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Caitlin learned very quickly that when you worked at Star Labs, it was naive to count on a normal work schedule (nine to five hours made Caitlin laugh) , normal circumstances (hello, metahumans), or normal employment procedures (Caitlin didn’t want to even think about how Barry declared their taxes). Some days nothing happens, and Caitlin gets to sip on coffee while she, Harry and Iris track Cisco, Barry and Ralph’s training until it’s five pm, and Cisco just breaches them all home like a personal efficient chauffeur.
Other times, they’re in the middle of a crisis and everything is hectic and Caitlin’s trying to create another new experimental antidote/antiserum/antibiotic whatnot under crazy time crunches in order to save someone’s life.
And then there are times, like this morning, when Caitlin ever the early riser opens Star Labs at five am to do some personal research to find a distress call she has to answer.
Some armed idiot believed it would be easier to rob a bank before the tellers were even awake to run it then shot at police when he tripped the silent alarm.
There was no time or point to wake up Team Flash, Caitlin reasoned, pulling her hair into a ponytail before promptly jamming herself in the arm with an adrenaline inducing needle she had lying around the Med Bay. Central City needed her—Um, Killer Frost.
Killer Frost had everything under control.
And then Killer Frost walked (read glides and slipped) into the crime scene to find out much too late that the amateur robber was in fact another power-dampening meta from another earth who was bullet proof, and Killer Frost no longer had things quite so much in control anymore and she was Caitlin Snow again.
Caitlin was unequipped for this. But that was okay, it was fine, she just had to reach into her pocket to set off her distress signal from her phone while she tried to stay alive.
“Oh so you’re Killer Frost,” the robber sneered, grabbing her arm, and causing her to drop her phone onto the bank’s marbled floor, but thankfully she pressed the button. She jutted her elbow into his ribs stubbornly, causing him to jostle, swearing and train his gun on her. “I was going to have all these guys hostage,” he said, pointing to the police officers surrendered on the floor. “But I think you’d cost a pretty penny more. I’m sure there’s a lot of criminals who’d love to have at you, huh? I know the Killer Frost on our Earth sure did.”
Caitlin gulped, “That’s counterproductive,” she began, trying to distract him. “Why would you do that? Nobody would believe that I’m Killer Frost. You couldn’t even prove it.”
“Sure I can,” The robber said, “You just did that ice thing into here, do it again for them.”
“How? You took away my powers. I can’t do anything.”
Caitlin would laugh at his dumbfounded expression if she didn’t still have a gun pointed at her.
“Well damn,” The robber said, sounding confused. “You’re not wrong.”
“Exactly,” she reasoned, “So maybe you should let me go and just take the money you were after in the first place.”
The robber nodded thoughtfully, “Aight,” he said, dropping her, and lowering his weapon. “Thanks for the tip, this is my first robbery on another earth.”
“You don’t say.”
The robber, who Caitlin is now dubbing in her head as Twiddle Damper Dumb turns around and heads to the safe just in time for Cisco to fall out of a breach.
“Killer Frost what’s— Uh?” Vibe stumbled, shocked to see Caitlin standing there, miming at him to shut up.
“Shh!” She exclaimed, only after the robber turned the corner into the safe room. “You’re stuck here now, he has a power dampening power.”
Cisco nodded, grimly as the robber turned the corner into the safe room. “Why’s all of the police just watching us talk?”
“He’s armed and bulletproof too.”
Cisco frowned, “That ain’t good.”
Caitlin hesitated, thinking about her sharp elbow jab.
“Maybe it is, I have the sneaking suspicion he’s not indestructible,” she whispered. She bit her lower lip, contemplating. “It’ll be about time the meta realizes he has no way of opening the safe.” An idea dawned on her, “I’ll be back,” she said grabbing a heavy binder from the teller counter before running after Damper Dumb, ignoring Cisco’s and the police’s protests.
“Hey,” Caitlin said, cautiously, at the Damper Dumb's bent figure over the safe. “Having trouble?”
The robber turned around and Caitlin acted fast, hitting the robber hard on the head with the binder, causing him to shout out in surprise and triggering the gun to go off as he fell.
Caitlin distantly hears Cisco screaming, and the footfall of several as she ducks, narrowly missing the bullet and makes quick work of securing the power inhibiting handcuffs around Twiddle Damper Dumb’s slack wrists.
Huh. She was right. Sometimes bulletproof means jack on a good blow to the head.
Vibe nearly trips over a police officer in his haste to get to her, wide eyed and frantic.
“He’s down,” she says, “I’m fine.”
Cisco took her arm and breached them back to Star Labs, without a word.
She turned around pleased that she did it, as Caitlin without any help she defeated a metahuman and uh oh .
Cisco was pissed .
“Holy shit ,” he cried, pacing, yanking his goggles and jacket off and throwing them onto the floor.
His costumes and gadgets were his babies, to see him toss them to the floor...
Cisco was beyond pissed.
“Holy shit! Caitlin, what the fuck? ”
Caitlin’s smile fell off her face. “I—”
“Why didn’t you wake any of us up?” Cisco demanded. “You were here early working on your paper for the Central City Scientific, right?”
Caitlin nodded, meekly. “Okay, so you were sitting here, saw the alarm go off, and decided to just go off on your own? You didn’t even take Ralph? He lives in the goddamned basement!”
“You were all asleep, I thought it seemed simple.” Caitlin tried, getting defensive. Caitlin was still proud considering the circumstances, sue her. She wasn’t expecting it to be her doing this at all. It was supposed to be Killer Frost. “What does it matter, I caught Twiddle Damper Dumb!”
Cisco spun on his heel, and shot her a murderous look. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
“You caught him?” Cisco repeated, “What does it matter? We don’t ever go out in the field alone. Ever. That should be obvious by now because it’s irrational and insane .”
What happened to the Cisco who would high five her for that awesome villain name?
“Cisco calm down, it wasn’t that bad.”
“The gun went off,” Cisco said. “I thought he shot you, when you didn’t have your powers. Oh my fucking god Caitlin. I thought you were dying on the floor with no way to save you, it wasn’t so bad?”
“You don't understand," Caitlin huffed.
"No, you don't understand," Cisco retorted firmly, grabbing hold of her wrist when she tried to walk away.
Caitlin looked down at where his hand was on her in surprise, her eyes slowly working their way up to his. The way his throat bobbed as he swallowed, the furious expression on his face.
He's never been this mad at her. He's never been forceful before. She had to take a deep breath through her nose to not become too irritated, the last thing she needed right now was an actual visit from Killer Frost.
"I watched you die, Caitlin."
She took a step back, but his grasp on her led him being tugged closer to her, and he used that to place his other hand on her face, so she had no choice but to look right at him, at his dark eyes full of intensity and swarming with— with something else.
Caitlin's heart hammered in her chest.
The last time a man touched her like this, put his hands on her and looked at her intimately, scarily, was Solomon, holding her captive on another Earth. The memory made her shudder still.
This was different.
This was Cisco. Her stomach wasn't swooping with fear, when his hands were on her, but something completely else. Something flaring and hot, twisting her insides, blowing her eyes back wide.
"Last year, I watched you die," he repeated, "I stood there, in that room," he said, pointing to the Med Bay just four feet away, "desperately trying to to pump air into your airways while Julian did shitty chest compressions, as I felt your heartbeat peter out beneath my own shaking hands."
That took Caitlin completely off guard. She tried to argue, to say something about not being dead, but the words died on her tongue when she saw tears brimming, the grief so plainly written on his face. It left her startled, how blunt and graphic his description was, it made her feel uneasily defenseless. She wanted to leave, turn her back and walk away from the conversation, to walk away from Cisco, but Caitlin Snow had never done that either. Couldn’t even if she tried, her feet rooted into the ground, stuck as her thoughts drowned out by a roaring sensation of hot consuming her.
Cisco continued on, "And I knew I could've saved you, but I didn't do it. I didn't do it because you told me not to, and I would've lived with that pain for the rest of my life Caitlin, without you, because you asked me to. But that meant a life without you, and I was sobbing because, how could I do that, to allow that, and live without the person I love the most in this world?"
Cisco's chest was heaving now, eyes wild, searching for something in her face, but Caitlin stared back wordlessly, stunned.
“Caitlin.”
"That's guilt," she found herself saying, a weak last ditch effort, looking downwards, refusing to meet his eyes.
Cisco laughed, a little hysterically, causing Caitlin to glance back up at him alarmed.
"No," he said, sobered up and put his hand on her face again. "No, Cait, that's love."
His touch was scorching her skin. And it made her want to, she wanted—
And that's when, her brain caught up with her body.
Hunger. Passion. She wanted him. That's what this burning sensation is, not some metahuman fever. It left her paralyzed, unable to do anything but come afire and burn under his touch.
Caitlin felt herself blushing, how could she have never known?
"So screw me," said Cisco, snapping Caitlin's thoughts back to the argument, "for losing my shit when you do something dangerous that could get you seriously hurt. Yeah, I must be a real dick," he said with another humourless laugh, "to be terrified of losing you again."
Cisco let go of her, and turned around, pressing his palms to his eyes, forcing himself to finally calm down a little.
And Caitlin wanted his hands back on her, gripping her wrist, holding her face.
"Cisco," she said, lowly, needing.
"What?" He sighed, sounding tired and defeated. It was, not even seven in the morning, after all.
"Look at me," she commanded, "You love Cynthia," she tried to reason, but it came out as a question.
"I liked Cynthia, a lot," he admitted, "I love you, though. You. Before Cindy ever showed up. I broke up with her a while ago."
Caitlin shook her head, refusing to believe the quelling hope whispering ridiculous notions in the back of her head. "Of course you love me Cisco, I mean, we're a family, you say it all the time. You love me and Barry. Why would you ruin your relationship with Gypsy because of that?"
He smiled wryly, "If I loved Barry the way I love you, Iris wouldn't be very happy."
Caitlin felt lightheaded. She needed to sit down. She walked to her office chair, painfully aware of his eyes on her back, and sank down into the leather. She closed her eyes and took another big breath. When she opened them, Cisco hadn't moved, still giving her the most indecipherable, intense look. Caitlin felt naked under it. It gave her thrills.
"You're serious." She said at last.
"Of course."
Since when? She wanted to ask, but was too nervous of the answer.
"I..."
And here's the catch.
Caitlin Snow, way before Killer Frost was ever a thing, was cold. Not just cold, but, off-kilter, awkward, totally frozen off from her own emotions. Caitlin never dated in high school, college, or med school. The number of friends she had never surpassed a quick count with one hand. She was closed off and introverted, spending more time with her books than with people, resulting in some unfortunate anti-sociableness.
She was a kind person, always, since forever. But since the death of her father, beginning with her mother became more distant, one by one Caitlin froze off people from getting close to her. It worked, for some time, until Ronnie, when it was all so easy.
He was the sun, and when he was gone, she was eclipsed again.
And maybe, she suddenly may be understanding why Killer Frost exists.
But she also, now realizes, why Killer Frost could never manage to stay.
Cisco.
It was always just as easy with him.
His face softened, and he held his hand out, "C'mon, I'll show you."
But Caitlin shook her head, "I don't need you to show me. Just promise to stay."
Cisco squeezed her hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss, eyes still locked with hers. "As long as I live Caitlin Snow, for as long as you'll have me."
The rush of emotion overwhelmed her, and she grappled for purchase against his shoulders, yanking him close.
"That might be forever," she warned him, voice quivering.
Caitlin didn’t have to look to know Cisco's smile was blinding, "Okay."
Caitlin placed his hands on her waist, hers around his neck. "Please," she sighed, and Cisco knew what she was asking.
When he kissed her, slow and tender, Caitlin was pulled into an unexpected vibe. It thrummed between them like a projector in an old-school movie theatre.
A montage of their lives through Cisco’s blue tinged lenses. Warm and fuzzy and full of adoration. She could see the longing seeping into his gaze, the softness in his touch, how truthful he was, in his declaration, that she was the one he loved the most, in this world, in all worlds.
Caitlin's breath hitched as she broke away from Cisco. His eyes still closed as he hummed contentedly and sated.
"Oh," she said gently. Realization dawning on her, It was suddenly so obvious, so simple and clear as crystal.
Caitlin always knew she loved Cisco. He was her best friend.
He was so much more than her best friend.
Cisco kissed the slope of her neck, up towards her cheek and lips again.
"Oh," she said again, giddy.
"Oh?" Cisco murmured, breath hot against her skin. "You saw that?"
She nodded, and framed his face in her hands.
"I love you," she said, awed.
"Does that scare you?" Cisco asked, boldly.
And that's when she realized, Killer Frost was never truly going to emerge, because she wasn't needed. Caitlin Snow can do things on her own. Her heart was bursting with warmth and light, she could not feel anything cold at all.
Caitlin smiled, excitement bubbling in her veins, taking her by surprise as she suppressed the urge to burst into giggles, feeling ecstatic.
"No."