the weight of Kagami moving to sit against his headboard. Kuroko shifts as well, until he’s sitting next to the man.
“I just…” Kagami’s voice catches in his throat. He takes a deep breath, sighs and continues. “It doesn’t get easier, you know?” He says, running his hand through his hair. Kuroko glances at him from the corner of his eye. “I lost my mom when I was six. It’s been 20 years since then and it still hurts. I feel… like I was robbed of a life that I never really had,” he says. Kuroko doesn’t know when it happened, but he’s grabbed Kagami’s hand in his own, holding it tightly. Kagami is holding his back.
“It’s not fair,” Kuroko says quietly, unsure of what else to say. Kagami responds with “It’s not” and Kuroko doesn’t think that any language has the words that would make Kagami feel better.
They sit in silence for a while, Kuroko’s thumb rubbing gently over the back of Kagami’s hand. Kagami shifts, pulls himself back under the covers, doesn’t let go of Kuroko’s hand. “Will you stay?” Kagami asks, his usual booming voice barely making a sound and Kuroko doesn’t have to think twice.
“ Yes.”
+++
Kuroko has always been one for calculated decisions which is why when he blurts out “I would like to live with you,” over Tuesday night dinner, it comes as a shock to both Kagami and himself.
Kagami looks up from his plate where he was eating in comfortable silence and looks at him puzzled. “You already do,” he says with a mouth full of food and Kuroko finds him equal parts endearing and disgusting.
“Then…” Kuroko starts, “I would like to continue living with you,” he says with a lot less confidence than he had when he made the initial declaration. He hurries to amend his sentence. “I would like to pay rent. Pay for groceries. Help clean up. I do not want to be a guest anymore. I would like to be housemates.”
Kagami doesn’t need long to think it over. He swallows the food in his mouth and says “Yeah, okay,” before taking a sip from his glass of water. Kuroko is a bit dumbfounded at it all.
“That’s it?” Kuroko asks. “Well sure. I mean, your stuff is already here and we already have a rhythm in place. It’d be easier if you just lived here when the season started anyways,” Kagami replies. “Besides, I like your company,” he adds and Kuroko can feel a slight heat rush to his face.
“I like your company as well, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko responds with a smile. And deep in the furthest parts of his stomach, Kuroko feels something change.
+++
“Tatsuya is coming in about a week. I should have told you sooner but he always visits during the Fourth of July,” Kagami says, as they drive home from a street-ball game. “That’s okay, Kagami-kun. It’ll be nice to see Himuro-kun again,” Kuroko responds and Kagami hums in agreement. “Will Murasakibara-kun be joining him?” Kuroko asks.
Kagami shakes his head. “No, Tatsuya said it was too much of a hassle to convince him to come. Besides, there’s not enough space in my apartment to accommodate them both. My couch isn’t big enough for that height demon,” he says. “You plan to let Himuro-kun sleep on the couch?” Tetsuya asks curiously. “Yeah, I mean he usually takes the guest room but you’re staying there and I’m not going to kick you out of your own room.”
“I can sleep in your bed,” Kuroko blurts out, surprising himself. “I mean, if that’s okay. It’s not fair to have Himuro-kun sleep on the couch like that,” he quickly amends. Kuroko peers over at Kagami and sees that he’s flushing red. “No, I mean yes, no It’s not fair to him and yes it’s alright,” he stammers as he puts the car in park. Kuroko’s chest is filled with warmth. “Remind me to buy ear plugs then. I can hear you snoring from my room.”
+++
When Kagami leaves the warmth of Kuroko in his bed and stumbles out to the kitchen, Himuro is sitting at his table with a cup of coffee and an accusing look on his face. “What?” Kagami asks innocently enough, it’s not like he and Kuroko did anything. “You slept together,” Himuro says as Kagami walks over to fix himself a cup of coffee as well. “I didn’t sleep with him,” Kagami hisses back.
Himuro checks a box off in Kagami’s favor and moves to the next line of questioning. “He’s living with you,” Kagami stiffens. “Alex lived with me,” he tries as a defense, reaching for the milk in his fridge. “You’re gay,” he starts, a wince from Kagami. “Alex is gay.” Another flinch. “And you didn’t have a three year relationship with Alex prior to going pro,” he says and Kagami doesn’t have a response to that so Himuro pushes further.
“Have you guys even talked about what this means for your relationship? I mean you guys just started dating again there’s no-” And before Himuro can finish, he’s cut off. “There’s no relationship. We’re not…. We aren’t dating,” Kagami says and Himuro looks at his brother dumbfounded. “ He’s living with you, Taiga,” Himuro repeats incredulously. “He’s also going through a really hard time,” Taiga snaps quickly. “Tetsuya is…. Having difficulties adjusting to life in America and I don’t think that confessing my undying love for him is going to do anything other than cause him more struggle.”
Himuro is silent as he mulls over the new information. For once, Kagami has a point. If Kuroko is having difficulties adjusting, it probably isn’t in his best interest to rush into anything. So he concedes this one as well. But he’s not letting Kagami go without getting a point himself. “Your undying love huh?” He says a smirk playing at his lips. Kagami’s face turns bright red under the laser-focused eyes. “Shut up and help me make breakfast,” Kagami grumbles and sets his coffee mug on the counter. Point: Tatsuya.
+++
Kuroko wakes up surrounded by Kagami’s scent. His eyes stay closed for just a moment. For just a moment he allows himself to immerse himself in the warmth and comfort wrapping around him. It takes a moment but he remembers I’m in Kagami-kun’s bed . He opens his eyes slowly and finds the area next to him empty. A lingering sadness comes back but Kuroko feels that half of the bed is still warm and that, well that’s something.
Kuroko takes another moment to sit up and look around the room. It’s nicely furnished, painted a soft and calming gray, accented with Kagami’s signature deep red. In front of him is the door to the hallway, to his left is the master bathroom and to his right is a cherry wood dresser matching the rest of the furnishings in the room. Kuroko’s line of site is drawn above the dresser.
Hanging on the wall is a framed degree, flanked by two framed jerseys. Kuroko stands up, walks over to the dresser area and allows himself to gaze. On the right, Kuroko sees a white jersey. The arched “KAGAMI” lies above the light blue number 10 in with the letters and numbers outlined in dark blue. There are bold black signatures sprawled over the numbers, Kuroko doesn’t know the people but he knows the names. Knows them from the games he would stay up to watch when Kagami was in march madness. He remembers seeing Kagami and his team win the NCAA tournament his junior year of college. Kuroko remembers how proud he was of Kagami then, and how nothing has changed now.
Beside that he sees Kagami’s degree. He can read enough to know that it’s a degree in sports media which Kuroko finds greatly endearing. He’s almost positive that Kagami took Midorima’s lucky pencil with him to university.
Next to the degree is a black jersey. Kuroko would know this jersey anywhere. He can still pin-point where he had signed his name on the bottom round of the zero. Kuroko traces the numbers over the glass and fights back the well of emotions that are surfacing. He gets lost in the memories, can still feel the stinging of his passes to Kagami, can still hear the roars of applause when they win a game. For a brief moment, he’s back to a simpler time. He gets so lost in the moment he doesn’t notice the door opening. “Tetsuya?” Kagami’s voice fills his head.
“Tetsuya” he hears again and it pulls him out of his memories. His head snaps to the left “Taiga-kun”, the name slips out without him thinking about it. “Are you okay?” Kagami asks softly, voice full of concern. Kuroko nods and smiles. “Yes. I’m okay,” and Kagami looks at him like there’s pain behind his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks. Kuroko shakes his head and wipes at his eyes. He does. He wants to talk to Kagami about anything and everything. Wants to hear Kagami’s voice as they relive their highschool days. But Himuro is still there and the breakfast they made is getting cold. “Later,” Kuroko says on the exhale of a deep breath. “Later,” Kagami says, and it sounds like a promise as well as a reassurance.
+++
Kuroko first reads about it in the tabloids. He uses the newspapers to practice his English and learn new words but hasn’t quite found the difference between actual news and sensationalized headlines. He can make out some of the words but he’d know Kagami’s name anywhere. His finger follows the words of the bolded white letters with a picture of his roommate on the page. He can make out the words “KAGAMI” and “WANTS” and “TRADE” and that’s all he really needs to understand for the panic to set in.
Kagami wants to be traded. Kagami wants to leave. Kuroko’s thoughts are flashing in his head, not enough to think coherently but enough to make his heart rate rise. Thoughts of their past come flooding back. “ I don’t think we can continue on like this,” Kagami’s voice rings through his ears. “ I will always care for you, Kuroko. But I have to go ahead. This is my dream,” and the worst part of it was Kuroko understood. He could never live with himself if he held Kagami back. So he let go.
But this time, Kagami is leaving again and Kuroko doesn’t have anything to let go of. Kagami wasn’t his this time. Once again, Kuroko will be left behind and this time it’ll be in a country he doesn’t understand. Tears are stinging at the back of his eyes, his breathing becoming heavy and shallow. Kuroko is so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t hear Kagami come in, doesn’t hear the ruffle of the reusable grocery bags being placed on the table. Doesn’t hear his name being called or the heavy footsteps growing louder. He does hear a knock on his door and the gentle creak it makes when it’s opened.
“You’re leaving again,” Kuroko says. If he was the type to yell, he’s sure he’d be screaming but his voice comes out at only slightly louder than normal. “What?” Kagami responds, looking puzzled.
“You requested a trade and you’re going to leave again. You’re unhappy here. You’re going to leave again!” He says, his voice growing in volume as he goes on. He’s stepped off his bed and is quickly getting in Kagami’s space.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Kagami says back, his voice also raising in defense. “You invited me here and you’re going to leave again! You’re leaving!!!” and that sends the tears of frustration down Kuroko’s face. He feels strong and warm hands on his shoulders forcing him to take a few steps back. “Kuroko, what is going on? ” Kagami asks desperately.
Kuroko motions to the magazine lying on his bed and Kagami lets go of Kuroko’s shoulders to walk the few steps it takes to get to the bed and pick it up. He looks at the page it’s open to and glances over it. “Kuroko,” Kagami says his voice stern. Kuroko turns to face him. “This is garbage. It’s lies. This isn’t real,” he says tossing the magazine to the floor.
“And besides,” Kagami places his hands on Kuroko’s shoulders again. “I wouldn’t do that,” he says as deep red eyes meet pale blue ones. “Why wouldn’t you? What’s stopping you from leaving?” Kuroko asks, wiping his eyes. There’s silence and tension between them that could distance worlds. Kagami takes a deep breath, a leap of faith. “ You, ” he says. And without missing a beat Kuroko responds, “ That didn’t stop you before.”
A pang of guilt. It was a low blow and they both knew it. Kagami squeezes Kuroko’s shoulders tightly, as if he’d use his vanishing drive and disappear. “That was different, ” Kagami says and Kuroko can hear the strained anger in his voice.
Kuroko takes a moment to compose himself. “You’re right, Kagami-kun. I’m sorry,” he says, evening his tone. “But I have concerns that…. whatever this is,” he motions between the two of them with his hands “Is not enough. I’m afraid you’ll leave again.” And this time it’s Kagami’s turn to look pained.
“Kuroko, when I left to come to America, I had to choose. It was the hardest choice of my life. And if you blamed me for choosing the NBA I wouldn’t hold it against you,” he starts. “And when I got here, I knew something was missing. I knew that you were missing. I wouldn’t have asked you here, to live with me, if I had plans to leave. If you’ll allow it, I’d like us to stay here together. ”
There were years of distance and pain behind those words. Kuroko was hesitant to accept. He wanted nothing more than to stay with Kagami. Even if things were never the same between them, he’d be content to just stay by Kagami’s side on the court.
“Look, I get it okay? It’s not as easy as just picking up where we left off…” he’s giving Kuroko an out. Kuroko could take it, could run with it. Would never have to risk his heart again. Would never have to be Kagami’s second choice. “...but basketball isn’t as good if you’re not playing with me. Living isn’t as worth it if you’re not living with me. Nothing is good enough without you. So if you asked me to make the choice again, I’d choose both,” Kagami says earnestly.
Kuroko thought for a minute. For once in their entire existence together, Kuroko felt like the idiot. At the start of things, it was different. They could not exist together. Kagami was recruited by the top universities and Kuroko could not follow him to America. It was ill-fated but unavoidable. But this time, it was different. They were both here. They both had made it. They were both together. “Both,” he says and covers his face with his hands. “It can be both,” and it sends Kagami into another bout of confusion. “That’s uh kind of what I just said?” He responds, taking his hands off Kuroko’s shoulders.
“Kagami-kun,” he looks up at the red head, earnestly, “I would really like to kiss you now.” And before Kuroko can repeat himself, he’s met with soft lips on his, calloused hands cupping his face as if he were a porcelain doll ready to break, and senses that finally, after all these years, he’s home for good.