Chapter Text
Amanda has spent about eight years getting used to the SVU interrogation room in New York. Usually, when some scumbag tries to get personal with her, whether that be flirting with her or trying to get in her head, she doesn’t bat an eye. Some of them leave her with a case of the creeps, but a hot shower or cold beer afterwards do the trick.
That’s where she thought this current interrogation was going. Nothing struck her as unusual with this particular scumbag. Martin was acting real cocky, like he knew it all. Amanda didn’t feel the need to suppress her eyeroll. They almost had a case; all they needed was to get him to talk a little bit more.
“What’s wrong, detective?” Martin cooed in Amanda’s direction. “Am I boring you?”
“You sure are, Martin,” Olivia answered instead. “You planning on telling us what really happened?”
“She answer for you?” he asked Amanda, cocking his head in Olivia’s general direction.
Amanda glanced at Olivia, who launched into a summary of everything they had on Martin, obviously disinterested in any games he had to play. A few minutes later, Olivia concluded with “So then what did you do with her?”
Amanda’s gaze moved back to Marvin, who was smirking at her. It threw her for a split second.
“Amused?” Amanda asked.
“I am actually,” Martin smiled. “She doesn’t know how you look at her, does she?”
Amanda felt her heart drop.
She knew she should just respond as if the comment meant nothing to her. Doing anything else would just encourage him. But her thoughts had momentarily drifted away from the interrogation, as she felt terrified of Olivia’s reaction. She didn’t want to see her face, but at the same time, she had to look.
She looked over at Olivia, whose expression was unreadable. Of course. Just like her own should be.
“Yes, princess,” Martin continued, drawing her eyes back to him. “Her.”
Amanda found the voice she shouldn’t have ever lost. “You can say whatever you want, Martin. You’re not going to distract us from what you did.”
“Uh huh,” Martin chuckled for a moment then paused. “Never mind the fact that you look at her like you’re completely in love with her. Oh, am I right? You’re cute when you blush.”
Amanda felt herself get redder at the comment, but pushed forward. “Oh, I get it,” she began. “You wanted her to know you were in control of her, right? Like you’re doing to me now?”
“Sweetheart, we both seem to know this situation well,” he stared directly at Amanda, while Olivia watched from afar. “Women love men who are in charge of them.”
“So she wanted you to strangle her? Because she wanted you to be in charge of her?”
“Exactly,” he agreed. “The number of times I’ve seen it. Women kind of hating their boss but then somewhere along the line deciding that they want him to be in control outside the office, too. That’s exactly what happened here. I was just giving her what she wanted.”
Amanda slid the photos of the girl’s neck towards him. “You think she wanted this?”
“She did,” he continued. “Out of anyone, you should understand.”
“Yeah, why’s that?” Amanda pushed. “Am I your type? The ones you like to strangle?”
“No, sweetheart. You’re cute, but you’re not my type,” he smiled. “But women love men in charge. Or, in your case, other women, if you’re a lesbian.” Amanda swallowed. She could feel sweat droplets starting to form at her hairline.
“You really think you know what you’re talking about.”
“I know I do,” he chuckled lightly. “When she says jump, you ask how high, right?” He pauses and glances at Olivia for emphasis. “You do all you can, while pretending it’s to prove yourself as a good detective. But really what you want is for her to hold you down on her bed at night, right?”
“Enough!” Amanda shouted, in a tone a bit too angry. “We’re not talking about me here. We’re talking about you, and what you did!” She slammed the pictures down in front of him again.
Amanda jumped at the sound of a knock on the glass. She let out a frustrated grunt as she stood up, pushing the chair over and heading towards the door. She kept her head down as she stormed out of the hallway, avoiding eye contact with Fin and Carisi and running her hands roughly through her hair. She couldn’t believe she let him get to her.
Why had she let that happen to her? And was she really that transparent, that a creep like him could look at her and Olivia in the same room for five minutes and figure out her feelings? She couldn’t imagine facing Fin or Carisi, who had pulled them both out after seeing how bad it was getting. Embarrassment washed over her, and she felt like vomiting at the thought of facing Olivia. She rushed to the restroom in preparation.
She paced back and forth a few times before deciding that she couldn’t take it in there, with the chance of any one of them approaching her with a questioning look the second she walked out of the ladies’ room. She rushed out of the precinct, quickly texting Fin “Need a walk,” while on her way out.
***
The interrogation had started late, so by the time she got back, the squad room was empty except for Fin, and Olivia who was sat in her office. The cool air had helped calm her breathing and calm her anger, but it didn’t do much for the crushing humiliation.
Fin met her gaze as soon as she entered. He had definitely been waiting for her. He practically jumped out of his seat to go drag her into the breakroom, as far away from Olivia as he could currently get.
“Amanda,” he said, voice concerned. “You okay? That got pretty rough in there.”
“Honestly, Fin,” Amanda sighed. “No. Ugh. God, why did that have to happen?”
“The guy was a grade-A asshole,” Fin replied. “It’s not on you.”
“Fin, I’m sure she believed him.” She ran her hands nervously through her hair. “After how worked up I got.. God. Why was I so stupid?”
“You weren’t.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Listen, Amanda. Perps try to analyze us all the time. Sometimes it gets under our skin. She’ll get it. She’s freaked out in there once or twice over the years.”
“Fuck, Fin. I gotta go talk to her. I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”
“She’s got a trash can in there,” he said, trying to meet her eyes.
“Funny,” Amanda smiled despite her mood. “What happened to Martin?”
“He confessed. We got him.”
“Good,” Amanda nodded.
“Listen, Amanda, I’ll be hanging around the lobby if you need me afterwards.”
“Thanks,” Amanda said appreciatively as she watched Fin walk towards the elevator.
“Guess there’s no time like the present,” Amanda thought as she walked over and gave a light knock on Olivia’s door.
***
Olivia appeared surprised at the sound, as if she was on edge. Her eyes momentarily widened before she composed herself, took off her glasses and gave a weak smile. “Come on in, Rollins.”
Amanda returned the same kind of smile as she moved to sit down in front of Olivia’s desk, running a hand nervously through her blonde waves.
“Fin told me Martin confessed,” Amanda stated, thinking it was a safe starting point.
“Sure did. It didn’t take long after you left,” Olivia paused briefly. “Maybe it was the flying chair.”
Olivia said it with a smile and light tone, but Amanda covered her face with her hands. “Oh gosh. I’m really sorry about that.”
“He deserved it,” Olivia simply smiled.
Amanda’s heart was racing, both from Olivia’s gentle words and what had to come next.
“Liv, about what happened in there..” Amanda knew she looked nervous, despite the fact that Olivia was seemingly over-compensating with her kindness. Regardless, Amanda resisted the urge to bring her hands back up to her hair. She tried to force herself to hold eye contact as she fidgeted across from Olivia.
“It’s fine, Rollins,” she said. “These guys sometimes try to get to us. It’s hard sometimes. But we were just working.”
“Okay,” Amanda said, slightly surprised by Olivia’s nonchalance. “Well I’d still like to apologize. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Well, thank you. Are you okay? I was worried about you.”
“Well,” Amanda sighed, “It was a little rough. I, uh, usually don’t let them get to me. But I’m fine.”
“I know you don’t,” Olivia paused thoughtfully. “What was it about this one?”
“It was you,” Amanda blurted. “I mean, I just didn’t want you feeling uncomfortable. It wasn’t just someone coming after me this time.”
“I can take it,” Olivia said with a wink. Amanda felt her heart skip a beat at how adorable she is.
“The thing is, these guys think they know us,” Olivia continued. “They think they have us all figured out. Just like that. It’s ridiculous. And, if that was the case, we might be having a different conversation here, but,” Olivia shrugged. Then she looked up at Amanda and smiled.
Amanda took a deep breath. She felt completely swept up in Olivia’s kindness and charm. She took another.
“Have they ever been right?” Amanda asked, and Olivia furrowed her brow. “I mean, what if.. he wasn’t being completely ridiculous today?” Amanda held her breath.
Her eyes widened again. “What are you saying, Amanda?”
“No, I’m just,” Amanda stuttered. “He wasn’t completely wrong. I mean, he knew that I’m not straight, and, I mean, I don’t even think any of you realized that..”
Olivia looked down for a moment. “I wasn’t going to ask about that.”
“You’ve even said yourself that I have a blind spot for people in authority.. Well, you said men, but..”
Olivia looked down again before meeting Amanda’s eyes. “And about me..”
“About you?” Amanda asked hesitantly, not expecting Olivia to be the one to push this further.
“Nothing,” Olivia shook her head. Amanda cursed herself for causing her to retreat. “You know, it has been a hell of a day. Let’s get out of here and continue this over a drink?”
Amanda’s hand reached her hair again. “Uh, yeah. Yeah.”
Olivia smiled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”