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I can't believe what I'm hearing Jim say. After all this time I thought he accepted his Sentinel abilities and now he's telling me that they're gone?
"Yes, they're gone. They've been fading in and out for the past couple of days and this morning they were gone completely. It's really for the best though."
"For the best?! The best of what?" I exclaimed as I sank back in the chair again. If I didn't sit down I would have fell out in the floor. He's looking at me as if this is the most natural conversation in the world. Did that bullet wreck his brain too? "You are a Sentinel, that's who you are. Now you're telling me that you're senses are gone and it's for the best?"
"Yes, for the best. I can't be a Sentinel like this…" Jim stalled. He took a deep breath before he started again. "My whole world is gone. I'm not a cop anymore, I'm not the Sentinel, I'm just Jim Ellison---paralyzed burden to society."
I can't believe he just said that. Did he really think those things or was it just the boredom talking? He had been in this room for a long time, so maybe that was it. "Number one, you are not a burden to anybody. Number two, you're not going to be in that bed for long. And finally, you can't just give up your Sentinel abilities; it's who you are."
"I gave it up. It's better for both of us. I can just be a normal, regular guy and you can be a safe graduate student who doesn't have to worry about following some freak of nature around crime scenes."
"Whoa! Freak of nature? Safe?" Jim rarely made me furious but right now I'm bordering on blowing my top. "What right have you got to make my decisions for me? I am your Guide, so this decision affects me too. I have never complained about where I go with you. If you want to just deny everything you know about yourself and live in some fantasy world where you're "normal" then go right ahead." I can feel my face getting red with anger but I didn't care. Where did he get off trying to be a fatherly figure to me? I have just as much at stake in this relationship as he does. I am the Guide after all.
"Look, you called me your "Blessed Protector" and I fulfilled that role when I saved you from that bullet, but that's where it ends. You owe me nothing. You need a life that's got nothing to do with Sentinels, Guides, police work, or life and death circumstances. I'll be lucky if I even walk again and you're talking to me about becoming Superman. It's not going to happen, it's over!"
I can't take it anymore, I have to get out of here before I say something I regret. Without a word I escape, not even turning around when Jim calls out my name or the comment that we'd "always be friends." Stalking through the hospital corridors I tried to keep my fury in until I could get outside. The main entrance looked very inviting and I was almost at full trot when I went through. Finding my car, I slipped in and just sat behind the wheel silently thinking about what just happened.
'Where in the world did he get off?!' I thought. 'After everything I went through with him, he turns around and does this?' I turn the car on and drive methodically, not really paying attention to what I'm doing.
'This wasn't like him, Jim wouldn't just give in so easily, but he did. What am I supposed to do? How can I bring him back to his Sentinel path? What a joke, I'm supposed to be a Guide and can't even fulfill that role when it's needed most. Maybe Jim was right, maybe it all is for the best. He can be "normal" as he calls it and I can go back to concentrating on my classes.'
By this time I'm in front of the Loft. Isn't it great that driving requires so little attention? I need to go think about what I'm going to do. Fumbling for my keys as I walk up the stairs, I finally get the house-key separated from the rest when I get in front of the door. Opening it I drink in the silence. Jim hasn't been in here for over a month and his presence is still as strong as if he had just left. That's what makes this worse, I'm not only losing my Sentinel, but my best friend. This is all too much to comprehend, I need to relax. Breathe, Sandburg, just breathe.
Walking over to the couch I clear a space to sit down. My papers are scattered over both couches and the coffee table. Jim would kill me over this, he'd have a cleaning attack. That makes me laugh, for a minute. Then sadness engulfs me again. Leaning my head back, I just want to sleep forever. Maybe this will all turn out to be a nightmare and I'll soon wake up. No, this is reality and I have to deal with it. I yawn as I feel my body try to convince me that a nap wouldn't be such a bad idea. Soon I give in, I need the quick escape from the waking world anyway. I should have known that my life's never that simple.
Here I am in that blue jungle. Jim's more accustomed to this, but I've had one or two experiences in the spirit plane. I start walking towards a young figure, he seems familiar. It's not until I get closer that I realize that this man is Incacha, but not really. He's too young, but it looks just like him.
"So, you have come," the young Incacha said.
"Yes, I have come, though I am unsure why. The decision has been made."
"Yes, the Sentinel believes he has chosen the right path, but he cannot decide for you."
"The decision should be the same for me. I cannot be the Guide, I have already failed him."
"Why do you say such things?" the young Incacha questions.
"I was not able to show him the error of his decision and I now feel there is no error. He has chosen his path and I should be on that same path."
"That is the path of denial. You must confront your role and accept what is to come."
"I am afraid that I will be unable to guide him back. He has already denied his place."
"He has to confront his own path and realize that he has a role to fulfill also. You are joined together and will need the dependence of each other to approach the future."
"What if I cannot be a good Guide."
"You can only do what is right in your heart. A Sentinel depends on his Guide and you need to do what is right."
"He can always depend on me, but I cannot heal his body. Will he be able to walk again?"
"Whether the Sentinel will be healed has yet to be seen, he will have to accept his place before he can move forward. Have you accepted your place?"
"Yes, I am his Guide and I will always be his Guide. He will need me and I will guide him. That is what I am supposed to do."
"Very good, you are learning."
With that the jungle disappeared and I woke up with a jolt. The phone was ringing and he was still disoriented. He heard Jim's voice on the other end.
"Chief?" Jim asked tentatively.
"Yeah?" I said calmly, centered now.
"We've got to talk; I need to apologize. Incacha showed me my errors. I've accepted my place and my role. Everything's returned to the way it was; I've got my senses back."
"I saw him too, he helped me deal with all this. I've learned a lot."
"So have I Chief, so have I," Jim started. After a moment of silence between them Jim began again. "Chief?"
"Yeah Jim?"
"Could you come back to the hospital? I feel like taking a ride outside and I need someone to push my wheelchair."
That caused me to smile, he was back. "Sure thing Jim, I'll always be there for you."