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“When did you first notice your memory loss? Did you experience any other symptoms during that time?”
“Oh, I don’t know…three or four months ago? I was in a car crash, and I think it was late June when my granddaughter first brought up her concern for me…”
“Possible head trauma, sudden onset of symptoms, otherwise seems sharp and alert, dementia is unlikely but we’ll do some tests to make sure…”
———
“I saw Lucy for her third round of chemo and a senior patient whose drop-in appointment turned into amnesiac advising. It’s been a long day—I think I’ll be heading home soon.”
“Myeon, wait. Lucy’s mom found me in the waiting room. She wanted me to tell you thank you.”
“Oh...thanks for telling me, Chen.”
———
“Ahh, finally. Face, meet pillow. Soft, soft pillow…
It’s dark.”
“Myeonie, you ready for rehearsal?”
“Is he awake?”
“No, he’s died.”
“Let him sleep in a little. He deserves it, after yesterday. He was this close to cracking. Like an egg. In half. With his guts all over the counter. Ow, what was that for?”
“Toes. Fingers. Hands. I can wiggle a little. Where am I?”
“Oh nice going, waking him up like that. Now he’s blinking.”
“No, that was you!”
“Oof. Very bright. Two…faces, staring at me. Is that…Chen?”
“Rehearsal’s starting soon. Manager will forgive you, but he’ll have my ass if I show up late again. Gotta dash.”
“Me too. See you in a few, Myeon.”
“Jesus. This stage is the size of an Olympic stadium. It’s incredible.”
“Junmyeon! You’re late!”
“Sorry!
How do I know all the steps? And the songs? I’ve always wanted to be a performer, but this is crazy. This is amazing. My lungs are expanding—I feel so alive.”
“What’s up Myeon? Feeling better?”
“Yeah, I am actually!”
“There’s that smile! I haven’t seen that in a long time.”
———
“Chen, I had the best dream last night. It felt incredibly real. And you were in it!”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, we were a pop band doing a stage rehearsal. You were a main vocalist, and we could all dance, too. I actually really wanted to audition for a large entertainment agency when I was younger, but I chose med school over my dreams. Haha.”
“Ah, the old med school foil. Um, do you think you could help me with this syringe?”
“Funny how dreams said aloud can become so mundane to others.”
———
“Here’s to more sweet dreams. Cheers, Mr. Teddy.
I’m in a paper gown? Sterile walls. Beeping monitor. Small TV. I’m in a hospital bed. Isn’t this backwards?”
“Breaking news: Singer songwriter Kim Junmyeon of the music group EXO has been found in a flipped vehicle in a ditch outside of Gangnam. He was flown to SNU in critical condition and is now in a comatose state. Millions of fans gather to support him in candlelight vigils held outside local concert venues, where the singer performed his hit songs Blue Summer and Overcome. Police are still investigating the cause of the crash.”
“Shit. What—?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Chen? What’s going on?”
“I should have called you. I should have never let you go home.”
“What are you talking about? What the hell is going on?”
“Wake up, Myeon.”
“I’m right here. Chen? Hello?”
“Please. For me.”
“Chen, this isn’t funny!”
———
“What—where—I’m in my room. Holy fuck. What does it mean when your dreams feel more real than reality?”
———
“Chen, do you believe in alternate universes?”
“No, not really, but I don’t know. I’m a nurse, not a physics nut. Why?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Myeon, is everything okay? You seem off lately.”
“I’m fine, really.”
———
“Myeon, pass me the mic? Myeon?”
“Shit. Everything's melting into black. Since when did I start falling asleep?”
“I can hear you worrying your head off from all the way over here. Snap out of it. Myeon!”
———
“Updated coverage on the investigation: Police suspect suicide.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you were getting better.”
“Chen, I’m right here.”
“I thought—I should have known—”
“God damn it Chen, stop talking about me like I’m dead.”
“God damn it Myeon, I didn’t spend eight years buying you ramen for you to just leave me.”
“But what do I do? Do I go on saving lives, or do I wake up and save my own? Am I really even saving lives, or am I just deluding myself into never waking up and facing reality? What’s even real at this point? I just—what the hell went wrong?”
“Where did I go wrong…?”
“Chen? Chen! I can feel myself cracking. I’m cracking like an egg.”
“Stay strong, Myeonnie. I know you can do it. I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”
“Oh. He kissed me on the forehead. Everything’s black now. I can think. Is this what it’s like to be dead? Nothing but your own thoughts, echoing in emptiness? I think I should feel sad, but I’m too empty to cry. I’d rather just split open and dissolve into the earth. Disappear.”
“Kim Junmyeon, the gifted singer songwriter who inspired millions with his uplifting music, has passed away today at age 27. Kim was an outspoken mental health advocate for the millions of people who struggle with depression. He will be sorely missed.”