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Cas was so fucking done.
He was sick and tired of Dean’s treatment of him, of his disregard for his safety—and anyone’s besides Sam’s, really—, and of the blaming and screaming.
He had spent three weeks away from the bunker, leaving Dean time to ponder their latest fight, and to miss him, and so when he showed up, waving quietly to Eileen and Sam, he wasn’t surprised to see a hint of pain in Dean’s eyes.
“Cas,” he said, stern as ever, his eyes going back to indifference now that he had processed Cas’ presence in his space. Really, Dean was a lot like a wolf sometimes; possessive over his territory and his pack. “You needed something?” he asked next, voice so full of nothing and a bit of pride that Cas wanted to show him that he was an angel, and he could end him in a second if he wanted to do so.
“I’m here to talk to you, Dean,” he answered, keeping his voice level. Dean raised his eyebrows, clearly not expecting the calmness, but he nodded. Cas tilted his head to the side and allowed a bit of predator to leak through his eyes.
“In private,” he added once he noticed Dean’ subtle shiver. He smiled softly, even though his teeth were showing a bit, and Dean shook his head, not understanding why his instincts were warning him against Cas.
Cas, of course, knew why. Even if he usually didn’t use it against the Winchesters, he did possess inhuman strength, and Dean’s subconscious knew he was in danger. However, Dean’s rational brain was reminding him that this was Cas, and Cas wasn’t a threat.
He never would’ve thought that the Winchesters’ disregard for his angelic nature would work in his favor. Well, he wasn’t going to complain if it allowed him to be alone with Dean.
“Yeah, sure,” Dean finally answered after a few seconds of battling with himself. Cas smiled again and Dean frowned, clearly confused by Cas’ chipper attitude after the last time they’d parted.
He would understand soon enough, Cas thought.
He followed Dean to his room—when spooked, humans usually went to wherever they felt safer—, and watched him sit on the bed. Dean only realized his mistake—the lower ground he’d chosen—when he had to look up to meet Cas’ eyes.
Cas smiled, a little bit charmed by the sudden and obvious lack of comfort in Dean’s face. It’s alright, he thought, you won’t have to be in control for much longer.
“Dean,” he called, and the human stared at him. “You do know I’m an angel, don’t you?”
That said, he began touring the room, looking everywhere but at Dean, even when he felt him squirm. He smiled to himself.
“Yes, I know,” Dean answered, his voice considerably lower now that Sam wasn’t around for him to impress. “Why?”
Cas turned around to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “I was just wondering why, given that you are aware of my power to smite you in a second, you choose to belittle me and treat me like nothing.”
“I don’t—,” Dean began, but Cas wasn’t finished:
“But you do. You treat me like I’m less than you and your brother, when really, I could end you both with a snap of my fingers. I choose not to, even when you mistrust me and suspect me,” he began approaching Dean, not bothering to hide his predatory glance and step anymore. Dean squirmed. “After everything I’ve done for you, is this what I deserve?”
Dean was clearly at a loss for words. “No, Cas, I…” he began. His eyes hardened and Cas braced himself for the blow to come. “It’s not like you haven’t given me reason to suspect you. I mean, Cas, you have betrayed us several times, and-”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” Cas asked, putting his hands on the bed on either side of Dean’s hips until their faces were so close he could feel Dean’s breath on his lips. “I have stood by you for years. I have betrayed Heaven for you. I fell for you. I’ve abandoned peaceful lives for you. I’ve battled all sorts of creatures for you. Do you know why I did all of that, Dean?”
Dean swallowed. Hard.
Cas smiled a sad, slow smile.
“Because I love you,” he said, looking down. “I have loved you for years, Dean, and even though your life is a second in the eternity of mine, it feels like I always have, and I always will. Like I was waiting for you to appear, and only then did my existence make sense.”
He looked back up at Dean’s eyes, and for once he found no defensiveness, but a soft, impossibly sweet incredulity. But Cas no longer held only loving feelings for this human.
“But I’m fucking done, Dean,” he continued. “I will not allow you to use me anymore. I will not let you take advantage of my love anymore.”
He took Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him. There was no sweetness, like it might have been one day, but simply a blind, uncontrollable need, and passion, always passion. Dean’s mouth opened for him, and Cas took control of the kiss in an instant, almost smiling when he felt Dean moan in the back of his throat.
He’d always known Dean longed for someone to take control away from him.
He pushed Dean until he was flat on his back and breathless, and Cas smiled with a deceiving sweetness in his face. Dean was blushing.
“Cas, what…?” he began, but Cas didn’t let him finish, choosing to join lips again, forcing his tongue in Dean’s mouth. Dean moaned again, and Cas could almost taste the embarrassment he was feeling in his lips. Ignoring it, he started to undress Dean, pining him down when he tried to undress Cas as well.
“Now, now, Dean,” Cas said then, smiling. “Don’t make me tie you up.”
There was hurt in Dean’s eyes, but Cas didn’t care. Not anymore.
“But…” Dean began, and Cas tilted his head to the side, wanting to see where this led. “I wanna see you.”
Cas clicked his tongue.
“Don’t think so,” was his only answer, and he lowered himself on the bed, ignoring Dean’s protests, to take off the human’s pants and boxers, leaving him completely naked while Cas still wore all of his clothes. Dean blushed at his own vulnerability, and Cas smiled when he saw that he was hard.
Dean reached for him, and Cas took hold of both his hands with one of his own and used the other to remove his tie and bind Dean’s hands with it. He put them over Dean’s head and smiled ferociously down at him.
“Move them, and you’ll regret it,” he warned, and something akin to arousal passed through Dean’s eyes.
“Oh, yeah? How are you gonna make me regret it?” he teased, but Cas wasn’t in the mood to be nice and tease back.
He took hold of Dean’s cock and stroked it a few times, making him let out a needy moan that was music to Castiel’s ears.
“I could keep you on the edge for hours, for days, for years, and not let you come, no matter how much you fuck or get fucked,” he answered, and Dean’s eyes closed as another moan escaped his mouth. “Oh, you like that? You like hearing the control I have over you?”
Dean didn’t answer. Castiel chuckled patronizingly as he continued to stroke Dean’s cock, letting the human reach the edge but never finish, until Dean’s moans were replaced by sobs and the human was trying to hide his face in the crook of his arm.
“Do you get it now?” Cas asked, letting go, and Dean finally looked at him, quiet tears falling down his face. “I could have done this from the start. I could have fucked you every night and make you forget in the morning. I could have taken away your will completely. I could have made you beg for me for hours until you forgot anything but my name.”
Dean shuddered, and more tears fell down his face, and Cas knew that the human had finally understood.
“I didn’t do any of it,” he said then, a bitter mock of a smile taking over his features, “because I fell in love with you. Because that’s not the man I am, or ever want to be. But you took my love and abused it. You’ve hurt me for years, Dean. I’m done with being your friend when you’re not mine.”
Dean closed his eyes, still crying, and he stopped moving at all. His cock was still hard, but the rest of him was completely relaxed as he took in Cas’ words. Cas wasn’t going to let him process and find some more emotional ammunition to shoot at him, so he reached for the lube he’d brought.
Dean’s eyes snapped open when the cap of the bottle was popped open, and there was fear in them. Once, Cas would’ve cared. Now, it was just fucking hot.
He coated his fingers in lube, and some hurt, mean part of him whispered that Dean didn’t deserve even that much after the way he’d treated him for years. However, Cas did still love Dean, and didn’t wish to actually hurt him.
So he spread Dean’s legs and, under the hunter’s watchful eye, began circling at his rim with his lubed fingers.
If some part of him was surprised by Dean’s sudden and silent acceptance of what was happening, it was quickly overridden by the part that was begging him to just fuck the man once and for all.
Then, Dean closed his eyes and bit his lip, and Cas realized he was trying to stop himself from making noise. That pissed him off, and so he slid one finger inside his human. Dean couldn’t stop a low moan from escaping his lips, and Cas smiled wickedly.
“Do you like this?” he asked then. “Being tied down, held open and fingered? Completely helpless? Knowing I could just fuck you open if I wanted to?”
Dean’s eyes opened again and stared at him, this time filled with a vulnerability Cas hadn’t been expecting.
“Yes,” the hunter breathed then, and what was left of Cas’ heart leapt. “Cas…” Dean began, but Cas didn’t let him finish, pumping his finger in and out of Dean’s hole, making the hunter whine softly.
“I never expected you to be such a slut, Dean,” Cas said then, finding some twisted joy in the way Dean’s cheeks flushed and he looked away. He pushed in and out slowly, and then he added another finger, and Dean’s eyes rolled back into his head as he whined so softly it almost made Cas’ heart feel something. Almost.
“You like that?” Cas asked, and then he found Dean’s prostate and the hunter’s hips jumped up from the bed as he let out a long, deep moan.
“Cas…” Dean whined, and Cas smiled. He was still keeping him on the edge, and Dean’s tears were beginning to roll down his face again.
“You have such a pretty crying face,” Cas said, and Dean’s face became even redder. “You walk around pretending to like control, when really, you just want someone to hold you down and fuck you, isn’t that right, my pretty boy?”
Dean whined again as he fucked back on Cas’ fingers, trying to get them to touch his sweet spot again. Cas ignored it on purpose and stopped moving his fingers, so Dean was the one fucking himself.
Finally, Dean looked back up at him.
“Yes,” he simply admitted, and Cas smiled again. He knew there was no warmth on his face, and some buried part of him regretted it when Dean looked away.
Cas managed to add a third finger, and now Dean was keening, hips jumping up and down as Cas hit his prostate over and over, still not letting him come. His eyes never met Cas’, though.
“Have you ever been fucked, Dean?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head, and Cas clicked his tongue and pushed against his prostate one more time. “I need words.”
Dean’s blush had taken over the rest of his body. He buried his face in the pillow behind him and then came his muffled answer: “N-no.”
Cas chuckled and clicked his tongue again.
“No, what?” he asked.
This time, Dean looked at him. There was rage in his eyes, but Cas only saw a boy who needed some discipline, and so he took his fingers out of Dean’s hole and spanked him twice. Dean gasped and winced, and then he moaned. Cas rose an eyebrow. Like that, did he?
“No, what, Dean?” he repeated, and Dean huffed. Cas spanked him again, and Dean let out a small sound suspiciously similar to a whimper. Still, he managed to answer in an angry whisper:
“No, I’ve never been fucked.”
Cas smirked. “Good.”
He took hold of Dean’s legs and raised them up, putting them over his shoulders, and then he positioned himself so his clothed cock was lined up with Dean’s hole. Slowly, he reached down and unzip his pants, looking directly into Dean’s eyes as he did so, and so he was able to enjoy the hunter’s flinch when he heard the zipper.
Thankfully, Cas hadn’t worn underwear, knowing this was to come, and he knew just how embarrassing it would be for Dean to be fucked while completely naked by a totally clothed Cas.
Smiling darkly, Cas tilted his head to the side.
“Should I lube up my cock or fuck you dry?” he wondered out loud, and he almost laughed at the terrified expression in Dean’s face. “Huh, Dean?”
“Use lube, you—” Dean began, but a well-placed spank had him reconsidering until he finally whispered: “Lube, please, Cas.”
Perhaps this time Cas’ smile was a bit gentler.
Deep down, he didn’t want his first—and probably only—time with Dean to be painful for the hunter, and so he lubed up his cock before rubbing the tip against Dean’s hole gently. Dean shuddered, and Cas kissed his leg from his ankle to his knee, slowly. When he felt Dean relax a bit at the gentle treatment, he began slowly pushing in.
Dean gasped and clenched down, but Cas was already partially in, and he kept mouthing at the hunter’s leg until he relaxed again.
“That’s it, Dean,” he couldn’t stop himself from whispering as he pushed in a little further, and Dean’s eyes were wide open now, staring at him. The green he found there seemed to eat at his soul, and Cas was suddenly unable to be cruel or mocking towards his human anymore.
He slid in so slowly he was almost surprised when he bottomed out, and Dean whimpered, this time unashamedly. Cas smiled to himself and stood still, allowing him time to get used to being filled like this. Dean’s eyes were closed again, and he was panting a bit. Cas let go of one of his legs to caress his face, and Dean opened them again, looking at him dazedly.
“You’re doing so well,” Cas said, and Dean blinked a few times as if he had trouble believing it. Which, Cas figured, he probably did. When had someone truly praised Dean for the last time? Or while he was growing up, for that matter.
“Such a good boy for me,” Cas whispered, and Dean blinked some more, tears shining in his eyes as he whined softly. He was unraveling. It was beautiful.
Cas backed away and then pushed back in, and Dean’s eyes widened in shock when he hit his prostate, another moan escaping his lips.
“Cas…” he said, and he looked like he was pouting but felt too ashamed to admit it. Cas smiled, changing their positions so Dean’s legs were around his waist as he thrusted, shifting from fast to slow. Dean writhed beneath him, eyes rolled back with pleasure, and Cas bent down to kiss him. Dean whined against his lips and only then did Cas realized he’d stopped moving. He smiled against the hunter’s lips.
“Oh, my,” he mocked, but he knew fondness was seeping into his tone. “What a needy boy.”
Dean flushed again, pulling at the tie that was restraining his hands. Cas buried himself deep inside him and smiled when Dean gasped.
“Is there anything you want?” Cas asked, mocking, as if he wasn’t currently drilling Dean’s prostate. Dean keened, unable to answer, but he glared daggers at the angel. Cas cocked his head to the side. It seemed he had more disciplining to do. He grabbed Dean’s cock with one hand and began pumping it, even as he used his power to prevent the hunter’s orgasm. With his other hand, he spanked the inside of Dean’s thigh.
“I asked,” he began, as Dean bit his lip and failed to restrain the long whine that left his throat, “if there’s anything you want.”
Dean was crying again, but Cas simply stared and waited him out.
“I…” Dean began, finally, after a few more seconds. “I want…” Cas slowed his thrusts to let him speak. “I want to come, Cas, please.”
“Was that so hard?” Cas asked, laughing, and Dean just kept crying and blushing. It was beautiful, really. “Isn’t it frustrating, not getting what you want?”
Dean’s eyes widened.
“You’re not gonna let me come?” he asked. “At all?”
Truthfully, Cas hadn’t thought about it.
However, now that the idea was on the table, it seemed… fitting. He could leave Dean wanting, like he’d been left wanting for years, desperate for love, and—
“Cas, please,” Dean begged, and he began crying in earnest. “Please, Cas, let me come, please, I won’t be able to make it, please, please… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please let me come, please, I’m sorry…”
Cas wasn’t expecting this. Dean put his bound hands around his shoulders and buried his face in Cas’ neck, sobbing uncontrollably as he whined:
“I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be good for you, so good, please let me come, Cas, please…”
Cas didn’t understand. What was so horrible about not coming? Why was Dean so desperate?
“Cas, please, please, please,” Dean kept saying. “Please, Daddy, please, let me come, please, I’ll be good, I promise, please…”
He trailed off, softly murmuring and promising to be good. Cas’ heart broke. And then it melted. It was all so clear now.
Dean couldn’t bear the thought of him making him suffer on purpose, and that was why he was so desperate. He was equating his value as a man, as a man Cas loved, to the way Cas was treating him, because, even know, when he was doing this to him, some part of Dean trusted him. Always had.
As he looked into Dean’s teary eyes, Cas knew that he had lost.
If Dean had remained angry, Cas would have been able to do the same.
But Dean was crying. He was begging. He was vulnerable. He was promising to be good for Castiel.
Dean had had so little love in his life. The people who were supposed to love him inconditionally had been unable to do so, and everyone else was dead. He only had Sam. And Cas. And right now, he needed Cas to be kind, and forgive him for the pain he’d caused him.
“Shhh,” he shushed, holding Dean’s head against his neck and beginning to move slowly inside of him. “It’s alright, Dean. I know you’ll be good. You’re such a good boy for me.”
Dean moaned softly and let his head fall back until he was looking at Cas’ eyes again, still crying, but looking a lot less distressed. He whimpered sweetly as Cas fucked him gently, eyes wide and dazed, and Cas spread small kisses in his jaw, and his neck, and the edges of his pretty mouth.
He began stroking Dean’s cock again, letting go of the hold he’d had on the human’s orgasm, and Dean immediately began racing towards his climax.
“Ah, ah, ah,” he began panting, and Cas would’ve laughed if he hadn’t also been close to coming. “Cas, please…”
“You can come for me now, my love,” Cas whispered in his ear, and Dean shuddered. “Come for me, be a good boy. Don’t you wanna come for Daddy like a well-behaved little boy?”
Dean’s eyes widened at the words—he probably thought his previous slip of the tongue had gone unnoticed—and he came, yelling Cas’ name and still sobbing, soaking both of their stomachs. Cas followed mere seconds later, thrusting so deep he made Dean whimper again, and then he was falling on top of the hunter, completely exhausted.
Slowly, Cas came back down from the place he’d gone off to.
His anger had evaporated alongside Dean’s tears, and all he had left now was the knowledge of what he had done and what it would mean for their relationship. Surely, Dean would never speak to him again. Not after this.
“Cas?” Dean called then, still laying under him, and Cas sighed into his chest. Time to face reality. “Can you untie me?”
Cas got up immediately. Of course. He’d almost forgotten about the tie. He reached for Dean’s hands, not looking at him, afraid of the rejection he knew he would see, and untied him. He sat back and fixed his clothes. Looking down, he awaited Dean’s wrath.
He felt Dean get off the bed and meddle around in the room, and he still couldn’t move. He knew he should apologize, but he couldn’t. He was so in love with Dean it hurt.
He heard Dean approaching again and he stiffened, still not looking up.
Then, Dean climbed on the bed, sat between his legs and put his arms around him, tucking his head beneath Cas’ chin. Cas noticed he’d put on boxers and a Metallica shirt.
“D-Dean?” he asked, too shocked to hug him back.
“Yeah?” Dean answered, holding him tight, with a tone that was close to a purr.
“Aren’t you angry at me?”
Dean chuckled, somewhat amused, somewhat bitterly.
“I can never be angry at you, Cas. Not really. I love you.”
This time, Cas was the one who sobbed as he held onto Dean, burying his face in the hunter’s hair and muttering I love you’s. Dean laughed softly and patted his back.
“Yes, baby, I know,” he answered. “I know.”
“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas began. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Hey, shhh,” Dean interrupted. “I’m sorry too. You were right. I’ve been awful to you.”
Cas pulled away to look him in the eye. Dean’s green was as raw as ever.
“But I… I…” he couldn’t finish the sentence, but Dean understood. He held Cas’ face in his hands.
“Cas, you didn’t do anything I didn’t want.”
Cas shook his head. He was only saying that to comfort him. Dean sighed.
“Alright, think about it like this; if I had asked you to stop, would you have stopped?”
No hesitation.
“Yes, of course.” The notion of hurting Dean like that was unthinkable.
Dean smiled.
“Of course you would have,” he said, soothingly, and Cas nodded even as he felt tears fall down his face. “Because… you love me.”
Dean flushed when he said that, and Cas smiled.
“I do,” he said, and he let Dean kiss him. This time, it wasn’t rash, or angry. It was simply a kiss. Soft. Slow. Dean’s tongue entered his mouth and Cas moaned softly, and then he felt Dean smile against his mouth, which caused him to smile in return.
“Cas?”
“Hmm?”
“Next time, can you also get naked?”
Cas chuckled.
“Next time, my love, I will do whatever you want.”