Chapter Text
I couldn’t feel something new now, it didn’t make sense. Waking up, all I did was feel as if my body was getting attached to a new one, some new plan which made no sense. I was a pawn, I always felt like one, specifically when Xigbar shook me all those days, or was it years back? I didn’t know what time meant. My head would just split in half when I would see the man with one eye look at me. Once he had snuck into my bedroom, as I had just finished a shower and he was humming a song which I had sang in my dream the night before, explaining that it was as old as the light was.
“Didn’t you say the light was going to expire?” I had asked him, taking both of us back, as I attempted to dry my mohawk mess of a hair. I didn’t put much product in it, due to the pest in my room. Hair could’ve been dealt with later.
“Demyx…” He said quietly, grinning like a happy blood-thirsty shark. “That was something you’d use to tell me.”
A silence would be between us, as he sat on my bed expecting something, maybe a command, and soon enough I caught his innuendo, but I didn’t care who I had been before. I knew that I was a somebody but they had no connection to what I was now. I knew that Xigbar wanted us to play our own game, where we would just blow out the candle of light forever, because we knew how to dwell with light no longer playing.
It’s not like creatures of the dark realm just manifest in light. We needed to aid ourselves.
I didn’t like his idea of going away so soon, so I jumped on him, pinning him down and his face softened, eye closed, chin lifted, but I did nothing.
I knew that soon we would be able to turn off light entirely and no one knew anything about it.
Xigbar… Luxu… He saw everything. That’s why I commanded him to remove his eye, because I knew that he would never leave my side, he would tell me like a puppy. I’d get reborn and so would he. We were playing a game of cards where we would shuffle and some side would win, the other would lose and there was no point in playing chess, because all we needed was luck.
Xehanort was an utter fool who craved things for himself, while we just wanted the light out. We were like darklings, our Chirithies long lost and looking at the world with their red eyes, cackling as if everything had been lost and nothing gained.
I looked at the man who was aging underneath me, not understanding how come the hand of time was so kind to me, when scars, a missing eye and age was playing on his skin. But then maybe that was the price… because I couldn’t understand Luxu-
Luxu’s loyalty towards me, how he had held onto the keyblade with his own eye for so long only to tell me in hushed whispers that he would get it back. It didn’t make sense.
Nothing did. It felt like he had taken my plan and my hand and drawn all over the blueprints with all the things that have been missing. Why was my mind gone and why was I different?
I gave in and I let my body go on top of his, my nose against the cheek underneath his seeing eye. He opened it and turned to face me.
“You’re so young.” He told me and I just shrugged. He was taking all the possible blows, which made no sense, but then I’ve lived a thousand lives and I’d make myself die as soon as possible, keep my head down and pluck the strings of my sitar to avoid confrontation, to not babble and to make as much sense as was needed.
“It’s so strange…” Luxu proceeded to talk quietly. “I always thought that it was how you would look forever with your hood up. A blonde. That’s quite a bubbly colour. As if you’d have dyed it for some other purpose like entertain a party. But then you weren’t one to show anyone anything… Only now, with you so young… When you’re reborn, I see what you always really were, Master.”
I look away. Indeed I have died one times too many. But what could we do? I couldn’t even remember last night’s dream even if I knew that I had Luxu wrapped around my finger deliberately and with his own feelings as he stroked my wet hair with his hand. Not to mention the fact that we were stuck in the castle that Never Was, not even bothering with
Xemnas trying to find a trio of children which we would only need later. All we needed was to confuse Sora.
What a boring life had I chosen now. I grabbed the pillow closer to me and stroked Luxu’s cheek hastily before getting off him, laying down and we watched each other in silence, no feelings said in this life. I remember vividly when we were lovers. But the night was sleepless, we just said nothing in the very beginning, as if replaying the memories of Daybreak Town which Luxu was first sought to destroy with our very own hands.
It wasn’t like I had asked him to flood the whole thing, or burn it down, but he felt and cried, already with one eye, that I had made him do it. I remember grabbing him by the coat, opening a portal and getting out just to be there at the right time.
Luxu knew that I had loved him, but it was a love he didn’t want, I thought. Among an array of lovers where one had the entire duration of an eternity, I still didn’t know how he could doubt himself for all the loyalty he had given me, even for the things which went past the scheming… For all the days we had played on the beach or wandered off into the snow, with both of us laughing that we could never come back, that we could screw the plan, that we could just let light fight itself over and never rewrite anything, let people’s greed take over and we’d still have the same results only we would be playing a chess board instead. We’d be watching as well, like a game of tennis, moving our head from side to side in boredom, seeing what Xehanort was up to and then how light would crawl up on our shirts.
But did it matter? It was a question Luxu had asked me. Why were we so keen on living in such a world?
I had turned to him, just like now, and said nothing, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead, before knocks could be heard from some shit Xemnas plan ahead of us where I would die first.