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Jeongguk wasn't the type to really get over a crush. Crushes were the kind of irksome thing that lingered in the back of his mind even once he’d supposedly moved on.

And this was very much the case with Seokjin, who once upon a time had graduated and left their quaint neighborhood in Gwacheon for bigger and better things, going where Jeongguk couldn’t follow.

It was a painful time for a fifteen-year-old Jeongguk who had just decided he really liked his older friend, but he dealt with it as best he could. He dated other people. He didn’t spend every minute daydreaming about gorgeous Seokjin who was far away at Konkuk; it was only late at night when sleep evaded him that a set of sparkling eyes popped into his mind. It was only nostalgia.

His fate was sealed, though, when he got into Konkuk as well and ended up comitting (it was not planned, thank you very much). At that deciding moment, any progress he had made in forgetting that massive, embarrassing crush he had harbored for so long. The problem was, Seokjin was not only incredibly attractive (the most beautiful person to ever exist, whatever you want to call it), he was also genuinely so goddamn kind.

“Kookie,” Seokjin had shouted, loud and excited, crashing into Jeongguk’s arms. One minute after he stepped foor on campus, and here they were. Why did Seokjin have to be so friendly? Pretty much every other guy that handsome would be too full of himself to care. Essentially, Jeongguk was fucked. “I’m so glad you’re coming here,” Seokjin continued, releasing Jeongguk from his hold. “It’s going to be amazing. I’ll introduce you to everyone. Ooh, what do you want to major in?”

Jeongguk blinked, overwhelmed.  “Umm, dancing, maybe? Or music. I’m not sure.” He blushed – it had been a while since they’d seen each other in person, and yet Seokjin acted like they hadn’t been apart even a day. He acted like he wanted to be friends with Jeongguk. And Jeongguk really, truly appreciated that. He wasn’t deathly shy or anything, but things were so much easier when someone made it known that they wanted to have you around.

So, it was easy for them to grow close that year, instead of how they were before: friendly, fond, but with too awkward of an age gap to ever really spend much time together. Like he had promised, Seokjin introduced him to everyone, including his best friends: Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok. They were great, all extremely talented and mature. Hoseok took him under his wing at dance club, and Namjoon at the music production lab. Yoongi fed him lamb skewers occasionally, waving a hand and saying, “If Seokjin likes you so much, I guess we should eat together. Let me take you out.”

Aside from them, Jeongguk had been placed in a shoebox-sized dorm room with one Park Jimin, who came attached at the hip with Kim Taehyung. He definitely never felt lonely, as all these people made it their mission to make him happy at Konkuk. But none more than Seokjin.

He comforted Jeongguk when he missed home, when his music instructor gave him a B on his composition (“You’re too hard on yourself,  Oongu-ah”), and let him stay over when Taehyung and Jimin were being annoyingly in love but not realizing it.

The thing was, by the end of that year, they weren’t the only ones in love. What had formerly been the kind of crush you take very seriously, but know can never lead to anything real, had become something far deeper. Only after a year at college, of seeing the world in a new way and growing into a more mature person, could Jeongguk fall in love with Seokjin like he did.

There was the small matter of Seokjin being a senior, but then again he had long since been accepted to Konkuk’s graduate program and had determined that he preferred to stay where he already had connections. One professor had even helped him land a minor role in a drama to be filmed that summer. While Jeongguk knew objectively that Seokjin was moving on, and that things certainly couldn’t be the same, the only thing he could think was ‘thank god he’s staying’.

And when Seokjin casually asked him if he wanted to live with him next year, he choked on his smoothie.

“What?” said Seokjin, chuckling at his red-faced friend. “You knew Jaehwan was moving out, so doesn’t this make sense? ”

Jeongguk closed his mouth when he felt it hanging open. “Um, yeah, hyung. That would be great. I’ll message my parents to ask, but I would be glad to get out of the dorms.”

“Understandable. Ugh, we’re gonna have so much fun, JK.” He smiled, and a light spring breeze ruffled his hair. Feeling it on his face, Seokjin couldn’t help but close his eyes. Across from him, Jeongguk felt his eyes linger on the slight quirk of Seokjin’s lips, the darkness of his eyelashes against smooth, sun-kissed skin. Being friends with Seokjin was a daily reminder that painfully beautiful people did exist.

Living with him would only be more of this brand of torture. And yet nothing would stop Jeongguk from saying yes over and over again.

He had whiled away the summer dancing, writing lyrics, and working at a bubble tea shop near his house. Not even halfway through July and he was already sick of the drink and desperately missing Seokjin, resorting to scrolling through his Instagram feed longingly.

He watched as the drama, “Two Hearts”,  garnered attention, and, despite his small role, so did Seokjin. It seemed that viewers had latched on to the absurdly beautiful side character and quickly found his Instagram full of selcas.

Jeongguk sighed. He had always liked Seokjin’s selcas - been an avid supporter, one might say. He had even offered to be Seokjin’s personal photographer, and many posts from that spring were pictures Jeongguk himself had taken. Now, he was almost reluctant to have shared them, those precious moments between them, when thousands of strangers were seeing them.

Then there was the fact that Seokjin’s mom was always over, and what felt like every other mom in the neighborhood, fawning over their favorite actor, sharing memories of when he’d learned to ride a bike in third grade or been in the school play or whatever. Ugh.

Seokjin hadn’t been back to Gwacheon in ages, and Jeongguk was certain none of the neighborhood ahjummas missed him nearly as much as he did.

☙

By the time school was starting up again, he was more than ready to be back. Even if it meant having to take Bio as his general education requirement, do homework, and take tests.

Because despite all that, he would be living with Seokjin. Living with him - getting to see him sleepily make breakfast, saying goodnight to him every night. He could hardly believe it was real.

Jeongguk could feel his leg jittering nervously as they pulled up to the building, somewhere on a side street by a noodle shop. He’d texted Seokjin that they would be arriving in a minute, but still he felt his heart stop when he came out onto the street.

And he was blond. Jesus. Jeongguk hadn’t seen that on Instagram.

“JK,” Seokjin called, jogging over to give him a hug as he stepped out of the car, then turning to his mother and embracing her as well.

“Seokjin-ah,” she said fondly, beaming up at him. She always had thought he was perfect, and Jeongguk couldn’t bring himself to be jealous when he wholeheartedly agreed. “How are you doing? Me and your mother have been watching 'Two Hearts' all summer. You were great.”

Seokjin flushed, looking pleased. “Ah, that’s too kind, eomeonim . I’m doing well, though I’ve missed having your son around.” Jeongguk groaned internally at the sappy look on his mom’s face and knew whatever she was about to say next would be bad.

“You know,” she said, “I never got a chance to truly thank you for how much you did to welcome Jeongguk here. I know he missed home a lot, but less so when he had you around.” Jeongguk, who felt uncomfortably like he was at a parent teacher conference, wanted to melt into the cement.

“Mom, stop. It’s hot out, let’s go inside.” He grabbed two huge duffel bags and a box and ignored Seokjin’s laugh and ensuing comment about him being a ‘muscle bunny’, marching inside.

It took way longer to move in than it had last year. Luckily, he’d been able to buy Jaehwan’s mattress and bed frame of off him, but he and Seokjin had still needed to haul up a small desk and chair. Throughout it all, he steadfastly pretended not to look at the way sweat had made Seokjin’s shirt stick to his back, emphasizing its broadness.

After everything was settled, his mom gave him a look like she knew he wanted to be alone with Seokjin after the long summer break, and told them she should head out now to beat the commuter traffic.

“I’m sure you boys will be alright?”

“Of course, eomeonim, ” said Seokjin, pushing his bangs back from his forehead. “I’ve taken it upon myself to make sure Jeongguk ingests something other than spicy ramyun. At least for tonight.”

She laughed, thanking him profusely. They were having way too much fun together, Jeongguk thought.

“Bye, mom,” he said, giving her a quick hug. “I’ll see you soon.”

Once he was alone with Seokjin, though, Jeongguk found himself at a loss for words. Seokjin didn’t try and say anything, just smiled at him fondly. Finally, he found himself blurting out the obvious. “You’re blond, hyung,”

Seokjin laughed, his unembarrassed high-pitched one. “Yes, I am. Very observant.” He paused to take a good look at Jeongguk. “Did you know I missed you a lot?”

Jeongguk flushed. It was the same as always - Seokjin never failed to let him know unequivocally that he valued him as a friend. “Really? Even with all those glamorous actors around? I think I missed you more when I was wiping counters at the Gong Cha in Gwacheon. And when I came home at night to every single mom ever cooing at you on the screen.” He rolled his eyes.

“Ah, Jeonggukie, you didn’t watch with them? Too cool for that?”

“No, I watched on my own, hyung. They were distracting.”

He smiled, beatific. “Good, I’m satisfied that the drama had all your attention, what with its very important themes. Anyways, it wasn’t all that glamorous. It was hot, and all my lines were one sentence. Which I’m still grateful for, of course. But really, trust me when I say the ‘famous’ ones didn’t give me a second glance on the set.”

“That’s dumb,” Jeongguk said, indignant. “Everyone loves you now, though. Have you seen your follower count?” He startled when Seokjin smacked his hand on his arm, before letting it rest there.

“You’re the only fan I care about, Jeongguk-ah.” He winked, laughing as if every word he said didn’t make butterflies erupt in Jeongguk’s stomach. To make matters worse, he proceeded to lift the front of his t-shirt as he walked away, fanning himself and inadvertently exposing Jeongguk to a vast amount of toned, bronzed stomach. He gulped.

“I need to have a rinse, but then what do you say we have some dinner? I’m absolutely starving.”  As he neared the bathroom, Seokjin pulled the shirt off completely. Shoulders, back, waist, tan, said Jeongguk’s malfunctioning mind. He heard himself agree before collapsing on the couch as Seokjin closed the door behind him.

Later that night, after their bellies were full of jajangmyeon from the conveniently located noodle shop, they sat together on Seokjin’s bed. Somehow, the mood had become nostalgic, with Seokjin mentioning that his mom had recently sent him a bunch of childhood photos, many of which Jeongguk made an appearance in.

“Aww, look at you here,” he exclaimed, gleefully. The photo was one of him and Seokjin in one of those red and yellow plastic cars. Seokjin was driving, of course, and Jeongguk was next to him, bowlcut in full force. “You’re literally just a nose and two googly eyes.” He cackled, thrashing in the bed as Jeongguk smacked him on the shoulder.

“Shut up, hyung,”

He pouted. “It’s adorable, JK, don’t be offended.” He skipped to the next one, in which Seokjin was dressed up as Mario for a costume party, Jeongguk as Spiderman. They made quite the pair. “Too cute,” he said. “You know what we should do? Throw a costume party. We could celebrate Halloween or something.”

Jeongguk nodded. “That sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll be Iron Man this year, though.”

“Nah, he’s a dick,” said Seokjin, making Jeongguk gasp in outrage. “What? Let’s be real, lots of heroes are intelligent and way more altruistic.”

Jeongguk shook his head. “I’m not getting into this debate right now. I don’t want to destroy you.”

Seokjin pursed his lips, clearly trying not to smile. “I think I somehow forgot how much of a cocky bastard you are. No wonder you like Iron Man.”

Jeongguk couldn’t help but laugh. “Really, hyung, I don’t know what to tell you if you thought I was some kind of angel.”

“Delusions, delusions,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m glad you aren’t though. That wouldn’t be any fun.”

The thing was, they got along so well. Seokjin was always really goofy around him, when around strangers he would more often portray a certain version of himself. Those people never thought when they saw his perfectly composed face that he was as hilarious as he was; they didn’t consider his depths at all, in fact.

But he and Jeongguk had fun. They were themselves around each other - probably because they had known each other since they were so young.

After they scrolled through more and more photos, they ended up on one of Seokjin’s graduation party. Jeongguk was on his tiptoes to reach an arm around the vast expanse of Seokjin’s blue robed shoulders. Despite his mom’s nagging, Jeongguk had worn his Linkin Park t-shirt.

He was scrawny, and so much younger, but even Seokjin looked different than he did now. Jeongguk thought about how old he’d felt at his own graduation, and realized how young he had probably seemed to Seokjin.

By the spring of his first year at college, he felt that they’d bridged that gap between them, become far more equal than they ever had been. Now, he wanted to prove to Seokjin that Seokjin could rely on him, too, and not just the other way around.

He glanced over and saw Seokjin staring at the next photo. In this one, their moms were with them, beaming with pride. Seokjin’s thick brows were pulled together, his eyes dark as he regarded it. Something was on his mind, Jeongguk could tell.

“Hyung,” he said after a moment. “Why don’t you come home as much anymore? Your mom said she always talks to you on the phone, but it feels like ages since you’ve been back.”

Jeongguk must have touched on something, because Seokjin looked back at him with wide eyes, before sighing deeply.

“Yeah, we do talk on the phone a lot. But coming home is different. On the phone, we talk about unimportant things, like the price of the rug she bought. We get to control it.” He paused, took a breath. “When I’m home, though, these weird things bubble up from under the surface. Ever since I brought Yoongi home with me…” He trailed off, leaving Jeongguk confused.

“Since you brought Yoongi home? Why would they be weird about that?”

Seokjin blinked at him. “Since he was my boyfriend?”

Jeongguk was sure his mouth was hanging open just then. It tended to do that. “Oh! Um, sorry, hyung. I really had no idea you two had dated.”

“Huh,” said Seokjin. “Did I really never bring it up?” Jeongguk shook his head. “Damn. Well, trust me, it’s better that we pretend it never happened.”

“Was it bad?” Jeongguk asked, not knowing why his voice lowered to a whisper.

“In the end, yes,” said Seokjin. “We’re fine now, obviously, but a lot of things were said, the kind of things you say when your heart is broken. Happens to everyone in college.”

“Not me,” said Jeongguk, even as he wondered whether this constant heavy weight of unrequited love would eventually do him in.

“I hope it never does. You’re the last person who deserves that,” said Seokjin. He leaned over slightly to rest his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, and he could smell the light, woodsy scent of his shampoo.

“You don’t deserve that either, hyung,” he insisted.

Seokjin sighed again. His eyes, looking troubled, drifted shut. “I probably did,”

His words echoed in Jeongguk’s mind for the rest of the night.

☙

Classes began not long after, and though the first week was relatively calm, things soon became hectic. Seokjin was the Teaching Assistant for a Korean Literature course on top of working at a coffee shop, so he wasn’t around that often.

With nothing else to do, Jeongguk agreed reluctantly to go out to the bar once or twice with Jimin and Taehyung, who said they’d missed their third wheel. He also auditioned for dance team, but seeing as he was returning, it was more of a formality. Hoseok was the captain this year, too, which made it even more fun.

That Wednesday, a week and a half after he and Seokjin had reunited, the revelation about him and Yoongi was still bothering Jeongguk.

“Hoseok-hyung,” he said as they laid on the floor, drinking water and winding down from practice. “Were you here when Yoongi-hyung and Seokjin-hyung were dating?”

Hoseok looked over at him, seemingly surprised. “Yeah, I was. They started dating as sophomores, the spring of my freshman year. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, well, I just never knew, is all. Hyung told me the other night, and I was surprised. Because they never mentioned it.”

Hoseok’s mouth pursed, dimples appearing. “I think they only work as friends now because they don’t mention it. They like to pretend it never happened.”

“Hyung said it was bad.”

“I really shouldn’t say,” said Hoseok. But part of the reason Jeongguk had asked him was that he loved to tell a story. As expected, he continued without prompting. “They were like, super in love. That spring, they were truly nausea-inducing - kissing in stairwells and shit. Drove me and Namjoon up the wall. Yoongi-hyung’s a hand-holder, you know.”

“And Yoongi-hyung visited over the summer, right?”

“Yep. Seokjin-hyung went to Daegu, too. They didn’t like to be apart.”

“What happened, then?”

“Again, it’s up to either of them to tell you the whole thing. I’ll just say… you know how Jin-hyung is, right? Actually both of them. They’re like turtles.”

Jeongguk just sat there, bewildered at the simile. “Um, how?”

“Well, you see,” said Hoseok, gesturing with his hands. “Without its shell, a turtle is just this naked, vulnerable, wrinkly thing. I think -  I think what it was is that Jin-hyung felt like he was a naked turtle, and Yoongi-hyung, though he was in love, was still all shelled up. Leaving turtle Jin all vulnerable. And he was hurt, and mad, and things spiraled. But I’ll shut up now.” Hoseok fixed him with a look, and he felt his eyes widen. “The point is, Jeongguk-ah, that Jin-hyung really cares about you. When you start to see him being honest, be gentle.”

Jeongguk sputtered. Why was Hoseok turning this on him? Did he suspect his feelings? “Yeah, I will, obviously.” He looked away, down at his sneakers. “I care about hyung a lot, too.”

“Yeah,” said Hoseok fondly. “We all do. He’s lovely.”

Hoseok’s words weren’t forgotten. Jeongguk regarded Seokjin a little bit more carefully as he finished out the rest of that week. He usually seemed happy, but Jeongguk knew now how reserved he really was.

He would prove to Seokjin that he could trust him. And luckily enough, Seokjin had promised him a few days earlier that they would actually do something together that weekend, now that his schedule was all hammered out. Jeongguk was counting on it.

☙

That Friday, Seokjin trudged in, shoulders slumped as if his backpack weighed hundreds of pounds, and collapsed onto the couch next to Jeongguk. He looked so bone-weary that it was concerning. “Hyung, are you alright?” he asked. “You shouldn’t exhaust yourself this early in the semester.”

Seokjin opened his eyes to look at him blearily. “I’m fine, Jeongguk. It’s just been a long ass week. How are you? How are your classes going?”

Jeongguk shrugged. “Bio will probably suck, but I have to do it. Music composition’s really fun so far. And painting and dance.”

“Mmm, yeah, those are good classes. I would offer to help you with bio, but I sucked at it.” Though his eyes were closed again, a light smile graced his lips now as his body sunk into the couch. “Namjoonie can help, he’s a genius.”

“Okay, I’ll text Namjoonie, then.”

“Namjoon- hyung,” Seokjin said, opening one eye to glare at him.

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, are you going to audition for the musical this semester? I saw a poster for it in the music building.”

Seokjin groaned. “I don’t know how on earth I’d have time. But Professor Choi said there might be scouts, so I probably should. It’s Gwanghwamun Love Song. Do you think I’d make a good Myungwoo?” He rolled onto his side so he was looking up at Jeongguk, then framed his face with his hand, dramatically singing a line.

“Of course, hyung. And we would all be blessed by the chance to hear your voice more. ”

Seokjin flushed happily. “My personal cheerleader.” He sat up, but quickly groaned and put a hand on his lower back. “Don’t say anything about it, Jeongguk-ah, but I’m worried I’ve become elderly. I think hunching over to read countless discussion posts and standing for hours at work has quite literally destroyed every part of my body.”

Before he could even think, Jeongguk’s mouth was opening. “Let me help.”

Seokjin narrowed his eyes. Of course he would be suspicious. “How?”

“Um,” Jeongguk swallowed over a lump of nervousness. “Well, my dance coach taught me a lot about using pressure points to relieve strained muscles. Here,” he said, reaching out his hands and indicating that Seokjin should sit with his back to him.  He did so warily, and Jeongguk carefully rested his hands on his shoulders. Take a deep breath, he told himself.

In hindsight, he probably should have known what would have gone down. He’d eaten many a meal with his hyung, so he was no stranger to how loudly he expressed his satisfaction in life.

“Oh, Jeongguk,” he groaned. It sounded more like a moan. This was hell, wasn’t it? “Oh my god, I’m never letting you leave.” He let out another exclamation as Jeongguk found a knot in his lower back, and continued making small sounds as Jeongguk worked at it.

It felt like it went on forever, but eventually he released his hyung, who turned around and smiled at him. Jeongguk hoped he didn’t notice the flush that had worked its way down his neck. “That was amazing. Do you have anyone you like, JK? Cause if you did that for them they’d fall head over heels.”

Jeongguk’s heart constricted. Not you, though.  “I’m not gonna do that, hyung,” he said, trying to keep the hurt from his voice.

“Why not? I know a lot of people, anyone you want me to introduce you -”

“No, hyung,” he exclaimed, cutting him off. Seokjin closed his mouth, blinking in confusion at the outburst.

“Oh. Sorry, Jeongguk-ah. I shouldn’t push you. Hey, let me treat you to some meat tomorrow as a reward for being so sweet to your hyung, what do you say?”

It would never stop, would it? Seokjin making it clear he didn’t see him in that way at all, then continuing to be so goddamn kind. “Why would I say no?”, he muttered.

“I mean, fair. I’ll feed you well, then.” He moved to get up, and Jeongguk found himself reaching for his hand.

“Do you want to watch something together, hyung?” he asked. Immediately, he was embarrassed at how desperate he seemed. Seokjin was definitely too busy. He was surprised, then, when Seokjin squeezed his hand in return.

“I’d love to, JK. I haven’t had a moment to relax all week. Let me just change into my pajamas.”

☙

One afternoon after everyone had returned from their visits home for Chuseok, Jeongguk ended up seeing all of Seokjin’s friends together for probably the first time that semester. It was so difficult to get their schedules to align that eventually they decided to just meet at the dining hall.

It was only when Jeongguk sat down across from Yoongi in his black cap and hoodie that he realized this was the first time he was seeing him since knowing.

It was stupid, but he couldn’t help but look for any tiny detail that indicated Seokjin and him had once been wildly in love and now were exes. Observant, nosy, whatever you wanted to call him - he was privy to this whole new dynamic, and he was going to scope it out.

When Seokjin sat down next to Jeongguk, he greeted Yoongi easily. Yoongi nodded in response. Jeongguk already knew this was normal for the two of them; he supposed it had been more than a year and a half at this point, so why would they be strange about it?

He was distracted from this line of thought by Namjoon sliding into the spot across from Seokjin. “Hyung,” Namjoon exclaimed. “You’ll never guess what happened in Music Production just now.”

“Do tell, Namjoon-ah,” said Seokjin, resting his chin in his hand.

“You know, Chanyeol-hyung, right?”

“Yeah,” said Seokjin. “We were in a play together once. And he’s taller than me. And you, Namjoon.”

“Okay, cool. Not the point though. The point is, he said he thinks you’re cute.” Namjoon clapped his hands together once and smiled broadly.

Hoseok grabbed onto Jeongguk’s arm and squeezed. “Ooh, a man of taste then?” he said. “Thoughts, Jin-hyung?”

Seokjin shrugged, though he had a small smile on his face like his ego had been stroked. “I mean, he’s not the only one.” Every one of them scoffed loudly and simultaneously, but Seokjin shushed them. “He’s cute, too, I guess. Still, what are you saying, Namjoon?”

Namjoon flushed. “Well, if you wanted to try something out, he said he’s going to the live music night at the bar tomorrow... You could see if you two click.”

Seokjin slumped in his chair. “Such short notice. I was already planning to be in pajamas for the entirety of tomorrow.”

“Hyunggg,” Namjoon whined.

“Fineee,” he whined back, mimicking Namjoon’s tone. “Worth a try, I suppose.”

Jeongguk stared at the table and brushed some crumbs idly onto the floor. He wasn’t into jealousy. After liking Seokjin for going on four years now, it would be too tiring.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that his lack of action meant he could never have what he wanted. Looking at Seokjin with love in his eyes would never be the same as just fucking asking him out. Why couldn’t he do it?

The conversation flowed on around him, and he was startled out of his trance by Seokjin slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Okay,” he said. “Any ideas for our costume party? JK is gonna be Spiderman, and I’m being Mario.”

A weird streak of vindictiveness rose in Jeongguk, then - some weak attempt at independence. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I want to be something cool and badass. Dark.”

Seokjin blinked, confusion overlaying a slight amount of hurt. “What might that be, JK?”

“Not sure yet. Namjoon-hyung, what are you going to be?” he asked, turning to look at Namjoon.

“Um, I was gonna be Shakespeare. I just have to find the costume.”

Seokjin perked up beside Jeongguk. “Ooh, we have a bunch of Elizabethan shit in our costume closet at the theatre. Let me steal you some.”

“Yay,” said Namjoon, bouncing happily in his seat. “That would be awesome.”

“Makes me think I should be something cooler, too,” said Seokjin. “A prince, maybe?”

“Lame as fuck,” Yoongi supplied, finally providing his input for the night.

“No,” said Seokjin, affronted. “It’ll be cool. I’ll take it to the next level. Like Victorian Vampire Prince, or something.”

“Wear a transparent lace shirt,” supplied Hoseok, waggling his eyebrows.

“I mean, sure?" said Seokjin. “Something eye-catching, definitely.”

Jeongguk thought the party couldn’t come soon enough.

☙

The next day, Jeongguk invited Jimin and Taehyung over to watch a movie to distract him during Seokjin’s imminent date. They got there early, though, so he in the end he was subjected to watching Seokjin emerge from his room in sinfully ripped jeans and a tight black t-shirt.

Well, shit. He never wore tight things. Jeongguk stayed silent as Seokjin stopped to chat with Taehyung and Jimin. They both looked up at him lovingly with wide grins - those two really did share one mind.

“Well, you guys have fun,” Seokjin said, eventually. “I’ve got to head out now.”

“Be safe, hyung!” called Jimin, sighing happily as he left.

“You’re so lucky you get to live with Seokjin-hyung,” said Taehyung, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth and chewing loudly.

Jeongguk stared at them both, unamused. “Yeah, I am. But he’s going out with this ‘Chanyeol’ guy, though… so he can’t be here tonight.” He couldn’t help but pout then, and Jimin being Jimin caught on to his unhappiness.

“Oh, Jeonggukie,” he said, leaning his head onto his shoulder. “It’s just a casual date. Hyung will come around soon enough. Keep giving him those doe eyes.” He pinched Jeongguk’s cheek, and he swatted him away.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should do more than that.”

“Wait, like take action?” said Taehyung sarcastically. “What a novel idea.”

“Fuck off, Taehyung, seriously.”

“All I’m saying is, Jimin and I could easily draw you up a list of all the ways we’d go after hyung if we were looking for a third.”

Jimin made a face like what Taehyung said was true but still distasteful.

“I don’t want that list, it’s probably gross,” said Jeongguk. “And besides, you guys don’t have the added burden of having harbored this crush since you were nothing but a 172 cm tall emo teen. No offense, Jimin.”

“Okay, despite that comment, I will help you,” said Jimin, raising an eyebrow.  “I get that it’s hard since you’ve known him so long. Maybe you could choose a time and place, some special event or something, and hype yourself up to just get it all off your chest? Hyung will be nice about it regardless.”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Jeongguk. “Maybe at the halloween party or something? Hyung was talking about hosting one.”

“Yes!” Taehyung exclaimed. “Anything involving costumes immediately becomes a thousand times sexier”

“Of course you would say that. Probably gonna dress up as Jimin’s pet again or something.” Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

“You bet your fucking ass I am,” said Taehyung passionately.

“ Anyways, ” said Jimin. “Jeongguk, I want you to swear right now that you will do it at the party.”

“Fine,” said Jeongguk. “If he’s not married to Chanyeol or something by then.” He fell back onto the couch and hoped to god that he hadn’t just jinxed it.

The thing was, Seokjin didn’t come back that night. The next day, Jeongguk was up early, sitting at the island and eating breakfast, when he heard the door unlock.

Seokjin came in, closing the door quietly as if he expected Jeongguk to still be asleep. When he turned and saw him sitting there, he let out a shout. “Jesus, you scared me. What are you doing up?”

“Eating breakfast,” he said. He couldn’t help but flush. Seokjin was wearing the same clothes as last night, and his hair was all mussed. The imagination was a powerful thing, but it didn’t have to make many leaps here. “How was your night?” he asked, attempting to sound neutral.

Seokjin laughed nervously. “Um, it was good. Stress-relieving, for sure.” Jeongguk’s spoon froze on its way to his mouth, briefly, before he nodded. He really couldn’t say anything to that, so he just watched as Seokjin darted into the bathroom.

☙

After that encounter, Jeongguk had found himself staying in his room when he heard Seokjin come home. He was conflicted. At dance practice on Monday, he’d asked Hoseok what went down, even though it was pretty obvious. “Just a hookup,” he’d said. “One night kind of thing. They thought they’d make good friends, though.”

“Oh. Cool, I guess,” said Jeongguk. It wasn’t, really. He was glad they hadn’t fallen head over heels in love, but it felt a bit like his heart was a bouncy house slowly letting out air. Seokjin-hyung could have anyone he wanted, he reminded himself. And it wouldn’t be him.

People said you shouldn’t let love affect you, but this was more a question of whether he had the guts to go after what he wanted. It was a question of his self-esteem. Usually, that was pretty damn high, but it was currently taking a hit.

Regardless, Seokjin wasn’t one to let him wallow, feeling awkward and unhappy with himself and his decisions. One afternoon, it seemed like he’d finally had enough of living with a hermit.

“Jeongguk-ah,” Seokjin called, knocking on the door and interrupting his brooding. “Are you busy?”

He couldn’t resist if Seokjin was coming to him, so he tumbled out of bed and opened the door. “No,” he said, breathless and faced with a smiling Seokjin. He was wearing jeans and a sweater, looking like a perfect romantic drama protagonist, while Jeongguk stood there awkwardly, shirtless and rumpled.

“Um,” said Seokjin, turning pink. His eyes fixed on Jeongguk’s chest for a moment before they moved to the doorframe. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

They ended up going for a walk by the nearby reservoir. It was the perfect temperature out, just brisk enough for them to don light jackets and not worry about their fingers falling off as they explored endless paths.

They talked about anything and everything. Seokjin loved to give dramatic monologues about his life from time to time; now he was rambling on about a scene in the musical and how much he was enjoying his duet with his costar, Seulgi.

“Hyung, when are we gonna do a duet?” asked Jeongguk.

Seokjin paused. “Oh,” he said. “I forgot we were gonna do one. Well, you’re always at the sound lab, so tell me when I should stop by.”

Jeongguk grinned. “Yay! I will, hyung. I feel like I haven’t heard you sing in forever.”

“You get front row seats to the show, of course,” he said, tipping his head at Jeongguk at winking. Jeongguk couldn’t help himself, smiling wider and hooking his arm through Seokjin’s elbow.

What Seokjin said next surprised him. “You know, I realized something. The past few years, I’ve mostly been in plays. It was only back when I was with Yoongi that I sang all the time. He used to write songs for me.” He smiled a bit, though it didn’t reach his eyes, which had almost glazed over. He was clearly lost in the past.

Jeongguk wasn’t sure what to say. That felt like an important thing he’d just shared. Maybe he should have been more tactful, but he couldn’t help but ask. “Hyung, what happened between you two? If you don’t mind saying,” he murmured, after a second. Seokjin looked over at him, drawn away from his own mind.

“Oh. Um, it’s okay. That was a long time ago.” They kept walking, and it was a minute before he spoke. “You’ve probably noticed Yoongi likes to do his own thing. At the start, we were so infatuated with one another. It was scary, but thrilling. In the fall, though, I felt like he was pulling away bit by bit. I… maybe I was being slightly unreasonable. I have no problem with independence in a relationship, but I just felt like he didn’t care. It made me so mad. So then I stopped caring. And I said some hurtful things to him, about his dreams and all. That sealed the deal." He sighed, deeply. “Have you ever listened to his song, 'Dead Leaves'? It has a lot of hits on SoundCloud.”

Jeongguk nodded, watching him warily.

“Well, it’s about me. I didn’t realize until I listened to it a few months after we broke up that he thought I was the one who stopped caring. My ‘cold aloof heart’”. As he quoted the line, his voice wavered slightly, and Jeongguk put a hand on his bicep, stopping him.

“Hey, hyung, it’s alright. I’m sorry I brought that up.”

“No, no, I was already thinking of it. The foliage, you know, it reminds me.”

“That must be hard, hyung,” he murmured. “I think… it’s probably good to talk about it. You guys make a big show of pretending nothing happened.”

“Yeah,” said Seokjin, leaning towards him. “Yeah, we do.”

“It’s okay, hyung. You’re okay.”

The two walked for probably another half hour, ruminating. In the air was the liberating and rare sensation that they could say anything they felt, that only the trees were around to judge. Eventually, Seokjin spoke once more, pulling Jeongguk to sit on a nearby bench. “Can I tell you something, JK?”

His heart stopped, throat suddenly dry as he answered. “Yeah, of course. Always.”

Seokjin breathed in deeply. “You know… I just wanted to say to you. You’re my best friend.” The words flowed over Jeongguk’s heart like a healing balm. He beamed at Seokjin as he continued. “I really like being around you, probably more than anyone else.”

“Seriously?” Jeongguk said. Seokjin, well, he always made you feel special, but here were the words coming right from his mouth.

He nodded, one side of his mouth quirking up as he looked out over the lake. “You’re just so sincere, Jeonggukie. And it makes me feel like maybe I can let go, just a bit. Maybe... be honest.”

“Thank you, hyung,” he said, moving closer to Seokjin. They hugged more frequently than others probably did. But now, Jeongguk felt like if he hugged him, he would never be able to fall out of love.

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from resting his head on Seokjin’s shoulder, sighing happily as arms wrapped around his waist.

“You shouldn’t thank me, Jeongguk,” said Seokjin, finally. “Really.”

Though Seokjin was still busy after that, Jeongguk felt like his happiness had multiplied tenfold. His hyung had essentially told him that he was his favorite person. Plus, there was no whisper of a second date with Chanyeol, so Jeongguk stopped worrying.

Now, his mind replayed only memories of laughter and secrets shared between them as they walked under red-leaved trees. This felt like enough. Not that he didn’t remember his promise to Taehyung and Jimin.

☙

One night, not long after their walk around the reservoir, Seokjin came home a bit earlier than usual, a spring in his step. Jeongguk was working on a sketchbook assignment for his art class, and he felt Seokjin come up behind him and peer at the page. He hummed approvingly, but didn’t interrupt, only placing a gentle hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder before moving away to grab a snack from the fridge.

Of course, his idea of a snack would be what most people consider a small meal. He slid a clementine over to Jeongguk, who realized then that he’d been drawing for hours without cease.

“Oh, thanks,” he said, putting down his pencil and examining the graphite covering the meat of his palm. “I haven’t eaten in ages, actually.”

“I figured,” said Seokjin, eyes curving up into crescents as he smiled. He glanced at his phone to check the time. “You know, today’s one of those rare days where I’m ahead of the game on research and grading and I don’t have work, for once. I think there’s only one thing to do. And that’s have a marathon viewing of Lord of the Rings.”

Jeongguk perked up in his seat. “Really? Wait, I need to finish this, will you wait for me?”

“Of course,” said Seokjin. “It’s hardly as much fun without your color commentary, Boromir.”

“Shut up, hyung, I’m not Boromir. You just want me to die.”

“You die a brave and honorable death, though, Jeonggukie. And besides, you can’t be Aragorn. That will always be me.”

Less than an hour later, they were snuggled up on the couch watching the sprawling green pastures of Hobbiton projected onto the wall.

For Jeongguk, it was one of those moments where you felt so sharply a knowledge of how long ago your childhood was.

He could remember watching with Seokjin in his basement when their families got together for Seollal, Seokjin very wisely explaining the plot and characters to him. Could imagine vividly Seokjin perched on the couch with his nerdy glasses and know-it-all voice.

Jeongguk had gone home and drawn Aragorn and proudly shown it Seokjin, who had looked at the shaky lines and beamed. “What an artist!”

Now he sat by Seokjin’s side and said the lines along with the characters, feeling warm inside as Seokjin tilted into him, laughing.

It wasn’t unusual for them to cuddle a bit when they watched stuff together, naturally seeking the comfort of warmth. If anything, it was one of Newton’s Laws of Gravity that they always fell together when sitting on any couch.

And thus, he eventually found himself propped up against Seokjin’s chest with a hand on his knee.

After The Fellowship of the Ring ended, Seokjin got up to whip up some instant rice and fry some spam. Then, he settled in once more, pulling Jeongguk back into position without hesitation.

Alas, he didn’t make it all the way through the Two Towers. As he watched Saruman trap Gandalf in the tower, he felt his eyelids drooping and his body slipping down the solid warmth of Seokjin’s chest.

He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but when he woke it was to find his cheek mashed into the meat of what had to be a human body. He blinked groggily, slowly becoming accustomed to reality. The reality that his face was pillowed on Seokjin’s thigh, and that soothing feeling of a hand running through his hair was real, and was it Seokjin doing that?

He reluctantly rolled over after the hand stilled and came to rest heavily on his shoulder. If he had any choice, he would’ve stayed like that forever. The light from the movie flickered over Seokjin’s face as the noises of battle played in the background. Seokjin looked down as he felt movement.

“Oh, JK, you’re awake,” he said. The look in his eyes was unbearably fond.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk muttered. He didn’t sit up, and Seokjin didn’t ask him to. “Why didn’t you pause it, hyung?”

At that, Seokjin grinned evilly. “If you fall asleep during the marathon, that’s on you.” His hand remained on Jeongguk’s shoulder even as he rolled his eyes and turned the other way to look at the screen.

“What happened to wanting my company?”

“I still had it,” he said. There was an instant where his hand lifted from Jeongguk and didn’t return. It felt as if a essential body part had been severed, but after a moment of nothingness Jeongguk felt it hovering gently over his waist.

When the movie ended not long after, there was a softness in the air as Seokjin hauled a loose-limbed Jeongguk up. They stood there for a moment, Jeongguk finding himself tilting towards Seokjin once more, watching the depths of his eyes as he blinked, head tilting. There was something on his mind, but it wasn’t bad.

“Goodnight Jeonggukie,” he said. “Return of the King tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” said Jeongguk softly, finally trudging away from Seokjin, ready to throw himself into bed. “Goodnight, hyung.”

☙

Jeongguk had been looking forward to Halloween for a while now, and as the semester flew by, the date approached much quicker than expected. By that point, midterms and essays were assigned and everyone was stressed out of their minds. On top of that, rehearsals for the musical were getting more serious.

But still Seokjin insisted that as the older and cooler friend, he wanted to host a party this year. A stress relieving event, he called it. Halloween wasn’t really a thing, but seeing as Seokjin had a lot of friends who did theatre, any excuse to dress up and get trashed was gladly taken.

Meanwhile, Jeongguk found himself brainstorming what he should wear. Dark and cool, he’d said. Too bad, cause he really thought he’d look hot as Spiderman. Skin-tight pants always did good things for him.

Honestly, now the only thing he could think was that he needed to wear something to catch Seokjin’s attention. To remind him that, hey, your friend Jeongguk is hot as fuck and also in love with you, so maybe check that out.  

He decided to text Taehyung, who, as much as he hated to admit it, would probably have some good ideas.

Jeongguk:

Hey Tae-hyung, any ideas for a halloween costume to impress Jin-hyung?

Taehyung:

I’m so glad you’ve come to me

It’s gotta be something sexy. Obviously, we’re trying to get his attention here. Hoseok-hyung tells me Jin-hyung’s costume makes him look like a god, so try and live up to that

Jeongguk:

not helpful…

Taehyung:

who are his favorite anime characters? i know y’all are a couple of otaku

Jeongguk:

first of all, so are you. and all his favorites are girls. so idk

Taehyung:

….

remember when Namjoon-hyung showed us those pictures of him dressed as sailor moon?

you should ask if he still has that costume….

Jeongguk thought about it for a moment. It was honestly a good idea -  I mean who said he couldn’t be sailor moon. Fuck them. It looked like dark and cool would have to wait.

Jeongguk:

my legs would look good, i see you

Taehyung:

glad to be of service

He wanted it to be a surprise, so whenever Seokjin asked, he would always just grin mischievously and shake his head. Like the impatient baby he could sometimes be, Seokjin would whine and shake him. “Tell me,” he said.

“No, hyung. It’s more fun this way!”

“Fine,” he huffed. “Well, then I’ll just have to add some surprises to my outfit, too,”

“Be my guest,” said Jeongguk.

In the end, Seokjin definitely delivered. It was still the prince concept he’d initially suggested. But he was turning plenty of heads.

He knocked on Jeongguk’s door twenty minutes or so before the party was supposed to start. Jeongguk poked his head out, not wanting reveal his own outfit just yet, and found his mouth falling open.

The thing was, Seokjin was already gorgeous without makeup. He was blessed like that, with flawless dewy skin and doe eyes that needed no accentuation.

But here he was, reminding everyone that he was no mere mortal, eyes rimmed with eyeliner and resplendent with sparkly eyeshadow. His eyebrows, if possible, seemed even more dark and severe under his tousled, pushed back hair. And his lips were red, with some lipstain smudged in the corners like blood.

Jeongguk’s gaze travelled down. Fuck . Seokjin had taken Hoseok’s advice and was wearing a transparent lace shirt (he averted his eyes quickly) under a red velvet cloak. Beyond that, there were tight, tight black high waisted pants and black boots… with a heel. Jeongguk realized then that Seokjin was a fair bit taller than him, now.

“Um,” he said.

“What do you think?” asked Seokjin, giving a twirl.

“Well,” said Jeongguk, clearing his suddenly parched throat. “If you were going for debauched vampire, then you won.”

Seokjin laughed loudly. “I was!”

Jeongguk scanned his outfit once more. “Something’s missing, though.” Feeling a surge of confidence, he reached out a took one of Seokjin’s hands. “Jewelry.”

“Oh, shit,” said Seokjin. “I forgot about that.”

“That’s fine, I have plenty.” Before he could remember that he was keeping a secret, Jeongguk pulled him by the wrist into the bedroom.

Seokjin’s eyes widened as they took in the short dress and red boots he was wearing.

Jeongguk blushed. “Wait, I’m not done yet.” He picked up a pair of gloves and a red choker from the desk and put them on hurriedly before turning around and spreading his arms. “Ta-da.”

Seokjin was laughing, hand over his mouth, and Jeongguk found himself deflating, arms returning to his sides.  “No, no,” said Seokjin, voice warm. “I’m only laughing because I’m surprised.” He stepped forward, putting a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

His thumb rested on a bare collarbone; it felt like it was on fire. “I love it. You look really good, Ggukie.” Seokjin had a smile that could heal all wounds.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongguk muttered. He noticed, though it may have been wishful thinking, the way Seokjin’s eyes darted down to his thighs for a hot second. “Um,” he said. “So, let’s start with earrings.”

He ducked out from under Seokjin’s heavy touch. Tonight is the night you do something, he reminded himself. “What do you think of this? It’s actually Taehyung’s, he lent it to me. Not really my style, but he tries.” The earring in question was a big red stone set in a diamond backing. It screamed vampire prince.

“That’s actually perfect, JK, thank you.” He put out a hand as if to take the earring, but Jeongguk had plans, and he’d be damned if he didn’t take this chance.

He stepped forward, into Seokjin’s space, clearing his throat as he leaned in to affix the earring gently. This close, he could smell Seokjin’s cologne: fig with notes of cedar. He knew that it had been a gift from Yoongi. It was funny that he had known that , but hadn’t known they were formerly in love. Maybe he should have realized you didn’t give high-quality cologne to just any bro.

“There,” he said finally, moving away. He hadn’t realized how close he been, his chin brushing the space between Seokjin’s neck and shoulder. Seokjin’s eyes fluttered open. Had they been closed?

“Thanks,” he said quietly. “Do you think I should add anything else?”

Jeongguk turned back to the dresser, digging around to find some silver rings. “Here,” he said, lifting Seokjin’s hand to slide them on. Just then, he got an idea. He took one of his rings of his ring finger, and slipped it onto Seokjin’s. “There you go, now everything’s perfect.”

Seokjin giggled, cheeks smushing outwards as he smiled. “Good. Let’s go set out drinks and snacks, then.” He wrapped an arm around Jeongguk’s waist and squeezed once.

An hour later, the party was in full swing. At some point, Jeongguk had found himself in the unideal location of between Taehyung and Jimin on the dancefloor (aka the living room). It was their idea to drag him in to their little sphere of hedonistic dancing, but they pretty much disregarded his presence. He could easily see they only had eyes for each other. Very sultry eyes.

This led to Taehyung being pressed up rather close behind him. His hands were on Jeongguk’s waist, but only because Jimin’s were laying on top of them. When Jimin got even closer, essentially burying his chin in Jeongguk’s shoulder just so Taehyung could lean down and kiss him, Jeongguk took that as his cue to leave.

He looked frantically around the room, only to have his eyes fall on Seokjin, sitting on the couch and looking right at him. For half a second, there seemed to be an almost hungry look in his eyes, though it dissipated quickly when they made eye contact. He smiled and waved, laughing at Jeongguk’s misfortune in that adorable way of his, bringing a hand to his mouth.

But the mirth on his face contrasted with the domineering way he was sat on that couch: legs spread, cape discarded beside him so his entire broad, tan chest was on display under pretty white lace, and a glass of wine in his hand. Of course. He would be that classy.

He got up eventually, responding to Jeongguk’s non-verbal plea for extraction. But as he came closer, it was with a casual gait, as if he didn’t intend to take any action.

“Hyung,” Taehyung said enthusiastically, apparently having spotted him despite being attached to Jimin at the lips. “Come join us.” He lifted a hand off Jeongguk’s waist to trail over Seokjin’s chest. “Wow, you look really good. Amazing actually. Why don’t you wear this every day?”

Jeongguk glared at him, while Seokjin flushed lightly and giggled. Jeongguk’s imagination helpfully told him to peer through the lace to see if the blush had spread. He looked up when that chest moved closer, and Taehyung and Jimin detached from him in order to form a circle with Seokjin. Jimin gave him a pointed look as he did so.

To no one’s surprise, those two eventually got caught up in one another again, leaving Jeongguk and Seokjin to dance together alone. You can do this, he told himself. Seokjin was smiling, all casual as if he didn’t realize Jeongguk was freaking out in front of him.

His eerily lackadaisical expression remained as he tugged Jeongguk a little closer and began moving along to the music, not doing much more than swaying back and forth on beat. Still, Jeongguk was mesmerized by the motion of his hips, sensuous to match the pulsing bass of Namjoon’s party playlist. His head was tipped back slightly, his eyes closed even as he reached out a hand to rest on Jeongguk’s waist.

And then, he squeezed once, opening his eyes a fraction to exclaim, “Wow, so small.” The smile he gave a speechless Jeongguk at that moment seemed more like a smirk. For a moment, he didn’t even recognize his friend.

Apart from when Jimin bumped into Jeongguk and pushed him even more into Seokjin’s space, the way they gravitated together was as natural as always. The hand Seokjin had on him was an anchor that trapped him in place.

Jeongguk’s throat felt dry from nervousness, but he knew this was the moment to do what he needed to do. Seokjin’s simple statement - “You’re a great dancer, Jeongguk-ah” - was the catalyst. He stepped forward so they were nearly flush, noting the way Seokjin’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You’re not too bad yourself, hyung,” he said, breathing in shakily before wrapping his arms around Seokjin’s shoulders. He felt the lace at the nape of Seokjin’s neck under his hands, rough to the touch. It couldn’t be very comfortable on bare skin.

From his position close to Seokjin’s throat, he saw him swallow once. When he peered up, Seokjin’s mouth was parted, just slightly. His hands held tighter onto Jeongguk’s waist, one circling around to rest on his back. Would that be considered the lower back? Jeongguk didn’t know; his brain wasn’t functioning. He was used to being affectionate with his hyung. But this felt different. It felt bigger.

They may have been standing there for ages, vaguely pretending to dance, so near to one another that Jeongguk forgot how to breathe. The whole of his world was Seokjin’s cologne, the texture of the lace beneath his fingers, the music that surrounded them.

It was only when Jeongguk, beyond himself, turned his head and glanced up at Seokjin that the illusion shattered. He was surprised to see him looking back at him, the glint in his eyes one Jeongguk had never seen before.

There was a light flush over his cheekbones that felt almost intimate, and Jeongguk felt his heart pound as Seokjin’s breath ghosted over his cheek. Overcome, he moved forward a centimeter, allowed his lips to just barely brush over the surface of Seokjin’s skin right below his mouth, only aiming for the chin. He wouldn’t try anything more.

Seokjin practically leaped back, looking at Jeongguk with eyebrows raised, eyes wild. Instead of saying anything, he just turned and pulled Jeongguk into his bedroom.

It was at least a few degrees cooler in there due to the lack of body heat and blue-colored, moonlight filtering in from the window. Seokjin released him, burying a hand in his hair before he looked back at Jeongguk.

For some reason, he was whispering as he said, “What the hell was that?”

Jeongguk was taken aback. He felt the creeping tendrils of anxiety in his stomach and grasped the doorknob behind him nervously. “Um,” he began weakly. “What do you mean, hyung?”

Seokjin laughed, sounding almost hysterical. “What do you mean? You know,” he said, gesturing between them meaningfully.

“I don’t know…” said Jeongguk. Where was all his bravery now, when Seokjin had practically asked him to confess? Maybe it was the tense atmosphere of the room that prevented him. “People do that, hyung.”

“Not us, though.” Seokjin moved further into the room then, taking his heat and the intense emotion radiating off of him away from Jeongguk, whose heart felt like it was being strangled.

He was struck dumb. But after a minute, the anger and hurt coalesced. He could hear the way his voice hardened when he answered. “Of course. How could I be so stupid as to think we would ever do something like that. Clearly not.” Tears, unbidden, pricked his eyes. There wasn’t anything more humiliating than the casual dashing of your hopes, of you as an idea. He knew Seokjin didn’t mean to be cruel, but it hurt. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot,” he muttered.

Seokjin inhaled sharply, turning around. “Jeongguk-ah,” he said, voice more tender now. He looked so torn, eyebrows furrowed as if he, too, were in pain. “No… it’s not that. It’s just. We - we shouldn’t - I don’t -”

“I get it, hyung,” he exploded. “You don’t like me, and you don’t want to do that with me. That’s fine.” The lump in his throat was too big now, so he ducked his head. “I’ll go now.” He slipped out of the room and through the front door, taking the stairs two at a time and imagining he heard Seokjin call after him.

He didn’t want to be anywhere near that apartment, and so he found himself holed up at the nearby noodle shop with no money and no appetite. The ahjumma who worked there knew him already and was kind enough to let him just sit at the counter and look out onto the street, deep in thought.

Despite himself, he came up with some irrational fantasy that Seokjin would come after him, find him at the noodle place they so often frequented, and confess that he liked him back. He wasn’t so irrational that he expected his hyung to love him.

He ruminated on the look of shock - and something else - on Seokjin’s face when he pulled back from his touch. Jeongguk knew he shouldn’t have let his lips touch Seokjin like that before telling him his feelings, but it was just so much easier than words.

The one thing that made him stop, that didn’t add up in his mind, was the way Seokjin responded. He had danced with him for so long, all close like that, and touched him voluntarily. Jeongguk didn’t think he had imagined the tension mounting between them, then. With anybody else, he would have been certain that they were about to kiss.

And, instead of being the cool, emotionless hyung who would just laugh and ask why Jeongguk did that, Seokjin seemed almost panicked, hysterical, like the touch Jeongguk had initiated had sent him into a crisis. Seokjin could be so hard to understand at times, and now was no different.

Jeongguk felt the nerves and anger and adrenaline from before melt away, until he was left to deflate, resting his head on his arms.

Now, what? He had made a fool of himself, hadn’t even actually told Seokjin he liked him, and now it would all be awkward. How could he go back home? Or look Seokjin in the eye?

Eventually, he decided he should just go back and hide in his room, although the party probably wouldn’t end for a while yet. When he stepped out on the street, he was met with a light drizzle coming from the dark blue sky.

He frowned, but it wasn’t raining hard enough to care, so he simply ducked his head and let the water droplets collect on his neck as he walked. He expected nothing but the silence of an empty street, and so his head shot up when a voice called out his name.

Down the block, he saw the silhouette of a body that could only belong to Seokjin - wide-shouldered, curvy, a blur of white and black and blond hair. His heart leapt into his throat as Seokjin jogged towards him. When he was a few feet away, he stopped, bending over with his hands on his thighs and breathing heavily.

“Jeongguk,” he said again.

“Hyung?” It came out as a question. He honestly didn’t know why Seokjin had come after him.

“Where were you?” asked Seokjin, standing up. He was still wearing the boots, and as he came closer the inch or two he had on Jeongguk became apparent once more.

Jeongguk just stared at him for a moment. “I was at the noodle shop.” Seokjin’s hair and shirt were wet - how long had he been out here? “Why did you follow me?”

Seokjin shuffled forward a bit, ran a hand through his hair. “I… I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Ah. Well that made sense. Jeongguk deflated. “For what, hyung? I was fine. You were the one who freaked out.”

“Yes,” Seokjin said, sounding strained. “That’s why I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked out or said all those things.” He bit his lip for a moment before releasing it, hesitating. “I shouldn’t have acted like I didn’t want it.”

Jeongguk felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. “What?” Seokjin stepped forward then, and wrapped his arms around him.

Something Jeongguk had noticed, over the years, was the way Seokjin always made himself small when he hugged someone, tucking himself in so he could rest his head on their shoulder. He’d figured it was some unconscious need to be held, protected.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into Jeongguk’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, I’m so scared.”

It was then that Jeongguk noticed how sincerely distraught Seokjin sounded. He put his hands on his shoulders, over the damp lace, pushing lightly so that Seokjin would look up at him. “Hyung,” he said, eyes running over Seokjin’s face, the downturned corners of his lips and his wide, dark eyes. “Why are you scared? I wanted it, too, you’re not alone.” Seokjin just rested his forehead on Jeongguk’s shoulder again, so he continued. He was sick of talking so vaguely. “Don’t you know that I care about you, Seokjin? That I like you, a lot, and you’ve taken over my thoughts for years now?” He didn’t expect the way Seokjin’s lips trembled before he spoke again.

“That’s why I’m scared. I know you do,” he let out a watery laugh. “I can read you pretty well, Jeongguk. You really snuck up on me, though. I haven’t liked anyone in so long, so these feelings… I don’t know what to do.”

His heart stopped. “Wait. You like me?”

Seokjin laughed again, a small, weak thing. “Yeah.” He finally stood up. “Yeah, I do.” He reached up a hand to rest on the side of Jeongguk’s neck. “You’re my best friend.” He smiled ruefully. “This summer, you started slipping into the cracks of my mind, you know? I watched you come into your own, here. You’re so handsome, and lovely. I couldn’t stop myself, if I’m being honest. But I should be better than that. You deserve better than me -”

“No,” Jeongguk managed to cut in, somehow not struck mute by hearing the words ‘I like you’ from Seokjin’s mouth. “I deserve someone just like you. You make me feel loved, hyung. And I want to make you feel that way, too.”

Seokjin’s shoulders crumpled, his anxious face along with them. “Why are you so wonderful, Jeongguk-ah?” The hand on his neck moved slightly, until the backs of Seokjin’s fingers were running gently across his jaw. It was then that Jeongguk noticed how Seokjin was shivering. It wasn’t a cold night, really, but he was damp and probably chilled to the bone.

“Jesus, hyung, you must be freezing! Why didn’t you go inside or something?”

“I was looking for you,” he said, not objecting as Jeongguk took his hand and started walking back to the apartment. He had forgotten about the party, though, and was irked to have to shove his way past various bodies to get into his room.

He turned on Seokjin once they were inside. It was the mirror image of earlier, when he had leaned against the door while a wild-eyed Seokjin panicked in front of him. Now, he had a wet Seokjin standing tender-hearted in the dim of his room, looking all too regal next to his desk chair piled with laundry.

The only thing he could think of was that he needed to get him warm. “Let’s get you out of that,” he murmured, moving forward and rucking up the bottom of the lace shirt so Seokjin could remove it.

It wasn’t as if much had been left to the imagination before, but having Seokjin shirtless in his room was beyond Jeongguk’s hopes and dreams. He was luminous, covered in goosebumps, a gorgeous combination of hard and soft lines. Jeongguk must have been staring, because Seokjin said, softly, with a smile in his voice,

“Jeongguk-ah.” Then, “Could I have a shirt, please?”

He flushed, “Um, yeah, yeah.” Now, the atmosphere between them was heavy, loaded with feeling. He knew Seokjin was still afraid, but he had admitted what his heart was harboring.

Jeongguk wouldn’t rest until Seokjin knew how much he cared, how he would do anything to be with him. He just wanted to ease his fears by holding him, possibly forever. “Come here,” he said, gesturing with a soft cotton shirt. When Seokjin came closer, he brought the shirt down over his head, rubbing his shoulders to help him warm up. “What about those?” He nodded at Seokjin’s pants, and now the older boy outright scoffed, smiling brightly.

“Why, Jeon Jeongguk, you rascal.”

He put a hand to his chest, affecting a scandalized expression. “ Excuse me. I’m just trying to warm up my poor hyung who got caught in the rain.” He handed Seokjin a pair of boxers and pointedly turned his back. “See? I’m a gentleman.”

Seokjin chuckled, and after a minute Jeongguk felt arms wrap around him from behind. “What about you? This can’t be very comfortable, either.”

Heat trickled through his body at the press of Seokjin at his back. God, he was deprived, wasn’t he, if all he could think about was pushing his own body backward to meet him.

He swallowed. “No, not very.” One of Seokjin’s hands had laid itself flat across his stomach; the other was at his waist. “Are you gonna let me get out of i-” His breath hitched as Seokjin’s lips brushed across the back of his neck. He had wanted to do the same for so long now.

“Yeah,” said Seokjin, releasing him from his arms. His voice was pitched low, sounding almost unnatural. “Go ahead.” Unlike him, Seokjin didn’t turn away as Jeongguk pulled the dress over his head. He didn’t even step out of Jeongguk’s space when he turned to go get clothes, forcing Jeongguk to come chest to chest with him. Seokjin’s eyes flicked down, before training on the ceiling as if praying for help.

Jimin had once sat Jeongguk down and told him he probably had some exhibitionism/narcissism cocktail going on in the dark corners of his brain. And, like his boyfriend, Jimin tended to be disturbingly correct about that sort of thing.

So here he was, and the way Seokjin’s gaze trailed over his skin as he bent over to get a pair of shorts and a shirt made him feel like he was on fire. His mind was static, filled with only the words ‘look at me’ on endless loop. Finally, he straightened and walked past Seokjin to lay down on the bed. Seokjin sat down, too, immediately resting a hand on Jeongguk’s knee.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said, unabashed. Jeongguk’s heart was beating so rapidly he could feel it. Now, he knew he was blushing. And he would be lying if he said all this was doing absolutely nothing for him.

But in the end, Seokjin just laid down next to him, took his hand, and arranged them so that Jeongguk was tucked against his chest. This said something about them, he hoped. That their feelings were more than just lust. When he kissed Seokjin, it would be when there was not a soul to interrupt, and he would make sure Seokjin was not afraid, only eager and blissful. He already knew it would be one of his most perfect memories.

“Goodnight, Seokjin-hyung,” he said. Then, in a rare moment of courage: “I love you.” He felt Seokjin inhale deeply behind him, his exhale tickling the back of his head.

“Goodnight, Jeongguk-ah,” said Seokjin. There was so much love infused in his tone that Jeongguk wasn’t at all worried. The two fell into sleep soon after.

When he woke up, it was still dark, and he was cold. Seokjin had rolled away from him in his sleep and was now on the other side of the bed lying peacefully on his back. Jeongguk took a moment to examine his side profile, which he could vaguely make out in the low light - the high-bridged nose, the plump lips that naturally rested in a pout, the dark fringe of eyelashes.

He had no idea what time it was, but he felt entirely lucid, as if he had woken up at the end of a sleep cycle. He was wide awake, and he was in bed with the man he loved, who had confessed to him mere hours ago. Without thinking, he raised a finger to brush over the line of his nose, dipping into the deep philtrum below and landing on the pronounced curve of his upper lip.

Somewhere along the way, Seokjin had rolled over, blinking awake. He muttered something unintelligible as he did so. Was he ever not adorable? Jeongguk hadn’t thought he’d ever get to see this, get to have this.

“Jeongguk,” he said after a few seconds, voice groggy.

“Sorry I woke you, hyung,” he whispered.

“What are you doing awake?”

“Ah, I just woke up for some reason. I was cold, I think.” He let his hand fall onto the side of Seokjin’s neck. God, he was so gorgeous, even more gorgeous in fact, with these half-lidded, sleepy eyes and mussed hair. “My hyung let go of me.”

“Oh,” said Seokjin. It came out more like a breath. “I’m sorry, babe.” It was far too natural, the way that word slipped out of his mouth. Then, he blinked as if realizing what he’d said, eyes widening a centimeter at the look on Jeongguk’s face.

He had a feeling he looked how he felt; like his heart had been ripped open. It was a new feeling, this intense distress mixed with a surplus of joy. He didn’t know what to do.

Just then, he realized this was probably how Seokjin had felt before.

“Hyung,” he said. He couldn’t help the way his voice faltered imperceptibly, and suddenly Seokjin was pulling him to his chest. His hands were on Jeongguk’s back, rubbing circles over the cotton. Jeongguk let his own travel from Seokjin’s neck down his arm, resting a thumb on the soft crook of his elbow.

They laid there like this, for a minute, until Jeongguk felt his heart swell in his chest. “Hyung,” he said again and pulled away so they could be face to face once more. Now, only an inch or two separated them.

It was easy to move forward so their foreheads were touching, and even easier to say the words he’d been wanting to say for so long - “Kiss me?”

Seokjin let out a shuddering breath. Then, finally, their lips met, just barely brushing. It was gentle and tender. Timid in a way that was unlike Seokjin. His lips were as plush as Jeongguk had dreamt of and moved so wonderfully over his own. After a minute, Jeongguk scooted up so he was hovering above Seokjin and felt the back of his head being cradled.

Long fingers carded through his hair as Seokjin looked up at him with eyes full of stars. Jeongguk was sure his were the same. He smoothed his hands over the sides of Seokjin’s face, over the shell of his ear, over any skin he could reach. And then they were kissing once more.

It was intense, passionate, maybe a hair desperate on Jeongguk’s side. All he wanted was to show Seokjin that he could have this. “Seokjin-hyung,” he whispered, reverent, kissing down his jaw and mouthing hotly at his pulse. Seokjin breathed heavily, hands tightening in his hair.

“Jeongguk-ah,” he sighed. “Come here.” He pulled him closer so their entire bodies were aligned, with one of Seokjin’s thighs between his legs. Jeongguk sat up to look down at his hyung. His Seokjin-hyung, his teenhood crush and his current best friend, lying beneath him wearing his old t-shirt.

“I can’t believe this is real,” he said, watching Seokjin’s expression carefully. As a rule, Seokjin was far from stoic, even falling at the opposite end of the spectrum. He laughed and smiled freely. Instead, he was the type of guarded where you never knew what you didn’t know. All the raw emotion, the things he wasn’t happy to show the world, were shoved under the rug. And here he was now, face laid bare. His chest was heaving as he looked up at Jeongguk with what could only be love, even if he didn’t name it.

“Me neither,” he whispered. “Do I really get to have this?”

Jeongguk’s heart twinged as Seokjin echoed his very own sentiments. “Yes, hyung,” he said, leaning down to capture Seokjin’s lips once more and brushing his tongue across the seam. Seokjin let him in easily. “I’m yours. You have no idea,” he murmured against his mouth. This was all so much.

“You’re not mine,” said Seokjin weakly.

“I want to be, hyung,” he said, resting a hand on Seokjin’s chest and laying his head down. “Please, let me love you.”

“I… yes. Yes, please.” Seokjin spoke as if a great weight had been lifted of his shoulders, some kind of responsibility. Maybe Jeongguk didn’t know any better, but he thought this was pretty simple. Seokjin had trouble accepting love, and Jeongguk had no trouble giving it. He would shower him endlessly. He wanted to.

They kissed for a while more, until Jeongguk couldn’t help himself and ground down on Seokjin’s thigh, groaning softly.

“Jeongguk,” said Seokjin quickly. He stared up at the younger boy. “Are you sure you want to?”

“Um, yes?” Seokjin let out a shuddering breath, and Jeongguk watched intently as his hyung caught his plump lower lip between his teeth. “Are you sure, hyung?”

“Yeah, of course.” His hands ran down Jeongguk’s back to rest perilously close to the waistband of his shorts. In a fit of confidence, Jeongguk brought his hand up and guided Seokjin’s hands lower, lower, at the same time pressing his lips into the pulse point of his neck.

Seokjin groaned, low in his throat, and squeezed his ass once. The fingers on his other hand ran delicately over the inside of Jeongguk’s thigh. Helplessly, Jeongguk ground against his leg once more as he returned to kissing him. It was messy, the way their lips slid against one another’s, interrupted by the breathy moans Jeongguk couldn’t help but let out against Seokjin’s lips.

His hands gripped Seokjin’s sides like he was his only lifeline, but after a few minutes one hand roamed over his stomach and up, to rest over his heart. Curious, he brushed one thumb over his nipple, covered in soft cotton.

The sigh Seokjin let out was one Jeongguk would be glad to hear on replay. “Oh,” he said, sneaking one hand underneath Seokjin’s t-shirt to lay flat on his stomach. There was so much warm, smooth skin for him to skate his fingers over. It was like a dream. “Do you like that, hyung?”

Seeing Seokjin’s tomato-red ears, he couldn’t help but grin. One of his favorite things about Seokjin was easily flustered he was despite his otherwise confident facade. He covered his face with his hands and groaned again, this time one of embarrassment. But when Jeongguk moved his thumb once more across the sensitive bud, he took them away.

“You know what,” he said, placing his own hands on Jeongguk’s lower back and rucking up his shirt. Jeongguk sat back on his legs and allowed it to happen, grinning widely at Seokjin stared at his torso with his mouth parted. “Well,” he said, primly. “Okay, then.”

Jeongguk laughed. “Do you like what you see, Jin-hyung?”

Seokjin stuck his tongue out. “God, what is this, an interrogation?” But even as he deflected, he reached out tentative hands to rest lightly on Jeongguk’s waist. He closed his eyes when Jeongguk leaned down once more to kiss him. This time, it was sweet and tender, and a sigh made its way past Seokjin’s lips.

“You’re really beautiful, Jeonggukie,” he said, softly.

“So are you, hyung,” he said. “You’re actually like, my dream man.” Seokjin laughed, and as Jeongguk pulled away he saw that his eyes had scrunched up into merry crescents. “Can I,” he asked, pushing his hands back under Seokjin’s shirt. He sat up, helping Jeongguk discard it.

Now when they kissed, it was skin against skin. Jeongguk had forgotten how particularly intoxicating this feeling was. As the kiss grew more and more heated, Seokjin’s hand slipped back down to his ass, and he couldn’t help but choke out, “Please.”

“Okay,” said Seokjin, voice shaky. His hand moved around to ghost over the evidence of what these past twenty minutes had done for Jeongguk. “Can I?”

“Yes,” he sighed. Even the feeling of Seokjin’s hand over him through the material of his shorts was like heaven. He was aware of the small noises he kept making, but he could hardly stop.

When Seokjin finally slipped a hand inside the waistband to touch him, he smirked. “Ah, Jeonggukie, you’re so hard already. So wet.” Only Seokjin could have been red with embarrassment minutes prior and now grinning wickedly.

“Can you blame me, hyung?” he asked, opening his eyes to pierce Seokjin with a look. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve gotten off to you before. More than once.” And now Seokjin was back to being pink.

“Oh,” he said, voice strangled. “Well, that sure is interesting.” But his hand remained steady, stroking Jeongguk’s length assuredly until he was bent over, panting, nose brushing against Seokjin’s.

After a few minutes of this slow pace Jeongguk’s eyes had screwed shut, tears forming in the corners. He needed something more - he was desperate.

“Jeongguk,” said Seokjin, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. “Could I suck you off?”

Jeongguk froze. “What?”

A smile played on the corner of Seokjin’s lips, and when he spoke it was with an overly formal voice from a Sageuk drama.  “I said - might I have the honor of sucking the exalted dick of Sir Jeon Jeongguk on this fine night?” He burst out into laughter.

Jeongguk’s heart was pounding even as he rolled his eyes at his hyung’s silliness. “Oh my god, you’re the worst.”

“So that’s a no, then?”

“No!” he said hurriedly, watching the glee in Seokjin’s dark eyes as he did so. “Yes. Definitely a yes.”

Seokjin pouted, even as he flipped them over with ease so that he hovered above Jeongguk’s chest. “I don’t know. You say I’m the worst.” He pressed his lips right above Jeongguk’s navel.

“That was a lie,” said Jeongguk. “You’re actually the best, the most talented and funny and fucking hot person ever.”

He felt Seokjin smile against his skin as he pressed kisses lower and lower. “Mmmm,” he murmured, nose brushing against the vee of Jeongguk’s hips. “That’s nice to hear.”

His hands hooked into the band of Jeongguk’s shorts, and he pulled them down without further ado. Once Jeongguk was revealed though, he simply continued to kiss anywhere but there. Large hands stroked over Jeongguk’s thighs, admiration clear in every touch.

Finally, after pressing one more kiss into the vein on Jeongguk’s hip, Seokjin placed a steadying hand on the base of his cock before taking it into his mouth. He seemed to know just what he was doing, lowering himself further and further down and pressing his tongue up in a heavenly motion until Jeongguk was writhing above him.

“Jesus, hyung,” he groaned, placing a hand in Seokjin’s hair. He didn’t grip it too hard, preferring to smooth over it softly even as Seokjin’s lips stretched obscenely around him and made his hips stutter. “You look so good. God, I just want you to fuck me.”

Seokjin hummed, pleased. He pulled off for a second, eyes alight, and Jeongguk was mesmerized by the string of saliva that followed behind him. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like it the other way around?”

His mind went blank. “I mean, that sounds good, too. Great, actually. I’m not picky at all.” His voice sounded weak to his own ears.

“Do you want to do that now? We don’t have to… But I get the sense you’ve been wanting this for a while.”

Jeongguk’s mouth hung open. “Yeah. Yes. I would like that.”

Seokjin brought a hand up to press into the center of Jeongguk’s lower lip. “You’ve thought about it? When you touched yourself?”

“Yeah, hyung. I’ve thought about it all.”

Seokjin’s eyes darkened. “Mm. Me, too.”

“Seriously?” Jeongguk asked, shocked.

Seokjin’s hands ran over his thighs as he nodded. “It was a recent development. Couldn’t get these thighs out of my mind. So put them to use, would you?”

With that, he sat up and climbed on top of Jeongguk, straddling him. The fabric of his boxers brushed against Jeongguk’s straining length, making him gasp. “Do you want to prep me, or should I?”

Jeongguk squirmed. “Um, well, I want to, but. I guess I should tell you I’ve never done this with a guy before. Other stuff, yeah. But no, uh, penetration.”

“Oh.” Seokjin blinked, brow furrowing. “Are you sure you want to do to this, then? We can wait.”

“No, hyung. I’m sure. It’s not that I’m not ready. I’ve wanted to, and I’ve had the chance. But the idea of fucking some random guy from a party didn’t appeal to me that much. You, on the other hand…” He trailed off, staring up into Seokjin’s wide brown eyes. “I want to really badly, hyung. I just… I don’t want to do something wrong.”

Seokjin’s face softened into a smile. “Oh, Ggukie. Never worry about that. As long as you’re happy and enthusiastic, I’ll be happy, too.”

“Okay,” he said. Seokjin must have heard some hesitation remaining in his voice, because he took his hand and squeezed once.

“How about I show you what I do, then you can take over?” He stood up on his knees to push down his boxers, letting his length spring free. And well, Hoseok had made jokes about Jin being as well endowed as the school, but it was another thing to see it.

Jeongguk couldn’t help but stare and reach out a reverent hand. Seokjin hissed as he made contact. “Jeongguk, where do you keep your lube and shit?”

“Bedside table, like everyone else,” he said, twisting his hand purposefully and relishing in the soft noises Seokjin made.

He removed his hand when Seokjin scrambled over towards the table and came back holding the small bottle of lube and a condom. “I love that you’re always prepared for safe sex,” Seokjin said, uncapping the lube and pouring it over his fingers hurriedly.

Jeongguk grinned up at him. “Well, it was quite literally for this exact reason. Obviously the hopes I held of seducing you were not misplaced.”

Seokjin laughed. “I guess not.” And then he brought one hand back and proceeded to show Jeongguk exactly what he did to himself.

Jeongguk, being his over eager self, took over not too long after, drawing it out to three fingers and not relenting.

“You’re so good at everything, JK. God, it’s infuriating,” Seokjin panted from above him. “I think I’m ready now.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Seokjin said, leaning down to kiss him. It was meant to be brief, but they got caught up, lips fitting perfectly together, tongues meeting lightly in the middle.

“Okay,” said Seokjin, pulling back and unwrapping the condom before sliding it onto Jeongguk’s length.“I assume you want to see my face while we do this?”

“That would be nice.”

“Would you switch with me, then? I’m in the mood for some vanilla missionary business.”

Jeongguk smiled. “Sounds great.” His heart pounded as their chests brushed. Seokjin was beneath him now, fixing a pillow beneath his hips. It was surreal, this closeness, this feel of skin on skin. Seokjin seemed to notice his trance-like state, wrapping a calf around Jeongguk to pull their hips together.

“You alright?”

“Good, good. Would you mind?” He passed Jeongguk the lube, which he dribbled over his length quickly.

“Okay,” he said, more to himself than anything else, as he centered himself and began sliding in. It was slow going, but it was better than he could ever have imagined. Mostly, it was Seokjin making so much noise and murmuring praise, hands tight on Jeongguk’s shoulders.

After a few minutes, Seokjin was crying out as he hammered into him, brushing his prostate with every thrust. It was no surprise that in the end Jeongguk came first, the feeling so new and overwhelming to him. Though he wanted to collapse, the tears in Seokjin’s eyes as he wiggled his hips and whined lead him to wrap a hand around Seokjin.

He bent over to kiss him - it was sloppy and open-mouthed, and he had the privilege of hearing Seokjin gasp as he spilled over Jeongguk’s hand and his own stomach, shoulders tensing briefly before he fell loose limbed back into the pillows.

“Ah,” said Seokjin, bringing his hands up to cradle Jeongguk’s face. “Wonderful performance, Jeon Jeongguk.” His mouth was quirked into that half-smile that looked obscenely good on him, but the rest of his face was wrecked - bright pink with a sheen of sweat covering it. His eyes seemed to glimmer as he looked up at Jeongguk blissfully.

“You, too,” said Jeongguk, awkwardly cradling the hand covered in come between their bodies.

Seokjin’s chest shook with a laugh. “I just laid here!”

“But you were very vocal,” said Jeongguk, sitting up and smiling down at him. “I appreciated the encouragement.”

“Good to know,” said Seokjin, pulling Jeongguk down to kiss his cheek before pushing him away. “Now, go get a washcloth. Laying here in my own filth simply won’t do.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” said Jeongguk, saluting and scurrying away, completely unabashed in his nakedness and their utter goofiness. This felt close to pure happiness.

Afterwards, they lay surrounded by the quiet hour of four o’clock. “When did you realize you liked me, hyung?” he asked, pillow muffling his voice as he turned away from Seokjin’s gaze in embarrassment.

He sighed. “Hm. So many little moments. But do you remember a few weeks ago, after we watched LotR together? And you fell asleep on me?” He laughed softly. “You make me so happy, like no one else. You’re sweet and funny, so funny.” Jeongguk couldn’t help the pleased flush that spread across his face. “And sitting there with you laying on my chest, mouth gaping wide -” he stopped to tap Jeongguk’s lower lip. “I realized that what I was feeling was something I hadn’t felt in a while. So it took me a while to recognize it. Do you forgive me?”

Jeongguk was smiling, wide. He was so, so happy. And he made his hyung happy - so rarely had he felt such perfect contentment as he felt now. “Of course I do.”

☙

That winter break, Seokjin went home for the first time in awhile. During the train ride back, he gripped Jeongguk’s hand tightly.

“Is it just me or is this longer than it used to be?

Jeongguk laughed. “No, hyung, it’s not. It’s really short actually.”

Seokjin glowered at the wall opposite them, plastered with advertisements for chicken and beer. “Will you come hang out tonight? After you have dinner with your parents?”

“Yeah, of course.” He put a discreet hand on Seokjin’s elbow. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you for dinner?”

“We’d better not,” said Seokjin, shaking his head. “I think I just need to have this discussion with them as an independent individual.” He smiled gently. “Obviously they already love you, so that’s good.”

Jeongguk nodded. “I get it. Whatever you need, hyung.”

It was nine pm when Seokjin texted him. Meet me by the fence. It was vague, but Jeongguk knew exactly what he meant. A chain-link fence across the street, about midway between their houses. Behind it was a small dusty baseball field he’d never seen in use.

He threw on his jacket over his pajamas and practically ran out the door. Seokjin was waiting for him, leaning slightly against the fence, face tilted up as if he was regarding the constellations. If only they were visible this close to the lights of Seoul.

“Seokjin,” he called. His head whipped around, and as Jeongguk expected his mouth was open in shock.

“That’s hyung to y-” He was cut off as Jeongguk flung himself forward into his arms. “Oof,” he said. “You’re kind of heavy, you know.” Jeongguk just buried rested his head happily in the crook of his neck.

“How are you, hyung?”

Seokjin sighed, a long heavy thing. “I’m… something. Something verging on good.” He wrapped his arms around Jeongguk, rubbing a hand up and down his back. “It’s just… to hear someone apologize for the way they made you feel. I don’t know. I just feel so much lighter.”

He cleared his throat. Jeongguk could tell he was getting choked up and felt his own heart constrict. “My mom. She said she’s been thinking about her mistakes for a long time now, because she’s missed me so much. And she said she promises to do better.”

Jeongguk pulled back, took in the way Seokjin’s face had screwed up, and promptly brought up his hands to wipe a way a tear that had escaped the welling in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Seokjin cry. Probably sometime long ago when he’d fallen off his bike and skinned his knee.

He could, however, easily remember the way Seokjin had comforted him when tears of stress threatened to overwhelm him. “Oh, hyung,” he said, leaning forward to press kisses to Seokjin’s damp cheeks.

“Sorry,” he said, sniffling. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” He bowed his head a bit when Jeongguk pulled away.

“Don’t be. It’s alright to cry. You’re amazing, hyung.”

Seokjin sniffled again. “I ended up mentioning you, you know, and she said she’s glad you brought me home. You’re invited for dinner.” He gave a watery smile, and found Jeongguk’s hand to lace their fingers together. His other hand came up to card through Jeongguk’s  hair.

“So soft,” he murmured. They stood there, intertwined for an interminable time, breath forming clouds as they exhaled. “Hey,” said Seokjin, after a moment. His eyes seemed to reflect the moonlight. “I love you.”

All Jeonguk's breath was knocked out of him. “Oh,” was all he managed.

“Yeah,” said Seokjin. “A lot, actually.”

“Oh,” he said again, like an idiot. “I love you, too, hyung. But you already knew that.”

Seokjin sighed once more. This time he sounded almost content. “I did. But I never get tired of hearing it, Jeongguk-ah.”