Chapter Text
I remember that day we were just lying in my bed after we had sex. You were staring at the ceiling as you were splayed naked on my black sheets. You had a glazed look on you, a gentle smile playing on your lips as you mouthed the lyrics to Jhene Aiko humming from the speakers. You absolutely detested contemporary American r&b but this became an exception when you knew she was part Japanese. You also hated druggies, even the ones who only stuck to weed but you wanted me anyway. And you were super high on my last bowl right at that moment. I chuckled at the sight of you…you and your beautiful contradictions.
You lift an eyebrow at me. "What are you laughing at?"
You sounded petulant but I just smiled wide and said,
"You look lovely. I love you like this babe, when you let go of everything."
You purred contentedly in the crook of my neck, putting your arms around me.
"It's what you do to me. You set me free."
I pressed my lips on your forehead before saying, "You know you can always count on me if you need an escape. But right now—"
I paused as I reached over to the bedside table for my favorite thing in the world, second to the girl in my arms.
Click. Click. Click.
"—you need to be still. Or better yet, just be natural," I grinned behind the viewfinder as I adjusted the aperture to the light spilling into my room. I knew I should have changed the sheets to white. I wanted that dramatic contrast of your hair upon white cloth, but my black sheets would have to do.
You tut in protest and put a hand over the camera. "No baby, I'm naked. My father would flip—"
"Who said anyone else could see these? They'll be part of my private collection. Ballerina in the nude. Girl at 4 in the afternoon. Desire in the flesh," I rambled as I stood up from the bed, clicking away. "Shizuru, post-coitus."
You threw a pillow at me for the last remark but I could see you were suppressing a grin. At that moment I knew you were intrigued at my impromptu request for you to model for me. Though we often naturally fell into those little sessions wherever we went, this was the first time I had you naked before my camera.
You put your hand up, signaling for me to pause as you sit up in the bed. I didn't need to be told. You didn't bother pulling the sheet up with you and the sight of plump and pink flesh was enough for me to put the camera down.
You put my pipe to your lips and lit up the remnants of the bowl. You close your eyes as you inhaled and I simply stared, mentally kicking myself. I was falling for you that day. I had indirectly confessed to you just earlier. You didn't seem to have noticed it and thank God for that. I'd only known you for two weeks but it already feels like months. Two full weeks of awesome dates and amazing sex. Two weeks with a goddess.
When you were done you raised your chin up at me, a challenging gesture. All I saw was a delicious woman on my bed.
"Confident, huh." I grinned giddily and snapped a shot.
"I will pretend that Natsuki is not here," you said as you ran a hand through your light brown hair. It was a natural gesture all right but I knew you were doing it for the camera. You looked damned good doing it too.
Thereafter you didn't talk. Didn't look at me. I was not there to you at that moment. You owned the room like it was yours to begin with. You pushed the sheet aside and knelt on the bed, your back slightly angled towards me as your fingers reached over to the iPod dock.
I bit my bottom lip as a new song played. It was perfect.
"My pussy tastes like Pepsi-Cola. My eyes are wide like cherry pies…"
I fought to tear my gaze away from the curve of your ass and the dip of your slim waist as you knelt on my bed. I fought harder against the urge to put the camera as well as my pants down and join you.
If you sensed my internal crisis you didn't show it. You just got off the bed and walked past me towards the closet. You strode right in the walk-in, ran your fingertips on the shoulders of my shirts, the lapels of my coats and jackets. At the end of the small room was the floor to ceiling mirror and I watched your reflection pressing a white button up to your chest and angling your head to see if you would look good in it. Hell, you'd look good in a sack cloth. You threw away the hanger and put the shirt on but left it unbuttoned. The hem of the shirt stopped right where your butt and legs connected. As you moved, I positioned myself so that I'd capture you posing in the mirror without my own reflection in it.
You stepped out of the closet with my shirt on. After fishing out your panties from the bed and deliberately bending over to wear them (you chuckled as you heard my camera clicking furiously at this), you sat on the rug near the glass doors that led out to the deck. They threw natural light upon your form; legs extended in front of you bent slightly, pressing your knees together and placing your cheek on them, hands resting on your legs, folding like the petals of a flower after dark. Finally, you looked up at me with those eyes. The crimson irises burned with intensity through the camera. I wanted to take you right there and then but I hadn't wanted to waste that light, that depth and confidence I got from you that day. Besides, we both knew it would be more fun if we held it off just a bit longer.
I was more than satisfied with the shots of you on the rug, so I beckoned you to stand up. I went ahead out to the deck as you remained inside. You knew what I wanted to do. We connected perfectly. Words were superfluous.
The sun's last rays painted everything in orange and I saw that it threw an interesting pattern of silhouettes on the glass. You stood before the glass with your back towards me. This is where I felt myself go hard for you. You let the shirt slide past your shoulders in a sensual display of hair falling on bare shoulders, and you threw me a scorching look through those lashes. Click. The shirt fell completely off your body and fell to the floor, and you parted her lips, raised your arms and moved your hands in a dance-like flow above your head. I was hypnotized and so very aroused. Click. Click. Click.
I slid the door aside and shut it behind me before I pulled you to me. I gently dropped my camera to a corner and immediately my hands slipped to your breasts. I pressed eagerly into your back. You hum as my hands gave a light squeeze.
"You got what you wanted, love?" You ask in a breathy moan. You knew I was more than pleased with what you gave me.
There was a rumble in my chest as I could say nothing in response. I was overwhelmed. I don't think I ever wanted anyone so much in my entire life. The heat gathered in my belly as I grinded my hips against your bottom, earning myself another moan. I ran my lips along your neck until I reached your ear where you were particularly sensitive. Goosebumps grew on the heated flesh beneath my wandering hands and I turned you around to face me so I could latch on to your erect nipples.
"You were amazing, god you were perfect," I murmured between swirls of my tongue.
You held my head to your chest as your jaw dropped in pleasure. You were the one speechless this time. Your nails scraped down my back as I rose up to meet your lips and we kissed insatiable with hunger. I was ready to do anything you asked me to, I realized as I let myself feel your softness all over me. I knew I was a goner the moment you slightly pulled away and bore your eyes into my own with such intensity and adoration that my knees almost buckled.
"I need to be inside you, Shizuru," I nuzzled my face in your hair and slid my hands from your waist down to your ass. I cupped you there roughly and the movement pulled you up against my body. You gasped at the growing bulge in my jeans.
"Bed, now."
"Yes ma'am," I said obediently and let myself be thrown on my back.
That was one of the best days of my life. No one had ever made me feel so alive like you did. I never felt so natural in my own skin with anyone. My walls came crumbling down one by one that day you cried my name out until it was dark and it was time for you to go home. You decided to stay and didn't go back to your own place for a week. Your eyes twinkled with mirth as you playfully wondered how you'd get around without extra clothes, so you raided my closet again and mixed and matched to your liking. My shirts were loose on you but you made it work as always looking like style pro whenever we went out that week. That week, too, I lost you.
And I don't know what to do to get you back. I'm lost too.
I can't even wear my old shirts anymore.
------
I wasn't exactly avoiding anyone. I was simply at a point in time of my life where I was in need of solitude. Lots and lots of it.
So when I was all but dragged into the club by my friends after over four months of being off the social grid, I was more than nervous. I was terrified. Yes I was happy we did brilliantly tonight at the show and of course I wanted to celebrate with my girls, but I was thinking more of a wine and dine kind of night, maybe a table at the Burgundy Room with a few gentleman acquaintances and friendly conversation. Suffice it to state my suggestion was promptly brushed aside when Rosa, the Spanish floozy, declared that drinks were on her and that it was high time that I reclaimed my status as queen bee at the club. I rolled my eyes at the title feeling like I was back in high school. Dratted Rosa.
Mai, unfortunately, wasn't on my side that night. She'd usually protect me and shoo the other girls away after rehearsals when they wanted to relax (or meet guys) at the bar. She knew I was going through a rough patch that required either nights of sake drunk ramblings between best friends only or hours at the studio breaking my back practicing to obsessive perfection. Tonight she only tugged at my arm…as if the other girls weren't already pulling at my other limbs.
"You need to get out more Shizuru. Meet new people!"
"You mean have sex with other people," I deadpanned. The girls giggled and high-fived each other.
"That's exactly what she means," said Rosa.
"I'm not surprised you'd say that. No, I'm just afraid I might bump into someone you've already screwed Ros."
Rosa didn't even bristle. "Shut up. I know what you're really afraid of. A certain Natsuki-chan?"
The girls groaned.
"Damn it," I snapped. "I can't do this. I'm leaving-."
Jenny intervened, "Oh come on, don't even mention that shit Ros. Hey Shizuru, I have a really cute guy friend who's positively in love with you." she put her arm around my shoulders and led me away.
I was in a stalemate between the deep loneliness I felt from being alone for too long and numbing fear of forming new relationships again. The girls, with their excited chatter about our performance and high energy tonight, only wanted to help me. They all knew what happened to me. And while we might have clawed at and clashed with each other sometimes they were really the most loyal friends a girl could have. They didn't want to leave for the club without me to celebrate. Not when I've been looking terribly out of shape since Natsuki and I were over.
So I went. I let my hair fall from the bun I'd put it in. I unwrapped my feet which ached from the performance. I threw aside my tights and put on a dress, black and backless and wrapped tight around my body. I lipsticked my pale lips, masked the dark circles under my eyes, cried a little in front of the mirror-so many thoughts were plaguing my mind that moment. Thoughts of maybes and why nots and who cares. Maybe Natsuki was in the audience tonight and I just didn't see her-Jenny was introducing me to this guy, why not give it a shot?—and who cares if I felt like a broken record half the time, I was impeccable on stage. It took me an hour to calm myself down before letting the girls pick me up.
My hands shook at the entrance of the club. The kind of jitters I should feel behind the curtains before a performance but never do since I knew every dance by heart. This impending dance though, it was different this time. I could connect with my audience flawlessly on stage. Here it was all wild and free and uncoordinated, the one I loved even more than the ballet. Rosa had been right on one point. I loved going to the club, or at least, I used to.
"Let's do this!" I finally said, already cursing myself. The girls cheered and we went straight to the bar.
If I couldn't manage a successful re-acquaintance with the dance floor tonight, I'll make sure Rosa makes good on her promise to keep the drinks flowing. I don't intend to get completely intoxicated only buzzed enough to really start having fun with the girls.
"You okay?" Mai asked when she handed me a drink.
"Yes," I breathed out. "I just have a bad feeling about coming to this particular place."
"Yeah I was worried about that too. But so what if Natsuki is here? She'd respect your space. She still cares about you a lot."
"Stop talking," I took a big gulp of vodka cran. "You're making it worse."
"Sorry, honey. It's just, you have to face the music soon," Mai said firmly. Gone were her gentle and palliative words that time my break-up was still a fresh wound on my heart. Back then I must have been a pain to deal with. I had odd whims that bordered on self-destructive, made regrettable phone calls, orchestrated obsessive attempts at creating an entire production by myself, often burning out exhausted and bursting into tears at random moments, and she was all there to see me through it. She was right as always. Mai, bright and bubbly and a force on the stage, was a practical talker and I was the whimsical drama queen.
"Oh look here comes Jenny," Mai muttered, setting her glass down and adjusting her dress before waving, "Good luck!"
"Mai, wait-" But the carrot-top was gone before I could have the chance to hide behind her protectiveness. I was all alone tonight.
I can do this. I've done this a million times. Where were my masks when I needed them?
I turned around and saw Jenny coming towards me with a grungy dressed guy in tow.
"Hey, Shizuru. This is my friend Cole, he's a senior at Garderobe. Cole, meet my gorgeous friend Shizuru. He's seen us perform a couple of times with my family, Shiz. He's like, enchanted with you."
Cole laughed with embarrassment. "Jenny! You could have left that out!" Jenny just shrugged with a giggle.
I demurred playfully with a look. "It's nice to meet you, Cole."
"And I'm glad to finally meet you, Shizuru," Cole intoned genuinely like he had been really looking forward to it. He took my hand and kissed it like a courtier before his queen. He was surprisingly smooth even with his rolled up plaid sleeves and ripped jeans. The brush of his stubble lingered on the skin of my hand. I was flattered but maybe prolonged absence of romantic interaction was to blame.
"How is Garderobe? You're graduating?" I asked politely. Jenny surreptitiously made her exit by pretending to order drinks. Damn her.
Cole smiled, fortunately enamored enough with me to even suspect my discomfort
"Yeah, the ceremony is next month and classes are over so we have half of Garderobe here probably."
My heart fluttered but it was not because of Cole's toothpaste smile. Half of Garderobe was here? Well of course, it was practically next to the university belt. It was a fact that needn't have been pointed out because it was the reason for my apprehension at coming here in the first place.
"Yes, mostly seniors like me but even the freshmen love this place."
I didn't realize I'd asked the question out loud. "Oh, I definitely see a lot of artsy types here tonight," I offered.
"Well, I admit we do have a certain stereotype," Cole sheepishly tugged at the dime-sized plugs on his earlobes.
"Do you-"
Before Cole could finish I pulled him to the dance floor. The truth was I didn't want to know all about him. I didn't want to find out what he majored in. I could not care less about what his passions were or what his dreams were after Garderobe. I wish I didn't know he was from that school even. I only wanted him to be a body tonight for me to dance with, another mass of warmth I could hold as I bumped and brushed against him to the pulse of the music that hammered through our heads in the hypnotic club scene.
Throughout our dance I was hoping to God that whoever was watching me that night wouldn't come ruin it for me. I felt like I was being observed but I also felt like I was just being paranoid. This was my first time in months to be back in the scene. I'd even stopped updating my Instagram account knowing I'd only be posting the most depressing updates (and also to avoid the memories there as well). I laughed at myself for being doing the most pointless things. I danced with Cole, thanking the deafening level of music that stopped him from talking. Stop fussing about the tiniest details, Shizuru. Just let it flow. Just let it flow. That was the phrase I used to check myself. They were Natsuki's words. But even though we were over, their significance never changed. Neither have my feelings.
Cole tried to touch me all night but I made sure to maneuver his hands away in the most diplomatic manner. His hands on my bare back only made me shiver in displeasure as if something slimy had touched me.
I went to one of the tables where Jenny, Ros, Mai, and the others greeted me with hoots and cheers. Cole followed closely behind.
"Having fun, Shizuru? You and Cole rocked it out there," Jenny said, immediately sensing another one of my ragged social patterns as I stopped acknowledging the handsome guy behind me. Up close and touchy first, distant and unconcerned the next.
I beamed. "Definitely. I had such a great dance partner," I said and that was enough to calm Jenny's worried expression.
"Oh, well, why don't you-"
I didn't wait for Jenny to finish the sentence.
"I'd love to have a drink. Ros, where's my drink?"
Rosa cackled, "Queen bee, back in town!"
Jenny huffed but didn't make an issue out of it. It was Rosa who tried to stir things up when we were served more alcohol.
"All right, here we go. Shizuru this is yours. Have one too, Cole. And hey, why don't you sit right next to me stud?"
Cole didn't hesitate one bit. I was sitting next to Rosa and now I was sitting next to Cole. I tried not to flinch.
"Yeah, you guys should totally date," Rosa was teasing me now knowing full well I wasn't into it.
"Aw come on you guys, get a bit closer, have a conversation, make each other laugh, it's a party for godssake."
I slipped into a façade of surprise at her remark. "Why of course I intend to do just that, Rosa. It's just that Cole really tired me out. Let's just relax for a bit. What do you think?" I turned to Cole with a wink and a hand on his forearm.
He blushed but tried to play it cool. "Why, y-yes you're right, Shizuru. I do feel like resting for a bit…"
"See?" I beamed at Rosa who grinned back with a roll of her eyes.
"Whatever, Shizuru. You manipulator."
I brushed her off with a giggle. "I don't know what you mean. I need to go to the ladies' room. Mai, do you want to come with me?"
Mai was just at a corner texting on her phone, not really a hundred percent into the scene since she had a boyfriend who would be more than jealous if she danced in the club. Mai nodded and set her drink down, "Sure, let's go."
"If you'll excuse me, Cole, ladies."
I led the way as we walked past the crowd toward the bathrooms. Somewhere in the middle of the mass of bodies I saw a very familiar face walking in the opposite direction. She was keeping a poor job of looking as if she didn't recognize me. Her eyes moved shiftily behind her glasses as she refused to meet mine. Instead of proceeding in her original direction toward me, she changed route and sidled past a group of dancers who were pouring drinks over each other. It might be dark in here but I knew that face anywhere. The crisp white shirt and the short black hair, it was definitely Chie.
"Hey, wasn't that Chie?" Mai asked before we entered the bathroom. Thankfully It wasn't full like I'd expected.
"I'm quite sure it was," I agreed. "It's a little weird, I thought somebody was watching me the whole time I was dancing with Cole. It may have been Chie."
Mai leaned her hip on the counter as I wiped the light sheen of sweat on my brow, the result of all the dancing.
"What's weird is that she didn't say hi. It's like she didn't even recognize you."
"Perhaps she was pretending as if she didn't see me?" I performed a light retouch in front of the mirror before turning to Mai. "I would really rather not know."
Mai had a gleam in her eye. "Let's go find her."
"Did you not hear me, Mai?" I frowned at her. "Who's so whimsical now, hmm?"
"Oh, hush. It's times like these your being whimsical would be helpful, Shizuru. Aren't you just a little bit curious?" Mai insisted with a raise of her brows.
"Yes Mai. Positively dying of it," I sighed. "Can you please not act as if you have no idea why I don't want to find out? I'm certain it's got something to do with Natsuki."
"And that's my point," Mai shrugged. "I know you're still hurt about what happened between you two. But don't you think it's time you two had some closure? I mean come on. It has been four months. I didn't think you'd manage to avoid each other for that long given how you practically acted like you were newlyweds."
I smiled painfully. "Newlyweds that didn't last after the honeymoon."
My eyes welled up out of their own volition and I hated myself immediately. It was Mai's presence that did it. I felt like I didn't need to hide from her. She knew me well enough to know that I didn't welcome hugs when I started crying, so she stayed glued to her spot and threw a sympathetic glance at me while I dabbed at my eyes with a handkerchief.
"For god's sake…" I muttered at my own reflection.
"Like I've told you a thousand times, Shi, it's not your fault," said Mai probably as tired of saying that old line as I was hearing it. "At least not totally," the redhead added further with a jocular nudge at me.
"That's why I don't totally hate you," I countered with wry smile at her frankness. "I was, and still am, selfish. That's why the love of my life hates me."
Mai rolled her eyes. "Stop being so dramatic. She doesn't hate you. She's probably scared of you, you green-eyed monster. Who would have expected you'd get so insecure over her ex? You're like a child who just got ice cream at the park who gets mad at every other kid who gets ice cream."
"Natsuki is not just some public ice cream stand!"
Mai ignored that. "You have your own share of exes and so does Natsuki. That's all I'm saying."
"I'm just a brat, Mai-chan. I can't help it sometimes," I smiled cheekily but inside I was falling apart because of our conversation, wounds long-healed were cut open once more.
When we finally went out of the bathroom and back to our table, Jenny and the others had left it for the dance floor. Cole was nowhere in sight as well. So Mai and I decided to pursue her earlier proposal to look for Chie. Sure enough when we tried searching outside the building, the dark-haired girl was with a group of friends by the entrance looking like they were waiting for their ride. I exchanged a look with Mai when we saw that Chie's phone kept ringing and she kept silencing it.
Despite my refusal to confront her earlier, I found that I was in a favorable enough situation since we were in public and Chie was in the middle of something. I approached first without a moment's hesitation.
"Good evening, Chie," I called out to her as Mai and I neared her spot. As planned the other women hanging off Chie's arms all stared at me and gave me a head to foot inspection.
"Oh! Is that you Shizuru? It's good to see you again." Chie feigned surprise as she debated between shrugging off her girls or running away with them right at that instant. Like a kid getting caught stealing an entire cookie jar.
I smiled a warm smile at her and it was genuine. Chie sensed it and I could see her relief. I almost laughed.
"May I talk to you for a moment? I promise it won't take long," I requested. I addressed the lovely ladies as well, "I promise I'll return her to you girls in one piece."
Chie excused herself with obvious embarrassment. I knew I had gotten her to answer all my questions tonight.
"Hey, you." Mai grinned at Chie as we walked down the block to nowhere in particular. "I saw you alone earlier inside the club. That changed really quickly though when we saw you outside."
"Ah, Mai. Don't even say another word, alright," Chie said while scratching her head, blushing and more at ease with Mai than with me. They had known each other longer because they went to the same high school together. I met Chie when I started seeing Natsuki and that was a little over five months ago. Despite that though I always felt like I could trust Chie with personal matters. It must be because Natsuki trusted her too.
Before I could even start a conversation with her, her phone started ringing. She fished the gadget out of her trouser pocket just enough to take a peek at the caller ID and simply turned off the screen to silence it.
"Sorry about that, Shizuru. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Chie went straight to the matter at hand to draw attention away from the phone, to no avail. It rang a second time.
"Damn." Chie buried a hand in her pocket to press the silence button.
"Maybe you should take that first? It's really quite alright, Chie."
"I'd really rather not, Shizuru. Please excuse me, I'll turn it off so we can really talk."
But as Chie was taking her phone out again, she accidentally pressed the answer key.
"You suck, Chie. Why do you keep ignoring me? Why won't you tell me where you are?"
Mai gasped beside me.
I knew that voice anywhere. That husky lilt sounding on edge with annoyance. My heart stopped. Chie mouthed an apology to me. She cursed under her breath before she pressed the phone to her ear.
"Damn you, Natsuki, You're drunk somewhere and I don't want to pick you up. I'm with a few girlfriends tonight, alright?"
"So? That doesn't mean you can just send all my calls to voicemail. You're lucky I didn't leave any prank ones. Come on, where are you? I'm so fucking lonely in here."
I closed my eyes as I listened to their conversation. My heart beat sped up with each word Natsuki said. God I missed her. I missed her so much. But it hurt hearing her voice again, too. My stupid paranoid brain half expected that she'd tell Chie she was out with a new girlfriend or worse, her ex. I wanted to die on the spot at the thought. I felt a sick kind of satisfaction knowing Natsuki was alone tonight. I felt my cheeks getting flushed with a mixture of fear and excitement. Natsuki, Natsuki… Would you ever take me back? Or have I been such a monster?
"She's alone, Mai," I bit my lip as I clutched at my friend's arm. Hope tinged my own voice and I was surprised to find it there.
"Lonely doesn't really mean she's alone, you know." Mai said frankly. "I don't want you getting your hopes up too high at this point."
Chie clicked her tongue before ending the call. She looked at me straight in the eye full of apology.
"That's why I was avoiding you when I saw you inside the club earlier," she admitted to both me and Mai. "I didn't want to complicate things between the two of you more than they already are, you see,
"I ignored her calls because I didn't want to lie to her where I was. If I told her, she'd only come here. I saw you dancing with that guy, Shizuru and I don't mean to pry on your relationships but I just figured Natsuki wouldn't want to see that. So I tried to bail with those hotties, evade being a witness to anything," she chuckled.
While I truly did admire Chie's efforts at avoiding all sorts of situations that pressured her to lie, I was not blind to the fact that she also knew how to play safe when push came to shove. Omission was only a slightly lesser evil than commission.
Thankfully, Mai was as keen as I was on that fact when she asked, "So where did Natsuki say she was?"
Chie hesitated, looked between the two of us and sighed.
"She's at this gay club. Of all the places that idiot had to go…"
I opened my mouth to speak but promptly changed my mind. A gay club? And she felt lonely? It didn't make sense and I was too busy holding the pieces of my heart together that just broke at those exact words to try and understand what was going on. I admit I had gotten my hopes up higher than they should have been the moment I saw Chie inside the club. In fact every object, person, place or anything that I could connect to her tortured me through daydreams where I would one day see her again and everything would be all right.
The problem was, I already did see her two months ago. No one else knows this, not even Mai. Natsuki even sounded like she did on Chie's phone, telling me she was feeling lonely and I telling her I was drunk. The inevitable happened and we fell into bed together. The sad thing is that that wasn't enough for us to get back together. I was still adrift, a ship without her anchor. I was bound to crash and burn one day.
"Chie," I said in a voice already thick with tears.
"Just tell her I said hello, okay? Thank you. I want to go home now Mai..."
This was exactly why I needed solitude in the first place.
------
When the street lamp right outside the store lit up that summer day, I glanced at the clock. It was almost closing time and my father would be around at any minute. I tidied up the glass surface of the display case while waiting and took my time. Camera lenses gleamed at me through the glass next to my father's rare vintage camera collection and rows of tripods and other camera accessories. One very old fellow came in earlier and tried to sell a very well-made pinhole but I was unsure if father was interested, so I told him he could come back tomorrow for the cash if father accepted, or for his camera back if father did not.
A moment later the door chimes clinked softly and in came my father and the biggest crush I ever had in my life.
The two were chatting as they shuffled inside my father's old store.
"I'm surprised you had your photos processed by us, Natsuki. Got your hands full with projects, eh?"
"I know, I'm surprised too." A low chuckle. "But it's not really work I'm busy with. I... met someone."
Natsuki said the last part as if it was a secret she couldn't bear holding in.
"Aha! So that's why you have a spring on your step. Where's the sulky photographer I first met now?" My father laughed good-naturedly as he stepped behind the counter beside me.
I was staring at Natsuki the whole time but when father came near I promptly looked away. He knew I had a crush on her and I wasn't about to give him something to tease about. There had been quite a few times when he did that and most of the time he did it in Natsuki's presence. I could feel my palms sweat in nervousness at those awful memories of uncontrollable blushing and sputtering.
My father continued to hold conversation as he went in and out of the back room. When he was inside, Natsuki would take out her phone a couple of times. I found myself staring again as I pretended to be busy behind the counter. I took the opportunity to fish out a thick brown envelope from a stack of processed orders. I parted the envelope to rummage through its contents while my eyes flicked upwards to stare at Natsuki. A moment later her phone beeped. She eagerly texted a reply with a small smile on her lips. My crush looked absolutely adorable at that moment. She had this tough, bad ass look in her black leather jacket and dark jeans with her helmet tucked under her arm, yet she was the cutest thing ever as she was obviously giddy at the text she received. It was that combination of hard and soft that I couldn't resist sighing over like a lovesick schoolgirl.
I was even more at awe when I caught a glimpse of the pictures in the envelope.
There were sexy but artful nudes of a honey-haired woman who looked to be a professional model but at the same time she seemed to be Natsuki's main subject. She wasn't simply modeling clothes (or her own skin) or posing in landscapes but she was the pivotal focus of every shot. There were pictures of her behind a glass door, completely naked with only the reflections on the glass covering some parts of her body. Also there were ones with her wearing a button up shirt, on a bed, on a shag rug, on a stool with an electric guitar propped between her legs. It was such a dynamic series of photos that I was momentarily sucked in.
My father poked his head out from the back room right then. I shut the envelope discreetly. He had such great timing, the teasing dork.
"You have what Natsuki needs, my dear?" He said quite normally but a teasing smile threatened to burst from his lips.
I simply nodded with slight blush.
"Well then, I'll go ahead guys. Aoi here will take care of you," father winked and I rolled my eyes. "Nice to see you again, Natsuki."
"You too, sir."
Again I pretended to be busy preparing Natsuki's pictures while she continued to text and her phone continued to beep. I knew it was wrong of me to pry but I was so curious. I had never seen any of her pictures before since her visits were mostly for buying new equipment and not for processing images. Of course, I also had a major crush on her, so I couldn't help myself. Even if I knew the woman in the photos was probably her girlfriend, I still crushed on Natsuki. It was not like I seriously wanted a relationship with her. I was still even wondering whether I was really gay or if Natsuki was just a passing fancy.
One photo especially made me pause. It was a monochrome. The woman was in black lace lingerie and heels walking down a sunlit hallway. Her back was to the camera so her face couldn't be seen but she was pulling the photographer by the hand, their fingers interlocked behind her. The lines of the picture lead the viewer forward to the end of the hallway where there was the silhouette of a chair and a pair of handcuffs dangling from the backrest.
Of course you couldn't see the photographer in the picture except for an arm, but it was clear that it was Natsuki. The hand interlocked with the model's was tattooed. A peek at Natsuki's texting hand confirmed my hunch.
But when my gaze flicked up from her hand to her eyes, my heart almost stopped to find her staring right at me. I was caught.
"Um, your pictures are right here, Natsuki." I fought hard to control a stutter.
"Did you look at them?" She asked directly but it was not an unkind tone.
Still I bowed and blushed profusely. "I apologize. Yes, I did. They were beautiful and so is your girlfriend. I'm so sorry, please forgive me."
Natsuki only gave me a lopsided grin. "Don't be. I'm glad you liked them. Though I did promise my girl that no one else would see those pictures of her. Can you keep a secret then?"
I nodded without thinking which made my crush chuckle.
"All right then. Thank you for that."
I stared at her in relief and partly dazed by her husky but still feminine voice. I quickly snapped out of it and placed the envelope on top of the glass case.
I dropped my gaze, I was still quite embarrassed.
"Here. And I'm really sorry again. Sumimasen."
"Eh, it's alright really," Natsuki assured me with a smile. There was a muted buzzing sound from the glass top. It was her phone. The big letters of the iPhone revealed the caller. Shizuru. From my bowed head it was practically within my view.
"I need to take this," Natsuki said as she hurried to the door with her envelope. "Good bye, Aoi!"
I waved back and watched her exit the shop with a tender greeting on the phone: "Hey babe. I'm on my way there."
I propped my arm up on the counter and rested my cheek on my hand, heaving a deep, love struck sigh. "She's so handsome..."
"What was that I heard, Aoi dear?"
Darn it, dad!
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let me end it for now with a lighter mood than Shizuru's. thanks for reading my crap story. ss22