Work Text:
i. when they meet on their way home
“Miyaa-chan? Are you at the station yet?”
“Ah… yes, I just arrive.”
“I’ll be in front of the gate, okay?”
“Okay, Sasaki-senpai.”
*
It is one of the moments when they’re walking side by side, with no voice coming from each of them, yet Miyano does not mind it.
It’s summer, but a few minutes before the sun sets, the heat brings a gush of wind, some fresh night air.
It is quiet, peaceful, and he never has to worry what Sasaki might be thinking of him.
His mind drifts off; they have been together for quite some time, and also living together, too. It is his third year in college, and he—
“Miyaa-chan,” calls Sasaki. Miyano looks at him, and finds Sasaki smiling; a small smile curls up at the corner of his lips. But it is not what makes Miyano’s heart beats faster. It is the way Sasaki looks at him; with fondness and warmth, and it is the look Sasaki always has whenever he spots Miyano, or looks at Miyano when he thinks the other does not notice.
(Miyano always notices.)
It has been quite some time, and Miyano can never get used to the way Sasaki looks at him like that.
“... Yes?” He finally mutters a reply, a hand clenching his sling bag. He can feel his face getting warmer.
“Want to hold hands?” Sasaki asks, holding out his hand. “There’s no one around.”
… Really, Miyano will never get used to this. This, the intense look Sasaki always gives him as if he is the only thing matter in the universe. This, the soft smile Sasaki always shows him whenever he watches Miyano rambling about his favorite BL. This, the cheerful yet always on edge voice whenever Sasaki asks Miyano if he can touch him. As if Sasaki is afraid Miyano will refuse, so that Sasaki can brush it off as a joke.
But, it is as if Miyano will ever refuse.
He takes his hand, and squeezes it lightly while staring at it. Sasaki’s hand is quite large; his fingers are long, while his nails are neatly trimmed. It’s cold. Miyano looks up at Sasaki; he is not looking at Miyano. He looks ahead, while his cheeks have a tint of red.
Miyano clenches his other hand. Cute, he thinks.
“Senpai,” he says. “We’ve been… dating for years, how can you still be embarrassed about this?”
“How can you not?” Sasaki asks him, but still avoiding his gaze.
Miyano can only laugh, as he feels Sasaki’s hand gets its warmth back.
ii. when the other is waiting at their home
Miyano glances at his phone. It’s almost midnight, and Sasaki sure is late. Miyano sighs as he scrolls down through his notifications; no new message from him. The last one he sent is to inform Miyano that he’ll be home late, he just didn’t tell him when he’ll be back.
There’s some leftover food, but it has gotten cold, and Miyano is not to be trusted to be near the kitchen. Miyano wonders if this time, he can just try…
The door clicks open, and Sasaki comes in with slumped shoulders. “I’m home,” he mutters as he takes off his shoes.
“Welcome back,” replies Miyano, and Sasaki looks up. His eyes look tired, but he puts on a smile seeing Miyano on the couch with BL manga in his hands. “Got caught up at work?”
“Yeah.” Sasaki walks to him. “You’re not going to sleep? Don’t you have class tomorrow?”
“No, I’m…” Miyano hesitates, at first, but then deciding to tell the truth, “I’m waiting for you…”
Sasaki’s eyes widen, and he sits beside Miyano. “Miyaa-chan, can I lean on your shoulder?”
“Huh? Oh, sure…”
And Sasaki does; his head on Miyano’s shoulder, while his body is in weird, uncomfortable position because technically Miyano is still shorter, smaller than him. Still, Sasaki loves to do this when he’s exhausted from work. He’ll close his eyes for a few minutes, while Miyano will wonder if he’s dozing off or just resting his eyes.
This has happened numerous times, probably a bit more often than he remembers, because Sasaki is always busy. Yet, Miyano still can never get used to the warm weight on his shoulder, the soft strand of Sasaki’s hair stroking his chin and neck, and a certain scent coming from Sasaki. He smells like something sweet and fresh, and Miyano thinks, So he is already home now…
He peers down, and sees Sasaki has already closed his eyes. “Senpai,” Miyano says. “You should get changed first and probably take a bath? Then go to sleep.”
“Hmm.” Sasaki mutters.
“Oh, have you eaten something yet? There’s some leftover food but it has gotten cold…”
“Hmm.”
“There’s cheesecake, too, if you want. I bought it on my way home.”
“Hmm.”
It is useless talking to Sasaki when he’s like this, but Miyano needs something to distract his mind. He runs out of ideas and questions, and is about to tell him the manga he recently bought, when Sasaki says, “I just want to sleep… but the idea of getting changed is just too much…”
“Umm,” Miyano mutters. “I… can… carry you to the bed?” Sasaki huffs out a laugh and trembles slightly. “Senpai, are you laughing at me?”
“No, Miyaa-chan, you’re just,” he tries to stop his laugh, and, “So earnest. I love you.”
Hearing it, Miyano can only cover his face with both of his hands and groans. “Senpai.” He knows Sasaki is looking at him. “It’s so embarrassing.”
Sasaki’s laugh is getting louder. “Fine. But let me stay like this for a few minutes. I’m recharging.”
Miyano can feel his chest getting warm at the sight of Sasaki, peacefully closing his eyes and his head on Miyano’s shoulder, and Sasaki, calling it “recharging”. Sasaki, letting his guard down when he’s around Miyano. Sasaki, being full of smiles and gentleness and kindness and even his friends admit it…
Miyano takes his BL manga and starts to continue where he has left, once again trying to distract his mind from getting embarrassed by his own feelings toward his… boyfriend.
(Once again, he will probably never get used to call Sasaki… his.)
It takes a minute for Miyano to be engrossed in his reading. It is until he is finished with the volume (what a cliffhanger!!), that Sasaki speaks up, “You read many BL about salarymen a lot these days.”
“Huh?” Miyano mumbles, head still in the pairing that lacks of communication but lots of touching and kissing. “I guess…?”
“You can’t wait to work so much?”
Miyano blinks, as Sasaki’s words start to sink in. “Oh! Oh… it’s… not like that…” He mumbles. “I just want to know what kind of world you’re living in right now…”
It’s Sasaki’s turn to groan as he shakes his head. “Really, Miyaa-chan, you… you’re so…” he exhales loud.
Miyano blinks in confusion.
iii. when the other just wakes up
The only time Miyano is allowed to be in the kitchen is when he makes coffee. Miyano has to admit his coffee is not that good, but also not bad either. Sasaki always drinks whatever Miyano makes, anyway.
Miyano turns around, with two cups of coffee in each hand, and walks to Sasaki munching toast he made. He puts one of the cups in front of Sasaki.
Sasaki still looks tired, maybe it’s just Miyano, but the bags under Sasaki’s eyes seem bigger, and darker. He also does not pay any attention to Miyano nor the coffee. He just keeps on eating the toast.
Miyano thinks, He should’ve got some more sleep… It’s Sunday, afterall…
When they started living together, Miyano was surprised to find out that Sasaki is light sleeper. And while Miyano does not move around much in his sleep, but whenever he stirs and opens his eyes, Sasaki will be the one staring at him first.
It also happens that Miyano is a morning person.
Probably sensing that Miyano is staring at him, Sasaki looks at him back, and motions at him with his hand.
“What is it, Senpai?” Miyano asks, standing up and walking to him.
“Can I hug you?”
“Eh?! Uh, sure…” Miyano thinks it is too early for this, but Sasaki looks exhausted and weary to the bones, and Miyano cannot say no to him when he’s not being his usual all-smiles self.
And Sasaki grabs his waist, and rests his head on Miyano’s chest. Miyano is sure Sasaki can hear his heart getting faster and faster, due to the sudden movement. Miyano raises his hand, slowly, to caress Sasaki’s hair.
“Senpai, want to go back to bed?”
“Hmm…” Sasaki mutters. “With Miyaa-chan?”
“Yes, with Miyaa-chan.”
Sasaki hums in agreement, and Miyano smiles, still gently, patting Sasaki’s head.
iv. when they have free time
“Miyaa-chan, Miyaa-chan.”
Miyano takes off his headphones and turns his head to Sasaki, who sits beside him on the couch. “What is it, Senpai?”
“Can I rest my head on your lap?”
Miyano blinks. “Uh, why? Isn’t pillow more comfortable?”
“Maybe? But I want your lap.”
Miyano huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. Unbelievable, but he does not mind when Sasaki is being like this. He moves aside, to give more room for Sasaki to lie down. “Yeah, sure.” He replies, as he puts his headphones back on, continuing to listen to the CD drama.
Sasaki quickly rests his head on Miyano’s lap, and he reads one of Miyano’s BL manga.
Between the scenes he is listening, Miyano finally notices the situation he is currently in; Sasaki’s head resting on his lap, while he is frowning at the manga. Probably because of the characters or the plot, too much smut, but not too much communication than he likes.
Miyano feels content, happy, with the sight and situation. Without thinking, his hand moves to push a strand of Sasaki’s hair that gets in his eyes. Sasaki looks at Miyano, and Miyano smiles, while his hand never leaves Sasaki’s hair.
“Senpai,” Miyano says, while pressing a button to pause the drama. “I’ve been wondering if this… will change, someday.”
“What change?”
“Me and you,” Miyano replies. “It’s been years since we’re dating and… sometimes I feel like we’re still in the, you know, “honeymoon” phase.”
Sasaki considers it. “But we’ve also had some arguments here and there.”
“Yeah, but…” Miyano hesitates. “What if… one day, we don’t feel like this anymore? What if one day we just… stop.”
Sasaki’s fingertips touch Miyano’s cheek, slowly, before he caresses it and makes Miyano look at him. “Miyaa-chan, if that happens, it sucks, but I’ll ask you to not regret it.”
Miyano leans to the touch, as he wraps his hand around Sasaki’s wrist. “I’m sorry for saying it… It’s just… something I’ve been thinking about.”
“For these past years?”
Miyano nods.
“It’s fine. It’s good if you have some uncertainty and doubts because that means… you’re really, really thinking this through and thorough.” Sasaki smiles. “I’m happy.”
Miyano looks, really looks at Sasaki, at the way he smiles all the way to his eyes and it’s that look again. And Miyano thinks it is unfair; because what did he do to deserve this? What did he do to make Sasaki really, truly loves him? And… what did he even do to also return the love, wholeheartedly, in a way Sasaki also loves him?
Sasaki is also looking back at him, still smiling, while his eyes are watching him intensely.
Miyano looks away, letting go of his hand. Sasaki sits up, his other hand moves to cup Miyano’s face.
“Miyaa-chan, I…”
v. when they are each other’s home
Sasaki stops, looks at Miyano, at his eyes, and… down. Miyano’s eyes widen. They certainly have done more than just kissing, they have been laid bare, Sasaki has seen him all. And yet. Yet they are still acting like they were still in high school; too embarrassed to ask for a kiss.
Perhaps, Miyano thinks, perhaps because this is all new to both of them. They are each other’s firsts and every day they find another new thing to learn about each other. It’s been years and they are not running out of things to discover…
Like today, Miyano finds the furrow between Sasaki’s eyebrows do not disappear. He raises a hand to touch it, to try to smooth it out.
Sasaki huffs out a laugh, and Miyano joins him.
Then, “Miyaa-chan, can I kiss you?”
Miyano nods.
If there is one thing Miyano can get used to, it is that the way they kiss is like their first. Lots of hesitating and unsure, as they do it slow, almost as if they are tasting each other’s lips, memorizing how it feels against theirs. Miyano opens his eyes, and finds Sasaki smiling. Miyano smiles at him back, as he pulls him, again, and again.
When they, finally, pull back, breathless, Sasaki presses his lips on the mole right under Miyano’s eye. Miyano holds him tighter, and Sasaki laughs.
Miyano thinks, I’m happy I think this through and thorough.
(vi. when they go on a separate way… for a while)
Miyano is… so cute.
Sasaki knows Miyano does not like to be called cute, but Sasaki keeps on telling himself that his boyfriend, is indeed cute. The cutest. The cutest thing that even loves him equally wholeheartedly. Really, the cutest.
(If Hirano hears this, he will probably get smacked in the head for thinking about Miyaa-chan too much.)
But, really, Miyano is just so cute, especially when he does not get enough sleep. (Because of reading BL, what else.)
Sure, Miyano is a morning person, but he sure can’t hide the fact that he is tired and just wants to go back to sleep, when he tries to close his eyes and doze off for a good minute or two. It makes Sasaki want to take him to bed and have a nice nap with him.
(No, he can’t do that. Fuck work.)
“Are you sure you’re going to be fine, Miyaa-chan?” Sasaki asks when he locks the door to their place. “What if you fall asleep in class?”
“Well if that happens Kuresawa can wake me up.” Miyano yawns, and Sasaki has to hold himself back from messing up his hair. They’re not high school students anymore, Sasaki has to remind himself.
The walk to the station is quiet, not full of bustling students or neighbors and Sasaki finds it refreshing. He hums a song that’s been on his mind lately, when he feels a hand holding his.
He looks down, and finds Miyano walking—haltingly—beside him, eyes closed. Sasaki smiles. “Miyaa-chan, you’ll fall.”
Miyano whines. “That’s why I’m holding your hand.”
Sasaki laughs, “Fine, fine.”
Sasaki realizes when it comes to Miyano, he wants to make him feel comfortable, and… safe. He probably asks too many questions on what he likes and what he does not like, what he is letting Sasaki do and what he is not letting him do. He learns something new about Miyano each day, yet he keeps asking, even when he knows the answer, even when he knows Miyano will not probably refuse him, yet he is still asking.
Maybe, there will come a day when Miyano refuses, or says no, and when that happens, Sasaki will not regret this.
But for now, he squeezes Miyano’s hand, gently, not too hard, not too loose.