Chapter Text
“I hate that I know you well enough to know that you’re not joking.”
It’s Levi’s voice, and – unsurprisingly – he doesn’t sound impressed. Clutching tighter to the rake in his hands, Eren peers around the corner of the stable, to find Erwin and Levi glaring at each other. Levi looks painfully beautiful, as always, and Eren’s about to step back, and give them their privacy –
“There’s nothing for it, Levi. Eren’s going to need someone to stay with.”
And that’s – Eren can’t breathe, suddenly. A freak accident had brought down a tree straight through his window, not even twelve hours ago, and his room’s more than a bit of a disaster; but he’d assumed he’d be sleeping on one of the couches, or something, until the damage was repaired.
“Why me?”
“Because you’re the only one who doesn’t regularly have company.”
“Oh, aren’t you just a ball of wit today.”
“I’m serious. Besides, aren’t you the one who’s supposed to watch out for him?”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t. Now, seeing as the boy’s right over there –” Eren jerks out of sight and presses himself against the stable wall, a blush flaming down his cheeks when he realizes how stupid that must have looked. “– Why don’t you two go discuss who gets the first bath in the morning?”
Eren can very well imagine the glare that Erwin gets for that one, and he holds his rake a bit tighter and makes himself stand still until Levi walks around the corner, his feet barely making a sound. For a moment, Levi just stares at him, looking a bit like he’s just seen someone step on a kitten.
“Eavesdropping, then?”
“I – heard my name –”
“Of course you did. Well, come on. If you’re staying with me, we’re laying out some ground rules.”
“I – right. Of course –”
But Levi’s already leaving, and Eren hurries to keep up, clutching tight to the rake. They’ve fought together for months now, but Levi’s still just as inscrutable as he’s always been; and there is absolutely no cause for Eren to be feeling the way he’s feeling. The last thing Levi would want would be some seventeen-year-old kid crushing on him like the smitten fool that Eren so definitely is.
- - -
“You stay on your side. I am not above making you sleep on the floor if you kick.”
“I –”
“Your room should be fixed in about a week. I trust you won’t make my life difficult until then.”
“N-no, sir. I –”
“And lose the ‘sir’ when it’s just us here. You’re making me feel like some lecherous old man luring some helpless kid into my bed.”
“I’m far from helpless, sir – Levi.”
It’s – the exact opposite of what he wanted to come out of his mouth, and he slaps his hands over said mouth. For a moment, Levi just stares at him, as emotionless as ever; and then his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, and Eren drops his hands and takes a deep breath. Tries to keep his voice steady.
“I just mean – you all of people know I’m not – I mean, I do turn into a giant monster, after all.”
“You’re not a monster. And you can put your things in the trunk in the corner.”
Eren’s so busy tripping over the first part that he almost misses the second part, and by the time he’s finished gaping, Levi’s already moved to sit down as his desk, and is no longer looking at him. For a desperate second, Eren teeters there – and then something warm and comforting and all-together lovely seems to spread out through his chest, and he can’t stop a grin as he picks up his bag again. Realizes he’s still smiling a bit even by the time he’s done putting everything away, and turns back to find Levi staring at him from where he’s sitting at the desk. It’s enough to make Eren stop smiling – is horribly sure that he blushes, instead, even as the warmth in his chest blooms a bit brighter – and then Levi waves his hand in a way that seems to encompass the room.
“Do whatever you want until you’re tired. Read. Write. Draw. Stare out the window. I don't care. Just don't be noisy.”
“Yes, s-sir – Levi.”
“Is ‘sir Levi’ going to become a thing, then?”
“I – right. I’ll do my best to just go with one.”
“You’re a smart boy. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“You think?”
And – god. It’s like he’s completely lost control of his mouth, tonight. Probably something to do with the fact that he’s in Levi’s bedroom, and that Levi looks painfully good by torchlight. There’s nothing but the candles on his desk and the few torches on the wall, and Eren’s fingers are suddenly aching with how badly he’d like to touch, even as Levi scowls a bit harder at him.
“Stop fishing for compliments.”
“I –” wasn’t. “Sorry. I’ll just – I think I’m going to turn in, actually. Tired.”
“Suit yourself.”
Levi’s already gone back to looking at the papers in front of him, and Eren – realizes, suddenly, that he’s still in his clothes from the day. Clothes that he cleaned the stables in. Wavers horribly – but he can clearly imagine what Levi would have to say about him dirtying the sheets. Pushes down a painful flush as he turns and goes back to the trunk, keeping his back to Levi as he slides out of his shirt and pants, and pulls on clean ones. Pushes the dirty things up against the wall – hopefully out of the way, but he doesn’t want to put them in the chest with his clean stuff – and then turns back around to find Levi not looking at him. Of course he isn’t. Why would he be? Eren’s suddenly aching a bit inside, and he quickly slides in under the covers and takes a deep breath and –
Oh, that was a mistake. The sheets smell like Levi. Somehow, stupidly, it’s enough to make tears prick at his eyes; and Eren quickly presses his face into the pillow and pulls the blankets up around him. Maybe it’s safe to say that he’s got more than a crush, then. And he really can’t think of a worse punishment for that than the situation he’s in right at this very moment.
- - -
When Eren wakes up again, the first thing he registers is surprise that he even managed to fall asleep at all. The second is that there’s still one torch burning on the wall, and that the building is completely quiet around them, and that Levi is a warm line pressed all up along the side of his body.
It takes everything Eren has to bite back a whimper. Closes his eyes again and just holds on tight to the blanket. In the quiet room, even the sound of Levi’s soft breathing is loud, and Eren can feel the touch of him all along his side like a burn, and – this is so unfair. This is so colossally unfair, and –
Levi makes a noise that sounds pained, and Eren goes very, very still. Waits a moment, and then – carefully – turns onto his other side, so he can look at Levi. Levi, who’s frowning even harder in sleep than he normally does when he’s awake, as though he’s in the midst of some horrible nightmare; and Eren doesn’t know whether to feel awful for him, or whether to be scared that Levi will kick his ass if he ever finds out that Eren’s seen him like – and then another pained little whine drives away anything but concern, and Eren takes a deep breath. Notices that Levi is sweating a little, even, the pale skin of his face damp in the torchlight; and his body has tightened up, and – there’s another whine, Levi’s lips pressing together; and Eren clearly has a death wish, because he puts a hand on his shoulder. Can’t just lie here and watch this happen without doing anything. Barely bites back a yelp when Levi’s hand snaps down around his wrist before his eyes are even fully open – and then Levi’s staring at him, his eyes gone wide, for once, in the dim light; and Eren swallows hard and hopes Levi’s not going to rearrange all the bones in his wrist.
“What are you doing.”
It sounds like he’s about a second away from throwing punches, and Eren takes another deep breath. Doesn’t dare to try to move his wrist. Tries to breathe through the way his chest has gone tight.
“Y-you were – having a nightmare.”
And – he doesn’t know what he’d expected, but it’s not for Levi to stare at him, and then – remove his hand, freeing Eren’s aching wrist, as his eyes drop down somewhere around Eren’s chest, and his expression pinches into something that, on anyone else, Eren would call it insecure. It’s so unexpected it hurts, and Eren has no idea what to say as Levi doesn’t look at him.
“If you wish to sleep elsewhere, I’m sure –”
“Is there anything I can do?” He barely recognizes his own voice – Levi, vulnerable; it’s like watching the rain fall up instead of down – and his words waver a bit when Levi still doesn’t look at him. “To – help. Some kind of sleeping aid I could prepare, maybe?”
“I dislike anything that may affect my concentration.”
“I –”
“And if you tell anyone about this –”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Good. See that it stays that way.”
Levi’s still not looking at him, though, and his shoulders are hunched in like someone’s been hitting him, and Eren – is definitely in over his head, here. Wants, suddenly, for Erwin to step in and take over. He’s pretty sure that, of everyone in the world, Erwin’s probably the only one even remotely equipped to deal with this – Eren certainly isn’t. Lies back down against the pillow, even as Levi stays stiff beside him; and Eren stares at the lines of his face for a moment longer before he closes his eyes and barely gets the words out. Maybe he really does have a death wish.
“If you need me, I’m here.”
It sounds like a cannon shot in the silent room, and Eren expects a scathing reminder of how Levi doesn’t need anyone, and certainly not him; but there’s nothing for a painful while, until Levi lies back down, not quite touching him but not that far away, either; and Eren squeezes his eyes tight shut, holds on to the blankets, and knows that he’s not falling asleep any time soon.
- - -
When Eren wakes up, Levi’s standing beside the wooden bathtub in the corner.
There’s a towel around his waist, and his back is to Eren, long and lean and so very pale. There are scars down the length of him, and his wet hair is dripping down his shoulders, and Eren flushes straight up his entire body, shaky and hot and he feels so young and stupid, suddenly – doesn’t realize he’s made a noise until Levi turns around. Stands there gorgeous and inscrutable as always, as Eren stops breathing; and then a hand falls to a line of silver across Levi’s stomach.
“I guess you’ll never have these.”
His scars. He thinks Eren’s staring because – Eren unclenches his hands from the blankets. Still can’t quite manage to speak, but Levi’s already moving, crossing the room to a wardrobe; and Eren won’t survive watching Levi lose the towel and get dressed. Hides in the blankets until there are footsteps beside the bed, and he looks up to find Levi glaring down at him, fully dressed.
“You know where to find fresh water, if you want. Meet me at the stables in an hour.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You’re in my bed. Drop the –”
“R-right. I’ll try.”
“See that you do.”
Levi looks just as he always done – cravat in place, perfect clothes, not a speck of grunge, and that perpetual scowl back on his face – and Eren wants to reach out and mess him up. Watches as Levi turns and leaves; and then Eren drops his face back into the pillow and pulls in a groan that fills his nose with the scent of Levi’s bed – because obviously the situation wasn’t cruel enough already.
- - -
The day passes like any other. Levi gives directions, Eren follows them. Levi’s gone on another cleaning spree, which means that everyone has been roped into doing the same; and Eren, thankfully, gets to spend some time with Mikasa and Armin, cleaning one of the dungeons. It’s a nice distraction from the image behind his eyes, of Levi tossing and turning on the sheets, mussed up and hurting and far-too-human, for once; but it’s a reprieve that can’t last. Eventually, once the day is done and the dishes from dinner have been cleaned away and everyone is settling in for the night, he has to wander back to Levi’s room, which is – empty. Cold and dark and empty; and Eren lights one of the torches and then goes to sit at the window ledge. Changes into his night clothes and then takes one of Levi’s books with him – it’s a book on fighting technique, sitting on the edge of the desk; and he hesitates only for a moment before picking it up – and curls up on the large window-ledge, the torch beside him giving him just enough light to read by.
Still, Levi doesn’t come back, as the building goes completely quiet and the stars come out; and Eren props himself better against the wall and concentrates on keeping his eyes open. He doesn`t think Levi would let Eren kick him out of his own bedroom – he’s pretty sure the only one who can make Levi do anything is Erwin – but he’d rather stay awake and be completely sure.
- - -
When he wakes up, he’s under the blankets, and there’s a single torch burning. Beside him, Levi is sliding in under the covers – it’s the movement that woke him – and Eren goes hot inside as he realizes what’s happened. Taps into years of practice at pushing away that unpleasant burn of embarrassment.
“Did you carry me?”
Levi goes still, for a moment, and then makes a scoffing noise as he lies down the rest of the way, not touching Eren anywhere as he does so. Pulls the blanket up and lies with his back to Eren.
“Go to sleep, brat.”
It doesn’t sound as harsh as it normally does, though, and Eren doesn’t fight the smile. Breathes through the ache in his stomach, and closes his eyes, fighting the way every inch of him is aching to move closer.
- - -
This time, he gets punched in the face.
He’s upright and hitting back before he realizes what’s happened. Misses Levi’s head by inches, and then reels away and spits out blood. Loses a tooth again, even. Winces through it and scrambles back as Levi lashes out again, silent, fist making contact with Eren’s shoulder, pain blooming as he hits the floor, hard. Scrambles back up as Levi’s fist nearly makes contact with the headboard – and Levi’s going to kill him, after this, but Eren can’t care. This can’t continue.
At any other time, he’s sure that Levi could put him on the floor in seconds. Has, in fact, many times before. But Levi’s asleep, and Eren’s not. Which is the only reason for why he manages to end up sprawled on top with Levi’s wrists pinned above him; and Eren lets the full weight of his body down, trying to keep Levi from throwing him off, and – god. He’s never seen a nightmare like this.
“Wake up, wake up, Levi – Levi, it’s me, you’re going to hurt yourself, let me – wake up, wake –”
When Levi’s eyes finally snap open, Eren realizes that they’re both shaking. Can’t seem to move. Levi looks – not frightened, not quite. But – shaken. Truly shaken. And it feels worse than being punched. Enough that it takes Eren a second to remember that he can move – and then he scrambles off. Kneels on the bed and spits out more blood. The sheets are already ruined. Wraps his arms around himself and waits for what to do next. Can’t stop a flinch when Levi touches his arm, and – Levi looks upset, but that’s insane. He’s done much worse to Eren during their practices.
“It’s – nothing, I’m – I’m fine. I –”
“The fact that you will heal does not make this ‘fine’.”
Levi’s voice sounds like it’s been put through a shredder, and Eren can’t look at him anymore. Feels himself flush as Levi’s fingers trace the edge of his cheek. Digs his own fingers into the mattress underneath him. Wants, suddenly, to be someone Levi can come to, when he needs a friend. When he needs to not be perfect. Wants to be someone Levi can be vulnerable with.
“Does this happen often?”
He barely gets it out, as Levi kneels there and keeps a hand on his face; and then the hand drops away, and Eren barely has time to be disappointed before Levi’s sliding to his feet, not looking at him.
“There are clean sheets in –”
“Levi.”
He’s prying. And he’s probably going to get punched in the face again. But it’s late and he wants to be more than just the kid Levi has to watch out for. Wants – doesn’t want Levi to hurt like this.
“Some nights are worse than others.”
Levi’s still not looking at him, and his white top is stained with Eren’s blood, and he’s gathered up the blankets like he’s about to pull them all of – and Eren doesn’t know what to do, anymore. Helps Levi change the bed in silence, until – that’s definitely a tooth hitting the floor, tumbling out of the blankets; and Eren runs his tongue over where the gap has already been filled. Looks up to find Levi looking as close to freaked out as he ever gets; and Eren surprises himself with the wave of protectiveness. Levi has never seemed like someone who needed protecting from anything.
“It’s fine. Already healed.”
“That’s not the –”
“Does it help, ever? Sharing a bed with someone?”
“You’re changing the –”
“If me being here might help, even a bit, I want to stay.”
Because Eren knows what’s coming. Levi’s going to go to Erwin, tomorrow, and demand a different sleeping situation. And maybe Eren’s more of a masochist than he thought, or maybe he needs to be here, to take care of Levi. The way Levi’s taken care of him. Either way, as he picks up the tooth from the floor and throws it in the garbage, he knows he really doesn’t want to leave.
“That’s not your decision.”
“But –”
“Let’s get this cleaned up. We still have a few hours until dawn.”
Eren doesn’t argue. Helps Levi strip the bed without either of them really looking at each other, and then Eren puts down new sheets while Levi starts to strip out of his bloodied clothes. Keeps his back to Levi as he wipes the blood off his face and changes out of his own clothes, finding something else suitable for bed – and then turns to find Levi in his full uniform, cravat and all. It’s like being punched in the stomach.
“But –”
“Go back to sleep.”
“I – it’s your bed, I –”
“Enough, Eren.”
And Eren knows that voice. That’s the captain speaking, more than anything; and he grinds his teeth together as he sits down on the side of the bed, flinching when the door shuts behind him.
- - -
Eren doesn’t sleep.
He spends the next few hours staring at the ceiling, the night crawling by, until he finally gets up and goes to fetch some warm water, though the bath he takes does nothing to calm him down. It’s still far too early – nobody is awake – and he ends up taking Levi’s book and going to sit under a tree in the courtyard. The sun’s just barely coming up, and the grass is damp, and everything’s foggy – but he can’t concentrate on the book, or the beauty around him. Ends up leaning against the tree and scowling down at the dirt until he hears footsteps, and looks up to find Levi watching him. For a moment, they stare at each other; and then Levi comes over to lean against the tree beside him, and it takes everything Eren has to not move closer. Clutches tight to the book and doesn’t know what to say.
“I’ll talk to Erwin once he wakes up.”
Levi sounds just as put-together as he always does – sounds like not a single thing has changed between them – and it makes something twist in Eren’s stomach. Makes him hold the book a bit tighter, even as Levi walks away again, leaving Eren standing alone under the tree, feeling cold inside.
- - -
The day drags on like some of the worst days in his early military training. Mikasa and Armin, unfortunately, are somewhere else, which leaves Eren with nothing but his own thoughts – until he gets matched up with Sasha for stable duty, which helps a bit. It’s a distraction, even if her normally-welcome enthusiasm is a bit much for him; and it’s only when the day’s over and the dinner dishes have been cleared away that Eren realizes he has no idea where’s meant to be sleeping. Turns his feet towards Levi’s room – his things are still there, anyway – and opens the door to find Levi glaring out the window. Hesitates, then closes it, even as Levi turns to direct that glare at him.
“I could think of no feasible reason to convince Erwin to get you out of here. I’d either come across as unbalanced, or like I’m having trouble keeping my hands to myself.”
The very thought is enough to make Eren’s entire body burn, the words cool and calm from Levi’s mouth, and – god. He doesn’t dare say anything. Sets Levi’s book down on the desk and – notices, then, the bed that’s been made up on the concrete floor. It won’t be comfortable, but it’ll do. Doesn’t look at Levi as he moves to stand beside it – at least he’s not going to have to worry about getting Levi’s sheets grungy – and then looks up when Levi makes a noise that sounds almost pained.
“The floor is for me, you idiot.”
“But – this is your room. I can’t –”
“What you can and can’t do is –”
“No, but – this is – this is ridiculous, this –” And Levi looks like he wants to punch him, now, but he’s already knocked out a tooth today, so maybe Eren can get away with this. “You can’t hurt me. Alright? And I certainly won’t sleep if you’re sleeping on the concrete floor, and – you take such good care of me, Levi, all the damn time, and – can’t I want to do something for you, too?”
And that’s – way too much honesty, and Eren’s heart is beating hard enough to hurt. He’s glad he set the book down, because his hands are sweaty, and he’d probably drop it. In front of him, Levi’s only reaction is to stare at him, as emotionless as he always strives for – and then his eyebrows knit together.
“You’re an odd individual.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Don’t get cheeky.”
“But –”
“Yes, it’s a yes. If only because I don’t fancy you sulking at me all night.”
“I would, too.”
“I’m well aware. Now get your ass into that bed and shut up so I can at least try to sleep.”
There’s maybe something fond underneath the growl, and Eren bites down a grin as he starts picking up the bedding from the floor. Three days ago, the idea of sharing a bed with Levi had been a special kind of torment; and now here is he, volunteering – though maybe it’s not so surprising. If Levi will let Eren do something nice for him – if he’ll let Eren stop him from trying to punch holes in the walls, at least – then it’s an opportunity that Eren’s not going to waste.
- - -
Levi doesn’t wake up all night, and he doesn’t punch Eren in the face again. It’s only when the sun’s coming up that they both crack their eyes open, and Eren doesn’t know what it is – doesn’t know if it’s a fluke, or if it’s the result of Levi knowingly bunking with someone who can handle the nightmares – but he knows he must be smirking when Levi rolls over under the blankets and fixes him with a glare that looks less than impressed.
“Don’t get smug.”
“Me?”
“Oh, hell. Please tell me you’re not thinking of degenerating into a sarcastic little shit.”
“That would be your influence, I think.”
“Alright, it’s far too early for this. Get up. Go do productive things.”
“Yes, sir.”
He grins his way through saying it, as much as he can manage while only half-awake; and when Levi just fixes him with a glare and then puts his face back into the pillow, Eren just grins a bit harder.
“First bath is yours. I want thirty more minutes of rest. If you’re noisy, it will end badly for you.”
It’s the perfect set-up for a quip about Levi’s charming personality, but Eren’s pretty sure he’s gotten away with enough sarcasm for one morning. Doesn’t even know where this sudden playfulness is coming from. Whatever the case, he just grins a bit harder and slides out of bed, though he has a moment of desperately hoping that Levi will sleep through him taking a bath. The last thing Eren needs is to have to put all his effort into not drowning before he’s even had breakfast.
- - -
It’s a good day.
Eren doesn’t knock himself out and drown in the bathtub, largely because Levi doesn’t even get out of bed until Eren is dressed. It gives Eren the excuse to run off before Levi starts taking his clothes off, and Eren ends up making breakfast with Armin and Mikasa, just in time for everyone to start filing into the kitchen. Both the morning and the afternoon are spent on sparring – Levi’s nowhere to be seen, but Mikasa is more than capable of leading the class – and by the time Eren’s back in Levi’s room, he feels better then he has in a long time. Doesn’t realize he’s humming to himself until Levi looks up from his paperwork and gives him a look that promises certain death unless he stops; and Eren bites down on a grin, and decides to keep working his way through Levi’s book. Curls up cross-legged on the bed and wishes for pen and paper to take notes with. Armin was always the best, of the three of them, at simply reading things and remembering them. Sits there and reads until the pages are starting to go all fuzzy, and then sets the book on the floor and slides in under the covers, letting the soft scratch of Levi’s pen lure him off to sleep.
- - -
Eren wakes up with Levi outright whimpering next to his ear.
It’s enough to jolt him awake, but Levi’s not throwing punches, at least – his arms are wrapped around himself, and he’s shaking so hard Eren can feel it – and Eren spares a moment to be grateful that Levi always leaves a torch burning. Grateful that he’s able to see a bit. Reaches out and carefully puts a hand on Levi’s shoulder – but Levi doesn’t grab him. Doesn’t wake up. Doesn’t react at all – and the wave of unease tastes bitter in Eren’s mouth as he shakes him with both hands. Shakes him a bit harder when he gets no reaction, and – Eren doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t want to startle him too badly – and then Levi makes the most horrible sound Eren has ever heard from him, flinching and curling in on himself like he’s been hit – and Eren must have completely lost his sense of sanity, because he’s wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in close. Has to do something.
It’s awkward – Levi’s body is ramrod stiff, and Eren gets an arm over him with no problem, but sliding the other underneath him is trickier – but Levi doesn’t react, just lies there and shakes; and Eren closes his eyes and holds on as tight as he dares. Slowly moves in closer until Levi’s face is pressed against his shoulder, his own arms still wrapped around himself within the cradle of Eren’s arms; and he still doesn’t wake up. Which is probably a good thing for Eren – Levi might well start throwing punches on purpose, when he finds them like this – but definitely not a good thing for Levi; and Eren ends up stroking a hand up and down Levi’s back. Is pretty sure he can feel almost every knob of Levi’s spine. Let’s his mouth go and starts talking about anything that comes to mind, trying to keep the waver out of his voice; until Levi slowly, gradually, stops shaking against him, his body losing some of its tension and his breath coming more steadily against his shoulder. Eren can feel, though, the second that Levi wakes up – because he goes ramrod stiff again, and Eren stops talking and doesn’t dare to move. Closes his eyes and prepares to be knocked out of the bed and onto the floor.
“I dreamed that Leonhart won.”
It’s barely audible – sounds ragged, like Levi’s been yelling – and Eren blinks back the tears and tightens his grip, pulls Levi in a bit closer, only then realizing what a bad idea that is – but Levi lets him. Doesn’t try to move away. Presses his face into Eren’s shoulder and just lets Eren hold him, their hearts slamming together between them; and Eren’s not sure how long they lie there, and he knows that Levi’s never going to forgive him for Eren seeing him like this – but Eren can’t worry about that now. Closes his eyes and doesn’t dare to move, hoping desperately that Levi might fall back asleep – but as the minutes slowly slide past, silently, Levi gets tenser and tenser until Eren takes the hint and pulls back – and that’s not nearly enough room between them. Levi is inches away, and he looks – well. Some mixture of exhausted and shaken and absolutely fucking furious – whether with himself, or with Eren – and Eren nearly trips over the words.
“S-sorry, you j-just – I couldn’t wake y-you, and –”
Levi cuts him off with a shake of his head. Drops his eyes down to somewhere around Eren’s shoulder, and then places his head back on the pillow, still so close Eren can nearly feel him breathing.
“Go back to sleep.”
“But – are you –”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“I – r-right. Okay.”
He trips over the few simple syllables, because he has no idea how this is happening. Levi’s not kicking him out. Is still lying far too close, his arms gone back around himself; and Eren turns onto his stomach – gets as comfortable as he can, since he knows he won’t be sleeping any time soon – and closes his eyes, knowing that he won’t survive watching Levi from this close up, and –
“Thank you.”
He barely hears it, but there’s no mistaking it, and – Eren swallows, hard, as his chest goes all tight and something swoops low and hot in his stomach. Knows to not make a big deal of this, even if he suddenly feels like it’s flying, a little bit. Waits until he’s pretty sure his voice won’t shake.
“You’re welcome.”
Levi doesn’t make any other kind of response, but Eren doesn’t need one. Simply keeps his eyes shut and concentrates on the places where their bodies are almost touching, the heat seeping into his skin and his heart beating too hard; and somehow he’s pretty sure he feels safer than he has in years.
- - -
When Eren wakes up, Levi’s already gone.
There’s no sign of him all throughout the day, either – and then one of the repair crew informs Eren that his room is ready, and he feels cold and shaky inside when he goes to Levi’s room at the end of the day. There’s no sign of Levi, still; and Eren debates just taking his things and leaving, because there’s probably no excuse for him to be here anymore – but he can’t do it. Instead, stretches out on his stomach on the bed – because, at the very least, he wants to thank Levi for giving him somewhere to stay. Ends up lying with his face in the blanket, and just barely manages not to doze off. Props his chin up on his arm and swallows hard as Levi enters the room, closing the door and giving him the blankest expression Eren has seen from him in days.
“Your room is ready.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you here?”
Not the slightest glimmer of warmth. Nothing to hint at the last four days. In fact, Levi hasn’t looked at him like that in a long, long time; and it takes Eren a few seconds before he’s able to get up and start moving his things from the trunk into his bag. Finishes the job with shaking hands, and turns back around to find Levi already seated at the desk, paperwork in front of him – and the emotion that sweeps through him is more anger than anything else. Makes him want to break something.
“Will that be all, sir?”
Distantly, he’s proud of himself – he sounds just as cold as the man sitting in front of him – and he hopes that Levi can’t see the way his knees have gone shaky. For a moment, Levi stares at him, and Eren feels the space between them like one of the oceans that Armin is always dreaming about – and then it’s like a crack splits down Levi’s expression, and it’s enough to deflate the anger as quickly as it had come, because – maybe Eren isn’t the only one who’s lost here.
“I – apologize. I – you’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m the one acting like a child.”
And that’s – that’s so unprecedented that Eren has no idea what to say. Can’t do anything as Levi gets to his feet, still so much space in between them. For a moment, they just watch each other – and maybe Eren actually is brave in ways other than killing titans, because he sets his bag down.
“In that case, why not let me stay a few more nights.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“That just makes it sound so much worse.”
“If anyone asks, we can just tell them I get nightmares and don’t want to sleep alone.”
For a moment, he’s not sure whether Levi’s going to laugh – unlikely, given that he’s never even seen the man smile – or punch him in the face; and then his face does something that looks as closed to amused as Eren’s ever seen him get, and Eren can’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot.
“You really are becoming a little shit.”
“Maybe I had a good teacher.”
“Try it outside this room, and I’ll knock you on your ass so hard you won’t heal for days.”
“Duly noted, sir.”
He’s still grinning, though, and Levi gives him a rather unimpressed look before he sits down and makes an obvious show of going back to his paperwork; and Eren breathes through the wave of contentment as he drops his bag by the bed. He won’t unpack it just yet – doesn’t want to push his luck – but he yanks out his sketchpad, at least, and lays down on the bed, his chest aching in a way that feels good.
- - -
They have two undisturbed nights, and then a night where all it takes is a hand on Levi’s shoulder to wake him up – and then three nights in a row where Levi sleeps all the way through; and while Eren doubts the dark smudges under Levi’s eyes will ever completely leave, he’d be blind to not notice the way Levi wakes up less and less ornery with every passing morning. It’s amazing to watch, really; and it’s worth every time that Eren has to look away while Levi’s changing or bathing. Worth every time that Eren wakes up with Levi snuggled close enough to make Eren ache all over. Worth the ridiculous way that Eren eventually starts sneaking into the public washroom while everyone’s at lunch, hiding away in one of the stalls and doing his best to not think about Levi while he gets himself off. It’s nothing glamorous – nor is it particularly relaxing, given that he can’t get a damn spot on his clothes – but it’s all he’s got. And if hiding away like he’s discovering masturbation for the first time is the price to pay for sleeping next to Levi and getting to see his adorable bedhead when he wakes up, then Eren is more than willing to pay it.
Amazingly, too, an extra chair appears by the end of the week, along with a cleared-off corner of the desk for Eren to work at – something that Levi brushes off like it’s nothing, but that makes Eren feel like he’s flying. His belongings all end up back in the trunk, too; and he finishes the book on fighting techniques, and then starts working his way through the rest of Levi’s collection. And then there’s a night where they both end up lying on the bed, awake, Eren with a book and Levi with a sketchpad; and as Eren lies there and tries not to spy on the weapon that Levi is sketching, he knows by the pained tightness in his chest that he should be trying to stop himself from just falling harder and harder – but he just can’t help himself. Doesn’t know if he’d stop if he even could.
- - -
Eren wakes up with Levi’s mouth pressed against his neck.
It’s like someone’s dumped oil into his veins and lit him up from the inside.
He’s lying on his back, and Levi’s slid partially on top of him, with an arm across his chest. For a terrifying few moments, he can’t breathe. Then, Levi moves – drags his mouth across Eren’s skin, damp and soft and gorgeous, but Levi is still sleeping, and – Eren whimpers. Puts his hands on Levi to push him away – but Levi’s already jerking back. Wide-eyed and flushed, his mouth hanging open. Staring at Eren like he’s the most horrifying thing he’s ever seen.
“S-sorry.”
Eren doesn’t know why he’s apologizing. Doesn’t think it was his fault. Has to say something. Levi just stares, and then sucks in a sharp breath, looking almost frozen in place.
“Don’t. I’m the one who –”
“It’s alright. I didn’t m-mind, you didn’t do anything I didn’t –”
Stops. I didn’t mind. Closes his eyes and waits to be thrown out on his ass. Thinks, distantly, that this feels a bit like when you miss a step on the stairs, and everything comes crashing down.
“I am your superior officer. I am twice your age. This is something that you really should mind.”
And Levi – doesn’t sound like himself. Sounds rattled. It’s enough to make Eren get his eyes open. Levi’s still flushed, and he hasn’t moved off Eren yet – and then his eyes drop down to Eren’s mouth, and Eren can’t stop the shudder, and Levi shakes his head again and jerks his eyes back up.
“You need to leave.”
“What if I d-don’t want to?”
“Eren.”
Eren puts a hand on Levi’s chest, against the soft material of his nightshirt, and flushes even worse at Levi's sharp little inhale. Levi’s looking at him like he wants him - looking at him like Eren's someone worth being stared at - and Eren can feel himself shaking, his heart slamming so hard it hurts - and then Levi grabs his wrist, only to let him go again and get to his feet, feeling like he takes all the warmth and part of Eren’s heart with him.
“You’re going back to your room. Tonight.”
“Levi –”
“We can’t do this. We’re not doing this. Get up, get your stuff, and get the fuck out.”
It’s always been a little scary, how lethal-sounding Levi can get; and Eren doesn’t much like having it directed at him. Stares up at the sudden mask of Levi’s face, and then slides out of the bed and gathers his things as quickly as he can. Scoops up his books and sketchpads and clothes from the trunk, before going to his corner of the desk and fumbling for anything he’d left there. Shoves all of it into his bag, while Levi just stands beside the bed, no longer looking at him; and Eren slings his bag over his shoulder, blinks hard against the burn behind his eyes, and walks out on legs that barely hold him.