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Sure she could have reacted better but Nell fucking knew better. She knew what touch did to her but she still grabbed her wrist and injected sorrow and grief into her. She still forced her hand on the place he died. A chill that she hasn’t felt since she was a child ripples through her, penetrating down to her bones. The last time she was this cold was the night her mother killed herself. It’s almost like she’s back at the house for a fraction of a second. So yeah, she reacted poorly but Nell should have never put her a situation that she would have to in the first place. She walks away without looking back.
***
She can’t help but to feel like a hypocrite as she hears the third ring. She just told Shirley to create boundaries and she’s calling the very person she just said she wouldn’t due to boundaries. “Theo?” Her sister’s voice crackles.
She takes a deep breath before proceeding. “Hey Nell. How are you?”
There’s silence so long that she almost hangs up, assuming Nell is long gone. “Is Luke ok?” She puts her phone back to her ear.
“Yes. Steve called his rehab center today and he’s 90 days clean, well 91 days now since it’s after midnight. Are you ok Nell?”
“I’m ok. Thank you Theo. I love you.” Nell all but whispers.
“I love you too kid, but are you sure you’re ok?”
The line goes dead.
***
She sits straight up, unable to breathe, terror and pain rush though her body for a moment. She shrugs it off as a nightmare that’s already passed and lays back down to stare at the ceiling. Something feels wrong. She can’t pinpoint it. She considers seeing if Shirley felt it too or if she’s just being weird but quickly vetoes the idea. She looks at the number on her bedside table and vetoes that before it can even become a thought.
***
She feels a slew of emotions when she gets home the next night. She feels glad that she helped catch an abusive foster parent but at the same time she feels like she took the poor girl out of the frying pan and threw her into the pot. She feels angry that she was put in this position and rage that this kid will be more fucked up than before. She hopes the girl can forget or at the very least get the help she’ll need from her next family. Mostly she just feels like the world decided to kick the shit out of her. She sits cross-legged on her bed while reading other children’s files. Her eyes are beginning to droop from exhaustion taking over when someone knocks on her door. She opens it to see her sister in pjs with a wobbly lip, shaky legs, and tear stained cheeks.
“Theo. It’s Nell.”