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Until the full inquest was over, he had to keep his distance from Rei. General Cooley was already annoyed with him for the appearance of favoritism he'd apparently given the Board of Review, and she had ordered him to keep away from Rei except for Squadron business.
It was a difficult order to obey, especially as the days dragged out into weeks as the Board deliberated. The few moments at a time that he managed to see Rei, but not always talk to him, weren't nearly enough contact, and so Jack was more than happy for the sheaf of papers in his hands that gave him the excuse he needed to hunt down Rei. Even if they were just a confirmation that could have just as easily been sent via email to the Lieutenant, it was a legitimate reason to contact him even the General couldn't dispute. The old Battle-Axe didn't really have it in for him and his relationship with Rei, he knew, but he also knew she was very disturbed by some of the information that had come out in the inquest and was taking it out on him. He was disturbed by the inquest process too. But for different reasons.
Since he'd assigned the duty roster he knew that Rei was working the admin offices for the day. Doing routine filing. Boring, mindless work in the data storage offices that nonetheless had been the only assignment he could think of to keep Rei away from too many enforced interactions with ground staff. Something that Rei did very badly without Jack around to smooth the way for him. The papers currently clutched in his hand would let him get Rei away from that boring and dreary duty at least, and allow him to return to pre-flight status. More importantly, it would let him into the simulators again. Not quite real flight yet, but close.
That should be worth a smile at least from Rei, Jack figured while stifling an anticipatory smile of his own as he walked through the nearly empty late-afternoon hallways toward the hard-copy data storage rooms.
"Major Bukhar!" a very young lieutenant said as he rounded a corner into the back offices, jerking to attention and saluting him crisply. Jack didn't recognize him, but knew he was a recent arrival from that fact alone. Fairy would burn the formality out of the boy soon enough, he knew. Jack returned the salute with negligent ease, smiling broadly at the puzzled furrows that appeared in the young man's brow in response. He glanced at the patch on the chest of the young lieutenant's still perfectly regulation working uniform for his name. Personal touches were his trademark, after all.
"Ah, Jefferson," he said, broadening his smile further. "Is Lt. Fukai still around today?"
The young man's face contorted for a moment into a distasteful frown, but just as swiftly smoothed again into neutrality as he nodded. Jack stifled an inward sigh of familiar frustration but managed to keep his own smile in place. Ah, Rei, he thought sadly, still the same.
"He's doing filing in the last room on the left, sir," the young man said, his tone noticeably cooling as he gestured toward the short hall beyond. Jack nodded to him, senses already straining for some hint of Rei's presence.
"Thanks," he said, turning his attention deliberately back to the young man beside him. "Hey, the shifts almost over. Why don't you bug out early?"
"Are you sure, Major?" the boy said, looking around the deserted office and unattended storage rooms of his post a little uncertainly. Despite his newness and attention to protocol, he seemed relieved. Rei had that effect on some people, Jack knew. Not him, however.
Jack waved his empty hand toward the equally empty room casually. "Absolutely. It's quiet today. Grab some time off while you can. The JAM won't let it last long, trust me."
A final frown of doubt clouded the boy's forehead for a moment, but then just as rapidly cleared.
"Okay, Major. Thank you, sir." Then the boy smiled and went to his desk to shut down his workstation for the night and gather his gear. Jack grinned and fluttered the papers in his hand thoughtfully, lingering until he was sure the boy was actually going. It didn't take Lt. Jefferson long to clear out. Jack gave him a last jaunty salute as the boy turned the corner, then sauntered down the hall toward the room that allegedly held Rei.
It was harder to find him than he thought. The room was big and poorly lit, and the back-to-back lines of tall filing cabinets stretched off like the rows of aisles in a grocery store into the dimness. He walked across the ends of them until he saw the handcart, table, and ladder that almost obscured the familiar figure. He could just see the top of Rei's dark head bent over an open drawer. At least he wasn't wearing his hat right now, Jack noted as he walked toward him eagerly, his steps echoing loudly on the tile floor.
Rei's head jerked up and his eyes narrowed into a black glare that just as quickly faded into wary surprise when he recognized him.
"Found you," Jack said, coming to a halt beside the table holding a precariously perched stack of file folders.
"Jack," Rei said, his soft voice sounding unusually loud in the silence of the room.
He could see that Rei was sitting on a small stool. He'd taken off his dragon-backed jacket and it was draped over the handles of the hand truck beside a stack of file boxes on Rei's far side. Jack set the papers he held down on top of the stack of files, staring hungrily at Rei's pale face.
"You're free."
Rei's chin jerked slightly and his lips pursed, as if he were going to ask a question, but he stopped himself. Frowned instead. Jack just grinned at him.
"Well, Medical's released you, actually. You're cleared for readiness training again and back on the standby flight roster."
Rather than taking the news in the way he'd hoped, Rei's head tilted down slightly and his too-long bangs fell over his eyes, hiding them.
"Yukikaze?"
Jack sighed but couldn't stop himself from leaning over the table toward him, laying his hands flat on it's surface, as faint annoyance surged. No questions about the precarious status of his own career, of course, only his plane. "Special Systems is still reviewing the AI command code and tactical files for anomalies." He sighed again then, knowing his own powerlessness to compete as well as his own weakness with regard to Rei. Both of them were victims of fate, in their own ways. He watched the other man's face tip down even further and his shoulders round slightly. "Maybe another week," he admitted reluctantly.
"A week," Rei repeated, letting out a soft sound of impatience at the end. Jack stepped back for a moment, but only to skirt the table. Once on Rei's side, he leaned his hip against it, folding his arms over his chest as he looked down at the dark head bent before him.
"Hey, a week isn't really that long," he said with false heartiness, his stomach still sinking slightly. "And now you'll be ready when they release Yukikaze back to the Squadron."
Rei didn't answer him. The long, lean hands were fisted on dark-clad knees. As Jack stared at those tell-tale hands, he could feel his face falling into grim lines.
Rei and Yukikaze. Yukikaze and Rei. The other man was slipping away from him again and he hadn't even had a chance to hold onto him this time. He cursed General Cooley's orders silently and bitterly again in his own head. Damn her for taking this chance to anchor Rei more firmly to the ground away from him.
Damn her for costing him this chance to make Rei more his own.
Frustration welled, crested.
"Damn it, Rei," he said sharply, digging his hands into his own jacket-covered arm and side in a creak of leather to keep from reaching out and startling Rei away. "This wasn't my idea, you know. You'll get back in the air soon enough."
The dark head shifted but did not lift. After a moment the lean shoulders rounded further, rejecting his words as the useless comfort they were. Words were never enough for Rei. Only actions contact, flying. Hands on flesh or hands on Yukikaze's controls. Only the physical truly impacted Rei. Understanding this made him reach out even when he knew he shouldn't; his hands just coming free and moving to take that dark head between them without conscious thought. He buried his fingers in silky-dark hair. To his surprise, there was no resistance as he tilted Rei's head back until he was staring down into the tormented, lost eyes. He made a harsh sound of his own, then. Spawned of equal parts grief, need and frustration.
He bent down. Brushed his lips against Rei's tightly held ones until he felt them flutter and loosen slightly. He drew back just enough to let his own faster breaths wash warm over Rei's mouth for an instant before spreading those thin lips with his own, his tongue pressing softly inside to tease at the tender inside of Rei's mouth, at Rei's soft tongue.
God, it was good. He dreamed about this, far too often. Rei's lips. Rei's mouth. He heard sounds then; a sigh, a quiet moan. He wasn't sure if they came from his own throat or Rei's. And didn't care, lost in the rarely felt warmth of Rei's kiss.
A hand circled his wrist. Gripped. Squeezed. He flexed his fingers in Rei's hair even as he probed deeper into his mouth with his tongue. Tasting, feeling, exploring. Until finally Rei's tongue slid against his own, soft and elusive. Responding to the caress. He felt himself groan then, his heart pounding faster as the sound seemed to echo in Rei's throat.
Then Rei was pushing up off the stool, twisting away from his hands, and stumbling to his feet. And Jack was left gasping softly, eyes blinking as he stared in hungry regret after Rei who had retreated across the aisle, knocking the handcart askew in his haste until he had his back pressed against the row of file cabinets behind him. He shouldn't have done it, Jack knew. There were lines Rei didn't like even him to cross. Dark eyes wide, Rei raised his hand and started to rub the back of it across his mouth, - wiping away the feel of Jack's mouth, or so it seemed - but paused with his wrist held against his mouth and an uneasy, wary look on his face that tore at Jack's heart.
"Rei..."
"Why?" The single word was sharp and suspicious even muffled by the hand.
Jack sighed and straightened up, vividly aware of the pulse of the erection clearly visible beneath his pants. "Because I like to kiss you, Rei," he said quietly, sadly. Longed to kiss him, actually, this man who had known little tenderness or compassion in his life. It tormented him that Rei would accept his hands upon him, but not his mouth. Would let Jack inside his body, but not into his soul. But this time... this time he was certain he'd felt a response. Small, unsure, but there. He drew hope from that. Only a little, but hope nonetheless.
"Why?" Rei asked again, his tone puzzled now, if still faintly wary.
Jack swayed toward him, but stopped when Rei lifted his head with a jerk, baring his faintly reddened lips, soft and open with a hint of teeth behind them. Jack's heart jerked in his chest at the sight, then swelled and ached. "Because... it feels good," he said through a tightening throat instead of the words he wanted to say. "Because being with you makes me feel good."
Rei's eyes narrowed slightly, the dark gaze searching his face and his eyes rapidly as if suddenly faced with a puzzle... or an enemy. When his gaze flicked down to Jack's groin they narrowed further before jerking back up to meet Jack's again almost accusingly.
"You want sex." And the flatly uttered words sent a bolt of pain through Jack's heart.
"No... not right now," he said wearily, and it was the truth despite the traitorous throb of his cock. "I just wanted to kiss you."
Rei stared at him warily, hand slowly lowering to his side. Jack let his gaze follow the hand's descent rather than continue looking into Rei's distant eyes, feeling suddenly weary, heartsick and very old. Rei still didn't trust him completely, it seemed. Not like he trusted Yukikaze... He closed his eyes for a moment, pained.
Silence filled the room, broken only by the faint buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead, their glare harsh on the tiles beneath Rei's feet that he found himself staring at blankly. Then Rei moved, startling him. A half step forward.
He looked up, into Rei's face, and saw something new there. Curiosity. Something rare and unexpected in Rei who seemed prepared to allow the world to happen around him except in battle and flight.
"Okay," Rei said, softly, hesitantly.
"Okay?" Jack repeated dumbly, startled.
"It's okay... if you want to." And Rei came to a stop in the center of the aisle, barely two steps away, arms lax at his sides, hands open, his face calm yet touched by that odd, surprising hint of curiosity.
Of course, it wasn't acceptance or even a very enthusiastic offer, but it was a more positive response on the subject than Jack had ever drawn from him before. Pulse quickening, he took a slow step forward, not wanting to startle Rei away. But once Rei made up his mind, he seldom wavered, Jack knew. Rei stood in the center of the aisle calmly, waiting and watching Jack approach from beneath dark bangs, his lean body faintly tense, but his hands hanging relaxed at his sides.
Pulling Rei into his arms would be too much, he knew, no matter how much he wanted to do it. So he settled for laying one hand against the join of Rei's neck and shoulder and allowing his thumb to brush gently over the soft, virtually stubble-free skin of Rei's throat. Rei swayed a little, but remained in place, his gaze apparently fixed on Jack's collar. He could feel Rei's pulse jerk and throb beneath his touch and drew in a quick, vaguely unsteady, breath. He stared down at Rei's face, lifting his other hand to tilt up his chin with a crooked finger.
"Every time I see you, I want to do this," he whispered as he leaned over slowly, gaze locked on Rei's. Startled gray eyes with the darker pupil widening suddenly until it almost swallowed the color. Then they fluttered closed, thick lashes lying like smudges on pale cheeks. He transferred his gaze to Rei's mouth then, was pleased to see his lips were already parted slightly, was heartened to feel the slightly faster puff of Rei's breath against his own lips as he drew closer. Curiosity only? Or just someone utterly unfamiliar with such intimacy?
He stopped thinking and concentrated instead on the moment. Brushing his lips over Rei's again, softly at first, he slowly pressed harder, spreading them enough so he could feel a hint of the damp warmth inside Rei's mouth. He tightened his grip on Rei's neck, holding him steady as he leaned closer, deepening the caress slowly, moving his lips over Rei's firmly. Friction, pressure, the growing slickness of saliva; Rei held still and let him do what he'd longed so often to do. Kiss him fully. Savor him. Learn his taste and feel.
Jack could feel a tremor building within him. Eager, joyous. He'd wanted this for so long, and he was so involved in the feel of mouth on mouth, of breath within breath that he almost didn't notice the first faintly rough brush of a tongue tip as it poked out tentatively to meet his own.
He couldn't miss the sudden clench of Rei's hand on his shoulder, however. The soft tug that drew him closer. Or the low murmur of surprised pleasure that came from Rei's throat.
There was no mistaking a response now. Rei...
Groaning softly but holding on tightly to his own elation, Jack let his hand fall away from Rei's chin to catch his arm and draw it around him, encouraging Rei to hold on to him. Rei did so without protest, even taking the half-step forward into his full embrace himself. Rei's other arm slid tentatively around his waist, then, chest to chest, hip to thigh, he held Rei against him, gradually working his mouth against Rei's with more energy; nipping, drawing, and sliding. Faster, deeper. Tongue probing again, working against Rei's, tangling with it, slick and hot and firm. He was eager for the taste of Rei, the heat of him. Losing himself for a few precious seconds in the feel of Rei in his arms and fully accepting his caress.
Then it was over. With a gasp, Rei tipped his head to the side, sucking air in sharply to starved lungs. The hands on Jack's shoulder and waist were pushing him away now instead of drawing him closer.
He let himself be pushed back until Rei's hands fell away, taking a few deeper, calming breaths himself. He let Rei put half a step between them again, but kept his hand on Rei's neck to steady him. Jack watched him closely, trying to gauge his reaction. Not wanting to have overwhelmed him with the chance he'd been given, but with an uneasy feeling knew it was too late for that concern now. Thick bangs covered Rei's eyes, he saw. And his cheeks were no longer pale; a light flush stained them.
"Still okay?" Jack asked with a deepening frown after a long moment of silence as both their breathing calmed.
Rei's head lifted slightly and he caught of glimpse of one eye glittering darkly from between concealing strands.
"Every time you see me?" Rei said somberly, confusing him for a moment until he remembered his own words. There was the faintest lift at the edge of reddened, slightly puffy lips. A hint of amusement... Rei's head lifted more and his eyes shown with a distinct touch of mischief. Rare. Precious. Only for him.
Jack's heart surged with hope, bloomed. A tender smile curved his own mouth in response as he bowed his head back toward Rei's.
"Yes, Rei," Jack said softly. "Every time."
-- end --