Chapter Text
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for, oh lord
Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for
XXX
High school Championship-- Junior Year
The stadium lights are burning bright illuminating this battlefield, where two teams are going head to head. Blood, sweat, and tears have been shed on this soccer stadium, but it all comes down to this. Tobin is the last one to take her penalty kick, with the score tied at 4-4. She knows she needs to make this just this one shot and victory is theirs.
She hears the crowd cheering, it brings such great pride to her knowing her family and friends are out there cheering. She feels right at home when she's on a soccer field like this is what she's meant to be doing. Forever. Right now, she brings her focus back to the task at hand. She kisses the soccer ball before she lays it down on the ground making sure it’s set just right for her kick.
She takes a deep breath feeling that jolt of electricity, now the world around her has stopped moving. It is her, the ball, and the goalkeeper that must be beat.
Tobin takes a couple steps back keeping her eye on the prize, she is so close she can taste victory.
The whistle blows
XXX
*Ding*
“Please fasten your seatbelt we are about to land at the San Francisco International Airport”
Tobin is startled from her memories and brought back when she hears the flight attendant speaking over the speaker system. She is starting her first day of college tomorrow at Stanford. The decision of moving from the east coast to the west coast seemed like a no brainer. After everything that had transpired her last two years of high school. She needed to get away from everything that seemed familiar, well almost everything deciding to join her two best friends Alex Morgan and Kelley O’Hara on their pursuit to soccer greatness.
As she makes her way out of the plane and to baggage claim just going with the motions. Tobin wonders if she made the right decision, nonetheless she is very grateful that Stanford let her accept her academic scholarship a week after the deadline, but she doesn't have enough time to ponder on it as she sees her luggage coming. Once she has her two suitcases and backpack she heads out of the airport. She releases a deep breath she didn't realize she was holding.
It’s so sunny here on a September afternoon. Laughing at herself, thinking “duh Tobin of course its sunny! it’s freakin’ California.” Tobin takes her snapback that she had on backwards and turns it around needed to block the sun from her eyes. She makes her way over to the taxis.
Once she sitting in the backseat she decides to text her two best friends. Tobin has missed them so much, it’s been a month since she has seen them last. They had to arrive before her for soccer practice and bonding. She was really glad that somehow Alex and Kelley were able to make it so that Tobin could stay with them in the same suite without being a soccer player herself.
*This Ish is Bananas Chat*
Tobin: Hey guys! I am on my way to the suite, I can’t wait to see your faces.
Alex: Finally! I miss your face! I can only handle Kelley so much. I need my Tobin fix.
Kelley: What the hell Alex? I'm amazing, ill have you know! We can’t wait to see you Toby!
Tobin: Please, don’t call me that. How many times do I need to tell you! I should be there in about half an hour.
Alex: Sweet! See you at the suite! We do have an open practice later in the day but we can hangout till then.
Kelley: Can’t wait to see you MY best friend ;)
Alex: PLEEAASEE! BIGGEST LIE IN AMERICA! TOBIN I LOVE YOU MORE!
With a smirk on her face Tobin locks her phone resting her head on the window she looks out at the different scenery New Jersey and California are like polar opposites and she welcomes the change. The fact that winter is non existing in Cali is a plus for her. She looks down at her phone contemplating texting her dad to let him know she made it but he is probably busy on his business trip. He had offered to fly with her and help her set up her room, and do all the things parents are supposed to when they help their kids move into college, but she declined not because she doesn’t love him or because he is a bad father but after her mom died she just can’t look at him in the eyes anymore. She decides to shoot her sister Perry a quick text to let her know that she made it safely knowing she will pass the message along to her father.
XXX
As she quietly unlocks the door she notices a living room to her left, she sees soccer gear all over place knowing very well her friends can be an organized chaos like her, and to the right is the kitchen full of take out containers and empty pizza boxes. Okay maybe not, they are way more chaotic than she is.
“Shit, I leave you guys alone for a month and you guys decide to go crazy” Tobin yells across the suite.
Alex and Kelley come running out of their rooms battling it out in the small hallway to see who will get to her first. Alex tries to sneak out under Kelley’s arm but Kelley grabs her head shoving her backwards so that she is free to run to Tobin. Kelley jumps on her kissing her head.
“I have missed you so much, how dare you leave me alone with her, that monster” pointing a finger at Alex who is still trying to get herself together after Kelley shoved her.
“How dare she leave you alone with me? No, how dare she leave me alone with you!? You could go to jail for that" The blue eyed girl says
Alex finally runs towards the girls and they hug for what feels like forever not that she's complaining she has missed them so much.
“I really missed you both but I really need you guys to let me go so I can get my room in order before tomorrow”
They both release her with a groan. Tobin makes her way to her room and starts unpacking her things. Tomorrow is a big day for all them and she needs to be sort of prepared. Let's face it she knows she's a lost cause but regardless Tobin will try.
she notices Alex standing at the doorway smiling at her.
“What?”
“I am just so freakin’ happy you are here, you know? After everything that happened, I wasn’t sure I would see you at college moving on from it all.”
Tobin looks down at her suitcase as she continues to unpack her clothing not wanting to make eye contact with her. Alex notices and goes to sit down on her bed with Tobin still refusing to look at her. She puts her hand over hers to get her to stop. Giving in Tobin makes eye contact immediately regretting her decision already with the knowledge of where this is going.
“I am very proud of you Tobin, you are the bravest person I know, but I also know that after everything that happened with your mom and then quitting soccer, I know it couldn’t have —“
At that exact moment Kelley decides to walk into the room and Tobin has never been more relieved in her life to see the hyper girl. She knows what Alex is trying to do but she came here to Stanford to forget and start new. She doesn’t want to talk to Alex or anyone about it.
“It’s time for practice, Alex!” Kelley yells at the top of her lungs with her fist in the air proceeding to dance around her room since she’s super pumped, she loves soccer so much. Tobin knows she will never love soccer like that again. Everything used to be so colorful with it, but now that she lost it, all the color faded. She only sees in black and white like a soccer ball, oh the irony. Her days of playing are long over.
*beep* *beep*
“OH MY GOD! Sonnett just texted me” Kelley says really excited jumping up and down.
“What is that like the third girl you got your eye on?”
Tobin looks at them both smirking some things just never change, especially with these two and their banter.
“Okay, well since you aren't ready I am leaving you behind I can't keep the girl waiting”
Alex just shrugs not really caring that a super excited Kelley is leaving. She needs to finish this conversation that she started.
Alex looks over at her pondering if she should say what she is thinking. She decides to just go for it and rip the bandaid.
“I know it’s been two years since you decided to give up on soccer but somehow it still feels like your holding on it anyway you can. You are here with us right now knowing we are here to play the sport you no longer love. Don’t get me wrong I love having you here but I don’t want you to start hurting again.”
Tobin get emotional but does everything possible to not show it on her face. She knows she clings on to it, but how can she not? All she had ever known is a soccer life. Her mother started coaching her since she was very little, raising her to be a world class soccer player but right when she was the brink of making it big, being one of the youngest players on the senior national team her mother died. As soon as the thoughts come flooding in to her she pushes them right out.
“I am here at Stanford to meet new people and try new things. Can we….can we please talk about something else? For starters, tell me about Kelley and this new girl Sonnett, are they dating?”
Alex not wanting to push her luck anymore at least not today tells her “I wouldn’t say they are dating but there is a little something going on there. Every time she talks about her she gets this sparkle in her eye. Ashlyn told me that when you fall for someone you get that sparkle and everything starts to make sense. The world is bright and new and full of amazing colors.”
“I don’t think I would ever give someone that type of passion” Tobin says honestly.
“Stop that!” Alex yells, “You are 18 years old, you have so much life to live. Your eyes will sparkle one day.”
“I don’t know my eyes are dark, I don’t think they would give out that affect even I wanted them too.” says Tobin putting her hands in her pockets showing how this is a conversation she doesn’t want to have either. Love is such a foregin concept to her.
“Don’t be a smart ass with me! This is college the time of our lives starts here! No worries I know you will get there at your own pace. Well I gotta run Toby, ill see you when we get back” Alex gets up and walks out the door, stopping and looking at Tobin “Unless you would like to come watch?”
“No, Thank you.” Is all Tobin manages to say without even looking at her blue eyed friend.
“No worries” is the last thing Alex says before she leaves her to her thoughts.
XXX
As soon as Alex leaves Tobin decides to take a walk around campus, since a claustrophobic feeling is creeping in the room after that conversation with Alex. Not having a set plan just deciding to explore and go where her feet take her. She walks past the main quad and headed to the Stanford Oval looking at the palm trees something she definitely doesn’t have in Jersey. Tobin just takes everything in so happy that she made it to the university of her dreams.
She passes Bing Concert Hall amazed at the architecture of the building. It kind of reminds of the Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranger headquarters.The thought alone makes her smile thinking of the times Kelley, Alex and her would play characters of the made up TV series. She always wanted to be the green ranger, She knows he is evil but his costume was the coolest to her back in the day and you can’t forget that megazord.
As Tobin makes way over to the park area she notices a girl no older than her practicing her PK’s. Even when she’s not looking for it soccer follows her. She has a goal line made up two trees that aren’t exactly across from each other. The girl has beautiful curly black hair and cinnamon kissed skin, she’s laughing having the best time in the world. Tobin can’t help but wonder what she is laughing at since the girl is by herself suddenly the curly haired girl notices her. Tobin doesnt know what to do she has just been standing there like a fucking creep.
“Are you watching me?”
Tobin blinks, that’s all she can manage to do.
“Hello” the girl says waving her hand “Are you feeling okay?”
Tobin finally composes herself but not enough before she blurts out “So...Sorry, I didn’t mean to watch you like creep.”
Shit.
If she could slap herself in the face right now she would.
The girl gives her an amused look. “Well don’t just stand there come over here and play.”
“No, I can’t I am not very good.”
“That doesn’t matter we are just playing for fun” the curly haired girl smiles at her as she decides to walk closer to Tobin.
As she approaches she plants herself right in front of Tobin. She notices her deep green eyes and she can’t describe what it feels like to look into them but its as if the girl can stare right into her very soul. The girl is about to speak when suddenly…
“Yo Christen, there you are! We have been looking everywhere for you. Open practice is about to start soon. We need to show this place what our team can do!”
Tobin knows that voice anywhere, she turns around and none other than Kelley followed close behind by Alex. “Well, well, our very own Toby found Christen for us” Kelley says to Alex.
“Please don’t call me that, it’s the worst nickname ever”
Alex finally decides to speak up “I guess, I'll be the one to introduce you since O’Hara over here is lacking in manners among other things”
“HEY, what the hell? I lack in nothing just ask the ladies”
Ignoring her Alex puts her arm around Tobin’s shoulder “Tobin Heath, I would like you to meet Christen Press. She is the best forward on our team apart from me”
Tobin shakes her hand, when their skin touches she feels a jolt of electricity that she hasn’t felt in a very long time. She soon realizes she has been shaking her hand longer than is normal for good manners, dropping her hand before it gets weird.
“Sorry for the short introduction Tobs, but we gotta go otherwise Coach is going to make us run to hell and back.” Alex says as she starts walking away with Kelley.
“Why don’t you come with us, Tobin?”
Tobin can’t help but stare into Christen’s beautiful green eyes, they make her feel calm, yet scared at the same time. She feels like she’s staring into map leading her to something she has been searching for her whole life.
Suddenty, Christen approaches her taking her hand in hers and pulling her along to the stadium.
“C’mon, trust me, you don’t want to miss this” Christen says smiling so wide.
And just like the leaves blowing in the fall wind, I can feel myself taking off with you.