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Connor was the first one to start singing, he couldn’t help it he loved the song. Connor knew he wasn’t a bad singer if he tried, Evan however, seemed to refuse to except quite how amazing his voice was. Connor knew if he played the right songs and sang loud enough Evan would join in soon enough. So, he did, every time they would drive to the old orchard Connor would play a song from his “Evan” playlist and shout the words along with the tune.
"You say…
The price of my loves not a price that you’re willing to pay,"
Connor glanced sideways to Evan, a grin split his face as he noticed how the boy was singing quietly to himself. Connor couldn’t quite hear him yet over the volume of the music, but he could see his mouth moving with the words.
"You cry…
In your tea which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by,"
Connor could hear Evan’s voice now, although it was still quiet. They both chuckled and continued to sing.
"Why so sad?
Remember we made an arrangement when you went away,
Now you’re making me mad,
Remember despite our estrangement, I’m your man,"
By now Evan’s voice was loud enough to be heard clearly over the music. Connor lowered the sound of his voice to allow himself to hear Evan.
"You’ll be back, soon you’ll see,
You’ll remember you belong to me,
You’ll be back, time will tell
You’ll remember that I served you well,"
Connor glanced at Evan to see the smaller boy had his eyes closed, singing along happily and loudly. Connor lowered his voice even further allowing Evan to take the lead. As expected, Evan belted the next line, showing his voice’s true capability.
"Oceans rise, empires fall
We have seen each other through it all
And when push comes to shove
I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love,"
Connor smiled widely and raised his voice again to meet Evan’s for the next part. Evan would complain if he saw Connor driving while on his phone, but Connor didn’t care, he had to film this to prove that Evan had a beautiful voice. Evan was so absorbed by singing that he didn’t notice the phone filming him.
As the song ended Connor leaned forward to turn the radio off. Evan looked up at him when the music suddenly stopped. “Why do you never sing in front of other people?” Connor said looking directly at the other boy once they’d stopped outside the orchard. “I…uh, I’m not that good…”
“Bullshit.”
Evan turned red and stuttered, trying to find something to say in response. He climbed out of the car and walked toward the hole in the fence. He still felt a little guilty every time they went to the orchard. The place was abandoned but they were still technically breaking and entering. Connor quickly followed him into the orchard, they both walked down the well-worn path through the trees. “Don’t you worry, I’m very sure people will enjoy it,” Connor mumbled under his breath, Evan shot him a confused look but didn’t question it. They continued to walk up to the tall tree on top of the hill. It was one of the best places to watch a sunset.
----------------------A WEEK LATER---------------------
“Connor! What did you do that for?!”
Connor couldn’t help but laugh at the smaller boys red face as he speed-walked down the hall towards him. “What? I didn’t do anything!” Connor said, sarcastically raising his hands in surrender. “I only sent that video to Zoe, who probably sent it to Alana, who probably put it on the internet…”
“Connor!” Evan shouted throwing his arms up in exasperation. He scowled at Connor when the taller boy only laughed at him, the glare lost its heat quickly as he looked at Connor grinning at him.
As if sent by god himself to ruin every ‘moment’ Connor and Evan could ever have, Jared came strolling around the corner, heading directly for Evan. “You’ve been holding out on us Hansen!” Evan seemed to shrink in on himself, Connor put his arm protectively on the shorter boy’s shoulder. “You never told anyone you could sing like that,”
“uh… was it good?”
“uh, yeah it was ‘good’ Evan”
Evan blushed a deeper shade of red than Connor thought was physically possible.
“It better be good, Alana put your name down for the talent show in…” Jared checked his watch, “2 hours.” he sauntered off down the hall. Evan let out a noise that was likely intended to be a word, but the sound that left his throat as more of a strangled squeak. Connor quickly dragged him around a corner when he saw his breathing becoming ragged, “You good? You know you don’t have to do it,” He said quietly, allowing Evan to cling to him. He wrapped his arm around the smaller boy rubbing his hand gently over his shoulders. Evan looked up at him after a short moment and took a deep breath, “I will.” Connor’s eyes widened with shock, “Well… I want to. Ill hate myself for this in an hour’s time but… Do you think I’ll be good?”
“I know you’ll be amazing”
“Then ok, you need to make me do this.”
----2 HOURS, A PANIC ATTACK, AND A LOT OF PACING LATER---
Evan was going to be the third act. The first was waiting by the curtain to start when the presenter announced them. Evan was still pacing backstage Connor was sat on the chair watching him worry. Both boys were silent, Connor could think of nothing to say to calm the other boy who was chewing nervously on his nails. Zoe burst into the small backstage area followed closely by Alana. “Oh my god I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” Zoe almost shouted making Evan jump before grabbing him in a tight hug. If that video is anything to go by, you’re going to smash it.”
“did you put that on the internet like I told you not to?” Connor said to Zoe with a stern but still teasing tone.
“No, I only sent it to Jared and Alana,” they all turned to look at Alana,
“what I didn’t put it on YouTube or anything, you can check!”
“Which one of you is Evan?” one of the backstage people asked, Evan cautiously raised a shaking hand, “Right, you’re up next, get ready and then get your ass up to the curtain within 2 minutes.” The stagehand left quickly after giving them the blunt message. Evan’s breathing stopped completely for nearly 30 seconds before Connor enveloped him in a tight hug. Alana and Zoe each gave him a quick squeeze before disappearing to find their seats in the audience. Connor walked with him to the side of the stage, they stood and watched the second act, holding on to each other’s hands like a lifeline. As the act took their last bow and the presenter returned to the stage Connor gave Evan one final hug and then left to find his seat in the second row. Evan gave him a final look with wide eyes filled with fear and a small glint of stubbornness hidden behind the anxiety.
“… Evan Hansen!”
Evan heard his name over the speakers and looked up to see the presenter gesturing to him as he left the stage.
Evan walked slowly, making sure with every step that he didn’t trip. Before he could help himself, he was stood in front of the microphone.
Alone.
The lights were bright enough that he couldn’t see the faces of most of the audience. He couldn’t tell if he was sweating because of the heat or the fear running through his veins. Looking out at all of the expectant faces he could see Zoe and Alana in the third row, both grinning supportively. He could see Jared sniggering to himself with his phone pointed at the stage, obviously wanting to capture Evan’s humiliation on film. A sudden urge to prove him wrong rose in Evan, surprising himself with sudden determination.
He took a deep breath and let out a small cough.
He held the microphone stand in his sweaty palms to stop them from shaking so much and closed his eyes. His brow furrowed as he concentrated on remembering the moment, he wrote this song. In his living room, late at night, the day him and Connor had first kissed. His mother was at work and his mind wouldn’t be quiet enough to allow him to sleep. He remembered his fingers pressing the keys of his mother’s old piano gently.
He took another slow breath.
He gave a small nod to the pianist to the side of the stage for him to start playing
Evan let the music fill his mind, the notes he strung together into a melody he knew so well.
"You always said that I’d come back to you again
‘Cause everybody needs a friend, it’s true
Someone to quiet the voices in my head
Make ‘em sing to me instead, it’s you"
He opened his eyes and looked up to quickly scan the audience. Jared’s jaw had dropped although his phone was still held steady, Alana and Zoe both looked close to tears, and Connor was now sat in the second row beaming with pride and staring directly into Evan’s eyes. Evan was able to send him a small smile back before closing his eyes and continuing to sing.
"Hate to say that I love you
Hate to say that I need you
Hate to say that I want you
But I do"
Evan met Connor’s eyes again, he could almost feel the pride and support flowing from him. Evan took a deep breath and kept his eyes open this time looking directly at Connor and ignoring everybody else in the room.
"Bad habit, I know
But I’m needing you right now
Can you help me out?
Can I lean on you?
Been one of those days
Sun don’t wanna come out
Can you help me out?
Can I lean on you?"
Evan smiled at Connor whose eyes were filling with emotion.
"You make me feel like I’m floatin’ off the ground
Above this little town, you do
Look at me smile with tears in my eyes
I love the way you lie, I do
Hate to say that I’m lonely
Hate to say that I miss you
Hate to say that it’s dark in here
But it’s true, oh
Bad habit, I know
But I’m needing you right now
Can you help me out?
Can I lean on you?
Been one of those days
Sun don’t wanna come out
Can you help me out?
Can I lean on you?
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Can I lean on you?
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Can I lean on you?
Hate to say that I’m lonely
Hate to say that I miss you
Hate to say that it’s dark in here
But it’s true, oh
Bad habit, I know
But I’m needin’ you right now
Can you help me out?
Can I lean on you?
Can I lean on you?
You
Can I lean on you?
Hate to say that I love you
Hate to say that I need you
Hate to say that I want you
But I do"
At some point Evan had closed his eyes again. He opened them again when heard the applause. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the sea of people clapping and cheering. Connor was the first to stand, although he would deny it for the rest of his life, Evan could clearly see the tears in his eyes and the few that had spilled over. Evan could barely breathe when he watched each member of the audience stand and continue clapping.
The presenter returned to the stage clapping along with everyone else. Evan took his cue and almost ran from the stage. It was a matter of seconds before he was pounced on by a very proud and undeniably tearful Connor Murphy. Connor held him in a tight hug and Evan could no longer stop himself from crying into his shirt. “I told you you’d smash it,” Connor said matter-of-factly once they had separated from each other. Evan couldn’t seem to think of any words so he settled for pulling Connor into another embrace. Soon enough Zoe and Alana appeared giggling to congratulate Evan and gush over his voice. Not long after the girls had entered the room Jared had walked in. He looked shocked and also oddly proud in spite of himself. “Congrats, dude, I won’t lie, I was expecting that to go horribly wrong. I was definitely not expecting that!”
“Uh… thanks…I was also expecting that to go wrong…” Evan answered timidly,
“You expect everything to go wrong, Evan. Face it, you are a very talented man.” Connor said turning Evan to face him “Looketh at my face…” Evan laughed in response, looking at the ground, causing Connor to place his hands on Evan’s cheeks and force him to look the taller boy in the eyes. “Looketh. You are the most amazing human being, and I will never stop telling you that until the day I die.” Connor said sternly, Evan’s face turned an impressive shade of red before Connor let go of his cheeks and kissed him on the forehead pulling him into another bone crushing hug.
As per usual Jared was graciously present to ruin the moment by quietly saying “dude that’s pretty gay.”
The small room erupted into laughter which was followed by a comfortable quiet. Alana and Zoe were talking happily to each other, Jared and Connor were beginning to have a heated debate about something, and Evan sat and watched them smiling to himself. He had achieved so much and come so far since that day in the forest. He had a reason to hold on now.
Soon enough the stagehand came back into the room to call Evan to the stage for the announcement of the winner. Connor gave Evan a bright smile and guided him to the stage. Connor stayed by the edge of the stage hidden by the dark behind the curtain. He gave Evan a thumbs up, making the shorter boy chuckle from his place in the line-up of acts.
The next few minutes were a complete blur. Evan could only remember the presenter calling out his name, the crowd roaring in agreement, and Connor sprinting onto the stage and basically leaping into his arms.
Soon enough they were outside. Evan’s polo shirt was doing little to shield him from the breeze as people congratulated him. Connor noticed the smaller boy shivering in the cold night air, he took the trophy from Evan’s hands and placed his own hoodie over his shoulders. Connor held the trophy up to the light of the streetlamp as they walked towards Evan’s house. “When we get a place, I know exactly where to put this,” Evan looked up at Connor’s face with a bright smile, “It’ll go on the mantel piece, right in between the maths trophy I won in first grade and the empty space we’ll keep clear for your GRAMMY.” Both boys laughed as they turned onto Evan’s street.
Their phones both dinged in unison. When they checked it, they saw a message from Jared; it was a link to a video of Evan, now on YouTube.
Connor laughed as Evan’s face was covered with a deep blush, clearly visible under the street light.
“Damnit Jared.”