Chapter Text
“Dean,” the voice called to him. He heard it through the fuzziness in his head. Right now, it was hard to concentrate on anything, except the desire to heave his guts up.
“Dean.,” the voice called more insistently this time. He knew the voice, but he was having a hard time placing it. It sounded like it cared about him, was worried for him. He was about to answer when he was overcome with the desire to lean over the toilet and toss up the contents of his stomach. He wasn’t sure what else there was in his stomach since he’d been at this for a while. Surely, his stomach was empty by now!
He heaved again and then flushed the toilet. He felt sweat beading against his forehead and dampening his shirt. Christ, he was a mess and . . . Dry heaved. He wasn’t sure which was worse, throwing up or the dry heaves. He heaved again, and decided it was definitely the dry heaves. They hurt like a sonofabitch!
“Dean?” the voice asked from behind him. He felt a hand on his back.
“You’re sick,” the voice said matter-of-factly. Sam, that’s right. The voice belonged to Sam and evidently, nothing got past his brother.
“I’m okay,” Dean said as he pushed himself away from the toilet and slowly rose to his feet. He felt like shit. He swallowed and tasted bile. He felt his stomach lurch, but thankfully his actual stomach stayed where it was in his body. He was pretty sure if he did throw up right now, it would be his stomach since it was empty. He turned, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste and carefully brushed, praying this action wouldn’t make him gag. He splashed some cold water on his face before turning back to Sam. He saw the look of concern in Sam’s eyes and groaned before he could stop himself.
“You don’t look okay. You’re pale and clammy. You’ve been throwing up for a couple of days now. Don’t you think you should see a doctor?” Sam asked, knowing what Dean’s reaction would most likely be. Dean hated doctors, he hated hospitals even more and balked at the mere thought of stepping foot into one or seeing a doctor if it didn’t have to do with a case they were working on.
“It’s probably food poisoning,” he said as he looked at Sam. He saw the look of disbelief in his brother’s face. “Okay, maybe the flu. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.” He turned away from Sam, not wanting to continue this line of conversation. He just wanted a cup of coffee. He felt his stomach flop around at that thought. He put his hand to his mouth, hoping that he wasn’t about throw up again.
“I know how you feel about doctors, but this has gone on long enough. Just get yourself checked out. I’m worried about you,” Sam pleaded.
All Dean could do was nod his head. Even that motion had him feeling nauseous. “I’m gonna go lay down for awhile.” He raised his hand at the beginning of Sam’s protest, stopping Sam from voicing his concern. “If I still feel like this when I get up, I’ll think about being seen. Maybe,” he called over his shoulder as he stepped out of the bathroom and into the small motel room they were crashing in. As he lay on the bed, he felt his stomach tightening and he groaned, not again, please not again, he thought to himself. This time, his stomach decided to place nice with him and he drifted off to sleep with the thought that he really needed to be seen by a doctor.
Three hours later, Dean cracked an eye open to find Sam sitting on the other full-size bed in their room. He snorted at the sight. They hadn’t slept apart in over five months now. So, seeing Sam on that bed was a little out of character for him now. Well, for both of them really. Usually, they crawled into bed together, wrapped their limbs around each other and slept. Or, didn’t, depending on how tired they were. They had come to the realization those few months ago that they were more than just brothers. It just felt natural, the two of them being together, being lovers.
It had started off with a few tentative kisses. They had just come back from a hunt. Both of them had been too keyed up to sleep and had decided to grab a bite to eat after returning to the motel they had been staying at. Dean had just shut and locked the door to the room when he turned to find Sam not more than a foot away from him. He stood there, looking up at his younger brother. He felt his face heat up at the look on Sam’s face. Sam looked like he wanted to devour him. The look had heat pooling in the pit of Dean’s stomach. He’d never seen that look on Sam’s face before and certainly never directed at him; lust, desire, want. He raised his hand to the back of his head and rubbed at the base of his skull. He always found himself doing that when he was nervous. His eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out what was going on, especially with his brother. Taking a deep breath, he was the first to break the silence the room was blanketed in.
“Sam . . .”
Sam had been the one to make the first move. He leaned into Dean, pressed his body up against Dean and kissed him. When Sam pulled away, his eyes were hooded with desire, but then something changed in him. It was like he realized that what he’d just done was wrong; they were brothers. When Dean hadn’t decked him, he leaned in again and kissed Dean, this time pressing Dean against the wall. “Been wanting to do that for so fucking long,” he murmured against Dean’s lips. “Always wondered what it would be like to kiss you. What it would be like to taste you,” he said as he nipped at Dean’s bottom lip. “Want me to stop?” he purred into Dean’s ear. “Tell me and I will. I’ll never do it again. I’ll lock this a way again like I have for so long. We’ll go back to just being brothers, like this never happened,” he said as he pressed his lips to the column of Dean’s neck. He felt Dean’s muscles working as he swallowed, as Dean tried to form words, as he tried to answer. Finally, he heard what he’d been hoping to hear from Dean.
“Don’t stop,” Dean rasped out. Dean let out a moan as Sam attacked his neck, biting, licking and kissing along the exposed flesh. He brought his hands up to Sam’s shoulders pulling him in closer before entangling his fingers in Sam’s hair. “Wanted you for so long. I just never thought you felt the same way.” He heard a soft laugh from Sam as he kissed him back. He trailed kisses along Sam’s jawline before licking into Sam’s mouth. The kisses were full of longing and desire, passion spilling over for each other
They hadn’t slept together that first night. It was too new, too uncertain. They wanted to be careful, they needed to be sure that they both wanted this, what each was offering to the other, because once that offer was accepted, they would never be able to go back to what they had been; just brothers. Once they had been sure that they truly wanted to be more than just brother, they had thrown themselves into this new relationship, throwing caution to the wind. They were happier for it, more content then they had been in, well, in forever. It was like coming home, like they were finally whole, one body, one soul.
Dean woke with a smile on his face, the memory of that first night still fresh in his mind from his dream. He finally had what he’d desired the most, Sam. And, as it had turned out, Sam had wanted him all along. They’d just been to scared to admit it to themselves, let alone each other. Now, they were a couple to those who didn’t know them. To those who did know them, they were just the Winchester brothers; they were cautious and careful in their actions, their touches and their words to each other. The last thing they wanted to do was draw attention to themselves and what they now were to each other.
Cautiously, Dean sat up. He took in a few breaths before trying to stand, all the while knowing Sam was watching him. He felt dizzy and hungry. He wanted food, he needed coffee. “I’m gonna get something to eat. I’m starving. You coming?”
Sam eyed him in disbelief. He shook his head no. “I’m good. I still think you should see a doctor.” He lowered his head back to his laptop, burying himself in what he had been working on.
“I’m fine,” Dean growled out at Sam and rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Just drop it, will ya!” Dean grunted over his shoulder as he grabbed his jacket and left the motel room in search of a place to grab a bite to eat. He opted not to stop at the diner next to the motel. He needed to drive and clear his mind. He pulled the Impala into a strip mall and looked around. There were a few stores, two restaurants, a children’s play place bosting bouncy houses and a health clinic. Because, of course there would be one here since he had no intention of going in to be seen. With a heavy sigh, he got out and made his way over to the first restaurant. It was one in a chain of restaurants he and Sam had stopped at before. As he got closer to the door and smelled the scent of cooking meat in the air, he doubled over and threw up. When he was done, he was pretty sure he was now missing a piece of his stomach - that was the only thing he could think of that was left to throw up. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he grudgenling turned around and forced himself to walk to the clinic. If Sam found out, he’d never hear the end of it. He gave a heavy sigh as he reached for the door, grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. He was hit with the smell of antiseptic and felt his stomach roil. He closed his eyes and prayed, yes he actually prayed, that his stomach stayed where it was. He was pretty sure if he did throw up, he’d find himself strapped to a gurney, on route to a hospital. He forced himself to breath through his mouth so the smell wouldn’t affect him as much.
As he entered the clinic, a young woman dressed in brightly colored scrubs greeted him. He wanted to moan in frustration at the outfit, the brightness of the colors hurt his eyes and the cheerful greeting grated on his already frayed nerves.
“I’m Angie, how can I help you today?” she asked, flashing him a bright smile.
He bit his tongue at the first response he wanted to shout at her, the ‘I’m fucking sick, figure out what’s wrong with me, now!’ response was on the tip of his tongue. He reined in his agitation and managed to get out, “Haven’t been feeling well, been throwing up. I think it’s something I ate,” he grumbled out to her.
She handed him a clipboard and a new patient form to fill out. “Why don’t you take a seat, fill this out and let me know when you’re done.” She motioned to an empty chair before disappearing on him.
He sat and began to fill out the paperwork. He was lost in what he was doing and never heard the nurse speaking to him. He startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“The doctor is ready for you. You can finish that later,” Angie said as she motioned for him to follow her through a door. She led him down a hallway to the last door on the right and opened the door to reveal an examination room. “Have a seat, I’m just going to take your vitals before the doctor comes in,” she said as she produced a blood pressure cuff. “Your blood pressure and heart rate are a little elevated. But, that can be expected when you’re sick. The doctor will be in shortly,” she said as she left the room.
Dean leaned back against the raised exam table and closed his eyes. There’s nothing wrong with me, he repeated to himself. It was just a bad gas station burrito that was haunting him. It had to be that. Or the flu. Nothing serious. A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts.
“Yeah?” Dean asked.
The door opened to reveal a petite brunette. “I’m Doctor Adams and you are?”
“Dean Winchester,” he offered.
“Okay, Mr. Winchester. What seems to be the problem?”
Dean explained what he’d been going through, what his symptoms were as the doctor wrote everything down.
“Well, it’s not food poisoning and it doesn’t sound like the flu.”
“See, it’s nothing,” he responded.
“I didn’t exactly say that. I need to run a few tests on you. Let’s start by getting a blood and urine sample. Think you can pee in this cup?” she asked as she held up the urine specimen cup and watched as Dean shook his head . “Good, bathroom is two doors down on your left. Leave it in the little collection unit on the wall and then come back to the room. Angie will be here waiting to take a blood sample.” She gave him a smile and walked out of the room.
He washed his hands after leaving the requested sample and returned to the exam room to find Angie waiting for him.
“Are you squeamish at the sight of blood?” Angie questioned him as she donned a pair of latex gloves. He shook his head no in response as she tied the tourniquet around his bicep, forcing his veins to pop out. “I’ll make this quick and as painless as possible,” she said as she gently pushed the needle into his arm and extracted a vile of blood. “See, painless,” she smiled at him as she withdrew the needle and disposed of it in the biohazard/sharps box hanging on the wall. “It shouldn’t take took long to get your results back. Hang tight and there are a few magazines in the rack if you’re interested.” She motioned to the wall as she left, quietly closing the door behind herself.
Dean leaned back against the table and closed his eyes. If it wasn’t food poisoning or the flu, then what else could be wrong with him? Cancer? Was cancer eating away at his body and he hadn’t known it? A soft knock at the door pulled him from the near tailspin his mind was ready to send him into. He forced his eyes open as the door opened to see Doctor Adams entering the room. Her face was expressionless. Oh, God, it was cancer he thought to himself as she pulled the stool closer to him and sat down.
“What do you know about your medical history?” she asked.
He looked at her, confusion clearly showing on his face. “Not much to know, other than I’ve been very healthy until now. It’s cancer, isn’t it?” He watched as the doctor smiled and then chuckled at him.
“No Mr. Winchester, it’s not cancer.” She heard him exhale loudly at hearing that and continued speaking. “Have you heard of the term male carrier?” she asked and watched as the expression on his face went from concern to confusion to caution. “I take it you’ve heard that before. Well, I’m surprised that no one ever diagnosed you as one before this, but you carry the gene that allows you to conceive. You’re not sick, Mr. Winchester, you’re pregnant.” She sat back from him and waited for his reaction.
Dean closed his eyes and felt numbness was over him. He wasn’t sick, the words echoed in his brain. Then his eyes snapped open at the next part. He was pregnant! No, that was impossible. “No,” he said, shaking his head from side to side. No, you’ve got it wrong. Check it again. There’s been some mistake!” His voice raised with each word as he spoke.
The doctor held up her hands, before placing them on his shoulders. “Please, Mr. Winchester, try to calm down.” She watched as his face turned from pink to scarlet. His mouth opened and closed like he was trying to gulp in air to breathe as he was hit with what was obviously a panic attack. “Just breathe.” She watched as his panic began to subside as he took a few deep breaths. “Okay, better?”
She watched as Dean’s breathing began to return to normal, the color drained from his face and he looked at her, green eyes wide with unspoken fear.
“I can only guess how shocking this is for you. I can assure you that we double checked the results,” she said. “It’s very common for parents to keep this knowledge from their male child, either out of concern for their well being, wanting their son to have a normal childhood. It’s nothing to be ashamed off. It’s more common than anyone thinks, being a male carrier. Unless you’ve been diagnosed with it, you would have no idea. Male carriers don’t ovulate monthly. Ovulation is triggered by sexual arousal. Once you’re child is born, you’ll be able to go on birth control, if you choose to, or you can use another type of contraception.” She pushed herself away from Dean as she stood up from the stool. “Come with me,” she said as she left the room and led him into another room down the hall.
Dean followed and looked around the room they were standing it. It was an examination room, but different from the one they’d just been in.
“Take a seat on the table and get comfortable.” She turned from him and donned a pair of latex gloves. She turned back to him with a bottle of what looked like blue lubricant to him and a handheld device. “This will allow us to hear the fetal heartbeat, it’s called a Doppler. Lift your shirt so I can apply the gel. I’ve got to warn you, it’s cold.”
As if in a dream, no a nightmare, Dean found himself lifting his shirt. And damn, the shit was cold. Couldn’t they spring for something that was warm to the touch? He felt the device being pressed to his abdomen and waited. Suddenly the room was filled with a whooshing sound. It was fast and loud and almost too much to hear.
“That is the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Would you like to see what your baby looks like?”
He couldn’t speak. His heart was in his throat at the sound of the beating heart of his child. He nodded and waited as the doctor withdrew the device and placed it on the counter. She pulled over a rather bulky machine that looked like a monitor on wheels and turned it on. Her hand flew over the keys before she turned back to him.
“This is an ultrasound machine. We’ll be able to see your baby. I’m going to take some measurements and I’ll be able to tell how far along you are.” She picked up the wand and brought it to his abdomen. She looked back at the screen, moving the wand around until she seemed to find what she was looking for. “This is your uterus. It’s small right now as it’s forming and growing along with your baby. It’s rather common in male carriers. This is the embryonic sack that surrounds your baby. And this, is your baby.” She pointed to what looked like a blob in a blob.
Dean raised himself up on his elbows to look at the screen. He had to squint at first to see what she was pointing to. It looked like just a small blob to him. And then, the blob moved. He gasped as the blob moved, not able to take his eyes off of the tiny movements. He heard the doctor chattering to him.
“This is the head, here is the umbilical cord and this right here, this little thing that’s fluttering is the baby’s heart. Pretty amazing.” She smiled at him and then turned to do whatever it was she needed to do.
Dean stopped focusing on what she was saying. Instead, he focused on the fluttering of the blob. No baby, his mind responded. His and Sam’s baby. He bit back the smile and tried to get himself to listen to the doctor.
“I’d say your about three months along, based on the measurements. In about another month, if this little one cooperates, you can find out the sex. Or you can wait and be surprised when he or she is born.”
When the baby was born? He hadn’t thought about that aspect of it. How the hell was he supposed to squeeze a human child out of his body? Was it supposed to be like in the Alien movies? The thing just erupts out of his abdomen? Yeah, because that was not happening. Ever!
Dean chewed on his bottom lip, trying to work up the courage to ask that all important question rocketing around in his mind. “Hey, how the hell am I supposed to give birth? It’s not like I’m actually built like a woman, despite this,” he said as he waved a hand over his stomach. “I mean, what happens, do you just cut me open or something?”
The doctor smiled at him; it was a sweet smile, but it as if she was saying, ‘you’re an idiot for not know your own body or how this all works’. “Well, as you go into labor, your body will form what’s called a birthing hole for the baby to emerge from.” He cringed at hearing that; it didn’t sound all that fantastic to him. “It’s going to be painful, I won’t lie about that.” Of course it would be, why wouldn’t it be painful, his mind supplied as an unspoken response to her words. “Once the baby is born, the birthing hole will close. It will be as if it had never been there. It’s just that easy. The miracle of life.” She gave him another sweet smile. Somehow, he didn’t think any of what she’d just told him sounded like it was going to be easy for him, or that miraculous. He was pretty sure that giving birth was gonna suck and hurt like a son of a bitch.
He watched as the doctor turned back to the ultrasound machine and her fingers clicked over a couple of the keys.
“Would you like copies of your ultrasound?”
Dean snapped his attention back to the doctor. “You can do that? Give me copies?”
“Of course. This way you can show your partner. A lot of parents put them in the child’s baby book as the first picture.”
“Yes, I want copies,” he breathed out.
He watched the screen until it finally went black, the image of his baby disappearing from it. He was oblivious as the doctor cleaned his stomach and helped him sit up. She was mumbling something about follow up appointments, prenatal care and vitamins. Ok, she probably wasn’t mumbling, he just wasn’t really listening to her at the moment; he was to lost in the fact that he had a life growing inside of him; one that didn’t have to do with some supernatural cause.
“Here are you copies and some handouts about what to avoid while pregnant.”
Dean accepted everything she offered, only really caring about the sonograms. Was it possible to be in shock and excited at the same time? Because he was, all that and more. He couldn’t wait to show Sam. They were having a baby. He searched for his phone, pulled it out of his coat pocket and sent a text to his brother.
Dean: Stopped at the clinic. Meet me at the diner by the motel.
Sam: Sure thing, u ok?
Dean: I’ll explain when I get there but yeah, I am.