Chapter Text
"What is wrong, brother?"
Thor peeked through the door leading into Loki’s chamber. He found his younger brother standing quite still by the windows on the opposite side of the room. "Nothing" Loki answered in a low voice, gazing down on the fields below the castle.
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Earlier that morning by the stables they had been fighting playfully like they often did. Nothing strange about that at all, but today…. Thor had taken a hold of Loki's arms in an iron grip, pinning him to the brick wall to keep him still, the thunder god’s laughter booming in the court yard.
"Do you yield, brother?!" he had almost shouted with a victorious grin on his face.
Loki suddenly stopped fighting. His body went rigid, standing very still, and in a low voice he said "Thor, don't."
"Don't what?" Thor laughed. "I will accept your surrender, little brother, If you stop stealing my belongings…".
Still standing propped up against the wall, Loki looked away, avoiding Thor's glistening blue eyes.
"No, just… let go of me. Please."
Loki's voice was like a whisper, and Thor unclasped his grip. "Did I hurt you?" Thor said with a worried look on his face.
"No. I need to go." Loki quickly turned around and walked away in a hurry before Thor had the chance to say anything else. He could easily have followed him to demand an explanation, but this seemed…strange. Loki was not the one to walk away from a dispute, not with a look of defeat like that, ever.
And now, Thor decided to knock on the pale prince's door, to check if he was alright.
"Listen, Loki… What happened down by the court yard this morning? You looked…scared".
Loki saw the look of concern in his brother’s eyes. He shook his head slightly. "Think nothing of it. I felt a bit ill.
I'm fine now."
Thor went over to the window and looked down at Loki, who turned his gaze away. When Thor put his gigantic hands upon the pale man’s shoulders, Loki flinched, and took a step back, almost stumbling down on the bed, then he steadied himself by the wall. The air suddenly became too thick, Loki felt the need to flee, but blocking his passage was his big brother with that puzzled look.
Thor was stubborn, not willing to let this go. Gently, he put his hand behind Loki's neck, forcing their eyes to meet, searching for an explanation.
"Have I done something to offend you? Are you mad at me? Tell me, please, If I have upset you, then you must give me the chance to make it right!"
Loki felt a bit bad hearing the confused and saddened tone in Thor's voice. There was an unfamiliar feeling stirring in his own throat, in his gut…This was not what he wanted, although he was a master at hiding his emotions, this was one time he felt really lost. And a bit sick. How would he be able to tell his brother the real reason he had walked away?
He looked up on that strong face, framed in golden hair. Those blue eyes, almost unbearable to meet now.
"It's just - it's not your fault. You have done nothing…" Loki said.
Again Loki looked away, this time with a flush in his cheeks. No. Oh no. He felt the embarrassment turn in his stomach.
"Then what is it, brother?" Thor's voice was soft, trying not to scare him off. Loki's otherwise pale face was blushing and warm. He felt defeated, this was it. No more lies, not today. With a shaking voice he looked at Thor and said
"It was just the way you held me. You shouldn't do that. It…I.."
He fell silent, eyes to the floor. To Thor's surprise he could swear there were tears in his brothers eyes. Then, Loki looked directly into Thor's eyes and said with a steady, low voice: "I have bruises on my arms".
"I'm sorry, what?" Thor replied. How many times during fights had he not given his little brother bumps and bruises that quickly healed, and Loki was always to proud to even acknowledge them, Thor's playful, brute force did nothing to him.
And now this. Where did this come from?
Loki’s soft voice had a trembling sound when he asked: "Do you remember that time at the market place when you got so annoyed with me that you slapped me across the face?" He’s face had a strange expression, nose still a bit red, and his eyes had somewhat darkened.
"I remember that, but I did never hurt you on purpose, that was just to prove a point!” Thor said.
"I know that" Loki said in his silky voice. He looked down on his pale, slender hands and continued:
"and I liked it."
All Thor could do was stare down at his brother, trying to make sense of what he heard.
"What do you mean you liked it?".
Loki felt the warmth radiating from the big figure standing so close to him. To hell with it. With a voice just barely audible he said: "I liked that you slapped me. I - I want you to do it again."
With all the courage he could muster, he met Thor's gaze, he felt dizzy from this madness, that he actually said it aloud. Not only thinking it, wanting it and playing with the idea in his head like he always did.
Thor said nothing - he let go of Loki's neck and then just stood there with a sheepish look on his face - and Loki regretted everything, but it was too late to stop the confession now.
"This isn't easy Thor! It has not always been like this, but lately… when you knocked me of that horse, and the other day when you tackled me on the training grounds…" his voice cracked and for a moment it sounded like he was about to cry.
With a puzzled look Thor laid his palm against Loki's hot cheek, he wanted to comfort him, without any inkling of what in the worlds he could possibly say. Flashing before his eyes were the images of his slender brother lying in the dust underneath him, laughing and cursing as he tried to struggle of the giant who always physically had the upper hand. Images of Loki hissing and clawing like an enraged cat while pinned down by Thor's strong hand against his throat. Thor had always found his frantic reactions amusing. Playful, innocent fun, that was all. Never, ever anything else! Never…
Loki was very quiet, his hands clutched together, he seemed out of breath and mortified of what he had said. His quivering lips looked dark red against the fair skin, almost like a girl, Thor thought.
"You must think me completely mad brother!" Loki said, as he covered his face with his hands, he looked like he wanted to sink into the ground and vanish. He could use his magic, but that would be a cowardly act, and he would never be able to face Thor again if he simply took the easy way out - this time he would have to deal with it.
Thor's voice was soft but insistent: "I could never hurt you, brother… Not intentionally. No, Loki."
Loki stared up at Thor, his eyes shining like he was holding back tears.
"But you wouldn't be hurting me now, would you", Loki said, his voice was hoarse.
He cleared his throat and continued: "…not if I wanted you to do it. That would be good for me, don't you see?"
Slowly, very slowly, he leaned in against Thor's armor, afraid that at any moment he would be pushed away, waiting to hear words of disgust and shock from his brother. But the room was completely silent, and Loki realized Thor was holding his breath.
With his face close up under Thor's chin, he whispered: "I need this, Thor. From you. Please…".