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Nights… Nights were so long. Too long for one to stand them. Tiredness were slowly making one fall asleep. It was so natural to sleep at nights while being awaken in the daytime. Sleep was needed part of one's life. To restore strength and let mind rest. It always was like that.
Not anymore. Kodya couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. No matter how tired he was, he preferred to stay awake as long as possible, allowing himself to sleep only when his mind was blacking out. Not because he wanted it to be that way. But because of what night had for him when he was closing his eyes. Those longs night have nothing else but nightmares for him. No rest, no peace, but horrors. Horrors of that day. Day of the Incident. Day what literally changed everything for everyone. What shattered their trust to each other and their dreams. Most importantly, it took away so many lives. So many of their friends were lost forever with no chance even for reset. They were taken by shadows. By shadows what Gyrus brought into the Room of Swords.
Gyrus who used to lead them to their dreams… Whom they all trusted. Whom Kodya trusted more than anyone. Even more than that. It was so much more. He would gladly do anything for him. He wanted to help, to be needed, And in the end… In the end he was the one who killed him. With what he took from his hands. He did it. He didn't think much back then. Not about, what he was doing in that moment. Not about result of his actions. He thought about it now. Now, when it was so late to change anything. When everything was done. Gone. When Gyrus was… was dead. And his blood was on Kodya's hands. It was on his hands.
He seen it over and over again in his dreams. Nightmares. How blood from his wounds blinded his eye, filling it with red. Tears were mixing with it, dropping down, blurring everything. But it wasn't enough to get rid of the image in front of him. It wasn't enough to get blood on his hands out of sigh. Blood of the most important person to him. Of one, he was ready to die for. Blood from the wound, deadly wound, what he made. And that laugh, that last laugh, was filling his ears. Full of loath, despise and cruelty. It was both so familiar, as he heard him laughing before, but so alien in the same time. He just was unable to imagine such hate in Gyrus' laugh. And more than that. He laughed on room of swords, on everyone. And Kodya knew, there was hate for him too. And thought of Gyrus hating him… it filled his heart with pain, sharp as broken glass. As if shadow wrapped it's burning with cold palm around his heart, clenching it.
Back then he thought his choice to be right, to be the only way to save whose, who remained. To save their friends. But now… Now he wasn't so sure. It all suddenly lost it's meaning without him. Sometimes during those longs nights Kodya thought what would it be if he didn't act, if he didn't betray Gyrus then. Would he remain the same? On the side of shadows but still... With kind smile of his. With those beautiful purple eyes looking at him as they talk. With him being alive. Not dead. With this loathfull laugh never filling his ears, unforgettable and heartbreaking. Would it be better if he had died instead? But died on the side of one he loved… Still loves, even after all what happened.
There was no chance to change it now. No chance to go back and do it. It was all was done. It all was gone. And those nights were so long.