Chapter Text
The market of Saint Denis was as busy as ever. Arthur wondered how so many people fitted into the narrow streets that make up the market. He grunts and glares at the people passing by, it was maybe the third time someone had stepped on his foot. But it was good that the place was so crowded. No one would notice the small group of four standing near the stalls watching the entrance of the pawn shop.
Thanks to Hosea, they had found out that beneath the pawn shop there was an underground business that made lots of money and they usually moved it out by the end of the week.
It was split up. Usually three or four people would walk out with maybe five hundred dollars each and then take different routes until they reached their destination.
The plan was simple, wait for them to start coming out and send a gang member to follow them until they could discreetly dispose of them and take the money. The many alleyways of Saint Denis were perfect for the task, the only bad thing about it was having to wait for who knows how long until they came out.
Sean had even started wandering off into the stalls when he started to get bored until Hosea told him to get back and stay alert.
Arthur on the other hand fought boredom by smoking cigarettes and watching people walk by, trying to guess what they would buy.
“Are you sure they’re coming at all, old man?” Micah annoyingly asks Hosea.
“They are, we just have to wait.”
“They probably even left already.” Micah mumbles and Hosea fights the urge to roll his eyes.
“Isn’t there a back door or something? Maybe they could leave through there.” Sean suggests while eating candy from a small bag. When the hell did he buy that?
Hosea sighs and rubs his eyes. This is what he gets for bringing children to a job. “If we check around the building will you both stop complaining?”
“Sounds better than standing here for another forty minutes.” Micah gets up from where he was sitting and takes the lead.
“Come on Arthur.” Hosea calls him and Arthur takes one last drag off his cigarette before dropping it and stepping on it. If he could be honest he was also starting to have some doubts but he would never say them out loud, especially when it was Hosea who was behind the whole plan.
“Aha! See? There’s a back door.” Sean points when they move around the building.
“That looks closed to me.” Arthur says.
“Let’s go take a look, Morgan you go first.” Micah gives Arthur a slight push and he turns around to tell him to fuck off but as he looks back at the back door something catches his eye.
It’s just a simple thin man in an overall. He looks dirty and sick, just how Arthur remembers him. He has a little smile on his face and seeing it makes Arthur feel like he wants to turn around and leave.
“Well? What the fuck are you waiting for? Move!” Micah pushes Arthur again but he doesn’t react. He seems frozen.
“Arthur?” He hears Hosea’s voice first but it starts to sound muffled, then he can’t hear him at all. His eyes are glued on the man a few steps away and his throat feels like it’s gonna shut and his entire body starts sweating.
“Come on! We don’t have time for this!”
“Micah shut up! Arthur, what’s wrong?”
There’s no way he is moving a step closer. Fuck the backdoor and fuck this entire plan, he doesn’t want to go near him.
“Hey man, I think the employes are starting to come out. We should go after them.” He hears Sean’s voice in the distance.
Arthur realizes he’s so close to tears but he doesn’t want to cry in front of the others. He’s also terrified that the man will notice him. The more Hosea and Sean ask what’s wrong with him the more people start to look at them, and Arthur has to run before he causes a scene.
He runs as fast as he can, ignoring the others calling his name. He bumps into so many people on his way out but he doesn’t care to look back. The crowd also makes it difficult for Hosea and Sean to catch up with him and Arthur loses them in mere seconds.
He finally looks behind his back when he’s far away from the market, he doesn’t see Hosea or the man, but he keeps running until he reaches an empty alley.
He presses his back against the wall and slides to the floor and brings his knees close. Now that he’s finally alone he breaks down sobbing. Seeing his rapist again brings back all the memories, and he can see everything happening again, even his body starts to hurt somehow, like it’s going through the whole experience once more.
He starts to fear that maybe he’s still unconscious on that guy’s floor. Still getting raped. He curls into a ball and cries his heart out, hating himself for being so weak, for being so trusting. What if that man found him here alone and did it again? It doesn't make sense that he was in that market in the first place, as Arthur had killed him about a month ago. But he can't stop to analyze the situation, he's scared, embarrassed and disgusted with himself.
He had been doing somewhat fine despite the fact that he couldn't talk to anyone about it. He suffered through it alone. There was no point in telling anyone in the gang, they would only laugh at him. Like Bill did. He couldn't sleep after Bill made a joke about it, he was certain he was going to tell everyone. It made him feel so fucking ashamed, like he was a joke.
In all that time he spent repressing his feelings he considered killing himself so many times and no one knows how close he came to ending his life in many of those attempts. And right now it's starting to seem like a good idea again. He just wants to die so that he doesn't get raped again.
He can't go back with the gang, they won't stop asking questions until they get something out of him. So he pulls out his gun. It's loaded, as expected, and he starts to lift it with a shaky hand when he hears a familiar voice.
“Arthur?”
Albert Mason looks at him with a concerned look on his face and as soon as he sees the gun in Arthur's hand and where he is moving it to, he immediately approaches him.
Albert is the last person Arthur would want to find out about his secret. He doesn't want to deal with his questions, so he lifts his other hand to stop him from coming closer.
“Stay away!”
But Albert doesn't listen to him and he runs towards him just in time to push the gun so that it points to the ground. Arthur doesn't fire it, he just sobs into Albert's shoulder. Albert takes the gun out of his hand and puts it in his bag before Arthur can do anything else.
“Leave me alone.” Arthur sobs and tries to push him away with almost no force at all.
“It's ok, Arthur. Everything is going to be ok.”
“No it won't. I need to die...please just let me do it.” Albert hugs him tighter and ignores the pain in his heart Arthur's words cause.
“You don't need to die. Listen to me, everything will be ok.”
It feels like hours pass until Arthur stops sobbing or asking for his gun, Albert doesn't let go of him the entire time, or stop telling him he'll be ok. Once he has calmed down a little Albert lets go of him and sits next to him. Arthur fears he’ll start asking questions, but to Arthur's surprise, Albert doesn't pry. He just sits there quietly and rubs Arthur's back.
“How about we go watch a movie?” Albert suddenly asks while Arthur dries the last of his tears. Arthur sniffles and nods, he likes the idea of sitting in a dark room where no one can see how miserable he looks.
Albert helps Arthur to his feet and they walk to the tent where Albert buys tickets for a comedy movie, hoping it’ll cheer Arthur up a little. They take a seat near the back and Albert rubs Arthur’s knee. It's just an innocent touch meant to comfort him, but Arthur tenses. He hates being touched anywhere on his legs or near his crotch, but he can't do or say anything about it. Albert is so nice to him and he would never do something like that to him, Arthur would hate to make him feel bad for simply touching his knee.
Still, it makes him incredibly uncomfortable. He watches the movie in tense silence, not being able to think of anything else. Albert eventually takes his hand off, making Arthur sigh in relief. He hates himself for reacting like that to a simple touch and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to be casually touched like that again without feeling repulsed or threatened. He barely registers when the movie ends.
“Have you had breakfast yet?” Albert asks him once they're outside the tent.
Arthur shakes his head so Albert guides him to a restaurant. Albert doesn't comment on the way Arthur seems so lost in his thoughts.
Arthur likes Albert but he keeps thinking that he's ruined for him. Who would want someone used like him? Someone they couldn't even touch without making him almost cry.
"Everything ok?" Albert asks him.
Arthur nods, despite his emotions.
"Ok, but if you wanna talk, I'm right here."
Arthur nods again and sighs.
“You must think I’ve gone mad.”
“I don’t, I’m just very worried about you. It hurts me to see you like this, Arthur.”
Arthur doesn't know what to say to that.
"Does your family know you're here?" Albert asks when Arthur stays silent.
“They know I’m in the city. Probably”
“Would you rather go be with them?”
“Not at all.”
Albert sighs.
Soon, a waitress comes to take their orders. Arthur orders eggs and hashbrowns, while Albert orders pancakes.
“So did you come here on your own?” He asks Arthur.
“No… we were supposed to do a job here… but… I… I left”
"Why's that?"
Arthur scowls. "Let’s just say I’m tryna avoid someone, and leave it at that."
"Stalker?"
"Something like that."
Albert wrinkles his nose. "I know what that's like."
“You do?” Arthur’s eyes go wide, and he fears something similar might’ve happened to Albert.
“A guy at the gallery I worked at was very friendly at first, but then it escalated to the point where he would follow me after work and wait outside my house.”
Arthur shudders. "Did he...?"
"No. My dad shot him twice in the crotch. He left me alone after that."
Arthur looks down. He wishes his dad would have been there too to shoot his rapist. Hell, he could have done it himself, had he not been so weak and stupid.
"What's wrong?" Albert asks.
Arthur mentally curses. "Nothing."
"You look even sadder all of a sudden.”
“‘S just how I look.”
“I’d like to believe you, Arthur” Albert says sadly, suddenly remembering Arthur’s gun is in his bag, and what Arthur had planned to do with it.
"What do you mean?"
Albert takes a moment to think about his next words "I know you're feeling... down today, and I just don't want you getting hurt."
Arthur stays silent. He doesn’t want to promise anything, as the idea is still lingering in the back of his mind. Maybe not around Albert. He saw the worry in his eyes when Arthur had his gun in his hand, he doesn’t think he could go through with it with him watching.
"Look, Arthur, I care about you, even if you don't know that. I don't want you dying on me" Albert holds his hand out.
Arthur hesitantly takes Alberts hand. “I’m sorry.” He says in a small voice.
“It’s not your fault, you’re going through a tough time. I promise it’s not permanent.”
“It sure feels like it is.”
"I've been there. Believe me when I say that it does get better. You'll be happy again, and everything will be absolutely wonderful. But you have to be there for it."
Arthur nods and retrieves his hand. Somehow he feels a little bit better, this is the most he had talked to anyone about his feelings in so long. He likes how Albert doesn’t seem to judge him or simply tell him to stop crying and ‘’man-up”.
Maybe he could tell him about...maybe he’d understand.
Arthur hardly notices when the waitress sets their food down in front of them. He only notices when Albert pokes his arm. Arthur lets go of Alberts hand and grabs a fork, mouth suddenly dry. He eats slowly, not really feeling hungry after the morning he had. He plays with his food for a while before he speaks again.
“Albert?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think people can come back to life?” He asks quietly as he stabs a hashbrown with his fork.
"Uh, no? Why do you ask?"
"Nevermind." Arthur eats the hashbrown.
"Is something bothering you?"
“I just...was wondering...you know how there’s something strange about these swamps? The night folk and all that.”
“Uh...I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“Nevermind. It’s stupid.”
"No no no, tell me."
Arthur sighs. “In my time here I have run into the ‘night folk’, weird people that attack everyone they see out in the swamps at night, I have seen pentagrams in abandoned sheds, crying women dressed in white…”
“Ok so...there seems to be some sort of dark magic or ghosts out there.” Albert takes a sip of his coffee. “But I don’t know… I still would find it hard to believe people come back to life. Why did you ask?”
“I saw someone...” Arthur tenses. “Someone I killed.”
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'll never forget his fucking face."
"No, are you sure you killed him?"
"His head got eaten by a crocodile, so I’m gonna say yes."
"I'll... I’ll take your word for it. Where did you see him?"
"In the market."
"Really?”
“I know he was there...he was just standing there watching the people...like nothing happened.”
Albert hesitates, trying to think of the best way to ask. “Is he...” He starts softly. “Is he the person you’re trying to avoid?”
"Yeah."
Albert softly gasps. "You... you can spend the night at my place if you want."
“Thanks...”
“But don’t worry, I’m sure he’s not real, you must be stressed or something.”
Arthur slams his fork down "I know he's real! I know I fucking saw him!"
Albert holds his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, I believe you!"
Arthur grumbles something under his breath and picks his fork back up.
“I’m sorry, Arthur. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t believe you”
Arthur looks away with a frown. “I need to make sure he dies.”
“You want to go look for him?”
“You don’t understand, Albert! He could do the same to someone else!”
“Do what?”
Arthur freezes. He didn't mean to let anything about THAT slip.
"Look, Arthur, as confident as I am in your ability to get things done, I don’t think it's safe for you to go looking for him. Let's just finish our meal, then I can take you home. Or let you stay at my apartment. Whichever you feel is best."
Arthur’s heart is racing at having almost confessed. He just nods and refuses to look at him in the eyes. Still, as awkward as he feels now, he would feel worse around his family.
“Can I stay with you?” He asks shyly.
“Of course.”
"Alright. Gonna have to find my family first, though. I, uh, left in a hurry."
"I'll help you look for them. What do they look like?"
Arthur describes Hosea, Sean, and Micah. Soon after, they finish their meal they go back to where Arthur and the others were before he ran away. Arthur keeps looking behind his shoulder the whole time like he fears the man is there somewhere. He tells Albert he’ll ask around in a nearby saloon while Albert asks around the market. Then, they split up. Albert keeps standing on his toes due to his height, but he eventually finds an old man that fits one of Arthur's descriptions. The man watches the people around the market like he is too looking for someone.
"Hello, are you Mr Matthews?" Albert asks.
"Yep, that’s me." The man's hand hovers over his gun. Albert doesn’t notice.
“Oh, that’s great news, I’m with Arthur. He’s looking for you.”
“Arthur? Where is he?” The old man asks a bit too desperately.
“At the saloon. Come on, I’ll take you there.” Albert leads the old man to the saloon. They immediately find Arthur and go over to him.
"Hey." Arthur says.
"Where were you? You had us all worried sick!"
“I know, I’m sorry...” Albert moves to the bar to give them some privacy.
“Why did you run away?”
“I- can we talk about this later?”
The old man sighs and rubs his face. “Fine, let’s go.”
“Wait, Hosea!” Arthur walks after him, and Albert follows them outside.
"What?"
"I... I’m staying at Albert's place tonight. Can you let the others know?"
A hint of a smile appears on Hosea's face. "I see how it is. Sure, I’ll tell them."
“Thanks.”
“But we still need to talk, ok?”
Arthur frowns and looks away “Ok.”
“I’ll see you back at camp, son.” Hosea pats his shoulder and walks away.
Albert walks up to Arthurs side. "So, anything else you want to do?"
"Nah." Arthur shakes his head.
"Then I shall take you to my place. It's not far from here. Follow me."
Arthur walks next to Albert and he continues looking around just in case. He instinctively reaches for his gun to feel a bit more secure, but finds it missing from its holster. Did he leave it in that alley after Albert stopped him from killing himself?
“Shit, my gun!”
"I have your gun." Albert brings up.
Arthur stops. "Let me see it!"
Albert carefully pulls it out, mindful of how it's probably loaded.
“Jesus, why did you put it in there? You could have shot yourself!” Arthur checks it, and just as Albert had feared, it is loaded.
“Well I’m sorry I was more worried about you at the time.” Albert folds his arms and frowns.
"Next time, check if it's loaded. I don't want to come across your dead body any time soon." Arthur says as he holsters his gun. He takes one more look at Albert, and his expression softens. He also feels guilty for talking to him like that. “I’m sorry, I worry.” He lowers his voice to be more gentle.
Albert sighs and stops frowning. He can’t really be angry at Arthur. “Well, at least now you know how I feel. Come now, Arthur. I’m sure you could use a warm bath to make you feel better.”
"You don't have to, I-"
"No no no, a friend in need is a friend indeed."
Arthur starts grinning. "Friend?"
“Of course, I’m a bit offended that you have to ask.” He chuckles.
Arthur follows him through another alley right next to a liquor shop. At the end of it is a small garden with lots of plants, then they go up the stairs of a small building, and Albert stops at the first door to their left. Arthur can’t help but think that the place seems really nice and peaceful.
"Must be nice living ‘ere with all these plants."
"Technically, it’s illegal to grow them, but the landlords don't care." Albert holds the door open for Arthur.
“Thanks” Arthur walks in and looks around at the living room. Albert has a bunch of photography material laying around almost everywhere, which Albert immediately tries to move and put in order, but apart from that it’s really pretty.
"Nice pictures you got." Arthur says, looking over some pictures of women in tuxedos.
"Thanks! I try to capture the beauty in all my subjects." Albert puts a large camera away "Pride myself on it, in fact." He pushes some old test photographs into a broom closet. “I’m still working on getting your picture printed.” He adds with a smile as he finishes clearing out most the couch.
“My picture? Why do you want that?” Arthur picks up a few pictures Albert dropped and puts them on a table.
“Well, you’re part of the wildlife collection of course. I wouldn’t have finished it without you.”
Arthur blushes. "You don't need to do that, no one wants to see my ugly mug."
"I do."
“Well, you’ll have a hard time trying to ‘capture my beauty.’”
“Oh stop it!”
Arthur smiles just a little and Albert smiles back.
“I’ll go get the tub ready, please make yourself at home.”
Arthur sits down on the couch. "Thank you... for everything."
"It's no problem." Albert leaves.
Arthur takes the chance to look around some more. there's hundreds of photos on the walls. he wonders how albert manages to travel w all these photos.
He looks through the kitchen area and everything seems much more in order than the rest of the living room. He’s still looking at the many photos on the walls when he hears a meow.
“Hey kitty.” He turns to find a chubby grey cat staring at him. The cat rubs up against his leg, and Arthur bends down to pet it. "What's your name, huh?"
Just then, Albert comes in. "Oh! I see you've met one of the neighborhood cats. I feed them a lot, so they come here often."
“Yeah! I can see that.” Arthur chuckles. “Think this one might need to exercise more thanks to you.”
“Well I can’t help it, they just show up with their cute little faces and I just give them as much food as they want.”
"They like to cuddle often?"
"Oh they love to, especially this one in particular. She likes to sleep on top of my chest, but she doesn't understand that she's too big to be doing that, so I often dream that I’m suffocating."
“Heh, she seems really nice, what’s her name?”
“I call her Ravioli.”
“Are you planning on suffocating Albert in his sleep, Ravioli?”
The cat meows.
“Well, I’d be worried if I were you.” Arthur jokes.
Albert laughs. "I bet she's planning on killing me so that she and her friends can eat me, isn't that right?" He bends down to pet Ravioli, who purrs in approval.
"A diabolical mastermind."
"A fiend and a villain." Albert picks her up and sits on the couch with her on his lap. Arthur sits next to him and watches the cat with a little smile as she purrs and closes her eyes.
“That man we met at the market, is he your father?” Albert asks.
"Yep."
"Huh. If I had known that, I would’ve spent a bit more time talking to him."
"No no, it's ok. I think he approves of you."
"Oh, good." Albert smiles. "Also… I think I saw him smile when you told him you were staying here. What was that about?"
Arthur shrugs. "Beats me. He's a funny man at times."
They talk for a bit more until Albert goes to check if the tub and comes back with a towel and clean clothes for Arthur.
"Here you go, they should fit you well. Maybe a bit big." He chuckles as he pats his belly.
"Ah, bet you have a cute belly." Arthur takes the stuff.
Albert blushes a little. "It's... not that cute..."
“I would disagree.” He smiles and walks past him to get in the bathroom.
“Call me if you need anything!” Albert calls from the living room.
"I will!" Arthur goes into the bathroom and locks the door behind him, then strips down and settles into the tub. It's the perfect temperature, just how Arthur likes it. He takes a rag and begins to scrub his arm clean.
Once he’s done washing himself he stays in the tub for a while, thinking about what happened. He could have died had it not been for Albert. He still feels pretty shitty about himself, but the kindness Albert’s shown him today makes him feel a little glad he showed up in time. Plus, he's starting to think that maybe Albert has a point about things getting better. This current moment is certainly better than earlier, when he felt so fucking filthy he wanted to die, not to mention he was so embarrassed by his memories. In that moment, it had felt as if everyone could see what had happened to him simply by looking at him. It made Arthur want to run away, and so that's what he did. And if Albert hadn’t stopped him, he would've killed himself, and he wouldn't have gotten to have this nice bath. Maybe Arthur could live for these moments.
But it still scares him to think that man is alive and somewhere out there. He shakes his head and decides not to think about it for now, he’ll deal with him later. For now he feels comfort from Albert’s scent on his clothes. When he's done getting dressed, he leaves the room and goes back to Albert. The shirt keeps slipping down one shoulder, but it'll do for now.
"I’m done." He says as he steps into the living room. He sees Albert cuddling with a mountain of cats and smiles.
“Hi, I- uh… can’t move.”
“I see Ravioli got to work early on suffocating you, even brought some friends.”
“She’s a cat on a mission.” Albert chuckles, and many of the kitties meow in protest to him moving.
Arthur sits next to him. Some of the cats immediately get to work suffocating him.
"Well, now they’re getting me too."
"They're little opportunists."
They both laugh as they pet the kitties.
“By the way, Albert...”
“Yes, Arthur?”
“I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet… for everything you’ve done. It means a lot to me. I really needed a friend.”
Albert smiles "Well, it's the least I can do after you've saved my hiney a million times."
"Anyone would save such a charming photographer with a big heart."
"Stoooop, you're making me blush."
They spend their evening talking and laughing. Albert makes them tea and they sit out in the balcony. Albert reads a book while Arthur writes in his journal.
"What would you like to have for dinner, Arthur?” Albert says after a long pause. “I'm not the best cook, but I can make a decent meal, or we can just go to the Italian restaurant just across the street."
"No no no, you've already done so much for me, I can't make you cook."
"No no no, you're my guest, it's only natural I cook for you."
"No no no, you don't have to."
They go on like this for a while.
"Ugh, you know what? We'll both cook. Happy?" Arthur says.
"Well that should be fun." Albert smiles and stands up. "Come on, I have a cookbook. We can pick something from there."
Arthur reads the title, “Southern Home Cooking.” "Huh. You into southern cooking?"
"Yep! My mom’s from Florida!"
"Huh. My old man tells me that place is horrible."
“It's not so bad, once you get used to the humidity."
"If it's any worse than here, I don't think I'd survive more than a day."
"It's not so bad!" They look through the pages. Arthur’s a bit conscious about how close they are, but it doesn't bother him, it just makes him nervous. In a good way.
"That recipe sounds good." Arthur points to one.
"Huh, I think I have enough to make it" Albert props the book up on a stand, then grabs the ingredients and sets them on the counter.
Albert gives the directions to Arthur on what to do as he reads the recipe and Arthur does his best, although he is a bit distracted by how cute Albert looks in his apron. When they put the finishing touches on their food, Albert looks so happy and adorable that Arthur wants to scoop him up and kiss him on the nose. Instead, he high fives him, and their hands linger for just a bit too long. They both notice and blush but don't say anything about it.
"Want to eat here or the balcony?" Albert asks awkwardly.
"Here is good."
They set up the table and Albert leaves for a moment and brings a bottle of wine. He pours a glass for Arthur, then for himself.
"You serve all your guests wine?"
"No, I just figured to save this wine for later when I bought it, and I figured now's as good a time as any to break it open." Albert puts some food on his plate. "Besides, I'll be leaving in two weeks, if all goes according to plan, and I can't take it with me"
Arthur is a little sad, hearing about Albert’s plans. He has no idea if he’ll ever see him again after that, considering the gang will probably move far away.
“You finished your work here?”
“All thanks to you” Albert smiles. “I’ll be displaying the pictures in a gallery show before I leave. Maybe you’d like to come?”
"I'd love to " Arthur says before even processing what Albert said.
"Great! I'll try to see you there if I can."
“So, where are you going?” Arthur grows more sad with each passing minute. He is alive just because of Albert. What else is going to make him stay alive once he leaves?
“Back to New York, I have another show scheduled there. They’ll use my pictures for a campaign to preserve wildlife!”
"Really? Who’s gonna use them?" Arthur feigns excitement, even though he feels anything but.
Albert tells him all about the organization using his pictures. "...And if nothing else, they'll preserve my pictures for future generations!"
“That’s great.”
“I know, right? At least I achieved that after almost being eaten by all those animals.”
“What about your apartment? What will you do with it?”
“Oh, I already found someone to rent it to. Charles Chatenay or something like that, French painter. He’s ok with the cats, so at least Ravioli and her friends will still have company.” He smiles as he watches a few cats walk under the table.
A tabby crawls onto his lap and meows insistently.
"No, Annie, you can’t have any food." Albert tells her.
Annie meows louder.
"It’s vegetarian. You won’t like it."
Annie dives towards Albert’s food. Albert catches her in midair and drops her onto the ground.
"Sorry if they bother you. They don't seem to understand that not all food is for them."
“They don’t bother me.” Arthur says, moving his food around with his fork with a distant look in his eyes.
“Something else is?”
“Huh?” Arthur blinks and looks at him.
“What’s wrong?”
"Nothing." Arthur lies, petting a particularly cuddly cat. "I'm happy for you, I really am."
"I was talking about you, not me."
Arthur sighs. "I can't hide anything from you, can I?"
“I suppose not, but you don’t have to. What is it?”
“I...I’ll miss you” He looks at the cat he’s petting instead of Albert. “But don’t worry about me, I’m genuinely happy for you, even if it sucks that I won’t see you as much” Arthur finishes that sentence with ‘ever again’ in his head.
"Don't worry, we can write to each other. And, if things go well, I might be able to come back here!"
"Yeah, but..." Arthur sighs again "I’ll miss you."
Albert looks sad too for a moment. He also will miss Arthur, he likes this cowboy more than he wants to admit, and after what happened that morning, he is honestly a bit scared of leaving him behind.
“As much as I’d like you to come back, why would you anyway? New York seems way better, there’s nothing good here.”
Albert hesitates for a moment but he answers in a quiet voice “There’s you.”
Arthur jolts up and looks at him with wide eyes. "M-me?"
"Yes, you."
"But... why me? I’m just some guy."
“You’re more than that, Arthur.” He smiles softly at him. “And it’s honestly a tragedy that you can’t see that.”
“You can’t be serious.” Arthur looks at him confused. It just makes no sense that Albert might like him back.
"I am. I mean every word I say when I say that you're an extraordinary man. You're brave, patient, always helping those in need..." Albert tenderly reaches towards Arthur's hand, stopping just short of touching him. "Anyone would admire a man with those traits."
Arthur looks at Albert’s hand and he wants to hold it so badly, but he still feels somehow like he doesn’t deserve someone like Albert. Plus, he remembers he is disgusting, and a mess, and he irrationally fears that just by touching him he’ll ruin Albert too.
“Arthur?” Albert calls his name with a bit of worry.
“You don’t know me that well Al, I’m not good enough. I’m nothing.”
"You may think that, but you're anything but. You're the man that always gives beggars money, always pets the dogs and cats you encounter, always helps children in need even at the risk of your own life. And..." Albert pauses to swallow. "You're my friend. I care about you. Deeply."
Arthur has to look away when his eyes begin to fill with tears. “I care about you too...love you even...” He says it before he can stop himself, and he just keeps talking, all his repressed feelings pouring out at once. “But I have nothing good to offer you Albert, I’m just some common thief, a murderer and I’m ruined. I’m ruined for you and for anybody else.”
“What do you mean?” Albert wants to hold his hand but he fears he’ll scare him off.
"I..." Arthur looks away, and suddenly finds a picture of a random building absolutely fascinating. "I'm damaged goods."
"Arthur, look at me."
Arthur swallows the lump in his throat and tears his gaze away from the picture and forces it towards Albert.
"I couldn't care less about your sex life, or whatever makes you think you’re deficient. You're you, and that's enough for me."
Arthur feels more tears fill his eyes and his throat closing in, as if saying it out loud might take the pressure of it and let him breath, but at the same time, admitting it might kill him too. Again, he says it before he can stop himself.
“I was raped.”
Albert’s eyes widen slightly as he leans a bit backwards. "You..."
Arthur nods. "Man I killed was my rapist."
"Arthur, I... I don’t know what to say..."
"Don't have to. I understand." Arthur stands up and pushes his chair in. "I'll go back home now. Thanks for everything."
"Wait!" Albert grabs his hand. "You don't have to go!"
Arthur doesn’t say anything, he just stands there looking away as his tears finally fall from his eyes
“Please stay, I- we can- I don’t know just… please stay. Please. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”
Arthur’s lip trembles. His feet feel as though they've turned to cinderblocks, and his knees wobble as though he's never walked in his entire life. But somehow, he finds the strength to shuffle his feet so that he's facing Albert.
"Ok." A squeaky voice harsly whispers, almost to the point of unrecognizability.
Albert slowly moves closer to give arthur time to push him away if he doesn’t want him to touch him, but thankfully, Arthur even moves first to hug Albert. He holds him so tight Albert feels like he might pass out but he hugs him back just as tightly to let him know he’s there for him. Arthur can’t hold it in anymore and he starts crying into the crook of Albert’s neck.
"Shhh, everythings gonna be ok, just let it all out." Albert whispers as he rubs Arthur’s back.
"I- he- fuck, I can't..."
"It’s ok, you don't have to talk about it. Not if you don't want to."
“I was- so- so fucking stupid.”
“No you weren’t, this is not your fault.”
“I just… walked into his house like an idiot.”
“Arthur it’s ok, you couldn’t have known” Albert moves slowly, guiding them towards the couch. Arthur lays down on his lap, crying into his shirt as Albert holds him and gently brushes the hair out of his face.
"I could have- could have shot him, if I wasn’t so damn weak..." Arthur starts to hiccup.
"Arthur, you're the strongest person I know. You're far from weak."
"Then explain to me how the fuck I got knocked out!" Arthur suddenly shouts. After a moment he takes a deep breath. "Sorry, you didn't deserve that."
“It’s ok, I understand you’re upset. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“I hadn’t told anyone until now...”
“Not even your family?”
“One of my ‘brothers’ might have found out, but he only made a joke about it so no, I decided not to tell anyone.”
"Oh god, I'm so sorry about that.”
"Don't be. He's an asshole anyway."
"Still. You don't deserve to have people joke about something so... horrific.”
“It just made me feel like I was a joke. Like it didn’t matter at all.” Arthur presses his face into Albert’s shirt to avoid looking at him.
“Fuck. It does matter Arthur, it matters a lot. You don’t deserve to be treated like a joke.”
“And on top of all that, the fucker might still be alive.”
"Hey, next time you go out, I could come with you. It might be good to have an extra set of eyes out."
"Thanks, but you can't shoot to save your life. I'll only be putting you in danger."
“I can still throw a rock at him or something.” Albert says confidently, with his chest slightly puffed. Arthur snorts and smiles for a second “I love you too Arthur, and I don’t anyone to hurt you ever again.”
Arthur frowns and tries to hold back more tears. "I... I don't want you getting hurt either. And I'm not willing to risk you getting raped too. You don't deserve that."
“See? That’s what I was saying before, you’re just so damn caring about others, even when you’re at risk.”
“But I’m still disgusting.”
Albert sighs "No you're not. What other people do to you doesn't make you disgusting, or filthy, or damaged goods, or a monster. especially when it's not your fault."
"But-"
"No buts. Say it w me, 'it was not my fault.'"
“It was obviously a trap and I walked in-“
“Still not your fault. Say it.”
Arthur sighs and takes a deep breath. "It was not my fault."
"Good. Now say it again."
"It was not my fault."
"Again."
"It was not my fault."
"There you go." Albert tightens the hug "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
“Didn’t really feel like it fixed anything, to be honest.”
“It’s not supposed to ‘fix’ you. It’s just something important you need to realize. I’ll be damned if I let you go another minute blaming yourself for your own rape.”
Arthur silently adjusts his position so that he and albert are touching more.
"The only person to blame is the rapist, and I don't want you believing otherwise." Albert continues. As he says this, some cats make their way into the living room and climb onto their laps.
Ravioli in particular climbs Arthur’s arms and sits on his shoulder. She starts to purr and rub her face on his making him smile a little. “See? Even Ravioli here has your back.”
"Or maybe she's trying to kill me" Arthur jokes.
"Maybe. Maybe she's trying to bargain for treats."
"I don't have any." Arthur begins to laugh.
“Looking at her figure I think it’s for the best.”
Ravioli meows at him.
“That’s a very rude thing to say to a lady, Albert” Arthur chuckles and rubs his eyes. They sting from how much he has been crying today, and he feels even more tired than usual.
"What can I say? I was never good with the ladies."
"Prefer the guys, huh?"
"I like both, to be honest." Albert starts petting the cats.
"Huh. Me too." Arthur yawns and rubs his eyes again “I’m sorry that I ruined our love confession with this, by the way.”
“Oh don’t even start. You didn’t ruin anything, and this is important too. But I think you’re tired from all this, so how about I prepare the bed for you?”
“You’re not coming?”
“Only if you want me to” .
"You're... willing to share a bed with me?"
"Of course I am."
"Are-are you sure?"
"Yes. Even if I didn't love you, I'd be happy to share my bed with you."
"But im-"
"No no no, don't start again. You'd make an excellent choice in a bed partner, platonically or romantically."
Arthur gets off his lap and Albert offers his hand to him, he finally holds it and Albert smiles at him and guides him to his bedroom. He stands there as Albert looks for an extra pillow and blanket and places them on his bed, which seems big enough to fit them both perfectly. Then, Albert turns around and starts to get ready for bed. "Which side would you like?"
"Left."
"Ok, I'll join you in a minute."
Arthur sits on the bed and takes off his shoes while Albert changes into something more comfortable, he offers some pajamas to Arthur but he says he’s ok like that. As Arthur lays down he watches as Albert pulls down his shirt over his soft belly, he just seems so perfect
then, Albert gets into bed and pulls the covers over them both.
"Comfy?"
"Mhm." Arthur smiles. His eyes begin to flutter shut.
"Goodnight." Albert scoots into Arthur and hugs him.
"Goodnight." And just like that, Arthur falls asleep.
Arthur sleeps peacefully for the most part, having Albert’s arms around him help him a lot to feel secure but there’s nothing he can do about his mind when it starts to replay images of the man. Arthur begins mumbling and shifting a little but a few minutes later he starts whining and trying to push Albert away. He starts to sweat again, and he thrashes around to combat the shadows plaguing his mind.
"Arthur? Everything alright?"
"Please, stop!" Arthur whimpers.
Albert sits up and tries to shake him awake, but Arthur just gets more frightened when he touches him. “It’s ok, it’s me, Albert.”
“Please please please, I’ll give you my money. All of it. Just stop!”
"Arthur, it's just a dream." alberts voice shakes.
"I swear I won't tell anyone, just pull out, please!"
Albert doesn’t know what else to do, so he hugs Arthur and tries to tell him he’s ok. Arthur tries to push him away with less effort each time, like he’s tired.
“Why are you doing this?....I hate you so much...” Arthur sobs. “Please stop it hurts so bad....”
“Arthur, please wake up, it’s just a bad dream, it’s not real!”
Arthur’s sobs slowly die down. “Fuck… why…?” He shivers and pulls his knees to his chest.
Albert’s heart breaks at that. “Hey, it’s ok, everything’s going to be fine. It’s just a bad dream. He can’t hurt you.”
“Albert?”
“Shh, it’s ok Arthur, I’m here” he caresses his cheek
Arthur sobs again and moves closer, so Albert immediately wraps him with his arms. “It’s ok”
“I… fuck.” Arthur chokes back a sob. “Why’d he have to do that?”
“I don’t know.” Albert answers quite honestly.
“I fucking hate that man.” Arthur hides his face in Albert’s neck. “I wish he’d stay dead.”
“I know, I wish he did too.”
“I’m going to find him and kill him as many times as is necessary!”
“Arthur-“
“I don’t want to be scared of seeing him again every time I go out!”
“Arthur, listen to me. You’ll only risk getting hurt, or arrested, or even raped again.”
“Then what am I supposed to do? I don’t want him going around raping people.”
“Maybe you could… talk about how you feel. If you want to, of course.” Albert suggests, smoothing out Arthur’s hair.
“And how’s that supposed to stop him from hurting others?”
“At least it will help you to stop hurting so much.”
“I want him gone… I have to do it Albert.”
“What do you want to do?”
“At least check his house, see if he’s still there, I don’t know”
“I’ll go with you.” Albert says before he realizes it.
“No, I can’t endanger you.”
“Then at least take someone you trust with you. I don’t want you getting hurt all over again.”
“Hm, maybe I’ll do that. Bring some fire whisky, too…” Arthur mutters.
“Hey, Arthur?”
“Yeah?” Arthur pulls back a little to look at Albert.
“If you do see your rapist, could you punch him in the face for me?”
Arthur laughs. “Oh, I’ll do more than just punch him.”
“Good. Now... do you still want to talk about it?”
“What am i supposed to talk about?”
“Whatever you want to get out of your chest, only if you want to.”
“I... I hate how scared I feel... all the time. I wasn’t like this before. The only way i thought someone could hurt me was with a gun but it was ok because i could fight back. Now i feel completely helpless and scared.”
“Maybe you could take steps to protect yourself, like, uh,” Albert draws a blank on what Arthur can do. “You could… travel in a group! You’ll be less likely to be taken by surprise!”
“Huh. Maybe I should.” Arthur lays his head on the pillow. “What else?”
“Uh, you could make yourself more intimidating? I don’t know, I’m not exactly a night owl. I can’t come up with many ideas this late at night.”
“Neither am I, for that matter.”
“Let’s try to go back to sleep and come up with more ideas in the morning”
“Mhm” Arthur cuddles closer to Albert but he has a slight frown on his face. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep but he won’t keep Albert up so he closes his eyes and pretends to sleep.
“Night.” Albert risks pressing a light kiss to Arthur’s cheek.
Arthur smiles in response. “Night.” He takes Albert’s hand and holds it.
Albert closes his eyes, and in a few minutes, his breathing slows down. However, Arthur’s breathing stays the same all night long. It refuses to change pace, even as the first rays of sunlight peek through the curtains. He sits up and rubs his eyes, then looks over to Albert, who’s sound asleep and drooling on the pillow.
He smiles a little as he watches him, he likes Albert so much and he still can't believe he likes him too. Or maybe he did, until he told him about what happened. He could have changed his mind, and Arthur wouldn't blame him if he did. He rubs his face and yawns again. It was a pretty awful night for him and he can't help but wonder what sort of things he said in his sleep. Albert must've definitely heard them. He feels another wave of embarrassment and he considers writing him a note and silently leaving. He did only invite him to spend the night anyway.
But then Albert snorts and hugs Arthur a little tighter, and Arthur discards that thought. Being cuddled with like a teddy bear is… nice. Arthur can’t remember a time when he was held like this in someone’s sleep. Not even Mary, or any other of his partners for that matter, ever held him like this. Arthur lays back down and wraps an arm around Albert. Albert stirs at the movement, and he blearily opens his eyes.
“Mornin.’” Arthur greets him.
“Morning.” Albert smiles and touches Arthur's cheek “How did you sleep?”
“Fine” He lies, and puts his hand over Albert’s. All this affection feels so good.
“You didn't sleep, did you?” Albert says. Arthur looks down. “You could have told me, I would have stayed up with you”
“That was the point of pretending to sleep, Al. You need to rest too”
“I would've helped you fall asleep, you know.” Albert puts his head on Arthur’s strong shoulder. “Or at the very least, help you take a nap.”
Arthur can’t help but smile at him. “You’re a good man, Albert.”
“I try my best.” Albert squeezes his hand, then gets up. “I’ll make breakfast, you stay here and take a nap.” He starts changing out of his pajamas and slips into casual clothes.
“I can help you” Arthur offers, already feeling guilty for making Albert do so many things for him.
“No no, I want you to rest. You might fall asleep while cooking if you help me like that” He jokes and leaves the room.
Arthur stares at the ceiling for a bit, trying to clear out any thoughts in his head and then he closes his eyes, but he can't fall asleep. He turns to the bedside table where he left his bag and he pulls out his journal. Drawing always helps him relax, so maybe this time it will help too. He begins sketching Albert's room, getting all the details he can. When he's done drawing that, he tries to remember what Albert looked like sleeping next to him. He even includes a little stain of drool on his pillow and he smiles when his sketch turns out just the way he wanted. As he continues adding more details he feels his eyes close, and before he knows it, he is asleep with his journal laying on his stomach and his pencil still in his hand.
-----
Albert nudges the door open with his hip and steps into the bedroom. He smiles at the sight of Arthur sleeping with his journal, then puts the plates of bacon and eggs down on the nightstand, takes Arthur’s journal and pencil, and puts them with the rest of his stuff.
“Wake up, Arthur.” Albert nudges Arthur awake.
“Mm.” Arthur pouts and rubs his eyes. “What day is it?”
“Saturday.” Albert sits down next to him. “I made breakfast.”
“Smells good.” Arthur mumbles and sits up.
“Did you rest well this time?”
“I think, I didn't dream of anything thankfully. Thanks for making me breakfast by the way ”
“No problem.” He impulsively kisses Arthur's forehead and he blushes a little when he realizes what he did.
“Uhm…” Arthur blushes too and he doesn't know what to say. “So...after last night we uh…”
“We confessed we like each other.” Albert smiles. “But don't get stressed out about it, we can go slow. We don't have to become a couple right away or anything.”
“But can we...kiss?” Arthur's cheeks go red.
Albert’s face turns the color of a tomato. “I, uh, sure! We can do that! Whenever you want!” He looks down and giggles.
“Can I… kiss you? Now?” Arthur fiddles with his sleeve.
“YEEEEES!” Albert suddenly shouts. He clear his throat afterwards. “I mean, yes. Yes we can.”
Arthur smiles and cups Albert’s cheek, then leans in and captures Albert’s lips with his own. Albert’s lips are impossibly soft, and somehow taste of watermelon and cherries. After a moment, Albert embraces Arthur and strokes his hair with one hand. The kiss lasts for an eternity, and yet it feels as though it happened in only milliseconds. When they break apart, they’re both panting and flushed like they just ran a marathon.
“Chapstick?” Arthur asks, dragging his thumb over Albert’s lips.
“Yep.” Albert smiles giddily. “Old family recipe.”
Arthur smiles and he can't help but to kiss him again. Albert smiles into the kiss and puts his hand behind Arthur's neck to pull him closer. A few moments later they pull away and Albert kisses Arthur's cheek one more time.
“We should eat now, before it gets cold.” He chuckles and reaches for the plates on the nightstand.
“If this turns out half as good as dinner did last night, I might just have to marry you.” Arthur jokes as Albert hands him his plate. Arthur takes the fork and eats some eggs. “Mmmmm, you’re an amazing cook.”
“Thank you.” If Albert weren’t already blushing, he would turn completely red. “But I doubt they’re good enough to marry me for…”
“Oh really? I bet you have a whole line of people waiting to propose to you because of your cooking.”
“Flatterer.” Albert grins.
“So uh...what are you doing today?” Arthur asks after taking a sip of coffee.
“I’ll be taking some of the pictures I already printed to the gallery I told you about, for the show. And packing too, I only have two weeks to put all this stuff away…” He looks around like he regrets hoarding so many things.
“Right…” The smile slowly disappears from Arthur's face.
“Anyway, how about you?” Albert asks. He crunches on some bacon.
“Uh, I don’t know, reckon I’ll go back home, make sure my family knows I’m not dead. Then… I don’t know. I’ll probably go fishin’ with my nephew or something.”
“You have a nephew?”
“Yup. His name’s Jack. He likes to cause trouble when his poor mom’s not looking.” Arthur chuckles at the memory of a particularly hilarious prank on Micah.
“Hopefully that doesn’t carry over into adulthood.” Albert smiles as he scoots a lil closer. “Who else is in your family?”
“Well...there's Hosea, the man you met yesterday...and uh…” Arthur is not sure if he should continue, there's no way he can mention Dutch Van der Linde to Albert considering he is one of the most wanted men in the country. He knows Albert wouldn't tell the law one of his gang members is in Saint Denis but also what would he think if he knew he was basically his father? “It's just me and dad, my brother who sometimes shows up, his wife and son, the other brother that’s an asshole, and a bunch of other random people that live with us.” He ends up saying.
“Huh. I have a small family too. There’s my mom and dad, my grandpa, and that’s it. Any other relatives are either dead, or deadbeats.”
“Dang. So you’re an only child?”
“Yes. Tell me, what’s it like having a sibling?”
“Uh, me and my brothers were adopted, so I didn’t get a brother until later in life, but having one involves a surprising amount of violence.” Arthur explains. “For example, just the other day I got into a fist fight with one of them over something I don’t even remember. All I remember was that it was ridiculous.”
Albert gasps. “Why?!”
“I dunno, but apparently that’s a universal thing among siblings. Another thing about them is that we ride or die together, too. They’ll help you hide a body whenever you need to. But at the same time, they’ll probably punch you in the face for inconveniencing them. There’s no in-between.”
“Sounds fun and terrifying”
“It is.” Arthur chuckles
“Huh… if you say they would even help you hide a body… why haven't you told them to help you with… the man?”
Arthur stares at his coffee for a moment. “No. I can't tell them. They're good people, but they wouldn't understand. I don't want them to know anything about it.”
“Why wouldn’t they understand?”
“Well, one of them’s a fucking idiot, and the other, well, I told you about the joke he made.”
“But you can take the other one with you! You don’t have to tell him what that man did to you.”
“But he’s probably gonna question it, and frankly, I don’t wanna have to deal with any questions.” Arthur downs the last of his coffee.
“I see. What about your dad?”
“Maybe he would help me but again… he would ask questions, more than anyone else, especially after the way I ran away yesterday. Everyone will want to know why I did that”
“Ok I understand, just promise me you won't go alone. You can find someone else.”
“Maybe I will be ok this time, I know what he's capable of…”
“I’m going to stop you right there. It’s too risky to go alone. At the very least, bring one person with you.” Albert instructs Arthur.
“You’re determined to make sure I don’t get hurt again, aren’t you?” Arthur smiles slightly.
“Of course I am. I wouldn’t wish that fate upon anyone, much less someone I have feelings for.” Albert takes Arthur’s hand.
“Thanks.” Arthur squeezes Albert’s hand. “You’re too kind for your own good.”
“Better to be too kind than too cruel, I always say.”
Arthur smiles at him, ignoring the way his mind tells him he is the complete opposite of Albert and therefore unworthy of his love. He wishes he wasn't so much trouble, maybe that way he would have a chance of keeping a guy like him.
“Are you done with that?” Albert asks, pointing to his almost empty plate.
“Uh, yeah.” He passes his plate to albert and stands up “I’ll help you wash them.”
“No no, leave them.” Arthur pouts, and it's so cute Albert can't fight a smile. “Alright then, if you want to do something, feed the cats for me. Their bowls are downstairs in the garden, the food is on the kitchen counter.”
Arthur stretches, then walks over to the kitchen. He almost trips over a cat on the way, who meowed in indignation before going back to licking itself. When Arthur reaches the kitchen, he sees Ravioli and Annie playing with a piece of string.
“Hey, kitties.” Arthur greets them before grabbing the bag of cat food. A horde of cats come running into the kitchen, and they all scream and paw at Arthur. “Whoa, easy, don’t wanna kick you.” Arthur carefully walks through the ocean of fur, trying not to hurt any of the cats. However, they crowd around him so thickly that he can’t go through them anymore.
A melodious laugh makes Arthur look up. Albert is standing by the sink, about to wash the plates. “I’m surprised they aren’t trying to climb you yet.”
“Climb me?”
As if on cue, a brave cat decides to climb the mountain that is Arthur in order to get to the food. Albert laughs again and picks up a feather and bell on a string, then waves it around. The cats start focusing on the shiny toy instead, leaving Arthur free to walk around.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Careful with the stairs, this won't distract them for long.” Arthur decides to hurry up and get to the garden before the kitties come running after him. He finds the six bowls around the tree in the center of the garden and fills them. Soon after he hears meows and they cats come running for their food. He pets a few of them before going back inside and leaving the bag of food where he found it.
“Thank you, Arthur.” Albert smiles while drying a plate.
“Yeah. Uh...I should probably go now.”
Albert frowns. “Take care, now.” He reaches over and kisses Arthur on the cheek. “Don’t confront him alone.”
“I won’t. Bye.” Arthur steps away. He grabs his stuff, then he walks out of Albert’s apartment, glancing behind him every so often.
It doesn’t take long for Arthur to find his horse. He mounts it and lets the horse steer itself to camp. While it gallops, Arthur takes the time to think about Albert and their budding relationship. He knows damn well that Albert will leave, and whatever they have between them will probably die, but that doesn’t stop Arthur’s heart from yearning for something more. His heart wants to stay with Albert forever and ever, damn the consequences.
He wants him to stay so badly but It seems he will have so many more opportunities in a big city like New York. Plus the way he talked about his work, how excited he seemed about his projects it made Arthur realize he could never ask him to stay with him.
Just two weeks.
Two weeks and then who knows when they’ll see each other again.
“Well there you are.” Micah’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts when he arrives to their camp. “Had fun fucking your boyfriend while the rest of us worked?”
“Leave me alone.” Arthur walks right past him with the intention of going to his tent but he grabs his arm.
“Why did you run away Morgan? Suddenly realized you hadn't had a dick in your ass in a long time and needed to find your boyfriend?”
Micah barely has time to finish his sentence before Arthur's fist meets his face, and then Arthur throws himself on top of him.
“I’M SO FUCKING SICK OF YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!” Arthur wraps his hands around Micah’s throat and squeezes so hard Micah’s eyes bulge. “YOU DO NOTHING BUT STINK UP THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN CAMP WITH YOUR DIARRHEA BIGOTRY!!!!!”
Javier and Lenny are the first to arrive at the scene, and boy do they get happy once they realize what’s going on. They start cheering Arthur on and even offer to help.
Arthur doesn't stop until Micah’s face is bloody and swollen. Bill and Sean have to drag him away before he kills Micah, all because of Dutch’s orders, who is yelling and asking what the hell is going on.
Bill holds Arthur in place, being such a big guy it's very difficult for Arthur to break free especially after spending so much energy beating the shit out of Micah so he just stands there panting and glaring at him.
“Arthur, what are you doing?” Dutch touches his son’s cheek and looks at him worried. It's been years since he has seen such a murderous look on his face. Arthur just glares and slaps his hand away. He struggles hard enough to break free from Bill’s hold, but Bill immediately puts himself between Arthur and Micah again.
“Arthur?” Hosea carefully approaches Arthur, but Arthur turns around and begins to walk in his horse’s direction.
“Arthur, what the fuck happened?” Dutch starts following Arthur. “Arthur!”
“I need to be alone for a while.” Arthur gets on his horse and turns it around.
“Arthur!” Hosea calls out to him, but Arthur makes his horse gallop away.
Arthur rides through the forest, down in the direction of Rhodes. He needs to blow off some steam, and there’s a certain faction of racists in white that are perfect for the job. Some familiar white robes come into view, and Arthur pulls out his revolver and shoots all of them without an ounce of remorse. Then, he rides off as quickly as he came.
He rides until he finds the small pond Javier took him fishing to and he leaves his horse tied up to a tree as he approaches the water. He’s still panting and high on adrenaline as he sits on dirt. He moves his hand and it stings, his knuckles are bloody. He dips it in the water and washes the blood off. Then, he collects some water and splashes it on his face.
He takes a deep breath and looks at his reflection. The rippling in the water distorts his appearance, making him look like some other man. Arthur leans back and brushes his hair out of his face, then he takes out his fishing pole and starts fishing. While he waits for a bite, he takes several deep breaths and imagines the various ways he’s going to kill Micah. So far, he’s leaning in favor of making a swarm of rats eat his belly.
Maybe if he hadn't punched Micah he could have asked him to help him take out his rapist. That way if something happened it wouldn't be a great loss. On the other hand he would probably tie Arthur up and sell him to the man.
He shakes his head, he is so tired of thinking of him. And now he has to think of Micah too. All he wanted was to lay down in his tent for a while and forget about everything that happened that morning. Now everyone probably thinks he has gone completely insane. First running away and now almost killing another gang member.
Around the time Arthur starts getting a bite, he hears a horse trotting nearby. He ignores it and starts reeling in his fish. Then, he sees someone to his left cast a line out.
“Did you kill those klan members?” Hosea asks as though he was discussing the weather.
“Yep.”
“Good. A few less scumbags in this world.” Hosea coughs.
“Were you following me?”
“Not exactly.” Hosea scratches the back of his head. “I was tracking you down. Me and your father are worried sick about you.”
“I’m fine.” He answers with a frown.
“That’s not what I saw back there. Or yesterday.”
“I’ve calmed down, i’m not going to kill Micah. Not unless he acts like an idiot again. Why is he still with us anyway?”
Hosea sighs and shrugs. “You’ll have to ask your father about that. Now, please don’t try to avoid the subject. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Arthur’s mouth pinches into a thin line.
“Don’t lie to me, son. Something’s clearly eating at you.” Hosea wraps an arm around Arthur. “I just want to help.”
Arthur’s eyes turn downcast as he finally reels in his fish, a small trout. “Nothing.”
Hosea sighs. “You’ll never make it as a con man at that rate. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”
Arthur’s lip and hands quiver as he unhooks the fish and puts it in his bag. He doesn’t want to look at Hosea, because if he does, he’s going to tell him everything, and then Hosea won’t want anything to do with him anymore. After all, he was too weak to fend off one man. Why would Hosea want to associate with someone like Arthur?
“Arthur, are you crying?”
Arthur immediately wipes his face with his hand and turns his face.
“No, I’m- it’s sweat.” He mentally curses himself for being such an idiot.
“Arthur it’s ok-“
“I’m not crying!”
“Is this about your friend Albert? Did something happen?”
“No! Nothing happened. Please just- just leave me alone” Arthur covers his face when he can’t hold back his tears anymore. He brings his knees close and he cries quietly. He feels something wrap around his body, and it takes him a moment to realize that something is Hosea.
“It’s ok, you can tell me. I’m your father, I won’t judge.” Hoses pats Arthur’s arm and kisses the top of his head.
Arthur chokes on a sob. “I… I was in the swamp, and there was this man…”
Hosea hugs Arthur a little tighter. He frowns as he listens to Arthur recount what happened.
“He invited me in his- his house, and like a goddamn idiot, I just walked in there…” Arthur’s whole body shivers uncontrollably. “And then he… he…” Arthur breaks down sobbing into Hosea’s shoulder.
Hosea is already imagining the worst possible scenario. He really doesn’t want to find out something awful like that happened to his son but unfortunately all signs point to that. So he kisses the top of his head and tells him it’s ok.
“He?” Hosea asks to help him finish.
“He… fuck… he… knocked me out. I’m sure you can imagine the rest.” Arthur shudders and hugs Hosea tight.
Hosea just sits there with wide eyes. His son was…
His son was…
“Is he still alive?” Hosea presses. He needs to know how to handle the situation. When Arthur doesn’t respond, Hosea repeats himself.
“I FUCKING KILLED HIM!!! BUT HE CAME BACK!!! HE FUCKING CAME BACK!!!” Arthur screams at the top of his lungs.
“What- what do you mean?”
“I SAW HIM IN TOWN!!! HE WAS JUST… WATCHING EVERYONE!” Arthur starts sobbing anew. “He… I fucking panicked… ran away. Albert found me.”
Hosea nods. Now everything makes sense, Arthur looked terrified back at the market and Hosea had no idea what made him look like that. But now that he knows what happened, he wishes he could turn back time and ask Arthur to point him out so he can strangle him.
“You can’t tell anyone...please. You can’t. Not even dad.” Arthur mumbles.
“It’s-“
“Please promise me, Hosea!”
“I…” Hosea mulls it over for a second. “I promise.”
“Thanks.” Arthur wipes his nose on his sleeve.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Bill… he found out. Joked about it.”
“I’ll fucking kill that bastard.” Hosea mutters. “Anyone else?”
“Albert. I told him about it.”
“How did he treat you?”
“He… he was nice.”
“Good. He seems like a good man.” Hosea says. “I’m glad you have a friend like him.”
“He’s leaving for New York in two weeks.”
“Oh… well, maybe you can write to each other?”
“Yeah.” Arthur laughs sadly “That’s what he said too. But I don’t think it will be enough… I like him… a lot.”
“Does he know?”
Arthur smiles a little and sniffles. “He does now. Last night, we talked about a lot of things, including what happened to me… and, well, we confessed some other things too.” Arthur smiles again at the memory “We kissed.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” Hosea smiles. “I want to meet Albert right away!”
“You did.”
“Yeah, but we didn’t really talk, so I wouldn’t say that’s meeting him.” Hosea explains. “But anyway, we should introduce him to your father!”
“Wait wait wait, Dutch is one of the most wanted men in the country!”
“Oh yeah…” Hosea’s disappointment is almost tangible. “Well, maybe someday.”
“Maybe.” Arthur lays his head on Hosea’s shoulder.
“Is it ok if I tell your father about this?”
“Yeah, just not everything else…”
“I know, I know.”
Arthur stays silent for a few minutes, occasionally wiping his face with his sleeve. The next time he talks his voice sounds very quiet.
“Albert saved my life.”
“How so?”
“I…” Arthur feels another lump in his throat but he forces himself to say it. In the last few hours he has come to realize that as hard as admitting something ugly is he somehow feels a bit better afterwards, knowing that it’s just one less secret to hide. “I was going to kill myself yesterday. Albert stopped me.”
Hosea blinks several times in a row. “You were going to…?”
Arthur nods. “Yeah.”
Hosea is quiet for a long time. Arthur starts to fear that Hosea will finally reject him, but in the very next moment Hosea wraps him in a bone-crushing hug.
“Arthur. Promise me you’ll never kill yourself, no matter what.” Hosea’s voice is shaky, the most unsteady Arthur’s ever heard it get in his life. “Because I swear, if Dutch and I have to bury our own child, it will kill us both.”
Arthur’s eyes fill with tears and he hugs Hosea tightly. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I was so desperate. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Promise me, Arthur.”
“I promise. I’m so sorry.”
“I love you, son. So much.”
“I love you too.”
They hold each other in silence for a while and when they finally pull away Arthur can see the trails of tears on Hosea’s eyes. He quickly wipes them off and smiles at Arthur so he doesn’t worry.
“Now I definitely want to meet Albert.”
“I’ll tell him that, next time I see him.”
“You better see him soon, then, because I don’t want to wait months in order to meet the man that saved your life.”
Arthur smiles. “Hope he doesn’t forget about little old me up in the big city.”
“I’ll personally make sure he doesn’t.” Hosea pats Arthur’s shoulder. “Anyway, you must be starving by now. Didn’t you catch a fish earlier?”
Arthur pulls the now-dead fish out of his bag. Hosea takes it and lays it down on a dirty cloth.
“How about you keep fishing, see if any fish are left to bite. I’ll cook you up a nice meal. Maybe I’ll roast a veggie or two for you.”
Arthur smiles. “I probably scared all the fish off at this point.”
“No harm in trying.” Hosea says as he starts a fire.
Arthur puts more bait on the fishing hook and throws it back into the water. He catches something after a while and Hosea cooks them for him while Arthur draws some more in his journal. Hosea can’t stop glancing at him every now and then. What would a world without his boy be like? He doesn’t even want to imagine it.
“So, whatcha drawin’?” Hosea asks to fill the silence.
“Fish.” Arthur answers.
“Like the ones you caught?”
“Yep.”
“Hope they turn out pretty.”
“Thanks.”
Hosea puts the fish on a plate. “They’re done, I think.”
Arthur crawls over and stabs the bigger fish with his knife, then starts eating. Hosea starts eating as well. By the time they’re done, the sun is high in the sky.
“Well, looks like high noon. You wanna go back to camp?” Hosea suggests.
“...Will Dutch be mad at me?”
“To some extent, yeah. But I think he’s gonna be more relieved that you’re ok. After all, you basically came in, beat Micah, and immediately fucked off.”
Arthur scoffs. “Micah deserved every hit.”
“I don’t doubt it, how’s your hand by the way?”
“It hurts.”
“Let’s go back, i’ll put a bandage on it and give you some painkillers.”
Arthur sighs and nods. He’s really not looking forward to going back and dealing with the mess he left but he can’t just run away again and hide in Albert’s apartment, as much as he would like to do just that. Hosea helps him up, then they put out the fire and get back on their horses.
“Did I ever tell you about how me and Dutch first confessed our love?” Hosea asks as the horses start walking.
“Yeah, a million times.” Arthur groans.
“You’re gonna hear it another time. Anyway, we were robbing a bank, just the two of us cuz we were young and stupid, and while we were in the middle of stuffing our bags full of gold, money, jewels, you name it, the law starts coming in. And as you know, when the law gets involved-”
“Daaaad, I already know how it goes. You get into a shootout, pa gets shot, you think he’s gonna die, then you kiss and miraculously escape with the money.”
Hosea laughs. “That’s the power of homosexuality for you!”
“Why haven’t you used the power of homosexuality to get us out of the swamps then?”
“It doesn’t work as fine when there’s people like Micah around.” Hosea jokes and Arthur laughs.
—-
A while later they make it to camp and Hosea offers to brush and feed the horses while Arthur goes to talk with Dutch, he did because he realized right away that Arthur wanted to do it avoid going with him.
What was he even supposed to say? Apologize for punching Micah? That piece of shit had it coming for a long time. He walks slowly to Dutch’s tent, and when Dutch looks up from his book, Arthur can't help but look away. He doesn’t even know why he’s so nervous about facing his father.
“Arthur!” Dutch slams his book shut, throws it on the table, and hugs Arthur. “I was worried sick about you! First you run off yesterday, then there was that whole Micah fiasco, and then you stay out for hours! Where is your father?”
“Tending the horses.” Arthur mumbles.
“He’s in camp? Good.” Dutch lets go of Arthur. “So, uh, what happened earlier?” Dutch takes a seat and gestures for Arthur to do the same.
Arthur sits down across from him, looking anywhere but at Dutch. “It was the last straw.”
“What was?”
“Micah was being a bigoted piece of shit again.”
“What did he say?”
“It doesn’t matter he was being an asshole.”
Dutch sighs. “Arthur i’m worried about you, the way you looked while punching him. That’s not you. There was so much rage in you, rage I thought you had learned to control.”
“There’s only so much I can do when Micah opens his mouth.”
“I’m not saying you can’t defend yourself just… maybe don’t go so far next time?”
“He keeps being a bigoted piece of shit! And towards members of our own gang, no less!”
“You don’t need to beat him half to death, ok? That’s all I ask.”
Arthur sighs. “Fiiiine. But if he says something homophobic again, I’ll pummel him to a pulp.”
“Again?” Dutch raises an eyebrow.
“He was being homophobic earlier.”
“Really?” Dutch frowns. “I need to have a talk with him later…”
“Can I go now?”
“Sure. Could you send your father my way?”
“Sure.” Arthur gets up and walks to the hitching posts where he finds Hosea braiding Silver Dollar’s mane.
“Hey, how did it go?”
“Fine.” Arthur says with an sort of angry tone and Hosea winces.
“That bad?”
“No it’s just… ugh, doesn’t matter. He wants to see you.”
“Alright, do you mind finishing this for me?” He points to the horse’s mane.
Arthur picks up where Hosea left off. It’s nice, calming work, and it helps to ease the tension in Arthur’s mind. Before long, he’s all done, and he pats the horse on the neck.
“There. Now you’re gonna look nice and pretty.” Arthur says to Silver Dollar.
“She looks like a showhorse, now.”
Arthur turns around to find Kieran carrying a hay bale. He sets it down in front of his own horse, then gets a brush and starts brushing out Silver Dollar’s coat.
“Didn’t see you there.” Arthur says, still petting Silver Dollar.
“Are you ok, Mr Morgan?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”
“That was quite a beatdown you gave Mr Bell.”
“He deserved it.”
“Yeah…” Kieran looks around and lowers his voice a little. “I don’t like him either.”
“No one does, except maybe for Dutch.” Arthur frowns.
“Mr Bell says such awful things. I think he just wants to rile up the entire camp.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, I don’t know, maybe he just thinks it’s funny.” Kieran switches to the other side of the horse. “I’ve known plenty of men that were like that.”
“They never grew up, did they?” Arthur chuckles. “It’s a miracle they ever manage to find wives.”
“Yeah, i’ll never understand it either. Anyway, it’s good to have you back. We were all worried.”
Arthur blinks in surprise and smiles a little.
“Thanks, Kieran”
“I’ll stop bothering you now. Bye.” Kieran smiles and moves onto the next horse.
“You know,” Arthur calls out. “You ain’t so bad. For an O’Driscoll.”
Kieran says nothing. Arthur takes the hint and goes back to his own tent. He changes out of Albert’s clothes, making a mental note to return them later, and slips into his own clothes. It feels good to wear fresh, clean clothes, and Arthur makes sure to savor the feeling. Then, he steps out and follows the sound of guitar music to the main campfire, where Javier and Lenny are sitting.
“Hey!” Javier smiles and stops strumming once he sees Arthur. “Just the man I wanted to see!”
Arthur sits down next to Javier. “Somethin’ you want?”
Lenny pulls out a bottle of whisky and pops the cork off. “Have a drink with us!”
“What for?”
“To celebrate you punching Micah in the face, of course!” Javier says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
Arthur can’t help but chuckle. Well that certainly seems like something worth celebrating. He extends his hand and Lenny passes him the bottle.
“Where is the fucker, anyway?” He takes a swig and winces at the way it burns his throat.
“After they patched him up he fucked off, haven’t seen him since. Hopefully he won’t come back.”
“Nah, he probably went to get drunk and he’ll come back later to annoy the shit out of us.” Lenny drinks after Arthur gives him the bottle back. Then he passes it to Javier.
“How are you, by the way? Sean told us you left them in Saint Denis?” Javier asks.
“Better, now that I’ve introduced Micah’s face to my fist.”
Javier laughs. “May it turn into a long, long relationship.” He takes a swig, then passes it to Arthur.
“Fuck, did you see the look on his face when you punched him?!” Lenny bursts out laughing. “Oh! You’d think it was his first time getting punched!”
Arthur laughs. “Well, think it was the first time he’s ever experienced the consequences of his actions.” He drinks, then passes the bottle to Lenny.
They joke some more about the fight and Micah’s face until Hosea interrupts them.
“Arthur, I should take a look at your hand.”
“Oh, right.” Arthur says staring at his knuckles, they seem even more swollen now. “I’ll see you guys later, thanks for the drink.”
“Don’t mention it, cuídate.” Javier waves at him.
Arthur follows Hosea to the medicine cart and sits on a chair while Hosea looks for the stuff he’ll need.
“I’m glad to see you’re in a better mood.”
“Nothing like a bunch of friends and some good whisky to cheer you up.”
Hosea gets the stuff out, then sits down with Arthur and starts patching him up. “Y’know, this reminds me of your younger days.”
“When I tried to fight everyone and everything?”
Hosea laughs. “Yep. Looking back on it, it was fucking hilarious how you tried to fight everything.”
“Probably gave you and pa a few heart attacks.”
“Pfft. A few?” Hosea chuckles. “Try having three a week. And those are when you were calm.”
“Sorry, wish I could have been better.”
“Oh Arthur we love you just the way you are. Though maybe we prefer it when you don’t try to kill people for bumping into you.”
“That was only once, and the guy was an ass about it.”
“Alright then, I just don’t want you to go around killing for no reason until there’s a price too high on your head. Because then, everyone will come looking for you.”
Arthur contemplates Hosea’s words in silence as he finishes bandaging his hand. He is very grateful for Hosea, he cares about him so much even when Arthur brings so much trouble.
“Well, that should do it.” Hosea puts the stuff away and pulls out a small bottle. “Drink this for the pain.”
“Thanks. Uh, Hosea?”
“Yes?”
“I just remembered I probably owe you an apology about yesterday, I know I ruined the plan and made us lose a lot of money but I promise i’ll find a way to make it up to you.”
“Not the end of the world.” Hosea verbally shrugs. “Besides, I managed to lift some valuables from a rich couple. Hopefully, they’ll offset the loss.”
“What’d you get?”
“Eh, just some gaudy golden crap. Never been much for rich people jewelry.”
“Can I see?”
“Sure.” Hosea pulls the jewelry out of his pocket. The way it all shines makes Arthur’s eyes grow wide.
“How much do you think this’ll get us?”
“I don’t know, appraising things was never my strong suit.” Hosea puts the jewelry away.
“You should keep the money to yourself, you work harder than anyone else. Let the rest of us put money in the box. Specially Bill, I never see him put in anything.”
“Oh he does. It’s just that he only brings crap. He donated a pen the other day.”
Arthur snorts. “Very helpful, that.”
“Quite. Why, I believe Tilly asked for a pen the other day. Now she’ll never need to ask again.”
“What a pressing issue.” Arthur jokes.
“But seriously, Bill and Micah don’t do shit. Even Uncle manages to find some booze to donate.” Hosea points out.
“Maybe Uncle is the only thing standing between us and disaster. Maybe he’s the only thing keeping the apocalypse from happening.”
“That's...an interesting theory, son.” Hosea raises an eyebrow and chuckles.
----
Arthur spends the rest of his day doing chores around camp, he still feels guilty about the failed mission and he wants to work as hard as he can to make it up to the others. Micah does show up later that day and he is as drunk as Lenny predicted. Thankfully he only glares at Arthur and walks directly to his bedroll and goes to sleep.
Arthur goes hunting for a while despite feeling physically and emotionally exhausted but he manages to bring back a deer and two ducks, which makes Mr Pearson very happy. He washes Albert's clothes despite Tilly offering to do it for him and at the end of the day Arthur crawls into his bed and sighs.
He’s gonna have to find a way to properly thank Albert for everything he’s done. Maybe Arthur should buy him a gift or something. It’s the least he can do for him. And on top of that, he’s going to need to return his clothes.
“Maybe I should give him some flowers…” Arthur mutters.