Chapter Text
You're dumping an armful of dirty laundry into your hamper when you feel someone staring you down. You turn on your heel to see Bro leaning against your doorframe with his arms crossed, watching you pick up.
"What?" you ask him, dropping the clothes into your laundry basket.
He nods at the now-visible floor and the stack of clean bedsheets you've got folded up on your bare mattress. "Who's all this for again?" he asks.
You roll your eyes, moving to make your bed. "Karkat, Bro, we've been over this. Like, three times."
He continues watching you, not bothering to help as you struggle to put the sheets on your bed. You manage to get three of the four corners situated before he speaks again. "She your girlfriend or somethin'? You fuckin' her?"
You splutter, your sheets somehow managing to spring free of all but one corner of your bed.
"No!" you protest, your voice cracking. "And he's a boy, anyway, Jesus."
He snorts. "Boyfriend, then," he amends. "Damn, kid, are all your friends queer?"
You shoot him a glare, fixing your sheets. "You're one to talk, Mr The-Only-Girl-I-Fucked-Turned-Out-To-Be-A-Lesbian."
He rubs the back of his neck, and you give yourself a point towards your imaginary score against him. "She ain't a lesbian, she's- I dunno, Rox ain't the type of gal to really pick and choose," he says. "'Sides, she ain't the only girl. There was one-"
You press your hands over your ears, cutting him off. "Dude, I don't wanna know that shit," you say. "Now- get outta my room, go work on porn or somethin', I got stuff to do."
The corner of his mouth twitches, but he puts his hands up in mock-surrender.
"Alright, alright, you want your space, I get you. Just-"
He pauses, his mouth twisting. "This boy, he know about- you know, all your shit?"
He looks genuinely worried and your heart does this weird thing you're not really sure you like. You nod, though, and he relaxes.
"Yeah," you say. "He's- Karkat's cool. He gets it."
You hesitate before deciding to leave it at that; if Karkat wants Bro to know, he can tell him. It's not your place.
Bro gives you a short nod, straightening up.
"A'ight," he says. "Let me know if he tries to pull some shit. I'll-"
"Kick his ass, yeah, I know," you finish, smiling. "It's cool, Bro, he's good. And-"
Bro raises an eyebrow and you shrug.
"I really like him," you confess. "He's- I dunno."
You catch yourself smiling and blush, coughing in a piss-poor attempt at covering both up.
"You'll uh. You'll get to meet him, so I guess you can see for yourself," you say. You shoot him a pleading look. "Don't freak him out too much, okay?"
He winks at you.
"Got it," he says, giving you a genuine smile. You return it, ducking your head before shit gets too lovey-dovey and familial.
You... Kind of succeed. When you look up he's still standing there, expression unreadable.
"What?" you ask, and he shrugs, shifting.
"I'unno. I'm just. Proud of you, I guess. You're a good kid."
You blink. "I- thanks. You're a good... Adult? Uh," you falter and he laughs, stepping forward. He's halfway across the room and tousling your hair before you can defend yourself.
You screech, shoving his hands away. "Bro!" you shriek, but he's gone, already absconding down the hallway.
You find an unopened box of condoms on the counter the next morning. You shake your head, picking them up, and find a note tucked underneath. You flip it over, reading the short message.
"<3"
You scowl, but... You take the condoms to your room anyway, just in case. Not because of Karkat or anything. You're not planning on fucking him, and even if you were, you don't really think you need condoms for that.
No dicks= no condoms, right?
You... should probably ask Jade about that. She usually knows this shit. You make a mental note to text her later.
It's not like you need to know any time soon, anyway, since, as previously stated, you're not getting laid any time soon, especially by Karkat. And uh. He's not getting laid by you either, in case that wasn't clear.
You shake your head, tossing the condoms on top of your dresser and sinking into your desk chair. You open your laptop, running a hand through your hair as it boots up, trying not to imagine what fucking Karkat would be like.
You're pretty sure it wouldn't be anything like porn. There'd be more... Looking at each other, you think, and less high-pitched moaning. Karkat doesn't strike you as a high-pitched moaner. If anything, he's probably kind of quiet in bed, all soft and panting and flushed pink skin that kind of glows because you think sex is maybe sweaty a little bit, since it's physical activity, plus there's way too much mention of sweat-slick bodies in fanfiction for there not to be... Well, sweat-slick bodies.
You wonder if his bangs would stick to his forehead like they do after he comes out of gym class, and what it would be like to push them back and stare into his eyes while you- Your computer beeps.
Karkat's Pesterchum icon is blinking and you flush, glad he derailed that train of thought before it left the station.
Well you. You think you're glad.
It's not like you aren't fully aware of exactly what was coming next. You've spent way too many nights imagining all kinds of gay shit the two of you could get up to- not to mention daydreaming about it during class, and on the bus ride, and during breakfast, and. Well. Always, pretty much.
You don't really have an excuse for it any more. It's... Gotten a little excessive.
You turn your attention back to the screen, opening up your chat log with him.
CG: DAVE.
CG: ...
CG: ANSWER ME YOU GAY PIECE OF SHIT.
CG: SERIOUSLY IT'S BEEN AT LEAST TEN YEARS HURRY THE FUCK UP.
TG: dude chill i was busy
CG: WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THAN ME THAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT?
CG: WAIT SHIT THAT
CG: THAT'S NOT HOW I MEANT TO PHRASE THAT.
CG: WHATEVER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
TG: i dunno kitkat
TG: do i really
CG: YES YOU DAMN WELL DO YOU SMUG SHITHEAD NOW JUST
CG: UGH, FUCK YOU.
TG: time and place babe
TG: B)
TG: you cant tell but im totally winking under my shades
CG: DAVE.
TG: what bae
CG: I HATE YOU.
TG: rad
TG: anyway what did you need
TG: you seemed pretty excited about talking to me
TG: i mean more than usual that is considering talkin to me at all is worth getting excited over
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: I JUST. YOUR BROTHER IS COOL, RIGHT? ABOUT US?
TG: us?
CG: YEAH, US. OUR THING.
TG: i uh
TG: didnt know we had a thing
CG: DAVE, DON'T BE OBTUSE. OF COURSE WE DO. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IT'S BLATANTLY OBVIOUS, AT LEAST ON MY PART.
TG: uh
TG: is it?
TG: because you had me fooled
TG: i mean obviously i was like
TG: hoping
TG: but
CG: WHAT?
CG: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
TG: no like
TG: dude listen
TG: we got a lot in common and like
TG: youre really rad
TG: so of course i was kinda quietly gunning for you to like
TG: reciprocate
CG: RECIPROCATE TRANSNESS.
TG: yeah, cause
TG: wait what
CG: WHAT WHAT.
TG: no shut up i whatted you first
CG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
TG: you
TG: ohhhhhh
TG: okay i get it now we cool
TG: yeah bros like
TG: the chillest
TG: aint no thang to him
CG: I. CG: I'M NOT SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE.
TG: nothin dude just a quick misunderstanding that i glossed over like the smooth motherfucker i am
TG: look at that shit
TG: looks like some freshly zambonied ice
TG: you could pull a triple axel on that no sweat
TG: just call me the ice princess yo
CG: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
TG: dude
TG: are you implying that youve never seen the modern masterpiece of cinema that is disneys ice princess
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE SEEN THAT?
TG: uh
TG: only cause its like the best live action disney movie ever
TG: damn i know what were watching tomorrow night
TG: speaking of whats your fave movie candy ill get bro to pick some up
CG: WHAT? NO, IT'S FINE. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
TG: dude chillax hes gotta get mine anyway
CG: UH. I DON'T KNOW, JUNIOR MINTS? DO THEY EVEN STILL SELL THOSE?
TG: they sure do
TG: alright cool were all set for tomorrow then
CG: WE ARE?
TG: yep got our movies and candy on lock sleeping situation aint an issue
TG: id call that all set
CG: WHAT ABOUT THE PROJECT?
TG: what about it
CG: DONT WE NEED TO WORK ON THAT?
TG: oh
TG: i mean we can if you want
TG: i wasnt really planning to
CG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME SLEEPING OVER.
TG: nah the point is that im gonna sit your ass down and make you watch ice princess
TG: if we get shit done on the english thing its an added bonus
TG: hey brb kans messaging me
You switch windows, clicking Kanaya's flashing icon and whistling. Damn that girl writes a lot. You lean on your elbow, scrolling to the top of her messages.
GA: Dave I Need To Speak With You
GA: It Is Quite Urgent
GA: Dave Please Answer My Messages I Am Kind Of "Freaking The Fuck Out" As You So Aptly Put It
GA: Okay That Was A Bit Of An Understatement I Am Definitely Totally Freaking Out
GA: Dave?
GA: Look Just
GA: Please Respond As Quickly As You Can
GA: It's About Rose
Your mouth goes dry. No, actually, your mouth went dry somewhere around "I need to speak with you." Now, it's a fucking desert. You lean forward, typing rapidly.
TG: yo kanaya whats goin on is everything okay
GA: No
GA: Yes?
GA: I Don't Know
TG: okay well before you panic
TG: because thats not what we wanna do here okay
TG: why dont you tell me whats got you all riled up
GA: Well
GA: I Was At Rose's House
TG: yeah
GA: And We Were In Her Room
GA: She Had To Go Downstairs And Her Computer Made A Noise And
GA: I Didn't Mean To Snoop But
GA: Oh, I Suppose I Shouldn't Have Looked
GA: Anyway I Went To Check It And It Was This
GA: This Boy
GA: Messaging Her
GA: Dave I Think I Am Panicking
TG: whoa okay slow down
TG: rose is messaging a boy?
TG: like, in a straight way?
GA: Oh God No Don't Be Ridiculous
TG: okay phew i was worried there for a sec
TG: anyway continue
TG: boy messaging rose
GA: Oh, Yes
GA: Well, He Was
GA: He Was Not Being Particularly Pleasant
GA: So I Told Him To
GA: Well I Don't Suppose I Was Very Pleasant Either
TG: aw the poor kid
GA: Yes I Am Sure He Was Devastated By My Cutting Remarks
GA: But I Am More Concerned With His Than Mine
GA: Have You
GA: Have You Noticed Any Changes In Rose Recently
GA: Regarding Her Diet
You hesitate, your fingers hovering over the keyboard.
TG: uh
TG: nah not really? shes been eating more veggies right
GA: Dave, I Am Concerned That This Boy Might Be Encouraging Her Dieting
TG: well i mean
TG: people do that
TG: its like a motivation thing right
GA: That Is Not The Kind Of Thing This Is
TG: what kind of a thing is it, then?
There's a pause, and you watch her typing for what feels like forever. When she finally responds, you're expecting a paragraph. Instead, you get what feels like a punch to the gut.
GA: Dave I Think Rose May Be Developing An Eating Disorder
You stop, read it again. And again. Then one more time. You take a deep breath.
TG: wow
TG: thats uh
TG: thats a pretty hefty accusation there
GA: It Is Not An Accusation, Merely A Hypothesis Based On Observation
GA: If It Is True, Then Rose Is Very Sick
TG: well yeah but like you said its only a theory
TG: hypothesis, whatever
TG: either way youre not sure
GA: I Am Fairly Certain
GA: I Went On The Boy's Blog
TG: blog?
GA: Yes He Seems To Run A Blog Of Somewhat Questionable Content And Quality
GA: I Am Sure You Would Be Very Critical Of His Theme
GA: The Font Is Quite Hard To Read
TG: well now i gotta kick his ass for sure
TG: fuckin around with rose AND a shitty theme damn
TG: hes digging his own grave at this point
GA: Yes He Is Almost Certainly Digging Away Over There In Massachusetts
TG: wait masachussetts
TG: who said anything about massachuesets
GA: That Is Where His Description Says He Is From
TG: oh
TG: coincidentally i know a chick from massatwoshits
TG: whats this kids name again?
GA: I Believe He Goes By Eri But I Do Not Know If That Is His Real Name Or A Pseudonym
TG: oh
You sit back in your chair, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your hand. Shit. Shit. You know this kid, he and the Spinneret bitch are always on each others asses about the most nitpicky bullshit and you should have known, should have kept Rose from ever even looking at those blogs, you knew they were bad news-
A little voice in the back of your head that sounds suspiciously like your own snorts derisively. You're on them every day, it says, who are you to tell Rose what to do? Hypocrite.
"S'different," you mumble, leaning forward to respond to Kanaya.
GA: Regardless I Think Perhaps We Need To Have An Intervention Of Sorts
GA: I... I Love Her, You Know That
TG: gayyyy
TG: but yeah i know yall are like two little lesbian bird moms
GA: Um
GA: Bird Moms?
TG: yeah me and karkat are the chicks obviously
TG: chicks like baby birds not like girls
TG: clearly not those kinds of chicks
GA: Dave I Think Given Your Feelings Towards Karkat Perhaps You Should Refrain From Referring To Him As Your Brother?
GA: Even In A Metaphorical, Birdy Sense
TG: shit dawg does everyone know im gay for this kid
TG: wtf
GA: You Are Not Very Subtle About It
GA: In Fact I Seem To Remember At Lunch Yesterday That You Outright Said You Had "the gayest of dokis" In Your "queer little kokoro" For Him
GA: I May Have Misheard You
TG: oh nah thats
TG: thats definitely a thing i said
GA: Yes
GA: You Certainly Did Say The Thing
GA: Right Directly To Him
GA: In Exactly That Manner
TG: ...
GA: I Am Simply Implying That Perhaps A More
GA: Poignant
GA: Confession Could Benefit Your Relationship?
TG: okay well first off maybe slow your roll bc kitkat and i aint got a relationship
GA: ......
TG: what
GA: ...........
TG: whaaaaaat
GA: Kitkat?
TG: ...oh fuck
GA: Dave
GA: It Pains Me To Say This
GA: But I Think You Are Gayer Than Rose Is
TG: wow okay no you can stop right there miss prissypants
TG: i am DEFINITELY gayer than rose
GA: Hm. I Think That Is A Disputable Claim, Considering That You Are A Boy Who Likes Girls
TG: yeah okay but I'm a boy with a vagina
TG: who likes
TG: well, everyone
GA: I Do Not Think That Qualifies You As The Supreme Gay
GA: If Anything I Would Be Supreme Since I Am The Only One Who Is Exclusively Attracted To My Own Gender
GA: You And Rose Are Both Technically Not Gay
TG: wow is this really what youre doing right now making a grab for my gay crown
GA: I Thought We Had Established Months Ago That It Was More Of A Tiara
TG: whatever
TG: hey listen i gotta go karkats messaging me
GA: Of Course
GA: Before You Go Though
GA: What Do We Do About Rose?
You pause, chewing your lip.
TG: idk
TG: maybe watch this shit play out? i dont wanna jump to any conclusions shit makes my legs tired
TG: and this is a big ol jump yknow
GA: Yes I Suppose It Is
GA: I Just Worry
TG: yeah i know the feeling
TG: we can keep an eye on her and take whatever actions gotta get took later aight?
GA: Yes That Sounds Like A Plan
GA: Thank You
TG: no problem
You close the chat window, taking a deep breath.
You're gonna fix this.