Archive of Our Own

alone, alone, again on valentine

The thing about arranged marriage is, it is exactly like getting set up on a date by a friend. Which is pretty cool, y’know. You don’t really have to make efforts to score a date, don’t have to go through all that jazz where you court someone and go through that flirting and weird stage where you’re something, but you’re not really something before you go to an actual date. There’s much less effort involved with arranged marriage. Less contemplation. Plus, it’s not like Jaemin’s being forced into this. His parents didn’t exactly drag him by the arms, and decided that oh, yeah, you’re gonna get married to Lee Mark, and you won’t be able to object. It’s not exactly like that, so it’s not really a forced marriage, y’know? Jaemin isn’t tied by the neck to do this shit, he actually wants it. Kinda. Well. 

Yeah. 

That’s what he tells Jeno anyways. 

They’re at this bar. Jaemin is glad he doesn’t live with his parents anymore, so going out late isn’t a problem anymore. Although, to put it into perspective, when you’re twenty-five years old, going out late shouldn’t be something to be reprimanded anymore, but whatever. Jaemin is just glad he managed to convince his parents to have him move out last year. Unfortunately, the moving out thing raised another question, which is marriage. Which is what has Jeno scrunching his nose in confusion at. 

“You sure there, buddy?” The music is louder than it should be in this bar. It’s a bar, not a club, so really, it had no excuse being this loud. But Jaemin’s sort of glad. It makes it easier to slip out a lie. 

Jaemin hums. “Yeah. It’s cool. It’s not like Lee Mark and I are gonna get married immediately. It’d be like another date, y’know. Matchmaking.” Crazy how that’s the only thing Jaemin has been repeating in his head to rationalise how fucking stupid this choice is. Jaemin may not be physically tied to a rope, but it sure does feel like it metaphorically. This overwhelming need to conform to everything his parents are making him do, this overwhelming want to please them. Admitting that he has this sense of need to impress them would mean defeat. A weakness. So he just continues to lie, and lie, and lie, until it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

“Matchmaking.” Jeno scoffs under his breath. He looks around the bar, probably to arrange his thoughts. He then turns to look at Jaemin, eyes harsh, like he wants to get his point across. Jaemin tries his best to stare back, to hide the emotions daring to escape from his orbs. “Jaemin. You do know that you can get anyone, right? It doesn’t have to be this way. You could have anyone you fucking want, it doesn’t have to be the one they pick. You already did that throughout your highschool and college life, do you need to have them control your marriage too?” Jaemin only stares at Jeno, and when Jeno doesn’t seem like he’s going to relent, Jaemin sighs, shrugging. A small smile on his face. Jeno rolls his eyes, shoving him away, and the tense moment is broken just like that. Jaemin still feels like he can’t breathe, though. 

“It’s fine, Jeno. It’s like a date--”

“You’re going to his house. You know it’s going to turn into marriage. Stop minimising how big this shit actually is.” Jeno is thoroughly annoyed now. Jaemin can feel it vibing off of him. Jaemin knocks his knee against Jeno’s. It’s kind of amusing how Jeno is getting angry for Jaemin’s behalf. Jaemin doesn’t know whether to knock some sense into him, or be grateful for him. 

“It’s fine.” Jaemin knocks his knee against Jeno’s again. Jeno moves his knee away, and Jaemin genuinely laughs at that. “He’s handsome. I’ve seen his Instagram.”

Jeno gives him a glare. “I know you don’t care about looks, Jaemin.” Jaemin shrugs, looking away. Jaemin can still feel Jeno’s anger. “If you care so much about looks, then you’d do something about how Renjun.”

Jaemin feels himself colouring. “Hey, too far.” 

Jeno shrugs. “You know I’m right.” 

“Too far, Jeno.” 

“You know he likes you.”

“Stop it.”

“You know how this will affect him right?” 

Jaemin sighs, and he looks at Jeno. “I can’t do it. I can’t. You know I can’t. I can’t care about how he feels when I don’t even care about how I feel about this, Jeno.” Jeno looks at him. It’s a blank look, but Jaemin can see the pity. The overwhelming need to fix Jaemin’s life, when Jaemin himself doesn’t know how to, so all he does is obey. “Please. Support me on this, okay?”

It’s silent for a while. Just both of them sipping on their drinks while their eyes roaming the bar. Jeno speaks up. “You’re okay with being miserable your whole life?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, not taking it seriously, knowing that if he does it’ll lead to him actually contemplating his choice. “Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.” Jaemin doubts it. But it’s nice to hope.

-

Jaemin goes home after that, forcing himself to not think. Jaemin forces his nerves down. Jaemin forces himself to ignore that he’s going to meet Lee Mark tomorrow, and that tomorrow is going to change his life. Jaemin forces himself to ignore this overwhelming need in his chest to scream. Jaemin forces himself to change out of his clothes from the bar, forces himself to clean the dishes he left out since yesterday and forces himself to drink some water. 

When Jaemin forces himself to shut his eyes, all Jaemin could think of is how this is a bad fucking choice. 

-

The thing about this arranged marriage is that it’s happening. There’s no doubt about it. All the shit Jaemin had been saying about how it’s matchmaking is kind of false. A false sense of security that gives Jaemin this little bit of hope that he still has at least some things in control in his life.  After Jaemin walks into Lee Mark’s house,  there’s no doubt that he’s going to end up marrying him. So to put it simply, Jeno’s fucking right, which leaves a kind of bitter taste in Jaemin’s mouth, but Jaemin knows it’s happening, so he doesn’t know why he still feels this way. 

It’s kind of business, from what Jaemin understands. This marriage. It’s something about gaining influence and some business treaty shit since the Lee family is one of the most influential families around. Jaemin doesn’t know for sure, but the baseline is that this marriage would bring nothing, but good to both families, so Jaemin can’t find it in him to say no when his mother brings it up to him as a suggestion, although Jaemin knows it’s an order. It might also be the fear that Jaemin will end up with someone they don’t approve of, which makes Jaemin want to hurl things around him, but it’s okay. It’s okay. This is what Jaemin tells himself leading up to this day, and yet when Jaemin is in the car with his parents on the way to Lee Mark’s house, all Jaemin could feel is nerves through his veins, and this overwhelming need to stop the driver, to stop everything, just so he could breathe.

His parents don’t really say anything to him on the way, which surprises him, but he’s probably surprising them by being chill about this whole thing that they didn’t really reprimand him for anything, which makes it easy for Jaemin to ignore them too, and either stare out the window, or his phone. Jeno did text him, surprisingly, since Jaemin had been sure that Jeno was still angry at him from last night. 

Jeno Wee

good luck

i stil think you’re stupid

but i support you no matter what

jaemsters

Thank you

Means a lot

(◕‿◕)

Don’t tell Injun yet pls

Jeno Wee

no promises

jaemsters

(＞﹏＜)

Right. Jaemin refuses to think. It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just marriage. Okay, way too far to rationalise. It’s not just marriage, really. It’s marriage, it’s someone you’re going to spend your whole life with, it’s someone you’re going to need to like since you’re going to spend the rest of your life together. It’s--it’s--big. Really big. Jaemin can feel the bile rising to his throat. Can feel the calmness he managed to build up ebb away the closer they get to the Lee’s residence. 

It’s okay. Jaemin reprimands himself. You’ll be okay. He’s probably a good person. Okay. This is getting way harder to believe. 

Jaemin’s running thoughts are stopped when the Lee’s residence come to his view. It’s big. It’s fucking humongous, and there’s no doubt about it. There’s a main house, and four other buildings around, for God knows what.There’s a beautiful and fertile garden around the house, and a fountain in front of the main house that gives Jaemin the sense of tranquility that Jaemin knows he’d like, but can’t find it in him to truly appreciate merely because of how nervous he is. Jaemin himself used to live in a mansion before he moved away from his parents. But his family’s mansion doesn’t even compare to this big of an estate. Jaemin knows the Lees are big. They’re the old money. The kind of wealth that can’t be bought, the kind of money that can’t be built. It’s the old money that has been there since centuries, and is difficult to replicate. It’s, well, to put it simply, terrifying. Jaemin knows they’re rich, and yet, there’s still goosebumps at the back of his neck. At this evidence that he’s really marrying someone this big, and it’s happening. 

No wonder his parents are so happy about this. 

Speaking of his parents, they, too, are looking at the estate in awe. His mother speaks up, whistling under her breath. “Wow, Jaemin. Look at your husband.”

Jaemin wants to roll his eyes, to scream you don’t know yet . The brief tranquility he felt earlier replaced once again by the overwhelming need to puke. His father gives Jaemin a smile. It’s not one of his cynical smiles that he used to give Jaemin when Jaemin didn’t get the marks he expected back in high school. It’s a genuine smile. Although bile is threatening to escape his throat, Jaemin ashamedly feels a sense of pride. Proud at the fact that he’s making his parents happy. Funny how it comes at a cost. Funny how Jaemin is convincing himself to not mind, when he absolutely should. Funny how damaged he is that he thinks it doesn’t matter that he’s being forced to marry if it could make his parents be proud of him. For once.

They arrive at the main entrance, and Jaemin can already see him from the car’s tinted windows. Lee Mark. He’s smiling. His cheekbones high and proud. Jaemin tries to not let the anger in him surge.

-

Mark’s kind of excited, no doubt. It’s just kind of embarrassing to be so excited.

Johnny is rolling his eyes at him, but Mark can see the small smile tugging at the bottom of his lips at how Mark is bouncing around his room. Mark kind of feels like a kid. Except he shouldn’t be because he’s twenty-six, and he’s getting married, and shiz, oh yeah, he’s bouncing again. Oops.

“Mark, chill.”

Mark rolls his eyes, and he habitually fixes his pillows, to make it look smart. Johnny makes a point to squish it with his elbows, which makes Mark kick his shin. “Of course you can say that. You’re not the one getting married.” Mark stammers. “Kind of. Meeting the one you’re gonna marry. Whatever.” 

“Yeah, thank God, right?” Johnny quips, and Mark can’t help but laugh. 

“Stop putting off marriage so much. You’re getting old.” Mark means it as a joke, and Johnny takes it that way too judging by the way he rolls his eyes, and kicks at Mark’s butt as Mark sits on his bed. 

“I’ll get married when I want to, Mark.” Mark just smirks at Johnny, laying down next to him. Mark probably shouldn’t. His clothes will probably get wrinkled, and both granny and his mom would probably scold him. But he’s been restless since this morning that Mark finds himself not really caring, exhaustion beginning to peek in. Even the maids noticed his restlessness, and chastised him for it, which Mark takes with a giddy grin, so they only ruffled his hair. He woke up that morning super early, and showered early. The maids were surprised when they saw Mark in the kitchen, kicking at the bar table, waiting for breakfast.

“You know he won’t be here in hours, right, Mark?” Jina had teased that morning, one of the maids, and basically Mark’s carer for his whole life, while laying out his breakfast in front of him.

“I know, auntie. But I couldn’t go to sleep. I barely even slept.” Mark shrugged, and he started eating. It was true. Mark was restless the whole night, excitement and nerves coursing through his veins, as he forced his eyes shut to get some rest, but was decidedly futile as he tossed and turned in his sleep. It was quiet in the main house, still tranquil and calm. It gave a sense of security and comfort about what was about to happen. It was still six in the morning, and Jina was looking at him as he ate. Mark whined. “What?”

“You’re growing up so fast.” Mark could see Jina’s eyes turning moist. Mark swallowed as he looked away. She ran her fingers through Mark’s hair softly. “Already getting married! How?”

Mark sheepishly smiled, and replied blatantly. “They’re setting us up.”

Jina rolled her eyes. She knew. Everyone who lives in the household knew. It’s kind of become a running joke. “You want this, right?”

Mark smiled again, this time there was a blush forming in his cheeks. “Kinda.”

Jina smiled at Mark, proud. Mark couldn’t help but feel the pride in his chest too.

It’s now. About thirty more minutes until Na Jaemin is going to come. Mark should probably go down soon. His parents and granny are probably waiting downstairs already. But Johnny’s here, and he’s making Mark think. For God knows what. Johnny always has this effect on Mark, making Mark overthink, or more like, he makes Mark be a better person by rethinking his decisions. But Johnny’s not even saying anything. So maybe Mark is the one that’s thinking.

“You okay?”

Mark shrugs, turning to look at Johnny. “You think this is a good idea?”

Johnny looks at Mark for a moment. He then shrugs. “You like him, don’t you?”

Mark colours a little, and he shuffles his body a little, to get rid of the unease in his chest. He feels kind of shy. “I mean. I barely know the guy. I don’t know him. I’ve never actually met him. I’ve only seen him through Instagram, hyung.”

Johnny laughs. “I know. But you’re interested in him, right? You’re okay with granny making the choice for you?”

Mark coughs. He feels kind of shameless. “Yeah. He’s cute. And his side was willing. So.”

Johnny gets up, and pats Mark’s head. “Then you’re okay. C’mon. Chill, Markie. You’ll be fine.”

When both Johnny and Mark go down, his parents and granny are waiting in the main living room. Johnny winks Mark a good luck one more time before heading off to wherever. His aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews were already ushered to the other parts of the house, his granny’s insistence, in fear of scaring Na Jaemin’s family off, which Mark kind of appreciates since he doesn’t really want his first time meeting Na Jaemin to be in front of a huge audience, since he knows how irritating his huge family can get when they’re ganging up on Mark. Mark has always been the butt of the joke in the family. Johnny says they tease him because Mark’s reactions are fun to watch, which eggs them on even more, which Mark kind of gets, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating. Mark’s twenty-six for God’s sake. Mark was the youngest in the household for a long time, before his cousins started getting married, and having children. But before that Mark had been the youngest cousin. But now, even with children around, Mark still gets teased the most. Mark’s twenty-six, and meeting the person he’s about to marry, and Mark finds that he doesn’t mind that he’s still kind of getting doted on. 

Mark goes to sit across his parents. His granny looks up from the newspaper she’s reading, already looking at Mark sharply to see how presentable he looks. When she deems him as presentable, her stare turns into one of teasing. Mark can feel the heat crawling up his neck already.

“Heard you woke up early today, Mark.” Mark wants to roll his eyes. At how the most mundane news spread in this household. Mark thinks it doesn’t even matter that granny ushered half of the family away when granny is the one truly insufferable out of the bunch. In a good way. Kinda. 

Mark heats up. “So?”

His father perks up, halting the conversation he had been having with Mark’s mother. “Nervous, Mark?” 

Mark rolls his eyes this time. “No.” 

His mother has a small grin on her face. “Sure.” 

Mark shoots them a pained look. “Please stop.” 

“When mommy and I met, mommy wasn’t even nervous. I was! Same place, as usual. I think mother changed the dining table since the last time, though.”  Mark has heard this story before; vaguely during his childhood, when the hazy Sundays were filled with his parents flirting and joking around as they offered to make lunch for the whole household even when the maids insisted they could do it (the maids did help. But Mark knows his parents would like to think that they did it all on their own, and the maids were happy to comply with their lies). It was during those Sundays when his mother would let slip jokes in the form of reminiscing. The hint that his parents’ marriage was arranged came through the cracks of remember when you were practically sweating? I was so grossed out. It hadn’t been clear when Mark was a child. But it became gradually clear during Mark’s teenage years. It wasn’t like his parents were hiding the fact that their marriage was arranged either. They didn’t think it was a taboo topic, and honestly neither did Mark, nor the whole household. It’s not even that arranged marriage is a tradition or anything. His aunts and uncles met each other through the normal way. Uncle Minjun had met Auntie Eunha during university, and his low-key favourite aunties had also met each other in a club out of all places. It’s more that arranged marriage had just become one of the ways to meet. 

His granny then ushered them to go wait by the door. It kind of feels formal. Should it be? Probably. It’s probably the polite thing to do to usher a guest in. It’s just making Mark feel kind of panicky. But Mark has mastered the art of hiding emotions, all the while he’s still living in this household of twenty or so people, where privacy is barely there unless Mark’s room is locked. His mom must’ve noticed though because she’s his mom, and no matter how hard Mark tries, his mom can admittedly sees through Mark’s facade. She pats Mark’s back, as she stands next to Mark. She then hooks Mark’s arm around her own. 

Mark can see the main gate opening. Mark still can’t see Na Jaemin’s car, hidden by the rows of privet on the long driveway. It is only when his car spins through the fountain in front of the main house that Mark can see. Mark can see that there’s a driver driving them. Mark can feel the nerves kicking in again, nervousness beginning to settle at the bottom of his tummy that Mark tries to hide by smiling his best smile that his little nieces said suited him best, so really, it must be true, since these kids are brutally honest at any time of the day. The car is right in front of the main house now, and the driver goes to open the car door. A woman, Mark assumes to be Na Jaemin’s mother, walks out first, with a bright smile on her face. Mark’s not into women, but even Mark can see that she’s absolutely breathtaking. Her smile is gorgeous, and her face is so naturally beautiful with perfectly slanted nose. Na Jaemin’s father walks out next, and Mark can see despite the obvious age in his features, he’s still handsome. Gorgeously strong facial structure that blends well with his age, making him look fitting and dapper for his age. 

Na Jaemin himself walks out next, and--huh.

Huh.

He’s kind of fucking breathtaking. 

He’s kind of in the same thing Mark is in. It’s just a casual lunch, anyways. So Mark’s just wearing a dark blue button up, and dress pants. Jaemin is wearing the same thing, except his shirt is baby blue that makes Mark’s knees kind of wobble. It’s no doubt that Na Jaemin is beautiful. The entourage of parents before him should’ve prepared Mark; his parents are gorgeous, so really, of course he’s handsome as well, and heck, Mark has seen Na Jaemin’s Instagram, where he seldomly posts his pictures in. Mark knows he’s handsome. Yet seeing him in real life isn’t exactly the same as seeing him digitally. He looks the same, yet so much better in ways that Mark can’t even begin to describe. A little more muscular and well-defined than Mark expected, which makes Mark stare a little, at the way his pants hug his legs, at the way his shirt is loose around his biceps, but Mark can see when he shakes hand with Mark’s father the signs that he works out. His jaw is strong, and defined as he gently smiles at granny. A little taller than Mark expected, but he’s probably the same height as Mark, if not a teeny bit taller. He looks good, and it’s undeniable, and  Mark’s staring. 

Na Jaemin finally looks at Mark, and Mark feels his heart beat faster, as fucking cliche as that sounds. Mark thinks it’s because Na Jaemin is truly attractive that it’s hard to not be nervous. He’s just looking at Mark. No smiles, just a stare that s making Mark uncomfortable so Mark looks away, after giving him one last smile. It didn’t cross Mark’s mind at first that Jaemin hasn’t smiled at Mark, and probably avoided looking at Mark for as long as he could. But now that Mark notices, it’s all he can think of. 

Mark distracts himself by shaking hands with Mr. Na, calling him by his surname, which has him laughing at patting Mark’s back. “Hey, no, don’t be like that! You should start calling me dad, Mark.” Na Jaemin’s mother says the same thing that has all of them laughing.

Except Jaemin. He’s smiling, but even Mark, a stranger, can see the disingenuity behind that smile. 

Mark can feel the heat in his cheeks from Mr. Na’s quip. Mark would think that he’d be giddy at this, and honestly, as fucked up as it is, he is. But he can’t bring himself to soak in the giddiness when he has noticed it. 

It.

Na Jaemin doesn’t really want this marriage.

-

The lunch is simple. It’s supposed to be. Their family get to know each other, and Mark can see that his mother and granny are already endeared by how awfully well-mannered Jaemin is, but how well acquainted he is with his words. Jaemin speaks well about what he does in his job, which, honestly, is kind of similar to what Mark does in his family’s company.

Maybe Mark was reading too much into it. 

Jaemin is okay during the lunch. He’s polite, and he smiles often and speaking of a smile, that might just be one of the best smiles Mark had ever seen in his entire life. Mark doesn’t know what it is about Jaemin that draws Mark in so much. It had been like this even before they met. Maybe he’s attractive, and Mark is more shallow than he thinks he is. Maybe Mark had been building up so much to this day that Mark thinks he has built some sort of unrealistic expectations of Jaemin, and honestly, Jaemin didn’t really crash any of his expectations except for the brief look of doubt in his eyes that maybe, maybe, Mark had looked too much into. They talk about the contract between the companies in conjunction with this marriage, and they talk about miscellaneous things such as who to invite to the wedding, and a brief run of the colour scheme. Granny wants it to be baby blue and pink, but Mark’s mother thinks it’s tacky, which granny glares at her for, and both Jaemin’s parents laugh at. Mark doesn’t know, and his input will probably be asked but ignored, but what’s for sure is that he’s getting married to Na Jaemin in two months. 

Right. What the fuck? 

“Two months?” Mark chokes out. Jaemin turns to look at Mark. There’s a smile tugging at his lips at how Mark is coughing his food out, but his eyes are also wide. Maybe Mark was reading into it earlier. He seems okay, as shocked as Mark is. Mark is still coughing. “You can’t plan a wedding in two months.” 

His father coughs, shrugging. “Granny did ours in three months, Markie.” Mark looks at them incredulously, and Mark can see granny puffing her shoulders a little in pride. Mark’s mother rolled her eyes exasperatedly at Jaemin, which Jaemin laughs at. Okay, he definitely didn’t hear this story. But jeez, two months? Two fricking months? It just feels so soon. Mark seriously thought he’d be able to get to know Jaemin a little before the marriage. But with a wedding in two months, they’d probably get swept up in wedding planning that getting to know each other might be too difficult with work in between. 

“It’d be almost three months, anyways, Mark. Two months, and a week to your wedding. There. I can plan a wedding easily.” Granny chastises, and Mark doesn’t think they get that it’s not even about granny’s capabilities, because it’s obviously not. Mark knows how powerful his family name is; the influence it brings, the extent of things his family can get just by a direct phone call. Heck, if granny wanted the wedding to be tomorrow, they’d probably be able to produce just as good of a wedding as any other that takes many more months of planning. Mark knows. It’s just. Isn’t it too soon? 

Jaemin does pipe after. He seems to be glancing cautiously to his parents. “Yeah, granny.” Mark won’t admit that his heart sings at hearing Jaemin call granny that. Granny had insisted Jaemin called him that. “Two months do seem short.” Mark can see Jaemin’s mother giving Jaemin a tight smile. Huh. 

“What’s the use of waiting when I have the time and money in my hands, Jaeminnie?” Jaemin smiles at that, albeit looking a little confused. Granny sighs, and at that point, Mark gets it. Mark should’ve known that it’d be this. Why didn’t his parents warn him about this earlier? “I’m getting old, Jaeminnie. I might die in three months two weeks--”

“Doctor says you’re fine, granny. Don’t be like this.” Mark can’t help but interrupt, with an eye roll. His mother also looks exasperated and is smiling knowingly at Jaemin’s parents, as if to say that she’s always like this, don’t mind her.  

Granny gives him a stern look. “What do doctors know anyway? Are they God?” Mark rolls his eyes again, not being able to stop himself, and he accidentally made the eye-rolling to be something to be shared with Jaemin. Jaemin stares for a moment, before returning his eyes to granny, without even acknowledging Mark. Mark can feel the embarrassment pools in his stomach. This feels so high school. Mark tries to forget it. Mark bites his tongue to stop quipping something back to granny that could end up really making her get angry at Mark. “I’m getting old. And I probably won’t be here much longer. Last time was already enough for my health. I just want to see my favourite grandson get married.” 

Last time was too much. It was seeing his granny look lifeless, and regretting that the last thing Mark said to her was that he was going out with Donghyuck, Jisung, and Chenle, instead of his appreciation for granny. For the life she had given all of them, for how good she is to them, for how the big estate that should feel lifeless feels homey because of her. Mark might be a softie, honestly. Or granny is just way too fucking good at manipulating people into doing what she wants them to do. 

As for the favourite grandson thing, Mark still can’t decide if he’s truly granny’s favourite grandson, or if granny is just playing along with another running joke in the household where Mark is granny’s favourite grandson, since Mark was the youngest in the household for so long before his nephews and nieces came along. Mark would like to think that it’s true, but honestly, with granny, you’re never sure. 

“Johnny would get mad if he hears that.” Mark quips.

“His fault.” Granny replies snootily. “Who told him to not get married? You’re my favourite grandson until Johnny gets out of the phase where he thinks he’ll be happy alone.” Mark doesn’t take granny seriously, because Johnny is one of granny’s favourites too, because really, it’s kind of impossible to not like Johnny. His dad doesn’t take granny seriously either, judging by how he clicks his tongue jokingly. 

“Is Johnny a cousin of Mark’s?” Jaemin’s dad asks.

Mark nods, smiling. “Yes. Auntie Yujin’s son. He still thinks he’s granny’s favourite.” Mark then whispers, as if hiding from Johnny who would hear. “He’s not.” 

That erupts a laugh from the table, and that’s sort of how the tone is throughout the lunch. It’s light, Mark makes jokes when he can, and Mark tries to forget that his own future husband in two months is sitting right across him, a presence so loud even when he’s so quiet. Presence so overbearing when Jaemin is just looking down at his food, looking almost bored at the “adult” talk that follows after, and it reminds Mark of back in the days when dining like these is considered of focusing on making your food look interesting so that you just have something to do, except they’re both listening in but not actually participating unless called. Jaemin looks both so bothered and unbothered that Mark himself doesn’t know how to feel about Jaemin. In fact, Mark doesn’t know what to feel about this now. 

The rings come at the end of the lunch, when they’ve moved to the main living room, and it crosses Mark’s mind that this isn’t anything close to romance. Meeting someone for the first time, and putting a ring on it, while other people watch. Mark doesn’t want to imagine what would’ve happened if his other family is here. It’s awkward as it is. Mark has seen movies where people take efforts to propose; the buildup, the years of knowing each other, the memories leading up to the proposal, all encapsulated into one ring. They don’t have that. Mark knows all this while, but it must’ve been blurred by getting matched with someone so handsome. Mark knows all this while, and yet this, at this moment, as Mark takes Jaemin’s hand, and is about to slip the ring on Jaemin’s ring finger, is when this is starting to settle in. The feeling of how big this is. But Mark’s weird so when he takes the ring that he and his mother had bought just the other day, he still feels his heart flutter as he touches Jaemin’s hand. He slips the engagement ring on Jaemin’s ring finger and gives a smile to Jaemin. Mark’s stupid, and when Jaemin takes his hand, his heart flutters, too. 

Jaemin and his family go home shortly after. Mark kisses both Jaemin’s parents goodbye, with one last promise of calling them mom and dad that makes Mark awfully shy. Jaemin also got kissed by granny and his mother, which Jaemin smiles beautifully at, giggling as he does. His father just pats Jaemin’s back awkwardly as a goodbye. It’s ironic how comfortable the parents can get with both of them. But it’s still awkward with Jaemin and Mark themselves. So they both awkwardly hug each other, and Jaemin gives him a tight smile before he gets in the car. 

The ring feels heavier in his finger.

-

Jaemin knows he can’t hold off telling Renjun longer than he already has. 

He didn’t tell Renjun about his parents arranging this marriage in itself, and what more meeting Mark for the first time empty-handed, only to leave with a ring. Renjun is aware that Jaemin’s parents are pushing him to get married soon. But to drop it on Renjun that Jaemin is, in fact, already engaged, and is going to get married in two months time, and oh, hey, the invitation is probably already in your mail by now, ha-ha, isn’t very nice of him. Hell, it’s fucking cruel if Jaemin were to do it that way. Jaemin knows. Considering how weird things are between them. Considering how Jaemin ignores the obvious signals Renjun sends his ways that he wills away because he’s damaged beyond repair, and is not into confrontations.

Jaemin knows this isn’t something he can repress until it eventually blows out, like how he always handles his life, which can perfectly be seen in this arranged marriage itself. It blows out in the form of Jaemin actually getting married to Mark. So, no. It’s too shitty if Jaemin was to hide this away from Renjun. Because even if Jaemin doesn’t want to acknowledge Renjun’s feelings, he needs to tell Renjun merely because Renjun is one of Jaemin’s closest friends, apart from Jeno, and getting left out about shit like this would feel horrible. So really, he’s kind of killing two birds with one stone, except that he’s torturing this other bird so deeply, probably.

Jaemin doesn’t mean to ignore his friends, except he does.

It’s been five days since the lunch at Mark’s. It’s still weird to Jaemin that he’s engaged. It doesn’t leave him angry anymore. Anger easily fades away with time, Jaemin knows that, and Jaemin has always been a calm person anyways. So it just makes him feel weird right now. Weird, with this hint of resentment at something; his parents or the situation itself, Jaemin doesn’t quite know, and he doesn’t know if he wants to pinpoint his fingers to a particular one. All Jaemin kind of knows right now is that he doesn’t like to take his ring off. It stays in his ring finger these past five days, and Jaemin actually surprisingly blushes when one of his co-worker in his team points out the ring. Jaemin doesn’t know what about the ring that makes him feel kind of grounded in some ways. The ring surprisingly doesn’t remind him of his parents, instead, it reminds him of Mark and his family, which admittedly warms Jaemin’s heart, merely because of how close they all seem.

That’s one thing about the situation. Jaemin can’t bring himself to hate the situation too much, yet he feels like he needs to. Before meeting Mark, it kind of feels one-sided. Like all this while, Mark and his family had been conspiring with his parents on ways to ruin Jaemin’s life even more. But that vision quickly shattered when he met Mark and his family. They’re nice. They’re so nice and welcoming, it makes Jaemin’s blood boil that Mark is getting his parents as in-laws, when Jaemin is getting a family as nice as his. They’re so nice, and they clearly bond with each other and like each other, judging by the way they can jokingly insult their family members without getting too serious. Jaemin can see how familial they are in how granny asked the maids to give Mark the first bowl of rice, and Jaemin can see it when they already backed away from the main house when Jaemin saw Mark’s mother kissed Mark’s cheek lovingly, and Mark’s father ushered granny in gently with his arm around her, familiar, as if Mark’s father is her real son. Meanwhile, in the car, it had only been an approving glance from his mother, and stoic silence.

Then there’s Mark. 

It’s impossible to hate Mark, Jaemin had decided just as he made his first eye contact with Mark.  He’s like a puppy. Always giddy, and excited, although he tries to contain it, the insistent tap of his shoes give it away. It’s the way he looks at Jaemin, like he’s expecting something. It leaves Jaemin kind of scared, not knowing if he can fulfill Mark’s expectations. Not knowing if he can live up to whatever Mark wants and if Jaemin even wants to live up to that expectation. The way he perks up when Jaemin acknowledges his jokes. The way he sort of thought they had a running inside joke between them, so he was always looking at Jaemin after he said something to see if he understood. Jaemin absolutely cannot hate the gentle way he cradled Jaemin’s hand, the soft way he slipped the ring in Jaemin’s ring finger, and the way he smiled as it fits perfectly well. There’s absolutely no way that Jaemin could hate someone as pure as that. He’s impossible to hate, no matter how much Jaemin kind of wants to since it is Mark’s fault that he’s so damn rich, and he or his family apparently wants to marry Jaemin. Frankly speaking, the Lee’s probably don’t even need the Na’s. It’s better for them, but not needed. Sort of another way they could add to their exorbitant amount of riches, while Jaemin’s family had desperately needed this as one of the ways for their company to expand.

So there’s that situation to do with his resentment. The fact that he absolutely cannot hate the Lees since they’re such lovely people, which surprises Jaemin since someone that filthy rich theoretically shouldn’t be so humble, but the condition should make him hate the Lees. 

Then there’s Mark. Sweet Mark that definitely deserved more than how aloof Jaemin had been. Jaemin can’t hate them. But this, in itself fucking stinks. The fact that Jaemin knows he’s going to get married to a stranger. The fact that he’s doing this for his family. It’s--driving Jaemin insane. He doesn’t even know what’s going to happen in this marriage. Doesn’t know what to expect. Mark texted him for the first time the day after they met, and honestly, he had been so sweet over text, too that Jaemin feels almost guilty. Like he doesn’t deserve how kind Mark is being although that’s what Jaemin had hoped for Mark to be like.

unknown

hi jaemin! good morning! 

it’s mark hahaha!! this is kind of strange that this is my first text to you considering what we are now. lol. 

anyways, just texting you to tell you that i’ll probably be busy for a couple of weeks now since i got handed a new project to work on. would love to meet with you alone though but honestly i don’t think i can this week :(

Jaemin had stared at the text, not knowing how to reply. Even his texting habits were sweet, and it was making Jaemin feel so. Helpless. 

na jaemin 

Hello, Mark! Haha yeah, it really is, but oh well.

I’d like that as well, but I understand that you’re busy. 

Just tell me when you’ll be free, and we can meet sometime.

Lee Mark

okay!!! will do!! 

:)

Jaemin replied with another smiley face. Because he felt that Mark deserved at least that.

So that’s that. 

Both of them have been kind of constantly texting for the past week, just brief good morning and goodnight texts from Mark that Jaemin got whiplash at the first time he received them. Then, it had been some more random things like Mark asking if Jaemin had eaten, what time Jaemin was going home, and all mostly small talk. But it had all been brief. The morning and night greetings are constant, but that was it. It was probably because Mark is busy, so Jaemin doesn’t pry either, feeling a little awkward, but also wanting to leave Mark to his work.

Anyways. Back to his friends.

Jaemin knew he couldn’t avoid his friends forever, and he knew he had to break it to Renjun sooner or later. He ignored Jeno’s texts asking for updates, only acknowledging other bits of Jeno’s texts that don’t involve his marriage, and since Renjun didn’t know anything, his and Renjun’s texts were normal, only with a small hint of guilt in Jaemin’s chest as he types his words. But they don’t even text that regularly, so it makes seeing them in real life even worse. He already refused two lunch offers from Renjun, where Jaemin kind of chickened out, and one from both Jeno and Renjun, with the pretence of being busy with work, that is kind of true, but he could have gone for lunch outside since he is the one managing his team. Maybe he should have let Jeno tell Renjun. This would make it even easier. Kind of. Or will it kill Jaemin? His mind is kind of fucking inconsistent these days that it’s making even Jaemin go crazy.

So to get it over with, Jaemin asks both of them for lunch on Friday. They meet at an Indian restaurant, and Jeno comes first, so he notices the ring. Jeno says it’s because his destiny is to be a detective, but honestly, Jaemin thinks Jeno noticed because he knows where to look. They’re inside the restaurant, and Jeno is studying Jaemin’s ring.

“You’re really fucking engaged to a guy you barely know.” Jeno says, as he studies the ring as if Jaemin doesn’t know . Jeno looks at him, clear look of pity in his eyes. Jaemin knows Jeno’s about to go all preachy on him, so he braces himself. But all Jeno says is: “You sure about this?”

Jaemin looks away. He’s not. But he has accepted it, and his in-laws and fiancée are all nice which both leaves a sour and sweet taste in his mouth when he thinks about it. “Yeah. I think you’d like Mark honestly.”

“I doubt that.” Jeno grumbles, and the waiter gives them their menus.

Jaemin raises his eyebrows at Jeno, laughing incredulously as he flips through the menu. “You’re acting like a kid, Jeno. You’re gonna have to get used to this. I am getting married to him, and you’re still going to be my friend. You can’t pretend he doesn’t exist”

Jeno sighs. He looks sorry. “I know. It just feels unfair.” Jaemin kicks at Jeno’s shoes to tell him that it’s fine. Jeno then asks. “How are you going to deal with Injun?”

Jaemin shrugs, trying to hide the unsettling nerves he feels at the mention of Renjun. He should be coming soon. “Who knows. I’ll just outright say I’m getting married. How else?”

“You’re not mentioning that you’re forced to?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “It’s arranged, Jeno. Not forced. Mark isn’t being forced to marry me.”

“But you are, though.” Jeno points out.

“Eh. I’m okay with it. They’re really nice, Jeno.”

“So if they weren’t nice, you were still going to go ahead with it?” Jeno shoots back.

Jaemin glares at Jeno. “Stop fucking with me, man.”

“Blah.” Jeno replies because he’s mature. 

Renjun shows up a few minutes after, and predictably, doesn’t notice Jaemin’s ring. ‘Kay. Although Jaemin was positive Renjun wouldn’t notice, Jaemin wished Renjun had just so he could get this over with. All of them ordered, and snacked on the complimentary papadom, talking about whatever comes to mind. Jeno keeps shooting him looks that Renjun eventually noticed because he asks.

“What’s going on?” Renjun rolls his eyes. “I know you guys are hiding something from me. Jeno has been doing that stupid eye look ever since I got here.”

Jeno pointedly looks at Jaemin, and shrugs, looking away. As if to say it’s on you. 

Jaemin sighs. This is it. Let’s get it over with. Jaemin looks at Renjun, forcing his eyes to smile. The words are on the tip of his tongue. “I’m getting married.”

“W-what?” is the first thing Renjun says. It sounds incredulous. Almost in disbelief, like they’re playing a big prank on him, which Jaemin gets. “Are you serious?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Jaemin shows his ring, smiling. “Ta-da.”

Renjun’s silent for a while, then he breaks out into a big smile, hugging Jaemin as he does. “Congrats, Jaemin. Who’s the lucky guy?”

Jaemin tells him.

Jaemin is selfish in how he ignores the way Renjun’s eyes goes hard as he talks about Mark and his family, and when they met. Jaemin is selfish in how he ignores Renjun’s eyes instinctively grazing Jaemin’s ring finger. Jaemin is selfish in how he pretends to not know Renjun’s feelings. 

Above all, he’s selfish because he doesn’t want this thing in his life, the only one he has control over, to also change.

-

Mark was right about not having that much time to get to know each other. Mark knew he would be, but he still had an inkling of hope that he would be wrong.

Work for Mark has been busy for a couple of weeks now. He got shoved into a new project the day after he met Jaemin, that kind of has been stressing Mark to no end, and had required him to go to work even during the weekends. Honestly, Mark might even forget that he was going to get married if it weren’t for his mother constantly bursting into his room right after he got home every night to ask him for his opinions for the flowers, colour schemes, and asking if he wanted to invite his friends from kindergarten which kind of made Mark want to keel over, and cry at. 

Okay’s he’s kind of exaggerating. There’s also the ring. It’s kind of hard for Mark to forget when Mark would be on his phone or writing something, and the ring is just there.

This is kind of cheesy, even for Mark. The ring feels heavy, and this isn’t even literal, but merely because, well, the sentiment the ring holds. Mark is not going to lie. He likes the idea that he’s getting married to Jaemin. So really, when at times that it feels kind of surreal that he’s getting married, the ring is always there for Mark to look at, and for him to think that oh, yeah, shit, he’s getting married. 

He hasn’t gotten the chance to meet Jaemin ever since that lunch. Mark was shoved into a suit fitting during lunchtime sometime last week, and Jaemin hadn’t been there, so Mark guessed that their fitting wouldn’t clash at all. Their families are mostly the one planning the wedding itself, so they didn’t really have anything to worry about. Mark did have to pick out a wedding ring for Jaemin, which means Jaemin was also going to pick a wedding ring for Mark, so that won’t clash either.

Mark knew from the very beginning that the wedding planning wouldn’t have their paths crossed, and work would be busy for Mark which was why he texted Jaemin the day after they met, on a Monday, when he was having breakfast before work with Jisung, Donghyuck, and Chenle. His friends had wanted to see him after the lunch with Jaemin, but Mark had been dragged into picking some colour schemes by his family, and Mark knew his lunch breaks would be brief that week due to the new project, so breakfast was the only time they could fit in meeting together.

Donghyuck had whistled at Mark when he walked into the breakfast cafe they had agreed to meet in. “You’re engaged!” Donghyuck slapped Mark’s back as a greeting, letting out a grunt from Mark, as he flipped through the menu.

Jisung who was trailing behind Donghyuck, took a seat beside Mark, and grabbed Mark’s hand immediately to look at the ring. Jisung looked at Mark with his wide eyes. “Damn. It’s really happening.” 

Mark gave them a pained look. “Please stop making a big deal out of this. Chenle already did.” Chenle only shrugged in retaliation, although his nose flared a little, as if amused. Chenle had come at the same time as Mark earlier, so he was the first one to giggle and gasp at Mark’s ring, while Mark had helplessly let him with alarmingly warm cheeks.

“So how was he? As handsome as pics in IG?” Jisung asked, because of course , he did. The fact that they all looked interested in that made Mark want to drop kick all of them. 

Mark shrugged uncomfortably. “I guess. More handsome?” His friends, like fucking high schoolers they were, hooted. Actually hooted. “Oh my God. How old are all of you?”

Chenle ignored this. “I can’t believe the wedding is gonna be in two months. Granny’s crazy.”

Mark snorted at that, agreeing. “Tell me about it. I pointed it out during lunch, and she brought up dying in three months. You guys are the groomsmen, by the way. You guys know that already though, right? I know granny told some of you. Who was it?”

The three of them raises their hands sheepishly. Donghyuck then asked. “When are you guys gonna meet again?”

Mark shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Dunno?” Jisung echoed. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Donghyuck then interjected. “You’re getting married in two months, and you don’t feel like you’re running out of time to get to know each other?” Chenle hummed in agreement, as he raised his hand to get the waiter.

Mark frowned. “Stop freaking me out. It’s not gonna work.” When they still continued to look at Mark in disbelief, Mark murmured slowly. “Do I text him now?”

“You mean you haven’t texted him?” 

Well. Yeah. That was how the first text was constructed. At the breakfast cafe’s table, with Mark typing out what he thought he should say, then his friends nitpicking, and honestly, just making fun of Mark that had driven Mark absolutely nuts, before they decided whatever, be yourself, Mark, so they ended up sending the first thing Mark had typed. Mark had wanted to text Jaemin the night before. But to be honest, with his mind constantly flashing out just how cold Jaemin had been, and just coming across as being too giddy, Mark chickened out, so all Mark typed was good before erasing it, and forcing himself to go to sleep. 

So every morning and night, it would be this constant battle with his nerves, forcing himself to send the texts, and getting stupidly shy when Jaemin replied back. This feels a lot like having his first boyfriend. Jaemin is, of course, not his first one. Mark’s first one had been in high school and ended in heartbreak as all first love does. But the feelings Jaemin give Mark feels a lot more youthful in some inexplicable way. Maybe it’s because Mark is still romanticising this. Maybe it’ s because Mark has had a little crush on Jaemin even way before they met that it’s hard to let go. 

However, as days go by, Mark couldn’t help but notice just how, well, aloof Jaemin is. It feels like Mark keeps being the only one making efforts. Mark feels lowkey shitty, and the crush suddenly feels a lot more silly than it already is. Mark is getting more and more convinced that this marriage doesn’t feel the same way to Jaemin as it does to Mark. Mark’s sensitive and too into his feelings honestly, so he realises that Jaemin never texts him first, or asks about his day, which honestly adds on to the suspicion earlier about Jaemin being less enthralled about this than Mark is, and honestly? It’s kind of embarrassing.

So it’s good that he has work to distract him. When his mind manages to go through that route, he forces himself to remember that he’s twenty-six, and goddamn, texting isn’t as serious as Mark thinks it is.

Well, that is until Jaemin texts him, asking if he’s free.

-

It’s stupid, kinda. 

Jaemin just casually realises that Mark didn’t text him goodnight the night before. Jaemin had gone to bed reluctantly that night, merely because these past two weeks, he had been greeted by goodnights so it’s just, well weird? 

The day after, Jaemin still doesn’t get a good morning text, and well. It just didn’t seem right. Jaemin will deny that the slight irritation in his tummy mean anything. Probably the bad salad Jaemin had last night. So Jaemin texts him.

na jaemin

Good morning, Mark! :)

Are you free tonight after work?

-

Mark didn’t mean to forget to text Jaemin. 

He went home late last night, after finally finalising the project, and had crashed until eleven the next morning. Mark had let everyone in his team take a day off since they’ve been working their butts off for two weeks now. It’s Friday, and Spring is finally starting to settle in. Mark can see when he opens his curtains that the trees around the main house are growing well, and the gardener is currently digging something to the ground which means that granny probably bought something new. So really, with how beautiful it is in the house, and finally getting an adequate amount of sleep, the text almost feels like a miracle.

Mark Lee

hey!!!! good morning!!! :)

or, well, afternoon. i slept in today hahah oops

i’m finally done with the project so yes i’m perfectly free!! in fact, i’m free the whole day heh

Mark cringes, blinking at his text. He shouldn’t have replied immediately when he woke up. But Jaemin’s reply pings in just immediately as Mark is brushing his teeth, so Mark looks at it.

na jaemin 

That’s good to hear!

Oh, you sure you don’t want to just rest today? I know the project has been tough. Your dad came over the other day. Told me you’ve been working hard on it.

Lee Mark

nooo i’ve rested enough!!! 

we should really see each other :)

na jaemin 

Well, if you insist. 

I’d love to go out for lunch with you too, but my coworkers have already claimed me haha. 

See you tonight? I can pick you up.

Lee Mark

ok!! cool!! see you

Mark hesitates for a second.

Lee Mark

<3

-

Jaemin blinks at the text.

Lee Mark

<3

Okay. 

na jaemin

See you :)<3

-

honey bee, was it your buzzin' i adored?

It doesn’t truly settle into Jaemin that picking up Mark from his huge ass house would be a huge deal until Jaemin got into his car after he is done with work for the day, and is stuck in Seoul traffic, that he suddenly realises, oh, shit, this is a huge deal. 

Well, kind of. Being fiancees in itself is already a huge deal anyway, so what could pick up Mark do, y’know? Right. Absolutely nothing because although this date is their first, they’re already engaged anyways, so it’s whatever. Jaemin can already feel the regrets of not asking to just meet somewhere to begin their date, but he swallows it in as he drives to his penthouse, playing Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now to get rid of the jitters he feels, but the more the song goes on the more nervous Jaemin feels from how hyped the song is. This is awful. Why is Jaemin even nervous? The worst part is done anyways. They’re already engaged, for fuck’s sake, so really what does he need to worry about now? Making a good impression? He thinks he’s done that judging by how nice Mark’s family had been to him, and honestly picking up Mark should be another good impression to the books. 

Gah. Jaemin turns up the music and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down. When he arrives at his condo and goes up to his penthouse, Jaemin goes straight to shower to calm himself down, and it does help for a while, but when it’s time for him to pick his clothes out, he goes blank, suddenly finding himself actually caring about what he wears. Well, Jaemin always does care about what he wears anyway, so it’s whatever that he cares about this . Jaemin gets over it, and eventually picks out simple black jeans, and a black tee, along with his leather jacket. Mark said that they would be going somewhere casual anyways, so this should suffice. Jaemin sprays a filthy amount of cologne on, in fear of smelling bad since he’s sweating a lot from both nerves and the Spring heat carving in, and by the time he’s back in his car, and driving off, Jaemin realises that he still has about forty minutes until he needs to get to Mark’s. 

Mark’s house is about fifteen minutes away, and the traffic should fade away by now, so Jaemin doesn’t really want to go earlier than they agreed on. This is exactly how Jaemin ends up thinking about buying Mark flowers. Flowers. Jaemin can already feel his toes curling just at how cheesy this is, but before Jaemin knows it, he’s already driving to a flowers shop he knows from Instagram. Jaemin rationalises by saying that he’s doing this to kill time. Doing this as a nice gesture, for how unintentionally cold he’s being towards Mark. It’s not like Jaemin hasn’t received flowers when he’s on a date. Well. His first flowers had been from the guy he had been with for four months, but whatever. Buying flowers don’t need reasons. Mark has been busy anyways. It’d be a nice gesture. Mark has already picked the restaurant. So. It’s chill.

It’s chill, Jaemin chants to himself as he enters the flowers shop. It’s a shop Jaemin knows from Instagram, with a decent amount of followings, so Jaemin almost expects the store to be some sort of full, but it surprisingly has just the perfect amount of customers. The store is a combination of both a florist shop and cafe. It’s a beautiful shop, beautifully decorated with plants and flowers hanging from the ceiling, and a centre table where flowers are displayed in tall vases, and some in baskets, already wrapped, so people can take it and go. There’s also a counter where people can order food and drinks. It’s a place that Jaemin could see himself spending hours in, just basking in how beautiful the interior is, maybe with a book. It’s quiet, with only a couple customers at the side, and around five people at the very at the end of the shop, seeming like they’re taking a class on putting together a vase, which kind of makes Jaemin smile a little at the wholesomeness of it all. 

One of the workers noticed Jaemin hanging awkwardly by the door, and approaches him cheerily. It’s a girl who looks like she’s in college, bouncing excitedly on her feet as he approaches Jaemin. “Hi! Welcome! How can I help you out?” 

Jaemin smiles back. “Hi. Um, I want to give some flowers for my date.” Jaemin can feel himself warming up a little. It is a date. It’s just. Yeah. “Can you just make a small bouquet? Sorry, I know you kinda need to place an order earlier or something, but this is kind of a last-minute plan.” So unlike Jaemin, too. 

The girl doesn’t look surprised, instead enthralled, and Jaemin is surprised that someone can be so happy with her job. Maybe it’s a new job, which is why she’s still so excited about it. But it’s nice to look at. “Yeah, of course! We always get last-minute orders. What’s your budget?” Jaemin tells her, and she then leads Jaemin to the middle of the shop, where the table is there, displaying the flowers. “You want any specific flowers?” 

Jaemin doesn’t really know what Mark likes, but Jaemin does like baby’s-breath. In fact, Jaemin has some vases in his penthouse with the exact flowers that he changes every time it wilts. “Some baby’s-breath with it would be pretty. You can just pick out the others.” The girl does and quickly whips out a bouquet consisting of few baby pink roses, as well as white and baby blue baby-breaths that Jaemin thinks look gorgeous. 

When she finishes wrapping it, she praises the flowers. “Pretty. The date is a lucky one, huh?” 

Jaemin hands his card, taking the flowers from her, smiling as he does. “Uh. Yeah. He’s my fiance.” It occurs to Jaemin that this is kind of the first time he has referred to Mark specifically as that. As what they truly are. 

The girl looks happier if that is even possible. “Well, then even better! I like how you referred to him as your date.” She chastises, handing Jaemin his card. “Have a good date.” Jaemin smiles at her, saying thank you and exiting, keeping in mind of the name of the florist shop, in case he ever wants to go there again. For whatever reason.

It crosses Jaemin’s mind that it’s kind of been a while since he went on a date. When his parents raised the idea of marrying Mark, it had been somewhere during February, and the lunch for Mark was around two weeks after. Even before he was raised the idea of marrying Mark, he hadn’t really been going on dates, except few hookups in clubs that even Jaemin could not resist. Jaemin continuously used the excuse of busy with work to not go meet people, and it’s not like his friends want him to broaden his dating pool anyways. Jeno had always hoped Jaemin would end up with Renjun, despite knowing Jaemin only sees Renjun platonically and is too chicken to go against his parents if he ever likes Renjun back. Renjun comes from a normal family, as stupid and derogatory as that sounds, one that wouldn’t bring his family any good. So it’s both good and sad that he only sees Renjun platonically. Good because the reason why he’s not reciprocating Renjun’s feelings is technically that he truly sees Renjun as a brother, and not because he’s terrified of his parents. It’s just sad because, well. He’s crushing Renjun. Renjun has been harbouring his feelings for Jaemin for so long, probably. Maybe even way before Jaemin knew. 

His parents want him to marry so bad that hell, his parents even suggested marrying Jeno, which, uh, yucks. Because if Renjun is a brother, then Jeno is practically his twin. The fact that Jeno is a childhood friend is good is because Jaemin doesn’t have to hide how shitty his parents is because Jeno knows, but it’s bad because ever since his parents found out he’s gay, and Jeno is the only close friend of Jaemin that they know who is within their class, whose family is influential enough to give the Na’s some more name.

Maybe that’s why marrying Mark had been something that was easy enough to accept. Well, as easy as it gets. Jaemin is still warming up to the idea, and he admits he could be a little nicer to Mark, but Jaemin didn’t really throw a tantrum, way past that stage anyways. He accepted it in front of his parents, and the other part of warming up to it had merely come from himself in the form of calming himself down when his throat constricts when the thought of actually marrying someone gets so overwhelming. So yeah. 

Jaemin would like to think he’s used to it now. In fact, Jaemin knows he is. Which is kind of strange to think of. When the thought of marrying would leave him practically unable to breathe a few months back, but now, it kind of makes him feel strangely calm. Maybe it’s because Mark’s family are such nice folks. So used to riches that they don’t even matter anymore, unlike Jaemin’s own family that is still chasing for gold. So used to having stability, that they’re so happy with each other, and they only show off their wealth secretly, and they don’t even need to since everyone knows. Riches are shown in the form of their huge estate, that has been passed down from centuries, the exact place Jaemin is in right now. 

The guards at the front gate know Jaemin, and they smile as they let him in, which kind of makes Jaemin feel shy. Jaemin pulls up in front of the main house since that’s where Mark told him to pick him up, which gets Jaemin wondering where exactly Mark’s family lives, and what are the other houses for. Jaemin texts Mark that he’s there, and Jaemin tries not to let his hand grip the bouquet as tightly as how tight his gut is right now. Jaemin doesn’t know if he wants to shit or is just nervous beyond belief. 

Mark then walks out, closing the door discreetly, looking back at the huge door, almost in fear, and when the door opens again, Jaemin can see the comical way Mark’s facial expression contorts into one of annoyance. Jaemin can see Mark muttering curses under his breath. It finally occurs to Jaemin that Mark wants to sneak out, and it gets funnier when the door opens even more widely to show a tall guy, and two kids, who look about seven, next to the tall guy, shouting at Mark. Jaemin rolls his windows down, to hear what they’re saying.

“Makie-oppa, so bad!” 

“Yeah, Markie. Why are you SNEAKING OUT?”

“Johnny, if you don’t shut up--”

“Hey, mommy says that’s a bad word--”

Mark turns to look at Jaemin, helpless, and when he sees that Jaemin has his windows down, he colours, gesturing at Jaemin to come up, and Jaemin gets that they won’t relent until Jaemin actually introduces himself. Jaemin laughs, and he gets out of the car, leaving the flowers in his car. He walks up to the stairs to the main door and stands next to Mark. Johnny and the two kids are by the main entrance, while both of them are a little lower than them. 

“Hello, Johnny-ssi. Hi, kids. What’s your name?” Jaemin asks. It’s quiet outside, so his voice is heard. 

“Hyung is alright, Jaemin. You’re marrying into the family, anyways.” Johnny says, and Jaemin smiles. Johnny gestures to the kids, patting their shoulders. “Hey, quick. Introduce yourself. They need to go on their date.”

“Oh my God.” Jaemin hears Mark says besides him. 

The girl on Johnny left puffs up her shoulders. “Ahreum!” She looks at Jaemin snootily, as if judging Jaemin, and Jaemin takes it with a laugh, waving at her. 

Johnny then kicks softly at the other kid on his life. The kid startles, and bites on his bottom lip. “Hyunjin.” He says shyly, and then runs inside the house. Johnny laughs at that, and picks Ahreum up, although she already looks too big to be in Johnny’s hold. 

Johnny then waves the two of them off. “Go, go. Before aunty notices. You’ll end up having your date in here, for all you know.” 

Mark grumbles and waves one last time at them. Johnny goes inside, and suddenly, it’s quieter than it was. There’s only the sound of the fountain in the middle of the main house, softly splashing as it goes down. Jaemin can see that the flowers are blooming even more than the last time Jaemin was there. There seems to be a newly potted plant nearby that still has to be arranged. It’s still pretty, under the dim lights along the driveway. 

Jaemin turns to look at Mark, gently smiling. Jaemin can see that he’s wearing ripped light wash jeans that he cuffs above his knee, and a simple black shirt, along with a bomber jacket slung on his arm. Jaemin can see the ring in his finger. His hair is gelled up, and Jaemin can honestly say Mark looks nice. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” Mark replies, returning his smile. Mark starts to go down the stairs. “Sorry my family’s like that. I can’t believe you’re also going to be stuck with them.” 

Jaemin laughs as he opens his car door. He’s about to retort something when he sees the flowers in his driver’s seat. Shit. Jaemin momentarily forgot about this. Mark is sliding into the passenger’s seat. He still hasn’t seen the flowers, and he seems to still be irritated at his family, so Jaemin fumbles for a moment, before directing the flowers at Mark. When Mark turns to look at Jaemin and is greeted by the flowers, he looks at Jaemin in surprise. “Um. Yeah. Just because.” Mark still looks surprised, so Jaemin continues on. “Um. I got ready early and had some time. Just seen these flowers on IG, so um--”

Mark laughs, taking the flowers from Jaemin’s hold, smelling it, grinning up at Jaemin. “Thanks, Jaemin. I really love it.” 

Jaemin just smiles back at him. Jaemin doesn’t know if how warm he’s feeling translates to his face. Jaemin then drives out the driveway, waving at the security. Mark already told him the name of the restaurant they’re going to, so Jaemin already entered the location in his phone before. It’s quiet in the car for a while, Mark just settling in, and fiddling with the radio since Jaemin told him to play anything, and when Mark seems satisfied with his choice, he leans back on his seat, and stares at the flowers. 

“Really, though. This is nice of you.” 

Jaemin turns to look at him briefly before his eyes go back to the road, shooting him a smile as he does. Jaemin laughs before he can stop himself. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. But thanks. Kinda thought I was going overboard.” 

“Are you kidding me? It’s cute.”

Jaemin feels something tingles in his tummy. “I thought you’d be used to people giving you flowers.”

Mark’s silent for a while, seemingly to be deep in thought. “I think that’s your way of telling me that you think I get a lot of admirers.” 

Jaemin laughs again. “Yes, it was.” Jaemin wouldn’t be surprised if he does.

“I know you’re joking, but I’ll clarify anyway. I don’t. Other than flowers I got for when I turned legal. My exes were not really into flowers. And honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date.” Mark seems embarrassed to be admitting that. But it’s nice to hear that Mark also considers this a date when they’ve been very vague about it through texts. 

“That makes the two of us.” Jaemin replies back. Jaemin then switches the topic. “I’ve been meaning to ask, though. Who exactly lives in the house?”

Jaemin looks at Mark just in time to see Mark’s reaction to the question. His eyes lit up as if excited to get a question about his family. That alone shows Jaemin just how close he is with his family, and it makes Jaemin both glad that he’s marrying into this family, yet so sad that he’s barely close with his parents, and when they speak it’s more out of obligation out of anything. The whole way to the restaurant, Mark tells him about his family. Mark tells him that there are currently four families living in the house, although there’s actually three more, they moved out when they got married. Mark’s and Johnny’s family live in the main house, along with granny. Mark tells him about Auntie Hyerim, who lives in one of the houses at the sides, and also has two daughters that are already married, which is where Ahreum comes from, along with his other nephews and nieces. Then there’s Uncle Sangbin on the other house on the side, who also has three sons, and two daughters, that most have moved out, except one, which is Hyunjin’s moms. Jaemin knows Mark’s family is big, but actually hearing it getting broken down like this is kind of intimidating. 

By the time they arrive at the restaurant, Jaemin can easily admit that Mark is comfortable to be with. He’s easy to talk to, and Jaemin likes listening to Mark’s family history. There seems to be a lot more to learn, and the conversation continues all the way to the table. Mark knows how to make his story interesting and not braggy, even though his family’s history is definitely something to be bragged about. 

“Granny likes the house full.” Mark explains when Jaemin asks why there are so many people living there, his hands flipping through the menu. “The empty space would be a waste, anyways. And granny really likes the kids. It used to be me, but we don’t talk about that.” Jaemin actually laughs loudly at that. Jaemin has noticed that Mark being the favourite is the running joke in the house. 

The question then crosses Jaemin’s mind, and he says it before he even realises the intimacy it holds. “What if when we get married?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Mark says in surprise. Mark puts his menu down. Jaemin notices the sounds of Mark tapping his foot incessantly on the floor. Jaemin can see the pink colouring his cheeks at Jaemin’s direct question. “Mom has been pushing me to ask you about this, but I didn’t think it’d be right to do it over text. My family would of course, like, love it if I still stay in the house.” Mark then blinks, as if embarrassed, looking away from Jaemin’s eyes for a moment before returning to look at Jaemin. Jaemin can see him playing with his ring, twisting it around, and something pools at the bottom of Jaemin’s stomach. “Um. I don’t mind if you don’t want to. I know my family’s overwhelming. It’d be nice to get away from them if I’m being honest. I’m okay with anywhere you feel comfortable with. I know you live in a penthouse, mom told me, sorry, is that private? Um. But, yeah! You don’t have to move. We don’t have to move. I can just go to you if you’d like. If you’re okay with it.” 

“Yeah. You moving in would be nice.” Jaemin replies with a gentle smile and Mark returns his smile, nodding, and they go back to flipping through the menu. That easy. Honestly, all this while, it hasn’t really crossed Jaemin’s mind about their living arrangements, which now that Jaemin thinks of it, makes him kind of stupid since this is a big life change. What was he expecting honestly? For them to be married, but live separately? Not really, but Jaemin was simply not thinking, too caught up in just the thought of being married he barely considers anything else. But considering how easy it had been to solve, Jaemin doesn’t beat himself up that much over it. 

They order, and Jaemin learns that Mark likes spicy food as much as Jaemin does. Their shoe kind of touch when the waiter goes away to send their orders, but Mark doesn’t move his shoes, so Jaemin doesn’t feel the need to do so either. 

“Sorry. I’ve been the only one talking non-stop.” Mark laughs, embarrassment lacing his tone. “What about you? What’s your family about?” 

Jaemin considers this. Mark will probably know eventually what his family is like since he’s going to get married to Jaemin, so Jaemin tells him the truth. Jaemin shrugs at first. “I’m not close with my parents like you are to yours, honestly. Um, I guess the nicest way to put it is they expect a lot from me since I’m their only child. But they’re not that nice. I don’t remember my childhood much, but I remember getting scolded a lot when I was a kid if I play too much. We barely talk these days. In high school, they force me to study a lot to get good scores for sooneung, and when the grades didn’t live up to their expectations they would lock me up in my room. It was like that all the way till uni. They even picked my major in uni, but I didn’t mind much. All I thought of was pleasing them if I’m being honest. Although I was consistent in uni, so they didn’t monitor me much. Uni was the only time I started dating.” 

Jaemin doesn’t look at Mark as he says this. Embarrassed, maybe, that he’s letting out such an emotional baggage when they’ve been in each other’s presence for an hour. But you’re getting married to him, Jaemin constantly reminds himself, as if Mark himself in front of him, and their glimmering rings under the dim lights aren’t enough of a reminder. Jaemin finally looks up at Mark, and is surprised to see the sympathy in Mark’s eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jaemin. That must’ve been really shitty.”

Jaemin might have had some sort of stereotype towards Mark, Jaemin realises. Even before, when Jaemin didn’t think Mark and his family would be nice people. Jaemin doesn’t quite know why, but he didn’t expect sympathy from Mark. Mark had grown up in such a perfect household, surrounded by loving family members and cousins who doted on him, so it’s easy to think that Mark wouldn’t understand too much about how exactly having a broken family is. It’s easy for Jaemin to imagine Mark saying but they’re your family? with his confused eyes, as if unable to comprehend that families could be the one that hurt you the most rather than ones that raise you up. It’s easy for Jaemin to hear Mark say maybe they’re doing it for your best? It’s so easy merely because of the stereotype Jaemin holds against Mark because he’s so rich. Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s because when Jaemin tried to explain his family to people, he had been shot with the same reasonings, that he eventually closed himself off. 

Jaemin feels kind of guilty now. He grazes his shoes lightly against Mark’s ankle. “It’s better now that I’ve moved out, honestly.” 

Mark still looks sorry. “Is this marriage also something they forced on you?” Mark must’ve seen the contemplation in Jaemin’s face because he retaliates. “I won’t take offence, Jaemin.”

Jaemin shrugs, studying Mark. Jaemin truly wonders why it’s so easy for him to talk to Mark. “Kind of.” Jaemin can see the way Mark’s facial expression hardens, even when he tries to hide it by ahh -ing. “No, listen-”

“Oh, no. I showed how uncomfortable I felt.” Mark said, in a truly apologetic tone that makes Jaemin laugh.

“Mark, oh God, you’re fine. Listen to me. It was like that at first. They’ve been pressing me to get married, and people I’ve dated obviously didn’t live up to their expectations. Then they said your side is interested, and it just went from there. I kind of had a choice, but not really, y’know?” Mark doesn’t look like he gets it, but Jaemin continues anyways. “But it’s fine. We’re fine. Your family is so nice, anyways. You’re nice. I don’t mind.”

Mark nods, but his expression turns apologetic again. “I’m really sorry, though. You’re stuck with me now.”

Jaemin laughs. “That’s alright. I’m okay with it.” Jaemin fiddles with his ring as he does and Mark’s eyes shoot to the movement before he could stop himself. “Can I ask, though? Why did your family want you to marry me?”

-

It’s dim in the restaurant, light, homey and intimate, although casual. Mark is glad he slipped on his bomber jacket earlier. Jaemin would’ve probably seen the way the hairs on his arms are standing at the question. Should Mark even tell him? It’s a little embarrassing, especially after Jaemin’s revelation that confirmed Mark’s suspicions. Jaemin did say that he’s okay with the marriage now, but it just makes Mark feel so weird even when he tries to not to.

“Um.”

Jaemin is looking at Mark expectantly, his hand cupping his gorgeous face, attentively listening to Mark, like he had been all this while, even when Mark babbled on and on about his own boring family history and living arrangement. It makes Mark like him even more, and Mark doesn’t know what does that make of Mark since Jaemin practically admitted that he’s not into Mark. But his eyes. The way his eyes tinkles as he looks at Mark, the way he gently smiles, the way he had the thought of giving Mark flowers, the way he listens to Mark, the way his shoes are still touching Mark’s own right now. 

The way he’s still looking at Mark, patiently listening, waiting. “Um.” Mark smiles. “The marriage wasn’t as forced as it was on your part.”

-

“What?” Jaemin asks, confused. Then, the waiter comes, bringing both their food and drinks and in all that fuss, it feels like the topic is left behind. Jaemin is so curious, though. So he asks again, as he eats his pasta. “What do you mean earlier?” 

Mark smiles, dismissing him. “Nothing. Let’s just eat.”

Jaemin returns his smile, a little more confused than he had been, but he eats. The talk returns to anything that comes to mind, and Jaemin finds that Mark is a really, really, nice person. 

-

The weeks to the wedding pass by in a blur. Work is not breaking his back, so Mark starts packing his stuff right after he had the discussion with Jaemin about their living arrangement, packing up his clothes, leaving out the ones he needed the most, and packing his books as well as his study table. He gets dragged to cake tasting by his parents, where Mark invites Jaemin there as well, and they had a good time trying out cakes and making fun of the other for liking the strange flavours. Then there’s the wine tasting with Jaemin’s parents, albeit Jaemin wasn’t there, and that was when Mark understands what exactly about Jaemin’s parents that is so overwhelming. Mark didn’t even need to be there for the wine tasting since Jaemin’s parents had their own flavour that they had wanted from the very beginning anyway, so Mark’s opinions didn’t matter. Mark picked out his ring for Jaemin with his mother, much like he did during the engagement, and Mark ended up picking a simple gold band with three small diamonds encrusted at the front. 

Time goes by so quickly with all the preparations, and work, and Jaemin himself that suddenly it’s one week to the wedding, and everyone knows he’s married, and Mark’s room is almost empty, most things already sent to Jaemin’s penthouse in his spare room that Mark will try to unpack somewhere this week. His father has already cried seeing his empty room, while his mom had been teary-eyed every time they see Mark and his engagement ring, and it makes Mark roll his eyes at them, yet also makes him want to hug them. Granny is the only neutral one in the household, going about her way, constantly checking the guest list and her itinerary with the wedding planner, slapping Mark’s back when Mark happens to pass by her. It’s probably nothing new to granny to have yet another person moving out of the household. 

Johnny makes it a point to spend more time with him in the house, and Mark makes it a point to spend time with his nieces and nephews, so that usually ends with both Johnny and Mark babysitting, and sometimes with his friends when they come over because granny called them for their groomsmen duties that is honestly just an excuse for granny to feed them. But Mark isn’t exactly complaining since he gets to see his friends. 

His relationship with Jaemin grew, too. Jaemin is not as aloof as he seems when Mark first saw him, Mark realises. It had just simply required time for them to get closer, and surprisingly even when their time is constrained like this, they managed to somehow get closer. Jaemin texts in emoticons, he tells Mark random shits about his day, he sometimes calls Mark when he’s on his way to work, and on his way back from work, and they try to meet each other once a week ever since the first time they had that date, but dates only worked twice after, and their meetups had been in the form of somehow meeting for wedding preparations. Jaemin brought him flowers the second time for their date too, and the third time Mark gets him flowers merely because Mark feels awfully shy that he’s the one that has been on the receiving end of the flowers. They all contain baby-breaths. 

Mark doesn’t know what to feel about the dates. It’s mostly just hanging out with each other, but the sentiment is kind of romantic unless Mark is reading too deep into this. But c’mon, flowers? It’s getting harder for Mark to convince himself out of thinking this is not romantic when Jaemin looks at him like that, they’re doing this; their shoes touch each other way too long that it ends with ankles bumping into each other sometimes, their hands brush too many times when they walk, Jaemin makes much more efforts in texting Mark first, and they’re getting married, for fuck’s sake. 

But then there’s this. The fact that Mark is aware of Jaemin being forced into this because of his shitty parents. Jaemin is probably just warming up to Mark, which is why he’s texting Jaemin so much frequently and they go on those so-called dates. It’s probably an accident that their shoes and hands touch because Jaemin is probably not aware of things just as Mark is because the difference between them is that Mark has actual, confirmed feelings for Jaemin, and Mark doesn’t know exactly what Jaemin feels. 

So that’s that. Mark tries to forget all of that when he goes to Jaemin’s penthouse that week to at least get a headstart on the unpacking. Mark drives there, and Jaemin is waiting sweetly at the parking garage when Mark arrives in his car, already smiling at Mark as if he could see through Mark’s tinted windows, and it’s just one of the things that make Jaemin even more likable. He’s wearing sweatpants and a football premier league jersey shirt that is kind of a good look on him.

“Hi.” Mark greets when he exits his car. Jaemin replies with the same way, and he leads them up to the elevator to Jaemin’s penthouse. They arrive at the front door, and just before Jaemin punches in his code, he looks at Mark. 

“Uh. The current code is my birthday mixed with my friends’ birthday.” Mark must’ve looked confused because Jaemin shrugs sheepishly. “I don’t really have any important dates in my life so far. My birthday would be too easy for anyone to guess, not just my parents.” 

“Ahh.” Mark says. 

“Point is.” Jaemin says as he punches his code in. 231323*, Mark could see. “I’d like it if we change it since you’re moving in.” 

Mark wrinkles his nose as he steps into the penthouse. “You sure? Your code isn’t exactly hard to remember.”

Jaemin laughs. “Exactly. It’d be a good change. What do you think of our wedding date?” 

Mark ignores how his heart shutters. “That’d be easy for anyone to guess, though.”

“Mix it in with our birthdays and the wedding date then.” Mark suggests.

281331 is what they settled for, and Jaemin promises to change it the next time Mark comes over. 2, 8, 13 are all their birthdays combined, and Mark still remembers the first time they found out they had the same birthday month. Jaemin had been so excited for no particular reason, starting to rant about Leo compatibility that Mark didn’t quite understand, but had listened to anyway since Jaemin seems to be excited about it. Mark pretends it doesn’t warm his heart that Jaemin took the time to think about something as trivial as a passcode. Mark has a feeling Jaemin is feeling some sort of guilt issues for making Mark move out even though Mark is perfectly okay with it, and this is one of his ways to make Mark feel included.

Jaemin lives in a really beautiful place, Mark realises now. Mark has never been here before, and Jaemin doesn’t exactly talk about his place, so Mark didn’t know what exactly to imagine. Mark does know that Jaemin’s place is one of the rich condos, and it really shines through Jaemin’s penthouse although the class that the place exudes might just be Jaemin’s way of decorating the place rather than the penthouse itself. But the big space certainly helps. It’s a two-story. When they entered earlier, there’s a wide, but compact hallway that has a covered rack at the side where Jaemin puts his shoes in, and a large plant at the corner.

Then when you enter more, there’s a vintage console table to the left where there is a bowl of keys, a hanging mirror on top, and one more plant along with several frames of Jaemin with his friends. Mark can’t help but notice none of his family members are framed. There’s a large living room on the right, with beige contemporary sofas surrounding the fireplace, with a large TV on top of the fireplace, and a huge glass door that opens to a balcony. Then there are two little steps where on the right Mark can see two doors, with another console table in between the two doors, and after little steps, it leads to a gold spiral staircase. It’s an open space, so the kitchen is near the console table earlier, divided by bamboo wall dividers. Before the bamboo partition, there’s a glass dining table of five. Mark can see through the dividers that there’s an island in the middle of the kitchen with stools surrounding it. 

It’s gorgeous, definitely. 

Mark points it out, just as Jaemin is giving him the tour of the ground floor. One of the doors earlier is the bathroom, and the other one is Jaemin’s home office. “Your penthouse is really beautiful, Jaemin.”

“Ours now, technically.” Jaemin casually corrects, and honestly why is he like this? Mark doesn’t acknowledge it, instead asking more questions.

“Did you decorate it on your own?”

“Yeah.” Jaemin smiles, eyes beaming, showing the pride he takes in this penthouse. “I’ve been wanting to move out for so long that I had the rough sketch already by the time I raised the idea of moving out to my parents. I’m really proud of how it came together.”

Mark hums in response. They go up the stairs, Jaemin explaining more about his inspiration for the penthouse. Mark can see that Jaemin is really passionate about this. Mark wonders briefly if this was something Jaemin had to give up in order to please his parents too but didn’t raise the question, not wanting to break the light atmosphere. The second floor is just as pretty as the first floor. There’s another living room, with plans randomly scattered. It has another sliding door that opens to a smaller balcony, and it shows the city. Mark can see clutters of dumbbells lying around on the floor, as well as a yoga mat to the side that makes the place so lived in even with how contemporary it all feels. The living room here looks cosier, with sectional sofas and fluffy carpet, a TV with consoles and a bookshelf. There are two doors on the opposite ends, which Mark guesses is where both their bedrooms are. 

Jaemin points to the one on the far left. “That’s my room.” Then to the far right. “That’s yours. The movers the other day had put everything there.” Mark couldn’t be there for the movers since he couldn’t get out of a meeting, and Mark had apologetically asked Jaemin to take care of it, which Jemin brushed off easily. “But if you have anything you wanna put outside you can too.” 

It had been unanimous between them that they wouldn’t share a room. It just was, and Mark didn’t exactly want to raise the idea, afraid of an awkward situation rising instead, so Mark fairly assumed that he’d get his own room, and Mark finally notices the relief he feels when Jaemin actually mentions the room. They enter Mark’s room, and it’s surrounded by boxes and luggage of Mark’s clothes. Mark didn’t bring any furniture with him, since none of it is really ones that he picked, so it doesn’t have a lot of sentimental value to him. Although the room is cluttered with boxes, Mark can already see that the room is bigger than Mark expects. It’s smaller than his room over at granny’s estate, which Mark expects so he doesn’t really care. This penthouse itself is already so much more gorgeous than Mark would ever imagine. There’s a huge bed with black frames and three large windows on its’ right which Mark likes. There’s a study table at the corner, with a vase of baby-breaths in it. Mark remembers seeing the same one in the kitchen too. The room also surprisingly has a walk-in closet, with a glass door, so Mark can see the bathroom door inside the closet. 

“You can buy any furniture you want for the room. Or remove things. Redecorate, whatever. It’s really your room from now on.” Jaemin says, eyes scanning the room as if it’s also his first time seeing the room. 

“You have a walk-in closet inside your spare room?” Mark questions instead because it does seem a little extravagant. 

Jaemin colours a little, shuffling on his feet. “My mum said to do it. In case they ever want to go here or something. Which never happens so you don’t have to worry, but yeah.” When Mark is still looking at him weirdly, although he’s just doing it to tease Jaemin at this point, Jaemin elbows him lightly as he passes him. “Hey. Don’t act like your house doesn’t have any unneeded things anyway.” Mark laughs at that, finding himself argumentless, and he sits crossed legs on the floor, dragging one of the boxes, opening it with the pocket knife he brought earlier. 

“That’s granny’s fault. She’s always doing things to the house. Not my fault. I think it gives her joy to see things change. She doesn’t care that I’m moving out.” Mark shrugs. Jaemin sits next to Mark, opening another box, and Mark doesn’t say anything in how Jaemin chooses to help him. 

“A change is nice.” Jaemin agrees, glancing at Mark. “But it’s good that I have this useless room right? It just happens that you’re moving in.” 

“Hey, I didn’t say it was useless!”

“It was implied.” 

“You read too much into things.” Mark shoots back lightly, taking another box, and knifing it open, his face contorting when it gets stuck between the cardboard. 

“You tell me.” Jaemin says dryly, and Mark gives him a confused look that Jaemin only shrugs at. Jaemin then gets up. “Okay, your pocket knife is obviously not enough for the two of us, and it’s useless--” Mark snorts, forcing the knife even more into the box, and Jaemin shoots him a look of disbelief before shaking his head. “So I’m going to get a real knife. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Iced coffee would be good.” Mark says, glancing at his boxes, and luggage he needs to unpack. 

“Coming, then.” Jaemin goes down, and he returns with two cups of coffee a few minutes after. It’s freshly brewed, and it’s cold, almost jarring to the almost stuffy feeling of the room with all the boxes and random stuff surrounding it the more Mark and Jaemin unpack. It’s still a little bit warm even though they had switched on the AC. They had put on Jaemin’s playlist twenty minutes into unpacking, and Somebody Else by The 1975 plays and Mark feels strangely content even though the song’s lyrics are sad. It’s jarring, much like everything in the room is, much like his relationship with Jaemin, except their relationship both feels so right and so wrong. Mark sometimes catches his eyes looking over at Jaemin, when his eyes happen to pass by him to find something in the mess of boxes, in his Manchester United kit, looking strangely in place in this mess, not even complaining as he helps Mark unpack. Mark then returns back to unpacking, forcing himself to stop thinking. That’s kind of how the rest of the evening goes. Mark’s mind would sometimes drift, and Mark snaps himself back just as quick. 

Although, it’s hard to remove the niggling thought of the wedding being a week away. 

-

Renjun thinks he had somehow known from the very first time he fell for Jaemin that it would’ve fallen to doom anyway. 

But yet. Yet. He still managed to fall, fall, fall, and eventually crumbles to the ground when reality hits in the form of Jaemin smiling brightly at him as he showed off his ring, his lips forming words along the lines of married and getting but Renjun barely registered because at that moment, it felt as if Renjun was swallowed into a blackhole, as if he was dragged into the darkness, and it’s hard to snap back into reality. 

Jaemin is good looking. There’s no doubt about that. He’s fucking gorgeous, and it makes Renjun interested the first time he saw Jaemin, and eventually turns to his knee-buckling when he realised that he was attracted to Jaemin. Renjun and Jaemin had met back in uni, and it was stupid, how they met. Renjun had been in meds and Jaemin in business. So really, technically, they shouldn’t even have met each other since different faculties barely mix together anyway. And technically, Renjun shouldn’t have even known Jaemin before he met him, but he did. Jaemin was kind of popular back in uni. Dubbed as that chaebol from business, you know? and it was easy for Renjun to hear gossip about Jaemin since Jaemin went around dating people a lot during his uni years. Renjun had known later that uni was when Jaemin was free to get to know people without much scrutiny from his parents, but that was another story. The point is, Jaemin had been known in uni, and Renjun had known little bits of him through the grapevine, but they didn’t really know each other, and to be honest, if it weren’t for that fateful day in one of the uni’s cafe then it wouldn’t have happened. 

The way they met was kind of cheesy, the perfect start of a drama, which makes it kind of ironic that the way this story ends is because they haven’t even started. It had been that day when Renjun was having a particularly bad day. He woke up late that morning when he was supposed to go to a clinical visit, so Renjun showed up in the middle of the rounds with a doctor, with disheveled hair and barely passing formal clothes and wrinkled coat that got the doctor targetting Renjun for his questions. Then, when Renjun was done with the visit, thoroughly done with the day already, he had a class he needed to get to so Renjun headed to uni, dropping by a coffee shop before he went to his class. Then like all the gods wanting to strike at Renjun, Renjun apparently happened to forget his wallet, and rationally, Renjun would’ve walked off, but the cafe didn’t have ApplePay because it was a fucking uni cafe, and the cashier had already written Renjun’s name and gave his cup to the barista, which made it practically impossible for Renjun to go. 

That was when he met Jaemin.

Jaemin had noticed Renjun vibrating in practical fear and offered to pay for his drink, which Renjun was eternally grateful for, and when they were waiting by the waiting area, and Jaemin introduced himself, Renjun raised his eyebrows and thought wow he’s good looking, and oh, this is Na Jaemin. Their friendship just kind of blossomed from there, and eventually he’s introduced to Jeno, and they became this really good small group of friends even until now, which is probably why Renjun wants to act like he’s not hurting inside at the thought of Jaemin getting married. Renjun noticed he was interested in Jaemin in the second year of uni, when they had met during the first year, and it all just continued until now. 

Until Renjun is physically retching at the sight of Jaemin in his cream suit, with intricately sewn in patterns at the arms and the pocket, smiling shyly at the fuss on him from Lee Mark’s mother, until Renjun has to excuse himself from the room where Jaemin is getting ready, with the pretence of going to the bathroom. Renjun has to pretend to not see the concerned way Jeno’s eyes snapped towards him as he ducked out of the room so that he can just breathe. 

Is the tie too tight? 

No. Renjun knows it isn’t. But the way his throat constricts, the way his heart is practically crushing inside Renjun, unable to do anything. His breathing feels laboured right now. All the emotions building up that Renjun knows will end up in him crying. He has avoided crying for so long. Renjun cried in the mess room after lunch with both Jaemin and Jeno, where Jaemin had told him about the engagement, but that was it. He didn’t cry when he received the invitation to the wedding, he didn’t cry when Jaemin asked for him to be one of the groomsmen. Point is, he’s been so strong. It’s fucking annoying that the breaking point is actually seeing Jaemin in his wedding suit, when on the way to the mountains, Renjun didn’t feel anything, even though Jeno kept looking at him in concern as he drove. 

But now. Now. When it’s settling in. God, Renjun needs to breathe. 

Renjun finds a balcony and stares out. Okay, he’s crying. 

The wedding is in the mountains. Beautiful location that it seems almost dreamy. Renjun can’t even appreciate that he’s having his off week, no patients, no rushing through the hospital, having requested a break from his supervisor, and his supervisor had been kind enough to approve his leave. Renjun can’t even appreciate the beautiful view, too caught up in his own feelings, too caught up in forcing himself to not cry, and eventually full-blown sobbing his heart out, staring out to the nature that feels like they’re glaring at him for ruining the mood. 

Renjun doesn’t get it. 

It’s not even about feeling like he should be in Lee Mark’s place, because if that’s just it then Renjun thinks he’d get over it sooner. No. It’s the fact that he didn’t even try. He didn’t try, and he forces his feelings in for so long trying to keep his friendship afloat. It’s the fact that Renjun doesn’t know for sure what Jaemin would say if Renjun outright says that he’s fucking in love with Jaemin, and has been for so long. In fact, too long. It’s not the feeling of it should’ve been him because goddamn, Renjun doesn’t think he can even get married when he hasn’t finished residency. It’s more that it could’ve been him. Not the marriage, but the relationship. The relationship between Jaemin and Mark. Renjun knows it’s an arranged marriage. He has only seen Jaemin interact with Lee Mark today before they left each other to get ready, but even then Renjun could see the intimacy. 

The way Jaemin looked at Mark with his shining eyes, that ever-present smile on his face as they admired the wedding venue together, the beautifully decorated aisle and arch, the greeneries and the mountains at the back as the view. The way they didn’t touch each other, but Renjun could see the way they were pressed close against each other and the way their elbows brushed. Renjun could see the almost shy way they interacted, but the strange familiarity. Renjun could see it. Has seen Jaemin crushed on people during uni years, but this was different. As it should be since they’re going to be husbands. 

Even the sound of that leaves a bitter tinge in his mouth. Or maybe Renjun swallowed his tears. Renjun then sees movement and tissue in his vision. Renjun turns, letting out a confused noise through his sobs, and Renjun can see from his blurry eyes that it’s one of Lee Mark’s groomsmen. The reason Renjun knows is because of the colours. Lee Mark’s side is wearing blue, and Jaemin’s side is wearing black. Renjun doesn’t really know any of the people in Lee Mark’s side, Renjun now realises. Renjun does know he has to walk out with a girl from Lee Mark’s side.

“Um.” Renjun sniffles, taking the tissue, feeling the embarrassment starting to seep in. “Sorry. This is probably an ugly sight.” 

The guy looks worried, judging by the crease in his forehead, but his eyes are wide as if shocked. “Uh. No! You look gorgeous!” Renjun can see that he regrets saying it in the way he grimaces after. “I mean--”

Renjun, despite the absurdity of it all, huffs in amusement. “Don’t have to lie, dude.” Renjun wipes his tears, blowing his nose after. “Sorry, I probably have to get to Jaemin now. Groomsman duties and all.” Renjun makes a move to go inside, but the guy stops him. 

“Wait!” The guy says, and his eyes are still widely looking at Renjun. When Renjun raises an eyebrow at him in question. “Can I know why you were crying?” 

Renjun’s silent for a while. He then shrugs. “I was stressed about something.”

“Oh.” The guy says. He’s shuffling on his feet now, awkwardly contemplating. Renjun waves at him in confusion, gesturing inside, and the guy stops him again. “Wait!”

Renjun looks at him again, this time in confusion. “Yes? Are you okay?”

“Can I know your name?” 

Renjun blinks. The guy looks nervous, his body posture defensive like he doesn’t know what to do if Jaemin goes. Renjun shrugs. This guy is so confusing Renjun forgot that he came here earlier to cry. “Huang Renjun.”

The guy steps closer to Renjun. Renjun is still looking at him in confusion. He holds his hand out. “I’m Lee Donghyuck.” 

Renjun blinks again. Renjun takes the hand, shaking it slowly. “Alright. Nice to meet you, Donghyuck-ssi.” Renjun makes another gesture to go inside. Lee Donghyuck stops him. Again. Renjun tries to not lose his temper, keeping in mind that this is probably someone close to Lee Mark, and Renjun doesn’t want it to spread that Na Jaemin has a delinquent as a groomsman. “Is there anything else?” 

“Can I have your number?” Lee Donghyuck blurts out. Renjun blinks, and the anger he feels earlier fades into understanding. “Shit. Sorry, I’m not usually like this. I just--”

Renjun cuts him off, smiling apologetically. “Maybe later? We’ll probably meet each other again later. So, uh, yeah.’

Donghyuck looks defeated, a little embarrassed maybe. “Oh. Alright. Um, yeah. You’re right. Sorry, you can go.” 

Renjun shoots one last smile at Lee Donghyuck before ducking in. 

Huh. 

-

finding our own worlds getting lost, you and i

For all things people say about marriage, no one actually told Jaemin the hardest part of it all. 

It’s anxiousness. The anxiousness of waiting for the event to start, the anxiousness of remembering your vows, the anxiousness of all the eyes on you as you walk down the aisle and their eyes trained on you the whole time you’re on the aisle, the anxiousness of walking down the aisle second after Mark. The anxiousness of it all. 

The thing is, Jaemin has been nervous for this since the very beginning. He had been nervous when he met Mark for the first time, he was nervous when he had his first date with Mark, he had been nervous on their second date, he had been nervous on their third date, he had been nervous when Mark came over for the first time. Baseline is, this should be normal then. But goddamn, it isn’t. All the nervousness he had described earlier had been something that Jaemin managed to overcome, managed to rationalise, managed to be comfortable in since being with Mark has always been chill anyway. But this, as he waits for his turn to walk down the aisle, knowing Mark had walked first before him, knowing his and Mark’s family are already down there, along with the thought of getting married in itself is making Jaemin lose his mind. 

His mother is the one walking him down the aisle today. When she takes Jaemin’s arm in hers, and notices that it’s shaking, she points it out. “You’re shaking, Jaemin.” 

“I know.” Jaemin mutters under his breath. Like, duh? 

His mother then does something she has never done. She comforts Jaemin. She unhooks her arm from Jaemin’s, and rubs his back gently. This is fucking new. Jaemin looks at her in surprise. The surprise must’ve translated to his face, because she sighs. “You’ll be alright, Jaemin. We’re all so proud of you.” 

Jaemin’s first instinct is to say you forced me into this. I’m doing this for you. But then there’s the proud part. The fact that this is the first time she has said that she’s proud of him, and he’s furious again because it takes him marrying someone powerful and rich for his parents to be proud of him. The fact that all his years of hard work throughout school and even work weren’t enough for his parents, but the fact that this was the point that makes them proud of him. Jaemin feels angry. 

But then he thinks about Mark. Sweet Mark who’s waiting down the aisle, sweet Mark who’s waiting for Jaemin, and sweet Mark who’s going to officially be his husband. Mark who Jaemin has inexplicably warmed up to so easily. Mark who Jaemin can talk about the most random things to, Mark who Jaemin exchanges good morning and night texts with, Mark whose family is so nice and raised Mark so well and it translates to how Mark treats people despite his obvious wealth, and Mark who doesn’t let his wealth define him. 

It’s this Mark that somehow, somehow, makes Jaemin don’t mind that it has to be this way because he makes it worth it. 

Jaemin walks down the aisle, and although he had already seen the place with Mark earlier, it feels even more surreal now with people actually looking at him. Jaemin tries to keep the smile on his face, but his eyes keep shifting toward the people, until his mind eventually snaps, reminding him that hey, look, there’s the guy you’re marrying, and Jaemin looks at Mark, and finds that stares from people don’t really matter. The fact that the wedding is going to be publicised will be okay, because, Mark. 

Mark who’s looking at Jaemin, in his white suit, with the pattern slightly different from the one on Jaemin’s own suit, and he’s wearing a vest while Jaemin’s is just with a bowtie. Mark who is gently looking at Jaemin, much like he always is. He’s beautiful, Jaemin thinks. He’s beautiful, and he’s going to be Jaemin’s husband. Mark’s smiling at Jaemin. Gesture so kind and gentle, eyes soft as Jaemin walks down with his mother. Mark’s undercut is more obvious now, as Mark got a haircut a few days back for the wedding, and Jaemin thinks it makes Mark look so much more attractive than he already is. Jaemin doesn’t know when it turned to this. Doesn’t know when exactly the sight of Mark leaves him breathless, almost. Doesn’t know when Jaemin accepted that this could be it. Doesn’t know when exactly it started to feel so right. Maybe it had been their first date. Maybe it had been the second. Maybe Jaemin started accepting it when Mark came over to unpack his stuff. Hell, it could’ve been the first time they met. But maybe it had been culmination of all the times they’ve gotten to know each other, to eventually this.  

Jaemin accepting that he likes Mark, and that it doesn’t matter. The situation, the arrangement. Now that he’s next to Mark. 

His mother shoots him a smile that Jaemin, despite himself, despite the situation, returns. Mark glances at Jaemin, and they start to face each other. It should feel awkward, that they have to look at each other the whole time the officiant starts to speak. Mark starts the declaration to love, comfort, honour, and protect Jaemin as long as he shall live, and Jaemin follows after. The words feel heavy, but Jaemin surprises himself again by realising that he feels some sort of urge to live up to the declaration. Jaemin starts the vow first. It’s the one that Jaemin memorised right until the last second, and Jaemin surprisingly finds writing the vows easier than he thought it was when the idea of marriage was still new. Maybe it’s the memories they shared. Maybe it’s the way Mark’s eyes seem to believe every single words Jaemin say. Then it’s the ring. Both Ahreum and Hyunjin had been the ring-bearer. The ring Mark picked out is beautiful. Jaemin can’t help but mouth it to Mark just as Mark slips the ring into Jaemin’s ring finger. It feels strange that the engagement ring is on Jaemin’s right finger for now since he had been so used to it being on his left ring finger this whole time. Jaemin even instinctively checked for it earlier, and almost got a shock to feel his ring finger empty. The ring Jaemin picked out for Mark had been similar in colour, gold, but the shape is the traditional round one with two diamonds encrusted onto it. 

It is when the officiant says, “You may now kiss the groom.” that it crosses Jaemin’s mind that this is the first time he has kissed Mark. Jaemin doesn’t get to dwell on it much, as Mark leans, and Jaemin does too. Jaemin takes Mark’s hands in his just before their lips touch, and when their lips finally, finally touch it’s brief, and the first thing that comes to Jaemin’s mind is soft, gentle, much like Mark’s demeanour. It feels like a dream. How his focus is solely on Mark, and all of his senses are so sensitive to everything Mark is feeling. Jaemin could see before their lips touched, before Jaemin closed his eyes, the way Mark’s eyes seemed to have a little flicker of something in them. Jaemin can still feel the tremble in Mark’s hand right now, the hotness of his palm, the sweatiness. It makes it all so endearing because Jaemin notices that he’s nervous himself. At this kiss, and  this, their future. Then they pull away, and Jaemin opens his eyes, struck. 

Mark looks kind of stunned too, but it’s quickly wiped by a smile to the crowd. It is only then that Jaemin realises the crowd is cheering. It’s an out of body experience. To have his focus all on Mark, then suddenly whipped back to the world, where his family along with Mark’s are hugging each other, and everyone is cheering on them, and Jaemin could hear Mark’s friends indecently whistling. 

Mark looks happy. There’s a pink tinge on his cheeks that Jaemin could feel on his own too. Their hands are still intertwined. Jaemin tugs on it a little, and Mark looks at Jaemin, already smiling. 

Jaemin thinks: he wouldn’t mind spending his whole life with Mark. 

-

Renjun is just dancing on the dance floor with both Jaemin and Jeno. 

It might’ve been because of the crying. Or the alcohol, or both. But it certainly helped Renjun feel a little bit looser and chill about this whole thing. He can talk to Jaemin during reception without feeling like he wants to cry, and Jeno doesn’t look at him in concern anymore since he sees that Renjun is fending off well. The reception has been going on for hours now, so Jaemin has finished greeting all his guests, which is why Jaemin is able to goof off with them. Jaemin is twirling him as a joke to the upbeat song, and Renjun ignores the way his heart screams at Jaemin’s touch. The three of them then huddle together, just bouncing to the song, and Jeno is just about to lean into the circle to make some stupid joke about something when someone is tapping on Renjun’s shoulder. Renjun unhooks his arm from his friends, and turn to look at the person. 

Renjun doesn’t know him, but he recognises him from Mark’s side. The guy blinks at Renjun, and Renjun stares back, expecting. “Um. Donghyuck is moping right now.” 

Renjun raises his eyebrows at this guy, and the guy must’ve noticed how intimidating Renjun looks because another guy comes bouncing in, and he’s grinning lightly. “Sorry about this guy, he’s too blunt for his own good. I’m Jisung.” Jisung then gestures to the other guy. “This guy is Chenle. Zhong Chenle. Park Jisung. Mark’s friends!” Renjun nods, and Renjun can feel Jeno slinging his arm across Renjun’s back. “And yeah, Donghyuck is moping. You said you’d meet him again.” 

Renjun can see even Jaemin getting interested now, because he fistbumps the two guys, and is excitedly bouncing a little on his feet. Jeno beats Jaemin to asking the question. “When did you meet this Donghyuck guy?”

“Um. Earlier.” Jeno must’ve known immediately what Renjun means, because he hums, and then glances at Jaemin quickly, afraid that Jaemin is going to ask some things. Jeno knew earlier when Renjun rushed out of the waiting room, Renjun had went out to cry. Jeno had even comforted him after, asking various questions like the good person he is, and Renjun brushed him off, not wanting to make a big deal out of his emotions on Jaemin’s wedding day. 

“I didn’t know you and Donghyuck knew each other!” Jaemin shouts. “We all should hang out sometimes, y’know.” Jaemin then seems distracted, and Mark suddenly shows up.  “Oh, Mark, hi!” Jaemin sounds so giddy that Renjun has to look away. Renjun and Jeno finally officially met Mark earlier during the reception. They couldn’t come to rehearsal dinner, and the wedding plan had been so short that the groomsmen were barely involved in it anyway. Renjun can honestly see why Jaemin is taken with Mark. He’s nice, and he looks at Jaemin like he hangs the stars. Renjun looks away.

“Why are you two harrassing them?” Mark asks, and Jaemin snorts, and Mark looks happy for his joke to be acknowledged by Jaemin.

“Chenle was--”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Nah, they weren’t.” Jeno quickly says before it gets out of hand. “But Injun here.” Jeno elbows him, except he doesn’t know how sharp his elbow is so it makes Renjun wince. “Said that he’d meet Donghyuck guy, but still hasn’t, so Donghyuck guy is now sad.”

Mark looks at him in surprise. “I didn’t know you knew Donghyuck.”

Mark’s excitement is hard to kill. He’s like a puppy, God. Renjun waves him off. “No, I don’t. I just met him.” He then turns to look at Chenle and Jisung sharply. “I didn’t say I’d meet him. I said we’d probably meet. Since we’re in the same wedding.” 

“Don’t shoot the messenger!” Chenle says defensively to Renjun’s glare, and Jisung elbowing him. “You heard what Hyuck said anyway!” 

Jisung grimaces. “He did say that.”

Renjun is just about to retort back when Mark interjects. “Sorry, Hyuck’s a little over dramatic at times.” Mark looks truly sympathetic that Renjun wants to look away again. Seriously, what is it with this guy? Is being genuine a talent of his?

Renjun sighs. “Where is he?” 

“He’s by the bar last time I left him.” Jisung shrugs.

Renjun then goes over to the bar. Sure enough, Donghyuck is by the bar. Renjun doesn’t know what’s the definition of moping is for Mark’s friends, but Donghyuck looks kind of, well, normal? Renjun slides into the seat next to him. Donghyuck turns to look at him. Renjun coughs. “Your friends said you were looking for me?” 

“Wha--” Donghyuck first says, but something seems to click, because he groans, and turns red. “Oh my God. Fuck my friends.” Renjun is starting to get where this is going, but he raises his eyebrow in question. Donghyuck groans, mussing his hair in embarrassment. “I was just saying to them that I want to meet you again. I swear I didn’t tell them to, like, fucking hunt you down. God, sorry. You can go. Enjoy the wedding and all.” 

Renjun laughs before he can stop himself. “Well. Now that I’m here.” Renjun shrugs. He orders a drink, and Donghyuck stares at him. Renjun sighs, looking at Donghyuck. “I don’t usually give my number to strangers.” 

Donghyuck blinks at him for a moment, before it clicks. He colours again. “God, sorry. I probably sounded like a creep. I didn’t mean to.” Donghyuck falters for a moment, before sighing. “I was just nervous. And I was only thinking about not seeing you ever again, so uh, yeah.” 

“Any reason why you want to see me again?” Renjun asks. 

Donghyuck shrugs. “You’re cute. Though I think you know that.” 

Renjun feels warm before he could stop himself. “Nooo.” 

“It’s the truth.” Donghyuck shrugs again, and he must’ve noticed how embarrassed Renjun had gotten because he smiles a little. “Can I know why you cried earlier?” 

Renjun considers it for a moment. If Donghyuck is interested in him, then he deserves to know. So Renjun says it. “I used to like Jaemin.” 

Donghyuck whistles. “I was not expecting that.”

“Yeah, well. It’s in the past.”

Renjun thinks Donghyuck must’ve seen through his lie, but he doesn’t press. “So what do you do?”

“Doing my residence right now.” Renjun replies, and his drink comes, so Renjun takes a sip. 

“That’s cool.” Donghyuck gapes. “I’m an architect.” 

“That’s cool too.” Renjun points out, as a joke. 

“This isn’t a competition.” Donghyuck drawls out, and Renjun laughs at that. “But hey, there. We’re not strangers anymore. I know three things about you.”

“I’ve only told you one thing.” Renjun points out. 

Donghyuck is counting off of his fingers. “One, you’re a doctor. Two, you used to like your best friend. Three, you’re a good friend.”

“You don’t know if I’m a good friend or not.”

“Let me find out for myself then.” Donghyuck shoots out as quickly. There’s fire in his eyes, an unmatched determination for something so small. Renjun knows Donghyuck is aware that he’s lying. Donghyuck probably knows that Renjun still likes Jaemin. But that fire. Renjun has been pining on Jaemin for so long that he barely bats an eye to other people. It feels like it’s been so long since someone has shown interest in Renjun. Or Renjun has just declined enough people with the foolish hope that Jaemin would finally acknowledge his feelings. This feels so new. 

Maybe it makes Renjun a bad person that he gives Donghyuck his number when he’s not sure when he’d get over Jaemin. But maybe it makes Renjun a good person to himself.

And honestly? After all this time? This is the only thing Renjun cares about. 

-

Mark and Jaemin settle into the married easily enough, and it’s surprising to Mark.

It’s not awkward, as it should, since they have gotten comfortable with each other in the short two months they had known each other, and having their whole life in front of them to get to know each other more shouldn’t mean that their relationship should deter. And it doesn’t, thank God.

Mark must’ve had some sort of fear that he didn’t even know existed. Mark realises just as he wakes up the first day in Jaemin’s penthouse that the some sort of unknown fear that Mark felt was that Jaemin would return back to his aloof self when they had first met, which is kind of stupid now that Mark thinks of it. Because throughout the two months they’ve known each other Jaemin has been nicer than he had been distant, so Mark doesn’t know why he even had that fear. Maybe it’s because he was scared Jaemin would get more intimidated at the thought of officially being husbands now, and it’d result in him closing off.

It hadn’t been like that when Jaemin and Mark woke up in the hotel. Their wedding venue had a hotel, so all of them had stayed there for the night, and naturally Jaemin and Mark shared a room. They had been so exhausted from the wedding that Mark passed out just after he washed up, and Jaemin had done the same. It wasn’t a big deal for them to share a bed at that time because they had simply been too exhausted anyway so it didn’t matter. They woke up in the afternoon the day after, and it still wasn’t a big deal that they shared a bed, and then they had been given a ride by one of Mark’s drivers to Jaemin’s penthouse, and the car ride was long, so when they arrived at Jaemin’s penthouse, they had just lazed around the rest of the night, binge-watching Bon Appetit's videos on YouTube at the living room on the second floor. They both retired to bed early too, and it hadn’t been something to think about either. 

Which is why it’s kind of weird that it’s only now that Mark feels some kind of nervousness. Maybe it’s because the festivities of the wedding has officially worn off. Maybe it’s because the sun is peeking through the curtains, reminding him of the day ahead. They both had taken the week off from work, even though they’re not going to their honeymoon yet, so it’s Monday. Their wedding had been on Saturday. Maybe it’s because it’s Monday. The reminder of a new start, the reminder that they’re really, officially, husbands now. It’s written in the papers.

Mark goes down the stairs to the kitchen to find Jaemin cooking breakfast, and it dawns on Mark that nothing has changed. As it should. Mark looks at Jaemin’s wedding and engagement ring pressed together on his left ring finger, and looks at his, and thinks: God, this is it. 

“Good morning.” Mark greets, and Jaemin looks up from the pancake, already smiling back at Mark. He’s still in his shorts he wears to sleep and a sweater. Mark remembers Jaemin telling him that he gets cold when he sleeps despite the weather. Mark remembers telling Jaemin to decrease the temperature of his AC that Jaemin rolls his eyes at. 

“Hey, morning. Look, we don’t have to text each other this anymore.” Jaemin jokes, as he flips the pancake, and when it looks kind of ugly, it elicits a laugh from Mark that Jaemin kicks his feet for. Jaemin’s feet are cold, unlike the rest of the house. The AC isn’t on, so the windows are opened, and Mark can see sunlight streaming in, giving the house an almost golden hue, giving this morning a more magical setting than it should have. 

Mark opens the fridge, and takes out the berries, washing them, and cutting them to be displayed in a bowl for them to eat. They eat their breakfast on the island, making plans for the week, and deciding when exactly they’re going to go to their honeymoon since Jaemin’s parents are pressing him to, since they want to fund the honeymoon as a wedding gift. They talk about the wedding as if it was one that they attended rather than their own wedding, and they just talk. 

Mark doesn’t remember the last time Mondays had been this good.

-

On Tuesday evening, they go on a date. 

They don’t call it a date. But it kind of is. 

Jaemin doesn’t know why he suggests it. But Mark had asked what they should do during the week, and Jaemin’s heart practically melted at the sound of we, that the first thing he suggests that reminds him of we is to go to the cafe Jaemin had bought Mark flowers for on their first date, and Mark had been chill, so here they are, in Mark’s car, but with Jaemin driving it because Mark doesn’t know the place Jaemin is taking him.

“This is the first time I let someone else drive my car.” Mark admits when they get into the car. 

Jaemin, in the middle of fastening his seat belt. “Huh? Well, I’m honoured then.” Mark still looks concerned, but he doesn’t really argue back, so Jaemin says again. “I’m your husband, trust me, Mark.”

Mark’s face contorts in disbelief at Jaemin’s argument, and Jaemin laughs. Mark’s car is pretty nice, so Jaemin understands where he’s coming from. It’s the Mercedes C200, classy and sheek, and definitely one of the dead giveaways of Mark’s wealth. 

Jaemin starts to drive. “Calm down, Mark. I’m a good driver. I’ve driven us for our dates, remember?”

Mark laughs. Jaemin can see from the corner of his eyes how Mark’s feet shuffle a little. “You say that like it wasn’t just the last two weeks. Of course I remember.”

Jaemin sheepishly smiles. Banters with Mark are always so fun. He knows how to reply just as wittily and he knows how to take a joke. Jaemin thinks it’s odd how comfortable they are with each other. How odd it is, but how right it is.. Jaemin probably needs to address it soon. What they truly are. They go on dates and do romantic shits with each other. Yet they don’t share a bedroom, and have only kissed once during the wedding and goddamn, even that Jaemin can’t stop thinking of. Their hands have only touched when Jaemin took it before their kiss. They lie on the sofa together to watch cooking shows and movie commentaries, and it feels so right, but Jaemin wants more. If Jaemin looks even closely, he’d notice that it’s been like this ever since the first date. Jaemin wants so much more. Which is kind of odd to begin with since they’re married, so technically of course they’re romantically involved. But his and Mark’s marriage was built upon business deals and privilege, and they’ve only known each other for two months, for fuck’s sake. 

Jaemin doesn’t know what’s too early or what’s too late for them since their timeline isn’t very conventional to begin with. Jaemin doesn’t know what they are although on papers they are lawfully wedded husbands.

The drive to the cafe is filled with random talks they always manage to come up with. They talk about how they should get a bigger shoe rack for the front door since Mark’s essentials can’t fit with Jaemin’s own shoes essentials at the front door. They talk about grocery shopping, and their meal plans for the week and the week after. The radio is softly playing, connected to Jaemin’s phone since Mark insists on using Jaemin’s playlist, and Jaemin lets him. It crosses his mind that he trusts Mark enough to have Mark know his phone password. Jaemin’s playlist playing creates an even more intimate feeling to the already intimate car. 

Jaemin feels like Spring is seeping through his lungs, filling him in slowly the more he is with Mark. Life used to be Winter. Gloomy and dark, and filled with events and galas for his family to attend. But Spring slips through his cracks in the form of Mark, and suddenly it feels like Winter could be beautiful too. It feels like Winter could instead be hot chocolate in front of the fireplace and exchanging gifts under the soft glow of light. Suddenly, it feels like everything has its’ own beauty. Everything has its’ own Spring.

It’s mad that Jaemin has never felt anything like this for someone, ever. And what is his luck that the first person he feels this way about is already his husband? Jaemin doesn’t know if that makes his luck good or not. 

They arrive at the cafe soon after, and Jaemin is happy to note that Mark looks as happy as Jaemin felt the first time he had been there. Jaemin had gone here a few times after the first time, getting flowers for their dates, which had become a tradition without realising. The girl that served Jaemin the other day had turned out to be the owner, and her name is Sooyoung. Speaking of, she waves at Jaemin the moment Jaemin enters. Mark looks around for a while, so Jaemin approaches Sooyoung.

“You’re back!” Sooyoung greets. She then hands the flowers Jaemin had ordered earlier. It is a date, so flowers should be in the books, right? Sooyoung the glances at Mark who is admiring the flowers at the centre table. “Is that your fiancée?”

Jaemin colours a little “Um. Husband now.”

Sooyoung’s eyes widen. “Oh my God. You guys are the ones whose wedding went viral.” Jaemin shuffles on his feet, and Mark, noticing that Jaemin is by the counter, approaches him. “You’re Lee Mark. Of course. God, how did I not realise?”

“Noona.” Jaemin softly whines, and Sooyoung waves him off. Their wedding had been publicised after the wedding. There had only been the littlest amount of reporters invited, which Jaemin thinks his mother would’ve argued to invite more if only it wasn’t granny who had insisted. So few articles had been published, but the reason their wedding went viral was because someone found their wedding photographer’s Instagram, and one of the pictures posted had been one of their kiss, beautifully edited, with mist and mountains surrounding the picture. It did look romantic, so really Jaemin shouldn’t be too surprised. 

Sooyoung waves him off. “I’m just surprised I didn’t know! I knew the Jaemin name was familiar, but there’s a ton of Jaemins.” Sooyoung clicks his tongue, poking at Jaemin. “Of course you’re the one.” Jaemin only colours shyly at the meaning behind that. Jaemin turns to look at Mark and sees the confused look on his face. Sooyoung quickly introduces herself before Jaemin could. “Sooyoung! Heard a lot about you from Jaeminnie here.”

Mark smiles back at Sooyoung. “Lee Mark. Good things I hope?”

“Of course!” Sooyoung replies, winking at Jaemin. Jaemin rolls his eyes exasperatedly. He hasn’t even told much to Sooyoung. There are small talks at times about Mark, and where they go for their dates, but that had been it. Jaemin knows Sooyoung is just pulling his leg. 

They then order, and sit somewhere. Jaemin finally hands Mark the bouquet Sooyoung prepared earlier. Mark looks surprised as he takes the bouquet. Jaemin shrugs, smiling slightly. “She’s the one who prepared all the bouquets I’ve given you.”

Mark looks touched, and he smells it. It’s more out of habit more than anything. Flowers don’t really smell of anything, and Mark probably knows that. “Thank you. That’s really nice of you.” Jaemin is transported back to the first time Mark said it. Mark smiles at Jaemin, then softly says. “I really like this tradition.”

Jaemin grins. Jaemin remembers the time Mark picked Jaemin up for once, and gave him a bouquet too. It was a nice feeling too. In the long run, giving bouquet for every date might be a waste in how they’ll store the flowers in the penthouse that is already overwhelmingly full of Jaemin’s own house plants. 

However, the fact that Jaemin is even thinking of long run makes something in Jaemin’s heart warm. 

They stay in the cafe all afternoon to evening. Just talking, and drinking, and they coloured in the book Jaemin had brought with him. After saying goodbye to Sooyoung when the night is already sinking into the sky, they go grocery shopping and they cook healthy food when they got home, and eat while watching a movie commentary.

All Jaemin thinks of is wow, it’s fucking domestic, and Jaemin could bask in this bliss for so long. 

-

Bliss doesn’t last long, Mark realises.

The week off from work was everything Mark needed and more. The whole week had practically been the two of them just lounging around, cooking and trying out new recipes for dinner, and going out when they don’t feel like it. It had been Mark and Jaemin just hanging out in front of the TV, reading, and warmly snuggling into their blankets. It had been exploring parks and gardens they haven’t been to, and going to one exhibition that one time. There had also been one instance where Jaemin dragged Mark to go workout with him, and they ended up laying out yoga mats on the second floor, with the TV playing a HIIT workout YouTube that Mark barely survived after being inactive for almost two weeks. Jaemin then pointed out that they both should really get to working out again that Mark panted his agreement to.

It was good, despite that,  so when the next Monday rolls around, they’re thrust back into the busy life that is work, and it feels like everything is taken away from him. 

But yet. Yet, as life progresses, Mark realises this is different than all the other weeks in his life. It’s different, it’s content.

Both him and Jaemin have established a routine of eating breakfast and dinner together. When they are not swarmed with work, or isn’t dragged out by coworkers or friends, he and Jaemin even go get lunch together. If they’re lazy in the morning, they would just brew coffee depending on whoever gets to the kitchen earlier, and if they’re not lazy, they cook, or heat up some leftovers that granny occasionally asks someone to send. Then dinner would be either eating out or cooking together. Weekends would then be just going to random and cool places they find on Instagram, checking out the current buzz or trends, or just lounging around at their penthouse, where they eventually warmed up to the idea of cuddling, so sometimes Jaemin’s head is just resting on his chest just as they watch something on TV.

It’s so fun.

Mark used to not have anything to look forward to in his life. For the longest time, his life had just been the cycle of going to work, going home, and repeat. For the longest time, it had just been making plans with his friends, and having that to look forward too, but when that’s over Mark goes back to work. 

But now with this marriage, he has a whole person and whatever agenda they have to look forward to. It makes Mark force himself to chill a little at work. To sometimes force himself to be productive the whole time at work so that he doesn’t have to stay longer than needed at work, so that he can arrive in time so he and Jaemin can cook together. And when his work is still not done, he manages to convince himself that it’s alright, and he can continue tomorrow, and he’s usually right. For the longest time, Mark’s life had been a cycle he didn’t think he could get out of, and suddenly Jaemin comes crashing in, and life feels better.

Life has always been good for Mark. He has a loving family, a trusted group of friends, and he doesn’t have to worry about having food in his mouth or about not having money. Mark has always been blessed with that, but life had just been stilted, in some ways. As if stuck. Mark didn’t realise there was something wrong with it until this marriage with Jaemin comes crushing in, and suddenly it gives Mark the motivation to move forward. 

Then there’s the our and we. It’s subtle at first. Jaemin had always been clear with how he thinks of the penthouse. Jaemin frequently asks Mark during their phone call after work things like, “when are you gonna be home?” He mentions things even Mark misses out sometimes. Like when they bought groceries the other day, and Mark passed by the toothpaste aisle, and Jaemin grabbed the toothpaste he uses, randomly saying: “I noticed you’re almost running out of them at home.”

It’s weird. That Jaemin takes notice of such things when they don’t even share a room. But Jaemin takes notice, because he cares, and Mark has learned to accept that Jaemin cares for him as much as Mark does for him. Sometimes Jaemin stays in the bathroom while Mark brushes his teeth and floss for the night merely because Jaemin doesn’t want to go back to his room yet, and just wants to talk, and it’s so wholesome that it’s almost with regret that Jaemin goes back to his own room. Maybe that’s when Jaemin takes notice of those things. 

It’s celebrating their wedding date, every month, like they’re a couple, which they are, technically but they haven’t talked. They haven’t kissed ever since the first time, and touches come from a casual grab of an arm that Mark tries to act like it doesn’t affect him. Then it’s things like casually buying flowers for each other, and the air of romance in the air that sometimes suffocates Mark because they don’t address it. Then it’s things like walking around a furniture shop for no particular reason, and pointing out to a furniture, and Jaemin grabbing his arm, saying: “Mark, that looks just like the mirror at home!” It’s Jaemin texting him for last minute grocery run, asking: “Do we need more spinach?”

Then it’s their first shared birthday. First in the penthouse when Jaemin had surprised Mark with breakfast in bed for Mark’s birthday, and they had lunch together where Jaemin bought Mark flowers because they’re a little clingy, without wanting to admit it. Then they had a birthday dinner over at granny’s estate that had been so wholesome even with Jaemin’s parents being a downer. Then during Jaemin’s birthday, Mark had arranged breakfast outside on the balcony, and they had lunch together, and a surprise birthday party for Jaemin that had also been a surprise for Mark, too. Even their birthdays became a them thing.

It’s the we’s, the our’s. The home. 

It feels like a change. A change so good Mark wants it to stay. 

Before, it feels like all he truly needs is a break from work to feel that bliss.

But really, Mark realises he just needs Jaemin.

It leaves Mark kind of scared at the thought of needing someone so much.

-

The hangout with Jaemin’s friends happens eventually.

They’ve been promising it so much that sometimes it’s a little unbelievable and is more out of obligation and formalities rather than an actual invitation. But Mark knows he wants to get closer to Jaemin’s friends, and he wants Jaemin to get closer to his, so Mark suggests it to Jaemin on Friday when they are eating breakfast together. Mark prepared their breakfast this morning, just some toast and egg, along with smoked salmon. 

“Hey, are your friends up to hang out tomorrow for drinks?” Mark asks. Jaemin looks up from reading his emails to look at Mark. “My friends want to meet them officially, and I’d love to get to know them.”

“Oh!” Jaemin says, blinking, then smiling at Mark sunnily. “Yeah! I’ll ask them. If they don’t want to, I’ll force them to come anyway.”

Mark laughs at that. “You don’t have to, but it’d be nice.”

So that’s how they end up heading out the next night. Jaemin looks so good. He’s in a tight skinny jeans that rips indecently at the thighs, and one decent rip on the knee. He’s wearing a black tee with some band logos that Mark doesn’t recognise, and a leather jacket that reminds Mark of the first time they had went on that date. Mark looks down at his denim jacket and decent jeans

“Dude, no fair. You look good.” Mark says to Jaemin when Jaemin walks down the stairs. Mark had finished gotten ready earlier, so Mark waited downstairs.

Jaemin looks pleased at the compliments judging by the way he preens and spins in front of Mark. “Mark, don’t have to be jealous. You have me to yourself. I’m your husband.”

Mark’s heart beats faster than it needs to at the words. Jaemin is always doing that now. He casually drops the fact that they’re husbands as if Mark would ever forget, and as if it’s not one of those things that makes Mark stay up thinking about it, and as if both his engagement and wedding ring on his left ring finger that Mark wears everyday are not enough. Just the other day, he had said something of similar sentiment. When they were going out, and Mark pointed out the skateboard he sees, and Jaemin said: “Your husband has one of those in his garage.”

Jaemin talks about himself in third person, and it’s both endearing and frustrating because it’s cute, but it leaves something more to be desired than some words in papers. 

Mark forces himself to not think of it when he drives him and Jaemin to the bar they’re meeting the others at. He pretends to not notice the delicious way Jaemin’s thighs are displayed, and Mark feels so constricted in the car with Jaemin’s overwhelming presence that Mark actually feels relieved when they arrive at the bar. Mark usually can get himself to stop thinking about Jaemin, no matter how frequently it comes up. Mark doesn’t know why tonight makes it so hard. 

Well, Mark kinda knows.

To be perfectly frank, Mark’s just horny. It’s been too long since he has gotten any action, and infidelity is not really something they discuss in their marriage, and honestly, if it ever comes up, Mark wouldn’t want to anyway, and would just fucking hope that Jaemin share the same sentiment. His left hand can only do him good for so long before Mark is craving for some touch from a real person. The fact that Jaemin looks so good tonight makes Mark want to bail out on the plans and just fucking jerk off the night away, but he can’t because he was the one who came up with the plan. 

Mark forces himself to think of disgusting things, and to ignore the warm heat of Jaemin’s body pressed against him as they walk to the bar. They find a seat enough for all of them, and wait for their friends. Jaemin’s friends come together. Mark can’t help noticing that Jaemin’s friends are truly good looking. They catch eyes just as they enter the bar, because of the aura they exude. Jeno is nice, able to talk about random things, and Renjun is subdued and only speaks when he thinks it’s needed, or something he’s interested in. It might’ve been Mark’s weird mood that night, but Mark notices the way Renjun seems to glance at the little space between Mark and Jaemin, and the rips of Jaemin’s jeans. 

Mark forgets about it soon enough since his friends show up. Donghyuck makes a point to sit next to Renjun, and Mark still doesn’t know what is up with them. Chenle and Jisung fistbumped Jaemin’s friends as if they’ve known each other for long, and they all reciprocated, seeming to be relieved that Mark’s friends are a little bit more shameless than they are.

They all get along well, Mark realises. Donghyuck has always been a people person, so he easily talks to all of them without excluding anyone, telling jokes that Jisung usually has the punchline too. Renjun who had been subdued earlier seems to open up more under the influence of alcohol and the jokes around the table, but it could be because of whatever he has going on with Donghyuck. Jeno seems to laugh at everything, so it eggs Mark’s friends on even more; Chenle telling anecdotes from the time they had been friends that has Jaemin looking at Mark in both awe and disbelief, and Jisung and Donghyuck adding on when necessary. Jaemin’s friends tell him about their anecdotes too, and even that has Mark giggling, and Jaemin defending himself.

Mark limits his drinks just so he can still drive him and Jaemin home, and take care of his friends, but that also means that he still notices things. As the night goes on, the already little gap between him and Jaemin turn into almost none, so their body heat is practically pressed against each other. Jaemin’s a touchy and giggly drunk. So he keeps taking Mark’s hand, and putting them on his thighs, as if he knows the impact it has on Mark, and when Mark manages to pull away, Jaemin makes it a duty for him to touch Mark anywhere his hand can reach. When Mark discreetly pushes Jaemin’s hand away for Mark’s own good, Jaemin makes it a point to let Mark know that he’s a little angry at Mark in how he pouts, but he forgets he’s angry, and ends up touching Mark more, and the cycle continues until Mark eventually lets him. Jaemin also does this thing where he fiddles with Mark’s rings that even Mark can’t get annoyed at since the sentiment of it is just so good. 

By the time the night comes to an end, Jeno and Mark are the only ones who are not drunk, since he also has to drive Renjun back, so when he helps drag Mark’s friends to Mark’s car, Jeno says to Mark: “I think you’re really good for Jaemin.”

Mark blinks at that. Renjun is already in Jeno’s car, so it’s just the two of them. “Oh. Thank you.”

Jeno’s eyes turn soft, and his feet shuffles a little against the pavement. “And Renjun deserves more than Jaemin could give to him. Jaemin might be able to give more to you. If not all.” Jeno then smiles, and waves goodbye before Mark can say anything. 

Mark enters his own car, and is greeted by Jaemin still awake. Mark can hear his friends already snoring at the back. Mark is glad his friends agreed earlier that Mark could just drop all three of them at Donghyuck’s place. Mark’s mind is too all over the place to drive all three of them around town anyway. 

“Markie.” Jaemin whines as a greeting, and he caresses Mark’s thigh as Mark starts to drive. Mark lets him. Mark lets him because he wants to indulge. Because he thinks what Jeno said might just confirm to the unsaid suspicions earlier. “What were you and Jeno talking about? Was he talking bad about me?”

Mark, despite himself, laughs. “No. We could never.”

“I think you just complimented me.” Jaemin murmurs, words slurred. His eyes look sleepy already. He then notices the unfamiliar road because he shoots up. “Where are we going?”

“Sorry I didn’t tell.” Mark apologises gently. Mark gestures to his friends at the back. “Gotta send them off first before we go back home.”

“Aaaah.” Jaemin says. He then turns to look at Mark’s friends. He quickly whips out his phone to take pictures of the three of them huddled up together. “They’re so cute.”

“If they’re so cute, they’d know better than to pass out drunk.” Mark retorts, and Jaemin, hand still on Mark’s thigh, slaps him. “Ow! You have way too much strength for a drunk person.”

“So mean, Markie.” Jaemin slurs out. He then sighs. “Can I still know what you and Jeno talked about?”

Mark shrugs, deciding it couldn’t be any harm. They are married. If Jaemin wants to tell this to Mark, then he should. “Us good for each other. Renjun.”

“We are good.” Jaemin mutters, and his hand starts to softly caress Mark’s thigh. It then stops. “Renjun?”

“Mhm.”

“Did he tell?”

“About what?”

Mark can feel Jaemin hesitating, before sighing, mumbling under his breath. “Renjun liking me. Or used to like me. I’m pretty sure Renjun likes Hyuckie there.”

Mark thinks back about the glance at Mark and Jaemin. About the way Renjun’s eyes lingering on Jaemin’s thighs. Mark can feel his hold on the steering wheel tighten. But Mark thinks of the way Renjun laughs at everything Donghyuck says. About the way Renjun talks more with Donghyuck. About the way Renjun looks at Donghyuck with starry eyes. Maybe.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark asks gently, because he truly is curious.

Jaemin shrugs. “Why would I? It shouldn’t be a big deal to you. You’re my husband. Not him. And Renjun was not gonna do anything anyway.” They’re at Donghyuck’s apartment complex just as he says it, and the security knows him so he lets Mark in.

“That’s true.” Mark laughs as he parks. Mark then takes a deep breath, and he lays his hand on top of Jaemin’s hand that is on Mark’s thigh. Mark looks at Jaemin. Jaemin blinks back softly, his eyelids drooping. “Hey, I have to send these guys up--”

“Can I kiss you?” Jaemin doesn’t wait for Mark’s reply, because he suddenly leans in, and plants a kiss on Mark’s lips. How quick something inside Mark blazes open is how fast Jaemin pulls back. Jaemin leans back on his seat. He then pats Mark’s thigh. “Y’should go, Markie. I’ll guard the car.”

Mark freezes, feeling like he has been thoroughly trolled. But Jaemin’s drunk. So Mark excuses it, and sends his friends up. By the time Mark gets in the car again, Jaemin is already sleeping, and when they arrive at their penthouse, Jaemin goes straight to bed after Mark forces him to drink water and change into something more comfortable.

The next day, Jaemin doesn’t mention it. So Mark doesn’t either.

 -

They go on that honeymoon eventually. Before they know it, almost six months have passed since their wedding, and celebrate the six months by actually going to a fancy dinner at a hotel. With both of them giving each other flowers because of course. They go to the honeymoon the day after the six months since their wedding, and after work, they quickly changed, and a driver granny sent took them to the airport.

Mark’s family and friends had been there because of course they were, and Jaemin’s friends had been there too. No one points out that Jaemin’s parents aren’t there, but the absence can be felt.

“You know you don’t actually have to come.” Jaemin hears Mark grumble to granny. Jaemin then turns to look at them just in time to see Mark’s parents slap Mark’s back which Mark winces at. “What?! A hassle!”

Johnny then slides next to Mark, flicking his forehead. “Be grateful, you ashole.” You’d think Johnny was reprimanding Mark, but then he says. “They were gonna bring the whole family to escort you two.”

Jaemin hears Mark grumble even more, and Jaemin fondly laughs, then turning his attention toward his friends. Renjun is scrolling through his phone, with Donghyuck next to him, looking at Renjun’s phone too with his chin hooked onto Renjun’s shoulders. So Jeno is the one to give Jaemin a look. “Okaaay, Jaem.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. They kind of know the gist of the situation since Jaemin couldn’t suppress it all this while without losing his mind. “Stop.”

Jeno contorts his face in annoyance. “You really gotta talk to him.”

Jaemin hums, bouncing on his feet. “Yeah, I know. I’ll try.” Jeno pats his back proudly, and Jaemin can’t help but smile at Jeno. 

Renjun then shouts at Donghyuck, elbowing him. “See, I told you!” 

Donghyuck winces and pinches Renjun’s side. “Whatever.” Renjun smiles sheepishly at Donghyuck, and Donghyuck pokes his cheek. 

Renjun and Donghyuck have grown closer ever since Mark and Jaemin’s wedding and the bar. There’s sort of a silent agreement between them to not talk about Renjun’s feelings toward Jaemin, a mutual agreement to put everything aside so Renjun can move on. Jaemin doubted at first if that was a good choice, for once wanting to confront Renjun on it as the months passed because it had felt too cruel to not acknowledge it at all. But judging by how Renjun seems like he’s moving on, Jaemin thinks it’s a good idea now. Maybe they will eventually have the talk. When everything has passed, and they can joke around with the idea of Renjun having had those feelings instead.

Jaemin didn’t know at first why his friends wanted to send him off since he would just be going for a week anyway, and they had definitely gone longer without Jaemin back when Jaemin used to handle the overseas deals. But Jaemin knows now. It could be because they’re good friends and all, but Jaemin has the feeling that Jeno wants to send him off because he wanted to convince Jaemin to talk about it with Mark one last time. Jeno has been pushing Jaemin to do it ever since Jaemin admits to having feelings for Mark, but still not having any progress with it, and this is just one of his ways to do it. Jeno has always been the one who cares for everyone in the group. While, Renjun, well. Renjun had just because Donghyuck had been there too, because usually, Renjun uses his off days to the fullest. Apparently, fullest means Donghyuck now.

Mark and Jaemin say goodbye to the people sending them off, and board their flight to Malaysia. Without realising, their marriage has slipped from Spring, into the cracks of Summer, to eventually Autumn. Without realising, their marriage had gone through three seasons, with everything around them changing, adapting, except for their relationship’s status: married with a hint of romance, but definitely no sex and kissing. Jaemin should really talk to Mark about this. Has a day gone by without Jaemin thinking of touching Mark in some ways? Jaemin doesn’t want to answer that. It’s not even just about touching. It’s reciprocation. It’s validation that Jaemin needs more. 

They picked Malaysia. Merely because Mark said he has been to Europe countless times, and Jaemin has too when he went on a boys’ trip with Jeno and Donghyuck right after Jeno and Jaemin graduated. Jaemin still remembers how Renjun lugged around his school stuff because he was still not done with his fourth-year essay for the year. It had been a good trip, and they explored a lot, so Europe was out because they were just not interested in going to other countries in Europe they have never been to. 

Then they considered USA, but Jaemin was not interested in that at all that the idea was thrown away as quickly as it had been formed. That was when picking countries in Asia come in mind. At first, it was Bali, the classic honeymoon location, but Mark, of course, had been there, and Mark didn’t mind going again, but Jaemin didn’t want to be led while he was there, in the end, it was Malaysia.

They’re not going to be in the capital for the first two days. They planned their stay at Port Dickson first for four days, three nights, then they’ll go back to Kuala Lumpur for the rest of the week. It sounds like a perfect plan of relaxation, and to be honest, Jaemin is excited, even with whatever the eventual confrontation will bring. 

They get the business class seats, and Jaemin sighs as soon as his butt touches the seat. It’s not too comfy, but it will do for the rest of the six hours flight. The fact that hey had work that day had certainly helped in Jaemin being exhausted. They even stayed up a little the night before for their six months, too caught up in each other’s presence to notice the night slowly slipping by. So really, all Jaemin wants to do is to sleep the whole way. 

But then Mark says: “Wanna watch a movie together?”

Jaemin, hopeless, and unable to say no to Mark replies: “Yeah, of course.”

So they start their movie on their respective screens at the same time, and that took multiple tries to get it in sync that it makes Jaemin laugh when Jaemin takes Mark’s earphones and hears the audio not matching Jaemin’s. They eventually get it though, and Mark lifts the seat barrier between them so that their bodies touch. Jaemin can feel the heat. Then, warmth, familiarity. 

Jaemin takes Mark’s hand in his before he can stop himself. Jaemin can feel Mark freezing for a second, and Jaemin thinks Mark might even start sweating although the airplane is cold. “Is this okay?” Jaemin whispers, as if scared others will hear them, although no one pays more attention to them than they do between themselves. 

Mark responds by squeezing their attached hands. “Yeah, of course.” The movie starts for some time, before getting interrupted by the captain speaking and for the safety procedures. Jaemin listens, more out of habit than anything, until Mark eventually calls for him. “Hey.”

Jaemin shuffles closer to Mark, then gently says. “Hm?”

“I’m really excited about this.” Mark says softly, and Jaemin smiles. Because he is. This feels like the next step. In some inexplicable ways. Maybe they both had the same approach to this trip.

“Me too.” 

The plane takes off. Jaemin rests his head on Mark’s shoulders during the first movie, and their fingers are still intertwined. Mark takes a bathroom break, and when he gets back, they start a second movie. Jaemin still rests his head on Mark’s shoulder, and Mark still doesn’t mind.

-

The resort they’re staying in Port Dickson is almost four hours away from the capital. They didn’t sleep at all on the plane, so they slept in the car. Mark assures him that it’s alright to sleep in the car, and no, Jaemin, don’t worry we won’t get kidnapped, because the guy picking them up is someone Mark’s family trust, having used his service when they were in Malaysia before, and yes, Jaemin, I made sure with Aunty that this guy isn’t a catfish. Silence. Yes, I took a picture of him and sent to Aunty, calm down, jeez. So they sleep in the car, and before they know it, they arrive at the resort somewhere around midnight.

The resort is gorgeous. It’s big, and the resort boasts a view of the wide ocean ahead. They quickly check-in, and this was when Jaemin truly sees Mark’s English in action. Jaemin knows Mark is good in English, having let it slip once or twice, and Mark’s own western name is a dead giveaway to how good Mark is. Mark has told him once in passing that he lived somewhere in Canada once for two years, and that was why he had gotten so fluent. That was also the time Mark had let slip that he actually has a Korean name, but he has yet to tell Jaemin. 

By the time they take the buggy to their room, the tiredness has mostly faded away from Jaemin that he can enjoy the way the buggy shakes against the wooden flooring of the bridge connecting the rooms. Jaemin can smell the fresh air, and although you can barely see the ocean since it’s so dark, Jaemin can smell it in the way it’s a little salty and can hear it in how the water splashes against the houses. Malaysia is only one hour behind from Korea so jet lag isn’t there, and Jaemin is able to fully soak in the calmness of it all. Mark does too, judging by how he’s leaning against Mark, soft and pliant. Mark’s wearing his glasses, and his hair is all mussed up from sleeping on the car, and before Jaemin can stop himself, he runs his fingers through Mark’s hair that Mark doesn’t bat an eye to, simply sighing softly in contentment.

They arrive at their hotel, and they tip the guy who drives the buggy generously, which he seems grateful for. Mark whistles just as he walks into the room. The room is gorgeous too. There’s a king’s bed, a vanity, and two doors. One leads to the kitchen and bathroom, and another door is a transparent glass sliding door that leads right out to the private pool, lights dim against the night.

Jaemin turns to look at Jaemin, smirking, raising an eyebrow. “You tired?”

Mark stretches for a moment, and Jaemin can see the delicious way his shirt rides up to show his skin. Jaemin quickly looks away. “I slept the whole way so I’m alright. Wanna go for a swim?”

Jaemin pouts, and starts to shed his clothes off. “That was supposed to be my line.”

“Sucker.” Mark says, undressing too. They then change into their swimming trunks, and honestly, if Jaemin is looking at Mark then it isn’t his fault since Mark is practically half-naked and Mark is gorgeous. Mark jumps to the pool even when there’s a sign to say clearly saying DO NOT DIVE since it’s only a small pool. Jaemin rolls his eyes, and slowly dips his feet into the water.

“It’s cold.” Jaemin frowns when Mark resurfaces, throwing his head back that shows off his neck and the water slowly dripping down. God, Jaemin needs to do this. It’s getting out of control. Jaemin swallows, and looks away. “How can you even jump without checking how cold the water is.”

Mark swims closer to Jaemin. Mark puts his hand on Jaemin’s thigh, and Jaemin pretends the shiver is because of how cold the water and night is. Mark’s other hand takes Jaemin’s hand. He’s smiling up to Jaemin, looking beautiful under the dim lights. The only thought that crosses Jaemin’s mind is this is his fucking husband, and God, he’s lucky. “It’s better to get things over with.”

Jaemin blinks. Mark tugs at his hand, so Jaemin slowly dips his whole body into the pool. Yeah, it’s really fucking cold. Fuck. “That’s a really good way to go about life too.”

Mark looks at Jaemin, the look of realisation dawning on him. “Oh. Um. Yeah, I guess.” Their hands are still intertwined for God’s sake. 

Jaemin takes a deep breath, and dips his head into the water. Jaemin is the psycho who opens his eyes in water, so he can see his and Mark’s intertwined fingers. Jaemin can see Mark’s thighs, the way he kind of squats a little since the pool is a little shallow for their height. Jaemin gets his head out of the water.

“Yeah. That’s a really good advice.” Jaemin says, and Mark seems to know what exactly Jaemin is talking about because he looks like he’s about to interject. “Hey, let’s get this over with. I really fucking love you.”

Mark blinks for a moment, and he breaks out into a big smile. He is about to lean in. Jaemin stops him by putting a hand on his chest, and Mark looks at him in frustration. “What?” 

“I need to say this before we kiss. I have a whole speech prepared. I--” Jaemin’s mind seems to black out, and Mark gets it. Because Mark leans in, and presses a kiss against the corner of Mark’s lip. “You can’t do that! I’m even more distracted now!”

“Oh my God.” Mark says, rolling his eyes exasperatedly, and when Jaemin still looks panicked, Mark softens. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Say it. I’ve been waiting for so long. I can probably wait longer.”

Jaemin blinks at that, confused, but he starts anyway. “I’m in love with you. I think I have ever since the wedding. I started liking you probably the moment our eyes met. It’s--it’s--” Jaemin stops, and he sighs, continuing. “Hard. It’s hard. I was against this marriage, but had forced myself into it to please my parents. I know you know that. But it was you. You were the one that showed me that this wouldn’t be bad at all, and you’re the first fucking person I’ve ever felt this deeply about. I’m twenty-fucking-six, and you’re the first person that makes me feel this way. Ugh. Anyway. My point is, I don’t feel that way anymore. The resentment I felt toward this marriage. All that disappeared because I fucking fell in love with you. Ugh. This is so weird. We’re husbands.”

“We are.” Mark agrees, caressing Jaemin’s hair, then his face, and Jaemin shuts his eyes, leaning into the touch. Jaemin can feel Mark kissing his cheek, then his nose. Jaemin opens his eyes, and Mark is looking at him, eyes so full of love and fondness that Jaemin feels he’s looking into the mirror. Jaemin can see the mole on Mark’s eyelid, and Jaemin wants to kiss it. So Jaemin does. “Remember during our first date? When I said this marriage isn’t as forced as it is with you.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin whispers. Jaemin leans in to kiss the corner of Mark’s lips before he can stop himself. “I’m still confused on that honestly.”

“Um. Well. How do I say this?” Jaemin blinks at him, looking at him expectantly. “I picked you.” Jaemin blinks at him in confusion. “I mean the idea to get arranged was planned. My family started rounding up eligible people, and they apparently heard through the grapevine that your parents want you to get married so you’re on that list. And, um, I picked you.”

Jaemin looks confused, his heart shutters a little at the thought. “You knew me?”

“Kind of. Knew you from IG. And you were gorgeous. Still is. Which makes me sound kind of shallow. But it started from that. I was interested because you’re attractive. It made me willing to get to know you. I was excited, even.” Mark laughs in embarrassment. “It was stupid. I was foolish. Then we met and I kinda noticed how disinterested you were. I was glad you texted me asking if we could hang. Then it was just that after. How I slowly loved you. The efforts you put, the efforts we put.”

Jaemin is breathless. Everything suddenly makes sense. The giddy way Mark had looked at him, the excitement, the gentleness. The fact that Mark was willing to try from the very beginning. Jaemin doesn’t know what to do, so he leans in, and just before their lips touch, Jaemin whispers. “I love you.”

Mark smiles, and their lips touch. This is nothing like their wedding. Their wedding had been a brief, small touch of lips that made Jaemin crave for more for the longest time. Their wedding had been in front of other people, with people watching as they kiss. In their wedding, their lips had been soft. The brief kiss that night after the bar had been more of getting to taste something forbidden. But now, it’s hot. It’s hot, and it’s right.

It’s hot in how Mark breathes into Jaemin’s mouth, as if desperate. It’s been so long, Jaemin thinks. Both their lips are cold. The night is cold, and combined with the cold pool water their body is practically freezing, and so is their lips. But it’s so fucking good. The gentle way Mark cups his jaw to lead the kiss, the way Mark’s mouth is desperately leaning in to get more and more, and Jaemin responds back just as eagerly. Their fingers no longer intertwined, and Jaemin’s hand roams from Mark’s neck, and Jaemin’s mind thinks of the way the water had dripped indecently earlier. Jaemin removes his lips from Mark’s, only to softly trail kisses down Mark’s neck. Jaemin starts from another kiss on Mark’s mouth that makes Mark lean in more, and whine when Jaemin pull away to kiss at the corner of Mark’s mouth, then to Mark’s jaw, to his neck, kissing and nibbling at Mark’s neck, licking the beads of water on his neck.

“God.” Mark moans, throwing his head back. They had moved so much during the kiss that Mark is pressed against the end of the pool which gives Mark a lot more leverage, but since Mark depends on the wall of the pool to support his weight, his crotch is pressed even more to Jaemin’s own one. Jaemin can feel the outline of Mark’s dick pressed into Jaemin’s own, and Jaemin feels a huge surge of arousal spread through his veins. Jaemin is now nibbling at Mark’s collarbone. Sharp, and prominent. Has always been. Jaemin has been staring for so long. “You smile when you kiss.” Mark then makes the move to slide his hand inside Jaemin’s swimming trunk. “You’re wearing underwear?”

“Is that bad?” Jaemin laughs into Mark’s collarbones. Jaemin then goes up, kissing Mark again, and Mark responds just as eagerly.

Mark pulls away for a moment to reply. “If you’re talking about smiling when kissing, then it’s cute.” Jaemin smiles into the kiss again, and that leads to Mark kissing Jaemin’s teeth instead. “But underwear? Jaemin, c’mon, baby.”

Mark chooses that exact moment to slide his hand inside his boxers to finally, finally cup Jaemin’s cock, and Jaemin’s cock fucking pulses even more at the nickname, and finally having Mark’s touch on his dick. The thought of his cock still being hard underwater makes Jaemin even more aroused, as fucking strange as that is. “Don’t, I might fucking cum if you call me that again.”

Mark laughs against Jaemin’s lips. Jaemin makes the move to lift Mark hips up, and Mark gets the hint. Jaemin is getting kind of sick of the water because he doesn’t feel Mark’s touch just as much. Mark lifts himself up to the floor right before the pool, and sits himself down properly, and Jaemin manages to follow him right after just so Mark’s hand doesn’t stop touching his cock. Jaemin straddles Mark’s thighs, still kissing him, and Mark slides Jaemin’s trunks along with his boxers down until it’s down to Jaemin’s knee, so Jaemin’s practically naked, and it’s fucking arousing as the light breeze grazes his skin, and it makes Mark’s hold on his cock even hotter.

“Open yours too.” Jaemin whines against his mouth, when Mark begins to slide the hold he has over Jaemin’s cock up and down. Pre-cum exits from the tip of his cock, and it makes the slide easier. 

“Open them for me.” Mark whispers back, and he begins to slowly kiss his way down to Jaemin’s neck. Jaemin takes the waistline of Mark’s swimming trunks, tugging it down, and Mark lets him, lifting his hips up slightly so Jaemin can slide it all the way down. That’s when Jaemin notices Mark is not fucking wearing underwear.

“Holy shit, you’re not wearing underwear.” Jaemin moans out, just as Mark nips on Jaemin’s neck. “Fuck. You’re so hot, what the hell?”

Mark breathes a laugh against Jaemin’s skin, and he squeezes Jaemin’s cock, before beginning to slide his hand again. “Why do you think I was so shocked when I saw your underwear?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you just want to touch my dick.” Jaemin moans. Mark’s mouth is now on Jaemin’s nipple, sucking on it, and giving it a small bite that Jaemin’s cock pulses at. 

“That. But also because no one wears underwear in a private pool.” Mark slides down even more, and kisses Jaemin’s belly button, and finally, finally, his mouth is on Jaemin’s dick. 

Jaemin is panting right now at the feeling of Mark’s hot mouth. His knee is getting a little bit sore from the way he’s sitting, but Jaemin doesn’t even care. “Sorry, I’m not rich enough. I don’t know the private pool etiquette.”

“Liar.” Mark breathes against his cock, and he slides his tongue against Jaemin’s cock before kissing the tip. Mark looks so fucking sinful. Bending down a little as he sits, with his bare ass on the tile. Mark starts to slowly suck the tip, making his way down slowly, and taking Jaemin as much as he could, and there’s so much warmth Jaemin can take before he combusts.

“I’m gonna come.” Jaemin murmurs and Mark nods, looking up at Jaemin with his big eyes, and God, that was it. Jaemin comes, and Mark tries to swallow it, but ends up gagging a little, so he spits it out at the drain he’s sitting on. Jaemin breathes heavily and takes Mark’s own hard cock in his hand. Jaemin leans down to suck slightly on the tip, and tries to swallow, but his gag reflex isn’t as strong as Mark’s so he mostly slides his hand against Mark’s cock, his saliva mixing with the pre-cum to make the slide easier, until Mark eventually comes without warning, painting Jaemin’s face with his come, but Jaemin opens his mouth to get some of the come in.

“Sorry.” Mark slurs out apologetically, looking tired. 

“It’s alright.” Jaemin drawls out, and he leans forward to plant a kiss on Mark’s lips. “It’s hot.” 

Mark colours at that, the bliss seemingly have passed so he finally feels the embarrassment. Mark leans forward agai and kisses Jaemin more. Jaemin, finally tired of the pressure he’s putting on his knee, allows himself to sit down on Mark’s lap, hooking his legs around Mark’s waist,  kissing Mark back lazily. Mark puts his hand around Jaemin’s waist, and the thumb of his other hand pushes against the crack of Jaemin’s ass. Jaemin honest to God almost gets hard again, but Mark pulls back both his lips and thumb before Jaemin could entertain the thought. “We should shower.”

“Mhm.” Jaemin replies, and he plants a kiss on Mark’s lip one last time. Jaemin glances at the pool. “We didn’t get anything in the pool, right?” 

Mark frowns. “I mean, I hope? Then we’ll be swimming in come for the next three days.”

Jaemin whimpers at Mark, getting up. “That sounds so gross.”

“We’ve been waiting for too long anyway. Of course, we couldn’t even think about going to bed.” Mark shrugs, as he slides the door open, and honestly, Jaemin agrees. 

They both shower quickly, separately under Mark’s insistence because he says they’ll go to bed even later if they shower together. That night, after they finally climb into bed together, for the first time in forever ever since the night of their wedding. The difference between now and the wedding is that they had been too exhausted that it barely mattered. Now, it matters even though they’re exhausted from the flight, the car ride, and the activities. It matters because they’re here, and they’ve established it. Validated every feeling they have for each other.

The rest of the trip more or so falls into the same pattern. They swim every day, and they go to the spa, karaoke room, and all the other accommodations provided. They talk about things, about the future, about their feelings, about how they’re husbands, how Mark had a crush on Jaemin, which made Jaemin feel so stupidly giddy, but with a hint of guilt from how aloof he had been, now that he knows the full story. They eventually leave Port Dickson, and in the city, they go to little cafes they found on Instagram and shopped a little at the major malls. 

It had been a lot like back home, except for the sex and touching part.

Jaemin is so fucking sure at this point that home is not a place they go to. Rather home is a person. A person in the form of sweet Mark, who’s too kind and good for his own good. Sweet Mark who Jaemin wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with. Sweet Mark who Jaemin can banter with, and have a deep conversation about life seconds after. 

Sweet Mark who is Jaemin’s home.

The best part is, Jaemin is sure that Mark feels the same way too.

no one i’d rather have beside me tonight