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“Steve?”
She wasn't sure if he was sleeping, or just blocking her out She suspected the latter. Who could actually sleep after what they'd just been through?
“I thought you'd want to know,” she continued. “We finally had word from Tony.”
“He's alive?”
“Unless there was a delay in the communication being received.... he's on his way back to New York. He said we should head there too as soon as we can get a flight out of here.”
Steve rolled over on the bed to face her. He looked terrible, which wasn't a surprise She probably didn't look much better herself. “The others?”
She sighed. Tony had only mentioned himself, which in itself wasn't that unusual, but she knew what it meant. He'd been the only one to survive. How did she tell Steve that though? He was already devastated at the loss of those he'd been fighting alongside, especially his old friend Bucky Barnes with whom he'd only just become reacquainted.
“Natasha? What about the others? Spiderman? ….Strange?”
They made eye contact, and she knew she couldn't tell him. He was already broken. She didn't want to be the one that crushed him completely. If she didn't know him so well, she'd have sworn that he was on the edge of tears, but that wasn't something Steve did. Like her, he was highly trained and didn't let emotions get the better of him. Crying would be seen as a weakness. But as he turned away, she heard the tell tale intake of breath that meant he was fighting another losing battle, and then she realised her own eyes were stinging with un-shed tears.
“I'll leave you to get some rest,” she said, trying to pull herself together. “Things might seem a bit clearer in the morning, and we can work out how we're going to get back to New York.”
She turned and reached the doorway when she heard Steve's voice. “Don't go.” She paused, not daring to turn round. This wasn't the Steve she knew, but then she considered that the events of the last few hours would change even the hardest of men. She turned to face him again, her heart aching for the broken man she saw in front of her. Without a word, she strode over to the bed and sat on the edge.
“Rough day.”
“Understatement.”
“Yeah.”
Steve sat up, bending his knees and leaning on them, briefly touching Natasha's shoulder so that she'd turn to face him. “What do we do? How do we carry on after this?”
“I don't know. When we get back to New York, we'll find Tony, and Nick and then...” She didn't have anything else to offer and turned away, pushing back the emotions threatening to overwhelm her. There was a silence, an endless moment of quiet despair as both sank into their own feeling of failure and helplessness. This was a unfamiliar ground for both them and neither knew how to deal with it.
Natasha briefly closed her eyes then opened them, finding a moment of clarity. She didn't know where it came from, but all she knew was that the only way she was going to get through the next few hours was to connect with someone who knew what she was feeling and not let them go. She grasped Steve's hand, making him look at her and then she leaned in, kissing him firmly on the lips.
He resisted at first, which she wasn't surprised at. She knew he lacked experience; he'd once confided in her about his past, the time before he'd signed up to the US army and the project that led to the creation of 'Captain America'. Steve had only had one love in his life, one he'd never acted upon. Sometimes she forgot that for him the time that had passed had only been a couple of years, not the 70 or so that he'd been frozen in time.
She willed him to respond; either push her away and tell her this was a crazy idea, or kiss her back. Right now, any reaction would be better than none. Finally, his lips pressed against hers, forcing them apart as his tongue tentatively probed into her mouth. She let out a sigh and allowed her own tongue to tangle against his. Inexperienced he may have been, but he knew how to kiss.
It was Natasha that broke the kiss, her head spinning. She certainly hadn't planned this, and now she had no idea where this was going. Steve was moving the blanket aside, urging her to join him. The warmth of his body was soothing, the closeness of another human being making her forget her loneliness. She ached for more closeness; an intimacy she had only experienced once or twice in her life, but she couldn't ask that of Steve could she?
She pressed against his chest and his arms enveloped around her as they lay down. He was stroking her hair and breathing hard, fighting back the tears he was on the verge of shedding. She'd let him stay like this forever if it helped them get over the loss of so many of their friends.
“You have to bare with me,” he said softly. “I haven't... “
“Shh, it's okay, I understand.” She pressed her finger to his lips and smiled softly, trying to put him at ease.
“I expect you've done this a dozen times.”
Natasha closed her eyes. She'd used sex as a means to an end. Men dropped their guard in the throes of passion and told her things they wouldn't usually divulge. Being a woman had some advantages. But none of it had meant anything.
“You and Bruce. We all thought you two had something going on you know.”
“Bruce has issues.” It was all she was willing to say on that. Maybe she had once had feelings for him, but there would always be a third 'person' in that relationship and until Bruce had the Hulk under complete control he would never be able to find intimacy with someone else.
“And Tony...”
“Steve, stop it! None of that matters. Not now.” She shifted up, stroking his face and gazing into his eyes. “Just us.”
He nodded and held her hand against his face, then used his other hand to pull her into another kiss. Natasha took that as her cue to move things along, knowing Steve was unlikely to. She allowed her hand to glide down his body, her fingertips tracing over each curve of his firm muscles. She was grateful he'd already removed his suit; she knew how difficult it was to get out of her own and it would have made things very awkward. He wore plain white shorts with a vest, just as if he was about to go on a PT exercise any minute. She hesitated at his waistband, not wanting to rush too far ahead if he wasn't ready to keep up with her.
“I always wondered,” she purred. “When they gave you that serum and made your body... like this... did everything grow?”
Steve laughed. “Everything is in proportion,”
She pushed her hand into the waistband, seeking confirmation of his statement. It certainly was true, and growing larger by the second. Steve groaned his appreciation and ground himself against her tiny hand as she grasped it.
As Steve fumbled with the fastenings on Natasha's clothing, she cursed the fact that she had only partially removed her suit before coming over to check on Steve. Even the most confident of men would struggle to peel her out of this, and she broke off the connection to help him. He apologised, but she put her finger to his lips again and wrapped her body against his. Bare flesh against bare flesh felt familiar, warm, safe and both clung to each other as if they were afraid the other would disappear. It was a very real, and frightening possibility after what they had witnessed today.
And then, they held each other's gaze for a moment and an understanding passed between them. Steve rolled onto his back as Natasha straddled him, taking the lead. They fitted together perfectly, two halves of a whole – at least for a few minutes anyway. Natasha finally allowed her tears to fall, they would not be considered a weakness in this situation. Steve cupped her face and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs as he rolled and flipped them both over so that she was beneath him. He may not have slept with a woman before but he knew what felt right. He kissed her cheeks, wanting to rid her of the tears completely whilst pushing away his own.
Finally, he couldn't hold back any longer. His release was intense and left him sobbing too. They crashed together one final time, a tangle of limbs, mouths and tears that were for more than just an unexpected moment of intimacy between two people who had shared great loss.
Neither spoke as they parted and settled into an embrace. Natasha closed her eyes, wondering what her next move should be. She was used to getting the information she needed, then waiting until her target had fallen asleep before leaving. Some of them would be left sleeping forever – she hadn't earned the name 'Black Widow' for nothing. But this was different. Steve had slid a protective arm around her waist, the warmth of his breath against her neck. He was sleeping, and she knew she needed to do the same.
Tomorrow was going to be a long day.