Work Text:
“This should be easy!” Kagami said as he hauled the box full of their new IKEA couch out of the car and into their apartment. Kuroko handed Kagami a box cutter, and he sliced down the tape seam, pulling the box open and lifting out the individual pieces.
“Okay, so the instructions seem pretty straightforward. You want to get started while I start dinner?” Kagami grinned and handed Kuroko the bag of nuts and bolts.
“Are you sure about that? You know you read English better than I do,” Kuroko said.
“Lucky for us, they’re just pictures. How hard can it be?”
Half an hour later, dinner was ready, and Kuroko was staring at the instructions and the pile of couch pieces in front of him.
“Food’s getting cold!” Kagami said, walking into the living room to see the jumble that didn’t even remotely resemble a couch. “Whoa, you doing okay there?”
“Get over here and help me, Taiga-kun,” Kuroko said. “Besides, you should be the one building it. It’s your fault we need a new couch anyway.”
Kagami turned bright red. “Fine, I’ll help. But only because you’re cute.” Kagami picked up the instructions and cocked his head at them.
“Taiga-kun… You’re holding them sideways.”
“I knew that!” Kagami said. “Okay so I just need the leggy bit and then the side there of the base…. And I think this hole is for this screw?”
Time passed. Kuroko handed Kagami pieces. And what they assembled did not so much resemble a couch as an art installation.
“That’s it,” Kuroko said. “We need help. Start unscrewing things.”
Destroying the “couch” was easier than building it in the first place. Kagami and Kuroko made short work of unscrewing everything.
“Okay now sort it into piles of things that look the same.” Kuroko said. Once they had it organized, Kuroko stepped back and took a picture of the pile. He also took a picture of the instructions.
“What are you doing?” Kagami asked.
“Calling in reinforcements,” Kuroko said cryptically.
Kagami’s phone vibrated in his pocket.
We have been vanquished by furniture assembly, his text to the Vorpal Swords group chat read. Please offer any assistance you may have.
Kuroko cracked his knuckles, sat back, and watched the chaos unfold.
Aomine: Lol they may be good on the court but they got beat by a couch.
Momoi: Play nice. Unless you intend to help.
Midorima: I’m pretty sure the things in the top left pile are the legs.
Kise: Because they don’t know what couch legs are. Very helpful.
Midorima: I don’t see you being any help either.
Murasakibara: Why am I still in this chat? I’m not interested in your furniture emergencies.
Kise: Because you secretly love us, Murasakibaracchi!!!
Murasakibara: :-(
Kise: :3c
Akashi: Do any of you intend to offer actual help, or are you all going to sit here making fun of them for not being able to read hieroglyphics?
Aomine: I was hoping to sit here making fun of them.
Murasakibara: I was going to ignore them till they went away, actually.
Midorima: I don’t understand why they don’t just print out the instructions in words.
Kagami: It’s a Swedish company.
Akashi: I speak a bit of Swedish.
Aomine: Of course you do.
Akashi: From what I can figure out, you start by assembling the frame. That’s the six largest pieces, on the middle left, assembled into two connected rectangles.
“Don’t just stand there,” Kuroko said. “Start building!”
Kagami screwed the pieces into two large rectangles. Okay, so he could kind of see how they looked like a couch. There was a chance he had it upside down the first time.
Kuroko: Got it!
He attached a picture of Kagami finishing up attaching the last slat.
Kise: Looking good, Kagamicchi! ;) Kurokocchi I’m jealous!
Midorima: That makes one of us.
Aomine: lol burn
Akashi: Now you screw in the slats, one by one. Those are the long, thin pieces. They go on the inside of the angle.
He sent an image of the couch in progress with lines where the slats should go.
Kagami : Got it, next?
Akashi: Now you want to take the side pieces--the ones with the upholstery on them, somewhat club shaped--and attach them to either side of the base with the longest screws. The base is the one with the holes for screws on the side.
Aomine: Now’s your chance, Tetsu. Hit him with the side piece.
Kuroko: I will not. For one thing, I love him. For another, he’s already screwed them on.
Aomine: Damn.
Akashi: You’re going to want to flip up the base and screw each leg in with the screws already built into the top. The legs are in the top left pile.
Midorima: I told you those were the legs!
Kise: Good job, Midorimacchi. You can identify legs.
Akashi: Now just put on the cushions and you should be done.
Kuroko put cushions on the frame of the sofa and grinned, holding out his hand for a fist bump. Kagami fist bumped him and grinned back at him.
Kagami: Thanks, Captain. :)
Kuroko: Thank you, Akashi-kun.
Kuroko climbed onto the sofa and bounced up and down a bit, testing it.
“I think we have a sofa!” He grinned. “Good job, Taiga.”
Kagami blushed and shrugged. “It was all Akashi, really.”
“You did the hard part. It’s pretty comfy, too.”
Kuroko stretched out on the couch like a cat, and Kagami snapped a picture to send to the group chat.
Kagami: Houston, we have a sofa!
Aomine: Please stop making references I don’t understand.
Kagami: So you don’t want me to make any references to anything ever. Got it.
Momoi: How cute!!! Tetsu-kun looks so comfy!!! <3 <3
Kuroko: DELETE THAT IMAGE, TAIGA!!!
Kagami grinned and went to join his husband on their new couch.