Chapter Text
Clarke Griffin jolts awake, gasping for air as she pushes sweaty strands of golden hair off her face. Her breathing is ragged and uneven, and she can feel her nightgown clinging to her body from the cold sweat that covers her skin. She quickly glances at Madi’s sleeping form and lets out a small sigh of relief, glad that she at least hadn’t woken up her daughter.
Laying back down, her heart aches at the memory that haunted her dreams.
Blue eyes lock with green as a deafening sound rings out and the smell of gunpowder fills the air. Lexa’s eyes go wide with shock, her eyes darting towards her abdomen as blood starts to seep through her shirt. When their gazes meet again, Lexa collapses onto the floor.
“Help me get her to the bed!” Clarke cries, her heart beating erratically as fear spikes into her.
Titus, who had been mumbling unconsolably, snaps to his senses. He lifts Lexa up and lowers her onto the fur. Pushing him aside, Clarke immediately applies pressure to the wound. She wishes with all her might that this is just a bad dream and that soon enough she’ll wake in Lexa’s arm. Yet the strong metallic smell and the sight of her hands drenched in black blood are enough to know it’s not true.
As Lexa struggles for breath, Clarke croaks, “Don’t you dare give up. I am not letting you die.”
Her heart pounds hard in her chest as blood starts to pool on the bed. Too much blood. Without the proper tools, there is little she can do. As the realization sinks in, agonizing pain rips through her.
“Ai gonplei ste odon.”1 Lexa whispers.
A lump forms in Clarke’s throat and she feels her eyes sting with tears. Closing her eyes, she prays to whoever is out there to save the woman she loves. To give her a miracle.
“Klark.” As she meets her gaze, she feels Lexa’s cold hands cover her own. “You were right Klark. Life is about more than just surviving.”
“May we meet again.”
It has been over 6 years – no, if you wanted to get technical, it has been over 131 years – since Lexa’s death. Over the years the loss, once heart wrenching, has transformed into a dull ache, amplified at times at the mention of her name. Tonight however, it seems like the wound is ripped anew. Every emotion she felt that fateful night washes through her, pain pounding at her door as if trying to remind her it’s still there. Dormant, but there.
She could hear how her voice quaked as she whispered the Skaikru’s rites. She could feel how her hands which were drenched in Lexa’s blood stuck to the furs on the bed. She could taste Lexa’s soft lips as she finally said her goodbye.
She knows sleep will not return.
Letting out a harsh sigh, Clarke wipes the tears that threaten to fall down her cheek and shakes her head to clear away the image. Pushing herself off the bed, Clarke steadies herself on her feet, slowly making way towards the open window, her clothes and skin prickling as the light breeze hits her. When she reaches her destination, she is greeted by two suns that currently paint the sky in soft yellow and orange hues. The town is quiet, save for the sound of insects. For a moment she lets the scenery wash over her, relishing in the small respite from the memories that threatened to tear her apart.
‘Wonder if you would have liked it here Lexa?’ she muses.
As her mind starts to drift towards the inevitable darkness that followed after Lexa’s death, a glint of brown hair catches her eyes. Clarke’s brow furrows as she watches Raven making her way towards Ryker’s machine shop. It’s been over 2 months since they’ve landed in Sanctum, and every day Raven can be found hunched at a desk fiddling with several scraps of metal. Her work is a mystery to the blonde. In Clarke’s defense, she had tried to ask her about it, but was only greeted with cold shoulders. Out of everyone that had awoken from cryosleep, Raven was the only one that refused to forgive her for what she did back on Earth. To be honest, Clarke’s doesn’t think she deserves it.
However, it doesn’t stop her from getting dressed and following swiftly after the brunette.
The soft clink of metal reaches Clarke’s ears as she rounds the corner towards the shop. As she approaches the door, she suddenly halts. To her surprise, Jordan’s leaning over Raven’s shoulder, bouncing anxiously on the balls of his feet.
“Relax Jordan, I’m putting the finishing touches and then it’s good to go.” Raven says.
“I know, I’m sorry. I just want to make sure it’s perfect.” Jordan replies. “What if Delilah –”
“She’s going to love it.” Raven says, cutting in. As an afterthought, she quips, “If she hates it, she can take it up with me and I’ll promptly kick her ass. Or make her some glasses because she clearly can’t see well.”
Clarke watches the interaction with a smile on her face. If only Monty and Harper were here to see how quickly their son had grown in these few months. From the way he is describing Delilah to Raven, she can tell that he loves her. He moves his arms energetically as he illustrates, in painstaking detail, how he plans to surprise her. Raven clearly amused with the situation keeps nodding politely while attempting to put the final touches on the necklace.
Clarke feels her heart tighten as she realizes she never had the chance to give Lexa a gift. If they had more time, she imagined she would have given Lexa one of her sketches. Plus some candles for good measure. It seemed like she really liked them.
Suddenly feeling like an intruder in their conversation, Clarke starts to slowly back away. Before she can slip unnoticed, a pair of eyes reaches hers. Raven’s jaw clenches, her eyes narrowing as she stares at Clarke. For a second, Clarke thinks she’s about to get yelled at, but instead Raven sighs.
“What are you doing here Clarke?” she asks quietly.
“Couldn’t sleep. Thought going for a walk would help clear my mind. It’s beautiful by the way.” Clarke says, pointing at the necklace in Raven’s hand which she now saw was a calla lily.
Glancing down at her creation, Raven gives Clarke a curt nod and a murmur of thanks before carefully placing the necklace in a small velvet box and handing it over to Jordan. Pushing herself off the chair, she exits the space, leaving the two of them in an awkward silence. ‘At least she didn’t yell at me.’ Clarke ruminates. ‘Progress.’
“Um… Good morning Clarke. Are you attending the Naming Day festivities?”
Clarke bristles at this question. How could she forget? For the past week the habitants of Sanctum spoke of nothing but the festival. According to their leader, Russell Lightbourne, the day marks the return of Priya, a member of one of the four original families (known as "The Primes") that colonized Sanctum. Delilah, Jordan’s girlfriend, would be receiving her name.
Pursing her lips, Clarke remembers asking the people about the ceremony and what it meant, but all she got in return was less than satisfactory replies. It was enough to drive Clarke crazy, but she had to remind herself not to pry. ‘I hope we do better there.’ That’s what Monty said. If people seem happy here and are leading a peaceful life, who was she to question their beliefs and traditions? If the Grounders can worship an AI chip, couldn’t the people of Sanctum worship the Primes as if they were Gods?
“Clarke?”
Waking from her thoughts, she says without skipping a beat, “Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”
After Jordan excuses himself to go spend time with Delilah, Clarke finds herself alone again. Her mind wanders back to Lexa, and she can’t shake the feeling that the dream had somehow been a sign. Not wanting to think about it any longer, Clarke decides she might as well get ready for Naming Day if only to keep her mind busy.
***
Nightfall is fast approaching as people start to make their way into the town square. With the opening ceremony long gone, people are now getting ready for the real fun. Or so Clarke was told.
“So… did you observe the four pillars of Sanctum?”
Clarke turns at the sound, spotting a grinning Bellamy making his way towards her. His outfit, dark and edgy, is a strong contrast from the warm hues that the townsfolk seemed to favor.
“Oh yeah. Repent. Renew. Rejoice. Rebirth. It’s my new motto.” Clarke deadpans.
Bellamy chuckles as he stands next to her. “I can see that.” He says, pointing at the sweat and grime that marred her features. “Were you trying to be rebrown as a gona2?”
“I just had a lot on my mind.” Clarke answers flatly. “Training helps.”
“Ok.” Bellamy says, an undercurrent of concern lacing his voice. “Everyone is getting ready for the closing ceremony. You should too.”
Clarke only nods. They quickly lapse into silence before Bellamy makes his way back to his temporary house to get ready. Once he is gone, Clarke lets out a long sigh. Sitting roughly on the ground, she tries to shake out the tension in her body. Despite working her muscles to exhaustion, her mind is still whirling. She tries not to think of Lexa. She tries not to ache for her. She implores herself to stop. ‘You’re gone. Dead. It’s been years.’ she curses. ‘Yesterday I was fine. Why is today different?’
She startles at the voice suddenly shattering her train of thought. “Clarke?” Madi whispers, blue eyes staring at her as she takes a seat next to her.
“Hey Madi.” Clarke says, blinking rapidly to stop tears from falling her face.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Clarke croaks. She curses the complete lack of conviction in her statement. She adds, “I didn’t sleep very well so I’m just tired.”
Madi stares at her for a long moment before saying, “Lexa is worried about you.”
Clarke balks, not expecting to hear Lexa’s name. The idea that Lexa has been a constant presence throughout this whole day gives her pause.
Taking Clarke’s silence for something else, Madi gently says, “I’m sorry. I noticed you’ve been acting strange today.” She hesitates before continuing, “During my lesson, Gaia asked me to listen to the Commanders. I couldn’t hear anyone else except Lexa. She kept shutting everyone else up and kept trying to ask about you. She wanted to know what’s on your mind.”
Clarke lets out a soft chuckle. She imagines Lexa with her hands clasped behind her back and her spine as straight and regal as ever. Her jaw working back and forth as she glares at the other commanders while she takes control of the discussion. She definitely wouldn’t want to cross Flame Lexa.
“To be honest –“
“There you are. Look, everyone is already dressed and waiting for your highnesses to lead them to the ceremony. Can you two please go get ready so Emori can finally let me drink?” Murphy says, swinging both hands in the direction of their house. He looks at them expectantly, not caring that he clearly interrupted their mother-daughter discussion.
With an apologetic look to Madi, Clarke lets out a long sigh and says, “Sure Murphy.”
***
The palace entrance is packed with people, the burning torches casting a warm glow on the leaders in front of them. Delilah is already kneeling in front of Russell, her beautiful white dress fluttering slightly with the wind. Clarke grins as she notices Jordan beaming at his girlfriend. As Delilah rises, her attention is brought back to Russell’s speech.
“You have been chosen like each of us to receive the great miracle of Sanctum. Do you accept this honor?”
“Yes, holiness. I do.” Delilah replies with a slight quiver in her voice.
“Very well. Then come forward and be so named.” Russell announces as all the Primes step back, creating a walkway.
Moving towards her destination, Delilah suddenly falters in her steps. Ignoring their expectant gazes, she dashes back towards Jordan, giving him a long kiss before whispering something in his ears. With a sad look in her eyes, she turns around and disappears through the door, leaving Jordan befuddled. Clarke purses her lips, her mind trying to make sense of what she had just witnessed.
“What was that about?” Bellamy questions, but Clarke only shakes her head.
Suddenly she feels a soft poke on her shoulder. Looking behind her, her breath hitches roughly in her throat as she finds herself staring into warm green eyes.
“I noticed you and your friends didn’t have any paper lanterns. I brought you some so you can participate in the ceremony. Just write down your sins and when the time is right, we light them up and release them.” The girl says softly as she holds up several paper lanterns and pens.
Clarke gapes, completely stunned in front of the girl. Her heart feels like it has jammed itself somewhere between her ribs and her throat. Her body feels paralyzed. The brunette’s brow furrows as Clarke makes no attempt to take the lantern from her possession.
Madi steps forward and subtly clears her throat before replying, “Um. Thank you.”
Handing the items off to Madi, the girl gives her a small smile. “You look familiar, do I –“ she starts, but the girl has already turned around and disappeared into the crowd. “Weird.” Madi mutters under her breath.
As she starts to pass the materials to their friends, she notices that Clarke hadn’t moved one bit. Shifting closer to her, she murmurs, “Clarke. What happened back there? Are you okay?”
Before Clarke can begin to formulate an answer, the doors suddenly open and Delilah, or now Priya, saunters through, regale in her posture and wearing a completely different dress. The crowd starts to cheer as the guards flank to her side.
Once the crowd settles, Russell announces, “It is my great honor to present Priya. 7th of her line.”
“Hallowed be her name.” The crowd replies in unison.
With a quick light of his torch, Russell begins to set the rest on fire. “And now through fire we purify Sanctum and release our sins.”
As if on cue, countless lanterns start to float up into the night. The lights dancing like fireflies amongst the canvas of the night sky. The scene is breathtaking, but Clarke is completely oblivious of its beauty. All she can see is the bright green eyes of the brunette that had stared back at her. As the lanterns start to zap through Sanctum’s protective force field, creating a pseudo firework, Clarke can only think of one thing.
“Lexa.”