Chapter Text
You paced up and down, careful to remain quiet and not wake the others. The fireplace was still crackling, the inviting warmth was almost unbearable but you knew the moment you sat down you would be back up again, unable to sit still for more than a moment.
You walked over to the cliff edge and admired the view, you knew somewhere out there, there would be vast orc packs and wargs, but not even that knowledge could spoil the view for you. The mountain tops stood to attention against the royal blue sky, the pine trees in the distance swayed a little in the breeze and the moon was full, beaming down on all it’s children.
Despite the adventure and the impending danger, you felt safer than you had done in years, safe from others and more importantly safe from yourself. The urge to do stupid things had died somewhat, away from technology, the hustle and bustle of the modern world, away from social media, the judgements of others… Life was far simpler here in many ways and the pressure you had once felt seemed to disappear completely.
You felt at home in amongst a group of dwarves all of whom had no home, a group of homeless misfits, and yet the welcome they had shown you, the care they had taken with looking after you, meant the world to you.
You loved nothing more than sampling Bombur’s cooking, listening to Bofur sing, watching them play pranks on another, Dwalin brooding, Balin telling tales, Bifur carving animals from wood. The company of Thorin Oakensheild felt like a family to you and despite not being a born inhabitant of middle earth, you had never felt like you belonged quite as much as you did here.
You pulled your blanket around you tighter as the night air was chilly and unforgiving. Thorin was still awake, smoking a pipe and staring out into the distance, he didn’t appear phased by the sound of orcs, just listened intently.
You sat down along the same ledge as him but further away so not to disturb him. After a few minutes you realised Thorin was staring at you, “Are you alright?”
You nodded, “Fine thanks, just difficult to sleep and a little cold.”
Thorin stood up and disappeared for a moment, when he returned he handed you another blanket, “Here, to help with the cold.”
You took the blanket gracefully and smiled, “Thank you Thorin.”
He returned the smile, “Mind if I sit for a moment?”
You shook your head, “No, not at all.”
Thorin sat next to you and held out his pipe, you smoked occasionally back home but had never smoked a pipe before but decided you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to try something new.
“Thanks, again.”
You took a puff from it and coughed a few times, the plant they were smoking was rather different to the tobacco at home, not unpleasant but took some getting used to.
Thorin laughed, “With practice you will find it rather smooth.”
You passed the pipe back to him, “So how are you finding this all?”
You shrugged, “It’s so different to my previous life and yet despite knowing that danger has the potential to be lurking around every corner, despite knowing the gravity of this quest and all the things that could go wrong, somehow I feel safer here than I ever did at home.”
Thorin almost looked surprised at this, “Really?” He was inquisitive as he spoke.
You nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, I mean, there weren’t the same dangers that there are here, there wasn’t the potential to be killed quite as often and you weren’t involved in fights like you are here but there were other dangers. Mental dangers…”
You pause for a moment unsure of how to continue, a lot of what you could say would likely confuse him, if you were to talk about social media, the internet, Brexit or Uber eats you knew it would just loose him.
“People…” you started again, trying to pick your words carefully, “People were not as forgiving, people would judge you, really judge you on everything. They’d pick apart your life, there were always such high expectations of everyone, life moved so fast and you could never earn enough money to live comfortably and feel safe whilst also seeing friends and enjoying life. People would work themselves into the ground, we have polluted the planet.”
Thorin wrinkled his brows.
“Our planet is dying Thorin,” that was the best way you could put it, “Everyone is dying and it isn’t of old age or disease or valiantly in battle… People are working themselves into the ground to feed their families, only it’s never enough, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Greed and hatred, begets greed and hatred and so it goes on and on. Most monarchies.”
Thorin started to repeat the last word, you gave a little laugh and explained, “Royalty… They’re abolished now which in a way is good, no offence, but people at least are given the chance to vote for who they believe is best to lead their country. Only the choices are pretty shit you know, better the devil you know.”
“The devil?”
“Yes Thorin, the devil, he’s this… evil guy, maybe made up, the most evil.”
“Like Sauron?”
You nodded, “Yes, just like Sauron…although… you know, God paints the devil as evil but maybe the devil isn’t as bad as Sauron, Sauron sounds evil for evil’s sake, he wants power and control, he wants destruction and revels in pain. But the devil, I think he gets a bad wrap you know? I think he just wants freedom for humanity, an ability to make our own choices, our own mistakes and not feel guilty about it all the time.”
“This world of yours sounds complicated.”
You couldn’t help but laugh thinking of all the different drinks you could order at Starbucks, wedding seating plans, Travel visas, “You’re right Thorin, it is, it’s terribly complicated and full up and loud, and we’re killing our planet. Our world is dying and us along with it, it’s wretched you know and I feel sorry for us but also glad. I feel there is an end in sight where there will be no more suffering, just silence.”
You took a deep breath and felt tears well in your eyes, there was an old temptation that came flooding back to you, a desire to hurt to feel pain so you felt alive. You wiped the tears from your eyes and stared at Thorin, trying to focus on his handsome face, his kind brown eyes.
Thorin reached out and put a hand on your shoulder, “You are always welcome to stay here you know, you have more than proven yourself over the past week.”
You reached up to Thorin’s hand and placed yours on top of his, “Thank you, and you know what? After this chat I feel much more able to go and sleep peacefully now.”
Thorin stood up and reached out for your hand, he helped pull you to your feet and then guided you over to the safety of the back of the cliff near the fireplace. You had taken to laying with Fili and Kili, they always made you feel safe and comforted you if you woke up from a nightmare.
Your bed was next to Fili’s and Thorin watched you lay down before covering you with the extra blanket.
He bent down and stroked your hair before kissing your forehead, “Do not let these troubles of old disturb your dreams, may you sleep peacefully and dream only of hope, you are safe my friend, we will protect you and make sure you come to no harm.”
He smiled at you as you snuggled down under the blankets.
You yawned and replied, “Goodnight Thorin.”
The following day you were in much better spirits and were helping Bifur, Bofur and Dori to gather herbs and ingredients for Bombur’s stew when you spotted a rabbit. Bofur went to shoot it but you stopped him, “Please don’t.”
Bofur looked across at you confused, “But it’s nice and fat, would do well for a stew.”
You felt wretched, “I know, it’s just, I had a pet rabbit once and that one looks so much like him, please spare him, I wont stop you again.”
You couldn’t explain what it was but in an instance you felt such a strong connection to this particular rabbit, the way it’s ears were signalling and the way it’s nose twitched you knew you had to save it.
Bofur sighed but agreed, “Okay lass just for you.”
You smiled up at him, “Thank you Bofur, you are very kind.” You stroked his cheek and he blushed, turning his head into your palm a little.
All the dwarves made you feel safe, but there was something about Bofur which always made you smile, you often thought it was the hat that did it, he was charming, cheeky, funny and kind.
You pulled him into a tight embrace, despite being taller than all the dwarves, the hugs always felt just right, even when it meant their heads were buried in your bosom. Bofur found himself in this predicament and seemed to flush even deeper crimson when he looked up at you, you just laughed in response and straightened his hat.
“Miss y/n look at this!” Dori called out to you, interrupting the hug.
The two of you walked over to where Dori and Bifur were stood, they were looking at some beautiful golden flowers, in the shape of bells. Dori picked a few and held them gleefully up to his face, then turned to you.
“Do you know what these are?”
You shook your head, you had no idea, they didn’t look like any flowers back home, “No idea, we don’t really have many golden flowers back where I’m from.”
“These are Mallos, here take some,” he handed you the few he had picked.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Aye but they’re more than that, these are medicinal, they work for months after picking them, thought best fresh. They clean and help heal wounds, do wonders they do. Men on battle fields would often carry some in their horses satchels, you never know when you might need these. Better to be prepared I say!”
She nodded, “Be prepared, that was the guides and scouts motto!”
“The guides and scouts,” Dori repeated, seeming intrigued.
“Oh Dori it was right up your street, you’d have absolutely loved it.” You laughed as you clasped your hands together.
Dori seemed pleased by this and continued to gather the Mallos.
You returned to camp with other rabbits, Mallos, several kinds of berries, some wild garlic and stinging nettles as well as some mint.”
“Well, well, y/n seems you are quite the good luck charm,” said Kili as you entered that night’s camp.
Fili took a puff of his pipe and nodded in agreement, “Quite, look how much you’ve bought back from just one trip foraging.”
“Funny, they never thought of me as a good luck charm back where I’m from.”
You don’t know why you used the word, ‘funny’ it was something that had bought you no end of grieve. You walked over to Fili and Kili who moved apart, allowing you to sit in between them. They both put their arms round you and rested their heads on your shoulder.
You smiled fondly at Kili and then Fili.
“Well, where you’re from, they clearly didn’t know a good thing did they?” Kili said.
“Or a great woman,” Fili added.
You put your arms round both of them, “Thank you.”
You were thankful for their comment, whilst you knew Thorin approved of you and so the others seemed to appear to also… There was a part of you, a leftover relic from your old life that taught you to be wary of others, that told you you would always be judged for everything you did. There was the part of your anxiety that clung onto you like a baby sloth to it’s mother, reluctant to let go even when of age. It wasn’t that you lacked trust in your new friends for you felt if they did not like you or wished you to leave the party they would have said so by now. They could have left you with the elves in Rivendell or taken you to a town with humans in, but they had decided to keep you on and for that you would always be grateful, if not a little confused.