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“There's someone here for you Danno,” Grace said as Danny walked through the door. “It's a young officer from the Naval base.”
“Who?” Danny said with a frown as he set down his briefcase.
Grace shrugged, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I dunno, he didn't explain. I said you were on your way home from the office and he said he'd wait for you. He seems a little nervous, don't know why though. He's in the living room.”
“Okay, thanks baby,” Danny replied. “John home?”
“No, he's at football practice remember,” Grace said with a shake of her head.
“Oh yeah, right,” Danny said nodding. “Will you tell Steve I'm home, ask him to bring in some drinks. And ask Kamekona if dinner can be a little earlier tonight. I'm famished.”
“Yeah no problem,” Grace said, heading for the kitchen as Danny made his way to the living room.
The young man was sitting on the sofa and he stood up quickly, brushing himself down and looking at Danny nervously, staring a little too long for Danny to feel comfortable.
"Hello, uh, my name is Nathan Harris." The young man introduced himself, holding out his hand and looking him in the eye. He spoke quickly, like he needed to get the words out before he meesed them up. "I'm a cadet training at the Naval base here at Pearl."
"All right," Danny said, shaking his hand amiably and giving him a polite smile. "What can I do for you Nathan?"
The young man was nervous about something, finding his words with some trepidation. Danny sensed a familiarity about him and began to feel a prickle on the back of his neck the longer he took him in. Age him thirty years and he'd look like -.
"Nobody knows I'm here," Nathan admitted quietly, wringing his hands and there's a small nuance, his tongue licking over his lower lip quickly with nervousness that makes Danny reel it's so familiar. "It's taken me a few weeks to build up the courage to come here."
Danny wasn't sure what to say or do, or if he's even correct in his thinking but instinctively he knows. He cleared his throat, trying to stay calm and not jump to conclusions though everything seemed to be spinning out of kilter.
"Why's that?" He asked lightly.
"Do you remember the baby you gave up for adoption eighteen years ago?" Nathan replied tentatively, words quietly spoken as he glanced at him, wide eyed and scared. Like he wouldn't remember.
Remember? Danny wants to laugh and cry at the same time. He's lived with that choice every day of his life, shouldered the guilt that has weighed so heavily on him. Now that decision is standing right there in his living room, a younger version of Steve, so real and alive."
"Gods yes," Danny said with a sharp nod, his hands shaking with the admittance. He feels like his body is about to explode from the shock, the surprise, the utter joy he's currently witnessing. "Remember? I think about it every day."
Nathan looked relieved and comforted. Danny sensed he'd feared rejection, which made him all the more tender-hearted towards him and instinctively they drew near to one another. Danny couldn't help himself and pulled him close, enfolding him in his arms and feeling Nathan sag with relief against him.
"I'm sorry, I know I have no right to come looking," Nathan apologised against his shoulder as they embraced.
"Of course you do, every right," Danny said firmly. "If that is what you needed to do. I'm glad you did, you'll never understand how much."
Peeling apart they stared at each other for a long time. Danny couldn't get over the similarities, he had Steve's eyes, nose, mouth, hair colour. Grace was very much like himself and John a mixture of the two of them, but Nathan was all Steve now that he connected the two. They sat down on the sofa, both brimming with questions when they were interupted. Steve appeared with a tray and Danny felt himself reeling, unsure how to handle the moment. Steve had no idea and eighteen years of a buried secret made it difficult for Danny to speak out.
"Can I get you anything else?" Steve asked. Danny knew he was stalling, trying to gather information. No doubt everyone in the house was wondering who the young man visting them way. If only any of them knew. Danny shook his head and dismissed him, feeling another pang of guilt. Even now he couldn't tell Steve the truth. Danny knew he needed to find out about Nathan's background, his views and opinions before he broached the subject of his being fathered by himself and a slave.
"The girl I met," Nathan said as Steve left, unawares to the strange predicament he'd caused being there.
"Grace," Danny nodded with a smile, "Your sister. She's just turned seventeen. And I have another son, John, he's fifteen."
"Maybe I can get to know them," Nathan said with a hopeful look.
"Yes, of course," Danny nodded before pausing, scrubbing a hand over his mouth before blurting out, "They don't know about you. I never told them they had an older brother."
"Guess it will be a surprise then," Nathan smiled, Danny sensed he had a good nature and he was glad of it.
"Don't you want to know why?" Danny asked him carefully. He'd just told him he had a brother and sister, whom Danny had kept as his own.
"You'll have your reasons," Nathan replied plainly. "Maybe you'll explain it all to me one day, but I didn't come here to accuse or make things any more awkward. I just really wanted to meet you. I figured if you didn't want to know, I wouldn't have lost out on anything, but I wouldn't be wondering who you were any more."
"I'm very glad you came here, unexpected as it is," Danny told him. "It's a shock but a good one. Everyone will be just as shocked I'm sure. Give me time to explain and then perhaps we can have you over to introduce you all properly."
"Thanks, that would be nice," Nathan grinned nodding eagerly. "So could you tell me anything? I know you aren't married, I did a little research. So you're our father but what about the other person, is it the same person for all of us. Was it a surrogate? Are you're other children adopted?"
Danny stared at him, wondering just how honest to be. To Grace and John, Steve was first and foremost their father, his being a slave didn't come into the equation. But he wasn't sure how Nathan had been brought up to think of slave or what his reaction would be to Steve. Danny felt sick, what if Nathan didn't want anything to do with Steve? Gods how would Steve deal with that?
"Is it too difficult to talk about?" Nathan asked, seeing Danny's concern. "Did something happen to them?"
"I need to be honest with you," Danny admitted. "But I'm also afraid for how it will affect the other person this involves."
Nathan frowned, of course not understanding Danny's predicament.
"The man who was in here just now, Steve," Danny said after taking a breath. "He's an incubator, my slave and yet - so much more than that. He's your father, he's also Grace's and John's father. We don't talk about you, I just - it was an unspoken subject, a unspoken rule that you were never talked about, because giving you up for adoption-."
Danny broke off, feeling his voice cracking, it was the most difficult subject he'd spoken about for years. Not since Jules had confronted him about it face to face and made him talk about it.
"We were different people back then. I couldn't admit how I felt about him and I was in a bad place financially, mentally - I didn't realise how much giving you up was going to hurt and then I buried that hurt because I told myself I deserved to feel that way. Steve didn't know I was going to give you up and he'd have had no choice in the matter any way, he never got to meet you then and in eighteen years he has never asked about you. Not because he doesn't want to know but because it hurt him so much, but he's a slave, so he just accepted that is the way it is. I doubt days go by he doesn't think about you the same as me, and I'm the luckier one, I saw you and held you before they took you away. He never had that."
"He isn't just another slave is he," Nathan said, seeing how much Steve obviously meant in Danny's life.
"No, he is so much more than that," Danny said with a watery smile and shaking his head. "My friend, partner, soul mate and father of our children in every way. Grace and John call him Papi and he has never been a slave to them, no matter what society says his status is compared to them."
"Can you call him back in? I want to meet him properly," Nathan said, surprising Danny with his reaction. “I mean, if that's okay with you. Please.”
Danny drew in a breath and gazed at him in wonder. "You understand, he's a slave."
"He's my father," Nathan pointed out. "I think we'll find we have a lot in common, my parents brought me up in a close household. The slaves were also my family, everyone cared about everyone else. My mother especially had a particular slave she was close too, like they were like sisters or something. I understand how close relationships can get with slaves and I don't have a problem with it. Please, let me meet him properly."
Danny was wary of springing this on Steve. There was a lot that had gone unspoken between them all these years. But he also knew there was no easy way to approach this, he was still reeling himself from Nathan's appearance, as welcome as it was.
"All right," Danny said with a small nod, reaching over and squeezing his hand. He stood up and took in a long breath before he shouted for Steve. A few moments later Steve appeared with a questioning look, demure and obedient as ever before company. "Come here sweetheart."
Danny held out a hand to him and Nathan stood, staring at Steve with a heady gaze in his eyes. He wondered if the young man saw the similiarities now he looked at Steve closer. Steve looked at Danny and frowned, seeing something was going on. It wasn't like Danny to show such affection infront of strangers.
"Steve, I've got something to tell you," Danny said, feeling his hand shaking where it held Steve's. He tightened his hold and looked him in the eye, he deserved that and so much more. "This is Nathan Harris."
Steve smiled politely in response, giving a nod of his head towards the cadet and slightly taken aback when Nathan stepped closer with eagerness.
"It's so good to meet you," Nathan said barely containing himself.
"Thank you Sir," Steve said carefully in confusion, looking to Danny for answers.
"He's our son Steve," Danny said, dropping the bombshell. Steve blinked blankly at him, furrowing his brow. "The baby I gave up for adoption, this is him."
Danny could almost see the cogs working, Steve's mind assimiliating the words into making sense. Steve stared long and hard at him before looking at Nathan and taking him in completely, as if he were searing the image into memory.
"Steve?" Danny asked, wondering what he was thinking. He lifted Steve's hand where it held his and patted it with his free hand, Steve clung to him tightly and Danny could feel the tremble of his body.
"I don't know what to say," Steve admitted with a shake of his head, unable to take it in. He stared at Nathan and tentatively reached out with his free hand before drawing back, uncertain how to react physically. "I never, I didn't ever think-."
Nathan smiled and moved even closer, he was tall but Steve was taller and Nathan curled into him, putting his arms around him for a hug.
"I came here thinking I'd meet my dad, I never imagined I'd be meeting two," Nathan said against him.
Steve seemed even more taken aback by the gesture and paused before putting an arm around him. Danny still squeezed his hand and rubbed Nathan's back, offering some comfort to the both of them. Steve was quiet, obviously in shock but trying to come to terms with what was going on. When Nathan moved back, Steve lifted a hand to his face, staring at him like he was afraid if he blinked he'd dissappear.
"Let's all sit down and talk," Danny suggested, drawing them both towards the couch again.
"I look like you," Nathan said as they sat, he was staring at Steve, marvelling at the resemblance. The longer Danny took him in, the more he could see it. A young Steve in the prime of his youth. They didn't have photographs to compare, but there was no mistaking who Nathan's father was.
Nathan was looking curiously at Steve and Danny had to put an arm around him, giving Steve a well meaning squeeze. "You okay baby? I know this is a shock, for the both of us."
"I just," Steve stuttered, taking Nathan's hand in both of his. "This is difficult to take in. Eighteen years, I just can't believe it."
He lifted Nathan's hand to his lips and kissed it before he burst out crying. Tears formed in Nathan's eyes and Danny swallowed down on a lump as Steve shivered in his arms. Not only was it a surprise but a shock for Steve, after so long, with not a word spoken between them about their first born, a secret they'd both personally kept buried.
"It's okay baby, it's okay," Danny soothed, stroking Steve's neck and back calmly.
"I'm sorry," Steve apologised for the sudden outburst, trying to dry his tears even as Nathan scrubbed at his face with his free hand, equally as tearful. Steve smiled at their son. "It isn't that I'm not happy. I don't know how I feel, happy doesn't cover how I feel about this moment-"
"I know," Nathan gave a laugh, nodding, more tears sliding down his cheeks.
Tears of joy, Danny thought to himself. Enough to wash away eighteen years of grief and pain. Steve deserved to shed everyone of them. Danny knew Nathan's arrival would change things, for the better, for their family. He also knew it wasn't something he could ignore any more, the skeleton they'd had buried in the closet for so long. It was time to talk and explain, to lay down his confession and hope Steve in some way would come to understand his pathetic, insignificant reasons. Danny wasn't stupid, he knew it was the one thing Steve hadn't ever let go of. Yet despite it Steve loved him, had devoted his life to him not just because he belonged to him but because he willingly gave himself to him.
Danny thanked the gods for Nathan, for his determination to find them, despite the difficulties. He was thankful he had a son braver than himself, taking the chance to search for them and in doing so, mending a chasm Danny had thought too wide to breach.
~
Telling Grace and John was another hurdle they had to face. First, he and Steve spoke about Nathan, for the first time in eighteen years. Nathan had left in order to make curfew at the base, with promises he'd be back at Danny's invitation. Danny sat with Steve and for a few minutes they thought over what had occurred and the sudden changes it had brought. Danny couldn't help but watch Steve, feeling the weight of guilt on his shoulders at having caused so much pain and anguish in his already difficult, abused life before he'd come to be his. Not surprisingly Steve took it in his stride, the mentality of a slave meant he accepted the behaviour of his Masters no matter the pain it caused himself.
Danny took his hand and smiled when Steve looked up at him, there was no anger in his expression, no accusation.
"Guess we have a lot to talk about," Danny started, a lame introduction on the subject of their newly returned son.
Steve shook his head, squeezing his fingers and smiling brightly, "Is there any need to bring up the past Danny? He searched for us and found us, he wants to know us and be part of our lives. Why tarnish that by bringing up the past and what happened?"
"Steve we've both lived with that decision I made," Danny said, feeling the pang deep inside at the hurt he'd caused. His callous reasons and thinking that because Steve was a slave, his feelings, his emotions weren't a factor. How wrong he'd been, how deceived by his own free thinking. It was a hard, tough lesson he'd learned watching Steve with Grace and John, the love, devotion and care as a parent he lavished on them every day. "But I was able to talk to people about it, I had people to turn to, my parents, Jules. It was wrong what I did to you, but I never apologised and I never gave you a chance to say how you felt and I gave no help to you when you needed it most."
"We were different people then," Steve replied with a small shrug. "We were still struggling to come to terms with how we felt for one another, how that could exist between us when we were from two different roles in life. I won't deny it hurt, that it felt like a loss, that I was confused and didn't understand why. I'll even admit that for a short time I wondered if I'd been wrong about you, if you were just as bad as my previous owners -."
Danny winced at that point, though he knew he deserved it. Fact was he'd known Steve's history, known what he'd sufferred and gone through and it was true, he'd treated him no better in those early days. His own guilts, his own gut instincts and those people around him like his parents, had helped him change and grow into the person he was, learning from his mistakes and changing his thinking.
"I was wrong," Steve assured him with a smile. "Something I'm thankful for, grateful for."
"It was wrong of me not to let you have a voice on the subject, even in the years afterwards," Danny said regretfully. "It was easier to pretend he didn't exist."
"It was easier for both of us," Steve agreed. "And you can't deny we haven't been happy Danny, despite this secret we've both been afraid to face."
"We need to tell Grace and John," Danny sighed, looking fearful at the thought. "How am I supposed to tell them that they have a brother I didn't want to keep? That I gave him away merely because he didn't fit into what I considered my perfect family unit."
"That was then," Steve reminded him. "You were different, you've changed Danny. And you don't have to tell them the reasons, only that he exists, that we have another person to add to our Ohana. Someone who wants to be part of us."
"They'll ask why," Danny pointed out knowingly.
"Then we'll explain it to them when we think they are ready to understand," Steve replied. "And that might be years from now, when they are older and have households of their own."
Danny looked at him with a smile, edging closer to him on the sofa. "How are you so calm about all of this?"
"You expect anger, resentment?" Steve smiled in reply, lifting his hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "What is the point in harbouring those feelings or letting them fester? We have a beautiful family, you are my master and I love you. Bringing up the past doesn't change how I feel. Our son has walked back into our lives and said I don't care why, I just want to know you properly. How can we be anything but happy?"
~