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It had been a hard couple of weeks, on top of a hard couple of months. Vin felt every one of those days deep in his bones as they trudged along the first trail that pretended to be a road. He’d thought that it was a good thing when they’d proven that this town wasn’t as civilized as the places back east, when they – the seven of them – had agreed once more to take on its protection.
But since then, it had been one fight after another – first, Eli Joe trying to kill him, and then Chris killing Eli Joe, then that strange situation with Inez that had reminded them all of how close they were to the border, then the loss of Hank Connelly and the crazy woman and her army of sons, then the damned wagon train and the woman who had confused him more than almost anyone else in his life – and now this: Chris shot and almost dead, and they still couldn’t find the woman who had caused it. And caused the deaths of Chris’ wife and child.
Not they: he couldn’t find her.
As if knowing his mind, Buck said, “She’s probably had this planned for years, Vin. A woman – hell, anyone who could do what she did to Sara and Adam, then to wait all this time, do all that she did to set up a life she thought Chris’d want – she had to be prepared to scoot if it went wrong. She ain’t running blind. We’d have come over her or someone who’s seen her if that was the case.”
Vin sighed but nodded, knowing Buck was right. People didn’t just fall off the face of the world like this, leastways a pretty woman with money. And she’d had money; county clerk had told him how much the mining company was worth. And how much it had been making. Enough for her to pay Avril and his gang, enough to keep all them people in that house clothed and fed.
Enough to buy all them fancy things for Chris that she claimed had been her husband’s.
But he was tired of thinking about her, tired of all of this. Even his worry for Chris was waning. A week ago, when they’d been in town, Nathan said Chris wasn’t out of the woods, but the worry lines around Nathan’s eyes weren’t as deep and he’d stopped hovering over Chris when Chris insisted on going down the stairs to sit on the boardwalk.
“A good night’s sleep will do us both good,” Buck said, still knowing Vin’s mind. It made him worry that they’d been spending too much time together these past weeks.
‘Cause there was something else on his mind that wasn’t none of Buck’s business. “Let’s get on,” he said, spurring his horse ahead.
They moved faster for a time, the sun sinking low in the sky, casting the land around them in warm colors of gold and then orange. The town came into view only as the twilight had darkened to the point that candles and oil lights were burning, a bright spot in the deepening shadows of the night.
Vin’s horse stumbled, not falling, but the misstep threw him off his stride, so Vin slowed, letting the horse recover. Buck slowed as well, and, as usual, resumed his chatter – though, to be fair, it was less lively than it had been before the Ella Gaines Affair, as Ezra had taken to calling the whole mess.
“Can’t say I’m looking forward to seeing Chris,” he said. “Reckon I’ll get over it soon enough, always have, but still ain’t right that he didn’t listen to none of us about her. Glad he’s alive – damned glad, but now that he’s out of the woods, the whole thing makes me want to shoot him myself.”
Vin glanced to the other man and thought about it. A woman had died, a woman Buck had cared about. Vin wasn’t sure how long things between them would have gone on, as Buck wasn’t prone to settling down, and he thought that perhaps some of Buck’s current grief and anger over her death was due to the fact that as of the time things had gone to the bad, Buck hadn’t yet bedded her.
What he did know was that he, himself, had been right angry with Chris, at least at the first. He’d been ready to leave them all in that house, was already on his way back toward town when he’d heard the shots and come running.
Despite the chaos of those first days after, Chris almost dying, getting him back to town while getting all the dead buried and the ones still living off to other places, dealing with the local law, who were none too pleased with the situation – and who had a few other tales to tell about Avril and his men, and Ella Gaines and her house guests – despite all that, Vin had had some time to think.
“Reckon he was looking for some happiness,” he said quietly. “Ain’t sure I can blame him for that.”
Buck turned and looked at him. Vin could just see his face in the growing dark, enough to know that Buck was frowning. “Yeah? You think that let’s him off for not trusting us?”
Vin shrugged. “Reckon not, seeing as how things could have turned out a lot different as he had, including him not losing the person who killed his family. And far as I can tell, ain’t nobody angrier at him about that than he is. But that ain’t my point.” He drew a breath, patting the side of his horse’s neck as he considered how to say it.
Strangely, Buck was quiet and still, or as still as he could be on his horse, who swayed from side to side, ready to keep going.
The words that came still weren’t right, but they were as close as he could come. “Chris thought he had a shot at being happy again. Don’t know about you, but if I had a shot like that, reckon I’d try to hang on to it, too, as hard as I could. I tried it myself, with Charlotte, and like Chris, I didn’t listen much to people who tried to tell me it weren’t gonna work.”
Vin could hear Buck draw in a deep breath, and he thought Buck’s head turned, as if he were looking away. Buck had been one of the ones to try to warn Vin, so Vin thought he might be taking the point.
After a time, Buck said, “Hadn’t thought on it that way,” he said. “Maybe in some ways, we’re all like that, putting what we want ahead of common sense. Just seems the price can be too high sometimes.”
Vin patted his horse one more time then tugged at the reins. Stars were beginning to show in the sky, giving them a little more light. “Probably won’t have to see Chris tonight. He’ll probably be sleepin’ when we get back. We can get some shut eye before having to find a new plan.” He nudged his horse forward, letting the horse set the pace.
Buck followed along. “Food and a bed does sound good,” he said.
It did, Vin agreed silently. But he there were things he didn’t say, as he was more interested in the company that would go along with food and bed, or at least, he hoped there were.
Which was why, when they arrive at the livery a while later, Vin stayed behind to curry his horse, not taking advantage of Tiny’s son’s offer to do it for him, as well as for Buck.
“Headed over to the saloon,” Buck said, tossing coins to the kid. “Stand you a beer when you get there, Vin.”
Vin didn’t answer, relieved that Buck was already walking out the door. He did strip his horse of the riding gear, and he used a bucket of water to wash him down, rubbing off the worst of the mud and dirt while the horse ate from the bucket on the wall of the stall. When Vin finished with that, though, he looked to the kid and said, “You still interested in some money? I changed my mind.”
The kid grinned and nodded, and Vin handed over several coins then picked up his saddle bags before heading out the side door of the livery.
He walked along the road, not toward the saloon but in the opposite direction, toward the end of town. Toward the church. As he did, he looked up at the sky. The stars seemed brighter now. He’d always loved looking at the sky in the night, first with his ma, then with his family in the tribe, and later, just with himself. There was a comfort there, seeing the bright lights in the darkness. He thought often, and to himself, that the people he loved were still out there, shining for him.
For now, though, he’d found a different sort of light. One he didn’t want to lose. So he kept his mouth shut, tried to keep his newfound happiness hidden as much as possible. Not just because people in this world would make it there personal business, but also because, if there was anything he had learned in the past few years, it was that happiness was something that didn’t seem to survive well in the light of day.
As he neared the church, he stayed to the shadows as much as possible, making his way round back. The warm smell of bread and meat teased him as he walked up the steps to the kitchen, the light coming through the cracks in the curtains as welcome as the stars above.
This was the light on which his happiness seemed to thrive.