Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“How fear is made of water,
rising.”

—     Melissa Studdard, from “In the Drain of the Storm

The knot in Yixing’s stomach tightened without showing any mercy. The tension throughout his body kept that knot taut and his mind in disarray. Baekhyun rambled on, per Yixing’s request, with endless streams of consciousness. Baekhyun’s voice kept Yixing from drowning in the sea of his concerns, but it failed to completely distract him. Most of his attention was still on his earpiece.

He was anxious to hear one of the two possible responses someone could radio in with. Either it would be a: “Mission failed” or  “Mission accomplished”. Even if it was the former, at least he could devise a plan and put it in place. This— the waiting, the not knowing— was the worst of it all. Each second went by like torturing water drops

drop (13:14:03)

by drop (13:15:04)

by drop (13:16:05)

by

drop (13:17:06)

by

d

r

o

p (13:18:07).

Yixing had been an archiver of the seconds for almost two hours already, and he was still counting on. A nudge to his shoulder startled him out of his concentration. His head snapped over and he saw Baekhyun’s eyes fixed on him in anticipation.

Yixing scratched his head as his only response.

“So I was saying, dancing for date night on Friday. Yes or yes?” Baekhyun’s eyes formed crescents as he smiled at his own words.

“Oh. Yes,” Yixing agreed. There was a hint of stiffness within the wrinkles. His eyes were duller than usual as well. When his eyes widened again, Yixing understood that Baekhyun’s smile was merely for his own sake.

Yixing let out a short sigh and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. My mind is still scrambled.”

Baekhyun tilted his head, “You don’t have to apologize to me. I haven’t been talking about anything of importance. Eeeexcept for the date night thing.” He chuckled with that light chime of a voice he had. Yixing tried to follow suit but his laugh was more air than sound or humor.

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I think you belong out there tonight. Not in here.” Baekhyun tapped his finger on the dusty dashboard.

Yixing couldn’t agree. Orders were orders and it wasn’t his place to disobey or even question it. He didn’t doubt the reasoning behind the decisions, but he should be with his team. The aching in his bones sang of his need to rejoin them. Especially during a time like this, he knew he’d be useful.

“Every job is important. We do what we can behind the frontline, so the others can focus on their objectives,” Yixing reminded. He had to force himself to parrot that old saying that was drilled into them since the academy.

“Pft,” Baekhyun scoffed. “How does it make sense that they put the rookie on this mission instead of you? —Don’t.” He held up a finger as soon as Yixing opened his mouth to form a rebuttal. “I know Sehun needs experience. But with a hostage situation where our teammate is the hostage? Jongdae was part of your sub-unit for so long. You should be at the exchange.”

Yixing sighed again. Keeping up with Baekhyun during a discussion wasn’t hard; it was managing to get a word in that was challenging. Once he got heated, he had the habit of talking over people. Yixing heard every word but they were echoes of the grievances he’d already nursed in his mind.

“You know it’s kind of shitty to think about it this way,” Baekhyun continued without stopping to take a breath. “But leading the hostage recovery would look better for Senior Chief promotion than money guarding.”

There was a point that he waited for Baekhyun to make, but he never did. The most ideal situation was to have Baekhyun at the exchange, and Sehun help guard the ransom money. Baekhyun was the one who volunteered himself for this end of the mission after Yixing got his file first. The file read that he’d be the only one in the van, but Baekhyun wouldn’t allow him to be without backup. No matter how Yixing argued that nothing would happened to him, Baekhyun wouldn’t listen.

Yixing waved his hand in the air as if to wave the notion of being Senior Chief Inspector away from himself. “That is the very last thing on my mind right now. I’m here to help any way I can. I want to both get Jongdae back and to guard this money to the best of my ability.”

A hand rested on his shoulder. He glanced over at Baekhyun.

“Me too, Yixing. But has anybody told you you’re way too noble?”

“Those might’ve been your first words to me.”

“No,” Baekhyun corrected. “Your first words to me were definitely ‘Shoot your targets or get out,’ so I highly doubt I said that to you.”

There was a smile creeping on Yixing’s face so he had to turn away and tuck it away from the other’s sight. Smiling at a time like this was inappropriate.

“Ah. He smiles after all. You can’t hide it. Sharp eyes run in the family, remember?”

“You know I know you didn’t get the genes from that side though,” Yixing said. His voice sounded worn out.

“I was hoping you’d play along, but tell me I don’t seem to have a recessive gene for enhanced vision sometimes. I’ve been telling you that I’m a late bloomer.”

Nothing but silence hung off the edge of that joke. Now it was Baekhyun’s turn to sigh. “Don’t worry. They’ll get Jongdae back and he’ll be okay. I checked the cam stream before we left. It looks like they still had him wrapped tight in that plastic tarp. I have faith.”

All Yixing could do was shake his head. Not out of disbelief but at himself.

The task force had succeeded at bigger missions with bigger stakes before. Maybe it was right to sit him out since he took this so personally. Even then he knew that in a worst case scenario, he wouldn’t escape the guilt of feeling like he could’ve done more.

“Hey, Yixing.”

Once again Yixing felt bad Baekhyun had to fish him out of his thoughts every time. Maybe it was clear with the way Yixing remained silent, because Baekhyun started talking anyway.

“Doesn’t this remind you of the old late night patrolling? We’d get the worst areas assigned.”

Yixing’s eyes wandered off, peering distantly at the dashboard. It was almost like he could visualize those nights before him among the car’s indicator lights. “I remember we’d wait for someone to break curfew or, on a good day, speed through a neighborhood stop sign.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun exclaimed. “And then there was that one time we got a breaking and entering call. And yeah, they weren’t wrong, but our culprit was a raccoon.”

The way that Yixing smiled made the skin on the bridge of his nose wrinkle up. His eyes squinted from the recollection and he couldn’t see the indicator lights anymore. “You actually hid behind me when we saw it.”

Baekhyun held out his index finger again. “You threw yourself in front of me. I was a fool who fell for the heroic act. Even joined this division because you convinced me.”

“Do you regret it?” Yixing meant it as a joke but given the way Baekhyun was now looking at him, it wasn’t received that way.

A soft smile crept onto Baekhyun’s features. “Not one bit. Not even as I waste my youth in this ugly van.”

None of their more gentle moments lasted very long tonight. The universe was suspended in a countdown. For a planet that revolved so fast, the movement beneath one’s feet wasn't felt at all. That was how time passed in this van, the meeting time for the rest of their team was mere seconds away.

13:59:56

13:59:57

13:59:58

13:59:59

14:00:00

Both of them waited in silence. Neither uttered a word or shifted around in their seats.

By now the kidnappers should’ve showed up with Jongdae. Twenty million in USD was the original demand. It was to be delivered at a park at four o’clock in the morning. Two hours after the demand was relayed, the station received another call saying ten million is the new deal. The money had to be handed over by the division leader at two o’clock at a subway station. By then the request for twelve million was faxed and approved, so it was already withdrawn from the vault. Hence, Yixing being stuck here to guard the remaining half and drive it back to the bank when the mission is over.

Junmyeon was the one who found out about that dock near the subway. There was a boat leaving for Macau at two thirty. This explained that the kidnappers needed a quick escape and some money rather than the greatest amount. It made sense that he got to choose the roles. Yixing kept going over the details to convince himself that they calculated every single possibility.

The notion was they’d get Jongdae and let the kidnappers have the money. Best case scenario, they would take the money and leave. Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol would then intercept at the docks to apprehend them. Worst case scenario, they would take the money and start a fight. Minseok and Kyungsoo would be in the subway as Junmyeon’s backup until Jongin could  teleport the others to the subway station.

It was all so conceptually perfect that Yixing worried. If even one piece of the plan fell out of alignment then everything would be compromised.

Minute after minute ticked by almost painfully. At the first sound of a walkie radio click, both Yixing and Baekhyun perked up. In a synchronized motion, they sat up in their seats.

“Life unit reporting to Tree unit. You got your ears on?” It was Junmyeon.

“Go ahead,” Yixing said as firmly as he could.

“Mission accomplished. Perpetrators have been apprehended and Twenty One is here safe and sound with us. Just scrapes and bruises from what he’s told us and what we can see. Over.”

Yixing fell back into his seat and exhaled away all the stress he held in his chest. A warm hand wrapped around his.

“Tree unit copies. Ten is currently thanking god,” Baekhyun reported into the radio. “Question for lucky Twenty One. Do you still have all your fingers and toes? Over.”

“Shut the fuck up, Zero-Four,” Jongdae said. “Ten, get ready to fix me up soon. Over.” The voice was rough but the team had a unspoken understanding. If you could joke, then you were okay.

Yixing gestured for Baekhyun to pass him the radio as they shared a laugh.

“Roger. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Twenty One. Tree unit is now ready for departure. Over.”

“Copy that, Ten. Clear,” Junmyeon said.

The engine turned over smoothly and hummed as it was running. Being on the move instead of staying still helped Yixing feel more grounded, more useful. The last of the tense atmosphere went out the window. Baekhyun had a hand out his window as he sang. There was a way that Baekhyun’s smile made itself be heard. Yixing wasn't looking over often, but he could tell.

The yellow light hanging over a four way intersection shifted to red. The new color ushered the car to a full stop. The melodies that filled the car stopped as well in that same moment.

“Is the human radio finally broken?” He teased.

“Even if I was broken you wouldn't throw me away,” Baekhyun shot back with a shit eating grin.

It was a good point which Yixing inadvertently cosigned with his lack of a witty comeback. But he wasn't going to just let Baekhyun have this victory without a fight.

Baekhyun drummed on his armrest. “Green light.”

Both the left and right side of traffic halted, and their van moved forward into the intersection. Yixing was still thinking of something to respond to Baekhyun’s quip with. The next thing he remembered was hearing Baekhyun shout his name.

A blinding light approached them quickly from his left. He caught sight of a car from the left out of his peripheral. The tires from the van screeched from the way he slammed onto the gas pedal. The car that sped through their red light clipped the tailgate of the van. The collision sent the van spinning. Yixing’s instinct jumped in and bent the car wheel in the same direction of the spin. His shoulder should've ached from how hard the self belt dug in, but in the moment he felt nothing.

Brake screeches and sounds of metal crashing into metal were all heard within earshot. He saw braked cars and intersection lights all blur together as they rotated around him like a carousel. His top priority was to not hit any other cars around them. After correcting the front tires to match the spin direction of the back ones a few times, the van was finally straightened out. The traffic lights blinked in a disarray. A light shone straight into their windshield. Yixing could make out two figures before realizing their vehicle was approaching the van. The black car came forward and smashed into them.

Yixing’s head flew forward into the wheel. The airbag inflated quick enough to catch him but the impact caused his head to bounce back. He felt the back of his skull strike the headrest. The dull pain was spreading from the back forward.

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Baekhyun, are you okay?”

His vision blurred and doubled images overlapped one another, but he could make out that Baekhyun was still with his eyes closed.

“Hyun-ah!”

A second passed. Yixing had a hand on the other’s cheek, ready to heal. Before he had the chance, a wrinkle between Baekhyun’s brows formed. “Fucking Christ. My head...” He mumbled.

Relief found a home within Yixing’s chest again but he knew they weren't in the clear yet. Two men were getting out of the black car. Yixing tried to throw the car into reverse and prayed the engine was still intact enough.

The men got to the front of the van and Yixing pulled the clutch back. It didn't move. The men were quickly gaining in on them. Yixing pulled on it again. This time Baekhyun’s hands laid on top of his and helped. Yixing stomped on the gas pedal and the van zoomed backwards.

“Fucking Christ.” Baekhyun shouted with his usual vigor. They kept moving in a straight trajectory just to get as much distance as possible.

“Left.”

A few cars honked at them when Yixing ran the red light. The blaring drowned out Baekhyun’s instruction.

“You can get the next one,” Baekhyun said.

When the turn came clearly into sight, Yixing turned into it. The tires screeched from the sharpness of the turn. A similar screech sounded off in the distance as well. The black car was coming after them.

Driving backwards wasn't going to get them very far. It was their job to protect people, not pose a threat to their safety. Yixing maneuvered the car around so he could continue down the road the right way. Now the more narrow paths and sharp turns were easier to drive through.

“Tree unit to Life unit. Do you copy?” Baekhyun kept indicating where he wanted Yixing to go with his hand while trying to reach someone through the radio.

A long pause.

Baekhyun repeated, “Do you copy?”

“Roger. This is Nine-Four. Over.”

“We are being targeted by two men in a black Hyundai Sonata. We request immediate assistance. Over.”

“10-20? Over.”

That was a good question. Just where were they going on this road Baekhyun put them on?

“We are heading towards the bridge. Merging onto the freeway from an access road now. We’re staying away from populated areas. Over.” Baekhyun was telling both Sehun and Yixing at the same time. Yixing steered the van into the right lane to follow the plan.

“Turn on the tracker. I’ll relay it to Zero-One. He got hit during the fight earlier. We’ll be there ASAP. Clear.”

Of fucking course.

Junmyeon would be the type to get hurt and keep quiet about it. It became a compulsion for Yixing to check his mirrors every few seconds. In between seeing if they were still tailed, he would check on Baekhyun as well. Baekhyun had his phone out to turn on their location for Jongin to reference. His thumbs were trembling over the screen; Yixing could notice that much.

“Baekhyun, I’m going to pull over.”

“...You smell it too?”

A simple nod answered that question. The smell of gasoline was unmistakable. After two collisions like that, the van shouldn’t have even moved as much as it did.

“It’s not safe to keep driving in this,” Yixing said.

“But I don’t think we should stop.”

It irked him to hear Baekhyun say that, so he didn’t say another word as he pulled the car over. He gave his partner the benefit of the doubt since he was pretty rattled. They parked at the mouth of the bridge. From there, they should be easy to spot by their team.

“Yixing,” Baekhyun’s voice sharpened around the name. “We need to keep moving.”

“The other unit is coming. It’ll be okay.” The seat belt clicked when Yixing pressed the unlatch button. He stepped out and gravel crunched underneath his foot.

“I— I don’t know about that.”

The plan was for Yixing to inspect the leak, but Baekhyun’s voice had put him on edge. He was fiddling with his phone— hitting it, shaking it, pressing the home button and tapping the screen in rapid succession. Baekhyun was panicking and Yixing didn’t know why.

“What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun turned the phone over to show him. “My phone is dead. I had a full battery before we left.” He threw his phone onto the empty driver’s seat and reached for his radio walkie again. No matter how many times he clicked any of the buttons, nothing worked.

It took them until this moment to realize something else. The rippling orange hues painted over the pavement wasn’t normal either. The streetlamps above flickered on and off in a peculiar manner.

Just then, an engine roared out of earshot and progressively got louder. From the horizon emerged two pinpricks of light.

Baekhyun’s shocked face became a stage for flickering light and shadow to dance across in a frenzy. With his heart in his stomach, Yixing quickly reached over for Baekhyun’s hand. A bright glow emitted between the space where their skin met. Baekhyun’s skin lost the discoloration from bruises. The cuts closed up until the skin connected seamlessly.

“It’s going to be a fight,” Yixing stated.

“he […] has hands like the apocalypse
you could start a war with hands like that”

—     Kiki Nicole, from blk/still/life

The passenger door slammed close and Baekhyun shortly showed up by Yixing’s side.

“How many did you see in the car? I spotted two.”

Yixing sighed. “I only saw the passenger.” When the van came out of the spin, Yixing saw one figure in the passenger seat. Some one had to drive, so that would add up to two. The odds weren’t terrible, but they weren’t preferable either.

“I’m guessing asking you to fall back isn’t an option?” Baekhyun asked.

Of all the members of the team, Yixing was the only one without an offensive power. He remembered his advisors all encouraged him to pursue a career in the medical field like other healers. Obviously, he didn’t heed their words. His power didn’t make him an obvious candidate for a mutant task force, but his aptitude results did. The difference in classification of his power meant that he was the only member who was allowed a firearm. From this distance, he couldn’t smell the gasoline any more, but he didn’t want to risk it.

The two of them could make a run for it, but the money in the van was his responsibility. The department entrusted it in his care, and he couldn’t let them down. The headlights in the distance grew in size as the car got closer. He stared at them squared on and straightened out his stance.

“I’ll be wherever you are. Don’t worry about me.” His two priorities for this night lied within his commitment to his job and this promise to Baekhyun. Whoever their opponents were, Yixing was going to stay true to his word.

The car screeched as it came to a stop a few feet away from where they stood. Yixing got into the position of looking like he was reaching around to pull out his gun. Just because he was hesitant to use it didn’t mean that he couldn’t use it for intimidation purposes.

“Calmly step out of your car and put your hands up,” Yixing commanded.

The doors opened on both sides and two figures stepped out. The driver was a man who sported closely cropped hair and had high cheekbones; the left one had a scar on it. The driver stared back at Yixing for a second before glancing at Baekhyun. His eyes narrowed.

The accomplice from the passenger side had bright orange hair and tattoos that showed through the spaces of his tank top. It was a dragon curling across his shoulders. This man cackled, an ugly sound, and slapped the car door shut. “I told ya I saw two of them.”

The driver scowled.

“I said put your hands up. Get down on the ground right now!” In order to paint a more compelling image, Yixing’s hands were on his gun.

Both of the driver and passenger came forward, step by step. But Baekhyun and Yixing firmly held their position.

Baekhyun’s voice boomed, “He said put your hands—”

“You mean like this?” The passenger said with smugness dripping off his sharp smile. He held both hands up. “Tell me, fellas. Are you afraid of the dark?”

Baekhyun and Yixing’s voices telling the man to get on the ground overlapped each other. In the chaos, the passenger closed his fists and the street lamps within a twenty feet radius cut out.

Fuzzy outlines of everything could be made out to the naked eye, but not much else. Quick footsteps around them sounded like someone was running.

“Zero-Four,” Yixing called out.

“Close your eyes.” Baekhyun responded as if he knew exactly what Yixing wanted him to do. A small glimmer of light formed between his hands. That was Yixing’s cue to do as Baekhyun instructed. It happened enough times within the training labs for Yixing to imagine what was taking place. Each time Baekhyun practiced this particular move, the observers on the other side of the room had to wear glasses made for solar eclipses. Without the proper equipment though, Yixing had to fall back on closing his eyes.

It should only take ten seconds, judging by Baekhyun’s recent average time.

(One. Two. Three.) The light appeared first, expansive and formless. (Four. Five. Six.) Then Baekhyun condensed it down as tightly as he could. (Seven.) Timing was everything. (Eight.) Release the ball too soon and it wasn’t enough to get the job done. (Nine.) Hold onto it for too long and it came apart in one’s hands. (Ten.)

Yixing heard the groaning and bellowing from two distinct voices. These were enough of an indicator that Baekhyun’s flash bomb worked.

“Okay, you’re good to go,” Baekhyun announced a few seconds later.

The whole landscape within a twenty feet radius was illuminated. The light gave every object and figure enough clarity for Yixing and Baekhyun to get to work. The other men were on the ground with their hands over their eyes. Their window to take action was closing quick.

Yixing ripped off the handcuffs from his belt. The closest offender was the passenger, still reeling from the flash bomb. He had his hands and knees on the ground, making him a sitting duck. Yixing sprinted up and encircled one of his wrists with the cuff. The metal teeth clicked into place as he closed it shut. Two echoing clicks sounded off a few feet away as well.

A breath of relief was exhaled from Yixing’s chest. “You are being arrested for vehicular assault on two officers. You have the ri—”

“Fuck off,” The passenger shouted. In an instant, the hand Yixing held the cuffs with tensed up. A wave traveled up from there, sending every inch of his arm muscles into contraction. The buzzing sensation nestled deep in his bones like it wanted to shake his skin off. He couldn’t let go even though he tried.

Baekhyun’s boot came into hard contact with Yixing’s hand and kicked it free from the hold. The rest of his body was doing fine; he could still stand on his own two feet. However, the residual cramp in his arm brought him to his knees. He’d seen this phenomena before, whenever Jongdae used his electrokinesis to stun offenders. If one of them was a mutant, then he’d bet everything that the other was too. The driver was still on the ground rubbing his eyes. It didn’t take much for Yixing to deduce that he was closest to the flash bomb when it went off.

The passenger picked himself off the ground and swung at Baekhyun. The flinging cuff hanging off his wrist increased the range of his reach, but Baekhyun was swift on his feet. The passenger grabbed the loose cuff, and held it between his closed fist like brass knuckles.

“Close range electrokinesis,” Yixing yelled out to Baekhyun. The fact that the passenger had that type of power, but didn’t use it already, differentiated it from Jongdae’s. There was no advantage for him to hold the cuff and prepare himself to exchange punches. Yixing pooled his energy into restoring his arm, so he could run reinforcement for Baekhyun. But by the looks of Baekhyun’s crooked smile, his partner was feeling confident.

Baekhyun threw the first punch. His fist stopped short of connecting and his palm opened. A bright burst of light shone directly into the passenger’s face. He screamed and stumbled backwards a few steps. Baekhyun seized the opportunity to knee the man in the gut, causing him to double over.

Gravel crunched underneath the feet of the driver who finally got out of the blinding spell. Similarly, Yixing got up as well. He knew now to leave some distance to gauge his opponent’s capabilities. He stayed on the balls of his feet in case he had to make quick dodges. At that moment, something was pulling at his belt. A button clip unsnapped and his baton flew across the air. It clattered to the ground and the driver had to bend down to pick it up between his cuffed hands.

The driver was forced to swing the weapon with both hands. He held it like a baseball bat and swung it while running towards Yixing.

With his elbows tucked tight against his body, Yixing moved forward and dodged the swing of the baton. With the driver’s arms within reach, Yixing caught them in a grapple and used the driver’s momentum against him. Yixing pivoted and twisted his hips. The motion threw the driver off balance and into the ground.

The first objective was to disarm the driver, so Yixing had his foot on the driver’s arm. Once it reached a point of discomfort, crossing over to being painful, the driver released the baton. As soon as Yixing lifted his foot off, the driver used the handcuff chain to catch Yixing’s foot, and trip him.

“Little help here, please??”

Baekhyun’s plea for help had Yixing’s head snapping over to see what was going on. Baekhyun was on the ground with the passenger hovering on top. The passenger had the arm with the cuffed hand bent behind his back. Baekhyun locked the passenger to a belt loop. But the latter now had a knife in his free hand. The only thing stopping that knife from plunging into Baekhyun’s chest was the baton he held up as a bar. This was the only way to keep his skin from coming into contact with the passenger’s.

“Ten,” Baekhyun gritted out between his teeth. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold it.”

Yixing followed his instinct and kicked the driver in the face with the leg that wasn’t tangled with the handcuff chain. From this angle, it was more of a stomp than a kick. The driver’s head reeled back and blood spurted from his nose. His eyes closed and his head rested on the ground limply. The incident report for tonight was not going to be fun, Yixing could already feel it.

Along the way, Yixing picked up his baton. The other pair were a little further away, so it required him to pick up his speed and to act quick. When he got there, he struck the passenger on his shoulder with a powerful blow. The strike triggered a knee jerk reaction for the passenger to reach back for his shoulder. He rolled off, crying in pain.

The night had gone on for too long now. Yixing pulled out his gun and pointed it at the man on the ground.

“Lay on your stomach with your hands on your back right now,” he instructed. The passenger followed each word. Meanwhile Baekhyun got the knife out of the passenger’s reach, and placed it under his belt.

The gunmetal was cold to the touch again. For any given mission, he rarely went this long without using his firearm. He still remembered why the gun was relegated to an intimidation factor, but he realized something else slipped his mind. The driver with telekinesis knew he had a gun, yet he chose the baton over it. Even if the driver was smart enough to notice the gasoline, the gun would’ve been the quickest way to end a fight— Especially with his hands cuffed.

Baekhyun groaned while stretching out his arms. “Little shit got long range absorption but close range conduction. I figured it all out.” He smiled proudly at himself and it was almost contagious. Yixing was too exhausted to smile but he nodded along.

“Explains that light trick and the phone dying. I saw the headlights on their car go out when he did his whole…” Baekhyun mimicked the action of putting his hands out in front of him dramatically.

Yixing shook his head this time, but wore a tired grin. The grin faded quickly though. “Wait,” he said. “He took it out of his own car instead of our van?”

“Yeah…? What about it— Shit.”

They forgot to consider possible motives in midst of the action.  The offenders weren’t here to try to kill the officers. They planned a robbery all along.

“Ten, your belt!”

It was deja vu all over again. The keys to the van whipped through the air.  The driver lived up to the epithet Yixing gave him. He positioned himself in the driver’s seat already, so when the keys got to him, he was ready. The engine turned over.

The wheels inched forward and the van made it onto the bridge. Whooping and hollering of joy came from the passenger. Yixing’s entire gut felt inverted. He held his gun up; the barrel aimed at a back tire.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun interjected.

Yixing kept the gun steady. “The starter motor didn’t spark an explosion, so I’m taking a calculated risk.” He squeezed the trigger and sent the bullet loose. The shot punctured the crushed bumper. Fear of failing this mission cinched at his chest. Giving up wasn’t an option. He fired again.

Bumper.

Yixing raised his gun once more and tried a third time. The van’s speed was still low, but another miss and there would be too much distance. Another gunshot sounded off and the screeching of tires came right after. The van took a nosedive straight into the side of the bridge.

“I’ll get him,” Baekhyun volunteered. “You have the gun so you stay. We don’t want him getting it now that his mission’s fucked.”

Maybe Yixing still hadn’t recovered from the high stress he just experienced, but he didn’t like this plan. There weren’t any alternatives he could offer. His mind kept drawing blanks every single time. He resigned to the new plan with a reluctant nod. “Go. I’ll re-cuff this one then join you.”

As Baekhyun took off running, Yixing unlocked the cuff attached to the belt loop. Instead, he placed that one around the passenger’s leg. All the while he reminded the passenger that his gun still had ammo in case anything funny happened. Luckily, the gun had plenty of authority to ensure that it didn’t. He moved as fast as he could. For that telekinetic to play possum this whole time so he could get to the van, it meant that he was clever. It didn’t sit well with Yixing letting Baekhyun go without backup.

At top speed, Yixing ran to the van’s position on the bridge. Both Baekhyun and the driver were both situated on the other side of the van. From Yixing’s perspective, he couldn’t see them at all through the tinted windows. But the closer he got, the clearer Baekhyun’s speech became.

“Come with us peacefully and nobody has to get hurt..”

A sudden burst of light went off but it died off just as fast. Baekhyun cried out in pain the same time the light disappeared.

Yixing pushed himself to charge forward with even more urgency. He came around the van and held the gun out at arm’s length, ready to shoot.

The knife Baekhyun took from the driver’s accomplice was in the driver’s hand. Baekhyun held onto his right hand. The palm had a pool of blood in the center. The driver was, indeed, as clever as Yixing feared.

“Put your weapon down. I’m only asking you once.” Yixing barked out the warning. There was no room for compromise here.

“It should’ve been only one of you here,” the driver mumbled. “There should’ve been ONE.” His voice grew in volume with more hysteria.

“Put your weapon down. You have three seconds. Three. Two.”

The gun wobbled within his grip. It was the same as the baton. It was the same as the van keys.

A wall of light blasted at the same time a gunshot rang out.

Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time?
My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

—     Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

The color white enveloped Yixing’s vision. The gun fell with a clatter from his hands. No matter how many times he blinked, what he saw remained the same. White. White. White.

A pair of arms wrapped around him. His first instinct told him to establish distance. He pushed at the person’s chest, but they kept holding onto him.

“It’s me! It’s me!”

“Bae—Zero-Four?” He stopped resisting. 

Some type of weight was placed into his holster, then a warm pair of hands held his face. It was Baekhyun for sure. He could tell from the touch.

“It’ll go away,” Baekhyun said in a soft voice that made Yixing’s worries melt. “I didn’t have time to warn you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want the gun in his hands. I thought he actually shot you.”

“I shot his shoulder.” Yixing’s breath shuddered. The driver wanted the gun and Yixing wasn’t willing to run the risk of the driver firing it. He was sure his vision went before he pulled the trigger. It disoriented him but he could still make the shot. In that split second, he made the decision that the gun could not end up in the driver’s hands.

He placed his hands over Baekhyun’s. Having Baekhyun nearby comforted him even though he couldn’t see his partner.

But Baekhyun’s hands were slipping away. Yixing was confused. “Where are you—”

“Ten!”

The edge in his voice pushed Yixing out of his comfort zone. His senses sharpened again. He grabbed onto Baekhyun’s hands and felt Baekhyun’s entire weight pulling him. As much as Yixing threw his body the other way to counteract the pull. There was a slight pause and a few hiccups along the way, but he couldn’t get Baekhyun to completely stop moving.

—It had to be the driver’s telekinesis.

“Let go, Ten,” Baekhyun said.

“I don’t want to.” It came out as a knee jerk reflex. He couldn’t see anything and it frightened him to imagine what was going to happen to Baekhyun.

“Trust me.” There was a pleading urgency in the way Baekhyun said those words, so Yixing complied.

From where Yixing stood, he couldn’t tell if he was too far or too close to the action. He felt helpless as before in the van. He was removed from the scene and was unable to be of use. Punches could be heard. Exchanges of groans and grunts were sprinkled in.

Slowly, the veil over Yixing’s vision faded. First were blobs of light, then it was blurry figures. The other two were only a few steps away, right by the railing.

With some time, Yixing could see enough to catch Baekhyun throwing a sharp right hook at the driver’s face. He saw the driver swipe at Baekhyun with his knife. It looked like it got him but only on his uniform. The driver had his arm caught and twisted so the knife dropped. An elbow was sent back into the driver’s face. Baekhyun turned his back from the driver to kick the knife on the ground away.

“Look out!”

The driver came up from behind and held Baekhyun in a chokehold. They fought for the upper hand. The driver fought to maintain the hold. Baekhyun drove his elbow back into the driver’s torso a few times. Yixing launched forward without hesitation. He reached for his holster now that he understood Baekhyun helped put his gun back. For each step he took forward, the other two stumbled a few steps back.

It was like he saw the whole thing play out on a movie screen. His shock detached him from the scene right in front of him. Baekhyun managed to gain enough space to drive his head back for a headbutt into the driver’s face. The driver leaned back due to the pain and disorientation. It was a few inches too far back.

The driver started tipping over and he pulled Baekhyun over with him. Normal human strength wouldn’t have done much. But a mutant with telekinesis and survival instincts could do much more.

Yixing dropped the gun and ran. He got to the railing and had to throw most of his body over it. It was the only way he could reach Baekhyun in time to grab the shoulder strap of his vest. He instantly felt the weight of both bodies ripping his arms from his shoulders. The railing pressed against his hips and his feet couldn’t feel the ground below. Aside from that, there were also invisible tugs at his shoulders, arms, and face.

“I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.” The driver was desperately grabbing at anything.

“Stop moving,” Yixing cautioned. “You’ll fall if you keep moving.” Even the muscle movements required for speaking felt strained to him. He knew that if the driver kept moving with the injuries that he had, he’d wear himself out quickly. Not to mention, Yixing was slipping forward every time the telekinesis grabbed him.

Sadly, his instructions were not heeded. The load that Yixing had to hold had lightened, because the driver lacked strength to hold on any longer. The water below greeted his demise with an insignificant splash.

With only Baekhyun left to focus on, Yixing had an easier time holding on. But pulling him up remained a challenge.

“Maybe it’ll be easier if you can get to the railing. Can you reach up?”

Baekhyun stretched his arms as far as they would allow him. The tips of his fingers barely brushed past Yixing’s elbows.

“Yixing, I can’t.”

“It shouldn’t be long now. Our team should arrive any time now.” The lie fell off his tongue without any finesse.

Seconds passed where Yixing tried again and again to lift Baekhyun. Even when he aimed to lift Baekhyun just enough to grab onto him, he couldn’t do it. Baekhyun reached up time after time to no avail. There was a small space between the pavement and bottom edge of the railing. Baekhyun could get his hands onto the pavement’s edge, but couldn’t pull himself up even with Yixing’s help. After Baekhyun last attempt, he let his arms fall to his sides with a hard exhale.

“...Yixing,” Baekhyun started off gently. “It’s okay.”

Nothing scared him quite as much as hearing that from Baekhyun. He didn’t know what Baekhyun meant. The margins between the lines were too thick for one exact interpretation.

“Of course it will be okay. They must have seen your lights by now. Jongin’s teleportation is almost faster than the speed of light. He’ll be here.” Yixing chuckled dryly.

“I don’t blame you.”

Yixing’s chuckles blurred with punctuated sobs.

Baekhyun smiled. Even with all the fear that Yixing assumed Baekhyun was experiencing,  he still managed to smile. “This isn’t your fault.”

“NO.” Yixing shouted. The flash of anger subsided quickly and the tears continued. “I’m not going to let you die.”

“You’re not letting me die. It’s… It’s just too hard to save me and that’s— “ Baekhyun choked up as well. “That’s okay. I’m with you so it’s okay.”

“Somebody please help us!” Yixing pushed his volume to its brink. “Please help us! Anybody! Please…”

Every joint of his fingers hosted a burning sensation unlike any he ever experienced. It would be so easy to release the vest and heal his strained muscles, but he couldn't. This was Baekhyun. Life was meaningless without him.

“Yixing, listen to me.”

“No, Baekhyun. I am saving you. You have to believe me, okay? I will save you.”

“This isn't about not believing in you!” Baekhyun snapped. His face fell apart with grief sinking into all his features. “If you don't hear me out now, you might not have the chance again.”

This wouldn't have happened if Yixing told Baekhyun to stay with the team for the rescue.

“I want you to live on, okay?”

The other seven members would've had Baekhyun’s back.

“I want you to be happy. You can grieve but don't let it ruin your life.”

They wouldn't have failed Baekhyun like he did.

“I love you.”

Yixing couldn't lose him.

“Please don't give up,” Yixing begged him.

“Say it back, shithead.”

“I love you and if you fucking give up, I will kick your ass.”

That got a laugh out of Baekhyun, but it was the saddest sound to Yixing’s ears. The fatigue in his hands and arms were beginning to wear on him. He channeled the tiniest amount of his powers to his limbs. It was the equivalent of shooting a toy gun into a forest fire. He hoped that Baekhyun didn't notice but he did. The slight glow that activated when Yixing used his powers gave him away.

“How badly are your arms hurting?”

No response.

“Answer me,” Baekhyun demanded.

“I'm fine.”

“Bullshit.”

Yixing pressed on, “I'm fine.”

“You're afraid you'll run out of stamina if you heal yourself, aren't you?” His voice cracked in a way that broke Yixing’s heart.

“I'm fine…”

“Let go, Zhang Yixing! Let me go before you permanently injure yourself!”

“I’m a healer. Don’t you worry about me right now.” He was mad. Baekhyun’s life was on the line yet he couldn’t focus on saving himself. Couldn’t he see how hard Yixing was trying? Couldn’t he see letting go was the last thing Yixing would ever do?

“Be realistic. If it’s a third degree strain,  you’ll still be out for weeks.”

“Still better than losing you.”

Baekhyun’s hands rested over his. “Yixing. One last chance, pull me up now. If you can’t do it, you have to let me go.”

“You don’t get to make the rules,” Yixing fumed. “I’ll hold you like this until someone finds us. Two people hanging off a bridge. They’ll find us.”

Yixing’s left hand gave out first. It involuntarily released its hold. All the weight was supported by Yixing’s right hand now, but the sudden shift threw him out of balance. He slipped forward. His knees bent and dug itself in the spaces between the metal bars. The top railing now pressed into his thighs instead of his waist. The height from where they were came to him all at once. The drop from the bridge to the water below was no joke.

He began thinking of how scared Baekhyun must’ve been this whole time. Beyond his fear of Yixing overexerting himself, he also had a fear that most of the team knew about. Baekhyun was scared of deep waters because he couldn’t swim.

“ZHANG YIXING.” Baekhyun bellowed. “We’re both going to die at this rate.”

Then we’ll both die, Yixing thought to himself. He healed his left arm in the meantime, and resumed holding Baekhyun with both hands. Exhaustion seeped into every pocket and crevice of his being. The strap suddenly felt too thick for him to wrap his hands around; too slippery for him to get ahold of.

Small cracking sounds interjected Baekhyun and Yixing’s bickering. At first, Yixing was sure he heard the railing breaking where he leaned over. But it wasn’t the case.

The clip that held the strap to the main part of the vest was cracking. It was only plastic. Of course it couldn't handle the tension as well as a human’s muscles. If it broke, it’d be harder for Yixing to hold Baekhyun’s weight.

“Baekhyun, grab my hands.”

“We’ve seen enough action movies to know that won’t work.” Baekhyun joked. His sad eyes sought to meet Yixing’s. Yixing wanted to be so mad at him for joking at a time like this, but he couldn’t get over the fear he was drowning in. He was too afraid of failing to feel anything else.

Baekhyun’s smile returned for a brief moment. “I don’t want to die and make you remember what it was like to have my sweaty hands slip from yours. I want you to remember me telling you that I don’t blame you.”

The cracking got louder. They had mere seconds left.

“Grab my hands! I don’t care. We have to try,” Yixing argued.

“I was happiest when I was with you, my strict academy hyung. Don’t forget me, okay? Tell my family I love them.”

“I love you. Please don’t give u–”

The clip snapped and Baekhyun dropped. Yixing was able to tighten his grip to catch him for a second. His hands were burning so much that they couldn’t hold it and Baekhyun fell through.

“BAEKHYUN!”

The water swallowed Baekhyun up.

You’ll feel empty holding onto something that is long gone.
Tragedy is what you’ll hear in the silence left behind.

—     aashiquidreams // Journal of Dying Dreams

        무슨 고민 있어
WHAT’S TROUBLING YOU

The suicide prevention signs flapped with the wind. Every one of them mocked him in his current state.  

He couldn’t move any parts of his body. Even his eyelids felt heavy with guilt. It all happened so quickly that he almost talked himself into believing it was a dream. The kind where a series of bad things take place one after another, and all it took to escape them was to wake up.

There was no waking up from this.

Tears didn’t come anymore. His throat convulsed to catch every single breath that came its way. For what seemed like hours he sat there pathetically on the ground, sobbing. The staccato raises of his chest wore him out but there was no way to heal this. A broken heart couldn’t be healed.

…

“Ten!”

…

“Ten!”

…

Was someone calling him?

A few bodies circled around him. They all had their flashlights pointed at him. One crouched down to his level.

“Ten, are you okay??”

….

Oh, it was Jongin.

...

“What happened here?” Jongin had his hands on Yixing’s shoulders.

Yixing’s head tilted up at an angle. “What took you so long...?” All the screaming and crying left his throat raw. Every word that came out sounded rough. He broke the hold Jongin’s arms had on him.

“We…” Jongin’s eyes darted over at Sehun.

“We what, Eighty-Eight?”

“We lost signal on your tracker by the time we were ready to deploy again,” Sehun spoke up. “I… I didn’t make note of the last location the tracker was found. It was my fault.”

A glaze of apathy covered Yixing’s eyes. They accepted accountability so easily that he had nothing to direct his anger towards. He read it in Jongin’s eyes that Jongin was ready to cover for Sehun’s mistake. The message written in that type of glance was obvious. He used to read it in Baekhyun’s eyes when they first worked together. Everything that related back to Baekhyun only existed in memories now.

The pain impaled through his chest again. His nostrils flared, breaking the deadened expression he had.

Someone to the right of him shifted around. It was Kyungsoo shining his light all around. He looked back to the van and then down the path of the bridge. Yixing knew what he was looking for. It was only a matter of time before Kyungsoo said something.

Jongin spoke up again, “We found the guy with the orange hair trying to get away. He didn’t get very far though…”

His voice went through Yixing because Kyungsoo solely held Yixing’s attention.

“…Did he act alone…?”

Kyungsoo shone his light into the van.

“…We found some blood on the ground…”

Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed even deeper. A thick gulp was visible. There must’ve been words that he didn’t want to say, but Yixing wanted him to say them.

“Ten…” Kyungsoo finally turned his light towards Yixing. Yixing barely heard his voice with it being buried under his breath like that.

“Ten. Where’s Zero-Four?”

The question got the others’ attention and mobilized them to start looking around too.

“He’s–” He couldn’t get his voice to form into the next word.

“He’s where?” Kyungsoo raised his voice. It sounded full of concern but the tone rubbed Yixing the wrong way.

How was Yixing going to tell them what happened to their teammate? It wasn’t a simple kidnapping again. Baekhyun didn’t have that same luxury.

“Did they capture Baekhyun? Do you know where they’re headed? I’ll go get him back right now,” Jongin was frantic.

When Baekhyun’s name came up, Yixing pictured him falling until he became a mere speck in the distance. He closed his eyes but the image was still there, playing through frame by frame. Hot tears squeezed through his eyes. Jongin broke protocol and use civilian names, but that didn’t phase Yixing. Hearing that name in particular broke him though.

“Say something. Talk to us,” Jongin implored.

“I fucked up.” He looked down at his hands. The spasms controlled each finger like invisible strings.

Dried sweat matted his hair and dried tears stained his cheeks. The other three exchanged looks. No doubt they were concerned about him. Their assistant captain usually carried himself with pride and exuded a strong presence. But this version of Zhang Yixing was tired. Defeated.  

Jongin put his hand on Yixing’s shoulder again. “Let us get him back for you.”

In a bout of anger, Yixing grabbed Jongin by his shoulder straps. The material rubbed against Yixing’s skin in a mocking way. He gripped it tighter and pulled Jongin towards him. This feeling of successfully pulling someone to him gave him no relief. In fact it made everything harder to bear.

“He’s down there,” Yixing pointed at the river below. “Can you guys get him back?”

Revelation spreaded across Jongin’s features. It started with his dropped jaw and climbed its way up to his widened eyes.

Sehun and Kyungsoo ran over to the railing and shone their lights over it.

“It’s useless. It’s all useless.” Yixing released Jongin. “I don’t know where the river’s taken him. I don’t know if he sank all the way to the bottom.” Heavy breaths turned into sobs and sobs turned into screams. He was ready for it to end. The grief kept coming back every time he thought he’d grown numb to it, but he wasn’t. God, he still felt every bit of it in his bones.

–––––––––––

His teammates brought him back to the station. They reported back to Junmyeon what they could gather so far. Minseok and Chanyeol were present when they heard the news about Baekhyun as well. As for himself, he got branded as “In Shock” and got sent to the emergency medical services office. If his physical condition wasn’t so poor, he was sure they would’ve sent him to the police psychologist instead.

The medic healers took care of the contusions Yixing had from the car accident and fights. Those were easy fixes. Two hours passed already and the healers were still switching in and out to heal his arms in portions. Healing what one can’t see for someone else was the hardest. As a healer for yourself, you can redirect the flow of the power to where it needs to go. The body knew itself well enough to know where to fill in the blanks. Healing someone else on the inside involved a lot of guess work, which was not efficient in the least.

Directing your power to places where it didn’t have any use ate up your energy quick. That was why the nurses were only allowed to heal him a little at a time. If he healed himself it would’ve cut the time in half but…

What was the rush?

This healer currently working on his arms gave him a smile then took off her gloves. She marked off something on his clipboard then exited the room.

“If you get two more visits from them, you might get a bingo on your chart.” Jongdae was lying on the bed across from where Yixing was. They hadn't spoken much– Correction, Yixing hadn't spoken much since he arrived. Outside of the quick “I'm glad you're safe” and “Sorry I can't heal you,” he didn't have much else to say.

Jongdae didn't push Yixing to say anything beyond that. He was usually the second best at reading Yixing’s emotional condition. (The first best now by default). After the 2015 downsizing, everybody but Yixing, Jongdae, and Minseok were laid off. He and Jongdae were already close, but they grew even closer after their sub unit merged with the other. The two of them and Baekhyun spent the most time together, and Jongdae was the one who urged them to be together.

“Hyung. Can I ask you something about Baekhyun? I know it's a bit… Soon for you.”

Yixing pondered for a second. Jongdae wasn’t even around when the others were discussing. “...Paper thin walls?”

Jongdae’s eyebrows quirked up then fell back down in one swoop. “Yeah. These walls give our thinner budgets a run for their money. Which probably isn't much considering how much it costs to put in a request for a large hostage negotiation fund. You guys must’ve been through so much to set this up.

This whole thing was my fault. I should’ve been more careful to begin with.”

It didn’t occur to Yixing that the room had more than one person suffering at the hands of their guilt. More than anything, he wished he had comforting words to offer, but he didn’t have any. All he had to relay was the truth of the sad reality, and it hurt too much to be of any comfort.

“Don’t say that. What’s your question?”

“Was h-he…” The words rode along the turbulence of Jongdae’s shuddered breath. “Was he in a lot of pain when he died?”

“No,” Yixing lied. He remembered when Baekhyun woke up in the dead of night because he dreamt he was drowning. In order to calm him down, Yixing had to hold him and tell him Yixing wasn’t going to leave his side. Baekhyun always snuggled close, claiming Yixing’s heartbeats lulled him back to sleep.

But there was no one there to hold Baekhyun this time.

“I’m glad to hear that.” None of Jongdae’s features particularly expressed any relief. Perhaps Jongdae wasn’t convinced, or grief had him bogged down too. Silence simmered around them. Not even a shuffle was heard from the either of them.

The sudden knocks on the door startled them.

“Hey guys,” Junmyeon greeted. “Jongdae, are you feeling better?”

“My wounds have healed. Thanks.”

Yixing noted that the response didn't answer the question. He felt similarly. The physical pain might've been gone but the pain that ran deep within them remained.

“Good. Good.”

By the look in Junmyeon’s eyes, he didn’t come here just to check up on Jongdae.

“Yixing…”

Whatever was at the end of that thought, Yixing knew he wasn’t ready.

Junmyeon looked down at the ground as he spoke. “They’ve found Baekhyun’s body.”

The phrasing pained Yixing. They didn’t find Baekhyun. They found his body.

“Where is he now?” Without hesitation Yixing stood up from his bed. The rest of his healing treatment could wait till the next day. Junmyeon shuffled forward to brace Yixing’s arm for support. Yixing brushed him off. “I’m fine. Where is Baekhyun.”

“At the morgue. You don’t have to go. I thought I’d tell you that the body’s found.”

The option of not going never entered Yixing’s mind. “I’m going.”

“I’m going too,” Jongdae said.

“Fine,” Junmyeon resigned. He rubbed his temples. “The others said they wanted to go too. I’ll drive.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Yixing said. It would’ve been more proper to call him captain. But in this moment, he was acting more like their fellow brother than their leader.

–––––––––––

Chemical scents hung in the air. Fluorescent lights appeared as blobs of yellow stains on the laminate flooring. The floor was free of any evidence that any life came through. Their boots squeaked from the contact with the ground as they came in and wandered around. Yixing hoped that once he came in, he’d be able to feel Baekhyun’s presence since they were in the same building. But nothing. He felt nothing but the AC chilling his skin.

“Hello?” Junmyeon called out.

Metallic clatter could be heard, followed by some quickened footsteps.

“Yes! Yes. Just a moment!” A voice replied.  

A woman in a lab coat came into view as she emerged from a room. “Hello, I’m Doctor Son, but you can call me Seungwan. Or Wendy. I don’t mind. You guys must be, ah…”

“We are O.N.E,” Junmyeon bowed. “We spoke on the phone earlier. Nice to meet you, Seungwan.”

“Oh, yes! The mutant task force.” She smiled through her embarrassment. “I remember now. I am the chief medical examiner here. I thought I could finish an autopsy report before you came. But then I had to check something on the body. I’d shake your hand but.” She held up her gloved hands.

The team collectively winced when they saw the dried blood on the latex.

Seungwan quickly lowered her hands. “Quite sorry about that. If you continue down this way and take a right, you’ll find my office. I need to dispose of these gloves and I’ll be right with you.”

She bowed to them and they returned the courtesy. As she slipped back into her room, Yixing caught a glimpse inside. Beyond the double doors, it looked like a typical scene from a movie or television series. Along the walls were the stacks of drawers that Yixing imagined Baekhyun lying inside. Cold. Alone. Immersed in darkness.

The image followed him all the way into the office. The walls were decorated with personal touches. Photos of smiling people ushered in warm feelings. The color schemes were more welcoming than the other parts of the place that they saw. There were only two seats by the desk, so the guys allowed Jongdae to take one seat since he was still recovering. Everybody knew the other seat was naturally Yixing’s.

“Excuse me. Excuse me. –Oh, you’re tall. Excuse me.”

A pathway was made for Seungwan to pass through once the team parted and stayed close to the walls. She made it all the way back to her desk, and smoothed out her hair and coat once she got in her seat. There was a clipboard in her hands with a photo clipped to it. The back of it was faced up.

“Okay,” she exhaled. “First of all I want to express my deepest condolences for your loss. The fact that you had to come here at all must be very hard on you guys.” Her eyes bounced from one sad face to another. Meanwhile Yixing kept his eyes on the photo on the clipboard. “Thank you guys for all that you do, and for enduring your pain well.

What I’m about to show you is a photo of the body. The photo is of the unidentified person’s face. They were placed against a blue sheet and the shot is from the neck up.” She demonstrated the parameter of the photo with her hand. “The body was in the water for hours. It will appear a little paler and bloated than you’re used to.”

Yixing’s hands clenched in his lap.

“From my analysis, they must have been in some sort of physical altercation. So you will see some bruising around the face. Who should I give this to?” She motioned the clipboard towards Yixing and then Jongdae.

“You’re his best friend. Go ahead,” Yixing said.

“No. I’ll see it either way. You can be the one to turn it over,” Jongdae argued.

Seungwan slid the clipboard back to Yixing’s direction. “You have as much time as you need to turn this photo over. We understand that losing someone is a traumatic experience, so go at this at your own pace. We have all the time in the world. If you need a grief counselor at any point, we can provide one for you.”

Yixing pressed down on the clip to release the photo. He drew a long breath before flipping the photo over.

The photo had some type of power over him. He started shaking, which he tried to contain but failed. He didn’t even know he was rocking in his seat until he felt his team members’ hands resting on him. He looked straight at Baekhyun’s lifeless corpse, and felt his soul shattering into shards. He felt like he was bleeding out from the inside.

“I need to see him,” Yixing said.

“I’m sorry. I’m genuinely sorry for your loss, but this photo is all I can show you for this identification.”

Junmyeon squeezed Yixing’s shoulder. “Yixing, it’s––”

“No,” Yixing pressed. “I– I can’t identify him based off this. Please let me see the body.”

Seungwan regarded him with a pained expression. “Death is a hard experience to cope with. But please understand that it might be harder on you to see the remains of your loved one like that. For that reason, we have a policy of showing the deceased through photo. It’s out of consideration for the living to process the trauma easier.”

The logic behind such a policy was easy to understand, but it didn’t mean anything to Yixing. “Please. Can you make an exception? Just this once. I need to see him.”

“I’m–” She looked around the room with her mouth hanging. “I can’t make exceptions for one person. One person becomes two and then three.”

He knew he was putting her in a tough position, but he had his mind made up. “He died because of me. My last moment with him was him reaching out to me as he fell. I need to see him one last time. I’m begging you.”

“I understand but––”

“What if it was her?” Yixing pointed at the photo frame on her desk.

“Yixing,” Junmyeon warned.

Yixing kept pointing at the girl who was kissing Seungwan in the photo. He recognized that face. Bae Joohyun was in the same class year as him and Baekhyun.

“What if Joohyun was on a job and you lost her, but you couldn’t see her in person one last time?”

“You can see him during the funeral ceremony. We won’t keep him forever. We need you to identify him so we can release him to a funeral home.”

“Would you wait? Would you wait for someone to pump chemicals and put makeup on her before you could say good bye?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she frowned. She paused and Yixing can read on her face that she started pondering the scenario he threw out.

“Doctor Son,” Jongdae said. “We won’t tell anybody. You’re someone who helps people deal with death as best you can, but this… Might be our best chance at closure.”

“Please, Doctor Son.” Jongin pleaded as well.

“Enough,” Seungwan slammed her hands on her desk. “I’ve said what I had to say. I cannot break the rules. I also… Cannot run the risk of misidentifying the body.”

The team exchanged wide eyes looks with each other.

“Let me ask you,” Seungwan continued. She shook her head in an exaggerated manner, “Can you or can you not identify this body from this photo?”

Yixing mirrored her and shook his head. “I can’t.”

“If I showed you the body, you’re running the risk of misidentifying. People jump to ID just so they can get away from the body.” Her head bobbed up and down in a series of nods. “I will need you to look at the face and then point out one distinct physical feature. Are you willing to do this?”

“Yes.”

“Then follow me right this way.” She slid her chair back and walked out from behind the desk.

Yixing bowed deeply in her direction to show her his gratitude.

The double doors he saw before were held open by Seungwan. Being in this place placed an ill feeling in Yixing’s chest. He looked around at the tables and none of the bodies that were out looked like Baekhyun’s. The feeling he had in that moment was overwhelming. It was neither hope or disappointment, but an anticipatory gnawing that demanded to see Baekhyun.

“Is he in one of these?” Yixing asked her.

“The cold chambers? Yes.” Seungwan pulled on one of the handles, and the door slid out.

He waited for her to peel the tarp back to reveal the face. She peered deeply at his face in particular, and it puzzled him why she was stalling.

“Officer, listen. Seeing the corpse might bring back the trauma of losing him. It’s not too late to back out. You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” he said with confidence.

“Anybody else?” She turned to the others.

Sehun raised his hands. “I don’t think I can stomach this. Sorry, Yixing hyung…”

Yixing gave him a single nod to show that he understood.

“I’ll keep him company,” Junmyeon offered.

“I will too,” Jongin said.

Seungwan pointed at the door with her hand, giving them the green light to head out. Yixing didn’t blame them. This was something personal he had to do for himself.

“Okay,” she said once the others were gone. “Brace yourselves. The door is always there if you need to leave.” She pulled back the tarp to reveal the head and neck. It looked exactly like the photograph did. Seeing it with his own eyes solidified it as a hard fact: Baekhyun was dead.

Yixing covered his mouth with his hand for a second. The same hand shifted and wiped the tears away from the corners of his eyes. The tears kept flowing out like hydra heads after being cut. He hid his face into the nook of his elbow.

“Yah, you asshole, Byun Baekhyun.” Jongdae was crying too. “Did you die so I wouldn’t have to pay you back? I’m still going to bring it to your funeral. This won’t be our last time seeing each other, okay?”

“I need to go. Excuse me,” Kyungsoo bowed before leaving.

Chanyeol stepped forward. “Baekhyun-ah. Please pass over well. We’re sorry we weren’t there for you when you needed us. We should’ve been there. We love you and we will miss you.” He bowed and chased after Kyungsoo.

Yixing wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. “I promised you I wouldn’t hide my tears from you anymore. But I can’t keep my word right now. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

He reached out under the tarp and pulled out Baekhyun’s left hand. The feeling differed completely from his memories of holding Baekhyun’s hand. The skin was cold to the touch, and worst of all, unresponsive. His lips pursed to keep from crying out in anguish.

When he composed himself enough, he directed his words towards the doctor. “I can ID this body as Byun Baekhyun. Baekhyun had a large mole on the left thumb, as you can see here.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I can give you a minute with him while I grab the paperwork. Will you be okay?”

Yixing nodded.

In his head he kept imagining the impossible. He saw Baekhyun reassuring Sehun and commending him for knowing his own limits. He heard Baekhyun shouting back at Jongdae at the top of his lungs to keep the money. He would’ve fought day and night for Jongdae to keep his money. He would’ve followed Kyungsoo along with Chanyeol to make sure he was okay. All that life, all that love, were drained out of the body in front of them.

This couldn’t be their new reality…

Yixing’s hands glowed and Baekhyun’s hand was sandwiched in the middle. He had no plan on how to approach this, but he knew he had to try. This wasn’t like a typical spot healing. There wasn’t one specific place or area where Baekhyun needed healing. He needed to be revived.

“Yixing, don’t,” Minseok sounded sad for him.

Even if the rest of them came to terms with this, Yixing couldn’t do the same. His power was always meant to save lives, and he had to save this life no matter what.

“C’mon, Baekhyun. Please come back. I know you’re still there.”

Baekhyun didn’t change in appearance whatsoever.

“Please come back. Come back to me.”

Yixing’s energy filled up Baekhyun’s body one limb at a time. Yixing guided his energy down to Baekhyun’s legs and toes, as well as upwards to the heart and brain. He continued without further interruptions. The other two must've wanted him to be successful too. In their minds, they were probably praying as hard as he was.

“What's going on?” Seungwan questioned.

No one answered her and the lack of responses painted a sketchy photo.

“Officer… It's time,” she pointed out.

Yixing kept forcing his powers to flow into Baekhyun. Maintaining the constant flow at full speed was catching up to him. His head had a tingling sensation like if someone gave him laughing gas. The lightheaded feeling intensified the longer that he held on and used his powers.

“Oh my god!”

He heard her exclaim but couldn't see what she was reacting to. A dot of blood dropped onto the back of his hand. Another dropped right on top of it. The drops pooled together into one. He realized that his nose was the source. He was pushing himself too far and the power was sapping away his own energy.

“You have to stop.” Minseok tried to pull him back but Yixing jerked out of Minseok’s grip.

“I can't. Not until he wakes up.”

“He's gone...”

“No! It's going to work trust me.” Yixing wasn't going to give up; he had to be smarter. Instead of holding onto Baekhyun’s hand, Yixing had one hand over Baekhyun’s chest and one over his forehead. The purple and blue hues from the bruises rescinded. From the outside, the body slowly looked better but his heart still lacked a beat. He had no way of knowing whether the brain was functioning again either.

Minseok threw his arms around Yixing in a grapple. Yixing’s hands lifted off Baekhyun and the contact was broken.

“No. Please. Let me save him.” Yixing wriggled as hard as he could to get away. “Get off of me!”

Minseok held his ground without saying another word.

Yixing drove his elbow back into Minseok’s side three times. Each hit was harder than the last. “I’m sorry, Minseok.” The elder fell to his knees and wheezed.

“Stop!” Seungwan shouted.

Yixing stumbled back to Baekhyun’s side and picked up where he left off.

The double doors opened again.

“What's going on in here?” Junmyeon’s voice boomed through the room.

Junmyeon’s involvement was only going to complicate things. He was a man of results. Yixing needed to work faster before he got closer.

Yixing was having trouble breathing now. His breaths thinned out. They came in shallow and left in a similar manner. It felt like he sprinted nonstop for a long duration of time. Blood never stopped dripping from his nose either. None of these symptoms were going to stop him though.

“Minseok, Jongdae, help me get him.” Junmyeon made a beeline for Yixing.

“Stay away,” Yixing yelled. “He’s still in there. I know it.”

Junmyeon held one arm and Minseok held another. With Yixing’s strength being at an all time low, he couldn't fight them both off.

“Why won't you let me save him?!” He spat the words at the two accusingly. “None of you were there to save him! Let me save him now.”

Neither of them listened to his acidic words. They moved him with such ease that Yixing didn't have time to process. He felt his hands leaving Baekhyun’s skin. Yixing reached out desperately in the air for him.

“His heart just needs to beat. Please don't do this.” Yixing tried tensing up his entire body and dropping to the ground. “Let me bring him back.”

“Yixing, stop. Stand up,” Junmyeon ordered. He and Minseok wrestled Yixing to keep him from crawling back to Baekhyun.

“Let me go!”

“Jongin!” Junmyeon started cuffing Yixing’s hands together.

Yixing knew what was about to happen. They did this for difficult captives all the time. The cuff and port was a two step plan to transfer people into detainment as quickly as possible.

“Please, don't,” Yixing wept. “DON’T.”

“Take him home,” Junmyeon specified softly to Jongin. “Make sure he’s alright.”

“I’ll go with you,” Minseok said.

“I can’t live without him.” Yixing couldn’t fight them anymore. “Let me save him… Don’t take him away from me.”

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Jongin held Yixing by his arm, and Minseok held onto Jongin’s.

The morgue disappeared before Yixing’s eyes and the image of the interior of his apartment took form. This marked the second time he was separated from Baekhyun against his will.

“Get these cuffs off me then get out of my place.”

Reunion means go tremble where you first felt helpless.

—     William Brewer, from “Today I Took You to Our Oxyana High School Reunion"

He wasn't ready to be here again. This was his and Baekhyun’s home, and the shadows of Baekhyun’s life multiplied in these spaces. In a way, he was relieved that the power went out in his apartment complex when they arrived. When the lights died, his rage towards his team members died down as well. Being confronted with the leftover traces of his and Baekhyun’s life together was too much to take in on top of everything else. The darkness helped to cover up everything, and he could breathe again. The root of his problems were still there. He could feel the presence, the lingering haunt, but being shrouded from everything gave him a much needed break.

“Do you have any flashlights? Or candles?” Minseok asked.

“We have flashlights. They’re in a drawer,” Yixing paused with remorse hanging on his tongue. “...I can show you where they are. Jongin, can I get you something to drink?” He mentioned Jongin separately, hoping that Jongin would get that Yixing needed to speak to Minseok alone first.  

“Uh. Water is fine. I’ll be… Here. On my phone. You know where to find me.”  Jongin pulled out his phone and the screen’s light shone over his face. Jongin thumbed through different screens. It was hard to tell if he was actually doing anything, or if he was going through the motions to kill time. Seeing Jongin willingly giving Yixing space like this, even though Yixing snapped at him earlier, brought a pain to Yixing’s chest. He made a mental note to personally apologize to Jongin as well when he got the chance.

Moonlight didn’t give them much to work with but the team came over frequently enough to navigate around themselves. The kitchen’s junk drawer was easy to find and easy to get to. Yixing purposely left the flashlights’ location vague so he could initiate a one-on-one conversation. He pulled out two flashlights from the drawer and tested them. The lights came on and off as rapidly as he clicked their power buttons. He gave the one that responded quicker to Minseok across the counter.  

Minseok muttered a quick “thanks” then turned away.

“Wait,” Yixing said.

The spot of light from Minseok’s flashlight landed on Yixing when Minseok faced him again. Knowing that he owed Minseok an apology, the literal and figurative spotlight on him had his mouth feeling dry. “I'm sorry for what happened back there. I shouldn't have said what I did to you guys. I shouldn't have hit you.”

“I accept your apology,” he said. The metallic surfaces of the utensils on the countertop gleamed in the ray of Minseok’s flashlight. “I get why you did what you did.” Minseok set down his flashlight and started sorting any misplaced utensils back to the correct containers.

“It still wasn't an appropriate response,” Yixing said.

“You're right. It wasn't,” Minseok took the time to sort the utensils further. He moved each utensil back and forth four times before putting them where they belonged. “But you are going through a lot. We understand.”

It stung to recap what happened in the morgue over and over. When those words came out, the voice sounded detached from his body. They echoed as if he heard someone else speak.

“Yixing. Have you ever brought a life back before?”

He recalled the way Minseok and Jongdae initially gave him space to heal Baekhyun. He failed them when he proved himself too weak to get the job done. He lowered his head. “No.”

“You were so confident. For a moment, you had me convinced.”

The clanging of metal against metal took the place of dialogue, and the low rumblings of thunder joined in later. The discord in his mind matched the soundscape around him. After the spectacle he made out of himself at the morgue, he didn’t think anybody would be inclined to believe him. He didn’t want to drive Minseok away by insisting on what seemed impossible, but he needed Minseok to understand. The two of them shared too many experiences for him to shut Minseok out now.

“It wasn’t in my head. His skin had color again. I—I felt his warmth on my hands again. It was like he was alive but not quite there yet.” Yixing sighed when he realized how he sounded. He picked out each phrasing so clearly in his head, but the execution didn’t deliver.

“I’m sorry. I wish it would’ve worked.” Minseok stopped touching the stuff on the counter.

“Yeah, me too… But I guess that’s what I get for trying to play god.” Yixing shrugged to steer things into a casual vibe.

“Imagine if you were successful. It would’ve been very Shelley,” Minseok huffed out a dry chuckle.

“Hmm?”

“Mar— Nothing. It’s nothing. Just something related to my British literature course.”

“Ah,” Yixing smiled. “How’s the road to getting a PhD going?”

“It’s…”

The way Minseok’s shoulders raised up to his ears told Yixing everything. The two of them shared a light laugh together. The way Yixing had to push the breath through his chest felt forced, but he did his best.

Minseok scratched his head. “Yeah, it’s hard but I’m doing well enough.”

“When you get your doctorate in law enforcement, you should become our Senior Chief. Maybe you can even run the bureau.”

“Maybe in the far future. For now, Senior Chief should be you. Your name has been synonymous with ‘hard work’ ever since I met you.”

Yixing had meant it as a joke, but Minseok’s tone was serious.

“I don’t know about that.” Yixing tried to deflect it. “If anything, tonight showed that I’m not ready.”  

“I know that if it was any of us on that bridge tonight, you would’ve done everything for us too. It wasn’t your fault.”

Yixing held back a wince from hearing that last part. “I—”

“You guys!” Jongin called out from the living room. “Guys. Guys. Where are you? Hello??”

They came back to living room with flashlights in hand. Jongin had his hands over his eyes to shield him from the blinding lights. “Ack.”

“Jongin, what is it?” Yixing asked.

“I got a text from Junmyeon.” He had his phone up to show them.

Yixing lowered his light and so did Minseok. They leaned in to get a closer look at the screen.

“Jongin, the screen went to sleep,” Minseok frowned.

Jongin sighed. “Forget it. The summary is that I need to take Yixing back to the morgue.”

“Only Yixing?”

Yixing formed guesses on why that would be the case. Did Seungwan decide to press charges or did Junmyeon want him to personally apologize?

“Um... I guess so? I didn’t ask, but we can all go.”

The two of them grabbed onto Jongin’s firm arms. Neither member knew the reason behind Jongin’s strange behavior. Yixing was too tired to put up any type of fight. Whatever awaited him back at the morgue, he was willing to confront. The sooner he got it over with, the better.

–––––––––––

The smell of the place made its presence known as soon as they reappeared within the facility. Yixing’s stomach lurched.

At the end of the hallway, he spotted Sehun leaning against the wall. He picked up the pace of his walk until he reached where Sehun was. The others were found around the corner sitting still. All of them were quiet, which was an uncharacteristic trait for them. Not one person looked up to make eye contact with any of the three who just arrived. None except Junmyeon, anyway.

“Hey guys,” Junmyeon greeted. “Glad you guys came back.”

“What’s going on?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon pointed to a room that Yixing hadn’t seen before. The room plaque read “Counseling.”

Yixing did his best to suppress his initial reaction. “I’m better now that I’ve had time to breathe. This isn’t necessary.”

Junmyeon didn’t lower his hand.

“Yixing’s not wrong,” Minseok said, but it didn’t phase Junmyeon.

Yixing’s brows furrowed. “I want to deal with this on my own terms.”

“It’s not an option, Yixing. Go in there.”

“This isn’t something you can force me into.”

“Two seconds, Yixing. Go in there for two seconds, and you’ll understand why I’m making this call. This isn’t something I’d do lightly.”

All of Yixing’s anger sat directly in his chest. It rose and it fell, pushing long, hot breaths out his nostrils. He was seething beneath his exterior. This was a bullshit call. He wanted to spit those words in Junmyeon’s face but he stopped himself. He made one scene already. One scene was apparently enough to convince Junmyeon that he needed counseling. Another outburst, and the consequences could be worse. Yixing didn’t have that kind of free time.

“Fine,” Yixing gritted his teeth.

“Yixing, you shouldn’t have to,” Minseok said.

“No. He said two seconds so I’m holding him to it.”

He pushed past Junmyeon and their shoulders collided. Yixing saw it coming but wanted it to happen. He got to the door and put his hand on the handle. His stomach turned again.

How could someone help him if he didn't want to be helped? Everything was too fresh in his mind. He wasn't sure he processed everything for himself yet. Being expected to relay his unprocessed trauma wasn't going to fix anything.

But he promised two seconds. He shouldn't have to be the bigger person, but he did it anyway. From here, he heard Seungwan’s voice carrying on a conversation, no doubt she was probably discussing his behavior more than half an hour ago.

The door handle turned in his hands and he pulled the door back.

“Yeah, of course I’m not okay. That scared the shit out of me,” Seungwan spoke in a hushed voice.

Every line on Yixing’s face spoke of the shame he felt. “I'm sorry.” He bowed, ninety degrees bent at the hip.

Seungwan jumped. “Oh god. I didn't hear you come in.” She shuffled to his side and lifted him out of his bow.

“I didn't mean to intrude. I was told to come in.”

“Yes, of course,” Her smile widened. “There’s someone who wanted to speak to you. They really insisted.”

She gestured her hand at the chair behind the desk. Whoever was in the seat had their back turned to Yixing and Seungwan. The top of their head barely peeked out from the top of the chair.

The two seconds was up already but his feet stayed glued to the ground. It could’ve been the guilt or just the burden of having to mind his manners, but he didn’t walk out. “Good evening. My name is Zhang Yixing. Sorry to keep you waiting. How can I be of service today?” His head bowed down.

The chair squeaked as it spun around.

“You can help me by taking me home,” the voice said.

Yixing’s head sprung right up when he heard it. In the chair was Baekhyun smiling at him. The moon crescent eyes. The square smile. Baekhyun had an oversized lab coat over his small frame. It fitted over the width of his shoulders but was baggy everywhere else. Everything contrasted the last image Yixing had of Baekhyun in the cold chamber. Yixing didn’t dare to believe it. He was scared that hope would be ripped out of his hands again.

He wanted it to be true.

Please, God. Let this be real.

Baekhyun’s lower lip protruded in a pout and Yixing’s heart wrenched. There was no difference between this Baekhyun and the Baekhyun he remembered. Every visual point matched up with the ghost in his memory.  

“I told you we should’ve gone with plan A,” Baekhyun said at Seungwan.

“Your plan would’ve traumatized him,” Seungwan retorted. “He’s still processing.”

“It would’ve been more cinematic.”

“My lab is not a playground or a movie set.”

Baekhyun groaned. “Not with that attitude.”

Everything was on point. Not even a shapeshifter could fake that stubborn wit. It had to be him.

“Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun’s face softened the moment he turned his focus back on Yixing. “Yeah, Xing-ah. It’s really me.”

Yixing raced to Baekhyun and threw his arms around Baekhyun. Yixing found peace in the way Baekhyun fit in the space between his arms. Their last hug replayed again and again in Yixing’s head as the last time he was able to hold Baekhyun. On that bridge, he dwelled on how he took each interaction for granted. In their last hug, Yixing had draped a lazy arm over Baekhyun for a side hug that didn’t even last a few seconds. No matter how he looked at it, it suffocated him to think of how he assumed his future with Baekhyun was guaranteed.

The fabric of the lab coat balled up in Yixing’s hard grip. “I got you now. I got you.” He tightened the embrace when he got a flashback of Baekhyun slipping out of his grasp.  

Baekhyun returned every tight squeeze in silence. He rubbed Yixing’s back the same way he used to when he knew Yixing had a long day.

“If this is a joke, it’s a cruel one.” Yixing spoke through his clenched throat.

“It’s not a joke. I really died, and now I’m back.”

Yixing wiped the tears collecting at the corners of his eyes away with his thumb. When he was sure he got all of them, he separated from the hug so he could look at Baekhyun. From any proximity, he still found Baekhyun’s face breathtaking. For someone who drowned from a long fall, Baekhyun looked the same as ever.

“So did I bring you back or…?”

Seungwan raised her hand. “I can answer that. Heh. The deceased– Previously deceased’s body, I mean– sustained some impact trauma from the fall into the water. There were also abrasions and bruising that I determined were the results of a physical assault. As for the drowning, it left the major organs in pretty bad shape. With your power you were able to restore all of the physical attributes back to their natural state.”

The information slowly built a full picture for Yixing, but he lacked a piece of information to tie it all together. “I always knew I could repair people but to revitalize them like this...”

“Well,” Seungwan continued. “Think of Baekhyun as a car. You were able to fix all the broken inner mechanic parts and the outer aesthetic parts. The car’s engine needed to be started though.”

“Wait, wait.” Yixing held up his hand. “So what started Baekhyun’s heart?”

“The power of love through your magically imbued tears,” Baekhyun smirked.

“No, not that,” Seungwan cutted in. “When you left, one of the guys on your team stood by the body. I think he had something to do with restarting Baekhyun’s heart.”

Yixing thought back to that scene. Jongin and Minseok transported out of the lab with him, so that left Junmyeon and… “Jongdae. He could've defibrillated the heart.”

“Wait, don't tell me. He's one of those people with Electrokinesis?”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. That is so awesome. Holy shit.” Seungwan was almost vibrating from her enthusiasm. “Yeah, so he was basically a human AED. You were lucky to have someone to restore your body back to full health, and someone to put your body back in action.”

Baekhyun pinched and twisted a spot on Yixing’s arm.

“Ow ow ow.” Yixing pulled away.

“That reminds me. She told me you almost died trying to bring me back.”

“That's an exaggeration. I wasn't dying.” A bloody nose and headache didn’t have to mean death.  He survived worse conditions before.

The occasions where Baekhyun stayed silent were far and few between. Assuming that Yixing read this particular situation correctly, Baekhyun didn’t believe Yixing’s explanation. Beneath that stoic face, it was likely that Baekhyun was upset. A smile grew across Yixing’s face.

“What are you smiling for?” Baekhyun’s tone and his expression contrasted one another. He sounded like he wanted to stay mad but his smile mirrored Yixing’s.

They sat there grinning at each other and Yixing could tell it was an odd time for this. He didn’t want to be sappy in front of someone else in the room. The words hid behind his tongue. He wanted to say how much his ears longed for the sound of Baekhyun’s breathing, or his eyes wanted to drink up every sight of Baekhyun merely blinking. All these minor details were ones that he now had an immense appreciation for.

Instead he settled for a simple “I’ll tell you later” and held Baekhyun’s hand.

The door opened and Junmyeon’s head peeked through the door. “I’m here to announce that two seconds has passed about three minutes ago. Are you two having a good reunion?”

“Cheeky. Did you come up with this idea, hyung, or did this one come up with it?” Yixing pointed at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun then pointed at Seungwan.

Visibly affronted, Seungwan pointed straight back at Baekhyun. “You specifically told me to bring each person in one by one. I heard you explain the plan nine times.”

“Seven times, actually. Your defense is falling apart,” Baekhyun shrugged casually. The joke got a muffled chuckle from Yixing.

“I thought it was a bit much, but I couldn’t say no to him,” Junmyeon admitted. “Everybody thinks that you’ve gotten enough alone time with him by the way.”

The rest of the crew came pouring in with Jongin and Minseok leading the crowd. They rushed forward to express their joy over having him back. Everybody’s voices overlapped one another’s. It was one joke followed by another, except Baekhyun’s voice was missing. Yixing had already released Baekhyun’s hand but the fact that Baekhyun held on stood out to him. The act called attention to other details as well. Baekhyun’s eyes were restless. Something was off in the way he watched everybody. By following Baekhyun’s line of vision, Yixing hoped to find whatever Baekhyun was searching for.

He looked at one person to the next. The reactions were all across the board, from elated like Jongdae and Minseok’s to shocked like Sehun’s. Nothing unusual stood out to him other than the tension within every one of Baekhyun’s movements. Yixing’s fingers curled back over Baekhyun’s hand. Whatever troubled Baekhyun, Yixing wanted him to know Yixing was here for him.

Yixing cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt… I think it’s time to get Baekhyun home. He’s been here long enough.”

“One second here is too long for anybody,” Jongin remarked.

Yixing saw Baekhyun’s eyes shoot over to the doctor standing by the corner of the room. “No offense, Seungwan. You run a great facility here,” Baekhyun said.

Following in his footsteps, Yixing chimed in as well. “Yes, you have been very hospitable. I apologize again for making a scene back there.”

Seungwan laughed nervously. “Ah, no. No, don’t worry. I mean, it’s a morgue. I get it. Plus it’s not every day I get to see someone rise from the dead.”

“Sorry for startling  you,” Baekhyun lowered his gaze in embarrassment.

“Sorry for slapping you,” she said back. The room became animated with snickers and stifled laughing from everybody else.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh at the revived guy. See if I come back next time I die.” Baekhyun directed that at his team. His mouth widened and a yawn rolled out. “I’m exhausted now, so I’m going to go hit the hay. Let’s go home, Yixing,”

“I don’t have my car. Junmyeon drove us here, but if you really want to get home quick, we have another option.”

As if on cue, Jongin released a long sigh. “Alright this one’s for Baekhyun. Grab on.”

–––––––––––

The entire apartment had its power back by the time they came back. Yixing finally got Jongin that glass of water he promised from last time. Being in this space felt so much easier now. He didn’t fear running into memories that hid behind every corner and object around him. He detached from the strings of grief that held him back.

Jongin stayed to hear a recap of what Baekhyun remembered. The summary of the night’s events was concise– Mechanic, even. At every turn, the words lacked emotional attachment. It ended with a simple “Sorry, everything’s still fuzzy in my head.” Blame was passed back and forth for quite some time between the three of them. Each of them wanted to absolve the others of accepting the guilt all onto themselves.

“I should’ve saved you.”
“I should’ve been more careful.”

“I should’ve found you guys sooner.”

Finally, they settled on the explanation that nobody could be blamed for what happened. Yixing agreed for Baekhyun’s sake. Baekhyun needed to rest and the conversation needed to meet its end.

Normally, they walked their guests out but this guest didn’t need one. Goodbyes were exchanged and Jongin disappeared on the spot.

The couch cushions scrunched as Baekhyun sat down.

“Long night, huh?” Yixing said. An oversimplification.

He took Jongin’s glass and put it into the sink. The glass clanked when the edges banged against the metal. Over the humming of the refrigerator's motors, he heard a soft sound. The more attention he paid to the sound, the clearer he could pick it out. It came frequently. It sounded like sniffling.

Yixing dashed back into the living room and saw Baekhyun hunched over, with his head in his hands. A trembling motion ran through Baekhyun’s shoulders. Yixing sat himself right beside Baekhyun and wrapped his arms around the other. Baekhyun’s head rested against Yixing’s chest like a natural reflex. Each of his sobs resonated in Yixing’s chest.

It tore Yixing up to think about how much effort Baekhyun put into being his normal self. The smiles and jokes were synonymous with Baekhyun, but Yixing saw them wear Baekhyun down as well. Words like ‘You didn’t have to do that yourself’ and ‘They would’ve understood’ lingered around Yixing’s lips. He couldn’t voice them though. They’ve taken turns being on both sides of this exact conversation before. Internalizing their hardships became a habit for them.

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun gasped between each exhale.

“Don’t say that. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“The prank I pulled on you. It was mean.”

Yixing cupped his hands around Baekhyun’s face. “Hey. Hey, I’m not mad at you. Not in the least.”

“It was the only thing I could think of. It was the only way I could get it done.”

“I’m not following. What were you trying to do?”

“It’s just— Everything that happened is still fresh in my head. It doesn’t seem like it was hours ago. It still feels like I just fell. It’s all in my head. Our mission was compromised in such a strange way. It just… It just doesn’t add up.”

The mission details never came up in Yixing’s mind until now. This entire time Baekhyun stayed in the forefront of all his thoughts. However, what Baekhyun was suggesting baffled him.

“You think one of them had something to do with it?” Just saying the words alone brought him discomfort.

“I don’t know. I hate myself for considering it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. At any moment they could do something to me or you. I don’t know.”

Yixing used his sleeve to dab around Baekhyun’s eyes and under his nose. Pink hues painted those features due to the purge of emotions. “I hear you. Let’s discuss this tomorrow. When we have our minds together, we will figure things out together.”

“I’m scared,” Baekhyun whispered.

“You won’t have to be alone. I’m with you, and we can take things easy. One step at a time until we get some normalcy. The first step is to...” He glanced down at the lab coat. “Get you into your own clothes. Or mine, since I know they’re your favorite.”

“Tch.” Baekhyun scoffed. His lips spread into a sharp grin.

“Do you feel safe enough to shower?”

“No.”

“So change of clothes, teeth brushing, then bed. Sounds like a plan?”

“Mmh.” Baekhyun wiped his hands across his eyes. “I’m ready.”

–––––––––––

Once Baekhyun got out of the lab coat, Yixing took the liberty to toss it straight into the washing machine. The morgue scent didn’t cling onto Baekhyun as much since he got into one of Yixing’s hoodies. Yixing made good on his word to stay by his boyfriend’s side. Even as Baekhyun got himself ready to brush his teeth, Yixing stuck around. More accurately, he stuck to Baekhyun by hugging him from behind. How could he resist when Baekhyun’s shoulders provided a suitable place for him to comfortably rest his head on? Hearing Baekhyun’s pleased giggles made it even more worthwhile.

Yixing watched the domestic acts of loading a toothbrush up with toothpaste and spitting out the foam transpire. Each act was a different treasured moment to him. He couldn’t ask for any greater joy than this, being able to live out common moments with someone he loved.

Baekhyun turned on the faucet and cupped his hands together under the stream of water. The water pooled up within his hands and ran over the sides.

Everything went black.

It was different from when the power went out while Jongin and Minseok were here. Yixing couldn’t see any figures or outlines among the darkness. The experience was more similar to the effects of being hit with Baekhyun’s flash bomb maneuver.  He felt blinded again. Logically though, the bathroom did lack windows like other parts of the apartment.

His hands patted around Baekhyun’s body to make sure he was okay. “Are you alright?”

There was a pause.

“Baekhyun?”

The reply came immediately this time. “I’m okay. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. The storm is still knocking power out I guess.” He sighed. The sound of water running out of the faucet continued on. He reached out, carefully navigating around through touch, and turned the faucet knob off.

All in an instant, everything became visible again. The abrupt shift from no light back to light strained Yixing’s eyes. The first sight that Yixing saw was Baekhyun rinsing and spitting out the water. The light bulbs over their heads shone like normal.

“Wow, that was so quick. I didn’t even get the chance to ask you to make some light.”

Baekhyun chuckled. “Next time I’m going to start charging to be someone’s human flashlight. It’ll be hourly.”

Yixing feigned offense. “No discount for someone who’s dating the human flashlight?”

“No, but I’ll take payment in the form of a good cuddle.”

An amused grin returned to Yixing’s face after what seemed like an eternity. Grabbing Baekhyun’s hand, Yixing led him back to the bedroom. “You drive a hard bargain, but deal. Anything to fill my life up with a little light to fight the darkness.”

Are you healed or do you only think you’re healed?

—     Louise Glück, from Mutable Earth

All morning long, the sounds that came with cooking kept Yixing company. From the knives hitting the cutting board to oil sizzling in the pan, there wasn’t a real quiet moment. But he kept everything as soft as he could, so he wouldn’t wake Baekhyun up abruptly. Of all dishes that Yixing made, stir fried peppers and pork was Baekhyun’s favorite. Every time he served this dish, it gave way to an old running joke. Baekhyun liked to joke extensively about how the dish reminded him of his childhood in Changsha. He waved countless stories of him and Yixing growing up together. It quickly became associated with bright smiles and side splitting laughs. After the night they had, it felt crucial to start off the day on a good note like this.

The wooden spoon banged against the pan when he scooped half of the stir fry out. He made his movements gentler to soften the sounds. All the meat and peppers piled up on the plate. He moved them around with a fork, so they’d look more presentable. Lastly, with a napkin wrapped around his finger, he wiped the plate’s edges clean.

Inhale.

Exhale.

The most work intensive part was over. The result looked almost picture perfect, but the real payoff was going to be in Baekhyun’s reaction. Yixing wanted to do something nice for his boyfriend. He carefully grabbed the dish to move it to the table. He turned away from the stove counter. Something entered his line of sight from the corner of his eyes.

Someone was behind him.

The proximity left little room for anything but a fight or flight reaction. Out of reflex, he dropped the plate. The shattering against the floor was sharp enough to cut him out of his daze. He realized that the person beside him was Baekhyun. Baekhyun retracted his arms like they were out trying to hug Yixing. This wasn’t the first time he snuck behind Yixing to hug him while he cooked. Yixing blamed himself for not hearing Baekhyun approach. He had let the his gift to Baekhyun slip out of his hands.

“I’m— I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun stammered “I got this.” He crouched down immediately. He gingerly picked out one of the ceramic pieces.

The plate broke into large shards. Each shard looked sharper than the last. Yixing’s stomach leapt to his chest. “Leave it. Just leave it,” he said.

There was a frantic manner behind Baekhyun’s movements. He was afraid Baekhyun would hurt himself if his mind was as scattered as it seemed.

“Baekhyun,” he said softly. “I’ll do it.” He reached out to take the pieces off Baekhyun’s hands.

“Yixing, I can handle this,” Baekhyun turned away.

“Ah—” Yixing hissed. An edge nicked his palm. Blood spilled out of the cut. It didn’t sting that much so he assumed the cut was very deep. The amount of blood that pooled in his hand suggested otherwise however. A glow emitted from his hand without another thought. The wound rescinded until it disappeared completely. His skin was smooth and free of any wound, but the blood still sat on top.

He got up to run his hand under the running faucet. The blood dyed the water a rust red color as it circled down the drain. He turned his head away from the sight.

His eyes met Baekhyun’s widened eyes.  So much vigilance laid behind Baekhyun’s stare. Yixing couldn’t shake the feeling that Baekhyun was on edge this whole time. It pained him to see Baekhyun like this. The plan was to have a quiet morning together but everything went wrong. Yixing turned off the faucet and wiped his hand dry with a paper towel.

“Are you okay?”

Yixing looked upon Baekhyun’s concerned face with a pang in his chest. “Yeah, silly,” he scoffed. “Look. Not a single scar.” He held up his palm for Baekhyun to inspect. “Are you okay?”

“Of course.”

The snap reply caught Yixing off guard. It was so casual and frank in tone.

“I’m just…” Baekhyun added on. “I mean. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you and get you injured.”

The sadness in Baekhyun’s words initiated a knee-jerk response for Yixing to come to his side. Yixing had his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders, and gave them a reassuring squeeze. “None of that was your fault. I’m fine.”

“Just because you’re fine doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”

“Then I’m saying that I’m not holding any of it against you. So there.” Yixing smiled at him. Baekhyun reciprocated with some visible hesitation.

“Let me help you clean up at least. Now there’s a four star meal and blood on the floor.”

“No. Your only job is to enjoy your food. I will clean this up.”

Baekhyun’s teeth flashed through his smile. “You’re going to serve me floor food, Chef Zhang? This is so unlike you.”

“Aiyo,” Yixing sighed. “What are you saying? I still have half in the pan.”

The corners of Baekhyun’s mouth receded back to their original positions. “That’s your portion though, isn’t it? What are you going to eat then?”

A shrug. “Rice and eggs.”

Yixing got a hard stare in return.

Baekhyun scratched a spot behind his ear. “Why don’t we share what’s left? Just like we used to every night back…

“In Changsha.”

“In Changsha.”

Their voices overlapped in a tight harmony then split off into their separate laughs.

“Fine,” Yixing resigned. “We’ll do as you suggested.”

They came to an agreement that Baekhyun would throw the large pieces out, Yixing would sweep, then Baekhyun would mop up after. Time passed smoothly and far more pleasantly with Baekhyun around. Yixing’s stomach growled a few times, earning him some light jabs from Baekhyun in return.

When they settled down and ate, everything came together so easily. Nothing out of the ordinary distinguished this breakfast from any other breakfasts they shared together.

“...And then your mom got mad at you for not practicing the piano, so she threatened to take your games away. Remember?”

Yixing fished out his phone from his pocket. The vibrations went off in the middle of Baekhyun’s story. “I'm pretty sure I told you that story before.”

“Well we both lived it so does it really matter?” Baekhyun shoved the last of his rice into his mouth.

JUNMYEON HYUNG: Don't worry about making it to the station on time today. I want you to take Baekhyun to the clinic and get a check up first. His health comes first.

Yixing placed his spoon down on the table so he had both hands to text with.

Thank you. We will go as soon as we can. Do you want us to bring back an official report or anything?

“Who's the home wrecker?” Baekhyun teased.

“Not funny. It's Junmyeon hyung.”

“Ah. Untrustworthy Junmyeon.”

“Baekhyun.”

“Sorry.”

JUNMYEON HYUNG: Yes. I need it to clear him and say that he's fit to work again. I had to get a written statement from Seungwan and I have a feeling resurrection is going to be too weird… Even for our Commandants.

Junmyeon wasn't exactly wrong, Yixing thought to himself. Super powers were one thing, but successfully crossing the line of life and death was unheard of.

Yes. I can imagine it’ll be rough to believe. Hopefully with hard evidence, they will buy it.

JUNMYEON HYUNG: Fingers crossed.

He put his phone face down on the table. “So we need to get you a health clearance. We have to head to the clinic after we put the dishes up.”

Baekhyun’s head slowly peeked up. “Really? Like it's mandatory?”

“Yeah. We need you to get back to work. Maybe not immediately but eventually.”

“I know, but the protocol is if you get super injured or sick. I don't know if death really fits either categories.”

Yixing’s eyes squinted. “I think death is more worrying and definitely warrants a check up. Might be just me who thinks this.”

“I seem healthy enough though? Is it really my business if anything else is going on with my body?”

“Both yours and mine. So no more excuses.” Yixing picked up his plate and utensils, and placed them beside the sink. “Remind me to bleach the sink when we get back.”

“Sorry about cutting you on accident.” Baekhyun stacked his stuff beside Yixing’s.

“I forgive you,” He leaned in to give Baekhyun a kiss. “Now get dressed, we should go.”

Baekhyun’s face lit up into a ridiculously wide smile.

“Hey, you think we have time for a quick one though?” Baekhyun asked sincerely.

Yixing threw an arm over Baekhyun and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You have two minutes to get out of those clothes… and into new ones. We’re going straight to the doctor’s.”

Baekhyun pushed him away and muttered ‘tease’ under his breath.

————————

They both hesitated to get in the car. They debated calling a taxi before mutually deciding to spare themselves the taxi fare. There was quite a distance between their apartment and the clinic anyway. It was one of the few clinics for enhanced humans around, so they didn't have a choice.

As driver once again, Yixing took it easy. All his energy poured into obeying every sign and light that he came across.

The only thing that broke his focus was Baekhyun’s voice. “So I just thought about this. Remember what I brought up last night?”

Yixing remembered.

But he didn't want to acknowledge it. He thought once Baekhyun got some sleep in him, he'd come to his senses. Instead of confirming or denying, because he wanted to skip this talk, he waited for Baekhyun’s next move. Baekhyun had the tendency to talk on without prompt anyway.

“Never mind.”

That wasn't what Yixing expected at all. Cases where Baekhyun brushed off what he wanted to say were rare instances. Baekhyun faced the window and Yixing wondered if this really meant that much to him.

“After the check up. We’ll talk about it then,” Yixing promised.

————————

Baekhyun’s legs swing off the side of the bed. His face had a sour expression every time the doctor stepped out of the office. Even Yixing couldn’t get him to stop being a baby about this. Going to the doctors was never his favorite thing to do, even before he got cocky about having a healer boyfriend.

( “You know I can’t heal illnesses, right? I ditched my med classes for the academy.”

“Yeah, but that’s what we have Naver and YouTube for now. Free education.” )

Doctor Kwon came back into the room, and Baekhyun sat up straight again.

“Here you go. Here’s a copy of your medical charts for your department records,” she handed him several sheets of paper that were stapled at the top.

“Does this mean I’m fit to work?” Baekhyun’s eyes lifted up like a child paying close attention to an authority figure.

“Considering what you guys told me, I think it’s incredible you’re in the state you’re in.” Her words sounded weighted. Yixing could hear the other shoe hanging on the end of her sentence, waiting to drop.

She flipped through the folder in her hands. “Compared to your last physical, your push up, sit up, and pacer run numbers have decreased. Your blood pressure’s lower which explains your heartbeat and breathing sounding fainter. You didn’t feel comfortable to demonstrate your power either. I think it’s a little quick for you to go back. The best thing for you right now would be to just take it easy. Monitor your diet. Then come back in two weeks for a follow up.”

“Doctor Kwon. Is Baekhyun healthy though? Those conditions you mention can all improve, right?” Yixing wanted Baekhyun to have peace of mind.

She nodded. “Technically, yes. I’ve never seen a case of resurrection before so I can’t give you a concrete answer. But it’s only been a day since he’s come back. It could get better. That’s why I’d like for you guys to return soon, so we can monitor his health.”

The explanation didn't distinguish the situation from black or white. Yixing didn't blame Doctor Kwon but he was disappointed regardless.

“I guess I can finally use those vacation days, I've been stockpiling,” Baekhyun rubbed his hands together. “Thank you for writing my ‘get out of gym’ note.”

“I’m writing you more than that.” She clicked her pen and scribbled out something on her pad. “For the next two weeks, please follow these tips, such as eating more food with higher sodium levels, drinking more fluids. Non alcoholic. Also try to get some exercise to get the blood circulating.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” The words came out with the same strength as a salute to an officer. Baekhyun did the hand gesture to complete the package.

Doctor Kwon passed off the note and shook her head at Baekhyun. Her smile was tucked under her no-nonsense facade. “You be good, okay? I’m glad you’re alive.”

Baekhyun puffed his chest out and saluted again. “Thank you, Doc—”

“She heard you the first time,” Yixing elbowed him playfully. “We’ll get going now. Thank you for everything. We’ll see you again.”

They bowed to each other, then Baekhyun and Yixing departed for the parking lot.

————————

They got into the car comparatively faster than last time. Someone’s tires screeched from a distance and both of them flinched. It was nice that Yixing had someone who understood what he went through, but it was a shame that it happened in the first place.

He started the car and braced himself.

“What’s on your mind, Baekhyun? In regards to what you brought up last night that is.”

An awkward pause sat in between them. The car weaved from one lane to the next, and stopped at a red light.

“You didn’t think it was weird how we got ambushed by other En’s?”

“They weren’t just any En’s either. They were definitely users since their powers were so limited.” Yixing recalled the two Enhanced humans behind the other car. One with a watered down telekinesis, the other with a watered down electrokinesis. “If they were working with the ones at the dock, then that means Jongdae’s kidnappers were Black Lotus members as well.”

“I was thinking along the same lines.”

Yixing tried to phrase the next sentence as carefully as possible. “Do you think one of us would be working with Black Lotus? After all that time we’ve spent tracking them and arresting every member we can find?”

Baekhyun gulped. Wrinkles appeared all around his facial features. “I don’t like it either, but how do you explain them knowing where our van was?”

The cars in front of them slowed to a full stop at the entrance onto the freeway. Yixing checked over his shoulders before merging out of that lane. The access roads were slow but at least there was movement along them.

“Can we at least consider all of the administrative people who also knew our plan? Or maybe some En’s who can read minds or something?” Yixing pitched the ideas out.

“What about when they found us again after we clearly lost them? The ones that Life Unit caught at the dock were kinetics as well from what Junmyeon told me at the morgue. No psychics there.”

“Well—” He had nothing but his faith in his team left.

“I’m not trying to argue. I’m just trying to consider the possibilities.”

“They’re our brothers,” Yixing glanced over at his passenger. “You saw how concerned they all were for you last night.”

Baekhyun frowned. “I think it’s better to be on the safe side.”

“Thank you for being honest with me.” That was their key phrase for whenever a talk edged on being uncomfortable. They both tried to value the fact that they felt safe being honest with each other, but acknowledge that there were also boundaries.

He waited for Baekhyun to say his part.

‘Thank you for listening to me’ should’ve come right after.

Instead, Baekhyun pointed over to a parking garage ahead of them. “Park in there. I need to show you something.”

A ringing pierced through every part of Yixing’s mind. The pattern of his breathing thinned out. What could Baekhyun show him there? And did it tie into the conversation they were having? Yixing imagined Baekhyun pulling out evidence that would definitely convict one of their teammates. Who would it be? Who had the motive to turn against the side of justice? No way Jongdae planned his own kidnapping. Imagining anybody being complicit in orchestrating that made Yixing sick.

The car engine died with a turn of the key once they reached their destination.

“What is it?” Yixing asked with trepidation.

Baekhyun rolled back his sleeve. Yixing saw Baekhyun’s forearm, looking the same as it ever did. In a haste Baekhyun rubbed his forearm with tenacity.

“What are you doing?”

The even complexion gave way to some spots. The dark spots connected and grew. Soon it was a dark patch. By the time Baekhyun was done, it looked like a bruise was forming on his skin. It took a moment before the images formed into a cohesive thought, and Yixing realized Baekhyun covered up the bruise with makeup.

“I haven't been honest with you. I'm sorry.”

Yixing didn't know what he was looking at. “Who did this to you? Did you…”

“No,” Baekhyun interjected sharply. “No one did this. I woke up and it was there.”

“Does it… hurt?” He wanted to reach out and touch it to confirm it was real, but the sight alone broke his heart.

“No. But… I know it should.”

That sentence drove Yixing past the brink of how much he could cope with in one sitting. Yixing fell back into his seat and his hands pressed against his temples.

“Yixing…”

There were rough edges all around Baekhyun’s voice. Yixing shook his head as if he already knew he couldn't take what came next.

“I lied to you this morning about your dish. I couldn't taste anything.” Baekhyun bit his trembling bottom lip. “I faked the reflex test. I-I don't know how I passed so many things back there.”

“Anything else?”

“I don't know.”

“You don't know?” Yixing’s frustration was clearly heard between the lines. He didn’t mean to snap at Baekhyun. The situation went over his head, and he didn’t know where to even start grasping at straws. He made mental grabs for any level of comprehension but still ended up empty handed.  His head dropped into his palms.

“I…” Baekhyun squirmed in his seat and picked at his own earlobe. Yixing didn’t see any of that. Nor did he see the pained look Baekhyun wore. There was bliss in the normalcy behind their breakfast this morning. That was all Yixing wanted to picture in his mind. It was all he wanted to believe in now that he knew it was only a mirage.

He wanted to believe in Baekhyun.

He wanted to believe Baekhyun will be okay.

“Thank you for listening to me, Yixing.”

It is not enough to love someone when they show you their light.

You have to love them enough to want to embrace their darkness as well.

—     thedemonkings// Letters to Shannon

Sleep didn't come easily that night.

Baekhyun lied just a reach away with his back turned. They didn’t speak to each other much after that car ride. After Baekhyun got dropped off at home, Yixing didn’t see him again until work was over. At dinner, the clinks of utensils hitting the bowls and plates spoke the loudest. The space in between was hard to bear. They told themselves that going to bed angry should be avoided, but Yixing wasn’t angry.

He was terrified.

The empty hours of the night were filled with assessments of the events from earlier today. Junmyeon approved Baekhyun’s two week vacation. The team looked glum after hearing the update from the clinic, but none looked as disconnected as Yixing. The others didn’t have to bury skeletons in the closet the way Yixing did. He willingly picked up the figurative shovel to help Baekhyun out, but he had to wonder. How long before he’d have to use it to dig a grave for Baekhyun at this rate?

The bed creaked as Yixing shifted and scooted closer towards Baekhyun. He slipped an arm underneath the blanket, and snaked it around Baekhyun’s torso. The way Baekhyun’s entire body moved with his breaths was like serenity. It lulled Yixing into thinking of nothing else but the person he was holding. His head rested against Baekhyun’s back. In that moment, Yixing felt himself being pulled in closer.

He closed his eyes. Within the darkness, all he saw in his mind was the discoloration and bruising on Baekhyun’s arm.

————————

“Did you sleep well last night?” Baekhyun’s feet shuffled into the living room.

Yixing nodded casually. “Well enough. Why do you ask?”

Baekhyun slumped onto the couch and laid his head in Yixing’s lap. It was a routine by now. “You woke up and did laundry right away. I thought I was roomies with Minseok again.”

“I just… felt like doing something,” Yixing replied. It was courteous to return the question, and ask how Baekhyun was. There were grey rings around Baekhyun’s eyes and a paleness that stretched over his lips. It was like he knew the answer already.

“You were supposed to laugh at my witty reference.” Baekhyun’s voice sounded as soft as he looked at the moment.

Yixing brushed loose strands of hair out of Baekhyun’s face. He cleared the space so  Baekhyun’s eyes didn't have to peer through the curtains of his bangs. The eyes glimmered as they stared up at Yixing. They fluttered close when Yixing leaned over to kiss Baekhyun. They came out of the soft kiss with grins on their faces. Every movement Yixing made all screamed in unison that he didn't want to live without Baekhyun. He only wished that the universe would hear him.

“If you keep rewarding my wit like this, I'm going to keep expecting it,” Baekhyun joked.

‘If you keep living healthily, I'll give you anything you want.’

“Oh!” Baekhyun exclaimed. “Junmyeon wants me to come in today.”

“Why?” Yixing replied a little too sudden, a little too defensive.

“He had some questions about the report I emailed him last night.”

“Working while you’re on a vacation. That’s impressive.” Yixing mindlessly brushed his thumb against Baekhyun’s cheek. The action coaxed a sweet smile from Baekhyun.

“I guess not impressive enough.”  He pouted haughtily and Yixing mimicked it out of solidarity.

It was strange though. Out of everybody, Baekhyun had the best written reports. He detailed each event with such clarity. After reading a few of Baekhyun’s reports, Yixing was motivated to remember more direct quotes and details too. Despite his efforts, he couldn’t pull it off with the same natural manner. He couldn’t see why Junmyeon would have any questions in regards to it, unless…

“Did you write something about suspecting that there’s a mole?”

The sweet smile faded. “No. I kept that to myself. Kept this to myself too.” He held up his forearm.

“How is that still there...?” The words spilled out like a hushed whisper.

Baekhyun lowered his arm. “Yeah… I’m afraid it’s still there.”

“I haven’t told them about it either. Come on. We’ll grab breakfast then swing by the station.”

“But I can’t…”

Yixing swallowed hard. “I know. Flavor or not, you need food.“

The silence carried their doubts forward and Yixing could feel it in the air. It was like static that shocked them into high alert. Yixing wanted to ease the mood again. “We might have enough time for a quickie.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “Wait, really?”

“No,” Yixing laughed. “Get up and get dressed. We do have fresh laundry.”

“You’re a tease, Zhang.”

————————

The station lit up with applause and cheering when Baekhyun entered through the doors. All of it went straight to his head. Yixing watched him giving the royal wave to everybody as if he was the Queen of England. They all probably missed him a lot because they continued to feed his ego. Chanyeol, the dramatic one as usual, fell to his knees and bowed.

“You still know how to make an entrance, don’t you?” Junmyeon said, motioning for Yixing and Baekhyun to take a seat in his office.

“It’s just in my blood, I guess,” Baekhyun shrugged playfully.

“I’m glad to have you here with us. I just had a few follow up questions for you, but having you both here is great. You were both at the scene when the rest of us were, regretfully, absent.” Junmyeon clicked his pen and positioned his hand over the notepad.

“I’m ready when you are.”

“Okay, so you think the two suspects were after the money in the van?”

That was a simple question, Yixing noticed. Even without Baekhyun’s report, his own report outlined that out clearly. Maybe Junmyeon wanted to start off with something simple to establish a basis.

“Yes,” Baekhyun answered.

“You stated in your report that before Captain Zhang fired his gun at the driver, the driver shouted something. I quote, ‘There should’ve been one,’ end quote. What do you think this is in reference to?”

Yixing’s brows furrowed. “I don’t even recall he said that. I remember that he said something but it didn’t stick with me.” This is one of those moments where he wished he had Baekhyun’s memory.

“Did he say anything else?” Junmyeon scribbled something down. “Or did the man in the orange hair say anything suspicious prior to him being... handcuffed? If my memory serves me right.”

“The second guy was definitely the more talkative one,” Yixing tried his best to recall that night. “He didn’t say anything outside of cursing at us to provoke us. The only thing I remember the driver saying was... “ He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It was uh… ‘I don’t want to die’ over and over.”

“I see,” Junmyeon remarked. “Men with flashy statements like a dragon and tiger tattoo usually are talkative in some ways. Baekhyun, what do you think?”

Baekhyun looked like a deer in headlights. His eyes were wide and vacant.

“Baekhyun?” Junmyeon called for him again.

“Sorry. Sorry. The memory of the driver falling is a bit… fresh.” Baekhyun scratched at a spot behind his ear. “I don’t recall anything else that was said.”

“Did the men give you an impression that they knew each other pretty well?”

Baekhyun placed his hands in his lap, folded together. “Not exactly. They came in the same car but they fought separately. When one was down, he wouldn’t call for the other to help. They didn’t work as a team, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I think that is all I have to ask. I must say. Your memory’s as impeccable as ever, Baekhyun.”

“And yet I can never seem to remember the day,” Baekhyun chuckled.

Junmyeon turned his wrist around to get a look at his watch. “Today is… your second day off.” He pointed two finger guns at Baekhyun. “It’s also Friday.”

The word jump started something in Yixing’s head. “Oh. Date night.”

“No, thank you. Dating my assistant captain would be weird,” Junmyeon said in a canned voice.

Baekhyun’s lips curled up into a half grin. “You can barely recall anything but you remembered me planning date night?”

“Well yes,” Yixing said confidently.

Three knocks rang out from the office’s door.

“Come on in,” Junmyeon shouted.

Sehun appeared from the other side of the door. He glanced inside and froze at the entrance. Yixing noticed his eyes were stuck on Baekhyun.

“What’s up, Sehun?” Junmyeon waved for him to come inside.

“The lawyer for Kim Jungmo has contacted us. He says whenever you want to conduct your interrogation, he’ll clear his schedule.”

“Who is Kim Jungmo?” Yixing asked.

“That’s the passenger with the orange hair. He was good about keeping his mouth closed and only saying that he wanted a lawyer.” Junmyeon sighed and dropped his pen onto the notepad.

“I can head interrogation if you want, Junmyeon. You know I have a good record with them,” Yixing said.

“You were in a physical altercation with him and his partner. It resulted in your partner’s death. You may not seem unbiased in this. I think it’ll be better if I handle it. You guys shouldn’t worry about this right now. Where are you two lovebirds going tonight?”

Baekhyun crooked his head at Yixing in anticipation. “Yes, where are we going?”

“Um… you said… dancing, right?” Yixing ruffled his hair.

“Ding ding ding,” Baekhyun sang.

“Oh, are you guys going to— Shoot what’s the name of the one in Mapo that we all celebrated in?” Junmyeon snapped his fingers in the air as he thought hard.

Sehun cleared his throat. “Club Vurt.”

“Yep, yep. That’s the one. We know one of the bartenders there so I thought why not go back there to support their work?” Baekhyun said, getting up from his seat.

Yixing naturally mirrored his movements. “No alcohol for you. Doctor’s orders.”

Baekhyun dramatically rolled his eyes. “You’re such a perfect boyfriend. It’s putting me to shame. Anyway we’re out of here. Or at least I am. He’ll come back for his seven hour shift.”

Both Junmyeon and Sehun bid them goodbye. Yixing was led out to their car by Baekhyun pulling him by the hand.

He could tell Baekhyun wanted to talk.

————————

The traffic was almost nonexistent at this time of day. With the roads being uncongested, it seemed like Yixing was driving faster than usual.

“‘There was only supposed to be one of you here,’” Baekhyun recited.

“What?” Yixing asked.

“I didn’t remember it until Junmyeon asked about what the guys said.”

Now that he thought of it, he did vaguely remember that line. “Do you want me to report it back to Junmyeon?”

“No,” Baekhyun interjected as quickly as possible. “I’m still trying to figure out what he means by it.”

Yixing didn’t think much of it when all Baekhyun remembered was ‘There was supposed to be only one.’ More accurately, he couldn’t decipher it without further context. Now that context revealed itself, something else came to mind.

“He meant me.” Yixing’s jaw clenched.

“What?”

“The original plan. I was assigned to drive the van, and then you adamantly petitioned to be my backup. If the plan leaked out before that, the driver would’ve been expecting only one person in the van. A two against one fight would be in their advantage. You were right, Baekhyun. We were compromised before we even executed the plan.”

“Holy shit,” Baekhyun murmured.

“I don’t think it was anybody in our team. Everybody knew the plan changes.” Relief washed over Yixing as he said those words. Nothing felt better than to prove the innocence of his brothers.

They hit a red light and the car pulled to a stop.

“Do you remember Jungmo’s tattoos?”

Yixing turned to study Baekhyun’s face as he asked that question.

“It was of a dragon and tiger, right?” Yixing replied.

“No. Junmyeon told you it was a dragon and a tiger. That night Jungmo wore a black tank that covered everything up but a dragon on the shoulders.”

The look on Baekhyun’s face was stoic. He had confidence in every word he said. Even if Yixing didn’t buy it (he didn’t want to), he knew that this meant a lot to Baekhyun.

“Do you think he could’ve seen it afterwards while Jungmo was being detained?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “How? I mean, you were at work yesterday. After prints were ran and his name popped up, could anybody pull any information on this guy from past records?”

“No, but Jongdae ID’d him as one of his kidnappers. He absorbed all of the shocks Jongdae would try to send out.” The new information was close to useless in disproving Baekhyun’s suspicions, and Yixing could see that Baekhyun knew that as well.  

Green light.

“You have to be the one to interrogate Jungmo,” Baekhyun said. “Junmyeon quickly dismissed you, but you at least need to be in the room as well. —But if Junmyeon knows you’re onto him, that might make things worse. This is no good.”

“Hey, don’t worry too much,” Yixing reached out to grab Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m going to figure this out okay? Investigations have barely started, but I’ll look into it. I promise.”

“Be safe.”

If only Yixing had the heart to tell Baekhyun, he was the least worried about himself nowadays.

————————

“One more song,” Baekhyun whined.

They were already outside of the club, but Baekhyun still tried to convince Yixing to stay. The music faintly played from this distance. The building’s walls muffled everything until only the bass was left.

Even the way the night air touched his skin felt clammy. The cooling of his perspiration brought goosebumps to his body. The transition from inside the club to outside woke him straight out of the daze the music had him in. He remembered following each of Baekhyun’s moves closely until there was barely space between them. Every so often he peppered kisses down Baekhyun’s neck, then watched the joy Baekhyun got out of turning down other people’s offers to cut in.

It was 1:30 in the morning already. No matter how much Baekhyun tried to whine, Yixing tried to stay firm on the matter.

“I wonder how much more fun that would be if I was allowed to get drunk.”

“I wouldn't know. I can't drink. You know it makes me really sick.”

They walked hand in hand back to the parking garage. It was a bit of a walk but it gave them time to spend together.

Baekhyun pointed a finger into the air. “Aircraft or shooting star?”

“Well air pollution rules out stars. I'm going to say aircraft.”

“I'm making a wish anyway.”

Yixing hated to admit Baekhyun was extremely cute even when he was being hard headed. He watched the other close his eyes and mutter unintelligible words.

Although he didn't believe in the superstition to begin with, he made his own wish too.

‘I wish that Byun Baekhyun will live a good and full life.’

“Okay, done!”

Yixing smiled. “What did you wish for?”

“I can't tell you. I really want this to come true. I can ask you something related to it. Have you talked to anybody new for letters of recommendation?”

So it came back to that.

“I know you've been wanting this for a while. It's been concerning not hearing you bring it up these past few days,” Baekhyun said.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve had different priorities recently.” The promotion collected dust in the back of Yixing’s mind. All he wanted was to save lives. He didn’t need a promotion in order to do that, especially when it came to Baekhyun’s life. It only came back to the forefront of his mind when he heard Junmyeon say he’ll take lead in interrogations. Yixing didn’t read as deeply into Junmyeon’s actions as Baekhyun, but Junmyeon’s ambition to be promoted read like an open book. Every one of Junmyeon’s words were constrained by the margins of logic and duty though. Yixing understood how his assistant captain was able to be opportunistic with leading the rescue mission, and the interrogation.

“I’m fine so go ahead and get back on track with your more important priorities. I’m letting you.”

“I still worry about you until we can get Doctor Kwon to look at you again. Nothing is more important than your health.”

Baekhyun stopped in his tracks and let go of the hand he was holding. “You need to think about your future too. That’s important to me.”

“I—” Yixing’s chest felt like it was cut by Baekhyun’s defensive edge. “I am. Of course I am. You’re also part of my future, so I’m just thinking about that aspect first. Lives are harder to maintain than jobs.”

“Opportunities like this don’t come that often. I don’t want to hold you back.”

This wasn't Baekhyun's first time saying something like this. He was the one who pursued Baekhyun and asked him out. Every single team member agreed that their chemistry was undeniable (as well as annoying). They were equally stunned as Yixing when Baekhyun turned him down the first time around. The blow sent Yixing into a slump. Eventually Baekhyun had to clear up the air saying that he didn’t want a relationship within the team to put Yixing in tough positions as Baekhyun’s superior.

( “I don’t want to be an obstacle that keeps you from chasing your dreams. I can support you the same way as a friend too.” )

Yixing leaned forward and held both of Baekhyun’s hands again. “You are undeniably my driving force. I’ve told you this, remember? If I cannot protect you when you need me, then what is the point?”

“The point is that you shouldn’t prioritize me over everybody else, especially yourself,” Baekhyun pressed. “You’re going to regret not going after this more seriously.”

“I would never regret choosing you over my job.”

Baekhyun’s mouth dropped and he looked as though Yixing slapped him across the face. “You are so stubborn—” His right eye started wincing. Soon both eyes blinked rapidly like something irritated them. Baekhyun pulled his hands away to cover his eyes. His body turned away from Yixing.

“What’s wrong?” Yixing side stepped to try to get a closer look at Baekhyun’s face.

“Nothing. Something got in my eye.” Baekhyun kept an extended arm out against Yixing’s chest. He established distance between them, and Yixing didn’t understand why this was necessary.

“Baekhyun-ah, let me see.” His hand pressed over Baekhyun’s. The back of the hand was cold to the touch. It reminded him of the night at the morgue.

It took a second, but Baekhyun removed the hand that covered his eyes. Tears lined his tear ducts. He breathed heavily like he just endured an ordeal. “I don’t know what just happened…”

“I’ll take you to the hospital.” Yixing wanted to waste no time.

“I just want to go home actually. I want to lie down.” He tugged Yixing along. Goosebumps raised along Yixing’s arm again. Every one of Baekhyun’s touches was as cold as the first.

“If you feel anything strange again, we’re going straight to the hospital.” The threshold for ‘strange’ was set incredibly low. Yixing wasn’t going to leave anything up to chance.

Their footsteps echoed once they entered the parking garage. They parked on a higher level, so they had to make their way to the elevator near one of the stairwells. The more they walked, the more their steps reverberated within the cavernous walls of cement around them. There was one echo in particular that sounded out of sync. Not only that, as Yixing paid attention to the echoes, he noticed they were growing in volume too.

“Sweetheart,” he said in a slow, calculated voice.

“Yeah, babe?” Baekhyun followed his lead.

“Weather’s getting kind of strange recently, right? Have you noticed?”

“You bet. Noticed it since we’ve gotten here actually.”

Yixing steered Baekhyun and himself around a turn to see if the sounds would follow.

They did.

“How many degrees is it supposed to be tomorrow?” Yixing didn’t want to look back and raise any suspicions just yet. He saw one extra shadow for sure.

Baekhyun hummed. “I think, like, two?”

A sharp whistle sliced through the air. “Enough chit chat.”

Yixing’s head snapped around instantly. Baekhyun wasn’t wrong. There were two people following them this whole time. One woman with her hair back in a tight ponytail, and a taller man with neatly coiffed hair. The man had a watch on that Yixing recognized almost right away. He ran into the man by the sinks when he was in the restroom in the club.

“You guys wanna know where the temperature really sucks?” The woman had a snarl fixed on her face. “Try the Han river and prison. Y’know, the places where our brothers are.” She pointed a finger straight at them. “It’s time to pay up for what you two did to them.”

“I have a bus fare with two dollars on it and some coins in my pocket right now.” Baekhyun bent his head one way, then the next, to crack his neck.

“You two are threatening two law enforcers right now. Admitting that you’re accomplices of men who assaulted us isn’t smart. Turn yourselves in,” Yixing commanded.

The woman pointed at Baekhyun. “Pass.” Then at Yixing. “And pass. We’re here to even the score. You took two of ours. So you two will do. Which one wants to die, and which wants to be hostage?”

“Been there, don’t really want to do it again. So pas—” Before Baekhyun finished his sentence, the man pushed the air in front of him. A gust blasted from his hands and knocked the unit officers off their feet.

“You talk too much.” The woman tilted her head, then put sunglasses on. The man did the same and wore his sunglasses as well. They looked industrial grade.

Baekhyun hustled back onto his feet. “Eat shit. You are so arrested.”

The man ran forward. Baekhyun rushed forward as well, and thrusted his hands out. In a quick response, the man held his arms over his face. Knowing Baekhyun’s fighting cues, Yixing closed his eyes.

No light came from Baekhyun’s hands, but that didn’t stop Baekhyun’s momentum. He paused a few steps away from the man. As soon as the man lowered his arms, Baekhyun spun on one foot while the other leg whipped through the air. His heel connected with the man’s face.

Yixing saw the man winding his arm back. Yixing had enough time to get up, and execute a sweeping kick to get the man off balance. He calculated it all in his head. But when he got up his left leg was caught on something. Or something caught him.

It bled into the fabric of his denim pants—A ring of water. He looked over his shoulder and at the woman’s feet there was an emptied water bottle.

Fantastic. Two En’s, one aerokinesis and one hydrokinesis.

The ring of water pulled his leg out from under him.  Debris of dirt and gravel flew up when he hit the ground. His head slammed right into the concrete below. Everything felt dull and then his pain sharpened. The ring continued to pull him back. Occasionally, the grip would loosen before it tightened up again. The situation laid itself out for Yixing to read. The woman wasn’t that experienced. She was probably a new user.

He grabbed onto the inner chrome part of a wheel when the car got within reach. The woman pulled and pulled. His ankle throbbed from how hard she was cinching the water around it. He counted his blessings, she didn’t seem to know how to slice with water yet. He held on as long as he could until he felt the highest point of tension. Carefully, he positioned himself and then…

He released his grip. Like a stretched out rubber band, he sprang towards the woman, colliding straight into her. She toppled over him and fell face first.

The window of opportunity wasn’t going to last him very long but he shot up, and ran towards Baekhyun. The man was chasing after Baekhyun, wildly throw gusts at him. If the most the man could do was use his powers through his hands, then Yixing knew exactly how to approach this.

Yixing reached the halfway point then felt something constrict around his neck. Chokes splurted out from his throat. He dropped to his knees and naively tried to grab at the ring of water. The water swirled so rapidly that he couldn’t penetrate it at any angle.

“Enough!” She bellowed. Blood speckled across her cheek where she got scraped.

“Ten,” Baekhyun shouted. “Let him go.”

“I’ll think about it.” She marched over and grabbed a handful of Yixing’s hair in her fist. He cried out against his will. “It’s a no from me. Like I said. Which one of you will die?”

“Me,” Baekhyun answered, stepping forward.

“No,” The man said. “Which one of you killed our brother?”

Yixing already felt lightheaded, but he choked out a strained, “Me,” in response.

“Then he dies,” the man said firmly.

Yixing was losing strength to hold on. His head drooped. He was fighting so hard for every breath, but an inner voice told him to stop trying. Baekhyun was still in his line of sight. With every blink, the figure of the person he loved the most became blurrier. Three more blinks later, he nearly couldn’t recognize Baekhyun.

“With pleasure,” the woman replied.

He heard Baekhyun scream. Then he heard the woman scream.

The ring disappeared and the water drenched his shirt. He collapsed onto the ground, coughing and still feeling the residue of asphyxiation.

He heard the man screaming too.

“What the fuck are you?! NO. STOP—”

Yixing turned his head and what he saw stole his breath more than being choked did.

Black smoke curled through the air and circled around the man and the woman. The wisps looked like they had… physicality. The woman struggled the most but she couldn't break out. The man blasted gusts everywhere but the ‘smoke’ didn't budge. Perhaps it wasn't smoke but tiny tendrils…? Thousands of them. They all stemmed from a source and the source was Baekhyun.

A thought occurred to Yixing. The tendrils weren't just black; they were pure darkness. They lacked the appearance of depth because no light could bounce off them. Baekhyun stood in the center with them extending out his back. Black veins sprouted all across his skin. His eyes were glazed over but they were black from edge to edge.

“Zero-Four, stop.”

The man and woman screamed in agony, but Yixing couldn't even see what was happening to them. Their screams told him enough.

“Baekhyun, please! Stop this,” Yixing shouted again.

When nothing changed, he rushed forward to Baekhyun’s body. He was afraid to touch him but he had to get Baekhyun back.

“Baekhyun. It's me. I'm here. I'm fine. You can stop this. I'm here with you now. Just stop this.”

Baekhyun faced him with dead eyes. The empty stare paralyzed him.

“Y… Yi…” It was a low rasp of a voice.

“Yes, it's Yixing. You remember me, right?”

“Yixing…”

Yixing grabbed Baekhyun by the shoulders. “You can fight this. Try.”

The man’s body fell to the ground with a hard thud first. The woman’s fall came shortly after.

The dark tendrils still squirmed and wriggled in the air. Yixing placed his hands on Baekhyun’s neck and pushed his healing energy into Baekhyun. He hadn't a clue on where to direct it. He just knew the more energy he transferred the better. His hands glowed faintly against the skin.

“Yixing.”

The darkness rescinded but it went back into Baekhyun's body. This was the opposite of what Yixing wanted.

“Yixing, stop.”

Baekhyun’s voice returned to normal.

“I can't stop now. Those things are still in you.”

“I know. Just leave it. We need to go now.”

He knew? Was he hiding something again?

Yixing stopped like Baekhyun told him to. He took Baekhyun by the hand and ran to the stairwell. The skin to skin contact was different this time. It felt warm.

————————

Against all forms of conduct and protocol, they drove away from the scene. Yixing pulled up the phone app on his cellphone. He anticipated Baekhyun asking him who he planned to call and why, but he didn't.

A dial tone pulsated in his ear. After two rings, the person on the other side picked up.

“Do you know what time it is?”

The call wasn’t put on speaker but the silence within the car amplified the voice.

Yixing briefly cleared his throat. “Jongdae. Two En’s were spotted in a parking garage on the ground floor towards the back. The garage is located two blocks away from Vurt. Got a confirmation they're with Black Lotus.”

“They're still there? I hear your engine. Are they chasing you right now?”

“No, they're still back there.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. They're incapacitated.” Yixing only looked back at them once, but they looked gone when Yixing and Baekhyun left the ground floor.

“Are you guys okay?”

He stole a peek at Baekhyun at the wheel. He had a few drinks earlier but he knew what he saw. Baekhyun’s complexion looked more vibrant it had been in the past three days.

“We’re... fine. I have a favor to ask from you, Jongdae.”

“What is it?”

“Can you, Jongin, and Sehun detain them?”

“...Yeah. You sure you’re alright? Both of you?”

He really wished Jongdae would stop asking that. The ‘we’re fine’ lie burned on his tongue every time he had to say it. “There’s another part of the favor. If either of the two start talking about—” How could he phrase this without sounding ridiculous. “Dark vines or anything relating to that, can you make sure it doesn’t go on record?”

Jongdae’s bewilderment exploded through the phone speakers. “What happened?”

Yixing tightly squeezed the phone  in his hand. The tension was clear in his voice. “I’ll explain it in person. It’s hard over the phone. Can you do this for me, please?”

The sigh that came from Jongdae’s end of the call sounded more like a vexed groan. “Fine. I’ll let Jongin and Sehun know too.”

“I owe you one. Thank you.”

“Take care.”

Click.

Everything Yixing wanted to say to Baekhyun stuck to the back of his throat. There were several ways he could’ve asked about what happened back there but he was afraid. As his profession and as his passion, he always sought the truth but he was afraid of it tonight.

The silence stretched on as far as the highway they were on. A car on the left swerved a hard right and cut in front of them to get to the exit lane. The nose of their car came so close to the other that Yixing embraced himself for impact. The collision never happened. Instead, the tires screeched when Baekhyun slammed on the brakes. Yixing fell forward into his seat belt which held him tight. His body propelled back into his seat where his head smacked into the head rest.

“For fuck’s sake.” Baekhyun slammed his palm onto the center of the steering wheel multiple times.

In the distance, horn honks were returned.

Baekhyun honked his horn once again in response. “Fuck you too!”

“Are you okay?” Yixing waited so long to say those words. It felt a little relieving to finally say them even if the context changed.

The car slowly started moving down the road. Baekhyun ran his hand through his hair and regained his composure. “I’m fine. Are you hurt?”

Yixing’s head ached but it didn’t warrant any healing. He knew it’d go away after a while. “Not really.”

Further conversation didn’t make it past that point.

Concern welled up in Yixing’s chest. He should’ve followed up on his previous question but he waited too long. Now it felt awkward to backtrack. Maybe he could try bringing up a new topic and transition back. He waited till the next exit to say something.

They passed the exit and he felt like he missed his chance.

The next exit for sure.

He opened his mouth. The exit passed and the anxiety left him mute.

The next exit then.

Nothing.

Baekhyun turned into the exit that took them home. The red light ahead ushered them to stop.

This was his chance.

“Baek—”

“Are you scared of me?”

“What?” Yixing snapped.

“What were you going to say?” Baekhyun gripped the wheel tighter.

“I am not scared of you, Baekhyun.” It hurted him to have to say something that was so far from the truth. “Is that what you really think?”

“How could you not be? I’m scared of myself. We don’t even know what I did to those people back there.”

“But you stopped. You were still in control.” Bottom line was that Yixing got through to Baekhyun successfully which meant that there was still hope.

A wash of fear and pain painted over Baekhyun’s expression and movements. His fingers moved in short, jittery motions. His brows knitted in the middle and his lips frowned. “I felt… stronger when it happened. I heard them scream and I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I kept feeling stronger.”

He looked at Yixing with trepidation. “It was like… being healed by you but darker. Like it was hungry for more all the time. I couldn’t—” His voice broke mid sentence. “I couldn’t… say no. But then I felt your power and I found the strength to stop.”

The headlights that passed by were blobs of lights to Yixing’s eyes. He couldn’t move. He didn’t dare to. When they all passed through, nothing was left but the dark road ahead.

“Where. Where is your light?”

“I haven’t been able to use it since I came back. I tried that first night when I was brushing my teeth with you.”

Yixing remembered Baekhyun back in the garage, and the way he said ‘I know.’

“What else do you know? You’ve been so good at keeping me in the dark lately.” The irony of what Yixing said didn’t escape him.

Baekhyun pursed his lips. “I haven’t been sleeping.”

Given Yixing’s current setting, he couldn't get up and remove himself from this conversation. The seat belt restrained him. The vehicle forced him to continue sharing the same space as Baekhyun.

“What?”

“I try but I can’t force my body to sleep. I don’t get tired either.”

“So you lie down, close your eyes, and pretend every night?”

“Yes.”

“So what… you kept all of this from me because you thought I wouldn't get it?”

“No.” Baekhyun’s answers overlapped Yixing's stream of questions.

“Did you think you could handle it all by yourself? A-Am I not enough to help you? Not smart enough?”

“–No.”

“Not–not strong enough?”

“I was afraid I would scare you away,” Baekhyun forced the words out all in one breath. “I didn't want to lose you and be alone. I hate what's happening to me and I don't want to be alone because I'm scared. I'm not strong enough.”

Green hues tinted Yixing’s and Baekhyun’s faces.

Baekhyun released a shuddered breath and drove the car through the intersection.

“I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

An apology was supposed to smooth things over, and simplify the saturation of emotions Yixing felt in this moment. It didn't.  He didn't want to hear an apology. He wanted to hear that Baekhyun was going to be okay, that they were going to make it through this. He wanted to hear those things but he needed to hear what Baekhyun just told him.

The person who needed strength and reassurance was not himself, but Baekhyun.

“I'm not going to leave you. Ever. I said I was going to protect you and I’m not backing out of it,” Yixing said.

“I don't deserve it. Not after what I did to those guys.”

“Those guys were ready to kill us. They probably have killed before as well.”

Baekhyun shot him a bewildered look. “Are you saying they deserved it?”

Yixing pinched the bridge of his nose. The point of what he said wasn't to tick Baekhyun off, yet that was the effect. “No, I'm not. I'm saying don't beat yourself up, because I would've been dead without you.”

“I was worried,” Baekhyun mumbled. “It didn’t sound like you to say something like that.”

A rough laugh came from Yixing. In a situation like this, Baekhyun worried about others before himself. That was why Yixing had to look out for him. “Did you get hurt anywhere?”

“I… I had a sprained wrist because I landed right on it when he sent me flying into a car.”

“Had?”

“It was hurting before but not now,” Baekhyun said. “I wasn’t trying to keep that from you, I swear. I just remembered.”

Yixing held out his hand, signaling for Baekhyun to give him his hand. He wasn’t well versed with illnesses very well, but he knew injuries like these. Baekhyun placed his arm in Yixing’s hand.

With gentle touches, Yixing pressed his fingers around the wrist. He bent it one way and then another, and observed Baekhyun’s reactions. There weren’t any winces or anything.

“Are you sure it was this wrist?”

“Yeah.”

Yixing’s eyes scanned over the wrist frontwards and backwards. When his gaze shifted down towards the forearm, something caught his attention. More accurately, the absence of something caught his attention.

He hastily pushed the driving lamp lights. What he thought he saw was the same even with the lights on.

Baekhyun’s arm tensed up. “What’s wrong, Yixing?”

“Your bruise. It’s gone. You look normal again.”

“Do you think… that maybe my body was,” Baekhyun swallowed, flinching at what seemed to be his own thoughts. “Dying?”

Yixing clasped his hands around Baekhyun’s. “Then I’ll find a way to save you.”