Chapter Text
Elizabeth felt…nothing.
Raymond hadn’t contacted her since she had admitted she was the one who turned him in. Not a single word. She would rather face his rage; anything would be better than him ignoring her. She loved him, and now she truly realized the extent to which she did. But it was most likely too late. He hated her, she had no doubt about that. Maybe she would never see him again. For all she knew, he had excommunicated her. Hopefully he had forgiven Dembe. He’d done nothing wrong, after all.
And now she was left alone. Now she had no connections to her past; to her mother. Everyone was gone and it was her fault. She was to blame. When she'd told Reddington what she had done, she'd hated herself more than ever before after seeing the depth of his pain. His eyes were so sad, so betrayed, that she wished he would have just killed her then and there. In fact, she wished he would come back and simply end it. It would take the pain away and then everyone could return to how their lives were before she came into them. Agnes could grow up safely with Red watching over her.
Sighing, she opened the door to her apartment, tossing her keys and wallet into the bowl on the table near the door. She needed a drink. At least it would numb some of the pain.
As she walked to the kitchen, a strange feeling came over her. Something was off; someone was watching her. Turning to face the living room, she saw Red sitting in her chair, legs crossed and fedora sitting atop the gun he’d placed on the side table.
“Red…” she breathed, tears welling in her eyes instantly. “W-what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been thinking about what to do.” He began, voice cold and emotionless. “You see, I live by a strict code. I depend on being able to trust those around me. I depend on their loyalty. And when those two things are broken, when someone betrays me, they never survive long. Until now. And so I’m thinking about how to deal with you.”
Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath, her gaze flicking to the gun. Perhaps her wish would come true after all. “So you’re contemplating whether or not to kill me, too?”
His gaze quickly connected with hers, and he opened his mouth to respond, but not before she cut him off.
“Don’t, Red. I can help you make your decision.” She walked towards him, stopping a few feet shy of the chair. “Shoot me. I understand why you have to. I betrayed you and I can never forgive myself, so how could I ever expect you to? I know that you hate me. I know that you despise everything about me. I-“ her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath to regain control of her emotions. “I just want you to know that I am truly, truly sorry and that if there was anything I could do to make it up to you, I’d do it in a heartbeat. And I need you to know that I love you. In every sense of the word, I love you. And I want you to promise me one thing, which I know is asking too much, but I want you to promise that Agnes will be safe. If you don’t want to be a part of her life, that’s fine, but I need to know my little girl will be okay when I’m gone.”
Tears were now running freely down her cheeks, her bottom lip shaking uncontrollably. “Just do it, Red. Get it over with.” She closed her eyes, waiting for the sound of the gun and the impact of the bullet in her chest. But it never came.
Instead, she heard the rustling of fabric and then two hands harshly grabbing her shoulders, pushing her up against the wall.
“Look at me,” came Raymond’s voice, harsh and cold with fury. “Goddamnit, Elizabeth, open your eyes and look at me.”
Her eyelids fluttered open, and she almost broke into sobs again when she saw the utter fury in his eyes.
“How could you possibly think that I could kill you?” He asked, his eyes searching hers desperately, almost pleading. “What on earth is going through your mind, Elizabeth? I didn’t know that you thought me that much of a monster. Yes, I am angry with you. You have deceived and betrayed me so many times, yet I have always forgiven you. This time, however, I don’t know if I can do that.”
An anguished whimper escaped Elizabeth. “T-that’s why you have to do it, Red. I can’t live with you hating me. I need you. But I know I’ll never have you again. Not after what I did. I was too blinded by my desire for the truth, which I now realize I wasn’t entitled to. You have every reason to loathe me, and I wouldn’t expect you to feel any differently. You either end this now or I will. I can’t live like this much longer.”
He laughed, though it lacked any mirth. “You will live, Elizabeth, because I will not let anyone hurt you. Not even yourself.”
“You hurt me every day, Red.”
His left cheek twitched, a scowl planted firmly on his face.
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” she quickly reassured. “I deserve the hurt you cause me. But it’s true. Every day that I don’t have your forgiveness is agony. I can’t live without you in my life, but I don’t think that you can live with me in yours. Not anymore. That’s why I want you to do this. You can be happy and so can everyone else whose lives I’ve ruined. Everything can go back to normal. The Task Force can still work if you cooperate, but more importantly, Agnes will be safe and you’ll be rid of me.”
His grip tightened around her shoulders and his jaw clenched as he yelled,”I don’t want to be rid of you!” He’d never raised his voice at her before. Never. “Can’t you see that, Elizabeth? Can you really not see how much I need you? Even if I don’t want it anymore. You’re like a drug and I’m a junkie and I just keep coming back for more no matter how much it hurts me.”
Elizabeth lowered her gaze and began to sob. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered over and over again as tears slid down her cheeks. His grasp on her shoulders loosened and she slid down the wall, burying her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as sobs tore through her. She’d never felt this broken before; not when she’d found out about Tom the first time. Not even when Tom had died. This was a new kind of torture.
She felt a hand brush over her hair and then the warmth of his body as he pulled her into his arms, sitting beside her and cradling her in his embrace. “I need time, Elizabeth,” his voice rasped from above her,”to trust you again. Just give me time.”
She nodded, sniffling and sucking in shaky breaths. “Okay,” she said in a small voice, barely above a whisper. His arms tightened around her and he pressed a feather-light kiss to the top of her head before loosening his embrace.
“I think I should go.”
Elizabeth shook her head, imploring,”No. Please stay, Red. I don’t…” she paused, reconsidering her words. A flat laugh escaped her parted lips. “Actually, I have no right to ask you to stay. If you want to leave, then by all means go.” There was no malice in her tone, no accusation, just the emotionless defeat of a woman who had long since given up.
He sighed, a deep exhale of his pent up emotion. “I’ll stay. But only because it’s so late. I don’t want to wake Dembe and have him drive all the way out here at this hour.” Even to his own ears, it was a pathetic excuse. Every fiber of his being was aching to stay and he no longer had the strength to resist. Just one glance at Elizabeth betrayed how truly sorry she was. There was no doubt in his mind any longer that she knew exactly what she had done and how it had affected him, and he no longer wished to torture the both of them. He needed time to trust her, yes, but he didn’t need to push her away any longer.
With a relieved whimper, Elizabeth threw herself back into his arms, her nose brushing against his neck as she nuzzled into him. “Thank you,” she said shakily.
He nodded, his lips meeting her forehead. “Think nothing of it, Lizzie. I…I’m not going to push you away any longer. I know you’re regretful and I know what you’ve done has hurt you almost as much as it has I. I’ve realized how fickle life can be and I no longer wish to waste any more of mine holding the past against you. What I’m trying to say is…I forgive you.”
His words tore sobs out of her body, her entire frame wracking with the outpour of relief they provided. She was truly overwhelmed, unable to say anything as her emotions crashed down upon her. Red’s arms tightened their hold in response, and he began to gently rock them back and forth. She needed this and he would give her time to get herself sorted out.
Eventually, her sobs weakened to whimpers, and then to nothing. Her face still remained buried in the juncture of his neck and shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice muffled. “I’ve ruined your suit from my crying.”
He snorted. What a ridiculous thing to say. “There’s no need to apologize for that, Lizzie. I have a hundred others.”
She didn’t reply, but moved her head back. “Let’s get off the floor. My knees are starting to hurt.”
Red shifted and gently moved her out of his lap. He stood and offered his hand to her, pleased when she took it and hoisted herself off the floor.
“Can you sleep with me tonight?” She asked, and then quickly clarified. “Just sleeping, obviously. It’s always easier when you’re near and I think after today I need you to be as close as possible.”
He nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Of course I will. And I knew what you meant the first time, Lizzie. There’s no need to justify your intentions to me. We take this at your pace. There’s no rush.”
She laughed then, in utter disbelief. He regarded her quizzically, one eyebrow cocked upward.
“Even now, after everything we’ve just been through, you’re still such a gentleman,” she said in way of explanation. “If anything, it should be you dictating the nature and pace of our relationship. I’ve put you through hell and I’m going to do everything in my power to earn your trust back. I’m not worried about you taking advantage of me anymore. I never should have been.”
He took both her hands in his and replied,”While some of that may be true, I don’t want either of us to have any regrets moving forward.”
She let out a sigh and said,”Raymond, that’s not a good idea. If it were up to me, we’d be doing a lot more than just sleeping tonight. But I’ve only just got you back, so I know you aren’t ready to show me that level of vulnerability yet. That’s why you need to control things for the next little while.” She paused and looked him straight in the eye. “I’m head over heels for you. You have to understand that. Hell, I’d marry you right now if you asked me. I’m ready to give you anything you want, Raymond, but I know that doesn’t go both ways yet.”
He stared at her for a long time, completely silent and unmoving. Elizabeth began to worry that she might have said too much too soon. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear just how deep her devotion to him ran.
“I find myself at a loss for words,” he said slowly, his voice rougher than usual. “What you are…what you are offering me is so much more than I ever imagined. I’m a bit overwhelmed, to say the least.”
A blush crept its way up to Elizabeth’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you so soon. Just pretend the past few minutes never happened.” She smiled, trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t quite sincere.
Red shook his head, quickly amending,”No, no, no. You misunderstand me. I’m not overwhelmed in a bad way. I just always imagined it would be me telling you I’m ready to give you everything, not the other way around.”
His smile was genuine.
Elizabeth let out a breath of relief. Good. She hadn’t scared him off. Not yet, anyway.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Raymond was already in bed wearing his white undershirt and boxers. Elizabeth was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, taking a little longer than she normally would. It was odd knowing a man like Raymond Reddington was waiting for her in bed. It all seemed so domestic, something that Red never had been and probably never would be.
Elizabeth sighed and finished her nightly routine, checking her reflection in the mirror one last time.
Raymond glanced up when he heard the door to the bathroom creak open and smiled as he saw Elizabeth approaching the bed. Even dressed in a simple tank top and shorts she was gorgeous.
“Finally,” he said in a teasing tone. “I thought I was going to have to come check on you.”
She playfully smacked his shoulder. “Shut up, Red. I don’t care who’s here, I have my routine and I’m sticking to it.”
He laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist, dragging her into bed beside him. Elizabeth giggled and turned so she was facing him.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed so casually before. You’re always so buttoned up,” she commented as her gaze raked down his form.
“Well, I hope you didn’t expect me to be sleeping in a three-piece suit. I don’t think that would be comfortable for either of us.”
“Of course not. I’m merely observing.” She turned back around and got comfortable, happy to feel the comforting weight of his arm around her waist. “Now stop talking and go to sleep. I’m tired and I’m sure you have plenty of ‘business meetings’ to attend tomorrow”
He huffed at her tone but didn’t comment. Instead, he closed his eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Elizabeth’s internal clock woke her up at exactly 6 o’clock the next morning. She refused to open her eyes, instead choosing to bask in the warmth and comfort of her bed and the man sleeping behind her.
Wriggling around slightly, she felt something hard pressing against her lower back and heard a moan. His arms tightening around her and he pulled her closer to him, letting out another moan and she once more came into contact with his cock.
Elizabeth bit her bottom lip and contemplated what to do. He wasn’t awake yet. She could tell by his breathing. Maybe she could just slip out of his arms and go make a cup of coffee, but she didn’t want to get up and knowing that Red was aroused fueled her own growing arousal. She decided to just let things play out. If Red woke up and didn’t want to move any further, she would respect his wishes. But if he did…
Elizabeth smiled to herself and pushed her bottom back against his cock, reveling in the delicious friction it created. Another groan sounded from behind her and the hand around her waist moved up to palm one of her breasts.
Soon his hips were rocking in time with hers and she couldn’t bite back the small moan that escaped her parted lips.
“Good morning,” came Red’s deep voice very close to her ear.
She didn’t get a chance to reply, as he began to softly kiss and suck the skin of her neck. His hips continued to move against hers, her arousal growing stronger by the second.
“Ray…” she whimpered when he stopped moving, her hips moving frantically to try and create more friction.
“Do you want something, Lizzie?” He asked her, smirk planted firmly on his face.
Elizabeth huffed in frustration and scowled,”You know what I want. Stop teasing me.” She pushed back against him again to prove her point.
Red let out a laugh behind her and trailed his lips along her neck. “You said I was in control of how fast we take this, Lizzie.”
“I’m well aware,” she snapped back, although it lacked any real bite.
“Perhaps I’ll just tease you all morning. Leave you a begging, writhing mess and have Dembe come pick me up,” he mused, teeth nipping at her ear.
“You wouldn’t dare,” she said in a breathy voice.
Red hummed and grabbed her shoulder, pulling until she was laying on her back. Leaning down so their lips were mere millimeters apart he whispered,”You’re right.”
Smirk growing even wider, he hoisted himself up and away from her, setting his feet on the floor. “I’ll save us both the trouble and leave now. I’ve got an important meeting to go to in…” he glanced down at his watch,”half an hour.”
A whine of frustration sounded from Elizabeth. “You’re not playing fair, Red. You’re just as turned on right now as I am. Don’t you want to take care of that before you go?” She asked, eyeing the obvious bulge in his boxers.
He stood from the bed and walked over to where his discarded clothes sat folded on the dresser. “It’ll go away eventually. Besides, I’ll be back here for dinner tonight. I’m cooking, of course. Perhaps we can continue this then, or perhaps not.”
He really was having fun with this.
To be continued…