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The first thing Michael did when they reached the relatively-safe house was check the fridge.
Behind him, he heard Sam and Fiona come in - loudly not talking to each other. True, the last thing they needed right now would be one of the neighbors starting to pay attention or, worse, filing a complaint with the police about the noise. (Worst would be a complaint about shots fired, but Michael figured that Fiona wouldn't go quite that far in expressing her displeasure. He hoped.)
They were out of yogurt.
Well. It had been that kind of day, really. He turned around. "Anyone want to explain to me what the hell just happened in there?"
Fiona huffed. "Clearly, someone didn't understand the plan."
Sam puffed. "Listen, sister, you want to get grabby with someone's boytoy, that's on you. Mess with the bull, better watch out for the horns, know what I'm saying?"
"Boytoy?" Michael asked, though it was tempting to simply let it go. Nothing good had ever come of getting in between Sam and Fiona when they got like this.
"Potato, potato." Sam shrugged. "You know me, Mikey. I'm a pro. Just because someone forgot who they were supposed to be, that doesn't mean we all had to break character. I worked with what I got."
"A pro?" Fiona scoffed. "At what? Being a sleazeball?"
Michael winced. The volume was definitely on the rise. "All right," he said, "so what I'm getting from this is: I should have been more clear on the plan and everyone's roles in it. My bad."
Fiona narrowed her eyes and considered this peace proposal.
Sam frowned.
"Now, we've all been working hard these past weeks. Maybe it's time for a break - a bit of R&R never hurt anyone." Another little white lie. The things I do to keep the peace.
Not that things would remain peaceful for long, but then, he'd known what he was getting into from the beginning. At least he was never bored, even if one of these days, he had to work out a way to get around to being able to go grocery-shopping on the regular.
"What exactly did you have in mind, Michael?" Fiona asked.
"Yeah, Mikey. Because, I mean, there's R&R and then there's R&R, know what I'm saying?"
Only about half the time, Sam, but since that's about the same amount of time you actually say what you mean, I figure we're okay.
"I'm open to any and all suggestions." It wasn't that far from the kitchen to the bedroom. The only trick lay in maintaining eye contact. "And hey, here's a crazy idea. Why don't we try having the two of you pose as a couple next time? I think you two've got some definite chemistry."
Mistake: Fiona had always been quicker than he gave her credit for. She liked guns, yes, and blowing things up, but that didn't mean she was slow to get up, close and personal with someone when she felt they deserved it.
"You're going to pay for that, Michael."
He grinned up at her a little weakly, knowing better than to appeal to Sam in these kinds of situations. "You think maybe payment can wait until we're actually in a bed?"
Sam chuckled.
Guess not. Oh well, at least everyone's happy again.