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“I’m going to die,” Bruce sobs into Thor’s shirt, making it wet with his tears. “Oh god, I’m going to die.”
It’s pitch-black in their bedroom on the Commodore, and the shadows seem to creep up the walls. Bruce can feel them cradle his head within their hands and squeeze ever so softly. It makes him panic, reminding him of the way his mother clung to him while his father screamed and drank. And Thor holds him like a porcelain doll that could break at any moment.
Thor shushes him gently and runs his rough, calloused hands through Bruce’s tangled hair. Bruce draws in shaky breaths, each of them violently rattling his ribcage. He’s pathetic, a good for nothing bastard that breaks down because of a nightmare. And he knows Thor thinks the same way.
“Did you have another nightmare?” Thor asks Bruce softly, holding him close, as if he might run off. Bruce scoffs and tries to push himself away from Thor, but he only tightens his grip. He acts like he cares. Bruce knows he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care he doesn’t carehedoesn’tcare-.
“Would you like me to get Loki?” Thor interrupts Bruce’s thoughts and shifts so he can hold his face in his hands, forcing Bruce to look him in the eyes. Thor’s eyes are filled with worry and concern, and he’s frowning. This has happened before, but not to such an extent and Loki has been using his magic to send Bruce back into a dreamless sleep. Loki doesn’t care, Bruce thinks, he’s just a burden to him.
Bruce fights Thor, trying to pull away by beating at his chest. Thor reacts, letting Bruce go relently. He crawls into a dark corner and brings his knees up to his chest and burying his face in them. His hands reach up to grip his hair, and he pulls hard.
“Bruce-” Thor says, coming off the bed and kneeling down close to Bruce. He reaches out to grab Bruce’s hands to peel them off his hair but Bruce jerks.
A heartbreaking and terrifying scream comes out of Bruce’s throat and he pulls harder on his hair, nearly pulling it from his scalp.
The monster threatens to come out.
Bruce sobs, and Thor can do nothing but sit there, wondering what he did to bring Bruce to this state. Thor uses what little magic he has to call for Loki, and Loki comes running into the room, the door slamming against the wall when it swings open.
Bruce screams again, because his father is here and he’s here to hurt him and he killed mom and he’ll kill him too. In the back of his mind he can hear his father’s car engine revving up and can see his mother’s bloody head on the ground and he can’t escape because he’ll kill him too. He doesn’t want to die but he’d rather die by his own hand than his father’s and so he pushes the barrier in front of him away and he thinks he hears his name being shouted but he presses onward, even when someone grips his wrists tightly. His eyes are screwed shut but he fights back, screaming and kicking the figure in front of him. He strikes him hard in the groin and can hear him fall back onto someone, but he doesn’t know who.
Bruce opens his eyes, and he sees his childhood room. He kept a knife under his pillow just in case and he throws the pillow to the other side of the room but the knife isn’t there and he panics. He hears his name again, and he thinks it’s his father so he tries to find the knife quickly, opening dresser drawers and rummaging through them until he finds something sharp touch his palm.
He lifts it up to his neck as quickly as he can but he feels hands grab his wrist and jerk it away from his neck forcefully while more hands grab him from behind. He sees his father in front of him and sees him rip the knife from his hands and fling it behind him.
“No!” Bruce screams, fighting the person holding him from behind. He doesn’t really want to die; he’s just tired of fighting and he’s so scared. The person behind him pulls him to the other side of the bed and holds him there. His father walks up to him, smiling wickedly, and Bruce finally gives up, falling limply on the bed and just crying softly to himself. The person holding him down takes his hands off of him and kneels down next to his head, running his hands threw his hair.
Bruce looks to the side to look at him and he sees that the person beside him is crying and shaking. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, but Bruce thinks that he’s beautiful, so he reaches out to touch his cheek. His cheek is rough and hairy, and it’s somehow very familiar.
Who knew death could be so calming.
His father kneels down before the beautiful man and places two fingers on his temple. Bruce blinks and suddenly his father isn’t there anymore.
Loki is there, and next to him is Thor. Why is Thor crying? Did Bruce do something wrong? And why is Loki here, looking positively terrified, even though he tries to hide it?
“What’s wrong?” Bruce asks, and he hears how raspy his voice is. Was he screaming?
“I believe you were having a panic attack, Bruce.” Loki says, his voice wavering slightly. Suddenly the memories start coming back, and Bruce feels tears steadily drip out of his eyes.
“What did you do to make it stop?” Bruce asks, feeling exhausted. Loki lifts his fingers to Bruce’s temple once again, and he can feel magic fill his head, making him calmer and slowing his heartbeat. “Oh.” He mumbles, pressing his face down into the pillow.
“My love,” Thor says shakily, clutching Bruce’s hand. “What happened?”
Bruce stares at the carpet beneath the bed, avoiding Thor’s gaze. “It was so dark, Thor. It was like I was floating in a void. It was peaceful for a while, and eventually I saw you. You were shining so brightly, and it hurt my eyes. I reached out for you, but you were too far away. Then I felt someone grab me. When I turned around, I realized that it was my father and suddenly I was at my old house and I saw my mom’s bloody head on the ground, beneath one of the wheels of my father’s truck.
“I tried to escape, but my father threw me to the ground and held me there. I saw you just standing there in the distance, still shining. I called for you, but you didn’t hear me. I was so scared, Thor. He was going to kill me and there was nothing I could do.” Bruce cries, and Thor lifts him off of the bed and holds him close.
“I will always find you, Bruce.” Thor tells him, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s head. “No one in the galaxy will ever harm you; this I swear.”
Bruce eventually calms, and that’s when Loki finally makes his presence known again. “Would you like me to send you off to sleep, Banner?” He asks gently. Bruce shakes his head under Thor’s chin. “I’m ok, thanks, Loki.” He replies quietly.
Thor draws back, and lets Bruce lean against their bed. They lace their hands together and sit there for a moment. “When I was younger,” Thor starts, glancing at Loki nervously. “my father and I would fight constantly. Our yelling would shake the palace walls. Loki would always get overwhelmed and find a corner to conceal himself in. I would always discover him hours later huddled in the same position you were in earlier, and hundreds of birds would swarm around him, their chirping drowning out the sounds of our shouting.”
Thor sees Loki glaring at him without any heat, and so he continues. “Our mother thought the best option was to find Loki before he starts to panic and take him to a beach near the palace so he could learn and practice elemental magic.”
“It was an extremely good distraction.” Loki cuts in, looking slightly embarrassed.
“I was thinking that maybe we could find something to distract you when you start feeling overwhelmed?” Thor suggests, placing his free hand on Bruce’s cheek. “If you would like.”
“That would be perfect.” Bruce answers, placing his hand over Thor’s and looking at him as if he was the sun. “Thank you both.” He says. Thor chuckles and leans forward, kissing Bruce’s nose, making him giggle.
“Alright,” Loki groans, standing up and stretching. “I don’t need to see that. See you in the morning, lovebirds.” Bruce and Thor laugh as he leaves, not feeling even slightly embarrassed.
Thor wraps his arms around his boyfriend and holds him close for the rest of the night.