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The first time Coley meets Sonya, she decides to believe in fate. Granted, that’s a fairly big decision to make at six, but all the little things seem so much bigger at that age anyway.
She had run up to the ice cream truck and was bouncing on her feet in anticipation, but her heart dropped suddenly as she dug in her pocket. Somehow, she’d lost a quarter along the way and was twenty five cents short of the fifty she needed. She spun around to check the grass and felt her shoes nearly tripping over someone else’s. Frantic that the truck would leave before she found her quarter, she burst out an apology and an explanation almost at the same time but stopped when a hand gently grabbed hers. For a second all Coley could see was a pair of beautiful eyes, but her mind caught up when a dollar was being pressed into her palm and the girl in front of her was saying something about not needing it anyway. Then she turned and walked back to the playground behind them. Coley didn’t understand how someone would pass up ice cream but she wasn’t about to let the truck leave. As she opened her mouth to get the biggest cone she could, something about the look the other girl’s eyes had stopped her.
Later, she walked over to the girl with two small cones in her hands and offered one up with a timid smile. The smile she got in return was better than the biggest cone in the world.
Years pass and Coley finds out Sonya’s mom never bothers to connect with her daughter other than giving her money and buying her toys before telling her to go find something to do. One night, sitting on the curb in front of her house, Sonya tells Coley she would trade it all to have a mom who cares. No one knows where her dad is. Coley digs her fingers into the dirt of the parkway and swears to her she will care until the day she dies.
The first time Coley learns to ride a bike, it’s Sonya’s. She’s annoyed for a minute when she sees it because Sonya’s mom should know by now that Sonya hates yellow, but it doesn’t surprise her anymore.
There’s laughing and scraped knees and bruises as Coley learns to balance, and they end up in a dirt lot laying on the ground in the summer sun. Blood and dirt are smeared over both their clothes but neither cares. Coley thinks that maybe this is what true happiness feels like.
Sonya tells her she should keep the bike and Coley feels warm from where Sonya held on to her shoulders as she stood on the back while they rode home.
The first time Sonya says she has a crush on a boy, Coley feels a jealous tug in her gut. It’s irrational she knows, but she doesn’t care.
Jason is a nice enough guy, but it had always been just the two of them and suddenly he’s a part of their life and Coley feels like everything he does is too much. Sonya breaks up with him because she liked hanging out with his sister more.
Lance breaks up with Sonya because he didn’t think she was invested enough.
Matt breaks up with her and doesn’t tell her why but he glances at Coley as he does it.
They’re curled up in Coley’s bed later and she reminds Sonya that even when no one else cares for her, she will. Sonya nods into her shoulder and Coley can’t help but think that even when she’s crying, she’s still got the most beautiful eyes she’s ever seen.
The first time Sonya shows up with Trenton to their park, Coley feels something wrong between them that she’s never felt before. Or maybe it’s just her.
Sonya seems to be fine, laughing at a stupid joke Trenton made as he throws rocks at a cola can, grinning crookedly. She nudges Coley with her elbow to get her to join in and smiles perfectly. Coley smiles back even though Trenton is the worst of them all in her opinion. It’s never anything he does, it’s always what he says and she knows he tries to make her feel like Sonya likes him more. She thinks he’s an idiot for thinking he’d ever be more important.
The first time Coley realizes she’s in love with Sonya she chokes on air. She blames it on the cigarette and hopes Sonya can’t tell.
Trenton got her into it and buys two packs every four days. He’s got a fake I.D. and loves to pretend it actually makes him older than them. Coley doesn’t care for smoking, but she’ll take a drag every now and then when Sonya does it. Somehow, Sonya got a pack of clove cigarettes that Coley knows Trenton didn’t buy because he swears by menthols, but she doesn’t pry. They’re a little better than the other ones anyway. As she feels the burn, the flavor reminds her of Thanksgiving, of pumpkin pie and eating mashed potatoes with Sonya at her house because her mom had a business thing and Coley’s parents insisted there was enough food for her to eat with them. They had decided to split the last slice of pie while sitting on the couch because they could barely move from eating so much. Carelessly scarfing a bite, Coley jumped when Sonya’s thumb was suddenly at her mouth, wiping off a bit of pumpkin. She had sucked it off her finger without a second thought. Coley wishes there was something on her mouth right then and that Sonya would use her mouth instead of her thumb to clean it. She realizes what that means and chokes on air.
The first time Coley lets herself fully love Sonya, she’s dancing in the sun to a song in her head and Coley knows she could probably guess which one it is. Trenton is hitting baseballs around and ignoring them both.
Coley thinks it should annoy her that Sonya’s boyfriend barely cares about her but she secretly hopes Sonya will get tired of it and leave him. Only, it’s been a long time and she hasn’t. But she’s not happy either and Coley knows his jokes hurt and he only pays attention when he wants something. She pays attention all the time.
The first time Coley realizes she truly hates Trenton, her head is ringing and she tastes blood on her teeth. He’s shouting and way too close to Sonya and Coley wonders how his pit bull got to be so nice when it’s owned by someone this violent.
But then all she feels is rage. Because she knows she hasn’t imagined the way Sonya has been looking at her lately. She knows their lips being inches away was not an accident. And before she realizes what she’s doing, Trenton is under her and her fists and she never knew she was this strong. Her eyes are watering and the only thing she can see is Sonya’s pretty smile and how dare this boy think he had the right to hurt something so beautiful. She’s done with letting everyone hurt the girl she loves. She’s done with stupid boys and Sonya’s mom and dad and feeling useless and like her chest was being ripped open every time Sonya was in pain. She’s done, done, done, and it all ends here. A part of her hears her voice shout and feels something crunch from her knuckles. She ignores it.
But then there are arms around her waist and she can’t find it in her to be mad anymore. Sonya’s thumb is on her lip and the sun is making her eyes the most beautiful they’ve ever been and before she knows it, they’re kissing like they need each other to breathe. Coley realizes they probably do.
The first time Coley feels completely at peace, she’s in the middle of the road she knows like the back of her hand. She’s on Sonya’s yellow bike with dirt on her clothes and blood in her mouth and she thinks it’s funny how happiness comes in the oddest of moments.
The breeze wraps around her body like Sonya’s arms had and reminds her of the promises they had whispered into each others hair. Coley thinks if this is fate’s doing, she was right to believe in it.