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What's He Got that I Ain't Got?
Or the real reason Gadreel defected
“How in Hell does he do it?” Metatron grumbled to himself, ready to smash the mirror he was posing in front of. The brown trench coat hung on him like a sack, there was no look of sexy or powerful just a dumpy little man in a frumpy little coat. Gadreel just glanced over and wished he hadn't.
“What's Castiel got, that I don't?”
Gadreel paused, counted to 100 and when it appeared that the question wasn't rhetorical, he answered. “Sex hair, bedroom eyes and a swimmers body.”
“Is that all?” His boss snarked.
“Well, if the lesser Winchester gospels are to be believed, a smite-able relationship with Dean Winchester” Gadreel smirked, “but a very HOT smite-able relationship with the Righteous Man .”
“Oh that's just the fan crap of those wretched 'Supernatural' books,” the would be god tried his hand at bitch face #5. “It's wishful thinking at its worst.”
“Not all of it,”Gadreel argued gently, not wanting to truly piss off the boss. “There has been enough that has been 'Kripked' and not “Jossed.”
To which they both immediately genuflected, “blessed be the name of the of Kripke and of the Joss and of the holy Roddenberry.. Amen.”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you could be right”. Metatron said slowly, rolling the idea about like a snow ball in a heavy wet pack. “Everyone loves a soap opera. Look at that whole Dr Sexy thing.”
“I prefer not to sir.”
“A little angst, some drama, a bit of skin, a shit load of purple prose for a hard on and tons of smooching.”. Metatron smiled and rubbed his hands together. “Find me Becky Rosen, I've got to do me some dictation., can't make this look too Mary Sue.”
“Who?”
“Oh the webmistress of 'More then Brothers', though she has been shipping a bit more Desdiel of late.”
Gadreel didn't know whether to be impressed or appalled at his boss's knowledge of such things. “Why do you want me to find her Sir?”
Metatron gave his best version of doe eyes, “because you, my naughty angel, you and I are going to become lovers. What's more epic then the 'fallen angel' and the God who forgives him....all night long?”
“But Sir,” Gad reel said desperately. “I'm straight.” As the thought of locking lips with a man who reminded him very much of 'Booger' from 'Revenge of the Nerds' was scaring him more then the years of torture and deporvation in Heavens jail did not.
“No you're not.”
“I am now.”
Metatron slipped off the trench, gave the hench-angel a come hither look, “go get that Rosen girl bring her back here and get unstraight. That's an order..”
“Yes Sir,” Gadreel turned walked slowly out of Metatrons' office, then when he was out of sight of the rest of the Host, ran like Hell for the Winchesters Bunker.