Chapter Text
Chapter 1
It wasn’t that Aziraphale didn’t try to loose the weight. God herself knows he had tried. He just couldn’t seem to keep it off. He would like to blame it on 6,000 years of being on earth and eating to fit in with the humans. That anyone in his position would have ended up in the same state as him after so much time. But simply put, that just wasn’t true. Crowley was as slim as ever. Not that heaven needed to know that, and thank goodness- or rather evil, that they didn’t know what the demon looked like.
Aziraphale sighed as he put three sugars into his tea. Sure, it could be consumed without sugar, but the bitterness of it straight was pure torture and at that rate he might as well be drinking water. Which wasn’t the same at all. Still, he was cutting back after all. No matter how sorely he wanted to put in that fourth sugar, he would resist. Had to resist. He couldn’t bare the thought of what the other angels were most likely saying behind his back. He already knew what they would say to his face, after all.
He stirred and sipped. It was still a bit bitter.
His fingers twitched a bit. There was a fourth sugar just there, reaching distance from him. No one would know. The tea would be sweeter. This could be the last time and he could start using only three sugars the next time he had tea. His fingers withdrew into a fist at his side.
“Oh jussst do it, angel. It’s only one sugar.” Crowley opened one eye to watch him as he sprawled out over Aziraphale’s couch.
“Serpent.” Aziraphale tisked, which only garnered him a serpentine smile from his demon. “You can’t tempt me.” He inhaled, putting his nose up and refusing to take the fourth sugar.
Crowley shrugged. He wasn’t actually trying to tempt him this time. He just didn’t think one measly packet of sugar was enough to get so worked up about. Besides, three sugars wasn’t exactly dieting anyway.
“I don’t see why it even matters,” Crowley let out a small yawn and stretched his back as he began to sit up. “Its not like you can get diabetes or something.”
Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “I know that.” His eyes drifted back to the sugar.
“Do you remember,” Crowley started, and somehow Aziraphale knew deep inside exactly what the demon was going to say. “Our first deal we made?”
“We decided to end that deal, if I must remind you.” Azirphale closed his eyes for a moment, Crowley was really trying his patience today.
“But you didn’t want to. I know you didn’t want to.” He was standing now and started sauntering closer. “and it was fun, wasn’t it?”
That was the worst part. It had been fun. Even more so for the angel.
Aziraphale bit his lower lip. “I… I’ve had a hard enough time recovering from last time.” He admitted softly.
“Then there you go. You have nothing to loose by playing with me again. Only… something to gain.” Crowley didn’t like that part as much, but angels were rather difficult to tempt, so he had to have something on the line to offer him back.
“Same rules?” Aziraphale questioned. “You wont be able to cheat, after all.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. And yes. I’ll follow one of the seven virtues for every deadly sin you act upon.” He grinned, knowing he had already won if Azira was checking the rules. “We both pick the one we feel like following, of course.”
“You’re just trying to trick me.” But his heart had given in. It would be amusing to make Crowley virtuous after all… and all he had to do was something he wanted anyway. But probably shouldn’t.
Crowley had stepped behind the angel’s chair and picked up the sugar packet, placing it in Aziraphale’s hand. “We can always start slow.” He whispered softly against his ear. “Just eat how you want to, really want to, for now.”
There was a second catch with the game. Any sin Aziraphale was engaging in, meant he couldn’t persuade a human to follow the opposing virtue. Likewise, Crowley couldn’t tempt a human with the opposing sin to any virtue he was engaged in. They had discovered the draw back the last time.
“And you?” Aziraphale hummed, already opening the sugar. It was so very easy to give in. “You’re tempting me with gluttony, what shall I charge you with?”
Crowley blinked, “We’re suppose to choose our own-”
“Ah, but you cheated. You picked my sin for me. It’s only fair that I pick your first virtue.”
Crowley clenched his jaw, “Sounds like you’re the one trying to cheat.”
“You’re starting easy with me,” He sipped his tea, noting how much sweeter it was now. “So I’ll go easy on you.”
Crowley shifted uneasily where he stood. “Very kind of you,” he responded sarcastically.
“No, very kind of you, Crowley.” The angel smiled. To someone less trained it would seem like an innocent honest smile, but the demon knew far better then that. “I shall charge you with Kindness.” Today was feeling better all ready for him.
Crowley felt like gagging. “Ugh, you can’t be serious.” He felt disgusted.
“Oh come now, you are kind sometimes,” Aziraphale chided.
“You take that back!”
“Especially to me.” He smiled brighter behind his tea mug.
Crowley had in fact given in a few times after their last iteration of this game to ‘kindness.’ He hated it just as much as Aziraphale hated that he occasionally gave into gluttony. But like the angel, once the habit had started, it was extremely difficult to break, no matter how hard they had both tried to.
***
The First Temptation
“Well allow me to tempt you,” Aziraphale sing songed. “Oh wait, that’s your job.”
Crowley couldn’t believe this cheeky bastard. First he gives away, just gives away!!!, a sword the ALMIGHT HERSELF gave to him. Now he’s jesting about tempting a demon! An angel tempting someone! He was fairly certain that other angels had fallen for lesser crimes.
Crowley was mad. He was resentful, wrathful even. Towards, towards… well, someone. But not the angel in question. Azirphale was, honestly, rather amusing. He didn’t question if it was right or wrong in the moment that he gave his sword away. He simply did it because it felt right. Now here he was, tempting a demon. And the demon was, quite tempted.
“Oysters?” He mused, “What will these humans think of next.” It sounded pretty disgusting, actually. Oysters. They might as well think of a dish that involved snails. But allowing the angel to ‘tempt’ him was rather beneficial to him. He easily saw how he might gain something from this. “Shall we then?”
“Ha- ah, oh, OH.” Aziraphale’s eyes widened just a bit. Crowley had actually accepted? This was exceptionally unexpected. Really, it had just been an off-handed joke, nothing more. He wished in this moment that he could curse, even just internally. “Ah- you, actually want to-” His words were now falling out in a jumbled up nervous mess.
Crowley merely smiled and nodded. “I whole heartedly accept your invitation.” Oh he was a wily serpent.
“Ah, right… right.” Aziraphale looked around nervously. He truly hoped that upstairs hadn’t heard that he had just invited a demon out to lunch, however accidental. But, it would be rude to retract the offer now. He literally had to go through with it.
Crowley looked at him expectantly.
Aziraphale let out an internal sigh. It was just lunch. Once. No one had to know and then it would be over and they would never eat out again. It was fine. He would just have to be more careful with his words next time. “Right. Its um, just a few streets over.”
The demon stood. “We could walk.” He noticed a small crease on the angel’s forehead at that. “Or we could take a carriage.”
“Oh that would be nice.” Aziraphale was a bit relieved by the prospect of not walking.
A small smile played over Crowley’s features. He had never once considered tempting an angel, let alone Aziraphale. But he was beginning to see it would be far easier then he ever imagined. “Carriage it is, then.”
***
The pair had finished off the plate of oysters and Crowley couldn’t help but notice the delight in which Aziraphale had with each and every bite. He had enjoyed the oysters most reverently. The poor angel had given himself away so quickly.
All good demons knew that not everyone could be successfully tempted, especially on their first attempt. But all humans, each and every one had their weakness. There was at least one of the seven deadly sins that applied to any given person. Demons were naturally riddled with far more. But Angels, well, that was an unknown. The trick with tempting a human was finding which sin they were most likely to give in to. Some foolish demons would try anything, putting absolutely no thought into it at all. But others, like himself, occasionally researched just what made a person tick.
But Aziraphale, dear sweet Aziraphale, was already so very close to the edge already. The poor fool.
A waiter was walking around with a large pitcher of wine. Crowley signaled for him to fill their glasses. He was delighted when the angel accepted, no coaxing needed.
“They were quite good.” Crowley praised. People gave in easier when they were praised through their sins.
Aziraphale beamed. “Rather scrumptious weren’t they?” His nose scrunched up a bit as he spoke.
Crowley eyed another waiter, this time with expensive looking bread and he waved him over. “Would you like some?”
The angel’s eyes glazed over for a moment before looking down. “I probably shouldn’t.”
“Oh but it’s a thank you.”
“A- a thank you?” He was more then a little surprised to hear that from his enemy.
“In thanks for introducing me to oysters, of course.”
“Oh,” He went a tad pink. “You’re quite welcome dear boy.” He smiled very brightly. It couldn’t be, could it? That being nice to this demon was somehow bringing him closer to the light? Was that even possible? Well, if making a human virtuous was good, making a demon good would be simply marvelous. “There’s really no need to thank me.” He gave him the brightest of smiles.
“Oh but I insist-” Crowley was thrown for just a moment as he caught sight of that smile. It was so- so- genuine? The other angels had always had such tight forced smiles. He hadn’t even known the word ‘sincere’ until the humans had come up with it. Aziraphale was actually, genuinely, pleased?
“Well if you insist,” His eyes lit up again as the server placed the food down. He had given Crowley the first bite.
Crowley made sure Aziraphale had the last bite and he told himself it was all part of his plan to tempt the angel and not because he wanted him to have it because it made the angel happy.
Aziraphale couldn’t believe it. Just a bit of chivalry and compassion towards him and the demon was well on his way to being good. He wasn’t going to waste this golden opportunity. “Thank you Crowley, that was most delectable.”
The angel was thanking him for leading him into temptation. Oh this was too good to be true. Plus he was, frankly, rather cute. But one sin at a time.
Crowley gestured for more wine to be brought to them as he surveyed the room for other food options.
“Thank you dear, but I should really stop.”
Dear? Crowley blinked. The angel had just called him ‘dear’ so casually? “Surely you’re not full yet, are you?” Though in truth, the serpent was starting to feel rather full himself. He didn’t typically consume food regularly.
“I suppose I could eat more. Its just- well, I shouldn’t.” He folded his hands in front of himself.
Crowley was actually surprised he was in fact still hungry, why wasn’t he still eating? He hadn’t even honestly tempted him yet. “…and why is that?”
“I-” His eyes dipped down, as if being caught being naughty. “I don’t want to be greedy.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
Crowley was mystified. That’s what the angel cared about? They had barley eaten. “Honestly, angel, I think you’re fine. Look around, everyone’s eating. There’s more then enough to go around. Its not greedy at all.” He would know if it was, given his disposition.
Aziraphale’s eyes lifted up, his lips pressing together. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
A waiter placed down another platter of food for them. Crowley had started to eat less and less, feeling fuller and fuller. The plates however continued to come and with his silver tongue, the demon had carefully coaxed most of it into Aziraphale.
Finally, Crowley couldn’t fathom the thought of another bite. The bloody angel had him beat. Aziraphale leaned back in his seat.
Finally.
“Full already?” Seriously this should have taken place several plates ago.
Azirphale let out a sigh of relief. “I- I don’t think I’ve ever actually been full before. I mean, I’ve eaten and stopped being hungry but… well, I don’t think I ever realized this is what it means to be full.”
“A few more wont hurt,” He lifted one of the cheese covered meat bites for Aziraphale.
“No really, this has been too much.” He had never eaten so much in one sitting before. He had only justified it because the demon was being so pleasant. His breath suddenly hitched as a small cramp hit him. But never having been full before, he wasn’t sure what to do as the sharp pain hit him.
Crowley froze. “Zira? Are you- ssshit are you alright??”
The angel’s eyes closed tightly, not sure what had come over him. “Its- ah Crowley, dear- it hurts.” He gripped his chair, knuckles starting to go white.
This was going terribly. Crowley subtly scooted his seat closer and with just a bit of hesitation, he reached his hand out and ran a few soothing circles over the angel’s stuffed stomach. Aziraphal lessened his grip on the chair and after a few rubs his eyes fluttered open. This was impossible. Simply impossible. He looked at Crowley incredulously.
“You… you’re healing me??” Clearly Crowley had already risen back to being an angel and was using a miracle on him.
“Healing? You think I’m… oh angel, you really haven’t been full before, have you?” He let out a small laugh. This was obscenely cute. Fuck, he could probably be kicked out of hell for even thinking that. “No- I’m not- I’m a demon, did you really think I was using magic to heal you?” He almost felt guilty for leading him into temptation now. Almost. “You’re just stuffed.” His lips lifted into a smirk. “I’m just soothing the food down is all. Helps people feel better and even eat a bit more.”
Aziraphale furrowed his brow at that. “Why would someone want to eat more after they’re already in pain from eating so much?”
Normally even Crowley would have been inclined to agree. But this was Rome and it seemed to be all the rage at the moment. “It can be nice too. Full. Overly full.” He was still soothing the angel’s stomach and edging in closer as he spoke. “You’ve never tried it?”
“Heavens no, its sound, well… Gluttonous?” He did hope that didn’t offend the demon.
“Only a little bit.” He held the morsel to Aziraphale’s lips, but the angel looked away, turning his mouth from him.
“Crowley… I caaant.” He whined. “Its… that’s a sin.” He whispered.
He had already put so much effort into this temptation. He wasn’t going to fail now. He took his hand away from the angel’s belly.
“Ahh, C-crowley…” Aziraphale was fully aware of how pathetically needy he had just sounded, but he really was in a bit of pain.
There was a flicker in that old serpent’s eye. “You tempted me firssst.” He looked the angel up and down where he was beginning to squirm in his seat. “Now, let me tempt you?” He placed his hand back on him, but it was still. An unspoken promise that he would continue the soothing administrations if the angel would just give in. His other hand still offering the bite.
“You… you tricked me?” There was a bit of confused hurt in his voice. “I thought I could make you virtuous again.”
Crowley’s eyebrows shot up. “I’m a demon?” It felt like it was going against his temptation to point this fact out, but seriously, what was the angel even thinking?
“You were being so nice to me though.” He did wish Crowley would keep rubbing his poor abused stomach though. “It was just to- to-” It was sort of a weird temptation though. “feed me?”
“Its symbolic.” Now Crowley was looking away, feeling like he had been caught slacking on the job a bit.
Another cramp hit and Aziraphale let out a small grunt in protest at the pain. He wasn’t sure how to get that rubbing healing affect that Crowley was performing on him. But it didn’t matter, Crowley’s hand was pressing slow circles into him yet again, easing the pain away. He had a subtle smile at this. Somewhere deep inside of the demon, there was a bit of hope. He was sure of that now. Besides, it was just one more bite of food. Was that really such a sin?
Aziraphale leaned forward and nibbled at the morsel Crowley was holding, unprompted. Crowley’s breath hitched a bit. Had that even counted as a temptation? He quickly fumbled to feed the angel a bit more. They both believed they were wining.
Crowley held another piece this time directly to Aziraphale’s lips, looking more invested then ever and still dutifully rubbing him.
“I thought you already accomplished your temptation? Aren’t you done with me yet, foul beast?” He probably didn’t need to add that last part, but it was fun.
“Just a bit more? You’ve already committed to this temptation, you can’t be double tempted.” Probably. He’d have to check the rules on that one.
“I’ll eat as much as you wish me to-”
Crowley lit up at that, showing his hand a tad too fast. His expression fell as he saw the angel was smiling.
“But I have conditions.” He licked his lips. Crowley’s soothing circles were somehow making him hungry again.
It wasn’t unheard of and as long as it secured a temptation, it was occasionally allowed to give in to the requests of those being tempted. “And what are those?”
“Well,” And the demon knew something was amiss by how confident the angel sounded now. “I want you to join me in finishing this plate.”
“But- I’m full?” That was probably the lamest excuse there was. “Fine, done.” He would just have to regret the indigestion later.
“And, I’m going to ‘tempt’ you again.”
Perhaps Crowley was mistaken and he was just dealing with another demon all along. “Sorry, what?”
“Well, tempt isn’t quite the right word. But I want you to do something. I promise to give in all you want and be fully tempted by you if-”
Crowley was truly hanging onto the angel’s every word now, this was utterly unprecedented. Somehow he wanted this temptation to hold. He wanted it so much more then all his other temptations he had ever performed. This was the big one, he just knew it.
“If I charge you with a virtue.”
Crowley was dumbfounded for a moment. What. The. Fuck. “Are you serious?”
“As serious as you want to feed me that whole plate and probably more, I suspect. On multiple occasions.”
There were hopes of repeat angelic sins at stakes here. This was serious indeed. But a virtue?? He had to wonder if he would go up in flames just for trying it.
“Which virtue?” Only a bit of venom in his words.
Ah, but he had asked, and the angel knew he had won with that. Asking rules was only a step away from consenting. “That’s the beauty in it. I’ll even let you choose.” And before he could say no, Aziraphale so delicately took the new morsel in, his tongue dancing over Crowley’s fingers for just a moment.
Crowley was breathless. He had tempted the angel of the Eastern Gate into a most heinous sin. Eating a bit much. He didn’t make the rules on what was sinning, odd, sure. But then Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden for just one apple. He fed Aziraphale a lot more then that. The hand that had been at the angel’s lips dropped down to join his other in rubbing that growing bulge of his stomach. He could feel just how taut he had become from the over indulgence.
Aziraphale let out a little hum at that. Crowley was really making him feel rather nice. Besides, Crowley had said it himself all those years ago, he wasn’t sure that an angel even could sin. Besides, this was the Lord’s work, bringing back one of the fallen into the light. “Don’t forget your end of the bargain.” Both hands on him now felt too nice to interrupt. He grabbed one of the scrumptious treats himself and held it up to Crowley’s mouth.
Crowley knew it was a bad idea, in his case a particularly bad one in fact, but a deal was a deal and he immediately ate it with great enthusiasm. The first one is always the easiest. But Aziraphale would feed him a bite for each one he took and the plate wasn’t emptying fast enough. The angel quickly noticed Crowley’s movement’s slowing down with each bite. Which was rather funny. His eyes began drooping shut and eventually he was more so laying against the angel more then anything else, somewhat unaware.
“No more…” Crowley breathed, his eyes only open by a thin slit.
“Just a bite.” Azira was having a tad too much fun now. But fair was fair. “You can surely manage one bite.”
When Crowley didn’t answer, the angel gently pressed it to his lips, and watched with great satisfaction as he sleepily opened his mouth and swallowed. He promptly passed out immediately.
“Oh dear…” It was a strange sort of reaction, but one that made him feel responsible for the exhausted demon. “Well, we did agree.” He finished the plate off as promised.
Aziraphale attempted to pull Crowley closer and stand, but found with his stomach freshly stuffed, he simply couldn’t manage both. “Crowley…. Crowley! Please, I can’t lift you up.” He didn’t think it was safe to just leave him about while unconscious either.
“Hmmm?” He didn’t open his eyes and barely stirred. “Oh, sorry.” He nestled a bit more against him, beginning to get on Azirphale’s nerves when suddenly he was becoming lighter and lighter, much to the angel’s amazement.
“Crowley? Crowley! We’re still in public! You cant- not here!” He tried shielding the sleeping demon as he shrank down, skin giving way to scales. Soon enough he was holding a rather impressive looking snake. At least he was more manageable like this.
***
Azirphale was frantic. This was an absolute nightmare. Crowley had been out cold for four whole days. But what could he do? He couldn’t just call a doctor for him! Nor could he get celestial aid who would probably tell him to get rid of the demon in a rather permanent manner, or contact demons who would do the same to him.
“Oh dear boy, what have I done?” He smoothed some soft red curls down on the side of Crowley’s head and began dabbing him delicately with a damp cloth. He still needed to be taken care of after all. He had no idea what to do with the sleeping snake those few days ago and so he simply placed the serpent in his bed. It hadn’t been long before he shifted back to his human form in a curled up position. “Oh do wake up my dear. You are giving me such a fright…”
Finally, Crowley began to stir. A low hissing alerting Aziraphale first. He immediately went to gently rubbing his back.
“That’s it, that’s right.” He had never been so nervous. Not when he gave away his sword, not even when he gave into Crowley’s temptation.
“Mhmmm…” Cowley’s yellow eyes cracked open. There was far too much light in the room. “Where…” He was vaguely aware that someone was muttering something beside him and doing a rather nice job of rubbing his back. He shut his eyes again just for a moment to appreciate it. “Ah, that’s nice.”
“CROWLEY!” The demon was suddenly being crushed by a hugging angel.
“Less nice!! That’s much less nice!”
It was too late, Azirphale was desperately preening over him. “My dear!! You were out for so long- and I had no idea why or what to do or what-” He was rambling at great speed.
Crowley sat up a bit more and closed his eyes. “The temptation,” He murmured, his hand going to rub his own stomach. He felt much better now, only a bit of food still left inside him.
Aziraphale was finally quiet for a moment, still worried and yet so relieved at the same time. “You just… passed out.”
The serpent sighed. “I should have held back more, but demons aren’t built for temperance.” He opened his eyes again and found those watery blue ones peering at him with all the worry in the world. “I’m not exactly built the same as people.”
Azira’s gaze quickly shifted as he nodded, “Yes, I mean, I noticed that.”
Crowley furrowed his brow for a moment before looking down at himself and finding his tunic gone. He had been sleeping under a blanket to protect his ‘modesty’ but was otherwise nude.
“Having a peak? Naughty angel.” His voice only faltered a bit as he moved to cover himself up more. All he could do now was joke about it and hope the angel left it at that.
He had known, of course, about the eyes. Aziraphale could hardly not notice such unusual eyes. They had been later gifted to the snakes and a few other reptiles as well, he suspected. But they were Crowley’s first. Of course he knew the demon could shift his shape into that of a snake’s as well. He had first met him in that serpentine form in the garden. The wily snake had spent seven whole days pretending he was just some animal incapable of speech. Tricking, well, alright, persuading the angel into petting him all the while. Which they had both enjoyed. Aziraphale had even praised his glistening scales back then, which is why the serpent had taken so long in his task to actually get anything done.
But his human form, typically covered in some sort of clothing, was rather unexpected.
He did pass for human at first, perhaps even second glance. But to someone really looking, he wasn’t quite right. His spine consisted of too many bones, for starts. Ones far smaller then a human’s. His numerous ribs were plentiful and small as well. It was difficult to tell just what his shoulder bone and pelvis situation was, but it was different to say the least. Then there were the muscles. Appearing apparently at will wherever they felt the need to be. He was, in a word, snake-like. Like someone had taken the two creatures and attempted to meld them together somehow.
Well that was that. The angel knew.
“I wasn’t peaking,” Azira protested. “I merely needed to take your tunic off and make sure you weren’t injured.”
“Injured?”
“You passed out for four days! For all I knew someone had gotten you with a poisoned dart!”
“You took care of me for four days?” Crowley tilted his head, feeling rather stupefied.
“It was the right thing to do.”
Crowely smiled. “Again angel, I’m a demon. The right thing to do would have been leaving me for dead.”
“Don’t say that.” Azira quickly whipped his head around to face him, his voice serious. Crowley pulled the blanket tighter around his form to hide it from view. “Don’t you ever say that. You are a living creature, Crowley. No one has a right to leave you for, for- you have every right to be here.” He couldn’t even bring himself to say the word.
“But I’m-”
“No. Crowley,” Aziraphale caught his eyes with his own. “God made you herself. She doesn’t make mistakes.” He could see the demon begin to protest at that, “AH! She doesn’t. Maybe some angels do, but not her.”
Crowley wanted to protest that obviously She had. That he shouldn’t have been kicked out of heaven just for hanging around the wrong people, but this didn’t seem like the right moment for it.
“Her plans are ineffable- don’t you roll those pretty eyes at me- for all we know you’re still part of Her plans.”
Crowley shrank back even more. He had never wanted to hide so much in all his life.
“Please Crowley, why were you asleep for so long? I was so worried.” He didn’t like how Crowley shrank back, seemed nervous in his own skin.
“Snakes don’t eat like humans do.” He admitted softly. “They- we- eat once and depending on the size of the meal, fall asleep. Sssometimes hibernate.” It had been a rather big meal for him.
The angel felt so relieved. It was just natural for him then.
“Now,” Aziraphale took in a slow breath. “I gave into your temptation. So now I shall charge you with a virtue.” He smiled, genuinely smiled. He was going to do everything in his power to make Crowley good again.
He would of course fail. But as the almighty would say, climb every mountain.