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An uneasy murmur ripples through the seated guests. Bernie grinds her teeth and clutches Serena’s hand on her thigh. From where she’s sitting she can see how uncomfortable Morven is, and the flush on Cameron’s cheekbones. Guilt swims in her belly, even though she’s not the one up there shooting passive aggressive barbs like poisoned arrows.
“We are incredibly happy to welcome Morven into our family. She is a kind, intelligent and beautiful woman, and of course another doctor! I hope she’ll take the Dunn family name and buck tradition with a certain esteemed trauma surgeon,” Marcus is now saying, his lips thinned in an unbecoming smile.
Serena tightens her grip on Bernie’s hand. It’s welcome, but it’s not like Bernie is going to stand up and deck her ex husband in the middle of her son’s wedding.
Not that she doesn’t want to.
One of Marcus’ cousins turns around to look at her, but whatever is swirling in her eyes must be quite something, because he turns back hastily.
“Easy there, soldier. It’s almost over,” Serena whispers in her ear.
Bernie nods. She breathes in and out. Marcus finishes his speech with compliments for the couple. The guests visibly relax, but then the toast comes.
“To a lifetime of happiness. To something better than I had.”
Bernie sees red, but Serena caresses her arm and she calms down and bites the inside of her cheek. Marcus downs his flute to a smattering of applause.
“Bang out of order that was,” Fletch says behind Bernie’s shoulder.
That makes her smile. Their ex-AAU table had spent the 10 minutes of Marcus’ excruciating speech whispering darkly and rolling their eyes. Bernie can still hear the pretty loud “wanker” Dom had coughed in his hand.
The rest of the reception goes much more smoothly. There’s a good DJ and an open bar, and everyone is in better spirits now that the speeches are over.
Serena draws Bernie onto the dance floor and they sway in each other’s arms. Serena is very beautiful in a navy blue dress that cinches her waist and does wonders to her cleavage. Bernie is finding it difficult to focus.
“You did very well, darling,” Serena whispers in her ear.
Bernie doesn’t know if it’s the champagne, the heat, Serena’s perfume or the relief at having gone through the day relatively unscathed, but she takes Serena’s face into her hands and kisses her softly, both still swaying to the music. They spin and Serena presses impossibly closer, until their hips bump into each other. Bernie can feel Serena’s hands on her waist, Serena’s fingers warm even through her shirt.
Bernie forgets for a minute that they are surrounded by people. She is about to slip her tongue in, decorum be damned, her brain made a little fuzzy by the softness of Serena’s lips, when she feels a tug on her jacket.
She steps back with a frown but her face clears when she looks down to see their great-niece with her hands aloft.
“Up Bunny! Up!” The little girl demands with a wide smile.
Serena laughs as Bernie grabs her and settles her on her hip.
“Marie, did you eat chocolate cake?” Serena asks as they leave the dance floor.
“Mummy said it was okay,” Marie says very quickly.
Bernie spies Greta looking at them with a small smile.
“And did Mummy tell you to wipe your face?” Serena continues, a napkin already in her hand.
Marie pauses to think and then shakes her head with a cheeky grin. Serena rolls her eyes. Bernie snorts and tries to cover it up with a cough.
“Right. Well, let’s just do it now then. Otherwise Bunny won’t give you any kisses,” Serena says mock sternly.
Marie twists in Bernie’s arms to look at her, crest fallen, and Bernie does her best to nod gravelly even though she’s two seconds away from laughing. The little girl submits to having her face cleaned and then Bernie covers her in kisses, making growling noises that have Marie squealing with laughter. Serena looks at them with happy eyes.
“Okay, Bunny needs the bathroom, down you get petal.”
Marie is getting bigger by the week, Bernie thinks with a wince at the twinge in her back. Serena offers juice as a distraction and Marie is happy to let her precious Bunny go. What started with a difficulty to pronounce “r”s has turned into a nickname that is apparently here to stay. Bernie doesn’t mind. As long as it doesn’t get back to her old unit. She would never live down Major Bunny.
The ladies’ bathroom is full of Morven and Cameron’s friends re applying lipstick and swapping heels for flats. Bernie helps with a torn zipper, but is happy to leave the stuffed room.
She’s about to re join the reception room of the country pub they rented for the weekend, when she hears shouts coming from the men’s. She stops to listen and her mouth thins.
Marcus and Cameron.
She steps closer to the shut door, ready to intervene if necessary.
“…dare you? This day isn’t about you!” She hears Cameron say, and he sounds upset and agitated.
She doesn’t make out Marcus’s answer, but it only seems to rile up Cameron further.
“Oh yeah? Well, she’s the one who pushed me back into medicine, not you! All you ever did was spoil us and poison us against her!” Cameron shouts.
Again, Bernie can’t hear Marcus’s reply, but she makes out the world “fault”. Cameron lets out a derisive laugh that used to make her crazy when he was a teen.
“It wasn’t hers either! She was gay and in denial, and you made it sound so dirty and wrong! Well, think about this, dad, did you even really love her if you didn’t even know she was gay?”
And then the door swings open. Bernie retreats behind a potted plant, out of sight. Cameron stalks out without a backwards glance. Marcus takes a few steps after him, but his shoulders are hunched and his mouth drawn in a grimace. He heads outside instead.
Bernie’s heart is pounding in her chest. A conflicting mix of emotions swirls inside her. Pride at some of the things Cameron said. But also sadness and that ever present twinge of guilt.
She can see Cameron in Morven’s arms, surrounded by their friends. So she follows Marcus.
He’s staring into the darkness, in the middle of the lawn, sounds of the reception echoing around the gardens. She walks towards him carefully so as not to spook him. He only grunts when he realises it’s her.
“For what it’s worth, Marcus, I know you did love me,” she says quietly.
Marcus doesn’t reply and after a few seconds Bernie realises it’s because he’s crying. She wraps an arm around his shoulders.
“I am sorry for the hurt I caused. Please believe me when I say I wanted it to work between us. You are, and have always been, an excellent father,” Bernie continues softly.
“I shouldn’t have…the speech. I’m sorry, Bern. For everything. I was so…so angry. I felt like our whole marriage had been a lie,” Marcus says between gulps of breath.
“It wasn’t. I did love you. Just, maybe not quite the way you wanted me to,” Bernie replies.
“All these years. You must have felt so trapped, I…”
Marcus is crying again.
“No, no. A little out of place, maybe. But never trapped. You were caring, and kind, Marcus,” Bernie promises.
She’s telling the truth. There was always a niggle at the back of her mind that something wasn’t quite right. That all those love songs and all those movies and books were exaggerating, surely. But until Alex kissed her one starry night, she had been relatively happy. Bored, maybe, but Bernie wasn’t going to share that with Marcus.
“Come on, let’s go back. It’s Cameron’s big day. Have a drink. Dance a little. You two will be fine,” Bernie says firmly.
She steers him back inside, plonks him next to his sister and leaves them to it. He looks a bit better.
Serena is dancing with Morven, who is radiant and flushed with pleasure.
The pub is heaving with happy guests. Cameron has a pint in hand and he’s dancing with Marie, Jason and Charlotte, the group break out in fits of laughter every time Marie copies a dance move. The four year-old has surprisingly good coordination.
Bernie’s musings are interrupted when she feels Serena’s arms around her waist. She leans back in the embrace and smiles.
It’s 2 am and Marie is asleep in Serena’s arms. Bunny might be a firm favourite but nothing beats Serena’s lap for a nap. The party is winding down. Cameron and Morven are saying good bye to family and friends by the exit.
Bernie is tired but still a little keyed up from all the emotions of the day, so she smiles gratefully when Serena stands up.
“All right, let’s put this one to bed,” Serena whispers.
Bernie nods, puts a hand on Serena’s lower back. She sees Marcus hugging Cameron on his way out and she feels lighter.
Jason takes Marie and they all head out to the hotel down the road. The night is warm and there’s a general air of euphoria. Everyone is a little buzzed. Bernie and Serena walk hand in hand, and their little group sing silly songs until they reach the entrance and the receptionist shushes them.
“But I got married today!” Morven protests, a little tipsy.
Cameron laughs and bundles her upstairs to happy jeers.
Serena is the picture of propriety as they walk to their room, their steps muffled by the red carpet in the hallway. Bernie opens their door, her hands a little shaky because Serena is so beautiful and she’s pressed against her back.
As soon as the door closes behind them, Serena pushes Bernie against the wall and kisses her slowly, her hands in Bernie’s hair. They are flush against one and another, one of Serena’s legs between Bernie’s.
The low thrum of desire that has been building up all day comes roaring out and Bernie can’t help the gasps that Serena swallows eagerly in feverish kisses.
Bernie’s jacket ends up on the floor.
Serena leads her to their bed and makes her sit at the edge. They are both out of breath, and Serena’s lipstick has almost gone. Bernie can guess where it is now.
“You looked so beautiful today,” Serena says with dark eyes.
Bernie flushes, pleased. She’d fretted that the tailored grey suit was too non-traditional, but the look in Serena’s eyes when she’d tried it on had assuaged her fears.
Serena steps between Bernie’s knees and leans down to kiss her, her tongue swiping at Bernie’s bottom lip. She puts her hands on Bernie’s shoulders and slowly sinks to her knees. Bernie’s heart stutters.
Every shirt button that comes undone is rewarded with a kiss. Bernie is panting by the time Serena reaches her belly. She puts her weight on her hands and arches her back to get closer to Serena’s mouth. She hears a low chuckle and her thigh muscles clench at the sound.
Serena leans back on her heels to admire her handiwork. The blush creeping up her neck shows how pleased she is, and she slowly opens the lapels of the shirt. Bernie shrugs it off, mesmerized by the desire in Serena’s eyes.
Serena balances herself on Bernie’s thighs and reaches around Bernie’s torso to undo Bernie’s bra. It only takes a flick of the wrist and they both laugh. Bernie wants to praise Serena’s skills, but she moans instead when Serena lowers her head and uses the flat of her tongue to lick her nipples.
Bernie closes her eyes and concentrates on not coming in under two seconds. Serena is taking her time tonight, her mouth gentle until it isn’t anymore.
All she can do is whimper and gasp and try not to hold onto Serena’s hair too tightly. She looks down in time to see Serena unbutton her trousers.
“Up, darling,” Serena all but drawls.
Bernie lifts her hips, kicks off her shoes, tries to scoot to the middle of the bed, but Serena slips her arms under Bernie’s thighs and effectively pins her down.
“All right?” Serena asks.
Bernie nods so fast her head almost falls off. Serena laughs again, the sound rich, and it curls into Bernie’s belly, feeding the flames already there.
Serena is still on her knees between Bernie’s legs and it is perhaps the most erotic thing Bernie has ever seen. Serena’s eyes glitter in the moonlight and her hair is mussed and her skin glows.
Serena doesn’t bother to remove Bernie’s underwear and just sets it aside. At the first touch of Serena’s tongue Bernie falls back into the bed and grabs Serena’s hair, her mouth opened into a silent scream.
Serena is always loving and intent on giving Bernie all the pleasure she can handle and more, but tonight she is especially focused, particularly insistent and Bernie almost passes out when she adds fingers to her tongue.
It only takes a glance down, a simple look to find Serena staring right back, eyes black as the night but so full of love, and a groan tears its way out of her throat and she comes, limbs shaking and her vision blurry.
When Bernie raises her head, Serena is chucking her heels off. She watches as Serena crawls next to her and envelops her in a tight embrace, their legs intertwined.
“I love you,” Serena breathes in Bernie’s neck.
Bernie tightens her arms and breathes in the smell of Serena’s shampoo and the expensive lotion she puts on after she showers. It’s a smell she has come to associate with home and it never fails to make her heart soar.
“I love you, too,” she replies.
And that’s what all the love songs are about. All the movies, all the books. That heady feeling, the one that quickens the beat of her heart every time she sees Serena, that’s what it is all about.
Serena snuggles into her.
“What a wonderful day. Cameron and Morven looked so happy,” Serena says.
Bernie hums her assent, body languid and satisfied.
“And I’m glad you had a chat with Marcus. It was a long time coming.”
Bernie nods, her fingers playing with Serena’s hair. She doesn’t want to talk about Marcus, not when Serena is in her arms and practically vibrating with need. She flips them over in a well practised move, smiling at Serena’s breathless laughter.
The dress ends up on the floor.
The lingerie stays on.
The good weather from the previous day stays with them for the outdoor picnic on the Sunday. Children run around the blankets on the grass, shrieking with delight.
Serena is at the buffet gathering supplies. She is pleasantly sore and finds herself smiling at everything and everyone, including and especially at Marcus’s cousin. The buffoon. He blushes.
She steps into the sunshine and is about to join Jason when Cameron comes up to her. He looks tired but happy.
“Serena, look,” he says with a tilt of his head.
Serena turns and sees Bernie and Marcus standing next to each other. It looks civil.
“Do you think they’ll ever be friends?” Cameron asks after a few seconds of observation.
Serena tears her eyes away from Bernie’s fine form. The skinny jeans are still a weakness.
“I hope so. It started off like that after all,” she replies.
“Maybe they should have stayed just friends.”
Serena looks at Cameron, curious. There’s no animosity in his eyes, but the resentment is there, in his voice.
“Your mother would do it all again in a flash, if it meant having you and Charlotte,” she says firmly.
Cameron obviously doesn’t understand. He looks frustrated.
“But that’s so sad,” he says softly.
Serena puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.
“Is it? That’s her whole life you’re talking about. And it’s lead her to now, and she’s happy,” Serena says, willing him to get it.
There’s a generational gap. Maybe one day Bernie will tell him about shame and expectations. Will tell him about all the things she has told Serena, tears in her eyes. But not today.
“You make her happy,” Cameron says with a smile.
Serena ducks her head and accepts the compliment. A warm feeling blooms in her chest.
“Yes, but more importantly she’s allowed herself to feel happy. And that’s rather wonderful,” she says fondly, her eyes back on Bernie.
They both stand in the warm sun. Cameron slips an arm around Serena’s waist and they watch as Bernie and Marcus talk a little awkwardly.
Bernie looks up, her eyes narrow because of the sun, sees them, and offers a wide smile. She is beautiful.
Serena smiles back.