Chapter Text
Rey sighed, pulling her comforter up over her head and rolling over to face the wall, thoroughly exhausted with how the remainder of her morning had gone.
Rey’s first stop was to Luke, who shrugged it off and told her to please, just communicate next time. She didn’t miss the gleam in his eye, the hint of a smirk as it went unsaid between them that she had spent the night with his nephew. If he had an opinion about what she had done last night, he kept it to himself. Just as she left the room, he praised her work on the photoshoot.
Next up were her roommates. Paige had been sobbing, worried to the point of near anemia at Rey’s unknown fate. Jessika swooped in immediately and ribbed at Rey for finally losing her virginity and admitted to being jealous that Rey had been the one to bed their sexy photographer. Paige followed that up with shouting at her for going to someone’s apartment alone and insisting that they take Rey to a clinic to be sure she hadn’t contracted some sort of STD. Jessika just wanted every dirty detail, giving her an endless stream of hypotheticals and watching Rey’s face for a response.
Finally, after she refused both Paige and Jessika enough times, Rey made her way over to Finn’s apartment. She nearly crashed into him in the hall, trailing behind his roommates on their way to the gym. It was the first time in years that Rey had felt uncomfortable in his presence, her heart aching as she missed the usual comfort and warmth that he brought her. His eyes were cold as he looked down at her.
“Please, Finn,” Rey whispered.
Finn’s jaw twitched but he looked over her head, catching the eyes of his roommates. “Yo, go ahead without me. I’ll catch up.”
Rey heard them grumbled and chuckle, muttering something under their breaths as they shuffled into the elevator. She was glad she couldn’t hear them, she didn’t need anyone else’s judgement. She’d made her decision and she stood behind it. Her only concern right now was repairing any damage that that choice may have caused.
Finn unlocked his apartment, holding the door open for Rey patiently as she slipped inside. The boy’s apartment was the same as hers: tiny kitchen, tiny living room, way too tiny bedroom with bunkbeds, and a far too small bathroom to have to share. It looked like she might imagine a dorm room to look like with a beat-up couch, a thread bared armchair, and two lumpy old beanbags. But there was a brand new flat screen TV with both a PS4 and Xbox One connected to it, controllers strewn on top of pizza boxes and take out containers on their coffee table, older systems tucked underneath the entertainment unit, no dust in sight as the boys frequently changed it up. Rey found herself unintentionally comparing the haphazard space to Kylo’s sleek, in control apartment.
Rey settled herself on the couch, carefully plucking away someone’s t-shirt and laying it on the floor. She watched as Finn moved around the coffee table and sat himself at the other end, his posture too stiff, his gaze darting everywhere but at her. Sighing, Rey scooted forward and grabbed his hands between hers.
“Finn, stop. This is me, Rey. We’re just going to talk,” Rey attempted to soothe.
Finn pulled his hands away, settling them back on his bouncing thighs.
“Fine. What do you want to say?” Finn asked, his tone harsh.
Rey winced. “Finn, please, stop. Why can’t you just talk to me like you normally do? Yesterday we were fine and today…now…”
“Yeah, well, yesterday was different,” Finn ground out.
Rey glared at him. She could only be sweet and tender for so long until her own temper came out. “Are you seriously going to act like I’m a different person now? Are you that immature? Just because I made a decision about what to do with my body doesn’t mean I’m any different than who I was yesterday! I’m still Rey, I’m still your friend! Maker, Finn, you are acting like such an arse!”
“No, Rey, the asshole is the person who you spent the night with last night! Who you—fuck, Rey! And I’m just Finn, your stupid friend who was worried about you! Well excuse me for caring!” Finn spat at her.
“Stop it, Finn! Stop talking like we both don’t know where this is heading! Just say it and get it over it!” Rey shouted.
“I love you! Is that what you want to hear, Rey? Did you want to hear about how I’ve loved you since I first met you and how I’ve spent the last three fucking years trying to be kind and gentle with you because I know how rough your childhood was and I wanted you to feel safe and comfortable before I tried to admit my feelings? And here comes this rich and famous asshole, treating you like I never would, and yet you fall into bed with him? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have any idea how much that breaks my fucking heart? To know that I would have loved you and worshipped you and treated you right, but you went ahead and gave yourself to a fucker who just considers you another notch on his bedpost, another model who went and fucked a photographer!”
Rey never thought she would slap Finn, but here she was, standing above him, handing shaking as it fell back to her side. She hated that she hoped his face stung as much as her hand.
Finn flexed his jaw, giving it a few good rolls before shaking his head and sighing.
“I deserved that,” Finn grumbled. He finally looked up at her, deep brown eyes gentle. “I’m sorry, Rey. That was really out of line and I—I was just speaking from a place of hurt.” He gave another sigh, another quick shake of his head. “I really do love you, you know. And not just in a you’re-my-best-friend sort of way, but in a genuine, I’d-do-anything-for-you way.”
Rey deflated, reaching out to gingerly touch the spot she had slapped. She pulled away when he hissed at the contact and instead cupped his other cheek.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. I mean, I did like you a lot, once. But I was so certain that you’d never like me like that, so I just sort of let it die,” Rey admitted.
Finn reached up to cover her hand with his, pressing into her soft skin. “I don’t suppose we can just reverse time and get back there, can we?”
Rey grimaced. “Oh, Finn, I—I just…"
Finn let his hand fall, allowing her to retract as well. He looked away from her, focusing on the wall to his side rather than her face.
“I watched him all weekend, looking at you. At first, I brushed it off, and after I watched him talking to Jess at lunch I figured he was interested in her and I was mistaken. But I kept noticing it, that he was following you with his eyes everywhere you walked. And the look he had in them…it was hard, Rey. I didn’t like the feeling it gave me.” He looked at her now, sincerity ringing in his expression. “I thought it was just a stupid crush, but when I saw him looking at you like he wanted you, I realized how badly I wanted you, too. And when we did our shoot together, when he threw you on that bed and I saw how you looked back up at him...” Finn sighed. “You’re not mine, Rey, you’ve never been anyone’s. But I just—I didn’t want you to be his.”
“So, you Googled him at first chance?” Rey asked. There wasn’t a lot of malice in her tone, but it wasn’t exactly kind.
“Can you blame me? Someone rich and famous abducts my girl, of course I’m going to Google him,” Finn argued.
“I asked him about all of that stuff and he told me the truth. He told me why he went to rehab and about the restraining order,” Rey snapped back.
“I’m sure he gave you the rosiest version of the stories. Who wouldn’t, when they’re trying to fuck someone?” Finn spat, lip curled in disgust.
“If you have to know, there were a lot of decidedly not rosy details to those stories,” Rey replied hotly. “However, he gave me honest truths and I believe him. And besides, that came…after.”
Finn stood up, storming into his kitchen. Rey followed.
“Finn, please, we need to get over this so that we can get back to being friends,” Rey insisted.
Finn opened his fridge and pulled out a beer. She wanted to argue that it was too early to drink, that he was supposed to go work out and drinking would only hinder that, but she knew it wasn’t going to work. Some distant part of her mind helpfully supplied that Luke probably wasn’t going to give him too much grief for missing his scheduled work out. Luke knew too much. It could be annoying.
“Rey, I’m not going to lie to you. It’s going to take me a while to get over this, if ever. I wasn’t kidding when I said that I love you. I do. A lot. I may have thought that I’d just let it simmer until you were ready, but this just made me realize how serious I really was about you. How serious I am,” Finn said, turning and staring down at her. “I’m heartbroken by this but I’m not giving up.”
Rey turned away from his intense gaze, hackles raised as she crossed her arms over her breasts.
“Have you forgotten that it is my choice who I choose?” Rey asked crossly.
Finn shrugged. “I’m not the giving up type. You loved me once, you could very well love me again.”
Rey groaned, rolling her eyes. “See, there it is again! That macho attitude that I can’t stand! Damnit Finn, this isn’t who you are.”
“Well apparently I have to act like a bit of an asshole to get you to like me. I never thought it was true about good girls going for bad boys, but if that’s what it takes to win you back, then I’ll do it,” Finn argued back.
Rey scoffed at him, trying to decide if he was joking or not. There was no way that her sweet, caring Finn was really this utter prick standing before her.
“Fuck, Finn, I’m not some prize to be won!” Rey snapped. She stormed out of his apartment and into her own, throwing herself onto her bed and pulling her comforter up over her head.
This was exhausting. She had run the gambit of too many emotions this morning and she needed a nap to help get her through the rest of it. Dinner with Kylo seemed way too far away and she groaned, wishing it could just be now so she could escape from all of this.
“Rey?”
Rey rolled back halfway and lifted her covers for a moment. Paige was standing in their doorway.
“Can I come in?” Paige asked.
Rey rolled back over and tugged the comforter harder over her head.
“No. All I did was mess everything up,” came Rey’s muffled response.
Rey felt a weight on her bed and she stiffened. It wasn’t like Paige to be assertive. Usually she would back away and wait until the other person opened up again.
“We were worried sick about you. Rose texted me around ten and asked if I’d heard from you. She said she was supposed to get a text when you got here safely, and she was concerned when you hadn’t. She told us who gave you a ride and I told Jess and Luke. We didn’t tell Finn. We…we knew, Rey. We all knew how head over heels he was for you,” Paige began.
“Yeah, thanks for telling me,” Rey muttered. She sighed and pulled the covers back for a bit, only her eyes exposed so she could shoot Paige a mock glare. She knew it wasn’t Paige’s fault, so she really couldn’t direct too much anger at her.
Paige smiled kindly at her. “It seemed like something you guys would eventually work out on your own. You were always getting booked for gigs together, we were certain that eventually you’d have to get a bit sexual and feelings would get exposed.” Paige laughed. “I mean, that is exactly what happened, just not how we thought.”
Rey groaned.
“Finn found out because Poe couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. Poe was only too happy to spew every bit of dirt he had on Kylo, plus how he had tried to get you to ride with him but apparently Kylo practically threw you into his car and sped off, instead,” Paige said.
“That’s not true!” Rey cried, throwing the comforter down further so that she could sit up. “Poe’s car was full so Kylo offered me a ride instead. I mean, Kylo was sort of a pushy jerk about it, but Poe was also being weirdly pushy, so neither of them should get to point a finger!”
“Poe’s known Kylo for years so he knows what he’s like better than any of us. He knows all about Kylo’s dating history and he didn’t want you getting tossed into that,” Paige pointed out.
“What are you talking about?” Rey pressed.
“He has a reputation, Rey. He only dates models.” Paige turned and gestured to the collage on Rey’s wall, pointing out the section of Kylo’s pictures. “He’s been involved with this one, that one, her, these two, that one, and him.”
Rey looked at the models Paige had pointed out, realizing that she had indicated to nearly half of those depicted on her wall. They were all gorgeous, and so high fashion it burned her with jealousy. Some were blondes, some were brunettes, and one of the girls even had that rose gold hair that was so popular right now. They were in a league far above Rey and she wondered why, why in the world he had wanted her.
“Why do you think I wanted you to go to a clinic? I’m not saying anything about any of these people, I’m sure everyone here is respectful of their bodies and whatnot, but I want to know that you were safe.” Paige noticed the way Rey avoided her eyes and she furrowed her brow. “You were safe, weren’t you?”
“You know I’m on birth control,” Rey said quietly, looking down at her hands. All the girls were. It helped to be able to skip your period if you had a swimsuit shoot come up suddenly, plus it helped keep their skin clear.
Paige sighed heavily, shaking her head. “You’re an adult, Rey, and I can’t tell you what to do with your life or your body. But now is as good of a time as any to remind you that one, no form of birth control except for abstinence is 100% effective, and two, it isn’t the wisest thing to just blindly trust a guy you barely know that he’s clean. Again, I’m not making any assumptions about Kylo Ren. He’s a very rich man, I’m sure he is in excellent health and he cares very much about maintaining that. I’m more speaking in general.”
Rey nodded, looking down at her hands in her lap.
“Hey, I’m not trying to shame you here. I know you and I know that you weren’t coerced into anything you didn’t want. Actually, I’m fairly certain that it was you who jumped him and not the other way around. You’re a take charge type of girl, I’ve always admired that about you. I’m just here to be your neighborhood mom friend who reminds you that protection is great and there is nothing better than peace of mind from getting tested, even if you are positive you have nothing to worry about,” Paige said with a bright smile.
Rey sighed, leaning over and into Paige’s shoulder. “I screwed everything up with Finn. He’s sitting over there, drinking and spewing misogynistic bullshit, talking about how I’ll come back to him and whatever else.”
Paige turned so that she could hug Rey to her chest, giving her hair a gently petting. “He’s bound to act like a pissbaby for a while. He probably felt entitled to your virginity, which is hilarious because we all know he isn’t one anymore and isn’t that an awful double standard? But he’s always viewed you as his, even if you didn’t view him as yours, so in his brain, everything he’s doing is justified.” Paige shrugged. “But the best part about all of this is that he’ll get over it. We’re young, our brains are still developing, and hormones make us confused. He’ll eventually realize that his affection for you was probably only so deep because you’ve known each other for so long and it’s easy to become attached to someone you’re so familiar with. That, or you really are the love of his life and he’s going to go crazy and attempt to like murder Kylo or something.”
“Paige!” Rey giggled, giving her friend a slap in the arm.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Or maybe I’m not? Only time will tell, that’s for sure. In the meantime, don’t let anyone shame you for what happened. Did you have fun?” Paige asked.
Rey blushed, burying her face into Paige’s neck to hide as she mumbled out a “yes”.
“Do you regret it? And don’t say yes just because the fallout hasn’t been pretty!”
Rey shook her head vigorously.
“Good. Then Jess and I will focus on forcing Finn to get over himself and things will eventually get back to rights. We have go sees tomorrow and Luke said something about contracts for another campaign so one or more of us are probably off somewhere again really soon,” Paige revealed.
“I have a date with Kylo again tonight,” Rey muttered into the hollow of Paige’s collar.
“You what? Rey Niima, you did not say that before!” Paige squealed, practically shoving Rey away from her. “Jess, get in here! He asked her out, tonight!”
Jessika wasted absolutely zero time charging into their room. “You’re shitting me! What the fuck, Rey? Is your pussy magic or something? I thought guys hated virgins!”
“Maker, Jess, watch your fucking mouth!” Paige scowled.
Rey drew her comforter up again, trying to hide her giggle behind it as Jessika and Paige argued. Jessika moved like a whirlwind around their tiny bedroom, throwing outfit ideas on Rey’s bed, not caring whose section of the closet they came out of. Paige was right behind her, shoving the more revealing stuff right back in and insisting that Rey go for classy. Jessika pointed out that he already saw all the good stuff and that it was best to keep reminding him of what he could have again. Paige shot back that being coy was better, especially after they’d already done it.
At least this part of her life was still normal.