Chapter Text
Jyn’s not sure what it is that she and Cassian are doing.
If you’d asked her just few hours ago, she would have said she doesn’t even like him.
Not that he doesn’t have his good qualities – he’s tough and capable and daring, and she can’t help respecting that – but she can’t stand how strict he is about following the rules. He’s a… OK she’s not sure exactly what he and Kay do, but it’s definitely not 100% legal – or even 50% - so who is he to decide what the rules are?
She can’t stand the way he looks at her, the hint of disapproval in his dark eyes that he can never quite cover up. Because apparently there’s a right way and a wrong way to break the law, and she’s the wrong way.
But she likes the way he’s looking at her now. Maybe it’s the high of victory, maybe it’s the tequila, but whatever it is, suddenly it feels completely normal that they’re sitting alone together, laughing at their friends’ antics on the dance floor. Suddenly it feels normal that his eyes are soft when they meet hers, warm with laughter and, if she’s not wrong, more than a hint of desire.
And she doesn’t mind in the slightest. In fact, she’s pretty sure she’s got the same look on her face when she looks at him.
She’d like to say that what happens next, happens because she was drunk. But the truth is that she more or less stopped drinking over two hours earlier. So when she finds herself up against a wall in the alley behind the bar, kissing Cassian Andor like her life depends on it, she can’t blame the tequila.
His lips are surprisingly soft on hers. Her last coherent thought is that she would never have thought that quiet, uptight Cassian could kiss like this.
*
It’s not that Jyn doesn’t want to start dating again. She’s all about dating again. You have to get back on the horse, and all that (although honestly, as a city kid she’s not sure why you’d want to get on a horse in the first place).
Yes, what happened with Cassian hurt, but – life goes on. And what better way to move on than to find someone new? That should cheer her up.
(That should stop her stupid, traitorous eyes from wandering to him whenever she sees him in MMA class.)
But the problem is, it’s not so easy to find someone to date. Or more – it’s not so easy to find someone who agrees to date her.
She doesn’t get it. She’s not vain or anything, but – she’s an attractive woman, right? Her friends all say she is. OK, Chirrut she knows is talking out his ass, but she’s pretty sure Bodhi is telling her the truth, and she knows Leia is. Leia doesn’t lie. When she looks bad, Leia tells her. Which she appreciates (although telling her she looked like “something the cat barfed up” the last time she was hungover was going a bit far, if you ask her).
And OK, she’ll admit that not every man can handle her… how had Bodhi put it? Her strong personality. But it’s not just that, because the last two guys she hit on were not the kind to be easily scared off.
Alex, for example. She’s known him for a year, now, he joined MMA just after she and Cassian did. He’s got a kind of unthinking courage that comes through in the way he fights, all hard, fast blows, nothing held back. And he survived dating Mara, for fuck’s sake. Clearly he can handle anything.
And yet, when Jyn stayed back after class had ended and asked if he’d like to meet up for coffee sometime, he’d frozen like a deer in the headlights, his eyes flashing between her (and she’d noticed he was careful to keep his gaze above her neck) and Cassian, who stood in the far corner toweling off and studiously ignoring them.
“I… you… I like, you Jyn, but…” he’d managed, before breaking out into spasms of coughing and excusing himself to get water. That was a month ago, and she hasn’t seen him since.
Or that guy at the bar. What was his name? Jonga? Jenga? Something like that. Anyway, he’d hardly seemed the type to back down from a challenge. And he’d clearly been interested. “Let’s continue this conversation at my place. Naked,” was hard to misinterpret.
But when she’d come back after a brief – seriously, she’d only been gone for two minutes! – trip to the bathroom, he was gone. Bodhi had just shrugged, and Chirrut had given her an innocent look (a little too innocent, if you asked her). And she’d gone home alone, yet again.
So yeah. Jyn is more than ready to meet someone new. She’s just not sure how to do that.
Which is why when Kaela from work wants to set her up on a blind date, she says yes.
“He’s, like, perfect for you,” Kaela assures her. “He’s the strong and silent type. But not brooding. He’s smart. And,” she giggles, “seriously hot. I really think you’ll like him.”
Jyn hates blind dates. But it’s not like her way has been working. Maybe this is just what she needs. And really, what’s the worst that can happen?
*
“You’re shitting me.”
Cassian looks up, and does a double take. “Hi, Jyn,” he says cautiously. And then he looks at her, really looks at her, and she can see the moment it clicks. Her turquoise top, jeans, and black bag - just what his date was supposed to be wearing, as she well knows.
And she was told to look for a man in a red shirt, carrying a book with a green cover. She hadn’t seen Cassian in red before. She hates to admit it, but it works on him.
(And is the title of that book really, “20 ways to kill a grown man with nothing but office supplies”? She cranes her neck for a closer look, but he stuffs the book into his bag before she can verify.)
She turns to leave. It seems like the obvious thing to do; after all, the whole point of this date was to help her stop thinking of Cassian, not to spend extra time together.
But then she hears his quiet, “Running away again?” and oh, that is it. They’re doing this.
They’re going to actually talk about what happened.
“I didn’t run away,” she hisses, slamming her hands on the table and leaning toward him. “I left. And you know goddamn well that I had my reasons.”
His eyes narrow. “You found a reason,” he accuses. “Not the same thing.”
“You’re the one who – “
“If I hadn’t – “
“- I saw you, don’t try to tell me you were just – “
“ – haven’t so much as looked at me – “
Suddenly, Jyn realizes how quiet the rest of the café just got. They both stop at the same moment and glance around at all the people staring at them. Most are polite enough to pretend they aren’t staring, but – Jyn knows when she’s being watched.
She hesitates for a second, then slides into the chair opposite his. “I’m sorry, honey,” she says, her voice loud enough to carry to the neighboring tables. “You’re right, we shouldn’t talk about that here. Let’s just enjoy our lunch.”
Her smile is bright and blatantly fake, and Cassian narrows his eyes at her as the people sitting nearby go back to their meals. He always did hate her fake-happy face. Which, right now, is an added bonus.
“I don’t know what the hell you expect from me,” she informs him, still smiling.
He opens his mouth to reply, pauses, then sighs.
“I just don’t see why you won’t even talk to me,” he says, voice low. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he sounded almost sad.
“I have nothing to talk to you about,” she replies, flat.
He moves one hand up, unconsciously, to pull at his hair. Which means he’s agitated, and trying not to show it. “Come on, Jyn. We were friends.”
“Acquaintances.”
Again he starts and then stops, seems to reconsider whatever it was he was planning to say.
“You know I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” he says instead. “I know you know that.” His voice is intense, as if he can get her to agree through sheer willpower. His eyes meet hers, pleading.
There’s a long silence, during which Jyn discovers just how many interesting things there are to look at in this place. There’s a lovely blue tile pattern running across the far wall. The man two tables to her right is wearing a truly hideous hat. In the corner to her left, there are three women sitting together who look so alike that they can only be three generations of one family.
“Jyn.”
She looks down at her own hands. The soft pink nail polish Leia insisted on applying is in jarring contrast to the scabs on her knuckles.
“I know you weren’t trying to hurt me,” she admits.
He lets out a long breath. “Good. That’s good.” He shifts in his seat. “So can we maybe – “
For a wild moment, she thinks he’s going to say “try again,” and the though sends a wave of pure panic through her.
“ – go back to talking to each other? Please?”
She sags in relief, and not even a tiny bit of disappointment. Nope. None whatsoever.
Cassian’s eyes are on her, waiting for her verdict. For someone who could kill the average man with his bare hands without breaking a sweat, it’s amazing how much he can look like a puppy begging for scraps when he wants to.
“Fine,” she says. And then, softer, “I didn’t mean to… I just thought it would be easier this way.”
The corner of his mouth rises in half a smile. “I know,” he says, and she knows he really does.
“So since we’re already here…” he continues, breaking the heavy mood. “Coffee?”
And it’s probably a terrible idea, but she finds herself saying yes.
If you’d asked her a few hours earlier, she would have said that sitting and talking with Cassian Andor was about the last place she wanted to be. But as she leaves the café half an hour later, she’s glad she stayed. Life is going to be a lot easier if she’s not trying to actively avoid him.
And her plan of getting over him by moving on is still on track. She’ll just have to remember, next time, to tell her friends who it is she’s trying to get over before they set her up.