Chapter Text
Even though we’ve been friends forever, my heart’s been beating faster around her lately. I try my best to conceal true love’s flush when it tints my cheeks, but it’s seemed nearly impossible to do so since I realized that I felt this way.
As the other members of μ's and I practiced our routine on the rooftop like any other day, I could barely focus on what I was doing.
1, 2, 3, 4! 1, 2, 3, 4! Twirl! Jump! Twirl! Slide!
My body moved in sync with everyone else's moves, but something felt different. It felt off, like I was doing something wrong. Then, within a blink, she caught my eye. Her striking amber eyes were passionately focused on the lilac gates in front of her. Her flawless body gracefully swaying as she danced, her deep blue hair softly flowing in the afternoon breeze. Even in that single moment where she met my eyes, I was able to completely and fully take everything about her in. I knew without a doubt in my mind that it was true : I was in love with her.
"Alright everyone! Take fifteen," Eli announced with pride, "This new choreography is shaping up to be amazing!"
I grabbed my water bottle and leaned my tired body against the school exterior's brick wall. The shining sun illuminated on me as I took a refreshing sip of water and gently closed my eyes. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop daydreaming about her. I wanted to feel her fingers intertwine with mine. I wanted to be enveloped by her warm embrace. I wanted to feel her soft lips meet mine in a pure, gentle kiss. I just wanted to be hers. Suddenly, I could hear someone's footsteps gradually coming closer and closer to me. I opened my eyes and stared up at the calm, angelic clouds that peacefully drifted through the sunny skies above me. In the corner of my eye, I could see who was walking towards me : it was her. My best friend, Umi Sonoda.
"Kotori, are you okay?" Umi's soothing voice asked. My eyes that were absorbed in the cyan skies above quickly diverted to her eyes, which I soon became lost in.
"Kotori?" she inquired once more, a hint of concern in her expression.
"Oh, I'm sorry Umi-chan!" I exclaimed nervously, "I was just thinking about some new ideas for costumes and I kinda got lost in my own thoughts." I tried hiding that lie behind a smile, hoping she wouldn't notice.
"Oh, well I just wanted to check in and make sure you were alright," Umi sighed, a caring yet stressed tone carrying those words. "You've been awfully quiet lately and it's made me feel a little concerned. Has everything been alright?"
As her eyes met mine once more, butterflies filled my stomach. As their wings began to flutter faster and faster, any coherent thoughts of mine began to vanish.
"Everything's been just fine, Umi-chan!" The words rolled off my tongue quicker than I could even realize.
This time, it was clear to me that Umi didn't buy what I told her. Her eyes that were warm and dazzling with empathy just moments before instantly dulled with disappointment.
"Kotori, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" she asked, gently placing her hand on my shoulder. The butterflies in my stomach that had just started to settle down fluttered at full force. My heart began to race, and yet even as the words I've urged myself to tell her crept onto my lips, I just couldn't set them free. What would she think if I told her? Would the words "I love you" shatter our friendship? Would I lose one of my closest friends?
"I know, Umi-chan." I said, drawing in a deep breath. My head rushed just saying her name, let alone speaking directly to her. I felt like I was caught in an inescapable whirlwind, and I had no clue what to do to ease the pain eating away at me. Fear and anger and frustration took over me, drowning out everything and everyone around me. Even if I tried to fight it with all of my strength and might, it was impossible for me to escape the way I felt.
"It's just that if I say it, you'll hate me." I bluntly stated with no hesitation. Suddenly, Umi's face and mine turned red in unison.
"What have I done?" I thought to myself.
"Kotori..." Umi whispered, attempting to meet my gaze.
"I-I'm sorry!" I stammered, my heart throbbing in my chest.
Tears spilled from my cloudy eyes onto my blotchy, red cheeks as I ran as fast as I could. I burst through the door as I heard my friends shout my name behind me. I sprinted out of the school towards home with no brakes. As I arrived home, I ran to my room and the tears that trickled down my face turned into waterfalls. My heart felt heavy and thinking back on everything that happened felt painful. Deeply burying my tear-drenched face into my favorite pillow, thoughts began zipping through my mind. How would I ever be able to redeem myself after what happened? How would I confront the feelings I had once and for all? How would I get Umi to like me again?