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“You don’t seem the type to sit in bars by yourself,” Five said, materializing next to Luther at the counter.
Luther looked up from his drink. He had the posture of someone who had just been caught brooding. “What are you doing here?”
“I’d kill for a decent cocktail,” Five said, sliding into the seat next to him. “Still have a surprising amount of Commission paperwork, even after everything’s said and done. Makes a person really desire a margarita.”
“Fair,” Luther said, looking into his glass. “Fair.”
“May I offer an observation?”
“Go ahead,” Luther said.
“You look like shit.”
“I do?” Luther said. He shifted on his barstool. “I feel all right, for once. Apocalypse is dealt with, everything’s starting to come together, things are just… better.”
“I only say that because it looks like you’ve been staring into that glass indefinitely and not drinking any of it,” Five said.
Luther sighed. “I’m not very good at drinking. I’m trying to get better. Practice makes perfect, you know?”
“Why?”
“Diego’s been teasing me,” Luther said ruefully. “He makes fun of me when we go to bars.”
“You go out with Diego?” Five said.
Luther hesitated.
Five narrowed his eyes.
“Yes,” Luther said.
“You’re not telling me something,” Five said.
“Five, you don’t need to know everything.”
“I don’t like having information withheld from me,” Five said, “when it comes to my family.”
Luther’s face fell into an expression of concern. Five leaned his elbow on the bar. He knew Luther was picturing Five wandering in the apocalypse, decades of nothing, picking up old newspapers and eating rats or something. It was a priceless guilt trip, and one he should probably be a little more judicious in deploying. But there had been an edge of sheepishness in Luther’s expression and Five had some suspicions he wanted to verify.
Luther mumbled something and threw back the rest of his drink.
“I beg your pardon?” Five said as Luther started coughing. He folded his hands and raised one eyebrow as Luther doubled over, sputtering.
“My God, how do you drink that?” Luther said once he’d finished gagging. “It burns.”
“That’s generally considered to be the point of alcohol,” Five said, watching Luther reach for his glass of water. “Did you have sex with Diego?”
“Um,” Luther said, not looking at him. “Yes.”
“Really,” Five said, leaning back on his barstool. It wasn’t clicking for him. He couldn’t picture his brothers, Number One and Number Two who always wrestled with each other in the hallways, going to a bar together and coming home together. Getting in bed together. “Was it a one-off thing, or is this something I should be aware of?”
“It’s ongoing,” Luther said earnestly. “But we’re not exclusive, I’m still with Allison, too, and I’m fairly confident that Diego and Klaus have something going on, and Allison told me she and Vanya have been… talking, lately, as well.”
“Of course,” Five said, but he still couldn’t see it.
And then Luther tipped back his head and swallowed and it clicked, suddenly and horribly, and Five saw in his mind’s eye Luther on his knees for Diego, between Diego’s spread legs. Diego in a big chair in the atrium with a hand on the back of Luther’s head, or tracing over his ear. And he’d call him—
“Oh, Christ, did he call you any of those stupid names?” Five said.
Luther looked stricken. “Names?”
“I’m not going to repeat them,” Five said.
“Well, if you’re not going to repeat them, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Five took a generous sip of his drink. “You do know.”
“I don’t, Five.”
“Remember when Diego was asking Allison to let him babysit Claire?” Five said.
Luther’s brow wrinkled. Five could tell he was thinking back to the scene in the kitchen, Diego doing the dishes and gesticulating a little too passionately with the steak knives as he told Allison that he was always free, he was way better with kids than he looked, and besides, you need a break—
“When he called her ‘doll’?” Luther said
“Exactly,” Five said darkly.
“Huh,” Luther said, considering his water. “That’s a deal-breaker for you?”
“Unequivocally,” Five said. “I could not ever—” He waved his hand. He wasn’t a prude, but he wasn’t about to go around conjuring up scenarios of sex he was not having with his brother. “—with anyone who called me doll.”
“He wouldn’t call you doll, he has a different one for each of us.”
Five stared.
“He calls me, uh, ‘big guy,’” Luther said. His voice was matter-of-fact, but his face was starting to get a little rosy, and Five knew it wasn’t from the alcohol.
“And you like that?” Five said.
“I don’t mind it.”
The mental image was back. Diego opening his legs a little wider, letting Luther take his cock deeper into his mouth— a good brother, good soldier, good Number One— cradling the back of his neck, there you go, big guy, c’mon. Five shuddered. He should be a little more open-minded; perhaps Diego wanted to ride Luther’s cock, sink all the way down on it, damn, big guy, if I’d known what you were packing I’d have jumped on this ten years ago.
“I don’t mind at all, actually,” Luther said, a little sheepishly. “It’s, ah. Well.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Five said.
“Well, I can see how the pet names might be off-putting to you if you don’t have the right context.”
“You truly don’t have to say any more.”
“But in the right context, uh, suffice it to say—”
Five teleported out of the bar without saying goodbye.
Vanya hadn’t exactly told Five that Allison would be at her apartment when he came over, but then again, Five never told Vanya when he was coming over in the first place. When he appeared in her living room, Vanya was curled up on the sofa with a book, and Allison was paging through a script.
“Oh, hey, Five,” Vanya said, looking up. “What’s up?”
“Oh, you know,” Five said, looking down at Vanya and Allison on the sofa. “I take it Luther wasn’t kidding about the general polyamorous debauchery in this family as of late.”
Vanya and Allison looked at each other.
“Only an observation,” Five said, “not a value judgment.” He inclined his head towards Vanya. “I’ll stick to the Rule.”
“The Rule?” Allison said. When she furrowed her brow like that, she almost looked like Luther.
“No teleporting into bedrooms or bathrooms,” Vanya said.
“Gotcha,” Allison said. “Although… hmm.”
“Hmm?” Five said.
“Well, it’s awfully confining to stick to the bedroom,” Allison said, looking over at Vanya. “So… you know, if you’re going to drop into the living room unannounced, don’t say we didn’t warn you.”
“Oh,” Vanya said. “Yeah, um. Depending on the day, that might be hazardous. But isn’t that more Diego’s thing than yours, Allison?”
“Yeah, but I’ve been taking notes,” Allison said, putting down her script and sticking her feet into Vanya’s lap.
“Since when is Diego part of this?” Five said.
“We just had him over last night,” Vanya said, settling her hand on Allison’s feet.
“Don’t tell me about it,” Five said.
“Oh, man, it was fun,” Allison said. “All I’m saying is you know the sex is good when Diego can hardly stutter out her name.”
“What did I just say?” Five said.
Mental image. Vanya spread out on the living room sofa, legs wide, Diego thrusting into her, Allison guiding his hand to Vanya’s nipple, Vanya throwing her head back, so tight around Diego, Diego’s jaw tight, right there, c-come for me—
“In his defense, he wasn’t trying to say my name, exactly,” Vanya said.
“Aww,” Allison said. “That’s right. He calls you ‘angel.’”
“He calls you angel and you let him in your home?” Five said.
“I mean, it’s kind of nice,” Vanya said, looking over at Allison.
—come for me, angel.
Allison raised her eyebrows. “You good, Five?”
“I’m fine,” Five said, a little too quickly.
“Oh, hello,” Klaus said, turning around in the passenger seat. “Welcome to Diego’s car.”
“You know that urban legend about the killer in the backseat?” Diego said. He was driving. “Some woman’s in her car at night and it turns out she’s been driving for two hours with a stranger waiting in the backseat to kill her, and she never noticed?”
“I’ve heard that before,” Five said.
“Pretty sure it’s about you,” Diego said. “What do you want?”
“I—”
“Is no one going to say how much of a hazard it is to teleport into Diego’s car unannounced?” Klaus said, looking back and forth between them. “Because there’s nothing in the world that makes him happier than fucking someone in his beloved vehicle. It’s what he lives for.”
“Over-exaggeration, Klaus,” Diego said.
“No, Diego lives for fucking Allison and Vanya on their living room sofa,” Five said.
In the rearview mirror, Diego raised his eyebrows at him.
“Oh ho,” Klaus said. “Diego, you beast. If Five gets to watch, why can’t I?”
“Five wasn’t there,” Diego said, turning the steering wheel.
“Then how’d he know?”
“I’m very interested in the answer to that question,” Diego said.
“It’s not your business,” Five said. He regarded the backseat cushions with distaste.
“Kinda feel like it is, though,” Diego said. “Since I’m the one you’re stalking.”
“I’m not stalking you.”
“You show up in my car and interrogate people about me, man.”
“I don’t need to interrogate anybody, because the information is readily available,” Five said. “You’re the one who’s choosing to have sex in semi-public places, and this is the consequence.”
“I’m not a caged animal,” Diego said. He sounded amused. “I do what I want where I wanna do it.”
“You have no tact, or discretion, and apparently you’ve been sticking your dick in the closest sibling with abandon,” Five said.
“Hold up,” Diego said. “Are you trying to… slut-shame me, or something?”
“Five, don’t slut-shame your brother,” Klaus said, turning to the backseat and wagging a finger.
“I am begging you to stop talking,” Five said.
“Wow, look, Diego,” Klaus said. “He begs!”
“Klaus, shut up,” Diego said.
“I never said I was shaming anyone,” Five said. “All I’m saying is that almost all the living members of our family are having sex with Diego with abandon, as if he’s irresistible or something, which is ridiculous. Ridiculous. He’s not— it’s ridiculous. It is ridiculous that everyone is groveling at Diego’s feet and waiting for him to bless them with his attention.”
There was a silence.
“Wow,” Diego said.
“Diego, I think I need to get out of the car,” Klaus said.
“You forget something somewhere again?” Diego said. “I swear to God, the amount of time I spend driving to some restaurant because you were too distracted to pick up your keys—”
“No, I think I need to get out of the car and let you and Five passionately embrace like you so clearly need to do,” Klaus said. He waved a hand in front of his face. “The tension! Just give him the usual, Diego, tell him your pet name for him. Kiss his neck and stroke him and tell him what a good boy he is, how pretty he looks for you, what a sweet thing he is when he moans like that—”
“I’m done here,” Five spat, and he disappeared.
Five didn’t need to hang around Diego and wait for him to pay attention to him, because he was fifty-eight years old and could handle himself and owned a car.
The usual.
Five buckled himself in the stately front seat of the Rolls. He needed to drive. Actually, he needed groceries— essentially what he needed was a loaf of sourdough bread and enough vegetables to make a wan salad, because he’d spent enough time at Vanya’s apartment to learn how to copy regular eating habits— but his brain was stalling, he couldn’t even convince himself going to the store was his new mission, because he was still hung up on the stupid conversation.
He couldn’t not think about it. Heading out to the grocery store without examining it would be like placing a rock in a rock tumbler and not turning the tumbler on and then walking away. Klaus had said, and Five remembered this precisely and vividly: tell him your pet name for him. Kiss his neck and stroke him and tell him what a good boy he is—
Was that Diego’s special pet name for him, or was that the usual? Did Diego usually lean in close and kiss his brother’s neck, feather-light, stubble brushing, laugh in his ear and tell him what a good boy he is, or did Diego lean back in his car after fucking Klaus’s brains out and casually let slip that he had an inventory of pet names for everyone in the family? Five cracked his knuckles. Even that was an awfully Diego gesture, wasn’t it? Good boy.
The passenger side door opened, and Five had a hand on his gun in an instant.
“You gonna give me a ride or what?” Diego said, sliding into the seat and closing the door.
“Get in your own car,” Five said, letting his hand fall off the holster.
“Yeah, I don’t need a ride,” Diego said. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Clearly,” Five said acidly, and he shifted the car into reverse.
“You kidnapping me?”
“You said you wanted a ride.”
“I didn’t want a fucking ride, Five.”
“And yet, I find you in my car.”
“You’re gonna be like this, huh?”
“If you’re going to invite yourself on my errands,” Five said, pulling out of the driveway and nosing the Rolls Royce down the street, “you’ll go where I take you.”
“I’m gonna get you to talk to me,” Diego said, buckling his seatbelt.
“We’ll see,” Five said, revving the engine.
Five was taking them to the middle of fucking nowhere. He took lefts, then rights, memorizing the pattern so he could mirror it to take himself back, and he managed to navigate the car all the way through the city, all the way to the edges where the buildings started to get sparse and the road thinned to a single line snaking through green countryside, before Diego finally said, “This is not an errand.”
“I’m thinking of amending my Rule,” Five said, keeping his eyes on the road. “I used to do well with no showing up in bathrooms or bedrooms, but clearly no place is safe anymore. What would you suggest I do to avoid stepping into your trysts?”
Diego was silent.
“Or is there nothing I can do?” Five said. “Are you, as Klaus implied, inevitable?”
“Didn’t think you’d be the type to want rules,” Diego said.
“I want clarity,” Five said. “I want to know where I stand.”
Good boy.
“Where you stand?” Diego said. There was a note of puzzlement in his voice now.
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Five said, tightening his fists on the steering wheel.
“Pull over, man.”
“I’d prefer not to.”
“I said pull over.”
“And I asked you to explain yourself, and you didn’t do that either.”
“Yeah, I’m not gonna do this,” Diego said, and—
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Five yelped, as Diego leaned over the center console and jerked the steering wheel to the right, aiming the car straight for the side of the road. Five slammed on the brakes before they could veer off the asphalt.
“What is your problem?” he said, yanking the gearshift into park.
“You didn’t do it when I told you,” Diego said, leaning back. “So I had to make you.”
“And I bet you think you can make me do anything,” Five said, reaching for the gearshift again.
Diego reached over and plucked the key out of the ignition.
“Diego,” Five said conversationally, “if you don’t give me that key back, I will stab you with the knife that’s strapped to your own ass.”
“Yeah, given the way you teleport off whenever someone talks about my sex life, I don’t think you could handle being that close to my ass,” Diego said. He turned the key over in his hands. “It ever weird you out that you’re driving Dad’s car?”
“It’s my car,” Five said.
Diego snorted. “Any car’s yours if you’re driving it, huh?”
“I don’t see any fallacy in that statement.”
“What is it about the thought of me having sex that makes you flip your shit?”
Five stopped.
“C’mon. Let’s get some fresh air.”
Five sat for a moment as Diego hefted himself out of the seat and opened the door. He could, he realized, simply teleport away. Diego had the keys. Given a few hours, he could probably navigate himself home. But Diego was here now, unable to get distracted, and this was Five’s chance to look him in the eye, man to man, and tell him to cut it out with the playboy act and the pet names and the bullshit and the touching.
And, of course, that was what he wanted.
Five got out of the car. Diego was leaning against the side of the trunk, looking terribly angelic in the outdoor light.
“Glad you joined me,” Diego said, looking out at the nothing at the side of the road.
Good boy.
“Is it true that you have a different pet name for everyone in the family?” Five said.
“Might be,” Diego said.
“And you have one for me, don’t you.”
Diego looked at him. “That what you think?”
“You’ve certainly got an arsenal for everyone else.”
Diego smiled. It wasn’t exactly a grin; it wasn’t twisted or crooked either, but as he looked out past Five, Five felt wretchedly uncertain.
“Not that much of an arsenal,” Five said. “I presume I could guess whatever you have in store for me.”
“You think so, huh?”
Five looked up at Diego. He truly, truly wished this body were taller.
“I’ll prove it to you,” he said. “I will guess it in a week.”
“You go ahead and do that,” Diego said, leaning back against the car, and Five wanted to sock him in his gorgeous jaw.
Five teleported into the passenger seat of Diego’s car when he was driving home from the police station.
“Sunshine,” he said.
Diego burst into laughter.
Diego wasn’t in his boiler room when Five showed up, so Five grabbed a piece of paper on his desk and wrote on it in block letters, SUGAR?
“It’s probably just baby.”
“It is not,” Diego said, ruffling Five’s hair, and Five jerked away before heat could bloom in his abdomen.
“Sweet thing,” Five told him over morning coffee.
Luther stopped in his tracks in the doorway.
“Nope,” Diego said.
“Damn,” Diego said, opening the door to his boiler room. “You knocked?”
“I switch it up every now and then,” Five said.
Diego looked him up and down. “There some kind of special occasion?”
“I figured it out,” Five said. He’d ironed his blazer for this. He’d even put on aftershave. He’d thought he’d looked handsome, standing in front of the mirror in his room: young but not childish, dashing but not ridiculous. “And I hate it. But I decided what it is. Let me in.”
“Well, look at that,” Diego said, stepping aside for Five to stride in. “You’re going to tell me your secret nickname for you?”
“Close the door.”
Diego closed the door. Five walked into the center of the room and Diego followed him, leaning against the sink.
“Sweet cheeks,” Five said.
For a moment, there was silence.
Five stood still, bracing himself, and then Diego burst out laughing.
Five stared. Diego was laughing harder than Five had ever seen him, nearly cackling, his hand braced on the railing by the stairs to keep him from doubling over. Five crossed his arms over his chest to quell the tide of paralyzing embarrassment rising in him, because apparently there was something worse than Diego ignoring him.
“I gather I’m incorrect,” he said.
“You really thought,” Diego said, bringing his head up, “that all this time I’ve been sitting here, desperately trying to restrain myself— desperately— from calling you sweet cheeks?”
“It’s no more ridiculous than any of your other names,” Five said.
“Yeah, it is,” Diego said, wiping at his eyes. “Ah, man. Stalked me for all that time and you still ended up with that.”
“It’s not my fault,” Five said. “I gave you plenty of plausible guesses and you said no to all of them.”
“Sure,” Diego said.
“This is a you problem.”
“‘Course.”
“I am not in the wrong here.”
“I got it, sweet cheeks, you don’t gotta elaborate,” Diego said, holding up his hands, and Five was at his throat in an instant. “Sorry, I’m sorry, hey, slow down, Five.”
“Don’t fucking tease me,” Five said.
“Wouldn’t want to be a tease,” Diego said. “But you know there are easier ways to do this, right?”
“What?”
“You could have just,” Diego said, “you know— I’m sorry, I still can’t get over sweet cheeks.”
“I need you to stop.”
“Sorry, sorry.”
“Easier ways to do what, though?” Five said.
“You know,” Diego said, and he picked up Five’s jaw and kissed him.
“Sweet cheeks,” Diego said for the thousandth time, tugging on Five’s cock.
“It was a hypothesis,” Five said. He was distinctly disheveled at this point, tie askew, blazer open, straddling Diego’s solid lap on the mattress with his cock in Diego’s hand. “I—”
“You want me to call you that?” Diego said. “Because I can call you that if you want.”
“Resoundingly no,” Five said.
“I mean, you gave me some good ideas,” Diego said. He twisted his wrist and Five bit off a gasp. “Sunshine.”
“Those were not suggestions,” Five said.
“Sure they weren’t, sweet thing.”
Five ground down on Diego’s lap in retaliation. Diego groaned and Five took it as an opportunity to nip at his neck, which Diego took as a signal to grab Five and haul him closer, which Five’s cock took as an invitation to throb and Five cleared his throat because he needed— he needed.
“Say it,” Five said.
“Say what?”
“You know,” Five said. “Your— your name. For me.”
“Oh,” Diego said. “You know I never said I had one, right?”
Five’s stomach dropped. “You don’t?”
“It’s not like I have a list for all the people in the family,” Diego said. “Like I said, it’s not complicated.”
“You call different people different things,” Five said. “Luther’s ‘big guy.’ Vanya’s ‘angel.’”
“Right,” Diego said, “but I’m getting this impression that you think I have some master plan, and it’s really, really not that complicated.”
“Of course,” Five said.
Diego threw him a look. “You look like I just kicked your puppy.”
“You mean I did all that guessing for nothing?” Five said. “I showed up at your apartment with those names for no reason?”
“Nah, I had fun with it,” Diego said.
“But you really didn’t have one?”
Five’s voice cracked. With the new body, that wasn’t supposed to happen anymore, but Diego was looking down at him with such an expression and he was still hard in Diego’s hand, and he swallowed hard.
“Of course you don’t have one,” he said. “How silly of me to think you’d be organized. You can just give me your usual treatment.”
“My usual?”
“Yes,” Five said acidly. “A few little affectionate nicknames so you can add me to your sibling harem. A handjob, maybe entreating me into blowing you—”
“Hey,” Diego said sharply. “You wanna look at me or are you gonna keep running your mouth?”
“Keep running my mouth, thank you,” Five said. Diego’s fingers were still curled around his cock and he had to keep himself from thrusting, needy little jerks; he didn’t need that, he didn’t need Diego. “Because if you think you’re keeping me captive and listening to you by sitting me on your lap and kissing me and petting me, you’re wrong. I’m perfectly willing to get up and leave, handjob be damned. Which is perfectly fine with me. I don’t— I don’t need you to take care of me, I don’t need you to finish me off. I’m fine. As God is my witness I will leave your apartment hard because unlike some of us, I’m not inclined to let myself be led around helplessly by the whims of my cock.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Diego said. “You got jealous, huh?”
“I don’t want to be your usual,” Five said.
“The hell are you getting this ‘usual’ from?” Diego said. “I’ve never said anything about that in my life.”
“Klaus said in the car,” Five said. “That you should give me your usual, call me your ‘good boy’ or— or something—”
His dick twitched in Diego’s hand.
Diego looked down at Five’s lap.
Five cleared his throat.
“Message received,” Diego said, and suddenly his fingers were hot, tight on every millimeter of Five’s skin. “Klaus is full of shit, by the way. No such thing as my usual.”
“Great,” Five said dryly. “Everyone’s special.”
“Yeah, some people are more special than others,” Diego said. “Five, you little shit. You kicked up that whole tantrum because you wanted me to call you a—?”
“Don’t,” Five said. There was a hard edge of warning in his voice. “Not a tantrum. You know I’m not a kid.”
“Believe me, if you were a kid,” Diego said, twisting his hand around Five’s cock, “I wouldn’t be wanting to touch you like this.”
Five clenched his fists.
“It’s funny because I’m starting to get this feeling that you want to be sweet for me,” Diego said.
Five flushed. He wasn’t about to lose an argument.
“I can bring it,” Diego said. “Oh, sweetheart, I see how it is. You saw what you wanted, you got cagey, didn’t want to tell me what you were angling for, but I know. And I think you know I know.”
His voice was low in Five’s ear.
“You don’t gotta hide it,” Diego said. “You don’t gotta be coy about it or pretend you don’t want it or try any of that reverse-psychology shit.”
“I think,” Five said, voice tight and out of breath, “it’s abundantly clear how much I am not hiding— anything.”
Diego chuckled. “Ask me for it.”
“For what?”
Diego mimicked Five’s voice. “You know.”
“Jesus,” Five said. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“That’s what you get for being all cryptic and shit,” Diego said, still jerking his cock. It wasn’t fair. Five’s thighs trembled and Diego laughed.
“Call me the name,” Five said, screwing his eyes shut.
“Which—”
“Not sweet cheeks,” Five said, eyes flying open—
“I got you, sweetheart,” Diego said, laying a hand on the back of Five’s neck like a brand. He pulled Five in and Five was convinced Diego could feel how his heart was beating in every part of his body, pulsing, need and want from his face to his fingertips to his dick. “There we go, huh?”
“Diego,” Five gasped.
“There we go,” Diego repeated, and his fingers were curling around the back of Five’s neck. “Yeah, you’re good for me. You act like such a hardass, but you fall apart so pretty, don’t you? Not gonna make you answer that, sweetheart. You look a little occupied.”
Five raised a shaking hand to give Diego the finger, but accidentally poked him in the chin. Diego caught the finger and kissed it, making eye contact with him, and Five shuddered as another mental image bloomed in his mind as Diego sucked on the tip of Five’s finger and his finger was wet and his dick was hard in Diego’s other hand and Five was making noises now, probably, as he imagined Diego making eye contact with him and lowering those lips onto Five’s cock— or Five would open his mouth and take Diego into his mouth, he could feel him, there was something poking hard into his thigh, and Diego’s hand would press hot on his face, takin’ it all for me, shit, that’s it, good—
“You’re in your head,” Diego said, squeezing his cock.
“You’re,” Five said, and he ground his leg down onto the bulge in Diego’s pants. “You’re—”
“I’m busy, sweetheart,” Diego said. “You can worry about me later. Right now, I’m just gonna tell you, you look so gorgeous for me, fucked-up and shaking like you’re gonna break down, you’re better than good, Five, sweetheart, you’re perfect, such, such a fucking—”
There was a thin line between Five and the finish line, and Diego was coming for it.
“Good boy,” Diego said, and Five let out a cry as he arched his back and came, shuddering, splattering the hem of Diego’s sweater.
Diego’s hands on his back were steady now, secure and warm as Five came down from his orgasm. Five felt Diego’s fingers on his spine and he sighed, letting himself lean into Diego’s warmth, and he fell in and rested his face on Diego’s shoulder.
“Today I learned,” Diego said, “that my brother Five goes stupid if you give him enough TLC.”
“Shut up,” Five mumbled.
“That not it? Is it just ‘good boy’?”
“If you abuse this information, I will end you,” Five said.
“Why’d I ever wanna risk getting killed by someone so adorable?” Diego said, stretching. He cracked his neck. “It’d be embarrassing.”
Five flushed. A hundred retorts lined his mind, but his dick was out of his pants, his undershirt was soaked through with sweat, and his button-down was starting to get damp. Still, he couldn’t exactly complain. Diego was looking at him, eyes soft, and Five let himself buzz in the entirety of his attention, the intensity of Diego’s one hundred percent. Diego reached for his hand and took it, blunt fingernails on Five’s embarrassingly soft skin.
“Besides,” Diego said, spreading his legs, “I think I got something better to do.”