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Levi stared down the being that threatened the cleanliness of his castle, refusing to break eye contact even as its beady brown eyes stared back.
“ Petra get that goddamn duck out of my castle or so help me god.”
When Petra refused to be cowed by her irate superior Levi decided that he wasn’t quite above pulling rank to get his way.
“ This is an order Ral, get that disease breeding, filth spreading, fluffy waste of space out of my goddamn castle.”
“Auruo and I were out hunting this morning-”
“ Very good Ral,” It appeared that he had even less of a handle on his temper than usual, “ it is somewhat heartening to know that, whilst you can’t apparently remember me ordering you to actively avoid dirtying our living space, you can recall what you were doing less than an hour previously.”
Shit, probably a little harsh there.
Perhaps due to long exposure to what was essentially little more than an irate oompa loompa with a license, and the ability, to kill Petra did not so much as twitch in response to the tirade.
“ If you’re done, sir?”
“ Unless this story involves Auruo fucking up monumentally I have no interest in hearing it, and I still want that disgusting thing out of here.”
“ It involves Auruo fucking up, sir.”
“ Right then,” no surprise there, “carry on.”
Petra told Levi how they’d been out hunting and brought down a duck for dinner then stumbled across what they presumed to be its nest. There had been several eggs but only one duckling. Petra, being the not-so-secret softie that she is, had insisted upon bringing the ball of fluff home with them.
“As long as that thing does not distract you from your duties, and it does not shit in my clean fucking castle, it can stay for the foreseeable future, maybe we can eat it when it’s older or something. Ral, get back to your duties.”
From its perch in Petra’s cupped hands the duckling peeped plaintively.
“And you,” he said, rounding on the bird, “can shut the fuck up.”
“Thank you so much sir!’ Petra gushed “Auruo and I’ll get started on dinner immediately!”
“Petra?”
“ Yes Sir?”
“I want roast for dinner.”
“ But sir, we don’t have any meat for a roast.”
“ Oh yes we do.” Levi said, regarding the duckling with a malicious grin.
Petra was still for a long moment. “ As you command sir.” She said rushing out of the courtyard, when she passed him she pushed something into his hands.
The fucking duckling.
“ I swear to god if you shit on me you’ll be joining your mother in the oven.”