Chapter Text
The Greek philosopher Aristophanes was the first person to ever take note of the unique markings each human was born with and preach about their significance.
Aristophanes stated that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. He continued that there were three genders: man, woman and the "Androgynous". Each with two sets of genitalia with the Androgynous having both male and female genitalia. The men were children of the Sun, the women were children of the Earth and the Androgynous were children of the Moon, which was born of the Sun and Earth. It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods. The gods were then faced with the prospect of destroying the humans with lightning as they had done with the Titans but then they would lose the tributes given to the gods by humans. Zeus developed a creative solution by splitting humans in half as punishment for humanity's pride and doubling the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods.
These split humans were in utter misery to the point where they would not eat and would perish, so Apollo had sewn them up and reconstituted their bodies with the navel being the only remnant harkening back to their original form. Each human would then only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for his/her other half; the other half of his/her soul.
Apollo took further pity on the humans when he saw their lives was still empty and filled with longing after their other half’s. So he did something else while sewing them up. He created patterns in their skin with his blazing needle, that was created of pure fire from the Suns surface. These patterns would match with only their other half’s, making it easier for the humans to rejoin again.
It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that.
Of course at the time, Aristophanes was considered a mad old bastard and was laughed at for his musings.
Now?
Now people worshiped his philosophies like they were the truest words ever spoken.
And of course we know now that most of his story had roots in the beliefs the people had at his time and was a butt-load of crap, but it doesn’t seem to matter to most people. They still worship him and his words as the most important thing to ever happen in human history, beside the making of the wheel and the discovery of fire.
The truth about the Soul-Marks?
Well, according to the thousands and thousands of scientists that have wasted their time researching them and the unique connection humans with matching markings have, it is pretty clear.
Soulmates are real.
How or why they came to be, they have let philosophers muse about, but the cold hard facts is that Soulmates is something very real and very powerful.
Equal for all Soulmates is the Markings, or easier known as the Mark. It is a pattern of unique black dots and stripes that all humans is born with. The place of the pattern, or Soul-Mark as people calls it, varies from pair to pair. Usually it is somewhere visible like the hands, feet, neck or face, but there has been reports of people having their Marks on thighs, stomachs or even on private parts that makes the Bonding difficult, but very funny to watch. The two people in a Soulmate pair is born within minutes of each other and when they are both born, their Marks will appear like a brand, burning into their skin.
When the Soulmates meet, there is an instant blazing heat radiating from their Marks, similar to the one that created the Marks after their birth. Some say it is the power of Apollo, the fire of the Sun that burns through as the Bond is made. The scientists say it is the energy of the soul that reaches out through the Marks, forcing the two people to touch so the Bond can be made. It’s different depending on how strong the connection is going to be, how strongly the desire to connect is when the Soulmates meet, but it all ends with a single result. The two people connects on a level that no one can reach or understand if they haven’t experienced it themselves and the Marks change color. Then they live happily ever after.
There are three ‘categories’ of Soulmates, that is first revealed to people when they meet their Soulmate and makes the Bond.
The first one is called Eearna. It is the most common and powerless of Soulmates and the name comes from Aristophanes philosophies. It refers to the Earth-born humans. Their Marks take on the colors of the Earth, browns, greens and greys. These people all have common character traits. They are easy going, acceptant, loving and feels connected to nature. It’s not a surprise that the Eearna people usually ends up in jobs that handles human, animal or nature care, like doctors, nurses, teachers and so on.
The second one is called Suna. It’s the more rare one that refers to the Sun-born humans. The Suna Soulmates have stronger Bonds and usually ends up as lovers, which Eearna Soulmates don’t necessarily does. It is not uncommon for Eearna Soulmates to be found in families, sisters, brothers or just friends of the same gender. Suna Soulmates nearly always becomes lovers. Their Markings take on the colors of fire. Reds, oranges and yellows. These people all burn with the desire to protect and provide. They are character strong and loud for the most of the time, they know what they want and how they want it and they are usually not scared of fighting for it. These are the people that ends up in jobs involving the army, the police force and the firefighter departments or as scholars and lawyers.
The third and most unique rare one, the strongest of the Soulmate Bonds, is called Lunang. It refers to the Androgynous Aristophanes talked about, the people born of the Moon.
These Soulmates are so rare, there have only been a few sightings throughout the last 100’s of years. It is said that their connection runs deeper than just the usual Soulmate bond. That they can connect on more than just a physical and emotional level. There has never been complete studies of the Lunangs, but scientist believe that is very possible for the Lunang Soulmates to have a mental connection as well.
Common for all the reported cases of Lunang Soulmates is that the individuals were very creative and innovative. It is believed that people like Einstein, Charles Darwin, Da Vinci and Picasso was Lunang Soulmates, but whether they found their matching halves or not is unknown. It is believed that the unique shining silver color the Marks take holds some sort of special power only Lunang Soulmates can access.
It is also believed that the reason for the lack of paired Lunang Soulmates is that they rarely finds their other half, and that is because Lunang Soulmates isn’t necessarily born at the same time, the same day or even the same year. They break all the rules of society, all the rules of the Soulmate Bonds. That makes them truly desired…
But also greatly feared.
Dean Winchester is sick and tired of hearing all this crap about Soulmates all the time. He is tired of seeing random people walk down a street and catch a glimpse of their Soulmate across the street and start panting in pain as their Marks begin to burn. He is tired of seeing people throw themselves at complete strangers to make the Bond and watch them look happy about it.
He is tired of watching match-up shows on T.V., tired of hearing crap songs about Soulmates on the radio, he is tired of the posters, the E-mails, the letters, the commercials, the lectures, the fucking everything in this entire universe that all tries to make him search (and pay other people to help him search) for that “special” other half he should desire so much. It makes him want to puke in disgust.
Dean doesn’t want anything to do with it or that other person. Not now, not ever.
He hasn’t always been that way.
When he was a kid, he was proud of the big vibrant black Mark in the shape of a handprint on his shoulder that sometimes changed color briefly if it was hit with the right light. He was just as excited as the other kids in his class to go on the special ‘Soulmate finding trips’ that the schools organizes every year. It’s a giant convention where the kids from all over the world, born the same year, meets for a week of playing and searching. It rotates every year, making it possible for the children to meet and hopefully find their Soulmate.
It was all fun and games, until Dean turned 17 and still hadn’t found his Soulmate and was the only one from his school that could still go to the convention.
It is needless to say, that that was the first year he stayed home to be with his friends instead. It was the point of no return, the point where he started to give up.
He have tried several times since then of course. Tried the special dating sites and events that some people creates. But when he turned 25 and still hadn’t found his Soulmate, he let it go and focused on other things. He just simple couldn’t keep hoping for something that clearly wasn’t going to happen.
The death of his mom was the last push he needed to give it up. She was murdered by a man named Azazel when he was 25 because she looked like Azazel’s dead Soulmate and he couldn’t stand her walking around when he couldn’t have her. So he shot her in cold blood.
What it did to Dean’s dad was the thing that scared him of the Soulmate search forever. John went crazy after Mary was killed and he hunted Azazel down and broke his neck with his bare hands. It was done in grief but that didn’t change the laws and John went to prison willingly, even after the judge put him on death-row.
John and Mary had been Suna Soulmates. John had worked in the army in special forces and Mary had been a well-acknowledged professor at Stanford College.
Their tragic story is why Dean has given up finding his Soulmate. He just can’t handle the possibility of him going insane like his dad if he ever lost his Soulmate.
Their story is also why Dean’s brother Sam decided to go to Stanford to become a lawyer so he could save their dad’s life.
Sammy is the most important thing in Dean’s life and the sole reason for him to keep fighting through the pain and loneliness that comes with missing a part of your soul.
Sam is brilliant. He so goddamn smart he makes Dean look like an idiot by just standing next to him and Dean has no trouble believing that Sam will succeed in dragging their dad out of death-row. He is so confident that his little brother will pull through that it is what makes him get up every morning and grab the bull by the horns.
It’s no different this morning.
Dean wakes up at 6 AM to his radio scratching loudly. He has fucked up the connection of the radio on purpose, just so he doesn’t have to listen to the god-awful songs about the eternal love of Soulmates.
He pulls himself out from under the blankets after having stared at the ceiling for ten minutes, just trying to handle the emptiness inside him that spreads every morning when sleep loosens its hold over his mind. He grabs a quick shower and avoids looking at the black wave-like stripes and dots on his shoulder before he dresses in his favorite jeans, a black t-shirt and red flannel shirt. He brushes his teeth and shaves, because why the hell not? Today feels less shitty than the day before had.
He walks into his small kitchen and starts up the coffee machine to get his daily fix cooking. While it runs through he cooks bacon and eggs on a frying pan. He sings along as the beat of Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” spreads through the room, making Dean’s heart feel lighter.
A couple of bagels with cream-cheese that would make his brother so proud gets packed in his bag along with the bacon and eggs in tinfoil so the heat is preserved. A pot of fresh black coffee and two paper cups and Dean is ready to go.
He grabs his keys from the hook beside the door and shrugs on his jacket. Then he’s out the door still humming the tunes of Bon Jovi.
He gives the shiny black surface of the ’67 Chevy Impala that waits for him loyally a pad before he jumps in and places the bag and pot of coffee on the seat next to him.
The drive to the prison is a familiar one and it’s over before he even gets a change to look at his surroundings. The guards knows him by first name now, so when the night watcher Benny sees him pull into the parking lot, he is already there to let him in with a smile when Dean enters the visitors building.
They talk a little when Victor, the other night watcher that usually works with Benny, scans Dean’s bag and Benny pads him down to make sure there are no hidden weapons on him. It’s pure protocol and something they just have to do, even when they know Dean isn’t trying to smuggle anything in.
They give him an A+ and lets him in. When he arrives at the visitors area, his dad is already waiting for him at the table in the middle, cuffed by hands and legs to the metal legs embedded in the concrete floor.
“Hey Dad” Dean greets him with a smile. John sends a forced one back, but Dean knows it’s not because he isn’t happy to see Dean. It’s because Dean looks so much like his mom that Dad has trouble looking past it sometimes in the beginning of their meetings.
“Hey son” Dad says softly, “What did you bring me this time?” Dean begins to unpack their breakfast like he does every Thursday. Dean soaks up the almost childlike surprise and happiness that lights up Dad’s eyes when the bacon is revealed.
“Bacon, eggs, coffee and some bagel-things Sam insisted I bring you instead of and I quote ‘that shitty white bread and grease filled potatoes that will clot your arties before you turn 40 that you always bring him’” Dean says with a laugh. Dad sniffs the bagel and makes a face but he laughs softly anyway.
“Sammy’s doing okay?” he asks Dean when they start eating. Dean slurps down his coffee like it was made of pure gold and nods.
“Yeah he’s okay, but he’s busy at school so he couldn’t come today” he answers.
“That’s okay. School is more important that lil’ old me” Dad says. It sounds sad and Dean wants to say something to soothe his Dad’s pain but he knows his dad is just like him. He doesn’t want to talk about feelings if he can avoid it and Dean respects that fully.
“He got an A in some lawyer class last week” Dean says instead. Dad smiles brightly and proudly and Dean joins him. Sam is the biggest pride of both of them. The smiles only grow bigger when they start devouring the bacon.
“Oh man, this is Heaven” Dad mumbles with his mouth full. His eyes is closed and he looks like he tastes pure unhidden joy. “I’ll tell you a secrete” he continues, “The cooks in this place are shit. They shouldn’t even be allowed to be near a kitchen.”
“I bet” Dean tells him.
“Without a doubt, you are the sole reason I’m still alive” his dad says. Dean gets uncomfortable and feels blood rise in his cheeks.
“Come on Dad, don’t say shit like that” he mutters into his coffee. It’s unlike his dad to be this caring and sharing. He has never been a bad dad and has always been there to support and cuddle both him and Sam, but he don’t usually say deep stuff like that.
“I’m not kidding” Dad says matter-as-factly.
“I know” Dean says and catches Dad’s eyes. He seem happier than last time and it gives Dean hope. Maybe there is a life after the death of a Soulmate after all. Maybe there is a chance his dad will get over it eventually.
“Enough with the chick stuff” Dad says when he too feels it’s becoming a bit uncomfortable, “Tell me how life is out in fresh air.”
“Ah, it’s the same as always” Dean says, “People running around like chickens with their heads cut off, governments arguing, children screaming. You are not missing out on much.”
“And how about you? Has there been any light-filled discovering’s?” Dad asks and Dean doesn’t miss the way his eyes linger on his left shoulder for a couple of seconds.
“You know I ain’t looking for any light-discovering’s” Dean rejects.
“Aw come on son, just because you haven’t found the right one yet, doesn’t mean there isn’t a girl out there waiting for you to sweep her of her feet” Dad says.
“I don’t care anymore” Dean lies, “I have other things to do that run around looking for something that clearly ain’t coming.”
“But…”
“Dad! I don’t wanna talk about it” Dean interrupts him. Dad backs down immediately and Dean loves that about him. He understands how Dean works and doesn’t push after he has said stop, like Sam does.
“Well, then let’s move on to something else” Dad says and digs something out from his breast-pocket. He places something in Dean’s right hand and sits back. When Dean looks down his heart almost stops and he gets tears in his eyes.
“Dad…” he whispers and looks up, “I can’t take this.” It’s his mom’ss wedding ring. It’s a small silver band with the unique stripes and dots of her and Dad’s Markings carved into it.
“You can and you will” Dad says, “I know it isn’t much, but I think you should have it. It’s about time I start letting go.” Dean blinks and looks down at the ring again. The single tear that runs over his cheek isn’t commented by either him or Dad.
“You are 27 now” Dad says softly, “And I hate seeing you incomplete. I know Mary would too, but I know where you’re coming from. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to keep going every day, knowing that your Soulmate is out there but never finding her. I can’t begin to imagine.” Dean sniffs but doesn’t say anything. He don’t think that he actually can with how closed up his throat feels.
“What I’m trying to say, is that it’s okay to stop looking, but never close your heart up. Your mom wouldn’t want that” Dad says, “I guess the ring is just a reminder that even with the pain that can follow, the Bond is worth it.”
“You think so?” Dean asks silently and looks up. Dad’s eyes are misty too but he is smiling.
“Yeah, I do. I’m not gonna lie, losing Mary was… It was the single worst moment in my life but everything we had, everything we were before that. It is worth the pain. You two boys is worth that.” Dean’s eyes flickers to the Mark on Dad’s right forearm half-hidden by his clothes. It has turned a cold deadly ghost grey after Mom died and he knows Dad can feel it burn in despair every single moment, but Dean believes him.
“Thanks” he says. He slides the ring on his right hands ring finger and feels the cool metal dip into a slot there, as if it was made for him. Dean stands up and gives two shits about the rules before he walks over and hugs his dad tightly. The guards in the room doesn’t even react to it and even if Dad is a little surprised about the sudden hug, it still feels safer and more whole than he has felt in a long time.
“Happy Birthday kid” Dad whispers in his ear. When they part Dean sits down on his side of the table again.
“Wow, we’re turning into women” Dad barks when he dries his eyes. A laugher explodes out of Dean.
“You started it!” he tells him. Dad shrugs and fills his mouth with now cold eggs.
It’s the best birthday Dean has ever had and it has only just begun.
After the usual Thursday breakfast with his dad, Dean drives to The Trickster, a coffee-shop slash bakery owned by one Gabriel Novak where Dean works dayshifts.
It’s just like all other days. Gabriel and Dean bitch and teases each other while they work, Gabriel in the kitchen baking and doing other kinds of foody stuff and Dean at the counter servicing customers. He earns quite a lot of tips today, more than usual and he doesn’t know if it’s because people can sense the joy in his heart over his dad’s present or if it has something to do with the ‘It’s my Birthday Bitches!’ badge that Gabriel forces him to wear. Charlie, the girl who helps in the shop says it’s because of his big sparkly green eyes and handsome face, but Gabriel snorts and says it’s clearly the badge.
Dean doesn’t care. All he cares about is the extra three hundred dollars tucked away in his wallet at the end of his shift and the cherry pie with marzipan and a single unlit candle that Gabriel shoves into his hands just before he leaves. He’s so happy that he doesn’t even punch Gabriel in his stupid face when he slaps Dean’s ass on the way out of the door. No matter how wonderful Gabriel’s Soulmate Kali is, he is and always will be a player, but it doesn’t scare Dean anymore. The lack of punches being delivered might have something to do with the precious cherry pie in his hands too, but nobody has to know about that.
He cooks steaks and potatoes when he gets home and manages to just hide the Busty Asian Beauties under the couch before Sam comes through the door like he owns the place with his girlfriend and Soulmate Jessica just behind him.
They eat and have a great time. Sam gets a little misty eyes too when he sees Dad’s gift. Dean doesn’t even feel bad with watching how both Sam and Jess shines brighter every time they look at each other throughout the night. If Dean thinks he sees their bright red Marks on their collarbones glimmer a bit and feels a rush of loneliness wash over him, he doesn’t mention it. Sam and Jess have a strong connection and everybody that meets them know it. Dean is just happy his brother’s soul is complete.
Just before they say goodnight, Sam insists on taking Dean out for drinks the next day so they can celebrate for real. Something feels off because Sam is insisting more than he usually would and when he says Jess is coming with, Dean knows they have something up their sleeve. But he agrees and tells them he will meet them there at 8 PM. He usually works Fridays and weekends at Bobby’s Garage but he’s sure Bobby will give him the time off so he can celebrate with his brother.
Dean goes through his night routine when he is alone again. Cleaning a bit, brushing his teeth, putting the rest of the cherry pie in the fridge, shutting off the lights and finding clothes for the next day before he dives under the blankets again.
He stares at the ceiling for a awhile unable to sleep. It’s this time of day that is the hardest to get through. His soul’s cravings peaks when night falls and he has time to think. It opens up a bleeding wound in his chest that aches to much it’s hard to breathe.
Dean thinks about what his dad said. It’s okay to not look but he should never close his heart of. Problem is, he doesn’t wanna keep his heart open. It will just hurt more and more with time.
He spins the ring on his finger and thinks of his mom. He knows she must have been so worried for him throughout his childhood and teen years. Dad and Mom found each other when they were 13. Sam found Jess in kindergarten at the library of all places. They were all so young and so lucky. So why isn’t Dean lucky too?
Maybe he doesn’t deserve to find his Soulmate. Most people save themselves for their Soulmate, but Dean has always been a ladies man, sleeping with those free spirited girls that didn’t believe in the old saving yourself crap. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t found the right one yet. Maybe she would be disappointed in him, be disgusted to find out just how slutty he had been or how poor and withered his soul is now.
He feels drained and empty inside, stretched too far and hollow. It’s hard to find things that matters anymore. Even the colors around him has started to fade and become meaningless. He knows people can see it in his eyes. How dead they are. People know he is unbound by just one look. They pity him and he hates it. He hates all of it.
But he can’t help but long for it. The connection everybody praises so much. He pretends to don’t care but the truth is that he does. He hates feeling incomplete but he just can’t deal with the hope anymore. It hurts worse each time he is disappointed and have to return to his apartment alone.
A hand has snuck up to the slightly raised Mark on his shoulder. He traces it mindlessly with the tips of his fingers and feels the ache in the flesh. It’s starting to fade and hurt like an infected wound. Dean knows that un-Bonded humans, people that doesn’t find their Soulmate early in life has a real huge chance of going insane. It all starts with the fading of the Mark. Then comes the pain. The enormous loneliness and then the changes inside his head. Scientist have documented hundreds of un-Bonded cases. Each and every one of them ended up in the hospital and later in the psych ward on suicide watch.
They all ended their own life before they turned 35.
“Where are you?” Dean whispers to the darkness in the bedroom, feeling despair twist around his heart.
When no one answers he jerks his hand away from the skin of his shoulder and turns over on the other side.
It doesn’t matter. He will prove the statistics wrong. He will make it through.
He has to.
It’s all Anna’s fault really.
The whole dating site thing is not something Castiel Milton approves off, but when his sister had marched into his room at the Hobs Riva Mental Facility excited out of her mind about this new site, called BlessingAngels.com of all things, that had just been launched, which lent the technology of pattern recognition to the public, she was determined to sign him up right that second. Apparently the website promised a 80% chance of finding your Soulmate if you signed up. She had even taken her computer with her and everything.
Castiel didn’t care about his missing Soulmate anymore. He was 35 years old and had been forced into suicide watch when he turned 30 just because the statistics said he was a high risk candidate of suicide because of his missing Soul-Bond.
Yes, the constant ache in the Mark on his right hand, the burning emptiness in his chest and his souls screams for its other half was sometimes beyond difficult to deal with, but he didn’t have the desire to kill himself. Not yet anyway.
Even the memories of how he had lived the first 8 years of his life without a Mark at all, and all people thinking he was a freak because of it, didn’t push him further to the edge he should already be balancing on. It was the same thing about the memory of the day he received the Mark and the pain it had come with. It didn’t push him towards the edge. It helped him stay off it because he knew that his Soulmate was out there.
It didn’t matter much for Anna. She hated seeing her brother locked up and wanted to save him more than anything. Since he had been admitted she had searched restlessly for his Soulmate with several pictures of his Mark as her only guide. She was angry at their parents for withholding the chance to find his Soulmate from him early in life, just as they had done her.
Neither of them had been to public schools. They had been homeschooled by their Christian parents until they were ready to attend college and they had refused them to go to the annual Soulmate conventions that other kids attended each year in hope of finding their Soulmates.
Anna had been lucky. She had met Balthazar the first day at college and they had Bonded immediately, discovering who they were and who they could be. They were Suna Soulmates, unlike their parents that had only been Eearna Soulmates. Castiel though that the shimmering red-orange color of Anna’s and Balthazar’s Marks around their eyes fitted well with her blazing red hair and both their sparkling personalities. Balthazar had been a British exchange student, but had quickly decided to move to USA so he could be with Anna. Balthazar didn’t have any family in England, they were all dead, but Anna still had Castiel, even when they had both split from their parents ways.
Castiel was so very happy for her and he had found a great friend in Balthazar. Even their little 4 year old son Samandriel had a special place in Castiel’s heart and he felt no trouble giving them his blessings and best wishes for the future, even when he had no sign of ever being able to have the same.
So that is why Castiel is contend in living his life behind tall walls, with prying eyes latched onto his body, cataloging and following his every move.
He has accepted that his Soulmate simple isn’t able to be found. He desires it greatly of course and dreams of finding that one special person someday many times throughout the week, but doesn’t let it stop him from pursuing what he truly wants in life.
And what he wants is to write. He wants to become an published author.
It is his greatest talent and his most deepest wish, next to finding his Soulmate.
He has written many stories through the years but no one has been published yet. The publishers don’t want to publish works from an un-Bonded author because they know that the talent Castiel has isn’t fully evolved yet. They know it will be better once he is Bonded and he knows it too. He can see the flaws in his work but no matter what he does, he can’t fill the blanks that are missing. It’s like there is something holding him back, that is shielding a part of his brain from him so he can’t use his talent properly.
He hates it because he has so many stories in his mind all the time that is just begging to be written, but he can’t get himself to write another story just to see it lie in the pile of other stories, collecting dust without ever seeing the light of the day.
So when Anna calls him one Wednesday evening and all he hears in the phone is screaming, he knows she has found it. His Soulmate.
True enough, when he can finally understand what she is saying, she tells him the dating site paid off and she found a match that was nearly 79%. It meant that there was a very good chance of this person finally being Castiel’s Soulmate but there was also a noticeable risk of it being just another disappointment.
She had made plans for him to meet this mysterious person the coming Friday and she was not going to take no for an answer.
She even made the arrangements with the Mental Facility so he could be allowed to travel all the way to California where this person lives. It’s not normal for patients on suicide watch to be allowed outside without a trained watcher, but Castiel is a honor patient that has never caused trouble in the five years he has lived in the facility, so they are not so reluctant to let him leave when it is with the possibility of him coming back Bonded.
The plane ride was filled with nerves and Castiel nearly threw up twice on the flight. Anna hadn’t moved from his side from the second she had come to get him at the facility and even Balthazar had joined them saying he was not going to miss out on watching Castiel finally make the Bond, even if it meant Samandriel being watched by Missouri Moseley, the same lady that watched over Castiel and Anna when they were children. Castiel thinks he might have been forced a little by Anna too, because he is a police officer. It would have made it easier for Anna to convince the watchers at the facility to let him go, if they knew there was a trained officer tagging along.
The nausea and nervousness he fells are even worse now where he is standing outside the bar where his supposed Soulmate should be waiting inside.
“Anna” Castiel calls when he feels his stomach turn again, “I don’t think I can go through with this.” He walks away a few steps, closely followed by Balthazar.
“What?” Anna exclaims as she looks up from her phone, “Oh no no no don’t you dare walk away now when we are so close!” She marches right over to him and grips his shoulders. “I know it properly feels like you are being torn apart inside, but Cas, you are so close. Don’t give up now. It’s only a few more minutes and this is all over.”
“But what if it’s not the right one?” Castiel asks her, “What if it is just another disappointment? I can’t go on like this. I need to find peace and if that means living out my life at that facility un-Bonded then I prefer it to this.” The Mark on his hand is tingling but Castiel is sure that it is just his nerves making it do so, his mind projecting his hope and desires into fake responses from his body.
“I’m sure this is the right one!” Anna says, “I have talked to his brother several times and traded many photos and we are both convinced this is right.” Castiel looks up and finds her bright blue eyes.
“He?” he asks, “It’s a man?” Anna breaks out in a smile and laughs a little.
“Bloody hell, you didn’t tell him?” Balthazar frowns, “Are you deliberately trying to kill him with nerves or what?” Anna shrugs.
“I thought that the less he knew, the less disappointment he would feel if I really was wrong” she mumbles. Castiel agrees. He haven’t been able to form any ideas of this person and that will help him forget it again when this proves to be yet another mistake. Without dreams, he can’t miss something he never had.
The phone in Anna’s hand bibs loudly and she looks down immediately. “He’s coming out” she says, “It’s time.” She pulls Castiel over to the door again just as a huge man walks out of it.
Castiel feels disappointment instantly. This man is too young to be his Soulmate and there is nothing when their eyes meet. No feeling of burning light, no inner pull that compels him to move closer, nothing at all. He just sees long brown hair and amber brown eyes in a masculine face.
“Hey” the man says and looks at Anna, “You must be Anna.” They shake hands and Castiel pulls himself backwards.
“Yeah. This is Balthazar, my Soulmate” she introduces, “And my brother Castiel.” Anna drags him back instantly and forces him to greet the stranger.
“Hi, I’m Sam” the man says with a smile.
“Castiel” Castiel mumbles back. He just wants to go home.
Sam is pretending he can’t see Castiel’s disappointment. “Dean’s inside, but we better hurry. He’s getting a little ticked off by the pushing. I don’t think Jess can hold him much longer.” Wait, what? Sam isn't the man Castiel came to see?
“Then go!” Anna says and pushes Castiel into the arms of Sam. He feels awkward and confused and wishes he could just melt into the ground right this second.
He feels the pull before he is even over the threshold.
It begins as an intense buzzing in the skin of his hand, right where the Mark is. Then there is a tug at his heart and his body just reacts by itself. He rips himself from Sam’s arms and walks past him, straight to the back of the room. His brain isn’t even functioning, he can’t think or react or feel or hear anything else that the burning in his soul. He just knows that he is this close to finally being complete, so close to finally getting everything he has ever desired, so close to finally being free.
He knows who he is looking for the second he sees them.
Insanely green eyes that feels like home.
This Friday is quickly becoming the worst day ever.
Dean only just made it to work before a couple of college kids accidently knocked into each other, looked up and BAM.
Instant Bonding right in front of Dean like Fate Herself was fucking taunting him. It was a nerdy little Asian guy called Kevin that Dean knew that met an Asian girl, a little chubby but good looking. Their Marked hands instantly fitted together and then they kissed (with tongue) right in front of everyone without even saying a word to each other. Their Marks changed color to an Eearna brown.
It pissed Dean off, but everyone else had started clapping and cheering.
To make it worse, Charlie had decided to take her Soulmate Gilda with her to work today so he had to watch them make goo-goo eyes at each other like they were insane all fucking day. It didn't help much when Kali showed up too and Gabriel pulled her back to his office for some "private discussion time". Yeah right, they were fucking like bunnies, that's what they were doing.
The same fucking thing had happened at the Garage. Adam, a kid who works there to earn some pocket money for parties or whatever kids used their money on now a days, was working on an engine with Dean when a blond beauty drove in with her car. Adam looked at her and BAM. Green sparks from the Marks on their wrists and they were gone. Instant Eearna Soulmate Bond.
They hadn't been able to let go of each other so Bobby had to send Adam home and Dean had to fix the cars all by himself all afternoon.
So he is so fucking done when Sam starts talking about this new bullshit webpage he had found that uses some sort of fancy technology to match pictures of Marks online to find peoples Soulmates.
“Cut it out Sam!” he hisses when Sam had ignored the last five times he had said no.
“But Dean!” Sam protests.
“No! I said fucking no!” Dean shouts at him. It makes people turn heads at them, but Dean doesn’t care. “I have told you again and again that I don’t want to find my fucking Soulmate, okay? I don’t care anymore! It’s just another load of bullshit and false hope and I’m done with it, capische? My Soulmate doesn’t wanna be found and I don’t wanna find her, so just give it a rest!”
Sam and Jess shares a look at his words and he narrows his eyes at them. “What?” he barks. Sam sighs.
“You know what? I’m going to go to the restroom and cool off” he says and stands. Jess follows him with her eyes as Dean does but she drags his attention back to her when Sam disappears in the crowd.
“He only wants what’s best for you Dean” she says. Dean breathes deeply and rubs his face. His head is pounding and his Mark is on fire today like it can feel how fucking screwed he is. Like it’s laughing at him, taunting him for watching two couples find each other today, when he can’t find his Soulmate.
“Yeah I know but I wish he would just cut it out. I’m fine.” It sounds like a lie to him and he knows Jess hears it too.
“I know the statistics okay?” he continues deflated, all fight drained out of him, “I know where this is leading me, but I just can’t. I can’t keep hoping and getting disappointed. It affects me more and more every time. Even my art is shit these days.” That seems to tick Jess off and she snatches the black notebook he always carries with him before he can stop her.
When she goes through the pages, Dean sees the horror in her face.
Dean has been drawing since he was a kid. It’s his passion and the only thing besides fixing cars and cleaning tables he is good at. His pictures used to be filled with light and happiness and love, art that inspired the people around him, even when it lacked the final touch he just couldn’t access because of the lacking Soulmate.
Now the pictures are dark and evil, filled with pain and longing and blood and screams. It has been that way since his mom died. It is the only way he can get his pain out so he doesn’t explode.
“You think this is going to convince him that you can get through life without your Soulmate?” she asks him angrily when she looks up. There’s tears in her eyes and Dean hates them, hates the pity he reads from them.
Dean rips his book from her hands and stands up, boiling with rage again. “You have absolutely no right to make assumptions about me” he spits, “How dare you mess with something or have opinions about something that you can’t possibly understand?” Jess looks terrified of him and Dean just knows his eyes is burning with the promise of blood if she doesn't back the fuck up right now. His entire body is vibrating, twisting and shouting to him, his skin is on fire and he isn’t acting like himself. He knows this. He would never speak to Jessica like this if he were in his right mind, he would never dare raise his voice at her, he loves her and Sam too much to do that, but right now he is so far gone, so done that nothing can stop him from spitting his venomous words directly in her face and into every face turned towards them that are listing.
“You don’t know how it feels!” he continues, “You don’t know what it’s like to feel yourself slowly wither away and die, how it feels to have your insides screaming every second of every day for something, that ain’t coming! You guys are so fucking lucky you found each other that early! You never had to feel the longing, the loneliness or the emptiness of an uncompleted Bond after 27 years of hope and disappointment!”
He knows he has everybody’s attention, every face in the bar, every ear of the people around them tuned into his voice. And he don’t fucking care anymore.
“I had to watch two couples find each other today! TWO! Right in front of my eyes! Do you know how much that hurt?” he asks her, and properly everyone else too, “So what if I want to draw about the demons that I see everywhere I look? So what if I need to pour the pain onto paper just so I don’t put a bullet through my brain? It’s how I stayed alive for this fucking long and don’t you dare think that is a sign of weakness, because it’s just the fucking opposite! So fuck you, and fuck Sam and fuck society and Fate and everything else! Nobody is going to tell me how to live my life, just because there is some dots on my skin that won’t change color!”
Dean’s blood is pumping to hard in his ears he can’t even hear Jess yell his name when he turns to walk away. He so angry, so done, so utterly finished with this bullshit.
He has every intention to walk straight to the door, get in his car and just start driving when he turns.
It all goes up in flames when the first thing he sees is two unnatural blue eyes staring right at him.
Then it all just collapses. Every ounce of strength he has left in his body bleeds away. There is only the eyes that are looking straight into his, only the feeling of his soul howling in agony, longing to touch the stranger he can’t even see properly.
They move as one. Three steps and then there is strong warm arms catching his like clamps, holding him grounded. He don’t know what he is doing, his body has overtaken command of his limbs. He just feels the strangers right hand slide up over his naked skin, up under the sleeve of his T-shirt until a palm is fitted perfectly over the Mark pulsing red hot fire on his skin.
Light explodes from them.
Castiel isn’t in control. His hands grabs the arms of the man in front of him and his right one is sliding upwards by itself. He doesn’t know what it is searching for, until it finds it. The slightly raised surface of a Mark identical to his. He fits his palm over it, making their Marks line up perfectly.
He isn’t prepared for the intense light that raises from their skin or the feeling of a thousand ice cold knifes slicing through his hand, down his arm and out through his body.
He thinks there might be someone screaming, but he can’t hear it properly. There is only the green eyes, the man in front of him, the light and the feeling of finally being complete that roars through him.
When the light dies down, everything dies with it. Every sound, every movement, every breath from the people surrounding them. They all stare at Castiel and his Soulmate, but they only have eyes for each other. The peace he feels is so overwhelming he think he might break down and cry.
He knows what just happened. Everybody knows it. He knows what color his Mark will have taken when he pulls his hand from the man’s shoulder.
Luminous sparkling silver, like the surface of a full moon. They are children of the Moon. They are Lunang Soulmates, the rarest of kinds, the first known successfully Bonded pair in over a 100 years.
Everybody around them knows it, by just baring witness to the binding light that had erupted from them. His Soulmate knows this too. They have just entered a dangerous path in their lives, so dangerous that their lives might never be the same as before or normal again. Castiel knows that everything will be different, it will be a constant fight from now on, a fight to be left alone, to get to live a life not pursued by the greed and jealousy of other people.
But he is so ready to face the storm that is brewing, so ready to stand by this man’s side and fight for what is rightfully theirs.
What he isn’t ready for, is the man’s reaction. He isn’t ready to have him flinch back like lightning just struck him with a look in his eyes that spell utter and complete betrayal and destruction. He isn’t ready to see the look of disgust and hatred burn in the eyes that should have only held love and happiness.
“Get the hell away from me, you freak!” the man hisses before he storms past Castiel, heading for the door, leaving Castiel standing confused, hurt and truly alone, once again.