Chapter Text
Every idol group has fans like this, he knows.
One of them HAS to be gay!
And everyone has their theories. Sometimes, when he's had three too many to drink and hates himself just enough, Ranmaru will check the messageboards online. Results vary depending on their latest release but there's an underlying trend every time.
The first guess is usually Reiji. Cute, cheerful, giver of nicknames, lover of samba, apparently these are all dead giveaways. The fans usually wish that he's happy so that's something at least.
Ranmaru is surprised at how often the next most popular guess is not Ai but Camus. He's putting on an act, they say, overcompensating, and they're right in half of it. 'The butler is always gay,' a few point out with manga recommendations to prove it and Ranmaru is pretty sure he's been reading the wrong kind of manga his whole life if that's the case.
Ai seems to be the easy guess. He's girly. Apparently that's enough. Having a high voice and pretty hair are clear signs he likes to take it up the ass, like it's just another personality trait. Right.
There are never many people voting for Ranmaru himself. A few brave soldiers pose the idea that he's been such a womanizer he's now turned off of them for life and he's sort of flattered in a weird uncomfortable way. And ah, well, they're half right about that too.
He slaps his laptop shut with a groan and reaches for another beer. That's about all he can handle for one night. Time to pass out sloppily on the couch and pretend he's still a hard-core rock and roll rebel.
"Fuck."
The beer has run out. To hell with that plan. He abandons the couch for the kitchen and a more sensible glass of water, cursing the healthy habits he's grown accustomed to.
Ranmaru would look hot on his knees fufufu
He almost chokes on his water remembering some of the things he's read during this month's miseryfest. Sometimes he has the urge to post himself, watch sparks fly, see if anyone takes him seriously. Probably not. Reality isn't quite as black and white as they hope.
Ai is not gay. Ai is not straight. Ai likes keyboards and statistics. And he's fine just the way he is, as far as Ranmaru is concerned. Maybe he should ask the pretty little bastard to make him a spreadsheet with all of the theories, cook up some nice graphs.
Camus is nowhere near as simple. Ranmaru doesn't have a fucking clue what goes on in that guy's head. Maybe his stage persona is a gay butler and his real personality is into simpering damsels. Or dominatrixes who can step on him. Whatever. Whichever. Ranmaru doesn't know and doesn't care.
Reiji sambas both ways. Ranmaru knows because he'd flat out said it one night while they were sharing beers and a movie after work. Reiji couldn't decide if he wanted to make the lead actress swoon or fall into the lead actors arms himself and 'which would you pick, Ran-Ran?'.
"Neither," he repeats for the glass of water. "They both look like shit."
Reiji has tried to get an answer out of him for weeks and hasn't been subtle about it. He hasn't gone so far as to make a move but it had been touch and go a few times. Cheerful and cute he might be but the man is a demon in disguise when he wants something. Ranmaru thanks his unlucky stars that Reiji only wants an answer and not more from him.
Probably. Hopefully.
Because the problem is that while no, there's no cosmic law that says one of them has to be gay one of them is anyway and that one happens to be Ranmaru Kurosaki, rockstar, asshole, beer drinking, steak loving, tough guy. Tough enough that no one questions his eyeliner, ever, and that what had started as a joke is now part of his signature look. Tough enough that only Reiji is brave or stupid enough to ask. Tough enough that he's going to open his laptop and-
"Tch."
And take some aspirin to ward of a hangover tomorrow like a good boy. Damnit.
It's not like he even knows what he would say if he did decide to announce his private business to the world. As if the fans would even accept that yeah, he's been a womanizer, yeah okay, maybe he made some realizations a bit late, but he doesn't hate women, they didn't turn him gay, all they did was give him some damn trust issues he didn't need on top of everything else.
It wouldn't make a good story, that's for sure. The fans would hate him. Shining would have his ass - sweet mother of fuck no try again - would give him a talking to and he'd likely lose what successes he's managed to claw out from this shitshow.
So no. He's not gonna say anything. Ever, probably. Can't date if you're an idol anyway. Great. What a world.
He heads to bed with a heavy heart, having worn out his anger like a cheap pair of boots, ready to forget it all until the next time he chooses to do this to himself.
He's dozing off when his phone sounds.
"The fuck?"
Not being able to sleep sucks, right? If I was outside with some drinks would you let me in?
Reiji. At 3 in the fucking morning. There's persistent and then there's this. Either something is wrong or he's been severely underestimating Reiji's capacity for assholery.
He tries to go back to sleep.
It's not a hypothetical question by the way~ Your door has a crack in it, did you kick it?
Sleep is a distant dream and Reiji is a near annoyance. But beer, right?
"Rock and fucking roll," he mutters, hauls himself out of bed and heads for the door.