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It was far too beautiful a day to be stuck inside, in Kili’s opinion. Pouring over dusty old scrolls was not how he wanted to spend one of the few sunny days in that transitional period between winter and spring. The sun was just starting to peek her head out, the animals starting to waken from their hibernations, and Kili was not going to waste this day. Not at all.
Mother always insisted on travelling in pairs, but Fili was the only partner Kili would want, and he was busy with his own work. Besides, he knew these woods well enough to traverse them without help. He’d be just fine.
His heavy boots had been swapped out for a pair of lighter ones, far better for creeping through the forests of Ered Luin. When Kili really tried, he could be almost impossible to hear or see, a feat that he was very proud of. Dwarves tended to be loud and noisy and disrespectful towards the forests, favoring what was beneath the earth rather than what grew upon it, but Kili loved the land. He loved the flora and fauna, the feel of cool mountain air breezing across his face and pushing his hair back into wild tangles.
It’s why Thorin had sent him to train under the tutelage of one of the Rangers, the mysterious Men that wandered the land with seemingly no purpose. But they knew the wilds well, and Kili had blossomed all the more with a mentor. His love for nature had expanded astronomically, and he’d learned more about the more necessary things as well. What plants were safe to eat, how to find roots near water, how to orient himself using the sun and the stars. He felt safe here in the woods. Like he belonged.
Stepping lightly, he was careful not to make too much noise and scare off any game that might be nearby. His bow he had left for now; he wasn’t hunting today, just gathering. Still, it wasn’t safe to travel through the woods without a weapon, and so he’d armed himself with a dagger and his sword in case of emergency. Kili couldn’t help but shiver as he remembered the time he’d accidentally wandered into the midst of a wild warg pack when he was younger. He was lucky; Thorin and Dwalin and a few others had been hunting nearby and had managed to rescue him in time, but it had been a close thing.
He knew how to recognize those signs now, though, and there would be no accidental wandering into anything that he couldn’t get himself out of. Letting out a yawn, Kili paused beside a tree and stretched, going up on his toes. A few pheasants burst out of their hiding place beside him, taking to the skies, and he watched them go, admiring the color. A few stray feathers were all that they left behind. He gathered them up and tucked them away in a pocket for safe keeping. Maybe he’d use them for fletching for his arrows later. Or perhaps he’d just keep them. He liked collecting feathers.
He took the familiar path through the woods along the game trails where he’d left his traps, checking and resetting them all. His haul was good, better than it had been before. A few fat coneys and a pheasant were the results of his labor, and he stowed them away in his pack before heading for the river to gut and skin them. Mother hated it when he did so at home, and it did tend to attract predators. Best to keep the larger animals away from the settlements. Some of the poorer dwarves didn’t have much more than a lean to and would make easy prey. Kili shuddered at the thought of Ori butchered in his sleep by a wild mountain cat.
He had several favorite spots down at the river, all for different things. This particular place was where he liked to clean his kills, with an easy sloping bank and calm waters, good for rinsing out the blood. Taking the rabbits and bird out of his satchel, he started to skin and gut them. It was easy, methodical work, something he’d done a hundred times over. It was relaxing, somehow, though Kili always thought that was a bit ironic to find himself relaxed by the intestines and blood all over his hands. But he had always had a bit of a penchant for getting his hands dirty. Hunting, fishing, sometimes even smithing, were all hobbies of his.
There was another place just downstream of here where he liked to fish. There the bank was sharp and sudden, a cliff over the river, where the water was brisk and cold and fast. He hadn’t brought anything to fish with on this particular trip, however, and it wasn’t the best time of day for biting, so he’d have to go another time. Maybe later this evening, if Mother didn’t kill him for spending the day away from his duties.
So instead he walked to the other spot that he enjoyed, more upstream from here. There were rocks scattered along the shoreline, comfortable for sitting and relaxing, and the waterfall beside it made for a nice place for a picnic or just to think. The water pooled down a bit lower in a small grotto, lazy and slow, perfect for a good swim or bathing. Setting his things down on a rock, Kili began to strip down, kicking off his boots and his unlacing his breeches and tunic before jumping into the water.
It was cold, of course, snowmelt from higher up in the mountains, but it was refreshing all the same. He let out a sigh and smiled, dunking his head under the water to get his hair wet. That ought to make his mother a little less upset if he came home looking relatively cleaner.
He didn’t get out until he was starting to shiver. Skin bright red, he walked back out onto the back and laid down on a rock to dry, closing his eyes and feeling the warm rays of the sun beam down on him.
It was the warmest day they’d had all season, and it was so good just to get outside. It had been a hard winter, one of the worst that Kili could remember, and all the dwarves were showing it. There had been little food and more raids by orcs and wargs, and worse still, Thorin had been gone for the winter, trapped by the immense snowfall that kept him away from his family and working in the villages of Men. Everyone had tightened their belts, and even Kili, who was already skinny enough, had lost weight.
A noise made him start in surprise, one that was certainly not that of an animal or a forest dwelling creature. Kili groaned inwardly when he recognized the sound of kissing, clearly very intimate, and the light giggle of a girl. There was a growl in a voice that sounded almost familiar, then a gasp, a moan from the girl.
Oh no.
He needed to get out of here, but he knew that if he moved, the clearly busy couple would see him and it would be embarrassing for all of them. Besides, there was something about the voice of the male that made Kili quite sure he knew the owner, he just couldn’t place it at the moment. As quietly as he could, he slipped off the rock and crept over to grab his trousers.
Curiosity won out, and he couldn’t help but glance over to see who exactly the couple was. A strangled cry escaped him before he could stop himself as he saw them. Fili, his golden hair unbraided, pinning one of the barmaids to a tree, her legs wrapped around her waist and ample breasts bouncing as he pounded into her.
The sound made Fili pause and his head whipped around to see Kili. The younger of the brothers choked, unable to find words, scrambling into his breeches and boots before dashing away, the rest of his things left abandoned beside the river.
Sure, Kili had known that his brother was...more well-versed in women than he, but he couldn’t keep back the rush of jealousy in his chest at seeing it. He ran, heart beating fast in his chest until he couldn’t run anymore. But he couldn’t stay here, couldn’t be seen, he just… couldn’t. Still bare chested, Kili scrambled for the tree in front of him, grasping at the branches and hauling himself up bit by bit.
He wasn’t thinking straight, he couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe. Something slipped, and the next thing he knew, he was on his back on the ground, pain searing through his body. He must have made a sound, because a moment later he heard Fili cry out his name from somewhere in the distance.
“Fili,” he whispered, and fainted.
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There were voices around him when he woke. Kili groaned, pain throbbing dully through his left shoulder as he opened his eyes. Fili looked ghostly, sitting beside him with a pale face and his lips red from biting them.
He made to sit up, but Fili rested a hand on his arm and shook his head. “Oin just finished with the stitches,” he said softly.
Stitches? Kili glanced to his shoulder, sighing as he took in the neatly wrapped bandages. Ah. That would explain it. Still, he wasn’t exactly feeling charitable with his brother, and he brushed Fili’s hand off, sitting up anyway. The dizziness was immediate. He must have lost quite a bit of blood. He brushed off any of his brother’s attempts to help and got to his feet, wobbling a bit as he pulled on his tunic and silently made for the door to sit outside.
He didn’t want to talk. The feelings boiling inside him were new and confusing and he just wanted them to go away. Kili couldn’t shake the image of his brother with the barmaid from his mind, feeling anger and jealousy pooling in his gut once more.
But…why? He’d already known that Fili had a physical relationship with several women. Nothing serious, just casual romps. It was normal at his age. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with it. Kili didn’t get a lot of attention from women, but it had never bothered him before. He just wasn’t interested in that right now. He’d always been a little different from everyone else and this was just another thing that separated him from the norm, but Kili had never minded that.
So if it wasn’t to do with the barmaid, was it the act? Perhaps he didn’t want to dominate, but rather, to be dominated himself?
Or stranger still...was it jealousy of the barmaid for sharing a physical relationship with Fili?
Kili shook his head and rested his forehead in his hands. It was too much to take in just now. His shoulder twinged with pain and the door creaked as Fili quietly exited the house to sit down beside his brother. Kili stiffened, swallowing and looking down.
“Kili...” Fili began, but seemed to lose momentum as soon as he started.
“Kili, look. I...I’m sorry you had to see that.”
Kili was quiet for a moment before nodding. “Aye. Me too,” he agreed softly.
There was a silence before Fili spoke again. “Don’t do what I do, Kili. It isn’t worth it.”
Kili looked up, giving his elder brother a searching look and frowning slightly. “What do you mean?”
“It isn’t…” The gold haired dwarf hesitated, clearly trying to word himself properly. “It isn’t right. Sure, you get your leg over, and that’s...sort of nice, but it’s more than just a fling to the lasses. They feel it differently, you know. And while it’s just nothing to you, it’s...more than that to them. It’s cruel to hurt them like that.”
Fili’s words were surprising, not at all what Kili was expecting to hear. He watched his brother as he spoke, recognizing the earnestness in Fili’s voice and eyes. He really meant what he was saying.
“Then why do you do it, Fee?” he asked.
Fili shrugged and shook his head. “I’m not going to anymore. It’s not fair to anyone, and it’s not worth it.” A tiny smile curved his lips and he slung an arm around Kili’s shoulders. “Besides, I’ve got to keep both eyes on my brother, in case he tries jumping out of any more trees.”
Kili couldn’t help but chuckle in response, leaning into his brother and relaxing. That knot of emotion had finally loosened, and all the warmth and affection he had towards Fili was quickly returning.
“It’s a fact that I need you more than the barmaids,” he sighed in a mock-dramatic tone, and Fili grinned, planting a sloppy kiss on Kili’s forehead.
“Oh believe me, I know.”