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Kageyama's Delivery Service

Summary:

Kageyama is no Kiki, that’s for sure.

Or: in which there might be crack, in one form or another.

Notes:

A story where Kageyama is a runner, Tanaka and Nishinoya find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, Hinata takes a leaf out of Kageyama's book, and Oikawa runs a successful business empire with Iwaizumi as the Alfred to his Bruce Wayne.

Warnings are in the tags.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Just tell me, come on!” Hinata pestered him for what must be, according to Kageyama, the thousandth time. Kageyama was full from a delicious dinner, enjoyed not more than ten minutes ago. He should be thinking about how comfy and welcoming his bed is right now, not worrying about an impending headache. But Hinata has always had a propensity for doing the opposite of what Kageyama expects of him.

 

“It’s not like you’re murdering people; just tell me! A librarian? You own your own business? Zookeeper? Snitch! You work at the docks? Babysit fi-”

 

“Why would I do any of those things?” Kageyama interrupted him, frustrated. “You really want to know what my job is?”

 

Hinata nodded quickly.

 

“Illegal drugs,” Kageyama said, voice low and eyes intense.

 

Hinata blinked up at him. 1 minute, 5 minutes. Kageyama started to fidget.

 

“Look I know it’s not what you expected but it can’t always be about voll-”

 

“I fucking knew it, you turd!”

 

“-eyball-, wait, what?”

 

This is how Hinata finds out.

 

--

This is how Kageyama started.

 

“I… dabble in the art of combining chemical substances and transforming them into a commercial product that can be distributed across a vast network of people, from which I ultimately collect a substantial profit,” Oikawa said, with that enigmatic smile that always kinda unnerved Kageyama. But money was money and, until he actually has a contract with a professional Volleyball team, practicing wasn’t going to pay the bills. A fact Kageyama was very surprised to find out one morning after a month of living at his apartment and just barely affording rent and that week’s food supply (as an athlete, he tended to buy and consume food within a week).  

 

So… he has to do this. For volleyball. And food, but mostly volleyball.

 

And Oikawa was one of the first people he could think of who had his own business and didn’t require a formal resumé (he hated writing those out).

 

“Fine, but don’t involve me in any of your other weird shit,” Kageyama replied a moment later. Oikawa opened his mouth, most likely to explain more about his business, but Kageyama quickly interrupted.

 

“No, I don’t want any details. I’ll do the job, but I’d rather not get too involved in whatever strange business you’re doing,” Kageyama explained. Oikawa, if it was possible, smiled even brighter and rushed at him. Kageyama was too in shock to retaliate, only to realize he was being hugged.

 

“Fine! And don’t worry Tobio-chan! You’ll do the easy stuff because you’re dumber than a bag of nails!”

 

“You really need to improve your recruiting skills a little,” Iwaizumi muttered from nearby, leaning against the pale-green wall of a restaurant, looking over his shoulder every so often at the people passing by. Oikawa’s only response was to stick his tongue out at him, unsurprisingly.

 

As Oikawa hid behind him when Iwaizumi stalked forward with murder in his eyes, Kageyama was wondering what he’d just gotten himself into.

 

--

“The late nights! Avoiding me on the street sometimes. That one time I saw you hand some kid a brown paper bag. I’m pretty sure he was a middle schooler, Kageyama. You’re corrupting the youth of Japan!”

 

“Hold on, dumbass. Let me explain!” Kageyama interrupted, knowing to halt Hinata’s ranting before he gets really worked up. “That kid had nothing to do with my job. I was doing a favor for my mom. And like you’re one to judge how old someone looks; you looked like a middle schooler until our third year, dumbass!”

 

“Hey, I’m a late bloomer! And that doesn’t mean I can’t judge other people’s ages!” Hinata fought back, making sure to stand up a little on his toes so he could fight face to face. He’d grown taller, but he was still some centimeters shorter than Kageyama.

 

“Yeah it kind of does, dumbass!”

 

“Hey hey, what are you guys fighting about?” Tanaka asked, wandering over from a nearby Yakiniku restaurant. Nishinoya was trailing behind, a small, inquisitive frown on his face.

 

Before Kageyama could stop him, Hinata swiftly turned around and yelled,

 

“He’s a drug dealer!” pointing straight at Kageyama’s bewildered face.

 

“You shit, I told you that in confidence. Don’t you know how to keep a secret!”

 

Tanaka and Nishinoya could only stare back for a few minutes, before bursting out in laughter.

 

“Wha- what?” Tanaka gasped in between bouts of laughter. Nishinoya could only spit out indiscernible syllables, face red as he wheezed through his laughter.

 

When the two of them finally got themselves under control again, they straightened up slowly, Tanaka wiping a stray tear from the corner of his eyes.

 

Kageyama had a hand covering his face, breathing harshly through his nose. Hinata was still pointing at the other man, his eyes large and expectant.

 

“Kageyama, a drug dealer? Those two things don’t really match up, don’tcha think?” Tanaka offered, arms akimbo. He looked toward Nishinoya to back him up.

 

“Tanka’s right. Kageyama, no offense, but you don’t really strike me as a drug-dealing type. Do you even known what Meth is?” Nishinoya added.

 

“Math? That’s a school subject. What does that have to do with anything?” Kageyama replied, brows furrowing, confused. Hinata was just as confused beside him, nodding his head in agreement.

 

Wow they’re fucking stupid, Nishinoya and Tanaka thought simultaneously.

 

“You don’t even know one of the most common, and highly addictive drugs being pushed? How have you survived so far?” Nishinoya asked exasperatedly. They were getting no where, and wasting time too! He could be watching Slash Killer III by now!

 

“I mostly just do what people tell me to do. You know, go here, do that. That kind of thing.”

 

“You’re an errand boy for a drug empire?” Hinata exclaimed, paused, then looked up at Kageyama with a wide-eyed look “Wait, how much does that even make?!” Tanaka didn’t think any of that was really relevant right now, though he was kind of curious about his pay too. If you’re gonna risk your life or the possibility of getting chucked in jail, he’d want to be paid generously until then.

 

“L-look it’s not even any of your business, and especially none of their business,” Kageyama sputtered, glaring at the three boys assembled in front of him. Hinata took a step back, insulted and incredulous.

 

“None of my business? I’m your lover!”

 

Kageyama’s expression twisted into something that can only be described as ‘suffering constipation’.

 

Tanaka and Nishinoya didn’t look any better. They were not, as they initially believed, walking into an argument between two idiots. They were in a decidedly very personal, and increasingly uncomfortable, quarrel between two idiots, who were, they slowly realized, dating. And they were somehow stuck in the middle of it. Nishinoya moved a little toward Tanaka, leaning up on his tip toes to whisper to him.

 

“I think that’s our cue to get the hell away from here-”

 

“-as fast as we can. I’m with you.”

 

“I told you not to use that word! It’s weird!” They quickly looked back toward Kageyama, who seemed to have revived himself.

 

“Don’t call our love weird! And don’t change the subject! You’re decisions affect me too because we’re dating and if you, if you… were gone… I” Hinata stopped, staring angrily at Kageyama but looking completely distraught. Tanaka and Nishinoya slowly started to step away, trying to make as little movement as possible, though the duo seemed oblivious to them now.

 

Kageyama had the decency to look chagrined, looking away, not really knowing what to say.

 

“Hey don’t act like that. I’m not… going to go away, or anything, okay?” He muttered, uncomfortable with where this conversation was going and thinking it inappropriate to have it in the middle of the street with random people nearby. He glanced down at Hinata’s sunny hair, reaching out slowly to place a hand on Hinata’s shoulder.

 

“It’s not what you think..”

 

--

This is what Kageyama does most days.

 

He arrives early in the morning, when there’s barely anyone on the streets and it’s still cold enough to make him wish he were still in bed. Most of the time it’s still dark when he arrives and he stands outside rubbing his hands together and watching his breath fog up in the air. Delivery trucks pass by periodically, disturbing the early morning silence. Usually Oikawa or Iwaizumi will briefly acknowledge him on their way inside the large, wood building. Signs on the side of the building indicate a pet store on the ground floor, an administrative building for some public bath houses in the city, and a soap company. The guy who hands him his daily shipments told him Oikawa runs the soap company. Most likely, Kageyama thinks, to use as a front. Sometimes, if it takes a while to get the shipment checked out, Kageyama can spot Oikawa through the top floor window, settling into his chair, leaning back into the leather.

 

If the day’s shipment takes too long to process, Kageyama will spend half an hour waiting, cursing his life and wishing he was still snuggled in his blankets, Hinata’s body a warm heat by his side.

 

When he finally gets the package, he’s given the address and a name (he thinks most of them are fake) and off he goes. He’s never carried a package for more than a few hours in a day. He arrives at the addresses listed, an exchange occurs (usually with minimal difficulty) and he returns and repeats ad nauseum until his shift is over. Afterwards, he rushes to the school gym to start practice, brushing off Hinata’s inquisitive glances when he walks inside.

 

The coach set him aside once during evening practice to point out that he seems more tired than usual. As the star player, he’d said, he needs to take better care of himself. Kageyama just nodded dutifully, bowed, and walked home with Hinata.

 

When they arrive at the apartment, he kicks off his shoes, throws his bag by the door and wraps himself around Hinata wherever he happens to settle at the moment (curled up on the couch, in the kitchen, attempting to start homework, etc). Then they watch any volleyball matches that are on, sometimes a TV show if there aren’t any matches. Finally they end the day curled up in bed. And Kageyama doesn’t think about his sorta job, and sleeps.

 

--

 

This is how the last job starts.

 

Kageyama drops the groceries on the counter and fetches his phone, the shrill ringtone unignorable (it was a weird song that Hinata loaded onto his phone and that he hasn’t had the time to change).

 

“Hello, Kageyama Tobio speaking.”

 

“Mmm, Tobio-chan your greeting is soo bland!”

 

“What do you want,” Kageyama demanded. Oikawa almost never calls him. He’s thankful for that; usually conversations with Oikawa give him a headache.

 

“You should listen to your elders, Tobio! I’m wise and full of useful information that is ready to be taken advantage of by adorable, useless undercla--”

 

“If you’re so full of wisdom, you could have helped me a few days ago…” Kageyama quickly muttered, then almost banged his head against the cabinet in front of him when he realized what he had said. That argument was a few days old now and dissolved just as abruptly as it started. After, weakly, reassuring Hinata that the job was safe, he managed to call a temporary truce and they haven’t spoken directly about it since. Kageyama’s been intent to deflect any arguments since then that encroaches anywhere near his job, despite Hinata’s indignant glares digging into his back. As for Nishinoya and Tanaka, they only noticed them missing as they started heading back home.They haven’t run into either boy since.

 

“Oh??” Oikawa immediately retorted, sickly sweet. “Trouble in paradise? Tobio’s got the missus angry? Tobio’s sleeping on the couch and--”

 

“There is no missus; why are you calling?” Kageyama said, raising his voice over Oikawa’s.

 

“Boo, you’re no fun.” Kageyama waited, not willing to feed Oikawa’s teasing.

 

“Anyways, I was wondering if you could do a super important shipment for me today,” Oikawa drawled.

 

“It’s not my shift.”

 

“I’ll pay you extra” Oikawa sing-songed back.

 

“... Tch, fine. But only this time.” Maybe he can treat Hinata with barbeque and get back into his good graces a little.

 

“Perfect! I knew I could count on you-- wait don’t hang up yet!” Kageyama paused, finger near the “end call” button.

 

“What?”

 

“This shipment is special for a reason. Under no circumstances are you to enter the building, ok? Just deliver the package and that’s it.”

 

“Are you involving me in your weird shit? You know that was my only condition.”

 

“That’s why I’m giving you specific instructions, stupid. As your mentor--”

 

“Not my mentor”

 

“As your mentor,” Oikawa trudged on, “I’m just looking out for you. Plus you’re getting extra pay; everyone wins.”

 

Kageyama sighed, frustrated. But he really couldn’t say no to some extra cash.

 

“Fine, but if someone knifes me, I’m sending you my hospital bills if I survive.”

 

“I knew I could count on you!”

 

After Kageyama hung up, he put the groceries away and headed back out. Hinata would be coming home soon (he’d gone out drinking with some of his friends) so Kageyama hoped to make this transaction quick.

 

He hopped on his bicycle and made the fifteen minute journey to Oikawa’s building. Most of the offices were closed, though the light in Oikawa’s office was still on. He waited outside, shoving his hands in his sweater pockets to keep them warm. A few moments later he felt his phone vibrate next to his hand.

 

Kageyama grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open, a single text from Oikawa: Upstairs <3

 

Ugh, Kageyama shoved his phone back into his pocket and headed inside, slightly unnerved. He’d never been up to Oikawa’s office before. He was starting think this run may be out of his depth…

 

Oikawa’s office was on the third floor, and the only one with wide, double oak doors. A string of plain, wooden doors littered both sides of the hallway and the hall was lined with plain, dark tile, making his steps echo. Kageyama knocked on the door, stepping back and straightening his posture to steel himself against whatever antics Oikawa might throw his way.

 

“To~bio-chan!” Oikawa greeted from his desk. Iwaizumi stood on one side of the doorway, propping the door open for him. He gestured for him to get inside.

 

Oikawa sat back in his chair, looking much like an indolent cat, or possibly a panther. His hair was still somehow shiny and perfectly coiffed after no-doubt a long work day. Kageyama doesn’t know how he does out. Maybe he’s not a real person, like a robot or a demon--

 

“This,” Oikawa placed a large, brown parcel on the desk, disrupting Kageyama’s train of thought “is what you’ll be transporting today.” There was no writing or anything distinct about the package. It had an inconspicuous air about it; something a passerby might glance at and ignore a moment later. Definitely, Kageyama affirmed, way over my head.

 

“The address is here” Oikawa proffered a simple, white notecard, placing it above the parcel. “And that should be it.”

 

As Kageyama grabbed the parcel to pick it up, Oikawa suddenly pulled it back toward himself, that large, ambiguous smile still on his face. He looked a bit like a shark, Kageyama thought suddenly, sweating a little.

 

“Actually, a little change in plans. Iwa-chan and I will be accompanying you!” Oikawa declared. Kageyama furrowed his brows, glancing back at Iwaizumi to see if he knew anything about this. The other man’s face was annoyingly stoic though, just staring back at the two of them with no hint of surprise.

 

“Whatever, let’s just get this done.”

--

 

This is when Hinata actually finds out.

 

Contrary to what everyone says (his team, his friends, Kageyama, his family, etc) Hinata doesn’t always do things on the fly. He can wait. He can observe. It’s just so boring sometimes and requires his whole attention, which is why he often doesn’t do it. But it isn’t entirely impossible either.

 

Like now. If everyone could see him now, Hinata reflects, they’d be like ‘Wow Hinata, we were so wrong about you!’ or ‘Hinata, my snide remarks were completely baseless, you are way smarter than me, more observant than me and I’m just trash with glasses on.’ Yeah, that’s how it would go. It’s been about an hour now that he’s been tailing that no good, lying Kageyama and the idiot still hasn’t spotted him. He even gave him a believable alias for once, without stuttering too much when he told him too! Granted, when Oikawa and Iwaizumi left with Kageyama, Hinata was in a bit of a pickle. He was worried they were going to drive there, but luckily the destination didn’t seem to be too far away. Keeping to alleyways and behind tall pedestrians, Hinata managed to trail them all the way to a large, cream-colored building. A large observation deck jutted out from the building’s facade with rows of semi-opened windows. The sign above the entrance simple read “Oiwa House”. The building was nestled between a large supermarket and some kind of administrative building.

 

Hinata watched from an alleyway across the street, his sunglasses on and a hoodie pulled over one of Kageyama’s old baseball caps. A couple waiting for the bus nearby kept giving him suspicious looks, so he tried to affect more of a nonchalant look, leaning back against the building and looking away. When he glanced back, they were still eyeing him, so he tried ignoring them hoping they’d do the same eventually. He really didn’t want his cover blown after following Kageyama all the way here, without detection. His plan was going to succeed, dammit, he was clo--

 

“Um… Hinata what are you doing?” Hinata startled, almost jumping a foot in the air in surprise. He twisted around, finding Nishinoya standing there, a grocery bag around one hand.

 

“N-Nishinoya-san! Ah, I mean,” he tried deepening his voice, “who is this Hinata?”

 

He tried to turn away from him, but Nishinoya didn’t seem fazed by it, instead smiling brightly and smacking Hinata’s back, jostling his sunglasses off.

 

“I know it’s you Hinata! Isn’t it kind of too dark to be wearing sunglasses outside? What are you doing?” Nishinoya asked loudly. Hinata almost cried in despair. This was one of the times where he did NOT appreciate Nishinoya’s naturally loud voice. He tried shushing the older boy, desperate.

 

“Please Nishinoya-san, you’re blowing my cover,” Hinata whined. He glanced back to the building and unintentionally squeaked in surprise to find the three of them staring straight at Nishinoya and him. Kageyama’s face looked especially murderous.

 

“I think we have some unexpected guests. Shorty, other shorty come on over!” Oikawa’s loud voice carried across the street. Hinata hung his head in defeat and started walking over, Nishinoya following in curiosity.

 

“Oi, what are you guys doing anyways? Isn’t this some kind of onsen?” Nishinoya announced from behind him once they crossed the street. Hinata and Kageyama, who looked like they were about to get into a domestic, swivelled their heads toward Nishinoya, their eyes wide.

 

“Onsen?” They said.

 

“Wow, they said that in perfect unison. Bravo,” Oikawa commented from beside Iwaizumi.

 

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Iwaizumi sighed, uncrossing his arms and instead shoving them into his pants pockets. “Figures though, having Kageyama as an errand boy and all.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t account for this,” Oikawa said, waving a finger between Kageyama and Hinata, who both blushed profusely. “It was going well though for a while, you have to admit.”

 

“What is going on? What went well?” Kageyama asked, frustrated and tired of his ex-upperclassmen’s ramblings.

 

“Really, what are all of you guys doing at an onsen, anyways? Actually, I don’t want to know,” Nishinoya added, moving his grocery bag to his other hand. “Call me when you guys decided to focus on volleyball again!” With a hasty salute, the group watched Nishinoya make his escape, rushing past the supermarket.

 

“Why are you selling drugs at an onsen?” Hinata exclaimed, returning back to the conversation and direct as always. Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked dumbfounded.

 

“Drugs?” They glanced at each other, then back. “Why would you think we sell drugs?”

 

A beat of silence.

 

“Um- because you said so when you gave me the job?” Kageyama shot back. He had said so, right? He was pretty sure he had said so!

 

“Oh my god,” Oikawa doubled over, racked with laughter. “You really are an idiot! Who knew such a serious face hid such an utter lack of intellect.”

 

Kageyama stood fuming, waiting for Oikawa to control himself to explain this situation clearly, with maybe some charts.

 

“It’s your own fault, really.” Kageyama only stared back quizzically and Oikawa sighed, continuing “I tried explaining the business to you, but you told me you didn’t want to get too involved.”

 

“Because I thought you were a drug dealer!”

 

“I sell soap, Kageyama!” Oikawa revealed.

 

“Soap? How can you get a third floor office selling soap? Drugs sounds much more reasonable,” Kageyama retorted, wiping the self-satisfied smirk off Oikawa’s face.

 

“It’s called good business savvy. Plus with Iwaizumi’s mathematical magic, and my charisma, we make pretty good bank. Also, we have a side-business too!” Oikawa watched the two guys’ increasingly confused expressions.

 

“Onsen!” he exclaimed exasperatedly. “Or well, they’re really more like sento I guess, but we paid pretty good money to fill two of the pools with actual hot spring water. You see, we establish these onsen, wherein our customers can discretely relax and enjoy whatever pleasures they desire with whomever they desire. And we also create a line of luxurious soaps to sell and use in these onsen, and which our customers also buy, to recreate that “atmosphere of freedom, relaxation and pleasure at their convenience.” We have some executive, discreet clientele as well.”

 

“I thought the idea was crazy at first, but it’s been going well so far. So if you still want the job, we can get you involved in the main bath house, and maybe up your pay a little too,” Iwaizumi added

 

Kageyama opened his mouth to ask more questions but Hinata’s voice next to him stopped him.

 

“So you sell… soap?” Hinata asked, staring at Kageyama until he smiled wide, replacing the uncommon contemplative look on his face. “I’m glad!”

 

“You.. are?” Kageyama hedged uncertainly.

 

“Well yeah! You might not go to jail over soap!” Kageyama held the parcel in his hands. It was heavy… with soap. He really was an idiot… But he could still have his job and Hinata wouldn’t be mad at him. He could play volleyball without having a job that might interfere. Despite the early morning runs, he had a pretty good thing going. He slept in class anyways, so it’s not like he didn’t make up his sleep hours.

 

“So now that we've all confirmed that there are no drugs involved, at all, can we finish this up?” Iwaizumi declared, looking down at his watch. He wanted to get out of the cold already.

"Okay, okay. Now, Kageyama, it's time to introduce you to the second part of your job," Oikawa declared, leading Kageyama and Hinata through the bath house doors. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life!"

--

 

Epilogue

 

Kageyama lasts for almost week when he abruptly, and mysteriously, quits. Coincidentally, the night before, a fire had reportedly broken out at one of Oikawa’s nearby onsen, with two men reportedly seen escaping before local authorities arrived on scene. One of the suspects was described as short, ‘having orange hair’ and 'wearing only a white towel'. Oikawa and Iwaizumi eventually restore that bath house and none of the parties involved have mentioned the incident since.

 

Kageyama and Hinata eventually eat out with Tanaka and Nishinoya. Nishinoya brings up the subject of the mysterious onsen fire a few weeks ago and ‘hey, wasn’t that the same onsen you guys went to with that Seijou setter?” Based on Kageyama and Hinata’s similar looks of horror, Nishinoya’s hit the nail on the head. However, no amount of cajoling gets them to divulge the details of that night, other than that they’re both banned from entering any onsen in the prefecture, indefinitely. Eventually they drop the matter.

 

Kageyama still gets paid for that last job and spends most of it on all-you-can eat barbeque with Hinata. Hinata ends up getting drunk off a cup of sake and the night ends with a failed hand job and Hinata sleeping on the floor.

 

Kageyama eventually gets a job helping Coach Ukai teach volleyball to little kids that aren’t afraid of his face.

 

And Oikawa and Iwaizumi live happily ever after, in a giant mansion with a fantastic view, featuring a state of the art volleyball court and bathrooms that are always stocked with luxurious soaps.

 

The End

Notes:

I've been working on this one for a while and I'm just going to leave it here. Hopefully you enjoyed this 10+ pages of pure crack, just not the actual drug. Stay in school kids and don’t be like Kageyama, be better than Kageyama, don't make assumptions about people either. Mostly, I am unashamedly reveling in the idea of Oikawa possibly running a successful business, or even creating his own empire if he didn't continue volleyball. He could have been doing anything, but I had him sell soap and bath house fantasies.

In case there’s any confusion during the part where Oikawa is explaining his business: Generally, a sento is just a public bath house with heated tap water while onsen are baths filled with hot spring water (geothermally heated). Like Oikawa mentioned here, he technically owns a string of sento, but if they include onsen, will usually mention it somewhere. While there are probably some outdoor onsen in miyagi, public bath houses are more common in the city, where Oikawa is directing his business. Oikawa’s bath house is based off of the Yakushiyu public bath in Yunotsu. I was debating whether to just use the term bath house instead, but onsen and sento are distinct from one another so, I kept it as is.

Also, Oikawa hints that illicit activities are probably occurring in his bath houses, but actual bath houses in Japan have strict etiquette. There are, however, bath houses that allow/ provide those special kind of services, though mostly in Tokyo.

If I made any mistakes, or there’s some confusion, feel free to correct/ inform me!

Also, you can take the Coach Ukai to be either one, both would have reasons to hire or not hire Kageyama; they’re both probable and improbable candidates.