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"So, what, you installed a subspace terminal emulator under the kitchen sink when you said you were fixing the garbage disposal?"
"They don't need terminals. New modification with onboard power. These two are early prototypes, which is why they wound up as paperweights on my desk."
"Where they weren't any fun at all."
"Am I being an insensitive jerk? I know you've got some baggage from your first experience with these things."
"Leaving Harrid and Sallis to die horrifically as victims of a massive clusterfuck we initiated while they were lying unconscious in our infirmary, yeah, kinda not over that yet. I don't blame the stones, though. But I have another question."
"Shoot."
"Is there something wrong with our sex life? Because it seems to me we're pretty good at enjoying these bodies when we stay in the ones we start out in, and rather than being separated by countless light-years at the moment, we're alone together, in our bedroom, with a whole uninterrupted weekend of leisure -- "
"Which we've capitalized on five memorable times so far, by my count -- "
"Six. You forgot me going off in my pants when you kissed me hello in the foyer."
" -- and if you run true to form the next thing you'll be reaching for is that drawer of toys."
"So really you're just introducing a new kind of toy."
"It was these or the candy pouch thongs, and rainbow pastels wash out my complexion."
"The fact that we have exhausted the inventory of every adult-products vendor on the World Wide Web -- "
"Means we have an outstanding sex life. Anyway, you bought ninety percent of that stuff."
"I like toys. So do you."
"Ergo, more toys."
"Highly classified, astronomically expensive prototype technology?"
"Don't say I never give you anything nice."
"There's no way these were just lying around on your desk."
"Latest models are half the mass. There's a reason these made good paperweights."
"You really never got over the fact that you didn't get to go play with me in the men's room before Ma'chello's machine switched us back."
"Didn't occur to me 'til after. I wouldn't have done it anyway -- then."
"Whereas now ... "
"Maybe I just want to be the one with the freakishly short refractory period for a change."
"Maybe you have a freakishly narcissistic side you've concealed from me all these years."
"Would that be so bad?"
"Actually, no. But watching you do it with you would be hotter than being you while you're doing you."
"But then I'd be doing it with somebody else. This way I'm still doing you."
"That's a persuasive point."
"I thought you'd think so, given that you turned down three propositions from yourself out of a heartwarming commitment to fidelity that robbed me of hours of unparalleled video entertainment."
"They only managed a quickie in an unsurveilled storeroom with my camcorder, and I did offer to run off a copy for you before I gave it to ... whichever one of me it was."
"I didn't want to watch it. None of them were you."
"Washington has turned you into a freakishly good liar."
"No it hasn't. It's re-sharpened skills I let slide when I came out of the black, and we don't use those skills on each other. Three minutes of that recording and I'd probably blow, but plenty of things that don't involve you would do that to me and I have a heartwarming commitment to fidelity. And in case I never said so, I was glad you said no. And I know you were tempted. And here's your chance."
"It would be kind of fascinating to find out how much of what feels good is specific to mind or body."
"You like a gentle hand on your dick and rough stimulation on your balls, I like exactly the opposite. Perfect experimental subjects."
"If only one of us had a foreskin."
"That could only end in tears of foreskin envy."
"I guess I wouldn't mind knowing what it feels like to have that much sensitivity in my nipples."
"And chest hair. And presbyopia instead of myopia. Also bad knees, a dozen extra years, we do not speak of how many extra pounds ... "
"You know what I think of the years and the pounds. And the reading glasses, for that matter. But then, I'd find out exactly what your knees could take ... "
"You already know exactly what my knees can take. New ones as soon as this Lucian Alliance problem is sorted anyway. I do regret not taking your glasses off during the musical chairs, though. Wouldn't mind finally having a handle on the vision thing."
"This isn't actually all about sex, is it."
"My libido seems to think it is. I'm harder than one of those stones."
"Yeah, I can feel that. Me too."
"Yeah. Oh yeah. Definitely feel that."
"OK, I'm into this. The idea of it. But you're right about the knees. I already know your body inside out, and you know mine. You know exactly what your body does to me. It turns you on to know. It makes it hotter. But you've always said you didn't see it when you look in the mirror -- you never understood what I see, how unfuckingbelievably sexy you are. If your body doesn't do it for you while you're in here, you might, I don't know, it might ... change something we can't undo by switching back."
"Huh. Maybe. Your body does it for you, though."
"Too one-sided a reason. And I wasn't as tempted as you thought, Jack. My body does it for me when it's you touching it. Looking at it. Like now. Like ... yeah. Like that."
"I still get to imagine what makes you writhe like that when I do this, right?"
"Oh, god."
" ... or this ... "
"Yes, unnh, yes ... and I can still tell you ... in detail ... exactly how it ... feels when ... you ... oh, god."
"Except when you go nonverbal. When I do this -- "
"Nngh -- "
" -- for example."
"Fuh ... fuh ... full report ... after ... wards ... "
"Don't need one. It's written all over you right now. Here ... and here ... "
"Jack ... "
"That's it. That's it. Push into it. Yeah."
"Jack ... "
"Right behind you. That's it. Come on. Let go."
"Jaaaaaaaa -- "
"Oh yeah. Fuck. Yeah -- Daniel -- yeah, god, oh -- "
...
...
"Whoooo."
"Mmmmmmm."
...
...
...
...
"You know, we get off in thirty seconds with you humping my thigh while you masturbate me after doing almost nothing but have sex for a day and a half. We so, so, so do not need sex toys."
"And you know I didn't really bring them home for that."
"You want one permanently assigned to me so that no matter what happens to me, no matter how far away, I can be in contact with you."
"Next step is miniaturization. Sub-cu implants. Pressure activation. Lee can do it. I have faith."
"So I guess you left work before you got my email about taking myself out of gate-duty rotation."
" ... I guess I did."
"You remember that thing you said once about a kind of O. Henry gift?"
"O. Henry would've had me show up here waving a PCS back to the SGC while you were walking into the condo to surprise me with your teaching gig at the War College or NDU. Or something, you know, more creative but equally ironic. This is just nuts."
"NDU or the War College is nuts. Georgetown or Hopkins, maybe. I'd probably commute to the Kennedy School."
"You can't leave active gate duty. That's what you do."
"Look who's talking!"
"Daniel ... "
"I'm not leaving active gate duty. I'm just done with frontline special operations. I'm a researcher and explorer now, plus the whole uber-civilian-consultant thing. I'm forty-five years old and I have a partner to consider. Other people can handle the crazy shit. I'll just poke around quiet ruins and work at my desk 'til you're done and we can figure out the next thing. Plus this way I can devote more time to solving the IOA problem. I have some ideas about how to relieve them of the operational control they grabbed with the purse strings. It doesn't require taking the program public or handing it off to NATO or the UN before Henry's ready. I can do it without jeopardizing his reelection. But I need to be on Earth."
"Huh. I ... wow. This is ... good."
"Yes, it is."
"Well, you're still keeping the stone. People get beamed up from right behind their own desks. Quiet ruins turn out to be ... not. Criminal alliances win the new arms race and blow North America to hell. This way, something happens, you write me a note and grab the stone."
"You'll write me a note too, right?"
"I'll write you a note too."
"OK."
"OK."
...
...
"We could swap and just masturbate."
"Just thinkin' the same thing. Grab the box."
"Now? But it'll be at least an hour before ... you ... "
"Yes, Daniel? You were saying?"
"You are so going to wait for me."
"You've been waiting for me for three years. Won't even the score, but it's a start."