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Umi sat on her bed, knees pulled up close to her chest, chin resting on them. She was curled up, partially for the warmth, partially to comfort herself. As the snow fell softly outside her window, she felt... lonely. Not just normally loneliness- When she had the closest idol group in Japan, she was never truly lonely- But lonely in a heart-seeping way. The party continued on downstairs without her, laughter and music permeating even the thick walls of her room.
She knew she was acting childish, immaturely, and she scolded herself immensely every time the thought crossed her mind. But yet, she didn’t move, simply watching the snow gather into piles on her street.
Umi tried to think back to why she so badly didn’t want to leave and analyze where she had gone wrong. She was at a Christmas Eve party, held at her new place in Akihabara. It was a bit away from some of the others, but it was the biggest house any of the ex-Muse had and therefore the best to hold the party. The street and house alike were lit up beautifully- reds and greens and whites reflecting across the surface of the fresh snow, Christmas music ringing out of nearly every home. If she had been feeling better, Umi probably would have been secretly reveling in the beauty of it all.
But she wasn’t. She had been at the start of the night, hiding her immense excitement with a faux-stern act when the girls started to show up. But now, a couple minutes before midnight hit and Christmas was official, she was sitting in her room, feeling lonely.
Self-pity is unnecessary and useless, Umi scolded herself. And then stayed where she was. She couldn’t help but self pity, as she thought of black hair and red eyes, and a kiss she wouldn’t get. Right as she was condemning herself to never leave her room again, a gentle knock sounded on her door.
“A-ah, please come in,” Umi said as she was shook out of her thoughts. The door opened slowly, and a certain blonde slipped into her room. Closing the door behind her, Eli stood, smiling softly down at Umi. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’ve been gone for a while. I thought checking up on you might be good.”
Umi blushed lightly, turning her head to the side. “O-oh, thank you for the concern, Eli. I’m… I’m okay.” She said quickly. “Just needed a break from the party. Honoka’s voice was beginning to grate on me.”
Eli laughed, before sitting down on the bed next to her friend. “Right now, she’s actually pretty silent. Kotori gave her a few cups of sake, so she’s already out like a light.”
Umi couldn’t help the smile that graced her face. “Never did hold liquor well. Why did Kotori give in to her whining?”
“To save the rest of us from dealing with it,” Eli said with another laugh. “She’s tough when it comes to her complaining, but she’s also pretty smart. Knew we all couldn't take it for much longer.” Eli couldn’t help the slightly love-struck smile that graced her face, and Umi felt both warmth and loneliness looking at it.
“I am glad you two are still happy together,” Umi managed to say after a slight hesitation.
Eli nodded. “Believe me, I am too. Life with her… I know we seem unusual, but she just fills so many spots in my life perfectly.” Laying down, the older girl stared up at Umi. “Being sappy, I might even say she’s my one.”
Umi swallowed, remembering the person she thought was her ‘one’. “I am… very glad to hear that.”
Eli turned her head slightly, raising an eyebrow but saying nothing. After a minute of silence, she finally piped up again.
“You could just talk to her, you know.”
Umi let out an incomprehensible noise, turning red. “I- I- Talk to who? I don’t know what you mean,” she stammered out, not meeting Eli’s eyes.
“Nico. I know how you feel about her, you’re very bad at hiding it,” At Eli’s words, Umi turned a brighter shade of red, but her next words were cut off by Eli continuing, “and don’t try to deny it, I know you too well.”
Finally, Umi let out the breath she was holding, and her shoulders slumped. “Y-yes, I do have… Feelings, for Nico. But there is nothing to talk to her about! She does not need to be burdened with the knowledge-”
Umi was cut off as Eli sat up sharply. “Don’t say that, I’m serious.” Her eyes and posture became hard as she stared at the other girl. “You can’t make assumptions like that, especially about other people’s feelings. You know this, we’ve been over this. So why are you trying?”
Somehow, Umi’s shoulders fell even more, and her head drooped. “Sorry, you’re right. I just didn’t… I don’t, want…” She struggled with the words.
Eli shook her head, dropping the sternness, and going back to a softer look. “I know what you mean. You’re afraid of ruining things between you, aren’t you?” Umi couldn’t do anything but nod. “You know, before I asked Kotori out, I felt the same way.” This startled the blue-haired girl.
“You did? Why would you be?”
Eli smiled, shaking her head. “You understand- No matter what we’ve been through, you’re always going to have that fear. She and I were getting so close at the time, but I had no idea if she felt the same way. I could have potentially made what we had between us awkward, and I couldn’t stand the thought. So I stayed silent.”
Umi thought about her words for a bit. “What finally convinced you to…?” She started.
“Nozomi came over, threw a single tarot card at me, and left.” She laughed at the memory, staring fondly into the distance. “The Lovers- A pretty obvious sign I needed to act. So I did. And sure enough…” She thought back to her girlfriend downstairs, smile growing wider. “Sure enough, I’m one of the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Umi looked away. “I… I am honestly very happy for you two. You deserve this happiness.”
Eli grabbed one of Umi’s hands suddenly, forcing her to look at her. “So do you, no matter what you say. You don’t deserve to sit alone on Christmas Eve just because you’re afraid, either.”
“I- I’m not afraid!” Umi said indignantly, looking away, “I just…” Her shoulders dropped once more. “I really do l-love her, you know. She’s such a bright star, and always positive, and I… I can never keep up. I could never compete.” Eli could feel the love in Umi’s words, and it hurt her.
Finally, still gripping Umi’s hand, she pulled her up. Giving her no time to say anything, Eli pulled her out of the room, heading towards the stairs. “E-Eli! What are you doing!?” Umi asked, mortified as she began to struggle.
“Talking things out like this never works with you, so I’m taking immediate action,” Eli said, smiling as she pulled the helpless girl downstairs. Umi was still stuttering as they rounded the corner into the kitchen. To Umi’s shock, only one girl sat inside, staring out the window- The girl who she had been attempting to avoid all night.
As the two entered the kitchen, Nico turned her head to look, and her eyes widened. She quickly stood up, going red. “T-there’s no need to force her to talk to me, you know!” She said angrily, but also with embarrassment. Her words gave Umi pause, confusing her.
“I love dealing with hopeless idiots on Christmas Eve, I really do!” Eli said sarcastically, pushing Umi into the kitchen. “You two can say whatever you’d like to me, later, after you talk to each other. I’ll see you later!” She called, closing the kitchen door behind her as she presumably walked away.
There was a rather awkward silence between the two girls as the stood in the kitchen, not making eye contact. “You can leave, you don’t have to talk to me,” Nico finally huffed out after a long silence.
Umi was at a loss for words, staring at the girl like a deer in the headlights. As she stared, she couldn’t help but feel her face heat up. Nico was just as beautiful as always, pigtails decorated with faux-holly and reindeer antlers on her head. She wore an oversized Christmas sweater, much too big for the tiny girl, and what Umi assumed were thick leggings underneath, and her face began to heat up.
Nico noticed the staring, and became bright red. “We get it, you have a problem with me! You can stop rubbing it in!” She said, voice indignant yet… hurt.
This gave Umi pause. “E-excuse me? I don’t…” Her voice trailed off, not understanding what was going on.
Nico turned her chin up, trying to cover up the expression on her face- One Umi was recognizing as sadness. “You’ve been avoiding me all night, you don’t have to pretend. I know something’s going on.” Now that Umi was paying attention, the pain in the other girl’s voice was audible, and it made Umi’s heart sink.
“I- Nico, I’m sorry,” she said honestly, swallowing her pride. This made Nico turn her head, looking confused. “I didn’t… I wasn’t attempting to hurt you. Y-you… You have done nothing wrong, I promise.” Umi finally managed, not meeting Nico’s eyes.
Nico’s face changed, confusion evident, before she quickly recovered. “Then what’s your problem?” She asked, voice getting indignant once more, and she crossed her sweater-clad arms.
“I…” Umi shrunk in on herself, pointedly not meeting Nico’s eyes. Realizing there was honestly an issue, Nico’s act slowly dropped, and she stepped forward, closer to Umi.
“H-hey… It’s okay. I’m not honestly mad at you,” she clarified. “I just… Okay, I’m a little hurt. But I understand that things happen.” Nico told the taller girl.
Some of Umi’s hesitation melted away, and she felt warmth at Nico’s concern for her, before mentally smothering it. “I’m glad to hear that,” she gave a hesitant laugh, still not looking at Nico. She took a step back, closer to the door. “T-then I’ll head out and not bother you anymore, okay?” She was playing with the hem of her shirt, nervously fidgeting under Nico’s gaze.
“Uh-uh, not so fast.” Nico huffed, countering her by taking another step forward. “I just told you I wasn’t mad, so why do you think you need to not bother me?” When she was met with silence, there was yet another step closer. “What’s going on, Umi?” Nico huffed, putting her fists on her hips.
“I-I’ve just, been, having some issues, is all,” Umi stammered out, forcing herself not to move back any further.
Nico softened. “You know you can always talk to me, right? Like if I did something wrong… We all promised to be open about stuff like that,” she told her, looking up.
“No!” Umi shouted quickly, before covering her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…” Her flush just grew darker. “I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. This is just my issue.”
This time, Nico rolled her eyes. “We also all agreed on talking out problems of our own with each other. Why do you think you can’t talk to me about what’s going on?”
Umi’s mouth felt dry, and she began to pull harder at thread of her shirt. “I- Just- It’s not, big, you know,” the words tumbled awkwardly from her mouth, and she was looking steadfast anywhere but at Nico.
“Umi…” Nico gave a warning, crossing her arms. “I’m giving you until the count of three before I go ask someone what’s up with you. So if you don’t want that, you better say it yourself,” She said, before starting to count. “One…”
Before Nico could even count to three, Umi shouted, “Because the problem involves you!” As soon as the words left her mouth, she looked horrified. “I- I mean,...”
Nico looked broken. “I thought you said I didn’t do anything?” She asked, sadness written on her face, and this time, Umi felt her heart nearly shatter.
“N-no, I mean…” This time, it was Umi who took a step closer. Reaching out to hesitantly put her hand on Nico’s shoulder, Umi let her resolve break and swallowed her pride.
“I wasn’t lying,” she started, voice soft, “it’s… it’s my issue. I am… I feel… You make me feel ways that make me feel bad,” she said, before quickly backpedaling. “Not like- I mean-!” She could see Nico closing in on herself. Finally, she said what she had been hiding from:
“I-I really like you, Nico! And I feel guilty that I think about such a treasured friend in such a way!”
There was a stunned silence, as Nico looked up at Umi, and Umi managed to look down, face beet-red.
“Y-you mean like… like crush-wise?” Nico asked, voice lifting.
“I do. I am sorry.” Umi took her hand from Nico’s shoulder, withdrawing. But before she could get to far, Nico snatched the girl’s hand between her own.
Umi looked at her in shock, but Nico herself was red and looking away. “If you honestly… If you honestly mean it, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” She asked, staring at the cupboards to her left.
“W-what?” Umi stammered, mouth agape.
“Just, do you mean it!” Nico demanded.
“O-of course! I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t just say something like that to you if I didn’t!” Umi responded quickly.
A hint of a smile was starting to grow on Nico’s face, even as she blushed. “Then why didn’t you say anything?”
Umi looked at her, bewildered. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” she said hesitantly. “I… I really do treasure you, Nico. I couldn’t imagine if I…” She trailed off.
Nico’s eyes snapped back to Umi’s. “You- You were-” She looked mildly horrified. “Umi, I’ve liked you since the day I joined Muse, and you’re telling me you were afraid of ruining our friendship?!” The declaration left yet another stunned silence, this time on Umi’s end.
“S-s-since… Since…” Umi couldn’t find the words, her head swimming. Her thoughts were running at a thousand miles per hour as she stared at the older girl.
“Since the start, yeah,” Nico huffed, but her smile was growing. “I always thought you were beautiful and amazing. Nearly… nearly amazing enough to give even the great idol Nico pause!” She said dramatically, attempting to cover the emotion in her voice.
Umi’s head was thoroughly fried, yet she found the words coming out before she could stop them. “I- You’re beautiful and confident and I’ve always admired it and I love spending time with you and-”
Before she could finish her ramble, she was cut off- by a kiss. Nico had pressed her lips gently to Umi’s, standing on her toes to reach her. Now, Umi’s brain was truly fried, and she had no air in her lungs left to even consider continuing to speak.
With a slight grin, Nico pointed up above their heads, and all Umi could do was obey and look up. Sure enough, placed between the two of them- A single piece of mistletoe.
“I wish you had told me sooner. However, now that I know…” Nico’s grin grew as she stared at the red face of Umi. “How does coffee tomorrow, at seven, sound? A date with the wonderful Nico?” However, she received no response as Umi gaped at her, and Nico laughed. “Is that a no?”
“NO!” Umi quickly shouted. “I mean- I’d love- Yes!” She said before she could do anything else dumb. Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest, and she couldn’t believe her eyes or ears. She stared at the girl in front of her, the most beautiful girl she’d ever met, and was sure she had to be dreaming.
Her thoughts were interrupted as Nico spoke again. “Do you want another kiss?”
This time, Umi was lucky enough that she didn’t have to answer with words.