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They stay like that for a long time; Blaine just clinging, body tense, cheeks hot with tears, and Kurt breathing deeply in and out until Blaine mimics him, breathes with him.
They stand there, pressed together everywhere they can, breathing in and out, in and out together in the dim light of the loft for what feels like oceans of time.
When Kurt begins to feel Blaine’s body relax, when his fingers aren’t digging into Kurt’s back quite so hard, he moves his head and kisses the lobe of Blaine’s right ear.
Blaine inhales sharply. “Kurt-“ he whispers. “I’m not- I can’t, I know you said-“
Kurt moves lower, sucks at the skin below Blaine’s ear.
Blaine lets out the breath shakily. “Kurt, just, look at me, you can’t possibly-“
Kurt pulls his mouth away with a wet sound and takes a step back.
“I’m looking at you.” Beautiful, solid Blaine, with his bright eyes and warm smile.
Kurt wants to see that smile again.
“I’m looking at you and I like what I see, Blaine. I love you. I gave you every first I could give because you are the most loving person I have ever known.” His mouth twitches up in a smile. “Not to mention the best looking.”
Blaine snorts, crosses his arms. “Yeah, right.”
Kurt unfolds Blaine’s arms, takes both of Blaine’s hands in his own, interlacing their fingers.
“Blaine, this is us, remember? You and me. No judgement or jealousy or shame. If someone’s looking at me, if a dozen boys are looking at me, you have to remember that the only one I’m looking back at is you.”
There’s a moment of silence, and then Blaine is in his arms, Blaine is pushing forward against him and holding his face and kissing his breath away.
Kurt stumbles backward, steadies himself, cups the back of Blaine’s neck with one hand and lets his other hand fall down to Blaine’s ass.
“Bedroom?” he asks.
It’s not even really a question.
They move clumsily across the loft, mouths heated, hands everywhere, and fall onto Kurt’s bed.
This isn’t make up sex, not like last time. This is something Kurt isn’t sure they’ve ever experienced together. It’s new. Another first.
They’re both fully clothed and Blaine is beneath him, writhing helplessly, grinding up against him.
The kisses are sloppy and off center, too much tongue, too much heat and Kurt can feel Blaine’s tears when their cheeks make contact.
It’s only when Blaine’s chest heaves against his that he realizes with a shock that Blaine is still crying. Not from sadness, he doesn’t think, but from the build up of everything. The fear, the worry, the self-loathing, the insecurity, the relief, the passion.
Kurt says nothing about the tears, just keeps kissing Blaine like it’s his last day to do it.
He reaches down to undo Blaine’s pants and Blaine bucks so frantically that Kurt is reminded of when they first started doing this. Crazy in love, half-mad with lust, aching with excitement.
Blaine paws at Kurt’s back, saying desperately, “Kurt, Kurt, fuck me, god, please, I need you to, I need-“
“No,” Kurt says. “Equals, remember? I don’t want that this time. Tell me we’ll never grow apart. Show me. Make me yours.”
Blaine squeezes his eyes shut tight. “Kurt, god, are you sure, do you really want-“
Kurt lowers his mouth to Blaine’s ear and whispers, so softly that Blaine feels the words more than hears them, “I want it. You inside me, heart and body. Show me I’m yours.”
And Blaine does.