Chapter Text
Liam’s sitting on the chaise by the door to the patio only on his boxers, third cigarette in his mouth, at forty past four in the morning. His eyes are more swollen than they’ve been the past couple of weeks, cheeks damp and red. Deep breaths he thinks to himself. The sun will shine in a few hours and maybe everything will be alright?
Harry is still sleeping inside, front side down hugging the satin throw pillow. Naked.
His publicist had phoned thirty minutes ago, the ‘ We asked you to be careful, Liam’ and ‘They’re running the story, front cover, online as soon as the papers hit the shelves’ constantly repeating on his mind.
The thing is: he has been careful. He did everything right. Told them as soon as it became a reality. Never doing anything on broad daylight and in a not crowded place that was safe.
He met Harry at a party two days ago in a country no one knew he was in. They talked on the balcony, Liam straight up asking if he wanted to do something cool anywhere else, just because. They went down by the beach at one in the morning talking about everything and nothing at all. They kissed at almost sunrise skinny dipping on the jacuzzi at Liam’s suite.
Then Liam invited Harry to spend the afternoon at his suite with the excuse of not being able to leave the hotel with a pretty boy or else the ugly men would steal Harry from him — in reality, Liam was afraid of being caught with a men, but didn’t want Harry to go. They ordered authentic champagne, had sex a bit more and talked all day.
Harry knew who Liam was, but said he was way better looking than expected and way nicer than the Sun or the Daily Mail reported him to be. Liam quizzed Harry on all the countries he’d been during his interraling: ‘Where did you like best’ ‘Easily, Prague’ ‘Favourite people?’ ‘Praguers’ ‘I’m starting to think you’ve only been to Prague, mate’ ‘Excuse me, Liam. I just really liked Prague’ and begged him to not say anything about Liam for anyone. For now. They talked about tattoos and cars and music, about Harry’s University and Liam’s tour.
Harry had that look on himself all day that was clear he knew — and was dying to ask — about the Daily Mail constantly reporting on Cheryl and Bear being left alone, about Liam being straight, about his multi-platinum career and where to Liam was off next. About everything Liam didn’t want to be reminded of.
His cigarette is now down to the very last drag and Liam’s getting up to go to the bed; if his anxiety is making him sit and wait for the morning, at least he’s doing it by someone else. He lays down on his side under the sheets, looking at Harry. He wants to touch, but he knows he’ll wake Harry up.
Harry’s long hair is squished everywhere, the curls fading and losing shape when tossed and turned on the bed. He has a dark bruise on his jaw, almost by the ear, that Liam put there yesterday afternoon when they fucked before the room service was here. His body is covered by the white cotton sheet and he looks peaceful and pretty and Liam likes that he met him.
Liam eyes fill up with tears once again, he can’t believe he let the world expose this men. He’s mad at everyone, because he didn’t choose to be front cover of the Daily Mail and he’s upset, he may lose him for not being careful. He’s mostly upset with himself for being selfish. His insides do a weird turn, the alcohol from last night and the food from a bit earlier wanting to come back.
Liam jumps from the bed very haphazardly, runs for the bathroom and as soon as he sees the toilet, everything is down the water. He cries, sitting down on the marble flooring, head on the toilet — not the most dignifying moment of his life, sure, but he doesn’t care. He’s raising to his feet when he sees Harry’s sleepy reflection through the mirror.
‘...Hi’ Harry says.
Liam can’t say anything. He’s crying and he just threw up everything and he’s pale and worn down.
‘Didn’t think you had that much to drink, would’ve stayed late taking care of you’ Harry adds.
Liam wants to brush his teeth, then go kiss this boy that clearly is too lovely for his own sake. They’ve met forty eight hours ago and Liam’s heart is full.
‘Not the drinking, Haz’ Liam says, looking at Harry through the mirror. ‘It’s okay, though and sorry for waking you up’
Liam cleans himself and goes to kiss Harry for lack of better thing to do.
Harry kisses passionately, too delicate but also very dominant. Everytime their mouths touch, Liam’s body heats up and his hands start to sweat and it’s the perfect press of puffy lips. Liam’s hand is on Harry’s, fingers laced and rubbing circles. Then they are up on his cheeks, caressing the wet cheekbones.
Harry started crying and only now Liam realizes. They are kissing in a fancy hotel marble all around bathroom, both undressed and crying and sleepy.
Harry breaks the kiss and hugs Liam tight, sinks his face in Liam’s neck and stays there. ‘I’m here for you’ He says, like he knows Liam needed something.
They go outside to cuddle together, tight squeeze on the chaise. It’s a warm dawn tonight, a middle of the summer traditional mediterranean dawn. Liam doesn’t care if they’re sticking to each other, he just wants to be cuddled.
‘You want to talk about it?’ Harry says carefully. He’s running his hand through Liam’s short low hair, putting it to the side and then bringing to the other.
Liam sits up, crossing his legs by the end of the chaise.
‘I’m sorry Haz’ He may cry again. He had stopped with Harry’s warmth by his side, but he doesn’t know anymore.
‘For what?’ Harry sounds awfully worried.
‘I — I’m sorry. So sorry’ His voice is sluggish and sad. Ten hours ago, he made people and Harry happy. Now he ruins peoples lives.
‘Liam, breathe. Tell me’ He’s sitting up now, face to Liam, legs crossed. He looks like he doesn’t know if he can touch.
‘My team phoned, the Mail’s got— They have a video of us. Together’ It’s hard to say. Oh the papers are outing me, outing you without sounding… Defeated.
‘Wait— But we didn’t— We didn’t do nothing— We didn’t even’ And Harry looks legit preoccupied. More than Liam expected. Like being careful and stealth was his mission ever since he met Liam.
‘We were dancing and someone said we went away together and that I bought you drinks and we were grinding— All night. They’re expecting a statement. The worst is, I don’t even know what to say’
‘That you’ve met a beautiful men in Monaco and you took him home?’ It is nice of Harry, trying to lighten the mood. It isn’t working though.
‘I just— They don’t— I don’t’ He’s crying again now, which isn’t the nicest view, but he’s tired and upset. This was meant to be fun, Monaco was meant to be fun.
‘Oh, baby’ Harry is cuddling him again, bringing him to lay down. Liam likes that he didn’t run away. He was afraid as soon as Harry knew, he’d be fleeing out the door.
‘They’re expecting a statement about my sexuality, about me being gay or bi or whatever. I don’t even know who I am, Harry. I’m not gay. I love Chez—’ And it’s like only now he remembers he has a son. ‘Oh, Cheryl. What if— she— Bear’
‘She wouldn’t take her son away from you because you like cock too, Liam’ Harry says it so fast, Liam doesn’t understand how he reads his mind so well.
‘I just— I love her, you know? It’s hard… to unlove someone. It didn’t work out and now we have a son and I’m gay and the Mail’s throwing everything at her like—’ He’s out of breath. Most of the times he says too much. He sits up again. ‘Sorry, shouldn’t be telling you this’
‘You can tell me anything’
‘Haz, we’ve met forty eight hours ago’
‘And I told you how Uni was killing me, Li. Killing me. Opened up within three hours of knowing you. And I haven’t even told my sister that. You can trust me’ Harry says. ‘Lay down and talk to me’
‘It’s just been shit, mate. Everything. They’ve been acting like— fuck, Cheryl and I weren’t talking in the last month. I’d go home when I could, you know, to see Bear, but I’d sleep on the guest bedroom, play with Watson and that’s it. We weren’t looking at each other’s faces. Everyday I got up, made breakfast, but she’d take Bear to the table, grab a plate and eat outside. I was tired of this, you know, and I tried. I fucking tried being a man and providing for them, being enough, you know, and— and one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. Grabbed my things and moved out. Few weeks later, everyone and the Sun was calling me names and saying I abandoned my child.
‘Now they’re going to say I’m a men slut who left the mother of his child to suck cock in Monaco’
‘Don’t be mean to yourself, Liam’ Harry’s crying too. They’re both cuddling, sad and defeated and crying at five twenty in the morning.
‘How? Because, like, the only way I’m seeing this is: I left to party, I was caught, I have a son I’m not with and now love sucking cock too. And she’ll— She’ll get shit over it. Again. My fans aren’t nice to her you know? They— they called her sad things. I loved that woman and they called her a pedophile, Haz. The people who are supposed to love me. Now they’ll yell at her for turning me gay’
Harry takes his hand off Liam this time and doesn’t look at him. Takes a deep breath and says:
‘Did she though? Are you here with— Are you here with me just because she didn’t work out? Because if—’
‘No’ Liam is quick to respond, but Harry doesn’t listen to him.
‘If— am I— Am I a rebound, Liam? Because I had a great time yesterday and today and like I really don’t care if my name’s in the paper by midday and if mum will see me grinding on you, but I will if you’re doing this just to get back at her or forget her or do a 180 from her— You’re being mean, Liam. To me. And that is not cool’
Liam cries. He feels like vomming again. Everything is turning and he has to fix it all, but he doesn’t know how.
‘Liam’ Harry says again. ‘Are you—? Do you—?’
Liam sits up, tries to establish himself back.
‘I don’t know what I’m doing, Harry. I— I came here to get away, got a fancy hotel suite that is costing me loads. I thought to myself Wow, I’mma get a different girl each night, rent a yacht, get a tan, get pissed, maybe snort some Coke, why not? Haven’t done that in a while and now I’m here. By day one I met someone I really like, spent the whole two days by his side and got meself outed even though I didn’t even know I was gay’
Harry’s eyes close and takes a while to open, but when they do, they come with Harry signaling him to lay down again.
‘It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. You’re strong and beautiful and everyone’s by your side’
‘Thank you, Haz’
Harry runs his hands through Liam’s hair. They both stopped crying, now everything just sounds clogged.
‘You gotta phone your family, Li. Cheryl and your mum, I know it’s early, but you have too’ Harry sounds painful, sounds like he doesn’t want to say it.
‘I know’
‘In less than an hour the papers will be published and they deserve to know before. They deserve to be you who tell them’
‘I know’
‘Can I phone me mum and Gem?’
‘Of course, love’ And Liam doesn’t stop himself when he goes to kiss him. ‘It’s the least you could do’
Harry smiles broad and big and shining and Liam thanks it’s him. He doesn’t want to go through that with no one, but Harry.
Broad shouldered Harry who’s still naked after having a very seriously sad conversation. Green eyed Harry who took a gap year at 24 to save himself. Long haired Harry who is so lovely, so caring, so… Everything, that Liam doesn’t know how to react.
It’s been two days and Liam thinks he’ll never find someone like him again. Even if they leave this situation just as friends.
They go inside, Harry puts on a pair of Liam’s fancy Versace pants even though he brought his also fancy duffle luggage to Liam’s yesterday night before they left for the party and grabs water from the tap. He eyes Liam struggling to unlock his phone.
‘Go on, Li. Just, keep calm alright? Do you think they’ll be up?’ Harry sits down by the bed.
‘Cheryl might— Bear’s too much of a morning baby, five and he’s already moving to be picked up’
‘Phone her first, then. Don’t— Take it off your system, be honest, she’ll understand it’ Harry smiles, reassuring and Liam leans down to kiss his forehead. The sky is already light blue and Harry checks the time: 5:42am.
Liam goes outside for it, not because he doesn’t want Harry to listen, but he thinks Cheryl might not like it. He dials.
It rings once, twice, three times and on the fourth ring he’s thinking of turning it off, but then he hears: ‘Liam’
‘Hi Chez’ He’s quiet and small. It’s too much he thinks.
‘Liam. It’s five in the morning’ She doesn’t sound happy, but he doesn’t blame her. Hearing from your ex before business hours is not a good thing.
‘Just phoned because— Fuck, sorry. I’m sorry’ His voice is clogged, his cheeks are dampening again. He’s crying.
‘Liam, why. Why are you crying?’ Her voice sounds sturdy, Liam believes she doesn’t want to have this conversation. He doesn’t either.
‘I’m so sorry, Chez— I didn’t— I’m sorry I woke you up, I’m sorry everything was so shit at the end, I’m sorry I’m not there for Bear enough. I loved you so much, now I’ve messed up and they’ll go after you again. Told Haz earlier how you’ve always got shit for dating me, how my fans would’ve called you names and stuff— Now it’s gonna get worse and it’s my fault. I’m so sorry. I never— I’m sorry, Chez’
Liam’s eyes can’t stop the tears from coming down and he doesn’t know how he is managing to make sense, but the words are leaving out of his mouth like a storm.
‘Babe, calm down’ Her accent is so familiar. ‘Bear is okay, you don’t need to worry about him—’
‘You’re a good mom’
‘— Who’s Haz? Why—? Aren’t you in Monaco? Liam it’s five am, you need to be clearer’
‘I— Sorry, Chez’
‘Liam, stop apologizing, please. Calm down, babe’ Liam takes a deep breath. From where he’s sitting, he sees Harry on the phone too. He smiles.
‘I’m in Monaco. I— I met someone. Very nice, full of joy. I wanted to rent a yacht you know? But instead met someone and spent the last thirty six hours indoors having sex on the jacuzzi’
‘Fuck you, Liam, you didn’t phone me to say you fucked a bird hard and good did you?’ He flinches at the word bird and he’s mumbling, he knows. Hurt her less he thinks to himself, you’ve done enough damage .
‘No! No! Cheryl listen to me, I’m sorry. The Mails got videos, Haz and I dancing at this party, grinding or whatever. They’re publishing now and I’m so sorry’
‘Liam why— Why are you phoning me to tell me you’ve fucked a girl and the papers got the video?’ Liam thinks she saying it in a testing tone. She’s always been too clever, always two steps ahead of him, she should be ahead of him.
‘BECAUSE IT’S NOT A GIRL, CHERYL!’ Liam doesn’t know why he’s speaking this loud. He looks at Harry and he sees Harry looking outside, face worried and sad. They’re all sad at this point.
‘Babe, you’re— Haz, Haz, Haz is a man?’
‘Yes. Harry. We met a party, he’s good’
‘Liam, are you sure it wasn’t him who—‘
‘No’ Liam interupts her right away. ‘Don’t even try’
She takes a deep breath.
‘So you’re gay?’
‘I— I like Haz. And he likes me. I’m sorry though. You don’t deserve this, I—‘
‘Not on you, love. You didn’t ask for this. What your— What did MC say?’
‘That the Mail’s got a video and they’re outing me front cover as soon as the print is published. Asked me to stay indoors, avoid social media, the usual’ He says, he’ll melt and merge into the chaise with how small he’s feeling.
The thing with Cheryl is, she’s always very business. Always ready to turn one eighty and think and act.
‘Are you issuing a statement?’
‘If I knew what to say maybe? I don’t even know if I’m bi; I’m not gay, for fucks sake. But I can’t say I’m straight. I like Harry and that’s it. We aren’t dating, we’re just— I’m just here Chez’
‘Does Karen know?’
‘Was gonna phone mum later, after you’ Liam thinks of how he’s telling his mum. Hi mom, I’m gay, it’s on the papers today by the way, a exclusive of me grinding on a man creeps into his mind.
‘Please do, I’m telling me PR too and Bear might get up in a while’ It’s Liam’s cue to leave.
‘Ok. Thanks though and sorry, again. Tell Bear I love him’
‘Babe, you should phone him sometime later, Facetime him you know. Introduce him to this Haz of yours’ Liam’s face heats up, he knows he’s blushing. Cheryl’s voice sounds smilish and welcoming.
‘Yeah, maybe. Thanks again’
‘Bye, Liam’
He walks inside, the air conditioning cooler than his skin. Harry is now sitting by the head of the bed, white sheets curled up in his lap.
‘Come’ere, Li’ Harry says. He goes to cuddle him close under the sheets. ‘She took ok then?’
Liam nods. ‘Said to Facetime Bear later, show him to you’
Harry’s face lights up immediately. All the crinkles around his eyes and smile big and opened.
‘Told me to phone mum too’
‘She’s right you know’ Harry is running his hands through Liam’s hair, this has been a constant these past hours.
‘Did you phone yours?’
‘Left a voice message on Whatsapp to mum and Gem. Gem replied with a sad emoji and a Can he introduce me to Shawn Mendes? , I told her off’
‘That can be arranged though, saw him earlier this year, can try to get her backstage passes when he’s in the UK’
‘That’d be lovely. You don’t need to though’
Liam and Harry stays quiet for a while. Liam losing himself in his thoughts, seeing his phone light up with notifications. He doesn’t care.
He needs to phone his mum.
‘Do you mind if I do it from ‘ere?’
Harry shakes his head.
Liam reaches for his phone on the nightstand, he briefly sees the amount of messages he’s got but doesn’t care. He’s sliding the home page to the phone app, tapping on his mum favourited contact.
Unlike Cheryl, Karen takes even longer to answer so that doesn’t necessarily worry him: ‘Liam?’
She sounds like she’s in the verge of crying. Getting a call from his son at five thirty in the morning is not the best thing ever.
‘Mum, don’t cry. Nothing’s wrong. Majorly. Is me dad up?’
‘Geoff is sleeping still, love. What happened?’
‘’I’m just phoning you because— Because there’s an article running today, I think you deserve to hear from me. The Mail has videos—‘ He’s interrupted right away.
‘Liam James Payne you didn’t—‘ He interrupts her right back.
‘No mum, God, no dicks on the paper, no. What they have is, I’m in Monaco and I met someone’
‘Aw, love, that’s good. I know how you’ve been needing someone nice to you for once’ Liam thinks this is sad.
‘Cheryl is nice mom, Danielle was too’ He doesn’t mention Sophia. ‘But, this time, I met— It’s a men mum’ Liam says it looking at Harry. ‘And he’s good and he’s taking this forced coming out thing very nice and I’m very thankful it’s him, not someone else’ Harry’s face looses up, he takes a deep breathe, tries to calm down, but still immediately tears up. Liam runs his free finger to dry his cheek.
‘Oh, Liam’
‘I didn’t know I liked men, mom, but I like Haz and we met at this party two days ago and we haven’t left each other’s side still. So I’m calling you to say this, tell dad please and Nic and Ruth. I don’t want them to hear from the Mail. They can phone too, or text on Whatsapp if they want to talk’ Liam says, voice dying at the end. He is very tired. Harry looks tired too.
‘It’s good you called, if this Harry and you work out, bring’im home, love. Or we can go down’
Liam doesn’t want to be reminded of the future, the Will Harry want to be with me still is enough on his mind.
‘I don’t kno—‘ He yawns mid sentence.
‘Grab some sleep, love. We talk later’
‘Ok, love you’
‘Love you too’
Liam lets the call disconnect and his phone fall into his lap. He looks to his side and Harry’s eyeing him with warmth. Liam lays down, bringing Harry with him. They’re facing each other. Very close.
‘Liam’
Liam brushes Harry’s long hair back, it’s thick and it’s no so clean. ‘Yes, Haz’
‘What happens now? You have to school me on this tabloid, all eyes on you stuff, Liam’
‘Now we wait. PR’s handling everything, asked me to lay low, stay off social media and everything’
‘What will you say when they ask?’ The about your sexuality is implicit.
“I don’t know. I don’t wanna lie, not about you whatever this is, you know. Even if in a week we don’t want this anymore—’
‘I will’
Liam breathes in slowly. It’s been a long day. ‘Haz’
‘I will though, Li. I— I haven’t liked my life in a long time and I grew to like the past two days, Daily Mail, ex-girlfriend drama and all’
‘Haz—’ Liam kisses him then, slow and reassuring. When he parts the kiss, he keeps his mouth centimeters away, breathing in and out in Harry’s mouth. ‘Will clear with PR tomorrow if we can leave this room, no need for hiding anymore’
The face Harry gives him is worth everything. Even from this close, Liam can see Harry’s eyes shine.
‘You said you wanted to rent a yacht’ Liam is laughing now, he can’t believe Harry Styles.
‘Yes, I did’
‘I don’t want to ask for it, but it would be nice if you could...’
‘Will clear with PR as soon as possible, maybe at night I can take you on a proper date’ If this is helping Harry feel, Liam is determined to give him the world.
The ‘Okay’ whispered almost doesn’t leave Harry’s mouth.
Liam gets up to close the curtains for them to sleep, the sun shining bright already.