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Ninshubur hastily wiped the tears from her eyes as footsteps approached, and tried to compose her face. She knew it was futile. Whoever was approaching would see the stains on her face and the dust on her garments. It was clear she had been crying. She kept her head averted, hoping the person would respect her grief and move on. Inanna was gone, and Ninshubur despaired of her return. It seemed even Enki's promised help had not prevailed against death, leaving Ninshubur alone to cry against fate. She took a shuddering breath and tried to compose herself enough to speak as the footsteps stopped beside her.
"Not her," said Inanna's voice. Ninshubur looked up swiftly and recoiled in shock. She recognised Inanna's face, but she was dusty, dishevelled, dead-eyed, and her voice was flat. Behind her loomed two demons, their shape marking them as Ereshkigal's. She cringed away from their grasping claws as they reached for her, shrinking into herself in horror.
"Not her," repeated Inanna. "She mourns truly; she seeks to find me in her grief and loneliness."
"We must take someone," said one demon. Ninshubur shuddered in fear before the deep, wicked sound of its voice, but Inanna was unmoved.
"You shall not take Ninshubur," was all Inanna replied. She walked on, the demons following. Ninshubur stared after them, disbelieving her eyes. Inanna, alive, back in the world! Her heart leapt with joy, even through her confusion and fear. She carefully uncurled herself and stood, watching, and, after a moment, following. The desire to stay with Inanna was stronger than her fear, her horror.
Around the corner, at the edge of the garden, she stopped as the demons reached for Cara. Heart in her mouth, she wanted to scream, but again Inanna checked them, in the same flat voice.
"No," she said. "He is alone, grieving, searching for me in death. You shall not have him."
"We shall have someone," said the other demon. "It is the law."
"I know the law," said Inanna. "But this one you shall not have."
Ninshubur crept after them, daring to draw closer and closer. She saw them approach Dumuzi. When last she'd seen him, he'd been drinking beer and eating his midday meal unconcernedly. She'd shouted at him, shaming him for his lack of care, but he'd shrugged and gnawed on the bone he held. Now he was dozing under a tree, unaware of the approach of the demons.
Inanna stopped before him. The demons stepped forward, claws outstretched and mouths stretched wide, showing their teeth. Dumuzi woke with a start and Ninshubur watched, half in horror, half in grim satisfaction, as he cowered away.
"This one, you can have," said Inanna.
Dumuzi sprang to his feet, putting his back to the tree. Ninshubur moved forward, to stand behind Inanna. Her stillness was unnerving, but Ninshubur had no time to wonder as the demons grasped Dumuzi and he screamed as their icy, unflinching claws dug into him.
Struggling against their grip, Dumuzi began to rage, turning on Inanna and cursing her. She moved not at all, and Ninshubur, who knew her temper well, wondered briefly why she was not exploding in wrath to match his. Instead, she stood still, rigid, hands clenched at her sides, even as the earth split open at her feet. Ninshubur glanced between her and Dumuzi, screaming now about Inanna's faithlessness, her cruelty, her ruthlessness. Inanna was silent, watching as the demons dragged her lover closer to the abyss.
The demons dove into the chasm as Dumuzi howled, dragging him down with them. As the earth heaved back together, Inanna threw her head back and shrieked, a long, wordless noise of pain, the first sign of life she had shown. The next moment, the ground was shut and Inanna swayed on her feet on the green grass in the still of the garden. Ninshubur sprang forward and caught her gently. She felt too light in her arms, as tiny and insubstantial as a new-born babe.
"My lady," she said, tears springing to her eyes again. "You are hurt."
Inanna straightened up out of her embrace and Ninshubur let her arms drop away, her heart sinking at the look of chilly anger on Inanna's face. All around them, the garden was warm and the songs of the birds were beginning again, but Inanna was cold.
Turning, she stalked across the springing green grass. Ninshubur hurried after her. Inanna was dusty, and her cloak was ragged across the hem. Her turban was crooked, and she had lost her wig. Her hair hung in messy strands down her back. Ninshubur thought she looked beautiful, and her heart was overwhelmed with the need to kiss her cheek, touch her, and be certain she was really alive again. Something of the dead lands still clung to her, though. She was stiff and unyielding, like she hadn't shrugged off the last rigor of her time as a corpse. Ninshubur wondered what had happened to her, but didn't dare ask.
Cara came quickly over the grass to join them as they skirted an ornamental pond. He had not followed Inanna so closely while the demons were nearby, but, Ninshubur knew, he wanted to get close and be sure his mistress was really back. Inanna barely glanced at him and continued walking.
"I will bathe," said Inanna, curtly.
"Very well, Mistress," said Cara. He scuttled off, letting Ninshubur and Inanna follow. Inanna stopped and looked back, causing Ninshubur to stop abruptly. She was close enough for Ninshubur to smell the faintest hint of dirt and decay on her. Ninshubur looked at Inanna closely and realised she was looking across the grass to the temple door.
"Your throne awaits you," said Ninshubur. She plucked up her courage to continue, "All the City came to kneel before it and pray for your safe return."
"Have I returned?" asked Inanna. One hand picked restlessly at a loose thread on her dress. "Did the city indeed mourn me, and will they now rejoice in my return?"
"They will," said Ninshubur. "As I mourned you, and now rejoice."
Inanna turned from her without answering and continued across the garden. Ninshubur sighed and pressed her hand to her breast. Inanna's indifference cut through her like a knife. She would rather have her anger open and uncomplicated.
"Tell the city the news," Inanna said. Ninshubur bowed and turned back. She breathed deeply, looking across the garden to the other rooms ranged round its edges. Behind her, she could hear the soft noises of Inanna's footfalls, and restrained herself from turning. Her mistress was home now, safe, alive, if not unscathed.
Ninshubur spied a gardener peeking round a corner and beckoned him forward. The gardener hesitated, looking fearfully past Ninshubur at Inanna's retreating back. Ninshubur beckoned him forward again, impatient to discharge her duty and hasten back to Inanna's side.
"Go forth and tell the heralds to announce the return of Inanna, Lady of Uruk, so that all may rejoice," she said, as he drew near. He cast a doubtful glance at Inanna's back again, and Ninshubur felt the urge to shake him. It was one thing for her to worry about Inanna, another for a garden boy to dare to question anything about her lady. She glared at him and he bowed and mumbled something before making good his escape.
Turning, Ninshubur hastened to join Inanna at the door to the bathroom. Cara could be clearly heard inside, urging the servants to hasten with the water and the oils. Ninshubur entered as Cara bowed to his mistress.
"My Lady, we have none of us had time for leisure in your absence. Please excuse our hasty arrangements."
"Take my garments now," was all Inanna said. Cara gently untangled her turban and removed it, placing it in Ninshubur's outstretched hands. Inanna stood very still as Cara tenderly undressed her. His face clearly showed his concern, and Ninshubur shared it. Inanna should have exploded in anger by now, rather than setting them at this chilly distance.
Ninshubur received from Cara all Inanna's discarded clothes, shivering as each one was laid over her arms. They were dirty, discoloured and torn; as shabby a covering as the most ragged beggar in Uruk. Her jewels were scratched and loose in their settings, with barely any gleam left in the gold, and no sparkle in the stones.
"Burn them all," directed Inanna.
"The jewels, my Lady?" asked Ninshubur, shaken by the thought of throwing them into the fire. Some were mighty gifts from kings, testaments to Inanna's power, and burning them seemed wrong. Some were personal items, things Inanna had owned longer than Ninshubur had known her, and she quailed at the thought of destroying them.
"Find a furnace," said Inanna. Her voice was implacable, with a harsh edge that made Ninshubur wince inwardly. She could see the faint traces of anger burning cold in Inanna, and hated the stillness of her fury even as she welcomed the smallest sign of emotion. "They will all go to ash, all of them. See it done and have the ashes scattered outside the gate in some barren land."
"As you will," said Ninshubur, bowing her head. She folded the garments in on themselves, a ragged and dirty bundle, and left them at the door to be disposed of. She took a moment, crouched in the corner by the door, to wipe her eyes. If Inanna was raging, swept up in fury, that would be easy to deal with. This coldness was new, new and unwelcome. Ninshubur had never felt so distant from Inanna, had never felt her love and service rejected as they were now. She could only hope it was a shadow of the dead lands, and would pass soon.
Regaining her feet, Ninshubur turned to help Cara with the water. Inanna lay back as Cara washed her face free of grime. Ninshubur mixed oil for Inanna's hair as Cara patiently combed out the tangles. As Cara sluiced water over her body to shake free the dirt, Ninshubur watched her closely.
Inanna took a deep breath as Cara gently scrubbed at her with a cloth, her shoulders relaxing just a fraction. Ninshubur held the basin of warm water as Cara wiped away the lingering traces of the underworld. Her stomach rumbled, breaking the silence. Blushing, Ninshubur mumbled an apology, but Inanna stopped her.
"We are all hungry," she said. "Order food to be prepared. You and I will eat together." Glancing up, Ninshubur saw Inanna was smiling softly. Her anger was gone, though her smile was missing its previous warmth. Ninshubur was grateful for so small a sign of a thaw.
"As you wish," Ninshubur replied.
"As you wish," Inanna countered. "Do not be so formal, friend. Come, Cara will make me fit to be seen, and you shall tell me tales of the daylight world."
"I would love to," said Ninshubur. Exchanging a glance with Cara, she put down her basin and left the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her hands and up at the sun. It was blessedly warm, and the birds still sang as they wheeled round the garden searching for their nests. Her time of mourning should be at an end, with Inanna returned safely. Instead, she felt like the earliest springtime, waiting for the ground to warm enough for planting, even though the days were lengthening.
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Inanna shivered as the first stars opened above them while they sat over the remnants of their meal. Rising, Ninshubur placed a simple woolen shawl around her shoulders and smiled when Inanna reached up to touch her hand in thanks.
"I begin to feel human again," said Inanna. She was only now beginning to remember what being human meant. She was clean and fed, she was comfortable, and only now was she starting to feel an interest in the world around her outside these needs. She saw Ninshubur shiver too and touched her hand again, grateful for her warmth.
"I am glad to hear it," said Ninshubur. She took her seat again and wrapped herself in her own woollen shawl. "I missed you."
Inanna smiled across at her. In all the time they had known one another, Ninshubur had never disappointed her. Even in the dreadful moments after her return from the dead, as Dumuzi was dragged into the earth in her place, Inanna had been grateful to have Ninshubur at her back.
"I missed you, Queen of the East," she said. Ninshubur shook her head, embarrassed as always at her title. "And I have you to thank for my return."
Ninshubur shook her head again, more decidedly this time. "Indeed, my lady, I only followed your instructions."
"And which of the gods listened to your petition?" she asked.
"Enki," said Ninshubur. She folded her lips very tightly on any other words she might have wanted to say. Inanna knew that meant that there had been more to it than a simple petition, and that Enki was not the only god who had been asked for help. Inanna was not surprised the request had been complicated. She was surprised that it was Enki who granted it.
"I shall visit him," she said, moved by curiosity. "Order my chariot readied for the morning. We will leave in the stillness."
"Yes, my lady," said Ninshubur. She smothered a sigh as she spoke.
"Then you must retire," said Inanna. "I need my advisor at my side."
"Indeed, I should be ordering you to bed," said Ninshubur. "You must be as tired as I am."
"Death is more like sleep than sleep is like itself," said Inanna, shaking her head. "I shall not sleep yet."
"Will you tell me of your experience, then?" asked Ninshubur. Inanna was surprised that Ninshubur should want to know, but the look on Ninshubur's face was half fearful, half worried. Inanna realised just how much of an ordeal her descent had been. Not much given to self-reflection, and less to self-blame, she was nonetheless ashamed. Her pride had caused Ninshubur's fear, and Inanna could not brush that aside.
"I was cold," said Inanna. "I was naked and stood as myself alone, before the throne. Even then I thought I could prevail." She looked away, over the wall of the roof, over all the roofs of her city and the stars above. "I was wrong." She swallowed hard, pushing down feelings of anger at admitting her helplessness. "I cannot speak more of it," she said, more curtly than she intended.
Ninshubur nodded and rose. "I shall seek sleep for myself, then," she said. "I shall order everything ready to leave in the still before dawn." She hesitated before kneeling at Inanna's feet and kissing her hand in formal farewell. Surprised again, Inanna lifted her up, standing with her, and kissed her lips.
"I am home and well," said Inanna. "Do not kiss me goodbye again."
"It seems possible to me that this is all a dream invented by my grief," said Ninshubur.
"No, I think I am done with dreaming," said Inanna. "Go to bed and sleep well, and in the morning we shall light the sky together as we have always done." She kissed Ninshubur again and smiled, watching her walk away. After she was gone, Inanna crossed to the edge of the roof and looked out over the streets.
She could hear music in the distance, some shouting that may have been a fight. The small noises of the city filtered up to her, standing alone on her rooftop in the shelter of her temple. She was powerful. She shivered and wrapped the shawl more securely around her shoulders. She was alone, and that was the truth.
Shaking her head, Inanna turned from the realisation. She would remember how to be alive. She would remember how to drink beer and fight and fuck, things she'd done countless times, though it now seemed that someone else had done them. She could remember the look of a man's body, bent in pleasure to her will, but she couldn't feel it.
A crash from the street below claimed her attention and she looked down. Two men lurched away from the wall, the one seemingly in charge cursing his companion's clumsiness. They reeled over to a door opposite and wrestled with it for a while before it swung open and the drunker of the men fell inside, over the threshold. His friend straightened up and looked down at his prone form. The house remained in darkness for a moment, before a candle flickered on the roof and a woman's voice called out in interrogation.
Inanna laughed to herself softly as the altercation in the house opposite took hold, the woman hurrying down the stairs to complain irritably at her husband and his friend for their drunken thoughtlessness. The friend tried in vain to defend himself, and the husband in question celebrated his return home by vomiting, so Inanna judged from the angry outburst from the wife. The friend backed away hastily from the door, looking to flee. Inanna decided swiftly: she would remember how to fuck, at least, tonight.
"Here," called Inanna, "come, I will unlock the door for you and you may rest and have a drink to reward you for your efforts."
The man looked up and Inanna saw his face in the moonlight. He was well enough; a plain, sturdy citizen of the City of Uruk, and not so drunk that Inanna would have to dunk his head in a barrel of water. He looked unsure, but a crash and a shriek from the house opposite seemed to decide him.
"Indeed, if you could open the door quickly I'd appreciate it, Mistress," he said.
Inanna hurried down and opened the door to him, letting him move past her so she could bar the door again. "Thank you," he said.
"You are welcome," said Inanna. She took his hand and led him to her rooftop couch. He followed with slightly drunken compliance, until he stood by her bed in the moonlight and seemed to really see her for the first time.
"Goddess," he stammered, attempting to kneel.
"Hush," said Inanna, moving closer and pulling him up to stand straight. "There is no need for you to be so formal with me."
He stepped back and she followed, shifting her grip from his shoulder to his hair, cradling the back of his head as she pressed a first, soft, kiss to his lips. He was rigid in her grip, but she moved even closer, her body brushing against his as she kissed him again, and this time he opened up to her, letting her taste him. She drew back, just enough to see his face.
"Come," she said, "a kiss takes two people." She smiled, her flirtatious smile, the one that invited men to lose themselves in passion or battle. It never failed.
"To hear is to obey, Lady," he said. She smiled and pulled him back in. This time, he was bolder, seeming to realise that she was real. Inanna pressed her body against his tightly, sighing into the kiss as his hands slid up her back and down again, fingers stroking over the small of her back. She remembered this. He felt solid in her arms, warm and eager now that he was over his nervousness. Pulling back, he kissed her neck and down her throat, nuzzling under her ear for the elusive spot where her perfume lingered. His beard was rough on her skin and she shivered at the feeling. She wanted his mouth all over her. Pushing him back, she hastily stripped off her dress, ordering him to bare himself also.
He reached out this time, dragging her back into his arms. Inanna gloried in his loss of control, in the pinch of his fingers on one nipple and the scrape of his teeth on the other as he worshipped them. This was what she remembered life being: hot breath and unsteady hands, the swell of a man's cock under her fingers, the warmth of her own body as she waited to take him inside her and use him for her pleasure.
Pushing him backwards, Inanna spread him out on her bed. She circled his cock with her fingers, teasing the hard flesh and listening to him moan. His body was thickset, solid and earthy. He gripped her hips in his strong fingers as she climbed up over him and rubbed her cunt teasingly over him.
"Are you going to fuck me?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Yes?"
"Yes, Goddess," he said. He groaned and arched upwards as she straddled him, his cock so close to being inside her. "You are beautiful."
She smiled, fierce and proud, wanting to watch him strive for her, work so hard to satisfy her. She shifted position and held his cock, sliding down onto him and squeezing round him as he moaned and held her tightly.
"When you come, you will be the seed of the City waking for the Morning Star," she hissed, leaning over him so her breasts brushed his chest and she could dig her fingers into his shoulders. He thrust up into her and she laughed softly into his chest, rocking against him, fueling her own fire. She bit his throat and he slapped her arse. His cock felt good inside her, strong and hard and filling her up as she rode him. "You will be a mud brick in my temple," she promised.
Inanna dragged his hands up to cup her breasts and play with her nipples as she rode him. Snaking one hand down, she touched her own clit, rubbing in circles over it, making herself get tighter and wetter and closer to her own peak. Under her, this unknown man thrust hard for her, lips moving around a muttered litany of curses and prayers, all asking for the blessing of Inanna. She felt she had all the blessings ready to give at that moment, as her body got closer to the peak.
"Come for me," she ordered, her voice filled with the authority of her Godhead. "Spill your seed inside me, Man of Uruk."
Groaning, eyes squeezed shut, his body clenched and his cock jerked inside her. Inanna moaned fiercely, her own orgasm sliding over her in waves of pleasure. She dug her fingers hard into the shoulders of the man beneath her, legs tightening around him, her cunt gripping his cock, and rode him right through it.
She shuddered to a stop and opened her eyes, gazing down into the face of her nameless man. He was slack and replete under her, and she looked up from his face into the face of her sister, Ereshkigal. With a cry of pain, she thrust out her hand to ward her off, and the vision disappeared.
Wearily, she climbed off the man's spent body, staring at the spot where Ereshkigal had appeared. She looked down at herself: the faint bite marks on her breasts, the small scratches on the skin of her hips, the faint trace of wetness on her thighs. She was alive, then, but in reaching for that life she'd encountered death again.
A gentle touch on her hip distracted her. Looking down, the man had rolled on his side and his hand brushed her skin. He was as stocky and plain as ever, but he'd given her life, spilled it into her womb and onto her skin. He was the City, and she loved him for it in that instant.
"I have displeased the Goddess?" he asked.
"No," she said. "You have pleased me very much. You and your cock." She nudged it with her fingertip as she spoke and it shifted on his belly, slowly softening.
"To see you is to serve you," he said.
"If I said you must die for me?" she asked.
"Men die for love or war in the service of Inanna, Lady of Uruk, all the time," he said. "My life is yours. But I beg you will not kill me yet."
"I shall not kill you yet," she promised. He smiled and his body relaxed into her bed, sleep already claiming him. Inanna looked down at him for a long moment, then up to the night sky. Her sister was in the dark, waiting for her, but Inanna was alive, and she meant to live.
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Inanna woke cold in the stillness before dawn, her conquest wrapped like a caterpillar in all the coverings. She pulled herself up from the bed and stretched, looking east for the faintest hint of light in the sky. It was just there, the faintest thread of yellow to show the day was coming. Pulling her shawl around her, she looked just above the horizon. There she was, glittering brilliantly in the sky, full of the promise of the new day. Yawning, she headed downstairs, where she could hear the faint stirrings of her household.
There was a charcoal fire lit in the garden and one of the servants heating water on it. She bowed low as Inanna appeared, her hands shaking with fear. Inanna asked for herb tea with honey, turning away and walking across the garden as the servant stammered her eagerness to meet the request. She stood next to the spot where Dumuzi had disappeared and thought back just a few scant hours to his furious terror as he was dragged into the underworld. She could see his face, his eyes wide with fear but his face red with anger, and her own anger lit inside her.
He was a fool, a disloyal fool, and she'd been mad to have him. At first, he'd loved her and his honour and his love had been worth having. He had treated her as the rightful Queen of the City, and their sacred marriage had been full of passion. Over time, day to day, month to month, he'd changed. Inanna's fists curled as she remembered.
When she'd found him, sleeping peacefully with a pot of beer and the remains of a meal beside him, she'd not had any feeling at all. Now, she was fiercely glad she'd sent him in her place.
"My Lady," stammered the servant and Inanna turned. In her hands, she proffered a cup. Inanna seized it and dashed it on the ground where Dumuzi had disappeared, stamping on the grass and cursing his miserable name, his insolent tongue, even his magnificent cock. The shawl dropped unheeded from her shoulders as she reviled him. The servant ran away, crying, but Inanna was only dimly aware of the world around her. She screamed her outrage and pain to the last spot she'd seen Dumuzi, until she finally stopped, naked and panting, the eastern sky lightening perceptibly, and let the anger drain out of her.
Turning, she was not surprised to see Ninshubur standing behind her, another cup of tisane cradled in her hands. Wordlessly, Inanna accepted the cup from her and took a long swallow. The honey soothed her dry throat. Ninshubur handed her a linen shift and took back the cup while Inanna shrugged it on.
"There is nothing more to say," said Inanna.
"Indeed, you need say no more than you wish," replied Ninshubur. The last of Inanna's anger was soothed by Ninshubur's response. She always had this effect. Even when Inanna wanted to be angry with her, she never managed it. "Cara has the water hot," Ninshubur added.
"It will be good to be clean again," said Inanna. "That's one of the things I remember, the dust of the dead, clinging to my skin. If I could have breathed, I would have choked."
She thought of Dumuzi, now choking alone in his own death, and found the tiniest sliver of pity in her heart for him. She regretted him, for an instant, and whispered an incantation for peace for his soul under her breath.
"I will bathe now," she said aloud. Ninshubur fell into step beside her as they walked to the bathroom.
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Inanna's chariot pulled to a stop a little way from Enki's house. Inanna descended from it, making a slight adjustment to her headdress. She was satisfied that she looked every inch the regal Star of the Morning. Behind her, Ninshubur also descended, shaking out her skirts. Inanna smiled at her, softening for just a moment. She stepped forward and straightened Ninshubur's headdress, smoothing her hair gently into position. Reaching up, Ninshubur touched her hand in thanks and Inanna leaned forward to kiss her cheek just as Ninshubur turned her head. Their lips met and Inanna felt a sweet tenderness in the contact. She pulled back and smiled.
Inanna turned as the gate to the house opened. Enki walked out, a plain pitcher of water cradled in his hands. He was alone, bareheaded and simply dressed, and he looked at Inanna with uncomplicated understanding in his eyes.
All the chill of the morning left Inanna and she was filled with gratitude towards him. She had spent the ride here thinking of the compensation he might claim for his aid, or the favours he might call in, and how best to combat this, but all her schemes left her. Running forward, she dropped her cloak behind her and kicked off her jewelled sandals. The ground was hard and dusty under her feet, and her headdress tumbled unheeded onto the ground. Her hair fell around her shoulders and she was sure tears were smudging her perfectly applied kohl. She didn't care. She felt life fill her up, bright and hot, and she was thankful for the day around her.
She flung herself onto Enki and he staggered, the water jug spilling over the front of them both. The water was cold and she gasped at the sensation. She kissed him on both cheeks and he embraced her with his free arm.
"I am glad you are home," he said, his words simple and heartfelt.
"With thanks to you," she said. Glancing back, she saw Ninshubur calmly approaching, Inanna's discarded finery in her arms. Inanna could read the concern on her face, though she tried to disguise it. She felt love for Ninshubur too, startlingly warm in its intensity, still filled with the tenderness of the kiss they had just shared. Inanna wondered if she had felt love as strong as this before her death. It seemed impossible that she could have forgotten it.
Pushing the thought away, and as Ninshubur drew within earshot, she continued, "You have my thanks, Enki. Without you, and my loyal Ninshubur, I should not be free to feel anything."
"Your passion is your gift," said Enki. He smiled at Ninshubur as she joined them and Inanna watched with displeasure as Enki leaned forward to kiss her cheek, then her mouth. He grasped Ninshubur's free hand and squeezed it as he whispered something in her ear. Ninshubur's lips quirked into a smile and her cheeks were touched with red. Inanna did not like this development. Ninshubur was hers; she did not stop to consider when this had become a fact. Perhaps she had forgotten that, too, in her death.
"Why did you aid me?" Inanna asked, loudly, interrupting whatever Ninshubur's reply to Enki might have been. As Enki released Ninshubur's hand, Inanna drew her companion closer, out of his reach. Enki's mouth quirked into a smile as he looked at her.
"There are two reasons," he said. "I am not sure that they will satisfy you."
"I will hear them," said Inanna.
He handed her the pitcher of water. "I am the Water of Life. I fertilise and cause the lands to grow green and lush with grain, by spilling my seed into them, and so it is with humans. This much I can do. When you were gone, there was no seed to sow, no fertile plains ready for the plough. Men and women woke and worked and ate and slept: no more. Do you understand now what you give to the people?"
Inanna looked into Enki's face and saw the concern there, for her, for his people. "I understand," she said. Before, she would have stopped there, but she felt impelled, by gratitude or the insight she'd had in death, to continue, "Only by my gifts is the land receptive to the water, and only through me do men and women fight and fuck and make the world continue. But, it is also true, that there is a time for war, there is a time for lustful passions, but without you, Lord of the Earth, there is nothing else."
Enki smiled and took the jug back from her. "There is death," he said. "There is always death."
Inanna shuddered faintly at the reminder, but Ereshkigal remained distant and did not trouble her. Next to her, Ninshubur put her hand on Inanna's arm in support.
"You spoke of a second reason," Inanna said.
"I did, and this one is simple. You have someone who loves you very much, and she left me no other option but to help you. Even were you not needed to provide the heat of passion to the clay of humankind, I still should have helped you for the sake of that love."
Inanna looked at Ninshubur, who dropped her arm and stood silently, cheeks stained red. Startled, Inanna let the truth of Enki's words, confirmed by Ninshubur's embarrassment, sink in for a moment. She'd been surprised by so much of this world of the living, but this was the most unexpected of all. She thought swiftly of Ninshubur's constant welcome presence at her side, her unquestioned loyalty, her steadfast friendship, and then of the joys that Ninshubur brought her. In that moment, she saw the love between them as more than that of friends.
Inanna knew that she had never been perceptive of the wishes and desires of others, except for how they served her own ends. She knew this about herself, without regret, and gloried in her earthly passions. Wild and unrestrained, she'd eaten the world whole and always wanted more and more to fill her up. Now, she could see, in Ninshubur's silent figure next to her, a part of her life that she'd never even thought of. She could see it now, though, as clear as the sky above them.
"Your reasons satisfy me," said Inanna. She bowed, low and more respectfully than she had ever done before. Enki had served her twice this season, and she would not forget.
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Inanna was silent on the way home, and Ninshubur sat silent too, dreading what Inanna might say now that Ninshubur's secret was known to her. Ninshubur had loved from afar for a long time, and she had grown accustomed to that. The future was uncertain now, and she felt no peace.
She alighted from the chariot in Inanna's wake and followed her numbly to the gate. Once inside, Inanna turned to her and Ninshubur braced herself for words of dismissal.
"Go bathe away the dust of the road," she said. "Please order dinner prepared. I shall see you there."
Ninshubur stammered some sort of reply and watched Inanna's retreating back. There had been no anger in her words. They were said in a thoughtful tone, and Ninshubur didn't know what to think. It was possible that Inanna had misunderstood Enki, thought Ninshubur's devotion was that of a companion only. Ninshubur sighed. Service to Inanna was enough. It was good enough for her to have that closeness and companionship. Ninshubur went to the kitchens and immersed herself back in the business of Inanna's house.
Cleaner and calmer, though still uneasy, Ninshubur waited for Inanna at the table. As she watched Inanna mount the stairs and approach the table, her mouth went dry and she swallowed hard against it. She'd been able to reason away many of her fears in the time she'd spent alone, but some lingered. Blinking, she took in the beauty of Inanna's gown and the care with which her eyes were outlined, and her fears faded even more. It seemed unlikely that Inanna would bother to dress and beautify herself merely to dismiss Ninshubur from her service and her life.
Ninshubur watched Inanna warily at first, but Inanna had recovered from her silence on the journey home. She spoke idly of many things, breaking apart her bread and dipping it into the meat and chickpeas before her. Ninshubur hardly knew what she answered at first, but she relaxed slowly. At the end of the meal, with the stars open above them, Ninshubur rose without thought when Inanna shivered and wrapped her cloak around her shoulders.
Inanna pressed her hand and Ninshubur smiled at her, relieved that things were back to normal. She wrapped her own shawl about her shoulders and sat down again.
"I am sure I am alive now," said Inanna. "For a while, I was not certain. Death clung to my skin with bony, obstinate fingers, as crooked and grasping as my sister Ereshkigal's, when she struck me with the blow of wrath."
Ninshubur was startled. She had not expected Inanna to ever refer to her ordeal again. Looking up, she met Inanna's gaze and found it serious. This was not her flirtatious smile, nor yet her unbridled fury. Ninshubur was being allowed to come closer to her. She swallowed hard, touched by the intimacy of the moment.
"Please, I want to hear all you wish to tell me," said Ninshubur.
"I will keep no secrets from you," Inanna said. She shifted in her seat and looked out at the sky. "I was full of pride. You know this about me. I thought I could suffer the underworld to do my bidding, that my passion and lust would carry me onto the throne. And, when I died, I was cold and alone and yet surrounded by the shades of countless others, all busy with their own misery and death."
"When I returned, the sunlight seemed unreal. You were real, crying and alone, and I realised then that grief is what lets us, for a moment, be close to the dead. I couldn't let the demons take you. When I saw Dumuzi, though-" She broke off, fingers curling into fists and a her mouth tightening into a momentary snarl.
"Well, you saw what happened," Inanna said. "Now he has gone to take my place. He can suffer grief and loneliness in my place, for he did not choose to suffer it in my absence."
"I cannot imagine that loneliness," Ninshubur said. She was slightly chilled by Inanna's dismissal of Dumuzi, but she'd long known that they had no real loyalty to one another. She had no doubts of the loyalty between her and Inanna. Whatever else might be questioned or tested, that was solid.
"I hope you never have to see it," said Inanna. She took a deep breath. "I have dealt in little deaths all my life: the lust that makes a man die between the thighs of a woman, and the lust that makes him charge into battle and die there. I am a dealer of death, yet I never knew what it was I was condemning them to."
"You give life," said Ninshubur.
"Both," said Inanna, "for you cannot have one alone. As the man ruts into the woman, they are alive then, but then dead for countless moments at the climax, when they can't see, can't hear, and are so utterly alone."
"Yet that passes," said Ninshubur.
"Luckily so," agreed Inanna. "And to be alive means to risk death. I am alive. I shall live all my days." She looked across the table at Ninshubur, who was caught by the seriousness of her gaze. "And will you live with me, all my days?" she asked.
Ninshubur's breath caught and her heart started to race. "My Lady," she started, only to be cut short by Inanna.
"I mean fully alive," said Inanna. "Alive, risking death in each other's arms as we fuck, at each other's backs as we fight: that is what I want from you."
Ninshubur couldn't lie. "That is what you have always had from me," she said. She knew that there was no other answer she could give to that. She was Inanna's; through her jealousy and her rages and her casual lusts, she would stand by Inanna.
"You know what I am," Inanna said. "You will be the constant I have never had, amongst the mornings and evenings of my passions."
"I will be the brightening eastern sky for you," said Ninshubur. "I will always welcome you home to my arms."
Inanna smiled. Ninshubur couldn't look away. She'd seen Inanna with countless lovers, but never seen her look like this. She looked joyous. Ninshubur smiled back at her, sure she looked foolish and not caring.
"I love you," said Inanna. "Every last piece of you, I know and love. I have never had anyone to say that about before." She paused, and the joyous look faded from her face. "I cannot be a constant for you."
"I have always known that," said Ninshubur. "And I would not want it. I want you, in all your wildness and passion and frenzy and fury."
Inanna smiled again and stood, reaching out her hand. "Come then, my love, and you may have as much of all those as you will."
Ninshubur took her hand and stood. She was nervous, but happier than she'd ever been. Her heart was beating fast again and she felt breathless. Only a few hours ago her happiness had seemed over, but now she had more than she could have imagined. Inanna's other lovers, her lusts, didn't worry Ninshubur. She was ready to accept the life they would have together. Then Inanna pulled her close and kissed her, and Ninshubur couldn't think of anything else.
Inanna cradled Ninshubur's head in one hand, while the other spread across her back. The kiss stayed gentle for only a second; as Ninshubur slid her arms around Inanna's waist, they seemed to catch alight together. Inanna felt hot under Ninshubur's fingers, her mouth was hard and demanding. Ninshubur kissed back with equal passion.
Pulling apart at last, clothing rumpled and breathing hard, Ninshubur took Inanna's hand and led her to the bed in the corner of the roof. Letting drop her shawl, Inanna followed willingly. She watched as Ninshubur slipped off her own shawl and wriggled out of her simple dress before she removed her own. There was no practiced seduction in the action, just the desire to bare her body to her lover, to see and to be seen. Ninshubur reached for her and brought their bodies together in the soft press of skin.
Inanna kissed her again as Ninshubur ran her thumbs over Inanna's breasts, teasing the hard peaks. Inanna squirmed against her and pushed her back the last few inches to the bed, following her down to lie on the soft coverings. Ninshubur wriggled backwards, pushing Inanna onto her back and leaning over her. As Inanna pinched and kissed Ninshubur's breasts, making the nipples harden further, Ninshubur moaned. She was wet and urgent, yet she did not want this desire to end. She bought her own hand down, sliding over Inanna's round belly and down her thighs, enjoying the smoothness of her skin.
She followed her hand with her mouth, licking and kissing. Pushing apart Inanna's thighs, she pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee. A shout from the street made her freeze.
"Goddess," called a voice. "Great Inanna of the City of Uruk, thank you again for sheltering me last night. I have gone forth and bestowed your light on the beautiful cunts of three of your citizens, while another two will not quickly forget the size of my fist. Blessings to your holy name."
Ninshubur looked at Inanna, who laughed, spread out wantonly on the bed with her legs open. Ninshubur thought she looked beautiful, as desirable as she'd ever been. She realised that the man must be last night's conquest.
"Truly are we blessed by Inanna," she said, laughing too. Only with Inanna would this be happening in the Bed of Night.
"Thank you, Man of Uruk," Inanna called back. "Go forth, and spread more of my blessings with your cock and your fists."
Ninshubur laughed harder as Inanna grabbed her and pulled her down between her thighs. She rolled them over onto their sides, squeezing a handful of Ninshubur's arse and smothering her last chuckles in her breasts. She slid her hand around and lifted Ninshubur's thigh onto her hip, taking advantage of the space to slide her thumb over Ninshubur's clit and a finger inside her.
Gasping, Ninshubur stopped laughing and rocked forward onto Inanna's fingers instead. Kissing and softly biting her breasts, Inanna added another finger and slowly thrust. Ninshubur gripped a handful of Inanna's hair and pressed her closer.
"Showing me the blessings of Inanna?" she asked. Inanna bit her harder and thumbed over her clit again, making Ninshubur jerk and groan. She pulled back, moving her thumb again and again, each time making Ninshubur get closer to her climax. Opening her eyes, she saw Inanna looking at her, attention focused on what Ninshubur wanted, what she needed. Inanna looked wild, infinitely desirable, and all hers. Ninshubur shivered at the thought.
"You have all the things I have to give," said Inanna. Ninshubur pulled her close into another kiss, all messy passion, and dislodged Inanna, rolling them both over so she could lean over and kiss Inanna's belly and down, sliding her tongue over her clit. Inanna tasted good on her lips, and the moan she made sounded better in her ears. She licked again, teasing with her tongue, enjoying Inanna's panting breaths above her. She drove Inanna higher, making her groan with pleasure and tense up, shaking as she got closer to the edge.
Inanna moaned as she came, bucking up against Ninshubur's face. Ninshubur held her hips and let her shake apart, gentling her mouth against Inanna's skin. She moved up, pressing a kiss against Inanna's thigh as she climbed up her body. Inanna was boneless against the covering, eyes closed lightly, not screwed shut against things she didn't want to see.
Ninshubur leaned forward to kiss her lips and Inanna welcomed her, sliding her arms around her shoulders. This kiss was soft, Ninshubur filled with tenderness and just the faintest sense of triumph.
"In a moment, I shall recover," said Inanna. "You have made me see stars. I shall return the favour."
Ninshubur pressed her smile into Inanna's neck and waited. She knew Inanna would always come back to her.