Work Text:
The sound of laughter drifted up from the street below, making him feel very alone in this new town. Then again, if he was being honest with himself, Obi-Wan already knew that he would feel lonely anywhere he went right now. He’d imagine that in his situation, anybody would feel terribly lonely. He’d lost the man he loved, and then all of the friends he cared for, and then finally the life that had been growing inside of him.
It felt as though Obi-Wan had nothing left, and he wasn’t even sure why the force had allowed him to escape and to survive. He’d failed at every task he’d been given. As a jedi, as a husband, as a father. He couldn’t do anything right, and because of his failures, the whole galaxy was in danger, and so many good people, good jedi, were dead.
Maybe it would feel cathartic to just start crying, and then maybe never stop, but even with the jedi order having fallen, Obi-Wan didn’t want to give up on the way he’d been raised. He was still a jedi, even if he was the only one left. But oh, how he desperately wished that there were more left.
The only reason Obi-Wan had survived was because he’d been in the infirmary in a small outpost with only droids running it. It was just supposed to be an ordinary checkup, to ensure that his pregnancy was going well. He couldn’t be checked in the temple, because then everyone would know that he had gone against his own vows.
When he’d heard the news of what was going on all across the galaxy, he’d rushed away to try and help, but when he’d reached out with the force, there had been no response. It felt as though the entire universe had been suddenly emptied of all the people it was meant to contain, and Obi-Wan hadn’t been able to refrain from screaming until his throat was sore and bleeding.
But nothing could bring back all the lives that had been needlessly taken. When he trudged back to the outpost in defeat, the droids had checked him over, and informed him that the stress of such a traumatic situation, plus the physical exertion he’d displayed while rushing from the scene of one massacre to the next, had led to a complication. He hadn’t even been showing yet, and the baby had already been gone.
Feeling lost and alone, Obi-Wan had fallen into a depressed state, and was mostly unresponsive, letting the droids physically care for him while he checked out. Months passed that way, and then Obi-Wan had finally built up the courage to reach inside of himself and feel for the bond between Anakin and himself. Most jedi severed their bonds once the training years were over, but Anakin hadn’t wanted to get rid of their closeness, and Obi-Wan claimed that getting rid of the bond just always slipped his mind when Anakin asked about it.
But the bond was gone. Anakin must’ve died with all the others, though Obi-Wan could imagine that he had gone down fighting. Probably protecting younglings, or some other such noble cause. No matter what internal conflicts Anakin faced, he had always been an inherently good person, which is why it had been so easy for Obi-Wan to love him.
With nothing left in the world for him, Obi-Wan had wanted to just give up entirely. But then he’d seen a notice from an old friend, Bail Organa. It was an encoded message for the protection of everyone involved, but Obi-Wan was able to decipher it, and saw that Bail was desperate to know if there were any jedi at all left alive.
That’s when Obi-Wan packed his ship of meager things, not wanting to risk returning to the temple for all of the belongings that had been left behind there, and he had headed off towards Alderaan. Bail had been overjoyed to find out that Obi-Wan lived, and Obi-Wan had been grateful to know that maybe he wasn’t entirely alone in the world.
It was too much of a risk for Obi-Wan to stay for very long, though. There were always eyes watching everything, ready to report any disturbances to Lord Vader- which was the rather ridiculous sounding name of the man who was responsible for the deaths of pretty much all of the jedi. Bail had heard rumors that perhaps Yoda was alive as well, but had no concrete information about the jedi master, and no rumors about any of the others.
He’d given Obi-Wan lots of supplies and money and a way of getting into contact in case of emergencies, and he’d wept as he and Obi-Wan parted ways. Even then, Obi-Wan didn’t cry, though. He was a jedi, and jedi released their emotions into the force. Though it was frightening to try and reach out to the force, now, because it no longer felt like the healthy, living system it had been before. All of the sudden deaths of those connected to the force left behind a rotten imprint, and it almost physically hurt to reach into the force.
And now Obi-Wan was here, just another anonymous person in a town far smaller than anything he was used to. He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to be doing, but Bail had made him promise that he would fight for his own survival, and Obi-Wan would hate to break a promise to what was probably the only friend he had left in this universe.
The streets were already getting crowded despite the early hour, and Obi-Wan decided that he may as well get up and head to the market now before all the freshest stuff was sold out. And it’s not like he was doing anything productive in his room. He couldn’t even meditate- hadn’t been able to since a disastrous attempt had filled him with so much loneliness and emptiness that he almost hadn’t been able to wake himself up from it. The force was supposed to put him at ease, but right now the force was so damaged and disrupted that all it did was make things worse.
As Obi-Wan headed downstairs, he was given a friendly smile from the woman behind the front desk. “Good morning, Ben! Where are you headed off to on this fine day?”
“The market,” he said softly. Without a force healer around, and not wanting to make his own clumsy attempts, even now his voice was still rough, and it pained him to speak too loudly.
Moira was understanding enough about it, always carefully watching his mouth so that she wouldn’t have to ask him to repeat anything. She was also understanding of his small amount of funds, letting him stay in her bed and breakfast for free. In exchange, he did odd jobs around the property and ran errands for her. Moira pulled out her shopping list, and handed it over. “A bit of fresh air will do you some good. You’ve been looking more pale than usual these past few days. And that’s really saying something, considering your usual disposition.”
Obi-Wan laughed silently. She wasn’t wrong; he was just naturally very pale. Whenever he was in the sun for too long in the field, it always resulted in him looking like a lobster, rather than the glorious golden tans Anakin always managed to pull off. It probably had something to do with being born and raised on a desert planet.
Thinking about Anakin would probably never stop tugging on his heart and making him feel sick to his stomach. He mindlessly accepted the credit chip Moira handed him, already lost to his memories as he headed out the front door.
He could still remember the day he’d told Anakin that he was pregnant. He’d been very nervous at first, not sure how Anakin would take the news. Though they’d been together for a while by then, neither of them had ever made any mention of interest in building a family. Obi-Wan had been both right and wrong in being nervous.
Anakin had been ecstatic by the news, and had dropped to his knees to press a thousand kisses to Obi-Wan’s still flat stomach. When he’d finally gotten back to his feet, he’d just stared at Obi-Wan as if he were the most precious thing in the world. And then Anakin had completely ruined the moment by suggesting that they leave the jedi order. Obi-Wan had been tempted, for just a moment, but he knew that he couldn’t be selfish. The order could survive without Obi-Wan, but they needed Anakin. He adamantly refused, not matter what ideas for the future Anakin had.
It hadn’t been their worst fight, not by a long shot, and in the end Obi-Wan had tentatively offered that they table the discussion at least until the end of the war. Anakin had agreed, and hadn’t brought the subject up again. They’d had a few minor spats after that when Anakin treated Obi-Wan differently in the field, or Anakin made Obi-Wan a priority in moments when he shouldn’t, or Obi-Wan did anything deemed ‘too reckless’, but for the most part, they were happy.
And yet that bastard Vader had taken everything from Obi-Wan, and probably didn’t even care one bit. If he knew Obi-Wan was alive, he’d probably be first in line to end his life. If Obi-Wan though he had any chance at all of making it to Vader, he’d definitely kill the man first. He wouldn’t even care if he died trying, so long as he succeeded. Vader was a plague on the world, and someone definitely needed to take him down before he got the chance to build his empire any larger than he already had.
Before long, Obi-Wan found himself at the market, having walked there mostly lost in his thoughts, as dangerous as that was for him these days. He waved back at the few people who waved at him first, and then glanced down at the list before heading to the first stall he needed. It was the same stuff as usual, with a few changes or notes here or there, and Obi-Wan rushed to get everything and then head back. Being around so many people when he was cutting himself off from the force felt unbearable after too long.
He handed off the goods to Moira, and then accepted her instructions for the other things that he needed to do around the place. He could still use the force for small tasks, but he was actually rather good with his hands even without the assistance. It was another thing he could thank Anakin for. When he’d first become Anakin’s master, he’d been little more than a child himself, and (he was mature enough to admit it now) had been jealous of just how powerful Anakin was, on top of being amazing at repairing and building things. It had made him short with his padawan, and he wouldn’t put as much effort into his teaching as he should have.
Sometimes Anakin would be too stubborn, and wouldn’t do anything that Obi-Wan asked of him, and eventually, Obi-Wan had offered a deal. He would teach Anakin about jedi and the force, and in exchange, Anakin would teach him about machines. It had been a bit of an unconventional method, and yet it had worked to pique Anakin’s interest. To him, the idea of knowing enough about anything to be a teacher to someone older than him was quite exciting. It had allowed Obi-Wan to get to know Anakin better, as well, and eventually the relationship between them grew more friendly. Of course the more intimate aspects of their relationship never happened until after they were no longer master and padawan, no matter how much Anakin had wanted to do things sooner.
Obi-Wan spent the rest of the day making sure that the cleaning droid employed by Moira was completely repaired, and when he was done, he felt the satisfaction of an honest day’s work. He patted the droid on the head a few times, and then went downstairs to the dining room just in time for dinner.
The other guests were already seated, but no food had been served yet. Before Obi-Wan could actually sit down, though, Moira seemed to practically appear out of nowhere, and she smacked Obi-Wan’s arm. “Go wash up before you stain my nice tablecloth with grease.”
Obi-Wan groaned good-naturedly. “Only for you, Madam.” He went into the bathroom to scrub the oil off of his hands, and narrowed his eyes when it wouldn’t come out from under his fingernails. He scrubbed harder, until he suddenly felt completely nauseous, and he leaned all of his weight on the sink as he heaved a few times, though there wasn’t anything in him to throw up, since he’d forgotten to eat breakfast or lunch.
His head was spinning, and his stomach felt like it was being tied up in knots, and it wasn’t just hunger pains. Obi-Wan gasped as he took a small step back, pressing up against the bathroom wall, and then sliding down so he was seated. He pulled his knees up, and pressed his face against them, having absolutely no idea what was happening to him. He hadn’t showed any signs of illness all day, and he couldn’t think of any sicknesses that just happened without any warning or other symptoms.
And then it felt like Obi-Wan’s head was splitting open, like someone had jammed a pike into the side and started hammering it in, intending on cracking his skull in half. Obi-Wan reached up to press his hands against his ears, gasping and silently screaming at the pain. He wasn’t acting very jedi-like at all. He fell to his side, curled up in the fetal position.
He had no idea how long he was lying there, though it probably couldn’t be for very long, considering the fact that no one from the dinner table had come looking for him. It felt like a hundred years of intense agony. And then he felt something that made him want to scream in joy this time.
There, tucked away in the back of his mind, was something that he thought he’d never get the chance to feel again. A little gold thread, frayed and rotting, but still there. The bond that connected him to Anakin. It wasn’t entirely severed, and Obi-Wan hated himself for letting hope bloom inside of him. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, and gently prodded at the thread.
Almost immediately, he could feel a presence latching on from the other side. The usual blindingly golden glow that had always surrounded Anakin was oddly absent, but all Obi-Wan could focus on was the fact that Anakin was there, and he was clearly still alive, and Obi-Wan wasn’t alone in the universe, and everything would be-well, not okay- but so much better than it had been ten minutes ago.
The connection was weak, and Obi-Wan wasn’t strong enough to send any verbal messages, but he could transmit his status of being alive, and how incredibly happy he was to know that Anakin was alive as well.
And then a few seconds later, there was a surge of warmth of relief and guilt and fear and a million other emotions from Anakin’s end, and Obi-Wan knew he’d never chide his lover for losing control like that. This was an extraordinary situation, and for the first time since the end of the jedi, Obi-Wan could feel tears building up in his eyes, slowly dripping down his cheeks. He knew he was a mess, with an overgrown beard and unruly hair and only the bare minimum done to keep himself alive, but he didn’t care, because Anakin was alive.
And Anakin was stronger than Obi-Wan, even without the force being able to provide much help. He’d always been a strong light in the force that no one else could even begin to compare to. “,” was all that Anakin could get across through the weakened bond, but it was more than enough. Obi-Wan focused everything he had on sending his agreement, even if he went as more of a feeling than a statement.
Being able to see each other and touch each other would certainly strengthen their bond, but for now, even if it was a smaller presence than it had ever been in the past, it was infinitely more amazing than anything he’d felt in the past year or so. Obi-Wan berated himself for not having the strength to meditate sooner, because surely he would’ve spotted the thread if he’d only thought to actually look for it.
Obi-Wan opened his eyes, and slowly managed to get to his feet. He still felt a bit sick, but he decided to ignore that feeling. Meeting up with Anakin would be incredible. Not only would it be a relief for all of the terrible emotions and depression Obi-Wan had been suffering, but with Anakin on his side, Obi-Wan was sure that they would be able to defeat Vader.
He stumbled back to the dining room, but didn’t stop to sit down, he just continued on towards the stairs to go up to his room and pack. He still didn’t have much more with him now than he had on the medical outpost, but he wasn’t sure if Anakin would want to come back here, if he’d prefer to return to whatever safe place Anakin must’ve been hiding out in.
As he was throwing all of his things into a bag, he heard a polite knock on the open door and glanced over his shoulder to see Moira standing there, giving him a concerned look. “Is everything alright?”
Obi-Wan hesitated before responding. As grateful as he was towards Moira for everything she’d done for him, he wasn’t sure that it was safe to tell her the truth of his past. Not because he distrusted her, but more for her own protection. So he carefully thought through how to explain without sharing everything. “Someone I thought to be dead is alive after all, and I need to go to him as soon as possible.” He’d already confided in her about his lost baby, and he gulped before continuing. “He was the other father. His apparent death occurred when I was far apart from him, and I was so distraught that I fear that may have been the cause for the little one’s passing.”
Moira stepped into the room and rested her hand lightly on Obi-Wan’s arm. “Are you sure that it’s safe to go to him?” She paused for a moment before turning around to gently close the door to the room before facing Obi-Wan again. “I recognized you as soon as I saw you, you know. You may not remember, but I’d never forget your face. It was about twelve or thirteen years ago at this point. The force was disturbed nearby, and it was driving all the animals into frenzies. My daughter was nearly trampled to death while trying to calm them. You and your master were the ones to save her, and calm everything down. I wouldn’t have my baby if it weren’t for you. But I know that these are dangerous times for the jedi. Money is offered out to anyone with information on a jedi’s whereabouts.”
Obi-Wan furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you saying that you think Anakin is really someone else tricking me into turning myself in?” Moira shrugged, a worried look on her face. Obi-Wan offered her a comforting smile. “I do not think that that is an issue. We have a bond that we can communicate through. It could not possibly be anyone but my Anakin.”
Moira sighed. “Very well then. Just do be careful, Ben. And know that you will always be welcome and safe here. Whether you have your Anakin with you or not.”
Obi-Wan smiled, and pulled Moira into a hug. “Thank you for everything.” Then he quickly finished packing up. “I need to go as soon as possible to see him.”
“Good luck,” Moira said softly. “I’ll be praying for you.”
Obi-Wan thanked her again over his shoulder as he hurried away. He was bound and determined to reach Naboo in one place. He assumed that it would be safe there if Padme was still in charge, but he’d never wanted to head there on his own and invite trouble to her doorstep. He had asked Bail to pass on the message that Obi-Wan was alive so that she would at least know it, but he had assumed that it would be easiest for her if he stayed away.
He had to use up the last of his small amount of money to get to Naboo, and had to use the force a few times to direct attention away from himself. Luckily, though, even though he’d been one of the two great generals during the war, Anakin had always outshone him, which meant that most people wouldn’t recognize Obi-Wan’s face at a glance. He hoped that Anakin had an easier time getting here.
Obi-Wan hid out until nightfall, and then made his way to the palace. He assumed that Anakin would have come straight here, since he’d always been good friends with Padme. He slipped past the few guards that were patrolling, and tried to ignore the sudden warning from the force that coming here had been a bad idea. How could it be so bad to want to see Anakin again? It was probably the only thing that would stop him from slowly going insane on his own.
It had been a while since the last time Obi-Wan had been here, but he still remembered the way to Padme’s apartments. He felt weird sneaking into a lady’s quarters in the middle of the night, but it seemed to be the most likely place he would find Anakin. As he passed through the ballroom in a quick shortcut, he jumped in alarm when the door behind him slammed shut, and the force slammed into him simultaneously, both from the outside as it pinned him up against the cool wall, and from the inside as alarms blared in his mind that he had to get out of there.
The lights flicked on, and Obi-Wan could see that the room wasn’t as empty as he’d initially thought. His eyes widened as he recognized the infamous black suit Vader always wore in the holovids, and he wondered how he hadn’t detected the presence of someone who had to be so strong with the force.
Obi-Wan struggled against the invisible bonds keeping him on the wall, but didn’t bother trying to shout or plead for his life. If he was going to be killed here, he would die with dignity. There was only one thing he needed to know first. “What have you done with Anakin?” He knew that no one else would be able to contact him through that bond, so it had to have been Anakin that did it. But he could easily imagine Vader torturing his lover into submission, or other such terrible possibilities.
For some reason, though, the simple question seemed to take Vader by surprise, if the way he stopped mid-step and tilted his head was anything to go by. Even as Vader lowered his arm, Obi-Wan remained trapped in place, and he watched as Vader considered him for a moment before slowly reached up to remove his helmet.
Familiar golden hair was the first thing to tumble loose, and then Obi-Wan’s eyes immediately searched all over that achingly familiar face. From the scar by his eye to the slight glimmer in his eyes, if this was some kind of illusion, it was painfully well made. “What’s going on?” Obi-Wan demanded in a gravelly voice.
Vader slowly approached Obi-Wan with the air of a man who had all the time in the world, and then he stopped when they were right in front of each other. Obi-Wan was raised slightly higher so that they could look each other in the eyes, which made Obi-Wan’s legs dangle awkwardly, and the tops of his toes scraped against the ground. “It’s me, Anakin. But I have to be sure that you’re really you.” He closed his eyes and leaned forward to touch his forehead against Obi-Wan’s for a moment, before tilting in a different way to press a deep kiss to Obi-Wan’s mouth.
There was no denying the immediate surging of their bond, flaring to life again. The man in front of him was surely Anakin Skywalker, and yet he clearly wasn’t. Just like he’d noticed before, Anakin’s bright light was gone, though now he could see that it had been replaced by a muted brown. Anakin had gone dark side. He was really Lord Vader as much as he was Anakin, and Obi-Wan had no idea what to do with that information. “What happened to you?” He silently pleaded to the force for there to be some logical explanation. Like Anakin had bested Vader in battle and taken over his mantle to get close enough to kill the emperor, or something. Anything.
Anakin gave him a crooked little grin, the same grin that always made Obi-Wan’s heart flutter in his chest. “I thought you were dead,” Anakin whispered back. “I had all those nightmares of you dying in terribly gruesome ways. You remember waking up to the sound of me screaming, right? You insisted that they were just dreams, even though when you had your visions, and Qui-Gonn insisted the same, you had always refused to believe him. You told me that once, remember? And then you were gone, and I felt it in the force when you died.”
Obi-Wan was still stuck to the wall, and caged in by Anakin’s arms on top of that, but he could suddenly move his hands again, and he reached up to cup the side of Anakin’s face. “It was an appointment to check on the baby. I kissed you goodbye before I left, don’t you remember?”
Anakin frowned. “I thought you were dead, and I wanted the universe to suffer for daring to take you away from me. And then I learned that I could bring you back if I took the energy of all those dead jedi. I’ve always told you that I would do anything for you, Obi-Wan.”
“I was never dead,” Obi-Wan insisted. “You spilled all that blood for nothing.”
There was a look of confusion on his face, and Obi-Wan felt so lost. He had no idea what was going on. He only knew that being reunited with Anakin should have been the happiest moment of his life, but instead he just felt sick. And then Anakin reached down with one arm to gently rub against Obi-Wan’s stomach. “It’s been a while. The must be what- five? six months old now?”
Obi-Wan gulped, and closed his eyes so that he wouldn’t have to look at Anakin when he delivered the news. “They didn’t make it.”
“What?” Anakin gasped sharply.
Obi-Wan had to swallow down a sob. “Feeling all the bonds I’d ever built get torn away, and then all the pain and loss ricocheting through the force, and losing you, I- they couldn’t survive all of that. I barely survived.”
Anakin’s hand gently rested on Obi-Wan’s chin, lifting it up so that when Obi-Wan opened his eyes in surprise, he was looking directly at Anakin. “Are you saying this is my fault?” He didn’t sound angry, but maybe he’d simply gotten better at hiding his emotions. Obi-Wan certainly wasn’t getting anything out of the bond at the moment.
There was nothing he could say to deny Anakin’s words. If Anakin had been Vader all along, then yes, it was his fault that their baby had perished. “Anakin…”
Suddenly Anakin was leaning forward to bury his face in Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was- I thought- I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan. I’m so sorry.”
Even though he still felt so lost, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin to pull him into a tight hug. Despite how foreign he felt at the moment, he was still Anakin. “If you’re really sorry, then you’ll help me fix this.”
Anakin quickly nodded. “Yes, anything. Anything for you, Obi-Wan. You know I would do anything for you.”
And that was the problem, wasn’t it? But Obi-Wan was selfish sometimes, and he didn’t want to lose Anakin again. He was finally released from his spot on the wall, but Anakin was clutching him so tightly that he didn’t drop down at all, and he continued to cling to Anakin as well. “We’ll fix this together. And then we can go anywhere in the world, just the two of us.”
“I love you so much, Obi-Wan. So much that it tears me to pieces inside and I never know what I’m doing. I get so scared that you’ll be taken away from me again.”
Obi-Wan gulped, not sure what to do with the responsibility of holding Anakin Skywalker’s heart. “I love you too,” he whispered, and it was the first time he’d ever admitted his feelings out loud. “We’ll fix this,” he repeated. “We have to.”